IT'S DAY 2 HERE AT THE HOUSE OF HEALING FOR A FAMILY DISCONNECTED BY TIME AND EXPERIENCE AND WOUNDS. BUT TODAY, THE WORK REALLY STARTS. IN ORDER TO RELATE TO SOMEONE OR TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE, THERE ARE TWO IMPORTANT ELEMENTS -- YOU'VE GOT TO TELL THE TRUTH, AND YOU'VE GOT TO TRUST. AND FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN, NEITHER ONE OF THOSE ARE HAPPENING WITHIN THIS FAMILY. I AM IYANLA VANZANT, AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK. SIT RIGHT HERE FOR ME, MAMA. LAST NIGHT, I URGED MISS ALICIA TO SHARE SOME LONG-HELD FAMILY SECRETS WITH HER ELDEST DAUGHTER, SHAY. SHE LIVED IN THE ESSENCE OF YOUR HEARTBEAT. THAT'S WHY SHE NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR STORY, AS A WOMAN, SO SHE CAN UNDERSTAND WHO THE HELL SHE IS. DON'T LEAVE NOTHING OUT! TELL HER. SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. OOH, LORD, WE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO. IT'S IMPORTANT FOR MISS ALICIA TO RECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND THAT SHE MUST BE OPEN AND HONEST WITH HER ADULT DAUGHTERS SO THAT THIS FAMILY CAN BEGIN TO HEAL. -ALICIA... -YES? ...I'M THINKING OF SHAY, WHO IS IN A BAD PLACE TODAY. SHE WOKE UP LIKE THAT THIS MORNING. BUT SHE'S 7. -HMM? -SHE'S 7. -WHY IS SHE 7? -MOST OF YOUR -- IN HER MIND AND IN HER EMOTIONAL SELF, NONE OF YOUR KIDS HAVE PROGRESSED BEYOND 7, AND I REALLY NEED YOU TO GET THAT AND UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE I THINK THAT, SOMETIMES, YOU SPEAK TO THEM OR EXPECT THEM TO RESPOND AS ADULTS. BUT, ALICIA, WHEN IT COMES TO YOU, THEY'RE LITTLE GIRLS. -HMM. SO I NEED YOU TO THINK BACK AND TELL ME, WHAT WAS GOING ON FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE 7? I MOVED FROM MY GRANDPARENTS WITH MY DAD AND HIS NEW WIFE. AND WHAT WAS THAT LIKE FOR YOU? -TO ME, IT WAS A... -NERVOUS? -...JOYOUS MOMENT. -OKAY. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH MY DAD AND MY BROTHER AND I... BUT, YEAH. "BUT I'M ALSO LEAVING MY..." -GRANDPARENTS. -MM-HMM. WHICH, I WAS HAPPY, BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE I WAS BEING MOLESTED AND BEING MISTREATED. -BEING MOLESTED? -YEAH. WOW. Iyanla: THIS IS A NEW REVELATION. YESTERDAY, MISS ALICIA TOLD ME ABOUT BEING MOLESTED BY A DIFFERENT FAMILY MEMBER WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER. THE EARLIER TRAUMA THAT SHE'S SPEAKING OF NOW EXPOSES YET ANOTHER LAYER OF HER PAIN. WHEN YOU SAY YOUR [BLEEP] MOLESTED YOU... -MM-HMM. -...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT WAS -- IT WAS BAD. HE USED TO WAIT FOR ME. I WAS IN THIRD GRADE. HE USED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF SCHOOL AND JUST -- JUST... WAIT FOR ME. JUST -- WAIT FOR YOU WHERE? HONESTLY, DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS? 'CAUSE I, TO BE HONEST, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. THAT'S SOMETHING IN MY LIFE THAT, YOU KNOW, I'VE OVERCAME. I'VE... NO, YOU HAVEN'T. I'M NOT SAYING, BUT I'VE HONESTLY... -NO, YOU HAVEN'T. -I DON'T... -NO, YOU HAVEN'T. -THE ONLY TIME I... -NO, YOU HAVEN'T. -I -- SERIOUSLY, I... -NO, YOU HAVEN'T. -I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT, MISS ALICIA. -YOU LIVE IT. -I DIDN'T COME HERE, I MEAN, TO BE HEALED FROM WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS IN THE THIRD GRADE. BUT THAT'S WHAT YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE LIVING NOW. THEY'RE LIVING WHAT? WHAT YOU DIDN'T HEAL, BELOVED, WHAT YOU DIDN'T HEAL. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE LIVING. NARROW-MINDEDNESS... -NO, IT'S NOT BEING... -...SHOWING UP RIGHT NOW. IT'S NOT BEING NARROW-MINDED AS FAR AS THAT. WHY WOULD I SAY THAT TO YOU? WHY DO YOU THINK THAT I WOULD BRING YOU OUT THERE AND YOUR SIX CHILDREN TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU THAT I DON'T KNOW TO BE ESSENTIAL TO YOUR HEALING PATH? WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD SAY THAT TO YOU? -BECAUSE YOU KNOW. -IT'S EVIDENT. I THINK ONE OF THE MAJOR BREAKDOWNS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE THE UNHEALED PLACES IN YOU. -THEN. -NOW! WHERE THEY DON'T FEEL YOU. THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU. THEY THINK YOU DON'T LOVE THEM. YOU GOT SIX OF 'EM IN THERE COMPETING FOR YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR AFFECTION, AND YOU CAN'T GIVE IT TO THEM BECAUSE YOU SHUT YOUR HEART DOWN THE FIRST TIME HE CRAWLED OFF OF YOU. THEY'RE ACTING IT OUT, BABY. I CAN LOOK AT THEM AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU FEEL. I CAN FEEL THE DEPTH OF YOUR WOUNDEDNESS. I CAN FEEL THE BROKENNESS. THERE ARE PIECES OF YOUR SOUL THAT ARE SO BROKEN, I JUST... I COULD WEEP FOR YOU. BUT HOW DO WE HEAL IT? THE ONLY HOPE FOR THIS FAMILY TO MOVE FORWARD AND BECOME HEALTHY BEGINS WITH ALICIA'S WILLINGNESS TO STAND IN THE TRUTH OF HER EXPERIENCE. SHE MUST ACKNOWLEDGE HOW THE TRAUMA OF BEING RAPED AS A TEENAGER HAS HAD DEVASTATING EFFECTS ON HER FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. YOU'RE A TEENAGER NOW. HOW DID [BLEEP] GET TO YOU AT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE? HE USED TO SNEAK IN MY ROOM. DOES YOUR STEPMOM KNOW? THE FAMILY KNOW. THEY KNOW NOW. -THE FAMILY KNOWS ABOUT IT. -MM-HMM. DID ANYBODY STEP UP TO DEFEND YOU? NO, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. YOU THINK MAYBE... THAT'S WHO -- PRECCIOUS IS WITH THAT FAMILY NOW. -NO. -PRECCIOUS IS WITH THAT FAMILY. THAT'S THE FAMILY THAT PRECCIOUS IS WITH. WHY? AND IS [BLEEP] STILL AROUND? MM-HMM. THE ONE THAT VIOLATED YOU? AND YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER GO THERE? OH, MISS ALICIA, TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT. [ SIGHS HEAVILY ] CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? WHEN DID THE MOMENT COME FOR YOU WHEN YOU SAID, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOTHER?" WHEN DID THAT MOMENT COME? WITH PRECCIOUS AND BIANCA. YEAH. -"I JUST DON'T WANT..." -I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A MOTHER. YEAH. YEAH. DID YOU WANT THE CHILDREN? -[ SNIFFLES ] NO. -YEAH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE MOMENT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S THE MOMENT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S OKAY. I KNOW THE FEELING. [ INHALES DEEPLY ] [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] IT'S A LOT. LIKE ALICIA, MANY WOMEN WHO HAVE FACED SEXUAL ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF A FAMILY MEMBER REMAIN SILENT. BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR MISS ALICIA TO BE HONEST WITH HER CHILDREN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED SO THAT SHE AND THEY CAN BEGIN TO HEAL. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I THINK IS SO, SO VERY IMPORTANT, AND I THINK, AS MOTHERS, WE OFTEN FORGET THIS, HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR OUR CHILDREN TO KNOW WHO WE ARE AS WOMEN. -MM-HMM. -YOU KNOW? 'CAUSE I REMEMBER THE DAY THAT I TOLD MY DAUGHTERS, "BEFORE I WAS YOUR MOTHER, "I WAS A BROKEN LITTLE GIRL WITH NOBODY TO TALK TO. "AND I GREW UP, BUT SHE DIDN'T. "AND THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT'S STILL A BROKEN LITTLE GIRL, "AND, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT'S WHAT I PASSED ON TO YOU, SO HERE'S WHAT I NEED YOU TO KNOW." I MEAN, I SAID IT TO THEM, BUT I'VE NOT HAD THEM ALL IN ONE ROOM AND SAY, "LOOK, THIS IS MY TESTIMONY. THIS IS WHAT..." THEY DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. -THEY DON'T. -I THINK YOUR PREGNANCIES WERE SAD OR SHAMEFUL OR DIFFICULT. -WELL, I WAS LOST. YEAH. YEAH. -YEAH. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE LIVING, MOMMY. AND THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND IT. DOES SHAY KNOW THAT [BLEEP] RAPED YOU? NO. AND SHAY IS CLOSE WITH THIS PERSON? MM-HMM. AND THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU. -NO. -WELL, THEN... YEAH, NO, IT'S NOT OKAY. YOU RAISED YOUR DAUGHTER ON A LIE. AND ISN'T IT INTERESTING THAT YOU AND SHAY HAVE A HUGE BREAKDOWN? SHE THINKS YOU HATE HER. SHE THINKS YOU'RE JEALOUS OF HER. THAT -- NO. NO. MNH-MNH. I'M NOT BUYING THAT ONE. I THINK THAT'S JUST A CONVERSATION TO SAY, YOU KNOW, HATEFUL THINGS. "I THINK MY MOTHER IS JEALOUS OF ME." YOU MEAN, MOMMY WHO'S LIED TO HER ABOUT HER WHOLE LIFE? -YES, YES, YES, YES. -YOU EXPECT YOUR DAUGHTER TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC, HONEST RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HAD AN AUTHENTIC, HONEST RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SHAY. -THAT'S FINE. -GOOD. AWARENESS, ACKNOWLEDGMENT IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARD HEALING. I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME. YOU HAVE DONE VERY WELL. A LESSER WOMAN WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT, AND I THINK WE'RE JUST COMING TO THE PLACE NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AND BECAUSE OF THE SUFFERING OF YOUR DAUGHTERS, THAT WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL. MISS ALICIA HAS BEEN HOLDING ON TO HER FAMILY'S SECRETS FOR FAR TOO LONG. NOW THAT SHE HAS AGREED TO HAVE AN OPEN AND HONEST CONVERSATION WITH SHAY, MISS ALICIA IS TAKING AN IMPORTANT STEP IN THIS FAMILY'S HEALING PROCESS. TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR EXPERIENCE, NOT THE FACTS. -SHAY AND MARCIA, IT ALL STARTED WITH ME BEING MOLESTED. [ CRIES ] I DON'T WANNA DO THIS. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IT'S OKAY. BREATHE. COME ON, BREATHE. COME ON, BREATHE. Iyanla: SHAY AND MARCIA CAME INTO THIS HOUSE HARBORING A LOT OF ANGER AND RESENTMENT TOWARDS EACH OTHER. MIND YOUR BUSINESS, YOUNG. LIKE, LITERALLY. -NO, YOU DOING TOO MUCH. -WAIT A SECOND. Iyanla: AND IN ORDER FOR THESE TWO SISTERS TO CONTINUE IN THIS PROCESS, THEY MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THE ROOT OF THEIR BREAKDOWN. -WHY'D I BRING Y'ALL OUT HERE? -YOU MAY BE PICKING. -PICKING? -YES, MA'AM. OKAY, WHAT AM I PICKING? -ME AND MARCIA. -WHY? WE KEEP GETTING INTO IT. -YEAH, WHY? -SHE DO COME OFF AT ME WRONG. TELL HER. YOU TELL HER. IT FEELS LIKE YOU COME OFF AT ME SO HARSH, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT. MOMMY WAS DOING IT FOR SO LONG, AND IT HURTS. WHAT DO MEAN, "MOMMY WAS DOING IT FOR SO LONG?" LIKE, YELLING AT ME ALL THE, YOU KNOW, AS ME COMING UP. SO DID YOU SEE IT AS YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS YELLING AT HER? NO, MARCIA AND MARCALE HAD THE GOOD LIFE, IN MY OPINION. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE'D SAY THAT. -ASK HER. -WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? BECAUSE Y'ALL DIDN'T HAVE THE MOTHER THAT ME AND KISHA GREW UP ON. TELL HER THE MOTHER YOU AND KISHA GREW UP ON. "THE MOTHER WE HAD..." THE MOTHER WE HAD WAS, IN MY OPINION, LOST, TRYING TO FIND HERSELF, AND WAS STRUGGLING WITH ISSUES. -OKAY. -NOW WHAT ISSUES? -DRUG ADDICTION. -OKAY. -DID YOU KNOW THAT? -NO. YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR MOTHER HAD A DRUG ISSUE? NO. WHAT THE... WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I TOLD YOU, AGAIN, THEY WAS SERVED THE GOOD LIFE. WHAT WAS THE GOOD LIFE TO YOU? WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE? "IT LOOKED TO ME..." IT LOOKED TO ME THE GOOD LIFE MEANING WHEN SHE WAS RECOVERED AND WHEN SHE GOT HERSELF TOGETHER, WHEN SHE ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD JOB, SO, ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS GOT THE HAND-OUT. AND, HONESTLY, IN MY OPINION, THE NICE SIDE OF HAVING A MOTHER. -OKAY. -DID YOU HAVE A MOTHER? UM...PHYSICALLY. TELL HER WHAT IT WAS LIKE. "THE MOTHER I HAD WAS..." THE MOM I HAD AND THE MOM WE HAVE WAS... I WANT TO SAY... NOT ALL BAD DAYS, BUT IT WAS ALSO ROUGH. PRIME EXAMPLE, ONE I KNOW YOU DON'T REMEMBER, MOMMY AND [BLEEP] FIGHTING OVER YOU AT THE BACK DOOR. ONE HAD TWO OF YOUR LEGS. THE OTHER ONE HAD TWO OF YOUR ARMS, LITERALLY STRETCHING YOU. MOMMY TRYING TO PREVENT YOU FROM GOING OUT THE DOOR, AND [BLEEP] TRYING TO TAKE YOU. THAT'S THE KIND OF LIFESTYLE I GREW UP ON. AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHILE THAT WAS GOING ON, WHILE THEY WERE PULLING ON YOUR BABY SISTER? -SCREAMING FOR THEM TO STOP. -AND DID THEY? NO. THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE YOU SAID, "I WAS MORE OF A MOTHER IN THE HOUSEHOLD, "FIXING BOTTLES AND MAKING SURE MY SISTERS WERE OKAY. "I WOULD EVEN MISS SCHOOL SOME DAYS BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN'T COME HOME FOR WEEKS AT A TIME." -YOU ACTUALLY WAS A INFANT. -OKAY. AGAIN, I WAS BASICALLY TAKING CARE OF, LITERALLY, TWO INFANTS, NOT KNOWING, JUST GOING OFF OF JUST MY INSTINCTS. I THINK YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT YOU NOBODY'S GONNA DEFEND YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YES. NOBODY'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU, SO YOU BETTER DO IT FOR YOURSELF. -YES. -AND YOU CERTAINLY CAN'T DEPEND ON ME TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. YOU KNOW THAT. WHEN SHE'S GONE FOR DAYS AND WEEKS AT A TIME, SHE'S NOT THERE TO DEFEND YOU, TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, TO PROVIDE FOR YOU, TO PROTECT YOU. SO YOU LEARNED YOU CAN'T DEPEND ON NOBODY, AND THAT'S WRONG, EVEN THOUGH YOU KEPT THE BABIES SAFE IN MOMMY'S ABSENCE -- NOT ONE OF 'EM, BUT TWO OF 'EM. WHEN SHE CAME HOME, AND YOU HAD TAKEN CARE OF THE BABIES AND DONE THE BEST YOU COULD, WHAT DID SHE SAY TO YOU ABOUT WHERE SHE'D BEEN? SHE NEVER DID. A MOTHER LEAVES HER CHILDREN AT THE BABYSITTER'S. SHE COMES BACK AND SAYS, "THANK YOU," AND GIVE YOU SOME MONEY. WHAT DID YOU GET? [ Whispers ] NOTHING. SO HOW WERE YOU TO KNOW THAT WHAT YOU HAD DONE WAS GOOD? AND WHERE, MY BELOVED MISS SHAY, DO YOU CARRY THAT PAIN? WHERE DO YOU CARRY THAT? I JUST KEPT IT BALLED UP. NO, IT COMES OUT WITH "AAH!" YES. AND THEN IT COMES AT HER -- THE LITTLE SENSITIVE, FRAGILE ONE THAT YOU FED AND TOOK CARE OF THAT SHE DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT -- IT COMES OUT AT HER BECAUSE THAT 10-YEAR-OLD INSIDE OF YOU THINKS SHE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO YOU... ...BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER WASN'T. -DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? -YES, IT MAKES SENSE. I LOVE THE FACT THAT Y'ALL THINK THAT YOU JUST KEEP IT BOTTLED UP AND HIDDEN. [ LAUGHS ] I DON'T KNOW YOU FROM A CAN OF PAINT, AND I CAN TELL YOU WHAT I'M LOOKING AT. THE WAY SHAY AND MARCIA EXPERIENCE AND REACT TO EACH OTHER IS A DIRECT RESULT OF BEHAVIOR THEY LEARNED FROM THEIR MOTHER. FOR THIS REASON, IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND THE ORIGINS OF ALICIA'S DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR. SO NEITHER ONE OF YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S STORY AS A WOMAN. YOU KNOW WHO SHE WAS AS YOUR MOTHER. -OKAY. -AND YOU HAVE CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS OF HER AS A MOTHER. BUT DO YOU KNOW HER STORY AS A WOMAN? WHY IS SHE WHO SHE IS TODAY? THAT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN WHO SHE WAS AS YOUR MOTHER. AND I RESPECT YOU ENOUGH AS WOMEN, JUST BY YOUR BEING HERE, THAT YOU NEED IT TO HEAR IT DIRECTLY FROM HER MOUTH. I DON'T THINK THAT SHE'S WILLING TO OFFER OR BASICALLY SHARE HER STORY, BUT I THINK THAT'S WHERE IT WILL ALL START, IF SHE CAN START ADMITTING TO US OR BASICALLY JUST EVEN TALKING TO US. I MEAN, IT'S NOT US. IT'S NOT US. WELL, IT IS YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE IN IT. AND IF THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER THAT YOU DON'T KNOW, IT MAY BE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ASK. -NO. -SHE'S NOT GOING TO... OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE GOING TO TELL IT TODAY. LET ME GO GET HER. [ CHUCKLES ] SHE GOING TO TELL IT TODAY... -OKAY. -...'CAUSE I'M NOT HAVING IT. MISS ALICIA! Iyanla: THE BREAKDOWN BETWEEN SHAY AND MARCIA IS A FUNCTION OF A LACK OF COMMUNICATION WITH THEIR MOTHER. -COME ON, MISS ALICIA. -I'M COMING. SO I'VE INVITED MISS ALICIA TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION AND OFFER THESE SISTERS SOME CLARITY. WHAT WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ARE NOT FACTS, BUT FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES. EXPERIENCES THAT YOU HAD WITH YOUR MOM, EXPERIENCES THAT YOU REMEMBER, WHICH MAY NOT ALWAYS BE FACTUAL TO YOU, BUT IT'S WHAT THEY EXPERIENCED. AND THE ONLY THING THAT THAT SPEAKS TO IS A LACK OF COMMUNICATION. MISS SHAY, I WANT YOU TO SHARE WITH YOUR MOTHER YOUR EXPERIENCES THAT WE TALKED ABOUT EARLIER. MOM, ONE OF THE FIRST EXPERIENCE WAS YOU DISAPPEARING FOR, LIKE, A WEEK AT A TIME AND ME TAKING CARE OF MARCIA AND MARCALE. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? NO, NOT A WEEK AT A TIME. MIGHT HAVE BEEN OVERNIGHT, BUT IT'S NEVER BEEN WEEKS OR A WEEK AT A TIME. -YOU'RE DEFENDING. -NO, I'M NOT DEFENDING. I'M NOT...FOR HER... -THAT'S WHAT SHE REMEMBERS. -YEAH. YEAH, BUT THAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED, BUT NOT A WEEK. THEN HOW COME THIS DAUGHTER OF YOURS THAT SHE WAS MAKING FORMULA FOR DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU EVER HAD A DRUG PROBLEM? -HOW COME? -I'VE NEVER TOLD HER. -WHY? -I NEVER FELT THE NEED TO. THAT'S A PART OF WHO YOU ARE. TELL HER HOW YOU GOT INTO IT. TELL HER. BY FOLLOWING PEOPLE. IT'S THE SAME THING -- NO, LET'S TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. "I ONCE HAD A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS." I ONCE HAD A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS. YEAH. AND TELL HER WHAT KIND OF DRUGS. -IT WAS CRACK COCAINE. -YEAH, AND TELL HER ...SO YOUR MAMA WAS A CRACKHEAD. I'M-A TELL YOU. SHE AIN'T SAYING IT, BUT I AM. -[ LAUGHS ] -IS THAT TRUE? YEAH, AND THAT SONG WAS OUT. -YES. -IT'S HARD TO SAY. -IS IT HARD TO HEAR? -NO. I'M NOT GOING TO JUDGE HER FOR WHAT SHE... NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT JUDGING HER. BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR, "YOUR MAMA WAS A CRACKHEAD." I TOLD SOMEBODY THE OTHER DAY... THEY ALMOST FELL OFF THE CHAIR WHEN I SAID IT. I SAID, "MY MOTHER WAS A DRUNKEN HO." NOW I CAN SAY THAT. YOU CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE THAT IS THE BASE LEVEL I HAD TO TAKE IT TO, TO BE ABLE TO DO MY HEALING, AND THEN I HAD TO UNDERSTAND HOW SHE BECAME A DRUNKEN HO, AND THEN I COULD BUILD HER UP TO THE ELEGANT, DIVINE, POWERFUL BLACK WOMAN THAT SHE WAS, BUT I COULDN'T START UP THERE. I HAD TO START AT THE DRUNKEN HO LEVEL. YOU UNDERSTAND? BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN I GET TO REALLY SEE WHO SHE WAS AS A WOMAN AND TEACH MYSELF TO LOVE HER ANYWAY. I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT YOUR DAUGHTER, THIS WOMAN, AND, FROM THE PLACE OF WOMAN INSIDE OF YOU, TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR EXPERIENCE, NOT THE FACTS. SHAY AND MARCIA, IT ALL STARTED WITH ME BEING MOLESTED. I WAS MOLESTED BY [BLEEP]. Iyanla: INTERESTING. I WANT YOU TO SEE SOMETHING, OKAY? MM-HMM. MY LOVE. YEAH. [ CRYING ] I DON'T WANNA DO THIS. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IT'S OKAY. BREATHE. COME ON, BREATHE. COME ON, BREATHE. COME ON, BREATHE, BABY. IT'S OKAY. -[ BREATHING HEAVILY ] -YOU CAN DO IT. I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND IT. GET UP HERE AND SIT WITH YOUR SISTER. YEAH, IT'S OKAY. YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. YEAH. DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? -MM-HMM. -AND YOU SITTING... -I MEAN, WE'RE IN THIS... -...THERE WITH YOUR ARMS FOLDED. I KNOW, WHERE IN THIS -- I KNOW. I MEAN, OF COURSE. I EXPECT HER TO FEEL LIKE THAT. -I MEAN, YEAH. YEAH. -BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? -I'M NOT FOLDING MY ARMS... -HOLD ON.... LIKE I DON'T CARE. BUT YOU CAN'T TELL HER LIKE THIS. I'M NOT TELLING HER LIKE THAT. YOU ARE, THAT COLDNESS THAT'S UP THERE. NO, I'M NOT. I'M TELLING YOU, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING. -NO, I'M NOT. -LISTEN TO ME, BABY. YOUR MOTHER WAS A YOUNG GIRL WHO WAS VIOLATED BY A FAMILY MEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOW CLOSE TO. CAN YOU SEE ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME? YES. YES, BABY. I HOPE THAT HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND. TELL ME HOW YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW. YEAH, ANGRY. COME ON, WHAT ELSE? YEAH, SO YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH YOUR MOTHER'S VIOLATOR BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU. AND THEN YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THERE'S SO MUCH BREAKDOWN BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU? THAT DOESN'T GO AWAY, MISS ALICIA. THAT DOESN'T GO AWAY. -THANK YOU. -YOU'RE WELCOME. I KNOW THIS IS SHOCKING, AND MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU, BABY. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M ALSO HOLDING YOUR MAMA'S HAND. [ CONTINUES CRYING ] KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO? I WANT YOU TO TAKE HER UPSTAIRS AND LET HER LAY DOWN. -OKAY. -SIT WITH HER. SHE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU FOR A MINUTE, AND I'M GOING TO COME SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE, OKAY? -YES, MA'AM. -ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR MOM BEFORE YOU GO? -I WANT YOU TO GET IT ALL OUT. -NO, MA'AM. YEAH. DO YOU WANT TO HUG YOUR MAMA? -NO. -OKAY. OKAY. TAKE HER UPSTAIRS. AND WE'RE GONNA GET YOU SOMETHING TO EAT. LET YOUR SISTER TAKE CARE OF YOU, OKAY? -LOOK AT ME. YOU OKAY? -YES, MA'AM. I KNOW THIS IS SHOCKING, BUT YOU GOING TO BE OKAY. WE GOING TO WORK IT THROUGH, OKAY? YES, OH, POOR BABY. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR MAMA TO HUG YOU. I'M GOING TO HUG YOU. COME HERE. [ CHUCKLES ] AW, YEAH. POOR BABY. YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND YOU CRY. Iyanla: IT IS IMPORTANT THAT SHAY TAKE SOME TIME TO PROCESS THE FACT THAT SHE'S BEEN FRIENDS WITH HER MOTHER'S RAPIST. -I DON'T WANNA DO THIS NO MORE. -OKAY. [ CONTINUES CRYING ] [ SOBBING ] Iyanla: BUT NOW, IT'S MY INTENTION TO HELP MISS ALICIA AND HER DAUGHTERS FIND THEIR WAY TO BUILDING NEW RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONE ANOTHER. SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU TWO WORDS TO USE WITH SHAY, AND NOTHING ELSE -- TWO WORDS. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE? -NO. "FORGIVE ME." FORGIVE ME. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE SAYS. THAT'S YOUR RESPONSE. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE DOES. THAT'S YOUR RESPONSE. [ Whispers ] FORGIVE ME. AND FORGIVING YOU IS HOW SHE'S GONNA SET HERSELF FREE. KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO? I WANT YOU TO GO OUT THERE TO YOUR CHAIR AND PRAY. MAMAS NEED TO PRAY BECAUSE SOMETIMES, THERE AIN'T NOTHING ELSE GONNA HELP US. -YEAH. -GO PRAY. FIRST, LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG SO THAT YOU KNOW I'M HERE. -THANK YOU. -IT'S OKAY. AND I'LL NEVER LET YOUR HAND GO. GO PRAY. GO PRAY. AND THEN COME BACK AND GO GET YOUR BABY GIRL. -OKAY. -I THINK MISS ALICIA'S LEARNING SOME VERY IMPORTANT LESSONS, THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN AVOIDING, FORGIVING, HEALING, DENYING, AND LET IT GO. AND SO VERY OFTEN, WHEN PEOPLE ARE WOUNDED TO AN UNSPEAKABLE PLACE, THE ONLY THING THEY CAN DO IS TAKE CARE OF THE PAIN THEY FEEL IN THE MOMENT AND, IN THE PROCESS, THEY MAKE SO MANY MISTAKES THAT COLORS THE REST OF THEIR LIFE. THIS IS A DEEP SURGICAL CUT, AND MANY PEOPLE RIGHT NOW ARE ON THE OPERATING TABLE. BUT WE GOING TO CLEAN IT UP. IT MADE ME HATE THAT YOU WERE MY MOM. IT MADE ME HATE THAT, YOU KNOW, I WAS EVEN ALIVE. I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ABORTION WITH ME INSTEAD OF JUST... ...LEAVING ME TO A PACK OF WOLVES. [ SHAY SOBBING ] COME ON. COME ON. Iyanla: WHEN DOING SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL SURGERY, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DEEP CUT. -IT'S OKAY. -AND SHAY IS EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF EXPOSING SOME OF THE DARKEST AREAS OF HER FAMILY'S BREAKDOWN AND DYSFUNCTION. -IT'S OKAY. -THIS IS A DIVINE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP MISS SHAY UNDERSTAND HOW SHE CAN BEGIN HER PERSONAL HEALING PROCESS. MISS SHAY! MISS SHAY? I NEED YOU TO STAND UP. COME ON, YOU CAN FEEL BAD, BUT YOU CAN RECOVER. COME ON, LOOK AT ME. HELP ME UNDERSTAND. COME ON. COME ON, COME ON. LEAVE HER. LEAVE HER. SHE CAN DO THIS. SHE CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN DO THIS, MISS SHAY. YOU CAN DO THIS. OKAY? COME ON, BREATHE. I NEED YOU TO BREATHE, AND I NEED YOU TO BE 34, NOT 7. -I'M 35. -OH, WELL, GOOD. LET'S MOVE TO 36. [ LAUGHS ] OKAY, SO NOW TAKE A BREATH. YOU CAN CRY, BUT YOU GOTTA CRY WITH AN AGENDA. WHAT IS THE AGENDA OF YOUR TEARS? -I'M HURTING. -HURTING. OKAY, TELL ME WHAT HURTS. WHAT HURTS? BREATHE AND PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU GONNA HAVE TO STAND IN THIS. THIS IS NOT GOING AWAY. YOU CAN'T GIVE IT THAT KIND OF POWER. HOW WE GONNA HANDLE IT TODAY? -I CAN'T BREATHE. -HUH? -I CAN'T BREATHE. -OKAY, THEN, SLOW DOWN. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. WE GOTTA DO IT DIFFERENT, BABY. LOOK, COME ON, BREATHE SLOW. [ EXHALES SLOWLY ] PUSH IT OUT SLOW. [ EXHALES SLOWLY ] THAT'S OKAY. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIX THIS TODAY. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MOVE THROUGH IT ONE MINUTE AT A TIME, AND THAT'S ALL. AND YOU CAN DO THAT. YEAH. IT'S OKAY. YEAH, IT'S OKAY. COME ON, BREATHE THROUGH. YOU GOT TO CHOOSE IT. YOU GOT TO CHOOSE IT. [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] I KNOW THIS IS A DEEP CUT RIGHT HERE. THIS IS A DEEP CUT. YEAH? BUT IT ALSO HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE ENERGY BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM, SOME OF THE ENERGY IN YOU, BUT WE CAN DO IT DIFFERENT. I PROMISE YOU WE CAN. WE CAN DO IT DIFFERENT. WE CAN, IF YOU WANT TO. KNOW WHAT ELSE WE CAN DO DIFFERENT? WE CAN HAVE THIS CONVERSATION INSIDE. -[ LAUGHS ] -HOW ABOUT THAT? -YES, MA'AM. -COME ON. [ CHUCKLES ] I THINK WOMEN, WHEN THEY HAVE A PROBLEM, SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN HAVING TEA. LIKE SO MANY FAMILIES IN BREAKDOWN, MISS SHAY AND HER SISTERS NEVER LEARNED HOW TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND OPENLY WITH EACH OTHER, ESPECIALLY IN TIMES OF CRISIS. THIS FAMILY NEEDS CLARITY, SO I'M BRINGING THEM TOGETHER TO ASSESS HOW THEIR MOTHER'S SHOCKING REVELATIONS HAS AFFECTED THE ENTIRE FAMILY. BREATHE. BREATHE. SHE CAN HANDLE IT. SHE CAN MOVE THROUGH IT. YEAH. MOM, YOU SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF TELLING THE TRUTH? YES. SO PIECES AND PARTS. THEY HAD PIECES AND PARTS, AND SHE HAD NO IDEA. AND THAT'S WHAT CREATES THE CHIRPING, THE... IN THE NEST THAT THEN CREATES BREAKDOWNS. YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? BUT DO Y'ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IT TOOK FOR HER TO LIVE WITH THAT? -YEAH, I KNOW. -WHY DO YOU UNDERSTAND, BABY? BECAUSE I WAS MOLESTED MYSELF. I WAS ACTUALLY MOLESTED BY [BLEEP]. -OH, GOD. -JUST BREATHE. -DID YOU KNOW THAT? -NO. I NEED A SMOKE. I CAN'T SIT AT THIS TABLE RIGHT NOW. -YEAH, YOU CAN. COME ON. -I CAN'T. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. -YEAH, YOU CAN. -WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT, OKAY? TALK TO ME. YOU KNOW, I HATED HER. I REALLY DID. TELL HER, "I HATED YOU." -I HATED YOU. I HELD A GRUDGE. -YEAH. WE BEEN IN COMPETITION WITH EACH OTHER! -KNOW WHAT? LET ME GO, TOO. -YEAH, EXACTLY! TRUTH HURTS. THE TRUTH HURTS. I'M GONE. [ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ] YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU THE MOST DECEPTIVE-ASS LIAR! NO, THE TRUTH HURTS! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! GIRL, BYE. BYE, CHILE. I'M DONE. CALL ME A DRIVER. I WANT TO GO HOME. WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND, BABY? BECAUSE I WAS MOLESTED MYSELF. I WAS ACTUALLY MOLESTED BY [BLEEP]. JUST BREATHE. I NEED A SMOKE. I CAN'T SIT AT THIS TABLE RIGHT NOW. -YEAH, YOU CAN. COME ON. -I CAN'T. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. WE GOING TO DO IT DIFFERENT. YEAH, YOU CAN. WE GONNA DO IT DIFFERENT. JUST BREATHE. Iyanla: PRECCIOUS HAS JUST REVEALED THAT SHE WAS MOLESTED BY SHAY'S FRIEND, THE SAME PERSON WHO RAPED ALICIA. THIS IS VERY SENSITIVE AND DELICATE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL INFORMATION, AND I MUST CONSIDER WHAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE'S WELL-BEING. TALK TO ME. HOW OLD WERE YOU? SAY ABOUT 12, 13. SAME AGE AS YOU. DID YOU TELL? I DID, BUT THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. SO WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING. I JUST HAD TO GO BY SEEING HIM EVERY TIME HE CAME TO MY MOTHER HOUSE. JUST LIKE YOU. YEAH? JUST LIKE YOU. DID YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT SHE HAD BEEN THROUGH? SHE TOLD ME THAT WAS SHE WAS MOLESTED, BUT SHE'D NEVER TOLD ME EXACTLY WHO IT WAS. OR THAT SHE HAD HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE AS YOU. SAME EXPERIENCE, NO. WOW. AND WHAT ELSE? WHAT IS THAT? TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW. ANGER. THAT'S NOT ANGER, BABY. -THAT'S RAGE. -MM. PRETTY MUCH. AND HOW DO YOU LIVE THAT? HOW DOES THAT SHOW UP IN YOUR LIFE, THAT RAGE? HOW DOES IT SHOW UP? 'CAUSE I NEVER UNDERSTOOD, AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY MY MOTHER GAVE ME TO THESE PEOPLE. ASK HER. ASK HER. SHE'S SITTING RIGHT THERE. [ CRYING ] HOW COULD YOU? GO AHEAD. SPEAK IT. HOW COULD YOU GIVE ME TO THIS FAMILY, AND YOU... WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH? [ SHAY SOBBING ] 'CAUSE YOU GAVE ME TO A FAMILY THAT YOU KNEW THAT... THE THINGS YOU WERE GOING THROUGH, AND THEY DIDN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT. YEAH. GIVE IT SOUND, MISS PRECCIOUS. MISS PRECCIOUS, GIVE IT SOUND. WHAT'S THE SOUND? OPEN YOUR MOUTH. THIS SILENCE AMONG Y'ALL GOTTA END TODAY. OPEN YOUR MOUTH. WHAT IS THE SOUND? -OPEN YOUR MOUTH. -NO! OPEN YOUR MOUTH. COME ON, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE YOUR FACE. NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. LOOK AT ME. YES, SPEAK IT. SPEAK IT. I JUST HATE IT. I HATE MY PAIN. YEAH. AND WHAT ABOUT HATING YOURSELF, MISS PRECCIOUS? -I DO. -YES, I KNOW YOU DO. I KNOW YOU DO. YOU KNOW, I HATED HER. I REALLY DID. -TELL HER, "I HATED YOU." YEAH. -I HATED YOU. -I HELD A GRUDGE... -YES. -...FOR SO LONG. -YES. AND IT -- IT...IT MADE ME HATE THAT YOU WERE MY MOM. IT MADE ME HATE THAT... YOU KNOW, I WAS EVEN ALIVE. AND IT MADE ME REALLY JUST FEEL LIKE, I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ABORTION WITH ME INSTEAD OF JUST... LEAVING ME TO A PACK OF WOLVES. WHAT'S YOUR TWO WORDS, MAMA? WHAT'S YOUR TWO WORDS? FORGIVE ME. I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPLAIN OR SPEAK TO THE VIOLENCE VISITED AGAINST BLACK WOMEN BY THEIR OWN FAMILY. IT'S HISTORICAL. IT'S ANCESTRAL. IT'S GENERATIONAL. AND I THINK THE GREATEST DISSERVICE THAT WE DO AS WOMEN IS, WE ALLOW THAT VIOLENCE TO STEAL OUR TONGUE AND THAT, IN OUR GENERATIONAL PATTERN TO PROTECT OUR VIOLATORS, WE SUFFER AND VISIT SUFFERING UPON THE NEXT GENERATIONS. AND THE WOMEN AT THE TOP OF OUR LINES, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE TONGUES, THEY DON'T TEACH US HOW TO HAVE A TONGUE, TO SPEAK OUR PAIN, TO SPEAK OUR FEAR, TO SPEAK OUR VIOLATIONS. I GOT SEVEN TONGUES SITTING AT THIS TABLE. Y'ALL BETTER GET TO CHIRPING. [ CHUCKLES ] YOU GOT TO. Y'ALL GOTTA GET TO TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT YOUR PAIN, ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. YOU SAID SOME REAL DIFFICULT THINGS TODAY, YEAH? AND LOOK, EVERYBODY'S STILL HERE. NOBODY DIED. I HAVEN'T HEARD NO ARGUMENTS. YOU JUST GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT. YOU SPOKE YOUR HEART TO YOUR MOTHER. SHE'S STILL SITTING HERE. NOW, MAMA, YOU GOTTA SPEAK YOUR HEART TO THESE DUCKLINGS, 'CAUSE THEY NEED TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE AS A WOMAN. BEFORE YOU CAN GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND GIVE YOUR TESTIMONY, YOU NEED TO TESTIFY RIGHT HERE TO THIS CHURCH. TO THIS CHURCH, YOU NEED TO TESTIFY. TELL 'EM WHO YOU ARE! NOW, MAMA, YOU GOT TO SPEAK YOUR HEART TO THESE DUCKLINGS, 'CAUSE THEY NEED TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE AS A WOMAN. BEFORE YOU CAN GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND GIVE YOUR TESTIMONY, YOU NEED TO TESTIFY RIGHT HERE TO THIS CHURCH. TO THIS CHURCH, YOU NEED TO TESTIFY. TELL 'EM WHO YOU ARE! I MEAN, THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE THIS WEEKEND, JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THE PAIN THAT I WENT THROUGH COMING UP FROM THIRD GRADE -- THE MOLESTATION, NO GUIDANCE, NO PARENTS. I WENT THROUGH IT. AND I'M SORRY THAT I HAD TO TAKE Y'ALL THROUGH IT. I HURT EVERY SINGLE DAY. LIKE I SAID, I WALK AROUND ACTING LIKE I'M GOOD, LIKE... [ Voice breaking ] "OKAY, I'M GOOD." AND THAT'S WHAT I TELL Y'ALL, "I'M GOOD." AND DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I'M NOT GOOD... 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WAS TAUGHT. I'M SORRY. FORGIVE ME. THERE'S MORE THAT YOU NEED THEM TO KNOW. -I MEAN, THEY PRETTY MUCH... -NO, NO. DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. THIS IS A BRAND-NEW DAY. I MEAN, THEY HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT THEY WANT TO KNOW. NO, YOU NEED TO TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE. WHO ARE YOU? THEY DON'T KNOW YOU! THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE! THEY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. TELL THEM WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH, WHAT YOU SAT THROUGH, THE MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE AND WHAT YOU WANT NOW. THEY DON'T KNOW THAT, MISS ALICIA. I MEAN, AS FAR AS MY DRUG ADDICTION... DOING, YOU KNOW, WITH MARCIA AND MARCALE, THAT -- WE TALKED ABOUT THAT. -ABOUT WHAT, MOM? -I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. MY DRUG ADDICTION. I KNEW YOU HAD A DRUG ADDICTION. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A DRUG ADDICTION WITH ME AND MARCIA. WHAT, WHEN THEY WERE BORN? OR... -WHEN YOU WAS PREGNANT WITH US? -I WAS PREGNANT. WOW. WHY DID YOU THINK THEY KNEW THAT? I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT IT. WE DON'T TALK. I'M JUST AFRAID TO TALK TO HER BECAUSE SHE'S SOMETIMES YELLING, -AND IT HURTS ME... -OH, MY GOD. -...THAT SHE YELLS. -UGH. -CAN I GET UP FROM THIS TABLE? -NO. IF MISS SHAY COULDN'T GO, YOU CAN'T GO. HERE'S WHAT I NEED YOU TO HEAR, MAMA DUCK. YOUR BABY DUCKLING FEELS THAT SHE CAN'T SPEAK TO YOU BECAUSE WHEN SHE DOES, YOU YELL. IF SHE WOULD STOP BEING SO REBELLIOUS... SHH, SHH, SHH. -SHE'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR... -MAMA. -I MEAN... -MAMA, YOU'RE DOING IT. -...SHE'S BEEN REBELLIOUS. -YOU'RE DOING IT. SHE'S NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD WHEN SHE HAS THE ATTITUDE -- SHE'S ALWAYS HAD ATTITUDE. HOW CAN SOMEBODY DEAL WITH -- THIS IS HER! THIS IS HOW SHE'S BEEN GROWING UP! -MAMA. -YES. HAVE YOU NEVER NOTICED HOW FRAGILE AND FRAGMENTED YOUR BABY GIRL IS? -HAVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT? -YES, YES, YES. SO THEN MY QUESTION BECOMES, WHY WOULD YOU SPEAK TO HER IN THAT MANNER? AS SOON AS SHE STARTED SPEAKING WHAT SHE WAS FEELING, HER EXPERIENCE, YOU WENT FOR HER. -I SAW IT. -IYANLA, CAN I SPEAK PLEASE... -YES, MA'AM. -...AS MOTHER DUCKLING. OKAY, I'M-A LAY THIS OUT ON THE TABLE NOW. I GET CONVERSATIONS FROM... AND THIS IS ABOUT ALL OF EVERYONE. THIS IS WHAT I GET. MARCIA'S SAYING THAT WE DON'T COMMUNICATE. WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S MAD ABOUT THAT... TAKE A BREATH. TAKE A BREATH. -...AT SHAY. -SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN. OKAY. OKAY. WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SHE MAD AND UPSET WITH SHAY, SHE'LL CALL ME. SHE'LL VENT. SHE'LL SCREAM. SHE'LL HOLLER. I'LL LISTEN. WHEN SHAY WANTS TO CALL ME AT WORK AND VENT ABOUT WHATEVER SHE'S GOING THROUGH, I LISTEN. AND LET ME CLEAN IT UP ON MY END WHEN YOU BRINGING ME INTO THE SITUATION. THE TIMES I DID CALL YOU, I WAS LOOKING FOR A MOTHER AND A MOTHER RESPONSE. WHEN I TRY TO GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, YOU WERE BASICALLY FORGIVEN OR WHENEVER SOMETHING SAYS. -HERE WE GO. -IT'S SOMETHING, ALWAYS, ELSE. -HERE WE GO. -IT'S NO "HERE WE GO," MA. IT'S, WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP, SOMETHING ELSE ALWAYS COMES INTO PLAY. IT'S ALWAYS AN EXCUSE WITH YOU. -HOW DO YOU KNOW? -WHAT YOU MEAN? BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK? YOU DON'T HAVE -- LISTEN AT YOU. WE DON'T TALK! -YOU DON'T NEITHER. NOT ANYMORE. -WE DON'T TALK! NOT ANYMORE. BECAUSE OF YOUR DECEPTIONS AND YOUR DECEIVING. THAT'S YOURS. THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL. -NO, THAT'S THE... -THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL. -THAT'S HOW YOU ALWAYS BEEN. -NO, ALL THIS IS BIGGER... -NO, THAT'S HOW YOU ALWAYS... -YES, IT'S BIGGER THAN [BLEEP]. WE NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT [BLEEP] WITH MY SITUATION. IT'S MUCH BIGGER THAN [BLEEP]. THAT JUST CAME INTO PLAY, BUT I'M NOT HEARING REFERENCE TO MOLESTATION. I JUST LEARNED THAT TODAY. MY ISSUES WITH YOU EXTEND WAY MORE THAN THAT. BUT I'M -- LITERALLY WANT TO DEFEND... OH, YOU SAY THAT YOU PICK UP A CONVERSATION WITH ME? NO, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T. I FEEL AS THOUGH FOR THE LONGEST, WE BEEN IN COMPETITION WITH EACH OTHER, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHEN I LOOK UP TO YOU. YES, SHAKE. YES, YOU -- A COMPETITION? GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE. GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF COMPETITION. GIVE ME EXAMPLE WHEN YOU FELT LIKE WE WERE COMPETING. LIKE, FIRST OF ALL, EVERYTHING WE DO... MA, FOR FIRST OF ALL, EVERYTHING THAT WE DO -- YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME GO. YEAH, EXACTLY, BECAUSE THE TRUTH HURTS! I'M GONE. [ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ] YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU THE MOST DECEPTIVE-ASS LIAR. NO, THE TRUTH HURTS! THAT'S WHAT IT IS. GIRL, BYE. BYE, CHILE. YOUR LITTLE VINDICTIVE-ASS SELF. THE HELL WITH YOU. JUST CALL ME A DRIVER, 'CAUSE I TRIED. I TRIED. I'M DONE. CALL ME A DRIVER. I WANT TO GO HOME. TELL THEM TO CALL ME A DRIVER. I'M GOING HOME! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS HOUSE NO MORE! NO MORE! I'M READY TO GO HOME 'CAUSE I TRIED! I BEEN TRYING FOR TOO MANY [BLEEP] YEARS! I'M DONE! I AM DONE WITH THIS. THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA. I SHOULD HAVE STUCK TO MY GUT INSTINCTS AND NOT EVEN COME, PERIOD! I KNEW THIS. SHE TOLD ME I CAN GO HOME WHEN I WANT TO. CALL MY DRIVER SO I CAN GO HOME TONIGHT. Iyanla: NEXT WEEK ON "IYANLA FIX MY LIFE"... MISS ALICIA, YOU DON'T WALK OUT ON YOUR CHILDREN. YOU DID IT TO BIANCA. YOU DID IT TO PRECCIOUS. YOU GETTING READY TO DO IT TO ALL OF THEM. I CAN'T SIT THROUGH THE LIES. I SAID YOU GONNA HAVE TO SIT IN IT! WHAT THEY DOING? I MEAN, ALL THE LIES AND DECEIT! -IYANLA, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! -YOU LIE! -THEY PRETEND! -YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO IT! YOU TAUGHT THEM HOW TO DO IT!
