Japan Is The Best At Suicide Feat. Tim Dillon (Full Episode)

what up everybody Chelsea here as many of you already know we start a new YouTube channel for flagrant - there's a link right here that you can click on I believe it's right here I was pointing here last week I'm not really sure but just click on the link and go subscribe man you guys got up to 10,000 viewers or subscribers in the first week that was unbelievable [ __ ] army is very strong we're gonna put extra clips up there behind-the-scenes footage a lot more stuff that we can do now that we have its own independent channel so go subscribe to that right now tell your friends that's where you can watch the clips the full episode everything eventually we're gonna stop posting those videos on this channel right here so if you want don't want to miss out on anything whatsoever go subscribe right now enjoy the video flavor to no easy buckets analysis by [ __ ] water cooler commentary for your sports needs I'm Andrew Schultz I mean with akash singh has is not with us today we're gonna get to that in one minute we got alex media we got edit martinez on the ones and twos we got to start the episode on a somber note today guys it is a there is no way to set this up there's no way to ever preface something like this so we're just gonna go out and just say it right away caz and his girlfriend lost their baby the yeah it is absolutely tragic you know when life is lost there's really nothing you can say there's nothing we can say at all this is the these are the moments that I feel we earn our flagrancy and what I mean by that is you know we say all these wild things and we say these wild jokes and we go really push things to the limit and I believe we can say this because we know deep down that we're good people and we don't have any malice or hatred for people in the world and these are the moments where we show that we are good people that we care that we've got love for the people that are close to us for our family for our friends so I spoke to Cass today and he said it was okay to share this news with you guys and you know why don't you reach out to Cass if it's on Instagram if it's on Twitter if you know him personally just reach out to him and just show him some love man let him know that you're thinking about him you love him did you know you just think he's a great guy and you miss him obviously Kazon gonna be away from the podcast for a little bit for as long as he needs and we got his back on her percent no matter what but um but yeah just go show him some love man I'm sure he needs some love and you know I'm sure his girl needs some love just give him some good best wishes that you possibly can from the bottom of your heart man and and this is like I said this is where we earn it this is where we showed it you know we are the good people we are the we are strong people we are caring people and that's the reason why we can make these you know horribly fucked-up jokes is because you know deep down when [ __ ] hits the fan we're there for each other so go and really show him what the [ __ ] army is about and show some real love man show some real life he deserves it right now and and yeah and then when he's ready he'll be back and you know I'm sure he'll won't you know give some perspective on this crazy experience I bet there's people listening right now who have gone through you know horribly tragic things like this I won't share you know too many details about the situation one because I don't know that much about the the science I guess about it but uh but yeah it's [ __ ] up it's sad we debated whether putting this at the beginning of episode or at the end of the episode we weren't exactly sure but then we just said [ __ ] it you know we don't wanna we don't want to you know we don't want to like divert from what we've always done which is like meet things head-on on his podcast whether it's with jokes whether it's was something serious we want to just go right for it and you know we've got a we've got I think a great episode coming up today we got a special guest that's gonna call in later Tim Dylan hilarious comedian and he's gonna break down the whole Jeffrey Epstein thing to us you know he's like a big-time I don't want to call a conspiracy theorist cuz that cuts the legs out from under him but he's got great perspective on the the real way the world works let's say that way and he's he's got a hilarious podcast check out but uh so it'll be joining us a little bit later but you know besides that you know I've been gone I missed you guys for a week and you know it's just it's it's it is a weird transition I'm not gonna lie it is weird way to come back from a break none of us I don't think saw this coming I think we're all excited about anis coming into the yes but yeah like Andrew said these are the moments where we show that this is where we show that we're the good guys dressed in a flagrant outfit so yeah in casual love he specifically said please send his girl prayers and good thoughts and love I mean I'm obviously one of my best friends is going through this already Brian who we've spoken about in this podcast but like I see this it's not not an easy thing to go through but yeah we can hold him we can love him and then some one thing I remember is every once in a while just you know how to say the right thing just say something just tweet him yeah man love you that's it that's all you got to do that's it that means a lot to somebody you know going through that and you never know he might need a need something I'll kind of lift them up or make them smile throughout the day it's always nice knowing that you have people thinking about you and I think that you know when tragedy happens it can be so [ __ ] isolating man yeah that's the thing about tragedies you know you you're going through something by yourself and you can't exactly go out and like relate to people about this like yeah how do you act normally like even I I know like my O'Brien even feels guilty when he feels normal yeah you know what I mean like yeah how do I forget about something like that and yeah takes a long time to realize that's okay to feel but like it's yeah I don't know how it's tough to function yeah yeah so I mean Japan sucks can I say one thing about that okay say one thing what Amsterdam is great is that where you went was yeah for the shows that you recommended me for it oh that's right yeah god I'm really your guardian angel I know it's great I do so much for our guys I forget good it was great I love them shorty or nay she came out the next day she'd have work okay so I went out one day then she came out it was dope it was great it [ __ ] come out some [ __ ] no I didn't even promote I didn't promote it uh man I was trying to these videos and then I was like I'll promote when I get there and I will say this about answer damn the Internet is legit like one laziest [ __ ] person on the planet no idea hold on one second oh this guy couldn't post more than one video a week to Instagram an hour to post one video at a certain point I'm not I'm living where ya know absent dinner that's fine it's your uh my internet was dog [ __ ] wife I was trash out there no you could post an Instagram video stop it's not yeah and our so I get this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] a gig in Amsterdam fly paid for their paid you obviously I pay for my flight but you would pay PMI I made money though really yeah I mean I made enough money to that it's like I came out fine he didn't pay for your flight he said he would pay for your flight in the email no no no I think cuz I want to go the different email so he just threw me a little more different airlines he's threw me a little more money and I paid for the flight but like it was like I came out fine but you did pay for your flight you just chose to go with the day yeah yeah so you pay for your flight yeah but because you decided to go the different area I never helped this guy again this guy's the most least grateful [ __ ] how you did maybe Mikey a pay for your flight I don't know hold on I get you this gig in Amsterdam Johan wait a minute fine guys can we remember [ __ ] guys you don't promote the [ __ ] gig right did I get you in Amsterdam right you don't have to do anything for right you get you say on the podcast that he didn't pay for your flight right after already not promoting the gig but he paid you to do right you said he didn't pay for your flight right your place you just wanted points you cheap piece of [ __ ] wanted to get out of being in trouble what does that mean I want to get out of getting blamed for not posting you didn't even post the hotel pick like winning girls get to fly out like you don't know where they're at but they just post the hotel pick you didn't even post that like I had no idea that I forgot that you were there that's honestly fine with me no shows were sold out he already told me he's fried the weekend shows isola i didn't do Wednesday Thursday mm-hmm that last-second fell through so third Friday Saturday shows were sold out I was like all right I could promote it's taking [ __ ] forever to upload these videos anyway let me go see Amsterdam had a good time got recognized at the grocery store I mean just astonishing was there no party that's like I should I should you know promote the shows I think I was one of those things where it's like you got promote that you in Amsterdam and it felt like corny to me you're like phony to me to be like trying to act like I'm more successful than I was or whatever and Schultz got me the shows not like I'm some famous dude but nobody knew that [ __ ] it up today well you live in this city you I'm your guardian angel [Laughter] son like when I saw you had that video they got 200,000 views on Instagram that was this [ __ ] yeah I was high for that [ __ ] yeah but you posted it so you must have been oh I know that was my girl made me do that she was like you got to do something I was like [ __ ] I hate posting on social media I hate it I got fun someone else that helps our comics any comics they go do something with this help I can son if you don't let people know you're poppin they ain't gonna know you're poppin have you listened to rap I do music you listen to my bonus I didn't alright listen it - too much white music bro rappers be poppin before the album's out on a debut album a rapper will go best rapper alive on the debut he wrote the song before the album was Wow that wasn't even a rapper it said right now Blueface who probably has the worst flow in the game is right here I'm saying you took pics you selling out international son he sold them [ __ ] you sold them a solo [ __ ] we know what am i well I'm gonna comment on the Instagram son they knew big dick smoke and mirrors until this real you're right you're right right this fake until it's not come on son are you right you're a big dick I'm tight right now that's beautiful you international sold out and that's not a small venue tumor it was a tumor was that tumor it's weird shaped how it goes back in the pod it's like a why the front is sick friends amazing it's almost like if they cut it off at the bar it'd be better perfect yeah but it does go back colonel goes back like a wishbone yes yeah exactly that yes and you had fun and you liked the shows Thursday show was work that [ __ ] worked with Lee said Wednesday Thursday didn't work out Friday show Friday show sorry Friday was work yes Saturday was fun but Friday show was like brah I was up there and I understood the Dutch audience might be a little differently different yeah but the first five minutes they are just staring yeah Saturday there were little looser there are more fun also the host only did three minutes he's supposed to do ten yeah so only did three so I'm in the bathroom and then he just hops off stage and then I got a like a run on stage and that was a little weird the energy a little weird but then they were just staring and then I had to work dog like my back hurt when I was going legit my back hurt I was like I got a [ __ ] crack these people open this is back her from the blue light district that's blue light blue blue eyes dicks we learned that the hard way [Laughter] yeah I remember Sweden obviously take over a lot of the memories I knew his international violent number which countries concerned I cop sounds so much brag about what's going on you're right and I'm really honestly working at it I am like the [ __ ] post my girls like you got you got 200,000 views you had a post this is like I should and then she was like no don't say you lose night do it now so I was like hi you're right let me do this but it is hosting that you're touring internationally it's like so much of this [ __ ] is is literally people talking and then other people talking and then other people talking but if you don't put it out there nobody absolutely right I just always if it's smoke and mirrors I'm always like and no it's not real neither is comedy you tell the same jokes every night like that's a good point like you didn't that's f you look at them in know in their face and you act like this is the first time you're telling the joke nothing is more inauthentic that's a good point that's a good point we're okay with it yeah so apply that same inauthenticity no you're right you're right sign shows start selling out for your tour you better let people know done done with him with you I was telling you the [ __ ] one of the goats early and I said you need to start talking that [ __ ] is true he's like you know I was too bad comedy community we don't really talk that [ __ ] like that I said [ __ ] it all right and you did that [ __ ] no it's true it is true man cuz I you got to tell people how you feel I said I'm top five alive and then [ __ ] started treating me like I was but if you don't put it in there in their head no no no they need to know Akash how you're selling out international so without Amsterdam you're right come on bro I'm tight lesson learned you got you got pickle you onstage huh yeah late post no answer and thank you for the sold-out shows that bet that be out tonight come on that'd be a tassel army that's listening front like you didn't hear this and just be like yo know y'all killing it now you're right and that's uh yeah you just gotta say [ __ ] it and just pull it just postal it ain't dead ass look at me what does pornstache smoke and mirrors too late bro it becomes real no you're right you're right there is now you got you got to work on and I just [ __ ] anything I do just do it please it's right here so humble I'm being dead serious no I know but that's your whole point though is well I don't know I know I know but it's just a copy like that just whatever I do do to [ __ ] yeah why wouldn't you do anything different to be arrogant I'm saying this right here literally just do it it works now you right put the clip up 200,000 I've been begging you to listen no I'm now I'm just saying it just took a while to get there I never like while to learn lessons like he'd be taking a wild man I'm just taking a while sometimes word especially with that kind of [ __ ] if you don't promote this show coming up on Thursday movie today you too what's the show coming up on Thursday the brown or the Brown a show New York Comedy Club p.m. East Village location 4th Street 2nd Avenue you do promote your shows on the podcast yeah that's good yeah but now we're gonna you got to sell the brand of Akash no I'm gonna start I'm stepping up myself for the clips was like I mean at least why do you feel bad doing it this is I don't know there's something very like it's it's all in my head but there's something kind of phony about all of the like oh look I'm pretending I'm more on than I am and there's something about me that never likes doing it I'm always like not as whack that it's not about any phony not about that cuz you don't mind being phony on stage to me that's like and that's why I love crowd work it's like oh this is and that's what I used to say in a certain point I was like well this is what it is but we talked about this crowd work is the only real moment on stage yep everything else is your acting you'll do crowd work that's not Crower you'll do like crowd work that you know the direction is going I know the direction it's going and then even then I'm let me try to find you try to find the way you're okay what is still phony yeah but you find you find you're okay I can justify this way of doing it you know what I mean I mean I don't need it just a foot for me on me yeah but what I'm saying is like if that's not phony to you there's a reason because I don't think the issue is phony I think the issue is insecurity right oh yeah and that's these other parties you're very vulnerable when you're doing that [ __ ] and especially if I already feel like you know this is kind of phony then I got full get out of the phony thing you're right but that's in my head of like phony is the protective thing right I don't want to be vulnerable so I'm gonna call it phony because it's like what comics do like when somebody's pop in there like I'm gonna [ __ ] hack every shitty car every comic this broke has called every successful comic ahead yeah that's and that's not like the clips was pure I don't want to be vulnerable like what if this [ __ ] ain't good what if it's what if here's the real [ __ ] here's the real [ __ ] I don't know if it's good what if everybody else confirms my deepest fear that is not are we talking that's the real core token you nice no you are nice right son right accosting is nice you're right you wanted an Isis bro I appreciate that I don't even like you if that much outside of your talent no like obviously I love you like my brother but you're not so much fun if you weren't talented I would want to be around you so good at comedy and you so funny and just being funny did I tolerate how wildly boring you are that's a good point - to hang out with like on the road that's a good point that's a good point you're a man I'll be going out son you know the reason why I don't take you on the road this is I'll tell you why the reason why no no has nothing to do with that because I know if I take you you're not gonna go be as great as you will are oh interesting what you mean you aren't gonna be as great as you can be if you are on the road with me and we're having a [ __ ] time of our lives and it's just this international tour and we're selling out these theaters and all that kind of [ __ ] I'm some part of you like anybody in that situation would be like yo this is enough we got it we're making money we're living our dream but I know how great you could be and I can't let you not be that great as your friend I appreciate loves you so it's like I've told us Alex only say because I know this is for me to share with the people how great you are to me no no no I don't take any of this personally you should take it as the most loved yeah the easiest yeah I don't take this as like I mean whatever as negative but I will say this it would bother me opening for you because it would in my mind again confirm that fear that like this is what I am I'm this guy's opener so I would actually probably know everybody's gonna be so no no all egos will hold that hear that hear this all ego based in fear right so that fear is I'm not that good this confirms that I'm not that good yes that's the that's what I'm saying not I got too much pride to be his whatever but there's like this confirms that fear of mine they're like oh [ __ ] this is how good I am yes I'm Andrews opener that's just how good I am and that's where it stops and that's why I also never press to open for you or whatever yes like nah that's that's too real that's go to any goes all based in fear get really this [ __ ] I'm tio it's 100% what I'm working on but it is all based in fear and the fears or something you face you facing I'm a that's the clips the first step we worked on it done first step is what I thought moving on ready for some Tony Robbins you see that Tony Robbins class out here maybe I should know Tony law has got the weirdest clap bro he does he doesn't like that weird you get it up look at look how quick he's [ __ ] ah you're clapping bro and this guy this guy Loki genius jjigae nah he got mad me too Oh word yeah don't you respect him more now so yeah so it's like you and me to is masculine right so no we're getting we're getting on some good [ __ ] we're getting on some good [ __ ] right so eventually and I know this is tough to talk about but the way I dream about these things is everybody that is operating within this umbrella that we're building out that creates their audiences and everybody has their following and then we start doing these massive tours that Dave Chappelle and Joe Rogan when they go do shows together right Chappelle in rock through shows together and all these different people comes together and do shows but and that's just the dream that's the most fun in the whole world that's it that's it the other but the least the design for me is I needed I need you to go out and do and then you did you booked your [ __ ] tour yeah Jim's in but get rid of that [ __ ] ego like open it for me or something like that you know how long I've I was with Charlemagne and like every every single person Charlemagne's co-host this that the other yeah that's close awesome yeah awesome it is to be shown yeah yeah like that's it was like I understood everybody is gonna have somebody did is gonna be their leverage point right and if you don't have that that's the problem you're not nice you're not nice nobody sees nothing in you right there's a lot of [ __ ] that won't get that opportunity we've got a lot of friends that don't get that opportunity yeah you know I mean so it's like you take that opportunity then you lean into it and run with it and then when it's time for you to [ __ ] do your thing you do your thing as well but don't like hey look if you had asked me to open for you I'd have said yes I know about me I don't want to do it I still said yes swallow your ego I know but I guess what I'm saying is don't even I don't even want you to have that tiny little even shred of insecurity about now yeah come on bro right you nice bro what I don't want to ask this guy for anything cause he's already done so much ask me for anything but that yeah I know you'll do it when you can anyway but whatever you need you could ask that's what I'm saying next year we're doing the special yes yeah this year I'm going on listen I'm Tony Robbins all right you're out Tony Robbins why you're not opening up for Alex and what's your deal I didn't ask him yet you so nice Akash come on bro that's all I'm trying that's all I want to get out of a real talk you just the fear you got a like power I remember when I first started going on the road with you and you're like yo you're my guy you gotta like act like you're my guy and so I was afraid to acts the venues like oh is it okay if I put the camera here or is it okay if I can go to the sound now I walk in these [ __ ] venues I'm like where's the sound guy I need a blah blah blah cord I need this like and it's just cause it's like all right you know what I do good work and people appreciate it and now I'm feel more confident about the work that I'm doing and it's like [ __ ] that finish it we all have it that's human bro yeah but you're here for a reason Doug you're not here just because you're my brother and I love you like I want to do shows with you because I think you bring out the funniest version of me that's that's a huge skill you know how many people make you less funny do I'm saying how many people you hang around you're like I mean I feel less funny yeah 100% do I mean we all know where we all take it about our own lives in ourselves but we not all go there yeah hey we happy everything's happy so you crazy I think we all yeah we are we are we have to move it but but you're like no and that's what putting up the clips has been good I mean you were confirmed that you to [ __ ] and you went through this too though the industry even more from me than you like I didn't have an agent until like three months ago so it's like you just get no after no after no that's that party that's afraid is like ah [ __ ] maybe it's not but then when you put the when you take it to the people like you did and you get love you're like oh okay I was right I actually okay there is funny here yes yeah [ __ ] what are you fixing in it all right yes and that's another reason why like you just said why giving it to the people is it confirms it man at the end of the day we listen if we 100% believed that we were funny a hundred percent we wouldn't do comedy yeah yeah that little insecurity in us is the reason why we write a good [ __ ] joke got a good idea that so that [ __ ] is fuel don't lose that now okay don't lose that like when you hang it when I hang out I'm not gonna name names when I'm like around summer like the goats like there's some insecurity there like some of the funniest people you could think of you can feel it and on some level maybe it's like a letdown because you're like you're a superstar the only time I've ever heard you talk is when your perfectly crafted specials were out yeah and then you see them like being normal and like kind of like thinking about something and like saying I think we're thing about certain people yeah yeah and it's like but then you rather you go oh [ __ ] that's the superpower thing that's it's a good point that now it either like we were talking about insecurity is a fire right it either is you the furnace the heats the whole building up or it's the thing that burns the whole thing down right that's what they said about the white guy that played for Duke what's that white guy later yeah that's what Coach K said about christian Laettner he's like the fire in him is he the furnace the heats the whole building or is the fire that burns it down right let that [ __ ] heat the whole building bro yeah you got to keep it in check let it rip let it rip yeah right what yum yell oh I forgot you got the headphones on my bad my bad everybody at home how does need a casa feel himself today man I need you to feel yourself today man and don't be [ __ ] afraid to ask me for nothing hey who else imma give it to I'll like none of these comics I gotta help him because I love comedy you don't mean but I know they were all talking mad [ __ ] before we got [ __ ] moving so you write your funniest things it's like I don't care cuz I understand why this [ __ ] was talked about I gotta forgive you for me not you but for the people who teach it right yeah yeah it's funny getting texts from people I know used to talk [ __ ] eh I love everything you're doing is so inspiring this um Thursday my man thanks bro I don't thanks but thanks brother yeah because I don't harbor none of that [ __ ] I don't Harbor you know I mean what is it why harbor why was it do no I that's a perspective of success yeah [ __ ] all these [ __ ] bro you wanna know some [ __ ] and we love everybody alright love I love everybody when you see me talk [ __ ] about anybody [ __ ] I'm sarcastic yeah but like alright look man that's all I'm saying we had a [ __ ] we had a cool week we had a cool week it's good to be back man it is good to be back it's good to be back from you want to talk about Japan yes let me tell you something about this [ __ ] place this is the most fascinating and intriguing and sad place on the [ __ ] planet it is you will have the best of multiple things that you've ever had in your entire life there such as I had the best steak I've ever had in my entire life they're not even close not even close the best steak I've ever had in my entire life they're not even close was it a place I was recommended or you stumble upon it my shorty was figuring all these things out right we go to this steak place oh they don't talk to each other in Japan like nobody talks it's like were these by themselves yeah like first of all after you were in Japan for a week you completely understand how they were willing to fly the planes into Pearl Harbor right it's like like people can't wait to die there they can't wait to commit suicide they have an old suicide force sudden they have the forest they got fly the planes into Pearl Harbor they have hari-kari this thing where you cut your stomach open take out all your intestine like they have son they got all the different type it you know how like Jordan colorways that's what they got for suicide son they got tongues and then you drop every Saturday at 11:00 a.m. that's the new [ __ ] that's the new [ __ ] right jump in front of the subway love committed suicide I love they think it's their favorite thing right it is a wild place son we were at the stakes up stakes pot right the guy cuts I don't know one of these vegetables zucchini garlic okay yeah you know that what it's a base like kind of a vegetable I'll give you thing you can eat it like that but it's more like a spice or something right yeah but it's a vegetable like any when it's in its entirety y'all know what I'm talking about or no Sun it's my man took it out right started chopping that [ __ ] up right and it's a flat table like this but it's made out of metal it's like a grill but it's not a grill just like where they put the hamburgers at McDonald's you know I'm talking about the flat stainless steel count stainless steel hot put some oil down cuts the garlic real thin he starts making chips out of the garlic right takes his beef Kobe beef wag you Kobe Kobe beef they let the cows listen to classical music they like feed the cows beard life as a whole they're [ __ ] I think they jerk him off oh thank you massage them son they do crazy [ __ ] to these cows you Hindus would really love this up until the end until they pull out that [ __ ] machete no and that's where they probably got it wrong right the Buddhism got there from India yeah right it was like by the time they got there like [ __ ] we hungry so I go meditate all day and I have a burger after this [ __ ] think about this burger give me some garlic chips so they you take the garlic chip you take a little asabi thing they teach you how to have every bite right everything's like a little wasabi garlic chip on top you take that you it is the best steak you've had it's butter right it is butter okay best steak I've ever had you ready for this one I couldn't I didn't even had the heart to admit it but I'll [ __ ] say it right now you ready best pizza oh my god Wow yo turn his mic how I cashing the nicest comic in New York I thought seeing the nicest comic in New York real talk let's go okay look look no [ __ ] it was bare minimum top three and I'm only saying it because they're Asian and I can't they could make a feat so good I can't fat if it was an Italian making that pizza I go you made the best pizza I've ever had in my entire life on fam am i warm good okay okay we're gonna get it we're gonna get into it we're gonna get into a series of eating the pizza okay let me tell you your shorty suggests pizza with your first story suggest first of all she is suggest I suggested cuz I haven't eaten fish I ain't gonna need another fish on my entire life okay okay if you think that Americans are the reason why there's no more fish in the sea go to Japan they eat and all the fish everything is fish breakfast fish two different types of fish that's no lunch fish dinner fish all they're eating is fish it's constant that's that's why they want to kill themselves Real Talk also its redundancy I'm saying it's like you eat fish I want to kill myself if I had to you know the fish oh they want to kill themselves because mercury poisoning I don't know what that means but Mercury's in the fish and if you know thermometer stupid mercury but waters polluted so they get mercury in there and then because we're not recycling thermometers no solution can you look up how do how does mercury get in the ocean and then that [ __ ] makes you go crazy alright well that must be it anyway bruh I think you might have solved it fish fish amazing okay obviously don't worry about this heading close it because it's too distracting we're gonna get there you just look at it yourself and when we come back to you for that information then you can talk okay [ __ ] dumbass [Laughter] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] Hey Ya Ya what you can't say nothing can you kill her like a frog wild [ __ ] Budweiser now you stress right you thinking he just type of random [ __ ] to the computer know what to do he went into his DJ posture you saw that [ __ ] he put his [ __ ] ear in his shoulder you were like this you had your ear in your shoulder look back to these Japanese's okay I had the best sushi I ever had in my life right obviously not Jiro I got a bone to pick with this [ __ ] let me tell you something about Jiro okay we should have taken that guy out World War two okay we missed with zero this fraud okay for those of you guys who don't know where I'm - oh I already spoke about on the podcast I dream of jiro Dreams of Sushi yeah is the name of thing it's a Netflix documentary he not dreaming a sushi let me tell you much okay he dreaming of something else I was so excited to go to this [ __ ] this Becca I was geeked for you son do you know I bought a suit so keep in mind that keep in mind the dinner is a thousand dollars me and my shorty right I buy a suit I wanted each a thousand each thousand that's crazy bro son wait till you hear that this dinner angry Kramer right now here we go thousand dollar dinner right pre-booked we get it I'm so [ __ ] hyped yeah we start looking up the right way to eat the food how to operate in the JIT okay you gotta wear a suit okay boom I gotta wear a suit I go buy a [ __ ] suit right I've even have sizes for you in Japan him I bought it in America okay I was prepared I brought the suit over there right I brought a new pair of shoes I bought the belt I bought the shirt I spent $1,000 on the suit the whole thing I'm mm deep for jira okay we go to JIRA right we're running late the [ __ ] is in the subway you can't even find it you got to go through some back entrance it's like you're trying to get into a nightclub in the 80s like some real crazy [ __ ] we running madly shorty got on heels and [ __ ] she's in you're rushing to do it we should go to this video and I developed a cool way to tell her to shut up without saying shut up I just go but up is like aggressive but if you up up up up up up they don't really know what to do they just stop good we're about to be late you can't be late you're my girl we're doing it cannot be [ __ ] little [ __ ] late in their whole life yeah okay these are very principled formal people okay I pull up in I pull up in I call it Ben I pull up in okay we finally get there three minutes to spare we sit down thank God we got it okay what you'd like me to take your jacket the girl at the door says I didn't even get to show zero but I would luckily give the double-breasted so Jerome never saw double-breasted we sit down ready for sushi keep in mind I know some of you look at me right now like I don't know sushi at all I'm some white [ __ ] I don't understand these things but you know what I did that day I went to the fish market from jiro Dreams of Sushi oh yeah that morning 6:00 a.m. and you know I did immediately after I saw the first tuna get caught I went to one of the restaurants at the old fish market that has the fresh tuna and I had sushi for breakfast I had the best sushi I ever had in my entire life that morning that morning the recommendation from our homeboy Tao they came to the paella when I tell you this sushi was incredible you've never had it in your entire life and there's something different than four with tuna and everything else the fish tuna is like that steak butter it is butter on rice you never experienced to like the tuna we have here and the salmon you know how they're like almost interchangeable yeah tuna is so unique in texture and flavor from every other fish that you've tried you see why they're obsessed with it I had the best sushi I ever had in my entire life I doubled down I ordered another round and I heard the Japanese got a little bit American oh I heard how Japanese honestly Japanese that's Italian the weirdest language bro I'm telling you it's listen of course you think that you always think about that right but it's it's more melodic Grand Hyatt though that's how you say Grand Hyatt I'm gonna write hey son I don't speak no japanesse I'm speaking no Japanese but I heard little words you basically just say condiments condiments you walk into the restaurant I don't know what they saying but they're like honey mustard ketchup honey mustard ketchup man it said you just say condom is they just screaming condiments you understand it I don't know what's going on I tried to sushi that morning I tried to sushi that morning I prepare myself in sushi I took a nap son I was about to go to Giroud's I pressed I had that [ __ ] hanging for three days put it in the shower put the shirt and shower to get the wrinkles a team yeah bro is gerald dream she was dreaming of it so off to just sit down no jacket I sit down I look up I see zero I'm like wow he looks great still and then I realized oh [ __ ] it was actually his son that's a problem now the son was in the documentary I'm like my he's aged but this is still awesome there I at least get the son cuz jiriz 94 years old I was worried he wasn't even gonna be there so I was like boom we got the son from the documentary we're good I look to his left and there's jira word Jiro and his son I got the double whammy oh you're hype I'm [ __ ] hyped can we get you something to drink green tea I know better I looked at the rules don't order alcohol his disrespect I sit down sure he sits down green tea green tea right there piping hot piping hot are you even more excited I'm so excited but it was so hot Akash I tried to drink I had to put it back down let across the frame I had to let cool it was so piping hot pipe it was it was piping right we we get the first piece of sushi right I put it in my mouth I take two bites almost threw up on your son I almost threw up on zero son the wasabi started to crawl down my nose okay the rossabi is crawling down my nose I'm trying to hold it in and then I realize if I don't suck this back I'm gonna throw up all over a Jiro son so I go I suck all the horseradish or whatever the wasabi made out of back up into my nose I'm like okay maybe that's expanding our palate he's just setting the tone right take another sip piping hot [ __ ] green tea boiling hot green tea point it down next piece of sushi comes right away it's once you're in there you're [ __ ] in there it's on conveyor belt take it we don't use chopsticks we read you use your fingers home second piece of sushi more wasabi when I tell you I almost left the restaurant took the RO up I'm being a hundred percent honest with you keep in mind I had fresh sushi from the fish market this morning no issue this is something specific to general to pieces in almost threw up take another sip of the green tea boiling hot just molten lava just my whole mouth is burnt my tongue is burnt everything's burnt but you know what I'm actually grateful because now I can taste the wasabi less that my whole mouth is burning right a guy comes up he starts to about to pour more green tea into my cup right good evening to you I go I go no no no thank you no thank you he looks at me in front of my shorty confronted zero before the gyro junior he goes oh it's a free I just paid $1,000 you think I can't afford whatever the [ __ ] the cost of a little extra green tea would be to say that to me was mind-boggling mind-boggling no I want to cool down they don't understand anything out there nobody speaks English in Japan go through the rest of the sushi ten of them were edible the other ten horrific horrific in the inedible you couldn't eat it like even if you could eat wasabi just didn't taste good did she like it hated it really hated it Hey peace was just covered wasabi hid it underneath I don't know what happened dude I honestly I don't listen I wasn't around for Pearl Harbor I promise you it was not as bad as what I had on behalf of the Japanese on behalf of the Japanese like as I'm eating this I'm like internment camps yes round them up put them in the kit like why do you let this is pleasin you're poisoning a human being here son $1,000 suicide so they'd rather crashing in a heartbeat dude I couldn't dude I could not [ __ ] believe it bro at talbin to Jiro have you heard from other people that is not that great I we go to a bar right afterwards just bar called high five or they just make a cocktail for you based on what you like you just tell them a few things and they just potion up a cocktail was really impressive and the first thing we said we just came from zero and the guy goes didn't like it huh Wow everybody that goes there afterwards says the same thing it's a [ __ ] marketing ploy don't go don't waste your money the best sushi you'll have is in Tokyo and you can walk into any sushi restaurant and get it don't waste your money on that [ __ ] [ __ ] thousand dollars I was starstruck I was looking at his hands he is my beautiful hands they both have such beautiful hands what's beautiful about them the only part of their body doesn't age the Japanese it is those two those two and I mean they'd be rubbing them in the wasabi no son it's south of wasabi it's the rice there's a yeast they're using the rice that this that this like makeup company uses to make s k2 is the name of the company you guys heard of this company ask your girl about a guarantee that she knows and they use the same property to like make your skin not age and I swear to god this [ __ ] was magic I'm looking at two guys Jiro's 90 for his son looks [ __ ] 84 they look old as [ __ ] their hands look 19 19 immaculate watch you're gonna have everybody just throwing rice on their face real talk that's probably what they put in Hennessy barbecue wings so what everybody buffalo wings what's the best Pizza Pizza strata but what makes it so good you have to understand I and that's reasonable what the Japanese do is they're craftsmen they just perfect anything anything that happens they just perfect like breakdancing son breakdancing what's it called suicide Subway's cleanliness ice cream like it don't matter they just gonna find a way to perfect it they just stick because that's their only outlet they got no more outlets so in it you we got yelled at in a bar am i shorting that for kissing wow you could smoke cigarettes in a bar you smoke cigarettes in a bar you could blow cancer into someone's face but if you're kissing a girl please stop the guy ran over the bartender random no no affection less culture everything about the cultures commodifies and transaction eyes right so it's like I feel like I want some affection I want to cuddle will you go to this cuddle bar I just want to talk to a girl you'll go to this bar where girls come over and they talk to you I want to come now you'll go to this massage place where they jerk you off and then you'll come son it is it's it seems like it's great but it's a completely an organic form of living oh yeah right it's unnatural yeah nobody thinks the Japanese are organic people mind-boggling but they create this perfection you know it's so it's like one of these this is what it is Japan is like the greatest hotdog you've ever had or the greatest sausage greatest piece of chorizo you've ever had right in that it's so amazing but you don't want to know what went into it you know I'm saying like the ingredients are yeah like you don't want to know the ingredients of a culture that creates these perfectionist right right you don't want to know what it takes to get to bear like dude it was I mean like dude there's crazy [ __ ] about the culture like it's the only culture in the whole world where a wife can sue her husband's lover so if you're cheating yeah your wife can sue the woman you're cheating with yeah but what can you do to you I mean actually could take half your [ __ ] - Wow or whatever it is but like think about it at first rate that's crazy listen it's genius brilliant they figured out how to cut down on cheating yeah don't punish the husband keep these hoes away from me these hoes away what's that just keep the hose away but there it is son but what did G so now these hoes are like how badly do I want this dick do I want this dick so badly I'll pay for it that's I'm saying that's a brilliant idea look there's no doubt that their genius about [ __ ] but there are prob I start feeling bad for women then you know I rarely feel bad for these hoes but then there were times there where I was like yo call me an example first of all there's zero like they are the leaders in fashion mm-hmm for men right women dress like they're in little house on a prairie these [ __ ] are in stockings like the sitting Jews Hasidic Jews like every store on her ass lookin ass [ __ ] less yes making [ __ ] wicker baskets like literally no fashion at all for the chicks it's trash I watched crazy rich Asians and it was getting kind of fly have a Singapore Sun yeah Singapore Chinese a little different with it a little different with it these dudes is like the women are VIP they said there's a statistic said 1% of Japanese women have orgasms that seems kind of high donut some given as dudes these guys be working [ __ ] so look maybe all I'm saying is like like they're mad did the bow and [ __ ] like event like chill out with us how many times we gonna bow bro like like 1 is Japanese you if y'all hunched over when they get all this in Bali mmmm too much Sun oh you have to keep ballad it's not just one pound you I cut that [ __ ] off eventually I hit him with that like I'll give him a little you know but son when like the service people in the service industry how do I say this I'm not trying to say Japanese people are like squirrels but like they you know how like squirrels are like that's how they are that's how Japanese people are like you're like excuse me or something there you tear the cabdriver sir we're actually going to yo I'm telling they freak out like I see one calm chillin like if you think about it think about their culture right it's either work 17 hours Tokyo go crazy or what's the opposite is calm water flowing Taoist monk that's Japan they know they need that [ __ ] it's one of the other but they need it bro ah dude and then Kyoto don't ever go to Kyoto what's Kyoto Kyoto is the biggest piece of course [ __ ] in the entire world don't ever go I never had Kyoto's this city a couple hours away from Tokyo and it's basically like Westerners the way we think of Japanese people we think they're like walking around in kimonos with [ __ ] samurai swords and [ __ ] that's so that's so when we go to Tokyo we don't see that we're like I would have been disappointed right so you want to see a [ __ ] in a kimono right with the sandals and like walk bobble in and [ __ ] yeah so like with the rice paper doors and [ __ ] yeah so the closest city that's got that is Kyoto and everybody said oh my god killed it's so awesome that but it's no different than like when tourists come to America and they like think we're all Cowboys yeah so like Oh finally we saw Amer you go to San Antonio we saw America it's like what I mean America is Cowboys they not even really around anymore yeah that's cute so don't go there anyway that's I look that's it we don't have to talk about Japan anymore fascinating place go check it out it is a fascinating place go check it out you go material out of it I don't know I really at this point I'm not exactly sure you got to wrap your mind around I have to something good will come from that though yes there is something good it just needs some time I need a process some time I did think of one joke about how nothing to do with Japan just my shorty having her period and I think I can tell relationship by the way you hit period you know what because I was wife we were watching Harry Potter right I was just doing anything to calm her down don't work on another week and she was like I had enough even before the period of starts of PMS is before the period said we'll be upset how many days you'll want to be upset a week with a period before a period and sometimes after I guess I've never really listened to them with Brier I never brought over MTV joseline Jake if she told me that she was like oh the week before the period I didn't know that either I was like the week before she's like yeah and the week up and sometimes a week after and then she goes you basically get about one good week out of us and that we get all that great to be honest son I'm watching Harry Potter and the Goblet assumption this stupid-ass [ __ ] movie this this Harry Potter should everybody loves so much and this it is so dumb tonight now and Jordan Peterson talked about on the Rogan which blew my mind you read a book now yeah you couldn't be more gay he was on his period so she got in the books here's out yeah I made up doing my girl that if she read Rich Dad Poor Dad Audrey there he Potter's oh she's spending all your money oh let's figure this out if we're gonna buy houses and [ __ ] we need to do this right but I will say this I made fun of her for this and I told her this is gonna go into a bit somehow but you know you pay for your [ __ ] internationally right and my girl and I've been internationally probably every year we've been together at least once and I asked her to I gave her my card I was like he'll keep pay for this I got to do this thing and the way she looked at the credit card machine was like she was looking at a [ __ ] like like a [ __ ] the x-ray machine or something she's just like I don't where does the card go like she's trying to do nuclear fission trying to pay for one thing and I was like we eaten at least a hundred meals and this list you know you haven't paid for a single [ __ ] one of them look at that [ __ ] like what what is it I don't know they don't know I don't know and then they get on that period bro you know what's funny I was planning on a period coming and I was like yo let me ask you something I was like yo let me just ask you something like I know when girls get on their period right cuz when you're on vacation you got no respite os yes y'all - exactly you gonna fight exactly yeah so it's like when you're on vacation it's you guys the whole day so right you could you could bottle up that period for like two hours to hang out with me but it cannot be bottled for 24 hours the period is gonna leak right outcomes suppose so I knew it was coming so I go like this I was like yo let me ask you something so like it's a crazy thing when your period when like it's a you know affects you emotionally you're you know like a woman's ability to like you know make decisions right so so I go I go I go I go I go I'll go so like let me just ask you like when you're going through your period and I feel like you're making decisions that are motivated by your period do you want me to like bring that up like what's the best way for me to say like this is a menstrual decision this is not a new decision right like what's the best way like give me the best way to say that right so so here's me thinking you rack your brain yo you just tell me like you tell me what you want me to say to you when you're on your period you think you see it playing out differently in your mind because it's like think he's gonna get minimus like oh I'll tell you what to say I've had this conversation with my brother before like I'm like yo I'm like yelling when you feel you can you feel you know I mean when you feel crazy come on like oh you want me to let you know like how you want me to let you know I'm sensing it so I could tell you and we could go this out I got a comic friend who's bipolar we tell him banana split whenever we're worried that it's yeah right very safe words and I was like yo I was like yo all right boom what now that you've seen your man is it definitely you can't hear it with a bottle so so I'm like how do you want you know and then she tells me just you don't have to say you're doing this because but you can bring it up as a suggestion and I listen to that yeah because it was before the period they're logical beings before the period right so we're watching nah son logical smart like oh you know I mean shorties you got it the [ __ ] goblet movie is on right and in the Goblet movie one of the teachers is a werewolf and when a full moon comes every 28 days on the full moon right every month every literal lunar calendar the full moon comes and then the teacher uncontrollably turns into a savage werewolf that cannot be reasoned with at all a monster if you monster if you will and I'm like this [ __ ] ain't about wolf this is my wounds this here is the halls of Ivan's wounds son the werewolf is the period the whole time they made it about men so that women wouldn't know that we're talking about them but in reality is really about area and that's the only thing funny to happen that's great though in Japan that's a great bit there could be something point to it but wrong Oh son you know how crazy is to have that conversation when you're in a fight and you're like yo you realize it's not a fight tomorrow when you're the moon is not full grace Akash yeah I didn't know Schultz in a relationship he'd be having a relationship material dog this is not he's now he's this is much more like handling him like much better and all that but he be having material about it well this is how smart this [ __ ] shorty is right we in this fight right you know the fight always becomes some other [ __ ] right I got certain things that like are like know goes for me like you can't talk about career I'm being busy or none of this kind of [ __ ] I'm traveling none of those things that stressed me out we don't even discuss those things and she started and she starts going like I understand that but you know there's certain times where you know when you feel insecure certain things are a little bit more volatile than they are when you're not feeling insecure and you feel in valid very valid completely so like in those moments what is the best way to just articulate my feeling so I could get the validation that I need to feel good and I realize this too is getting me to agree to a way for her to complain explain to her how to complain that's good it's good though cuz she can otherwise you're just gonna read listen I'm gonna be honest if you don't give her that it's just gonna build good and the walls it blows up son if you know the white girl ain't no building it is all floods get you a brown shorty and it's all floods guested it and I was like yo I was like Oh how's it trip he was like music oh yeah yeah it was girls like no no like he's ready for the first time how was the trip you got a fight yeah like I'm not gonna lie it was the best trip girls are taking my life I mean that hundred percent it was by far the best beautiful yeah yeah a hundred percent it was it was like it was a mind-blowing experience in a lot of ways Japan was unreal but I mean that sincerely and she did all the [ __ ] I don't want to do like she like found the cool restaurants the cool places I don't want to do that I'm not trying to be yo and also like she's young you want to do it but you don't want to book you want to Google it you want to do you don't want to go through it so that's something I really you need the person you're with gotta like doing the [ __ ] you hate doing that's your teammate that's how it's tick boom you know I mean is God they got you y'all can't so figured out all the [ __ ] knows the the dress to show to the taxi driver so I don't gotta [ __ ] and your fat ass up on your phone [ __ ] was that your gums my knees Japanese people eat on their knees - all right listen is there is there anything else we just have an event you know if you travel you're gonna fight it's that you said even living together you got to work you have breaks and you travel together it's you yeah it's y'all good bro we have one it was just one the whole time last day hey me and mine same less it's almost like y'all need to get it out Alys cannot wait to contribute right I'm waiting to see about this call let me see but oh [ __ ] I forgot we got advertising's osk let's do these mids I get these meatballs oh why you looking at up do you guys all right run the red light oh what's that [ __ ] a girl in a beard so you know what there's a grace period that is really the way to combat PMS dead-ass cuz they be horny or - when they talk too much just just whip your dick I don't know if you ever did it it was just a premise but he said something like they say women are horny in their periods and they get horny er as they age isn't it ironic that the times they're horny are just the times we don't want to [ __ ] them are they horny or we just not want to [ __ ] them so then it's like now you know what it's like to be a guy you want to have sex all the time when nobody wants to [ __ ] you all the time yeah there's a yeah okay that's good that's a good things onwards everything yeah but then you got it you know I'm it is a it is a thing that period is a [ __ ] thing man it is yeah you just do it in the bed you'll do it right in the bed huh after after shower makeup why not to do it in the shower not you guys dangerous black uses slip break both your terms come on the floor like everyone done it in I'm sold I want to get like one of those things in the shower so you don't slip just for me being black too dangerous to take other chances I'm not proud of myself because I [ __ ] a lot for how old I am okay like I don't like [ __ ] all the time okay but I knew when I was gone I'm on a vacay yeah yeah I mean it's just me and Shorty she won't expect some day yeah so I was trying to ration I actually didn't even mind you I just pretend to be angry just so right now mouthal - wasabi a kid you love you know um but in all in all seriousness man it's like now I get a different side of salty bit wrong Chelsea's muhfuckas coming in Birkenstocks I'm like oh man oh I told him that's how the story about what we gonna do to mark yes so money will tell the flagrant fans so they know it was sort of a random [ __ ] gotta be white Birkenstocks I guess my black skin I'm gonna look like [ __ ] that's gonna hot dog that's gonna look hot you buy off White's all the time you got it all white off whites your girls are white all white [ __ ] why'd you like meatball going through it going through it or what okay no we're gonna do all that bins all right let's take a break for a second we got some bills to pay guys if you're listening to this right now that means the podcast is available on audio Mac audio Mac is the free music and podcast streaming app that lets you stream and download the hottest albums mixtapes songs playlist and podcasts along with audio mac exclusives discover the best new songs by browsing the training page you know how I feel about curation I feel like think Gamze curation now there's so much [ __ ] out there in the world that we need curators to come together and weed the [ __ ] audio mac does that for you okay check out the library of carefully curated playlists there's one for every mood you're in and take your favorite songs and podcast offline to save your data and listen wherever you are audio mag is here to move music forward available now on the App Store and Google Play is audio mac AUD IOM ACK give it a try see if you like it and also share your feedback with us you know we love that you know if it's something that you really like and you really believe in and y'all support we keep rockin with it and if you guys come back and you say you didn't like it we don't as simple as that you know with it's that simple we're not gonna take on ads that we haven't tried and we don't think we don't support we [ __ ] with these things that we promote here but we want to make sure that y'all having that experience as well this episode is also brought to you by my favorite type of chew is blue chew listen let's let me tell you something let me tell you something you sprinkle a little blue chew this is the game-changer right here you brush your teeth before you go into bed okay it's what you do you put that toothpaste on crumble up that chew sprinkle it on that food face start brushing those teeth brush your teeth for a good ten minutes that's ten minutes of working it in okay after you brush your teeth you do your bedtime ritual you put some lotion on you what put you through that's another three to four minutes now you're not waiting around for the 20 for it to kick in by the way guys blue shoe is gonna give you the best bone of your [ __ ] life you satisfy the [ __ ] out of your girl if you don't know this already you crazy this is one of the best longest running sponsors of this podcast but I'm telling you this new way when you put that blue chew in that cold gate when you put that blue chewing that Colgate done this stop on yo when she was on video no no no you game wasn't an ounce [Laughter] she caught that on a plane she's out of play but real talk business and business class no no no though we did not so all I'm saying is bro that [ __ ] Bellucci dog that little sprinkle little put some sprinkle bro I put a little bit of sprinkle I put that sprinkle a bur sprinkled on it Dawg that's brush them up I don't spit out I don't spit out the tooth that's wild take it down take it down this is why I was I've been shaking my head no the whole time because I'm like you're not even consuming it washed it out got it oh no dog I really don't know you know it tastes fine can I be honest with y'all can I be honest with you good job I don't know no okay if this is just me being a candid can I be candid let me be candid honey mustard I put that [ __ ] on the [ __ ] you know what it is cuz a pill Kruk crushed a little bit across a little bit cuz it wasn't in travel I was in travel transit or whatever and so I took it out and I was like what do I do with this little cross and I had put that Colgate on the toothbrush beautiful like in the commercial you know that little I had that swoop son and I had the swoop almost act like a little spoon that little swoop yes excuse that looks cute right you might need a little scoop so I put that I put that honey mustard I put that honey mustard I put that blue honey mustard son gutted that Colgate Gang Gang bro it's not even a bang bang bang bang gang gang arkasha it's not even a game dude it's not even a [ __ ] I need boots you'd be hogging it all yo my bad I'm gonna give you some chew that's all that's on me that's my did you need one to keep up to me at one of my gigs pull that ablutions like y'all bro you down for it right now I was like I was really hoping it was Incheon [ __ ] women he came he asked that's right you cannot share a blue - he wanted to share a blue Choubey it's like gay ecstasy apparently was oh is he straight I think was madly he was very drunk he was like he was just trying to relate connect with you he didn't realize how awkward that that way in the future son just throw an [ __ ] up chuck the [ __ ] up which I do you do know because Sharon blue - at your boy that's a little bit odd I don't know what y'all gonna do when that happens I don't know I didn't think until right now yeah like when a [ __ ] comes up to you when you DJ is so nice that a god doesn't want to just give you regular dick he wants to chew you out bro you know how nice you got to be a DJ in bro what did we say your dj name was DJ obese what we say your dj name was my lane I love you though alright then we'll talk blue chew calm okay you go to blue to calm blue to calm you use the offer code flagrant okay you're gonna get it free free sample you pay $5 shipping free best boners of your [ __ ] life show your girl the night of her life impress a girl you haven't slept with come through with the [ __ ] hammer I'm not playing around we've been killing it with this partnership the [ __ ] army and blue cheese had a partnership and we've been [ __ ] murdering it so go out there go chew somebody out if you're a girl get your man to chew you out you deserve it you part of the [ __ ] army you keeping it tight let him make it loose simple as that simple as that get out there live your best life blue to calm over Co flagrant make it happen let's get back to the show yo we got some shows coming up Akash wants you started up yo first of all this Thursday that's two days from today me and my homies a brownish comics are at New York Comedy Club on 85 East four Street 8:00 p.m. show come through is hysterical also I'm gonna be on tour the big they see energy tour be de in the building we're going to Houston September 6 the secret group at 8 p.m. September 7th we're in Austin at the fallout theater at 7:00 we're back there the next day at 8:30 September 13th we have two shows at piano fight in San Francisco 8 o'clock and 10:30 the 19th I'm in LA at the Comedy Store belly room they have apparently switched their ticket service so no matter how much I harassed them they aren't putting the tickets online but we're gonna figure this out xx were in Portland a curious comedy at 7:30 p.m. October 11th Minneapolis sisyphus brewing two shows 8:00 and 10:30 come through I'm nice get there son he's nice he'll don't play around [ __ ] with your boy Akash all right guys surprise pop-up show today this is coming up today at New York Comedy Club Schultz and friends come by tomorrow what do you want to come you do anything tomorrow 9:15 is the time on the show we're at New York Comedy Club which one Oh Gramercy 8:40 spot there I know that's that's the show before ok yeah yeah so you're okay so so yeah that's that's gonna happen that surprised so usually I don't talk about the shows I'm doing in the city unless it's like a big headline show but there might be some tickets left for this one if you hear this in the morning and you're in New York City and you want to pull up pull up how's your voice it's gonna be a fun lineup very fun lineup then we got Washington DC this Thursday through Sunday we added another show Thursday night it's been crazy man six shows sold out we had a seven show Thursday night that looks like that's gonna sell out soon so get there real quick get those tickets DC improv then Chicago Early Show sold out we're doing a Late Show as well Talia Hall theater beautiful theater we got a few tickets left for that go get that one sell that real quick Moscow and then we got Australia man raelia show Sydney the Sydney shows sold out so we started releasing more tickets turns out the venue has more tickets more seats available so they added some seats to it thank you all so much man they didn't expect you guys to sell it out so we added those seats those tickets are available right now on the theater shows calm website links for that and then we're gonna be in Adelaide Perth Brisbane Sydney Melbourne go check that out man get those shows and then they're more shows at the end results calm very excited about some new cities that we added to the show list go check that out we will see you soon peace let's get back to the show okay Andy shut the [ __ ] up dog was so funny alright yo real talk this is this is an interesting thing that happened to me this week I've had a very interesting interesting week but when I was in Japan I'm at this clothing store and is doing a clothing store we're talking I got some [ __ ] and he was like you know yo I know some parties out here can't say like that I don't know how he [ __ ] said it but he basically alluded to having some parties out here he's like let me find you an Instagram and I'll do it I go to type my name and Instagram and nothing pops up nice weird every time I was having my name is popped up right yeah like oh maybe it's a Japan thing doc maybe it's just Japan I scroll down further after typing my whole name in it and when I typed my name with a space Andrew space Schulz I don't pop up at all what the [ __ ] all these other people named Andrew Schultz Andrew Schultz spelled wrong Andrew Schultz spelled were to eat at the end all these different types of Andrew Schultz but my name don't pop up I'm verified I got 300,000 followers whatever like this where I type my actual name my whatever Instagram that name that [ __ ] pops up right but it pops up below the scroll yeah right so if you go on Instagram a window of names pops up and you got to scroll down in the window to find you yes right below it I'm like that's convenient yeah that's convenient that my name doesn't pop up when you first put it but you would have to scroll down to find it because who would or scroll down I was like that's something weird then I got people started telling me that they can't find me on Instagram I got people trying to tell me they can't add comments to my stories and I'm like what the [ __ ] is going on I asked about it and apparently I got shadow man's shadow ban is instagrams way of saying hey behave you did something that apparently users didn't like so we're gonna punish you you've been a bad boy right people like when you told a company line now I'm not going to say I'm not gonna say that this is related all I'm saying is I find it convenient that the week that the week that like you know the most famous rapper is DM in me the week that Kevin Hart repeats the Eddie Murphy take I had about the pay-per-view verbatim verbatim and he didn't say it as if it was his he was like someone was saying oh he said that yeah he was saying so was saying he said someone he didn't know who I was but that's fine but like I find it coincidental did the second I start reaching the top or the biz I get a little spanking cuz [ __ ] are on Instagram every single day shout in hate speech lying [ __ ] the crosses on fire doing racist [ __ ] all right [ __ ] anti-semitic [ __ ] like people just scream in that brutal Wilin Wilin push fighting women you know what I mean like there's crazy [ __ ] on Instagram every single day not Shadow Man but all Sun I'm gentleman and I think it is a combination of an opinion that they might not like and influence they'll let uninfluential people say whatever yeah you start to show some influence they're like woo we are quiet that's it y'all be careful chill the [ __ ] out I'll go okay that's fine hopefully the shout man gets left if y'all know anything how to do it someone said it might take a couple weeks I don't know if you guys know anything about it please let me know it'd be nice to get rid of it that being said I I Instagram about it you guys had my back everybody was reposted stories this kind of [ __ ] I might be the only person that during a shadow man increased followers all to Sun him I start to realize this is not the first time it's gonna happen I've been waiting for this eventually we're gonna reach a certain level of notoriety or influence where they're going to try to clip our wings right and the only way to navigate that the only way where we can maintain the flagrancy and maintain our our real estate in this market and what we're doing is if we have direct connection to you guys listen to the podcast has to be direct so I hit up our cos I'm like oh gosh we need to get them email list going right now Akash sets up this email list you can get the link for it on the Twitter the flagrant two are me Twitter its flagrant two are me or our flagrant two Instagram it will be in both of the BIOS right yeah will also both tweet it out and Instagram story but basically the only way to protect the relationship we has have is if we have direct connection because at any point in time Instagram could be liked by Schultz by Akash by player to at any point in time Apple or one of these companies could say oh you can't do that podcast anymore you guys say such wall [ __ ] we are at their mercy right now in the only way that we can maintain the relationship and what we have going is if we have direct connection this is not for us to say some thought that ya scared me the guy who was homeless eight months ago for he started it patreon could say immediately hate speech you're done you're done in a second D flat fun deep platform because they've done to other people yeah and they're doing it to me for jokes think about that I don't do political [ __ ] on Instagram if you look at my Instagram it's only jokes I understand D platform [ __ ] cuz they're like truly trying to put out like a hateful candidate in office or a hateful agenda out there I have jokes yeah we're talking about D platform we're not deprived about a shadow man because of comedy literally everything we're fighting against so the only way that we can protect ourselves from these things is set up these email lists you guys give us your email we're not trying to inundate you with [ __ ] emails the last thing we want to do is even send your emails we just want to have a - Asian where we can connect with you guys god forbid we get taken off we can shoot an email everybody back yo we just got taken off this we started up another account go listen to the podcast right here we want to be able to connect with you if God forbid something fucked-up happens and then immediately we can shift over how powerful that would that be if the entire [ __ ] army could shift to another platform in a [ __ ] day that's some [ __ ] they can never take away from us that's leverage that's the game right so do us a favor to yourselves a favor if you want to continue this go connect to those email lists give us your email sign the [ __ ] up so we have some protection in this very scary age where literally your entire platform could be taken away from you in a [ __ ] heartbeat because we got a we have to maintain the level of flagrancy that we [ __ ] with all the time or else it ain't fun for us and the only way we can maintain that is knowing that they can't chop our heads off at any point right simple as that so go do that okay I think now we should have a conversation with another person that's been shadowed and another person that I find absolutely hilarious another person with insider information on this whole Jeffrey Epstein thing we're gonna call my man Tim Dylan I'm gonna pass his phone over to Ed and his number is you see that right there and explain to us exactly what the [ __ ] is going on with this Epstein quote-unquote suicide ai ai I think this is the first time in history where universally people are starting to subscribe as real yeah and to the universal yeah where the conspiracy makes more sense than the story conspiracies mainstream yes so that's a dagger yo Tim well looks like the CIA has gotten involved shut us down immediately there's hold on let's see we got we got you Tim yeah yeah sorry buddy it's all good guys everybody this is Tim Dylan you Tim Dylan hilarious comic amazing podcast Tim Dylan now is that the Tim Dylan show or is it Tim Dylan goes to zero okay I'm joined you go you've changed the name yeah hilarious podcast Tim tim has had quite the week because you've been somebody that's been very vocal about the Clintons involvement in [ __ ] underage girls well yeah I mean I'm a conspiracy guy I plugged in probably to an unhealthy degree to what's going on but uh you know Saturday morning I think was my you know Christmas when Santa Claus who looked a lot like Hillary Clinton came down the chimney and the chimney was the air vent of a jail cell in the Metropolitan Detention Center lower Manhattan and she came in and had the milk and cookies and then strung that [ __ ] up and and kill no it's it's a story that I've been following for a very long time and you you say to yourself well a guy like this gets caught you go there's no way they're gonna let this go to trial you got to kill him right and then he gets killed and then you know you're like this is it I'm right you know I've been proven right now give us some back story on Epstein and this whole situation because I think people are still trying to wrap their heads around what this is why people want him dead yeah I for one know next to nothing about the whole Epstein thing so yeah Aakash is a perfect example I think of a lot of people out there that truly just don't know much about the story they're just like okay I grow as a pedophile white people [ __ ] this is white you know yeah right in your culture this is not even a thing here you don't have to go to an island it is so right the church is the temple whatever the freedom nation like this that's all I was trying to do is carry the Bahamas Jeffrey Epstein is a very wealthy guy he is a resident of Manhattan he acquired his money in a very interesting shady way basically this guy that owns Victoria's Secret next yeah he's the owner of Victoria's Secret James Jeffrey Epstein a lot of his money to manage because he said you know him and have seen Matt he seemed to like Epstein and he gave him a lot of money including a townhouse in New York City worth about 70 million dollars then Epstein lives dead lived it okay anyway so that's why suspicious right a little bit you think yeah I mean listen this has got to be a real good friend to be giving somebody a seventy million dollar cat out and so that so immediately you think like what are those two guys Bostic oh right well it's what are they what are they both into sports probably not so he leads up scenes they they you know they start to make a lot of money Epstein also has this island in the in the Virgin Islands called little st. James which is he all depicted private island where he has a mansion a pool a temple on the island or a building that looks like a temple and you know carefully Epstein invited people to this island he was a socialite he threw lavish parties and at these parties he had underage girls performing sexual acts on wealthy powerful people and I don't mean like wealthy people like they only BMW I mean like billionaires ex presidents prime ministers these were all against AFC's orcs and Jeffrey Epstein met all of those people because he had a friend named just Lane Maxwell he's playing Maxwell is it is a UK socialite his father was a media mogul he owned newspapers like like Rupert Marc he was the number Murdoch of the UK before Rupert Murdoch correct so he owns and he was also an asset of Israeli intelligence widely believed there's books written about this him or her she's a great journalist wrote a book right where they said you know Robert Maxwell is an asset of the massage so for people that don't understand what that is basically when you have a spy agency like the Masada the CIA they need people to help okay these people don't necessarily work at the CIA but they are useful for the CIA they can provide the Mossad with information they can put information in their newspapers that the Mossad I think is beneficial for Israel or whatever so they usually like to have powerful people as their assets as people that they can use as a way to disseminate information or collect information because that's what these agencies basically do okay now so here's daughter yeah how do you know how would an agency get powerful people like that to do their bidding well great question and how they do that in many cases is they compromise or blackmail those people no that's what agents do a spy the top of the spies to get information and the to jonov of a spy that's in the field let's say you're you're you're a field agent you're out there you're trying to recruit people to give you information you have to have leverage over them otherwise just information right so one of the one of the ways today for doing that is sexual blackmail setting you up in what's also called like a honeypot right there you've got the Russians agent yes maybe you're cheating on your wife maybe you're cheating on your wife with a prostitute who's a male or transgender or underage whatever the case is they allow these things to happen they organize these things and then they get you know recording equipment video equipment and you know Jeffrey Epstein in his house in Manhattan they sound - where near is recording equipment video equipment Oh probably own coincidence right probably all coincidence they might get a seventy million dollar townies maker that just happened to have CIA level recording equipment probably coincidence but uh okay so so basically if you are having sex with somebody's underage and there's proof of that you are now owned your own so the reality is you give whatever information that is required of you you do with it you do the bidding of whoever has that information whoever has that tape now Tim oh no Tim being oh yes isn't all bad because some being owned allows you to rise to power because you have the backing of these very powerful owners right because they know you do and in these yes exactly I said why would you let somebody get power and influence if you didn't control them right and I and this has been going on forever by the way this wasn't used the CIA and the Mossad mi6 all these intelligence agencies Defra didn't play near this technique it was pioneered by the mafia right so organized crime has been doing this stuff for a lot longer probably then in the CIA well you know so the reality is a lot of the stuff that intelligence agencies do is borrows from the mob right cuz it's an effective form of blackmail and who wants to be who wants to be exposed and especially when the cost of not being exposed when the cause of not being exposed is quite low hey do you want to be President one day yeah yeah yeah well we'll help you do that here's the other thing so the people are like people that listening might be like well why does the CIA care why does yeah I go on all these trouble to get information is that the other thing here's one of the reasons the CIA is not only an organization that is you know spying on other countries to make sure that they're not trying to do us harm okay the CIA for a very long time has been in in bed with big money major corporations they walk certain political realities okay right and if you're a billionaire you are not going to trust that the Congress or the Senate is going to necessarily do the right thing by you and if they do the wrong thing by you they're going to lose you billions of dollars which is no good so what you do is you try to basically fix the game as much as you can you try to buy all the politicians you can by donating to their campaign and when that fails organizations like the CIA uh help you control those people to the degree that they can it's been going on for a very long time and and that is why you have the Central Intelligence Agency or the Mossad or mi6 or or French intelligence whoever these people are they are doing the bidding of very wealthy powerful people and that is why uh they're they're basically allowing some of this really heinous behavior to go on like the abuse of underage women and so so my my understanding and maybe this is a conspiracy theory but do you guys remember when those pictures of Mike Pence when he was younger in a gay bar popped up no I heard something about that I didn't heat up but and people were like I was photoshopped it was photoshopped or whatever now regardless if it's photoshopped or not there's a perfect example when you're sitting there you're like how the [ __ ] does a guy like Mike Pence end up becoming vice president of the United States of America well I'll tell you right oh you did you show the picture yeah so so it's like I'll tell you how he gets that it's do you have this you have this wildcard Trump that's running for president so you need somebody close that can kind of have some you can have some doorway to trump and some well Mike Pence ever had no [ __ ] six-pack like that had a body like that bro he bikes bro was on the bike yeah I mean you look at if you is if you look at Bill Clinton who is the governor Arkansas and net became depressed you're like Arkansas has a stake with what four million people like oh good so you know so there's a perfect example right Tim I was talking to my buddy right the first that when you talk to people who do not believe in conspiracies at all the first thing they'll say about this epstein thing is the bank why would a billionaire or why would a super successful person a billionaire etc go to this island and not assume that they were gonna be honeypotted or trapped right and well I think that and basically what I thought of is they're not Epps eating them are not trapping the elite they're trapping love when they are can we listen Dulli traps did the elite know it's never gonna come out here's if say you at least know that they're potentially being trapped but it's mutually assured destruction meaning that everybody including Epstein is is trapped everybody has information that you get released no so what happened nobody gets released right what would I know what I'm saying what I'm saying with a guy like with a guy like for example Clinton and that kind of [ __ ] Clinton is going there before he's the president right no he's going next president no no no no no listen they are all these guys are people I get the kind of information on Trump like it is very possible Trump there's some information that somebody has that felt like it listen all of these guys but here's the deal the information ever comes out as long as everybody plays along why because they run the world yes we have seems that does it not it's like there is no justice there is no day in court there is no come up and none of it like so yeah these people know by the way some of them don't know that they're being it but they're not it probably aren't shocked to know that there's recording videos of the things they've done but they know as long as they keep doing what they're doing that information is never going through it so if you're somebody who's gonna [ __ ] an underage kid right you're going to expect that that's gonna come with some hazards right if you engage in any type of risky behavior there are workplace hazards if you do drugs you could OD if you drive fast - if you [ __ ] kids on an island you know somebody might find out you're doing it and hold it over your head but you want to [ __ ] the kids you want to do the drugs you want to drive the Ferrari successful people a lot of them have very deviant sexual appetites and frolicked impulsive they might be like yeah I shouldn't [ __ ] this kid because I'm probably gonna regret it but yes there they act on impulse he's deeper on the spectrum of sociopaths in many cases and and what happens does it ever come out I really look how close it got this guy was in a maximum-security prison in lower Manhattan a few weeks away from his trial or months away from his trial and he was on suicide watch it took him on suicide watch they move a few hours before he died they move his roommate out and they either allow him to commit suicide or kill him either one doesn't really matter but guess what there is no [ __ ] testimony nobody's gettin nobody's getting anything so what happened so what happens what what do you think happens next um you know I hate to be cynical but be cynical you know football starts we all start to lose interest the ball comes around you know I mean no one's gonna care Jeffrey Epstein was the only person named in the indictment they're not gonna indict you slain Maxwell she's a British citizen she's intelligent I mean you gotta remember this is not the first time FC was arrested right he was arrested for molesting a fourteen-year-old it was covered up Alexander Acosta who was his secretary of labor under Trump who just stepped down arranged a plea deal for Epstein where Epstein serves like basically a year in a minimum-security prison in Florida and was allowed to go home five days a week and you know probably look at child porn or whatever is he could go home to work quote-unquote work five days a week this was a deal he got and he didn't have to inform on any of his co-conspirators and they just but then people at the Miami Herald certain reporters they started kicking up interest in the story some of the victims were like listen we were never informed of this agreement we never would have went along with it so he was reading and then he was you know he could have informed on very powerful people we're talking about prime ministers of country X presidents billionaires these people can get any and when they killed him or allowed it to kill himself what they're really sending the message they're saying this we will never ever ever allow this information to get out and and here's why because if you realize that there's elements of the government that are depraved enough to allow the abuse of children to continue so that they can get information then every single conspiracy theory immediately comes believable then you look at 9/11 then you look at everything could you go if they're gonna let us [ __ ] kids on an island what aren't they willing to do Wow Wow it's so it's bigger than just this it's bigger than it is it is the key that will unlock everything and it will make people question everything and then everyone will go wait a minute if they're willing to do that there's nothing they're not willing to do we're all being lied to you want a daily basis all the [ __ ] time why are we at war in five seven countries you know let's let's investigate all of these things Boston bombing not like who are these people and and who is running us who's fooling us and and they don't want that to happen so in order me that not to happen in stack bodies they got a stack box the illusion of democracy and freedom goes away if this comes out I think this is the biggest deal of anything coming out because it's the most heinous thing you can imagine you do for children to most people even cynical people even people to think politicians talk and they're all bought but the systemic by the way not random the systemic abused of children torture of children so that's what you're doing when you make somebody have sex over and over with somebody they want to the fact that anyone would go the defected people that were presidents in fact the people who were prime ministers would participate in that or even at the very best I mean the very best case know what's happening and do nothing uh that would shake us to the core do you think the Cabana Bill Clinton [ __ ] those girls I mean do you I think Bill Clinton is asking for ID probably not and do it so I think that Bill Clinton I mean it's incredibly accused of rape he's a sexual deviant I mean this is a guy that his entire career has been you know sidelined by complaints from women that he harassed them and you got to remember the Clintons tried to destroy these women that I told you know authorities about bill told the press about Bill Kathleen Willey Jennifer's flat like the Clintons had an organized dedicated campaign to destroy the lives of these women so that they were turned into national mockery they could never work again I mean these are not people that have any problem with destroying people do you get in their way you think the Clintons got some bodies yeah but I don't think it's a cleanse I think the Clintons work for people the Clintons are function as the pushers are [ __ ] sure this is what really [ __ ] people up that are into conspiracy if you don't really get their the cleanse in the bushes are the servants there's a public space the real people behind them billionaire families the problems got people that know but with DuPont's people that no one's ever [ __ ] had barely heard of these are the people that pull the major strings they decide it's the bushes and the Clintons have the resources to run in these races these are the people that are really calling the shots and the bill and Hillary's you know George Bush and George HW Bush these are people that are they're wealthy but they're not nearly as well if you gotta remember the Borchers are not as old money as some of the other families that they represent the bushes started making money in the early nineteen hundred's we're talking about people that have been wealthy for centuries and century high their money is there a reason we don't hear they do ponds on the world's wealthiest list or whatever we hear Bill Gates we hear Jeff Bezos you would think they would be the one well in crazy strings there's a lot of his money out there there's a lot of I guess I'm at Emily to feed in your conspiracy theory are they basically hiding their money because they don't want that publicity and saying like look I don't want to be one of the richest people I don't want know what is there I think you could find them I think you could find them on a lot of those lists I think there's a lot of intermarriage so names might have been changed but I mean when you talk about conspiracies here is none of that conspiratorial yeah idea that like they choose who ones the country is not really a conspiracy I mean go look at the donor lists of any of the major candidates who ever become president there they're all there I mean so really reliable who did Obama work for everyone I mean every single family I mentioned I mean Barack Obama was you know you know a great friend to Wall Street a great friend to the military-industrial complex we're in seven wars we knocked over Libya we were in Syria you know Obama was you know torturing Chelsea man and use prosecuting whistleblowers he had the CIA running an illegal drone war you know dropping [ __ ] bombs on a cos his family really I mean a conscious cousin is playing soccer and he looked at the sky he's a flying death machine you know but no one cares because Obama went on Allen and dance they're actually my family's enemies just so you know I just want to point of clarification that's it I mean that's you're all the same to me but I there's only so much I can understand he believes in conspiracy but not Indian and Pakistani difference yeah I don't believe it I don't believe in differences and brown [Laughter] bro it's just so crazy so you think nothing ends up happening we all forget about it and the world goes back to rump being run as it is dude I gotta be honest I'm already tired of talking about man well here's the thing you start to realize people that get into conspiracies in the beginning think it's like a hit show that has a series finale and that series finale is gonna have all the things they want to have I asked for really bad so it's lost but what it really is it's they think it's lost here's what it really is it's a soap opera that goes on for 20 years and you aged out of watching Yvonne you don't care no good you just don't you know my grandmother used to watch General Hospital every single day and then eventually she was like oh it's the same storyline over and over to Luke you gotta realize this the news is on Luke right now I'm never going to see a movie and before the movie although the ads play and then they're on a loop you know you get back to the first ad and then that's the news right now it's like school shooting celebrity does something culturally insensitive Trump says something racist shooting in Walmart back to a celebrity back to some picture of horrible eyes potentially the news for the last 24 months it's been one big group yeah even if we did find out what could we actually do that's my question that's what I don't care that's so if we're gonna do any but the people that designed this system man God they just like the guys James and Alton super spy when they started the CIA as he was on his deathbed Angleton have been in the rooms were Alec dollars all the guys in it started to you know she I ain't a security state and angleton had a great quote he said listen if you were in that room when we started this thing he goes you would be in a room with people you were surely convinced would end up in hell and then he took a drink of whiskey and he goes and now I'm gonna join them there shortly hmm they know they know what they've what they've been a party to what are your thoughts on Kissinger I'm you know having Kissinger war criminal he's somebody who's you know I mean you know Kissinger Vietnam I mean kids Cambodia I mean Kissinger is just very well-connected you know master the universe type of guy who you know has really no problem with with genocide is he the architect of the modern world I think Allen Dulles is the architect of the modern world if I had to put it off one guy I'd say Allen Dulles really Allen Dulles yeah Allen Dulles was a guy who made the CIA and I usually don't subscribe to the what they call the great man theory of history meaning we put it all on what guy right but I would say that Allen Dulles was an incredibly effective operator he was the first head of the Central Intelligence Agency he determined what that agency was going to be he determined the power and the scope of it and Eisenhower warned I never warned about the military-industrial complex I'd never worked at the CIA you know we just had World War two you just fought Nazis Eisenhower was like we should have be doing this Kennedy warned about it in that big secret society speech Kennedy ended up dead and Allen Dulles to me is a guy that really designed that agency to be a secret government not only just a spy agency but an effective double government operating against the interests and the will of the American people and it's been doing that for very long time against the will because it feeds the billionaire's basically it helps the billionaire's yeah I mean I don't think anybody has an interest in a lot of what they do I mean this is to help a very small segment of the population that own defense conscript you know defense contractors are arms dealers the average pole sitter doesn't want to be at war in Afghanistan or doesn't benefit no yet anyway the average person gets on a plane that ends up being flown into a building you know the average person is a victim of these crimes to aniket right right I mean the iron we got a damn afford health care can't put their kids through school because we've you know waves all these wars on a credit card and we've saddled the average person with an insane amount of debt but very wealthy well-connected people are doing great how do we how do we stop it bro how do we fight the system Tim I mean so this is what a little bleak we're both shadows what again what do we what are we gonna do if we can't pilot explore page so bright eyes make a shot a bad way so this podcast comes out will be you know there here's a reality the only thing that would stop this I truly believe and it is some type of massive event that wakes people up and then the good people in these agencies like the good people the CIA the FBI because there are good people in those agencies will have to wrest control from the dark forces from the basketball right and I mean that's a question of human nature like what would inspire that man you're talking that's philosophical and that's a hard question to answer but it would have to be some massive shift in consciousness well let's hope this podcast is the catalyst for that Tim I think so I mean I'm confident I think we could change the world Tim I love you thank you so much for taking time and thank you give us your socials give us everything one more time so they could go follow up Kim Jade Ewen D Aiello and on Instagram atwitter Tim Dylan show on youtube if you want to subscribe also an apple podcast where everywhere wherever you get your podcast we're out every week full force it's a very funny show and every now and then we talk about you know conspiracies go check out Tim's Instagram he's got some hilarious videos that he does these are ants I mean right when the Jeff Epstein thing first hit tim dressed up as a schoolgirl and twerked outside of jeffery Epstein's manhattan mansion i don't know how you didn't get a rest that [ __ ] and here's the deal that's probably why he killed himself all right buddy I love my man everybody pees while [ __ ] it's wild he's wild I don't I don't get too invested is like I said I don't part of me doesn't want to believe because even if it's true what can we do um I think that you have a good perspective on that in that regard cuz it's like it's like scary to admit that sometimes but if like the problem is so massive and there's nothing that you can do about it does it really help to just worry about it yeah and I think the idea that like your vote matters that's like real cute but like it don't so why invest like my girl cares about politics she [ __ ] cares I'm like yo this makes no difference these are sociopaths right they're gonna do what they want right I don't know that I get nearly as deep down the rabbit hole some people but like yeah there's that me some ill [ __ ] going on and you not gonna stop it right turn off CNN put on SportsCenter it's fun it is fun at least I enjoyed the distraction yeah give yourself some joy some offensive jokes yes yes I did I barely knew anything about Epstein anything yeah and even little [ __ ] he was saying I was writing down I was gonna read it and then as I was writing I was like what's the end of me learning about Allen Dulles yeah i'ma become like [ __ ] Tim torturing myself I'm not happy you can't even button his polos yeah man it is yeah that's interesting him saying that you just kind of grow out of the conspiracy now as well [ __ ] great way to put it yeah soap-opera it is that it's like and maybe it is it's just a thing that people are bored they need something to distract themselves with and it's like okay I'll do this conspiracy theory and then you know maybe when your career starts to you know pop off maybe you know Tim's killing it right now maybe he's gonna start leaving the conspiracy he's another Rogen bump guy right yeah dude Rogen he did Rogen and just [ __ ] so [ __ ] funny - mm yeah dude he's great he's [ __ ] great but um all right listen we've gone a long time without even discussing sports guys what are we at timewise because we start almost two oh that's it no see how those are very different tell you those you gave me a 30 handed hound obviously window I'm talking in the mic dog you haven't aren't grabbing the mic yet son that's Alex grabbing the mic wow we are being harsh on you you gotta come back or else I'm not it's been a week of it so that missed oh you missed you missed us being here so we got to teach I don't have a snapback I know what's a good what's your go-to technique when it comes to snapping back I don't know I think you got a rapid fire so whatever comes you just go right out of go don't overthink it just go all right you got to not overthink you just go okay we're gonna practice ready it listen you can't lose here it's just not over think just go ready your fat dick in your mouth that's hilarious that out of the two of us I'm the one there's something in their mouth she's starving his ass off proud of you that was good man now we instill some confidence and this Beyonce body all right what else we got on Tonio Brown dog three mcdonough wide receivers are not worth it yeah I put me up on this because I didn't hear so Antonio Brown uses a helmet called the shut err advantage it's over ten years old and there was some rule passed in the league last year that said we have to use helmets that are approved by some committee it's probably a [ __ ] committee but you have to use helmets that are approved by them this helmet is too old to be approved by them it's not gonna meet with their standards they let him play him or Tom Brady maybe both play on outdated models last year this year they have to switch an Antonio Brown now his back track but he was saying I will retire if you don't let me wear this helmet and then he tried to appeal the appeal got denied and then he had a tweet like hey guys it's uh you know I'm gonna be there at camp this is a sad ruling but whatever but it's like yeah we don't even [ __ ] need this man just shut up like are you on your period you're making a big deal about nothing right now yes that is brief so what do you think this is about why do you think he's become such a diva does he feel scorns where is this all the sudden we're seeing this side of Antonio Brown that we never saw in Pittsburg no you saw out in Pittsburgh starting a few years ago once he got really good you started to see it that's the reason he got shipped out of Pittsburgh they gave him up for like a third-round pick and a fifth round pick I thought that you just saw it this last year or two yeah maybe last year or two I think three years ago he got in trouble for [ __ ] LA like Instagram live in the locker room after a win or something like that and it's just like you don't let anybody know our business you don't need to know what I'm saying he got in trouble for that it was always a lot of like a tension seek you fair enough I don't know why though guy got great teeth let those speak for you he does have exceptional [ __ ] incredible and he is an exceptional athlete without a doubt you can say a fifth or sixth round draft pick so he was not - he though he said I think once he got a taste the attention he wanted it and then I don't know if he's a chip on his shoulder guy but like he is a he's not supposed to be this good you know what I mean he wasn't highly touted he's not tall he's not a complete physical freak but like he's an NFL player so he has been out relative to the rest of them right Randy Moss I get so not knowing too much about the story like he he comes across as just like a dumber version of CAP he's like Oh the NFL's trying to make me do something I'm gonna take the stand and he was hoping like people got behind him and he probably just got roasted like why the [ __ ] are you taking his name I don't even know and he's back Jack super quickly I don't know if he thought people would be on his side maybe he did but I mean players can get really attached to their helmet for whatever I mean you're doing some at the highest level like yeah if you're doing a special and they give you a mic without a cord you might be like yo no I want the quote yeah yeah but he definitely changed his helmet when he changed team's same model though yeah he's not talking about he wants to wear the Steelers helmet no no I know that Lucky's helmet they just repainted different helmets dawg they don't trade you and the heaven can you take the microphone from Alex and then just say anything into it this is not Rudy I don't know it fits a certain way it breathes your head breathing certain way who knows that's everybody but like I'm saying to Andrew if they try to hand you a cordless mic at a show you're like wool what the [ __ ] is this I don't like this thing it feels different it's not what I'm used to I don't do what happened in Toronto what happened in Montreal when you went in front of 30 15,000 people a bomb no no no the state knows that this galaxy son this [ __ ] was funny bro I did these these guys name preached and Abba guys who were funny guys from Montreal they did this massive show of jfl 15,000 people outside right I mean it was insane see if people they didn't say that they were gonna be families there this was the funniest moment for me like out there this was the best so I went up and I said I started out with like a joke that was I knew that with that many people it had to be slow and obvious kind of punchline and like time in between couldn't be ranty you know it was just like bump it up so I start out with that joke I used to do about the girls shave their legs or piss whatever must that laugh boom yeah the next joke I go in today Sharon yeah next door got to go into sharing a bevel to do funny joke funny joke but it's just straight cursing and talking about whatever like that apparently families are just walking away with their kids yeah like their kids are there do not bring a child to the comedy show yeah but I think we're supposed to be like a family from our book yeah that's what I said that's what I said that's all y'all you don't know what do y'all know what I do so look at Andrew Dice Clay watch your kids that's it so all I was doing was looking at the band on stage because there was like a [ __ ] 10-piece band as long as they were laughing I was like band was laughing the front end people laugh is 15,000 people you need to be gone straight Barney Mac oh it was someone he told me that people just walking away with their family as well they got their kids [ __ ] covering their ears and walking them away bro I mean I mean out of walk with my kids too but also they soft son I'm so pissed off about this this one thinks so they announced the the ruies versus I can't a Joshua rematch yeah and it's in [ __ ] Saudi Arabia this is Anthony Joshua I've been doing this it's a business move make yourself more international no it's not nobody cares about the Saudi Arabia market this is Saudi Arabia throwing crazy money at Eddie Hearn whoever's promoting the event okay because they've realized after having the WWE that these events in Saudi Arabia normalize Saudi Arabians ah this is all the marketing that what I said that's great all Mart idea right but the shitty thing is it's a really cool fight and anticipated fight who the [ __ ] wants to vacation for a weekend in Saudi Arabia like Muslims don't even want to do that just want to get away from your girl place where she's not welcome son they don't go to Saudi Arabia they will Dubai you're thinking knock so here's the difference right this think about how awful this fights gonna be let's say you do want to go guess what's not gonna be allowed to be served at the fight guess where you're not gonna find anywhere you're not gonna party ain't no partying ain't nothing in Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia is wack but they put their loyal fact their oil whatever it is business on the public market so now they have to appease the public they have to seem like good guys that's why they started letting these [ __ ] Drive that's why they're trying to act like they they're cool with women that's why they got movie theaters also and they just got movie theaters they just got movie theaters hmm so now they're doing these public events it is all a hustle to make it look like cool and fun Saudi Arabia's right we're just like you invest in our oil business but now we lose as [ __ ] viewers like that's a fight I would want to go to if that was in Vegas I'm there I'm there if that's in Vegas can you say you thought it's gonna be Tijuana or I was talking through this style us there Bobby thought is gonna be a not close fight you thought Ruiz is gonna handle I think he's gonna handle now here's the other thing anything goes in Saudi Arabia whoever's promoting that fight which is probably Joshua's people are paying off those judges and if it goes to the car you know rules out there yeah these [ __ ] dry you think the judges are gonna be honorable no it depends on the fight who takes the rules I thought that Nevada they say that but if I'm the people the promoter gets chooses the judges you got a baby bladder yeah go go go I could tell what is seats waddling so that's what I'm saying it's like on some level you gotta be pissed as a fan because you can't even take part in this [ __ ] fight how much definite Saudi Arabia from Dubai dough like I think all that okay Dubai is fake Dubai is a fake Muslim country in a lot of ways so what they've done is created rules about the city because they want tourism and they recognize anybody want to go on vacation where they can't drink so what they go is you can drink if you're in a hotel cuz that's international property so all the party in all the [ __ ] pops off on the telly right and they have these nice extravagant hotels on some you know Vegas type [ __ ] I haven't been there but I'm assuming that they have you know bars restaurants whatever so you enjoy the [ __ ] out of your time you could be Western you out there trying to get [ __ ] but they still make the women cover up their women if you not set if you're not Emirati that's in the Emirates you if you're not a Marathi you don't go to sauna Instagram that [ __ ] can't wait to put on the [ __ ] the headscarf when they go over there yeah to show you they there yeah but I thought that cuz they're forced to show you you gotta cover up if you don't want you can if you want to like respect their [ __ ] but it's not necessary Arabia wrap it up [ __ ] wrap it up are they sending are they like paying for Instagram thoughts in Saudi Arabia no they leave Saudi Arabia to [ __ ] the girls in Beverly Hills and do that kind of [ __ ] it's those Saudi princes that are the ones they they get a [ __ ] on a glass table they got all these thoughts meeting them in Dubai this other kind of stuff with you guys doing in London with like the golden yes they leave Saudi they go to London floss all the [ __ ] in London just [ __ ] all over them [ __ ] on and then in England they let them do it I would cut that [ __ ] out oh no you could come don't come in a [ __ ] gold Bugatti and just drive around like we ain't [ __ ] they sold them all they're like most valuable property and stuff like that [ __ ] taps into my inner negative hey let me tell you we go let that shop in New York don't come to New York with a [ __ ] purple Bentley or your [ __ ] gold Ferrari and actly you gonna drive around the street just stunt something happening something I'm gonna put some plantains say what they do come here yeah when I was out in the club scene you'd have though they'd come to the clubs there flossing the clothes you record that but you're not gonna stunt on the street on the street like hey chill out fam it's like the club people pay to get in goddamn goblins NASA zombies like I saw the funniest [ __ ] son you know how there's this like big thing going on in Hong Kong there's like some controversy or some [ __ ] like they they don't like what China's doing so they've been doing all these protests for like a minute right and there was a protest somebody post a video on Twitter today and it was a few Chinese people they cover their face so they don't do the Chinese government can't do the facial recognition surgery but a few people from Hong Kong right they got the American flags wrapped around them and they got microphones and they're singing our National Anthem right ok trying to like show like yo we want democracy like America right and I press play video what so proudly we probably we hear at the twilight's last we ring I am crying laughing at them fighting for their life son I was crying this is it son is that a way to play it no don't don't do it from here do it from Twitter be well did we get marked if we do it from Twitter it's worth it bro go to Twitter go to Twitter and you play the audio find the [ __ ] on Twitter let me talk over it and then we talk over it a little bit but find the [ __ ] audio Akash [Music] [Music] [Music] [Laughter] even watching Whitney second ball handy your business I'm tired when we got wars and [ __ ] [ __ ] be like oh now we're busy making toys you know whatever the [ __ ] they do someone North Faces together and [ __ ] and then when you need a little [ __ ] help you start singing national anthem throwing a flag around your shoulders freshly stitched flag from your niece you know how hard you think we had to work on the elves and ours my man kind of killed that I think he might be a ringer right he said gallantly well son he said ramparts I could barely say that when the ramparts sent out a rampart is breath do I really was a rampart I don't know what a lot of them words mean to be honest what's the Don de Leon or Dante is that's the mission of the light I thought dr. Lee plays for the Giants hey Don disease yeah yeah hey hey vias Don early he play for the Giants what are you hooking up at it stop looking [ __ ] up nobody more distracted you [ __ ] [ __ ] up looking for Groupons for Burger King the [ __ ] national anthem lyrics hold on not listening to the air get out of here bro bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was still there oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave or the land of the free and the home of the bright sun and she goes wrong yo yo you know you know al you the best singer let that rip let that rip out let's see yeah oh say can you see by the dawn's early what's so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous on the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming we can the Rockets red glare bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was still there oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave or the land of the free ray holidays on a flagrant two patreon this week we gonna watch Eddie Murphy's latest no face y'all are bad for that man we were drunk we tried our best row we're trying to give you all the content we did try our best we know that y'all hated it that's our bend we gonna make it up to you know this this Friday we want to stand and deliver we promise well our bad man we really tried our [Laughter] people don't realize the amount of content we had to put out that week so that I could go away on vacation man it was stressful man but we tried our [ __ ] best man we love y'all patreon everybody get on board the archives anything else before we out of here what you told hum wmba fight Kevin Durant let the warriors off the hook dag apparently wants 40 million a year dream on extension and then nobody wants to play for Team USA these are the things that I had man I think we might have to Bethany on I think we might have to continue on a patreon and just lock this down yo if y'all got the New York Times go check it out they mentioned your boy in an article by the way oh yeah yo man it was pretty cool man I'll just throw it out there real quick but it was pretty cool man it was an article they're talking about you know his Netflix the future of a stand and you know the the headline in the article I'll read the headline the article real quick and oh [ __ ] it goes can Netflix the kinetics comma the king of stand-up specials be dethroned and then go back up go back up go back up and they says the byline is Amazon is trying starting with a new Jim Gaffigan set so is HBO though it's more niche with acts like Julio Torres and don't count out YouTube if you go to the end of the article gonna show that full article um keep going keep going keep going they got the link from view to views from assists go uh Rogen's huh it says the Savi comic Andrew Schultz has built up a fan base outside the traditional media by pitting himself against and putting himself in opposition to a politically correct entertainment shout-out to the flagrancy shout out to Flaherty but also dispensing with old hour-long show and releasing his content a multitude of bite-size forms pairing on the Joe Rogan podcast he predicted Netflix's downfall pointing out that the streamer doesn't own many of its most popular shows like the office of friends Rogan seemed skeptical but shows the suggestion that the future might not be bright for the zeitgeist defining company has moved from the margins and become common speculation among industry types last month when Netflix tweeted it was sorry that friends would leave it service in 2020 the Conakry tweeted with a pointing message tick tock hmm now what I loved about this was two things one obviously it's cool to show your parents that you're in the New York Times especially as a New Yorker right that's the epitome of me anyway first thing I did because this is what we did right this is the this other thing I thought was so [ __ ] cool right everybody listen this has been supportive of what we've been doing you should feel good about this the way in which were mentioned in the article right the article talks about what Amazon is doing with Jim Gaffigan what HBO is doing with Julio Torres and what Andrew Schultz is doing with bite size content so we're not spoken about as just comics we're spoken about as the HBO in the Amazon that's the subtle [ __ ] that to me I was so proud of it's like look what is HBO doing they're doing this type of special what is Amazon doing they're trying to reach him Gaffigan what is Andrew Schultz doing he's using social media YouTube this that the other to get the content and I just thought that was so [ __ ] cool and I think it's really subtle and I doubt most people got but I think something Alex you and I should be so proud of everybody's [ __ ] sigh it's just like and they didn't contact me to write the article they just put out that I found out about my agent hit me Wow so it was one of those things and I think people try to like pit me against Netflix cuz I predicted this this like down thing with them in like here's the thing I don't have any stake in any like I put my content on Instagram I put my content on Twitter I put my content on YouTube I'll put my content on Netflix there's no enemies in this you put it out because they weren't [ __ ] with you but that ended up being good for you so why would you begrudge them do you like to be petty like that's what who does that like that's what children do you know I mean there's nothing about that you know so for me it's just where the eyeballs who's watching and I want to put my content out because I believe if they see the content they're gonna come [ __ ] with us but it is so [ __ ] cool that you weren't opposed to that you're opposed to PC culture extent comedy and that's what you're an opposition that's a great way of saying it exactly that's what we've been doing the whole time we love real comedy and we're gonna put out real comedy and I think that we've affected the game enough where comics are feeling more safe putting out real comedy yeah I truly believe that that was our effect on the ecosystem and so so now we're in this [ __ ] position which i think is so sick we're like we get mentioned in an article like that like we get mentioned in what are the new things happening in comedy what does HBO doing what is Amazon doing what are we doing like how [ __ ] sick is that yeah like it's just so [ __ ] cool man like even if he's two of us three of us right like I mean shout to Marc Marquez involved now you know so it's like we're being put up against these companies and it was like and I was telling you guys this earlier but like I even you know I spoke to YouTube and I was even like yo Netflix Amazon HBO spent millions of dollars I'll cost corrected me he goes Netflix has hundreds of millions of dollars to be mentioned in that conversation to be mentioned and known as legitimate places for stand-up specials and I had and I spoke to my people YouTube and I was like yeah and I'll let y'all know you spent whatever it cost to host my videos to be mentioned alongside these companies that's the greatest bargain in history hmm that's the great at Luton I legitimize your platform for standup we're doing great [ __ ] work if there isn't I don't know another David versus Goliath story out there but we're talking about a few of us going up against the biggest billion-dollar companies we're just going up against billion-dollar companies and then we're starting to be mentioned in the same breath and not only that these companies when Netflix as a special come out where do they put their videos out to promote the special just crazy anyway so I think it's something that everyone listening you know you guys should be proud of because remember our when is your win because without you guys sharing these videos and watching these videos they don't even [ __ ] exist out there so this is this is just crazy you know I mean like I mean look it's there's a video like alex is hype right now but like your thumbnail is in the New York Times like this is crazy like anyway we're very proud y'all should be [ __ ] proud because we're doing things it I don't think anybody in this business could conceive happening like it's just [ __ ] nuts and I can't wait to the next step i we're very close to announcing the next step where i'm very excited to share with you guys but we're about to change the game once again so i think in the next few weeks we'll be able to give you guys details maybe show you guys some pictures of what's about to happen and i'm very excited about it very excited about akash anything else well no no just anything we don't want to talk about no it goes bash FaceTime audio and me [ __ ] leave me alone dog my badge burns very helpful [ __ ] actually shouts a bad shell so the patrons all that stories we're good tours kicking off soon I got a show this Thursday will do will do a dates with ads okay so that's perfect anything else yeah I think that's good man guys that's been another episode of flagrant - no this is no easy buckets I'm Andrew Schultz do you mean I'll do this with one of the greatest comedians working today arkasha absolutely brilliant comedic mind and now you guys are able to you know to indulge in your main first clip out there does 200,000 [ __ ] views right off the jump yeah I mean that's that's big off the jump I mean that's serious work right there so make sure you look out for him don't be the [ __ ] this late get in there early get on those tickets those tickets are available that tours up right now you know don't say we didn't tell you so from the beginning all right guys we love you we miss you man love you we miss you we got your back you know the [ __ ] arm you got your back whatever you need you know we're here for you man so make sure you go so Cass some love make sure you go show him some love right now man all right man we'll see y'all Friday for for patreon and then we'll see on their craft you you

Channel: The Andrew Schulz

Views: 223,904

Keywords: andrew schulz, andrew schultz, comedy, comedian, stand up, brilliant idiots, flagrant 2, sports, entertainment, pop culture, commentary, comedy club, near me, jokes, charlamagne, charlemange, breakfast club, interviews

Id: K_SbSrcb0Zg

Length: 157min 42sec (9462 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 14 2019