Iyanla Defends a Man Against His Mother | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network

I have only known this young man 24 hours, and there's no way in the world, just reading his face, that I know he's going to allow a man to abuse a woman in his presence. She doesn't think about me that way. She doesn't. Well-- Because I done saw him playing basketball and going on dates together-- So what? Mind your business. You say that you don't see the man that your son is, so I'm asking you. Since this is not a demonstration of a man, you need to tell me what man you're using to measure him with. Which one? My idea. Which is your idea. Mm-hmm. Now is that the idea you trained him up to be? No. Oh. So how in the blazing bejeezus are you holding him accountable to a standard that you didn't teach him, his father didn't give him? He don't even know what it is, and yet as his mother, you sit in his face and tell him you don't respect him as a man. Tell me how that works. Help me. Like I said, it's an-- it was events. It wasn't just-- I'm not talking-- I'm talking about-- And it's also how he treats me. Yeah, but-- He doesn't respect me as a mom-- Hello, hello, hello, hello. You see, you are a provocative victim. You provoke stuff, and then when you start being held accountable for it, then you start twisting and turning and making the other person wrong. Look at me, Ma. Look at me. Look at me. You just sat here and told your son who ain't got a needle in his arm, who I'm assuming pays his own rent-- he's married to a registered nurse. He's got three baby boys. And you just sat here in his face and said, I don't respect him as a man. Mm-hmm. And you don't think to consider what that does to his heart, to his soul, to his spirit. I'm sure that's hurtful. And you OK with that? And it's hurtful for the things that he says to me. There you go. You're doing it. You're doing it right now. You're doing it right now. I'm holding you accountable, and you spinning. You spinning your web. - You're trying to get away. I can't say nothing when it come to Justin. You're trying to get away. Tell me-- just here's the question. Just answer that. We'll get back to that other stuff later. - I-- - Tell me. Forgive me. I respect him. He's a wonderful man. Do you understand that your mouth, your voice, your words, are connected to the coils in his heart, to the valves in his heart? He can't help but love you. And every time you dishonor that love, you chip a piece of him, chip a piece of him. This is why in our culture as Black people, when the boys turn a certain age, the men come and get them and take them away from the mother. Because she can emotionally manipulate him. But since we don't live in our culture no more, we say what we want to say, do what we want to say. We tear our men down and then wonder why they don't make good husbands and fathers. Mothers destroy sons. His mother can speak to him in certain ways that destroy him in ways that can never be repaired. Um--

Channel: OWN

Views: 480,122

Rating: 4.9578738 out of 5

Keywords: Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Network YouTube, Oprah Where Are They Now, Where Are They Now Oprah, Iyanla Fix My Life, full episodes, Super Soul Sunday, Oprah Winfrey Show, The Haves and The Have Nots, Have and Have Nots, If Loving You Is Wrong, Iyanla Vanzant, Livin Lozada, Oprah Life Class, how-to, season, episode, #fixmylife, iyanla fix my life, iyanla vanzant, iyanla vanzant fix my life full episodes, karrueche tran, fix my life

Id: n-XIIVextiY

Length: 3min 45sec (225 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 13 2020