-Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or
OCD is a chronic and long lasting disorder in which a person has varying
degrees of uncontrollable and unwanted intrusive thoughts or urges that
repeat incessantly in their mind. As recently as the 16th century in
Europe, it was believed that people experiencing obsessive thoughts were
possessed by the devil requiring exorcisms to banish the evil
from these possessed individuals. By the early 20th century,
Sigmund Freud attributed obsessive compulsive behavior to unconscious
conflicts that manifest as symptoms. It's estimated that OCD currently
affects about 2% of people or 150 million people worldwide. My name's Anthony Padilla, and today
I'm going to be sitting down with people who have OCD to learn the truth about
this heavily misunderstood disorder. Do those with obsessive compulsive
disorder simply navigate the world with an extra layer required to
feel content or are the effects this disorder has on every facet
of daily life, insurmountable and psychological debilitating. Hello, Tazia. -Hi, how are you? -Luke? -Hey. -Sam. -Hey. -Thank you so much for coming on
here and teaching me about the world of obsessive compulsive disorder. -Happy to be here and grateful. -How would you describe yourself? Someone with OCD, someone
with a very busy mind. -A busy mind, like summarizes the whole. -Maybe someone with a
beehive for a brain. -Never knowing when to stop the
army from doing it's queen's wishes. -Yes, they don't seem to
be very organized though. -Just to dude surviving in in the world. -Can you explain what specific
type or types of OCD you have? -Obsessions are kind of the unwanted
thoughts that bombard you and then compulsions are the behaviors that
you engage in, whether just mentally or actually in the physical world
to try to alleviate the anxiety. I feel like I have whack-a-mole OCD,
which I think a lot of people do. I've had existential OCD where I get
really fixated on like the nature of reality, otherwise known as matrix OCD. Like, are we in the matrix? I don't know. -True, and I've definitely thought that
as well, but for short periods of time. -I also have just had your like run
of the mill, like weird knock on wood because something bad might
happen except all of a sudden you're knocking on wood 30 times and it just
takes a lot of time out of your day. -I have checking mental contamination,
ruminations and intrusive thoughts. Mental contamination is
primarily my worst one. It's less of fear of getting sick
and more of a fear of yourself being dirty or unclean, so that
can lead to lots of hand-washing. In my case, not touching any door knobs. Intrusive thoughts are where thoughts
will aggressively push through your themselves inside of your brain
and will bounce around forever. -Can you describe what those intrusive
thoughts might be and how they feel? -For me right now are just
beating down on my character to where I'm going to grow up to be. It's like, "Wow, you aren't funny. You you're an asshole," and stuff. No matter what I'm doing, whether
it's on social media or putting up a front at school, it's like I'm always
trying to overcome what my mind is telling me I am by overcompensating. -You'll try to prove to yourself
that you're not the worst that you fear that you are. -And then become it. -Inherently by trying to prevent
yourself from doing it you- Get more anxious. -Get more anxious, become more angry. -It causes a lot of suppressed anger. -Intrusive thoughts, primarily are
around like me getting harmed or people that I really care about getting
harmed, for example, painting my nails. "Oh, if you don't paint your nails
five times in a row, somebody is going to kill you," or it'll be like,
"You'll do this thing to this person." Like your brain will make this idea
of, "Oh, you know, if I don't flip this book open like 15 times, you're probably
going to like stab that person." There's not the intention
there to do that. It's just your brain, makes the
intrusive thought, which like puts you in a fear state of like, "I don't want
to do that, so I have to do this thing." -A lot of people will
only see the actions. They only see someone with OCD,
touching things multiple times, doing things multiple times. It's like doing behaviors in repeated
fashions, not realizing that having OCD isn't just about doing things. -It's a soothing sort of
thing too, to get that out of your head when that happens. -OCD is a disorder of
degree not different. A lot of people have the
same kinds of thoughts. They just don't get stuck there. I think for a lot of people, it
jumps around depending on what's going on in your life, stressors. Even as a kid having really
weird obsessions around being honest and being authentic. I became really fixated on this
idea that you act differently around different people and I became
really obsessed with trying to act the same around everyone, because
I thought it was lying somehow. -Because it's true. When you interact with your mom, you're
going to act a little bit different than when you hang out with a close friend,
you just have a different relationship. -Right, it's a totally normal thing,
but obviously as a kid, I wasn't really asking those questions. I was just internally panicking that
I was just a liar which is such a weird thing to have anxiety about,
but I developed this compulsion where any time that I thought I was being
dishonest, I would snap something on my wrist, like a rubber band or a
bracelet to remind myself to be honest. -It was almost like a
punishment to yourself. -That's why often and talk about
shame can be a really big component of OCD because a lot of it people
just earnestly want to do good. -Another one I have is trichotillomania,
which is hair-pulling whether it be like eyelashes eyebrows and so that
was like an unconscious self soother. If I was in a high
stress situation to pull. For some people, it just
happens, but for me- -It never quiet satisfied that
feeling, so you would constantly repeat those actions, is that right? -Yes, I didn't realize
that it was what it was. I knew it was something that was
wrong because none of my friends were like, "I have images that
somebody might hurt my family." [music] -Is the mere idea of having an intrusive
thought enough to make that idea become the intrusive thought in and of itself. -Yes, the thought of, "Oh, shit. I have these thoughts and
it's really scary," and then I see something that's violent. It will pop up later in my brain or what
if I have to experience that within my own psyche and because you're ruminating
on the fear of it, it's gonna pop. -Can you recall any big
moments in your life that were clearly shaped by having OCD. -Before I got top surgery,
because I'm transgender. I started obsessing about my gender
which I think was OCD is weird lifeguard moment of like, "Wait,
you're going to get surgery." -Big decision. That's a forever decision. -I was like, "I was
sure now I'm not sure." There was a lot of struggle for me
personally to trust that I know who I am and the terrible thing too, is
that you have a lot of people who really don't like transgender people
and so they refer to them as mentally ill, they refer to them as delusional. They talk about their mutilating
their body to the point where I was so scared to take hormones
and so scared to get surgery. Being trans is never easy and
then add OCD on top of that, it's like someone to Rainbow Road
on Mario Kart and reversed it. You're just like, "Okay, can it
just be a little bit easier?" -Rainbow Road is already hard
enough, and now you got to put on Mirror Mode and 200 CC. -Thanks a lot. -Before we continue learning about the
world of OCD, are there any potentially dangerous aspects to having OCD? -People at hand-washing and also at Type
2 diabetes, their hands started rotting. -I want to mention that these videos
aren't intended to diagnose any condition or disorder and anyone who
feels they may relate to any medical diagnosis of the guests in these videos
would likely benefit from additional research and potentially receiving a
diagnosis from a licensed professional. I hope these videos help in some
way to remind us all just how each individual's perception of
reality can be truly unique due to our own personal circumstances,
backgrounds, and experiences. If you want to see me cover a few
other highly misunderstood disorders, like borderline personality disorder,
schizophrenia, or dissociative identity disorder, I'll go ahead and
include a link up in this corner. It's so easy to click. Give it a try. I dare you. Now back to the world of
obsessive compulsive disorder. Can you describe how it
personally feels to you? What feelings you feel when
you're experiencing that? -It feels hopeless, but not
in the traditional sense. It's like you're in an escape
room, but there's no actual exit. -When you keep feeling like you're one
step closer to finding that exit, like maybe hope is just around the corner. -Until you turn the corner
and it's just another wall. -It can be incredibly anxiety provoking. It'll happen with different triggers
or it'll just happen out of the blue, and so when I get an intrusive
thought, that'll be like, "Oh, if you don't look under your bed,
someone's going to kill you tonight." Something like that, that's really fun. -Can you explain how your
day might differ from someone who doesn't have OCD? -I have to be very adaptable day to day. Did you go check that door? Is there somebody in there? Did you check under each
bed to see if somebody is hiding to come and kill you? Stuff like that. Say if I'm planning, I want to watch
a movie at night, 5 times out of 10 that's not going to happen and
I'm not going to be able to enjoy doing things at night because I
know the symptoms going to happen. It really does derail day-to-day things. -A lot of my days really observing
what I'm resistant towards and trying to encourage myself to maneuver
towards it, rather than away from it. It's like a constant
trust fall with yourself. You just have to trust that
regardless of what happens. You're equipped to handle it. I think that kind of practice requires
constant challenging moving through and then realizing that you were
safe when you did those things. -Do you think that maybe more people
have some form of OCD than they may be aware due to the nature of Pure
O for example, which is a mostly invisible form of OCD consisting
of primarily intrusive thoughts without those visible compulsion? -Yes. 100%. I think a lot of people that
think they have it probably don't. A lot of people that are hard
on themselves and think they don't have it, probably do. It's severity changes. I have it worse than a lot
of people and a lot of people have it way worse than I do. -A lot of people don't even realize
that compulsion's can be mental. When you just start arguing back
and forth, trying to reassure yourself that can be a compulsion. I know because I've published articles
on OCD and I get incredible messages from people who just were stunned
and realized that they had OCD. That's one of the things that's so
interesting about OCD, is that like, there are so many different types,
which is exactly why people don't always realize they have it and why
clinicians aren't always awesome at diagnosing it because they don't always
realize that there could be that type. -Are there any potentially
dangerous aspects to having OCD? -Some people have this need to
shower all the time or use hand sanitizer, stuff like that. If you have diabetes or liver
disease or any type of skin diseases that can severely damage you. There's been horror stories of people
at hand-washing and also at Type 2 diabetes when her hand started rotting. These are some of the examples
were used to scare me into getting rid of my compulsion because
it's like, "Holy crap, in 30 years I could end up like that." -Hearing about these things that
have actually affected people negatively have helped you want
to get that help that you need. -Every day I would add on
two to three new compulsion's as small as they might be. Those three small ones turned
into a harsher one that's going to affect you more and it keeps going. You have to stop as early as you can,
even if they aren't effecting you. -I know a lot of people struggle
with suicidality who have OCD because of that shame and that
depression that can emerge. I think a lot of people can understand
why a sense of being trapped might cause someone to develop suicidal tendencies. That's the nature of the disorder
is to feel really trapped in these thoughts spirals. -It can become dangerous in
forms of how you cope to get those thoughts out of your head. The intrusive thoughts of like, "Oh,
what if I jumped off this staircase?" Then if you can't differentiate this
as an OCD thought, or if you don't have the words for it, what if that happens? I think lack of access to care
is a really-- It's the root of where the danger can happen. -When were you diagnosed and
how was your life since then? -I was diagnosed when I was 18 and
life, so good, so grateful for therapy. -Life became a little bit better. -A little bit, yes, it's
fantastic to see the least. It's still a thing that I suffer
with and I'm working with day to day, but I will say having a third
party there to both validate what's going on, like having the awareness
to say, "You don't have to suffer like this," has been really helpful. -Chain letters and things like
that have been super popular since the internet has existed. Saying things like, like this comment
within the next five seconds or everyone you love will spontaneously
combust at midnight or whatever. Do you think that these types of
posts that particularly had a heavy, emotional impact on people with OCD? -I grew up during like the
rise of the internet and so I experienced that a lot. It puts thoughts in people's
heads too, of another rumination. -Do you know if OCD is something
that you're born with or something that you developed? -It's definitely, it has a
strong genetic component. From the best research that we
have, we know that to be true and I think the obsessions that you
develop and the compulsion that you develop are really influenced by
cultural learnings environments, the society that you're in. -How do you feel when people say
things like, if you don't like thinking it or doing it, then just stop. -My initial response is, "Wow, you
must live a really wonderful life." -If you don't like it then stop. -Wow, I wish I had enough time to be
that much of an asshole, like great job. When people say that it shows again
what they're projecting from their own experiences with mental health. Secondly, it's like, that's
not what's happening. If you're experiencing it,
then it's real inherently. -Someone says that something that
you're feeling is invalid, they're basically saying that they have
no confidence in you as a person. They don't respect you because the
only way you could ever know that someone's feeling something is
by just taking their word for it. Pinkshield wants to know
how you feel when people who are just simply organized. Say, "Oh my God. I am so OCD." -Oh God, please stop. That's usually my
reaction is, please stop. It's also a really good chance
to actually educate people. I would rather me be the person who
has OCD and actually can give them a real life example and like humanize
the issue than have them just like run around and then have someone tell them
it's ignorant and not really be able to engage in a meaningful conversation, -Jaee Ponde wants to know if there
are any specific things or situations that seem to trigger your OCD or
affect you more than other situations. -Conviction was always a huge part of
my obsessions from a young age, they've been on and off throughout my life. For example, having the
convictions, but watching smash videos when you were seven- -Wait, what? Feeling horrible about doing it or what? -Well, I wasn't allowed. -Did you feel guilty? -Then I'd watch them the next
day because they were funny. -I feel so bad. -This is your fault. -Has having OCD affected
any of your relationships? -Yes. -Sounds like that's been fun. -It helps me narrow
down who's there for me. There's been like ghosting. People have just started treating me
as if like people need to be careful around me or like that I was dangerous. It sucks when that happens. It's super hurtful and it
definitely makes me hesitant when talking to new people. -Interestingly enough,
my partner also has OCD. -Does that make it easier
for them to understand? Does it like amplify it? -It actually makes it much easier
to understand because there's not necessarily a lot of overlap with our
obsessions and it's really easy to see someone else in the spiral and to
disrupt it or redirect them from it. It's a sense of comradery that we're
like battling with the same thing and can support each other in it. -If there's anyone watching who
feels that they might have OCD or maybe they're pretty sure they do
have it, but are afraid to talk to anyone about it because of the
negative stigma surrounding it. Is there anything that
you'd want to say to them? -There's definitely like support
groups out there for you. It's very hard to conceptualize
life outside of it, but there is. Just like your suffering happened
and you didn't know it would. There's the same amount of possibility
that you can have things better. -As much as your suffering caught you
off guard you feeling fulfilled and your ability to thrive in the future might
catch you off guard in the same way. -Absolutely and it does. -What do you think is the
biggest misconception about OCD? -It's a beneficial disorder. "Oh, well, it must be great that
you're so tidy or that you wash your hands so often or you must be a neat
freak, I wish I could be a neat freak." The whole reason why something is
classified as a mental disorder is that it impairs functioning and
causes distress in someone's life. There will never be in history, a mental
disorder where people point to it and they're like, "I wish I had that because
that would defeat the whole point." -Every compulsion has a cause
and so I think people really objectify OCD to be like, "Oh,
this thing tha kind of happened." -"Oh, that person just
wanted to clean up a lot." There's a reason why they're wanting to
do the things that just look harmless. -It's not just X, Y, and Z. I'm not just checking under my
bed because like, I felt a spider. -All right, you got five seconds to
shout out or promote anything you want directly in the camera, go. -Go check me out on YouTube, LukeOlafP
and shout out to my sister, Natalie. -Instagram, Twitter, and
Facebook @ SamDylanFinch. If you think you might be struggling
with OCD, ocdla.com, I'm not affiliated with them, but just really believe
in the work that they're doing. -You can find my art on my Instagram,
also, please donate to II Bulletin and Translifeline and SWOP SCLC. It'll be in the bio. -Subscribe, subscribe,
subscribe to Anthony Padilla. Just the master, very
competent and sensitive interviewing for mental health. -Thank you so much, Luke. I feel like I understand the
world of obsessive compulsive disorder just a little bit more. -Yes, no problem. It's my pleasure. -After spending the day with these
people with OCD, I've come to understand just how heavily this
disorder can affect every facet of one's daily life and how important
it is to be accepting and supportive because you never truly know what
may be occurring behind the scenes. See you later. Bye guys. -Make sure to press the like. [music] -Hello. Tazia. -Hello. -Thank you so much for coming on here. Oops, I just came on here
without my notepad or anything. I look like an asshole. All right, one more time. -You're okay? -I just look like I'm just holding my
phone, scrolling Twitter or something. All right, we're going to do it again. [laughs]
