Ismael Loutfi: “Arab-to-Arab Small Talk Gets Dark Fast” - Bill Burr Presents: The Ringers

oh I know a lot about one thing at a lot about a slam I'm a Muslim any Muslims here I'm so Muslim I'm okay with questions to a lot of people of color we'll do this thing where they'll be like hey whitey if you have a question about me in my background don't ask me I don't speak for all my people if you'll present might be my background Google that [ __ ] as a Muslim don't Google that [ __ ] okay the Internet's not our friend if you Google Muslim half the results are conservatives going through all in Isis and then the other half the results are Isis going what a nice it's gonna be like they're on they're on Twitter like they have followers they have clout they have some pretty funny contact let's be real like don't go to the internet with your Muslim related questions go to a Muslim and if you're sitting here and you're like well what if I don't know any Muslims how will they ask him a question like yeah how do I do that well there's actually an app that will send Muslims directly to you it's called uber and the way it works you hit one button a guy named one sewer will show up in three minutes and a Toyota Camry you know I have to go anywhere he just get in there just Sharia law go he'll tell you he'll tell you everything his jabs anything you want to talk about when Sir will tell you people to give us a ride share app it's a Muslim delivery service I call it and then it says Khalid is on his ways call it five stars I got [ __ ] all right here we go and he shows up then I get in the back of the Toyota camera closes the door and the same thing happens he I get in it he looks at his phone he looks at me he's like it's man like he says my name is super Arab he's like it's man it's now III 9 we have we have secret letters we're evil anyway but he says that to check me just to make sure that I'm not actually Puerto Rican somehow like he just says that just it's me Ellen I'll be like yes and I'm like him what's going on hard he gets excited I get so excited and yeah and we got all except at this point in the app's history that uber you're gonna have to have some small talk right there's gonna be some maybe you'll try to avoid it but there's gonna be some small talk which is fine the only issue is that Arab - Arab small talk gets dark and fast I don't know if you know the Middle East it's not happy right now that is some in 30 seconds it is zero to genocide it is jar cuz I get in the back of the car he's like you're smiling I'm like yeah I'm like I'm gonna sit up and then it everybody is like what are you from I'm like Syria and then every yeah every time every time yeah exactly I I go I'm from Syria and then every time without feeling I guess man what happened is an evil man for what he did to the innocent Syrian people Allah God will curse him for a thousand years or what he did to the innocent Syrian people are gonna kiss him and his children and his children's children blood will soak into the most of course but a thousand the Chinese girl who's also in the pool is like I'll just get out wherever you are me to be at all I don't need to be a part of this moment you two are having I'm like Jennifer you were in this with us Jennifer you have to experience this with me I'm not even really from Syria as a funny / I got Nikoli Syrian but my I grew up in the South I'm from Florida yes hmm for I've heard every joke your food is it's worse than Syria [ __ ] you [ __ ] you guys now now [ __ ] that everybody shits on Florida you guys never even set foot in the state yeah it sucks but you got to live there you got to experience that [ __ ] the worst thing is other southerners [ __ ] on Florida other southerners give us their southerners in this room who hear me call myself a southerner and you're like now you ain't a southerner buddy you a Floridian [ __ ] you bro [ __ ] you now dude you ain't from the south you from Florida it's a little bit different way why is it different cuz you got Cubans that's the reason too many Cubans for it to count we got biscuits we got cheese grits come on man I've had that dude from Kentucky come up to me like they dude you're not really from the south by the way you're from Florida I'm like bro you guys weren't even in the Confederacy you didn't have slaves [ __ ] like what am i defending how how did I get there you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 218,589

Rating: 4.8895278 out of 5

Keywords: Ismael Loutfi, ringers, bill burr, bill burr comedian, bill burr presents, rosebud baker comedian, rosebud baker stand up, stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, islam, muslim, questions, ask, google, isis, uber, uber pool, small talk, arab, Arabic, dark, middle east, syria, bashar al assad, allah, florida, the south, southern, funny, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up

Id: yyX5zQhxWjE

Length: 4min 35sec (275 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 25 2020