[Narrator]<i>
Untamed, isolated wilderness...</i> <i> miles from civilization.</i> <i> Mistakes here
are punished mercilessly.</i> - [Fart]
- [Groaning] - Yo! Has someone farted?
- Hey, guys! [Laughter] - It's not too bad.
- Oh, it stinks! [Groans and laughter] -Well, at least it can't get
any worse than that. [Narrator]<i> Oh, yes, it can.</i> Oh, shit! [Narrator]<i> Since the dawn
of time,</i> <i>there have always been sidemen,</i> <i> Just as there have always been
plankton in the oceans,</i> <i> worms in the earth
and gnats in the sky.</i> <i> While our prehistoric
frontmen ancestors</i> <i> Gloried in the power
of their new magic, fire,</i> <i> As it devoured
the primeval night,</i> <i>The sidemen cowered in the cave
mouth a little further back,</i> <i> just there,
stuck in the shadows.</i> <i> As continents collided</i> <i> and great civilizations
rose and fell,</i> <i> sidemen endured by becoming
masters of those shadows,</i> <i> riding the coattails
of greatness</i> <i> a little off-center,
remaining on the side.</i> <i> Over the years, kings, queens,
pharaohs and presidents</i> <i> have all challenged sidemen
to rise up,</i> <i> to be all they can be,
to leave the shelter</i> <i> and step to the front.</i> <i> That forward leap
has never transpired.</i> <i> Until now.</i> <i> We bring you seven
extraordinary sidemen</i> <i> of our own time</i> <i> who are men of action,
destiny and courage.</i> <i> Men who dare
to step into the light.</i> <i> They will be raced, chased,</i> <i> blown up, battered
and bedraggled,</i> <i> through deserts and oceans,
over mountains and cities,</i> <i> with one aim:
to move to the front,</i> <i> to take center-stage!</i> <i> This is the Sidemen show.</i> [Alarm buzzes] - Guys! Guys, it's time! Come through, come through!
Sidemen assemble! - Come on, Harry,
come on! - I'm getting a seat.
That's what I'm doing. - Yeah. - Last spot on the sofa. - No, no, no!
- No! - Oh, my leg! - Guys, message. - 'Gentlemen.'
- It's Bear Grylls. <i> I lay down
this wilderness challenge.</i> <i> In your quest to step out
from the shadows,</i> <i> you gotta learn
how to survive in the wild</i> <i> and take on my elite,
high-octane training ground.</i> - We're gonna have to eat poo. <i> - Meet me there in six hours.
Bear out.</i> - I can just about
survive in my room. - He's Bear annoying.
- [Jeering] - Come on, boys, he said six
hours. - Let's go, let's go.
- Oh, my God! Go! - Go, go, go, go!
- This'll be good. - Are we sure we want to do
this? He is ex-S.A.S. - [Chatter]
- Jesus! - Go, go, go! <i> - Oh, my God, J.J.
I beg you. Stop farting.</i> <i> - Has anyone
been camping before?</i> - I have at a festival.
- That'll do. - That was fun.
- That really doesn't count. - Does that count?
- No. - What? Course it does,
I was camping! It's still camping.
I'm in a tent. - So, even if you didn't
count that as camping, you didn't succeed. - I...I shat in a bush. - Does anyone know
his actual name? - Bear.
- Who's gonna ask? - Shall not.
- Shall not.
- I'll ask. [Groaning] <i> - Are we here?
- I feel ill.</i> - Oh, Jesus.
- Get out. - Watch it.
- Get out! - I'm good, I'm good,
I'm good, I'm good. - Yeah. - No, I'm not ready! - Hold me up!
- I have no maps! - I have no mass! No mass!
- Oh, my God! <i> - Ethan, if you fall down,
just don't take us out.</i> - Bear. - Yo. Man...man wasn't
made for this jungle thing. Man's made a fire
and everything. - Well done, guys.
Come and gather round. Little bit of nervous laughter
is no bad thing. If you're not nervous,
you should be, because what you've got
ahead of you today is gonna be full on. We're gonna put you through
some basic survival training, and then we're gonna set you
loose on your own. Once I've given you
a decent head start, I'm gonna be fast on your tail. - Hey, what?
- I thought we were learning. - [Laughter]
- You will be learning. But you'll also be running. [Narrator]<i> The sidemen's
survival skills</i> <i> are about to be tested.</i> - If I catch you,
then there is retribution. Any questions? - Is your name actually Bear?
- [Laughter] - I have a couple of pet hates.
One of them is clean clothes. They have no story.
They have no history. We've got to think
like survivors, okay? The first thing we do
is get muddy. - [Shouting and laughter]
- No, fam. - Um...bless. Yo, this guy's not normal. - My face! My... [Laughter] - Harry's gone... - It's for your own growth, bro. Okay, you can drop. - Okay, great. - Your punishment is simple. Okay, good. The first thing
we're gonna do is a bit of fire. Fire is like your kids. If you look after them
when they're small, they'll look after you
when they're older, okay? This is what we're gonna use
as tinder, little bit of cotton wool, okay? So, we're gonna get
a bit of cotton wool. - Where would you find
cotton wool in the wild? - You've gotta use what's
around. So, for example,
let's say you're stranded, and you're out with your mum
or your girlfriend or someone, and your car breaks down and
suddenly you're in the forest, and you need to make fire. You've got a handbag and you're going, "Where are
we gonna find cotton wool?" What about a girl-only item? - Dildo.
- Yeah. Dildo. - The tampon.
Take out all of that kind of... Anyone ever stripped open
a tampon before? - All the time. - Okay, here we go.
This is a fire steel. The great thing about this, it'll work
even when it's raining. -<i> Oh, wow.</i>
- Okay? So, here we go. - That was really cool. - We're gonna drive it into
here. Three goes,
otherwise I'm gonna do it and then you're gonna have to
do it on your own a bit later. - [Bear] There's one.
- [Sideman] J.J., come on! - [Bear] There's two.
- [Sideman] Harder, harder! - [Sideman] Hard! - Okay, here we go.
So, look, what we're gonna... It's everything under pressure,
against the clock. The storm is coming.
You gotta get it. - He's gonna die.
- So, here we go. We put it in. - [Bear] And we drive the spark.
- [Sidemen] Go on! - Not bad. - [Bear] That's our tinder,
okay? Now, we wanna
get this stuff burning. I'm always gonna give you just
enough information to do it. I'm not gonna treat you
like kids and babies. You've gotta think
for yourself, innovate, be resourceful. You're gonna have two minutes.
Work in pairs. Get a fire going. - Please, mate,
you can do this. - Go on. Come on, Vik. Go on, Vik. Go on, Vik. Go on! Yes! - Don't kill it.
- I'm not killing it. - It's killing it.
We need more cotton wool! - I'm gonna steal their fire.
- Hey! - Oi!
- Yeah. - Help myself to their fire.
- Now he's killed it. - We got fire,
we got fire, we got fire! - That's it, there you go.
- Yeah. - Yes, here we go.
- Yes! I am an alpha male! - No, don't put it out. Oh... - What are the odds
you just stamp on their fire? - It's not lighting.
- I'll give you five. - Okay, three, two, one. - No, no, we got it. - [Laughter]
- No, no! - You Sidemen have done
something that 99.9%
of the population can't - and have never done.
- Really? So, already you're setting
yourselves apart, okay? Which is what this is
gonna be all about, doing something that
makes you a little bit... gives you an edge, okay? - [Sidemen laugh]
- Okay. - Yeah, that's cool. - Something you're gonna have to
learn later on is camouflage. - No! - Because when I come running
and hunting for you, if I find you, as I said,
there will be punishments so... - When did that become a thing?
- You gotta be well disguised. Next lesson, my favorite lesson. - River crossing. Come with me.
- [All] No! - [Bear] Three things
that I don't mess with. Saltwater crocodiles,
crevasses, and rivers like this. White water probably
kills more people than anything else in the wild. I use a stick. I lean into it.
I shuffle across. The trick is
to stay on your feet. Okay, first man, here we go.
The high-five and then back. - Go on, Behz. [Laughter] - That's disgusting! - [Bear] Never cross your feet.
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Good job. Well done, my friend. - Well done, Vik.
- You survived. Good job. - I love my office. I have
the best job in the world. This is good.
Come on. Here we go. - I'm too tall for this.
- [Bear] Hold the stick. Don't cross your feet.
Keep coming, keep coming. Okay, give me five.
Great job. Okay, next man. - Oh. - [Bear] That's it. Don't cross
your feet. That's it. Keep shuffling. Plant the stick.
Nice. All the way to me. - Oh, that is strong.
- Great job. Well done, my man. - This is mad wet.
- You see? Okay. Listen to your Sideman.
Listen to him. - What is in here?
- Strong. - Powerful current.
You're all experiencing it. - Okay, learn from this.
- I did. - Oh! Oh!
- Alright, Josh. - Don't cross your legs.
- That's what I did. - Good job. Shuffle your feet
across. Well done, my man. - Oh, it's all wet! - What did you expect?
- Why are we doing this? - I smashed it. - Hey!
- That's what I did. - Okay, good job. Give me five.
Great. You're done. - [Laughter]
- Oi, Harry, get up! - Okay, move downriver. - [Bear] Oh, my God! It's gonna be
a long day. It is now time for me
to set you loose. [Narrator]<i> Fear not, sidemen.</i> <i> Bear's left some gear out
that could be of use.</i> - So, remember, any means.
You've got to be resourceful. You've got half an hour
and then I'm fast on your tail. Do not get caught.
You ready? Let's go. Go, go, go, go! Come on, my man. Go, go, go. - [J.J] You're gonna
catch us anyway. - Come on!
- Your pants are falling down. - Hold up!
- We lost J.J. - Wait for J.J.
- I'm not waiting for him. - Screw J.J. Screw J. J.
- I'm not waiting. Go! <i> - Hey, come on!</i> - I don't want to do this. <i> - Run!</i> - Ow! - Come on! I will genuinely get him.
I'll get him. - Get him. Drag him. Drag him. - We're literally running
from a person called Bear. - He was looking very sexy
today. - Come on!
- Oh, Simon, please. Simon! - No! I don't wanna do this!
- I will take you there myself! - Aargh!
- Come on! <i> - [J.J] I'm not eating bugs!
- [Simon] Come on!</i> - If he catches us,
then we're screwed. I ain't drinking his piss
or anything. Like whoever stays there
is drinking his piss. - J.J. can drink the piss. - Yo, there's no way
I'm eating bugs. - Yeah, I'm not drinking any
piss. - I'm not getting paid
enough for this, man. - Wait. You're getting paid? - [J.J.] Simon, why are you
running so fast? - Come on, J.J. Keep up.
It's a sprint, not a marathon. - Whoo! - No, one sec. - [Bear]<i> Okay, Sidemen,
this is Bear.</i> Guys, remember the clock
is ticking. <i> You're gonna have
to start moving faster.</i> I'm hot on your tail
in about seven minutes. <i> Get moving. Move, move, move.
Do not get caught.</i> Bear out. - Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! - Oh, man. - Guys, I really need a shit. - [J.J.] Simon, do you know
where we're actually going? - [Simon] I have no idea, but
I'm not drinking piss so I'm
going. - Why are we following Simon? He has the worst
sense of direction. - Hey! My sense of direction
is not bad. - Oh, man, man.
- Guys! Guys! - Oh, no. - [Shouts]
- Oh, no. -Yeah.
- [Bear]<i> Rookie mistake.</i> <i> Some Bear retribution
coming for you.</i> - Simon, I love you.
- Guys. - J.J.
- I never liked you anyway. - We've been friends
for ten years, J.J.! Ten years, man! Ten years! - [J.J.] Mad team. Mad team. Mad team.
Mad team. Mad team. Okay, to all of you
remaining Sidemen who are still<i> on the run,
I'm coming for you.</i> <i> You can run</i>
but you can't hide, Sidemen! - Oh... Ew. Ew. Ha-ha-ha! No, lift me up again!
Lift me up! - Oi, boys, look what I got.
Look at this. - What?
- How is that gonna help, Vik? - It's portable camouflage,
mate. - You're literally an idiot.
Go, go! - Go away.
- Go. Just go. - No! No! I'm done with you! Why are
you trying to throw trees on me? - Hurry up. - Ethan, I don't want to
alarm you... There's a river. - Oh, no, no. - No.
- That is one fat river. - Bear's on us! Go! - Come on, boys. - Bear's on us! Go, go!
- I saw him running. - He's on us! Run! - Oh, my God! - Hey!
- I'm stuck! - Get out!
- I'm stuck! Go without me! - He's on us! Go! - Oh!
- I'm absolutely knackered. [Groans and laughter] - [Bleep] the forest! - I hate this. - You're gonna hurt
yourself man, I swear.
- I hate this so much. - Can you hurry up with
that fire? I'm freezing. - Guys. Guys. It's Bear. - Let's just take him down
then get the hell out of here. - Right, Josh, you go for him.
Behz, get a weapon. - Let's go, let's go.
Go, go. - Got him! - It's a manikin!
- Manikin? [Groans] - No, no, no, it's a manikin! It's a manikin! - It's a manikin?
- Yeah. - Aargh! Run!
- Oh! - Guys! Aargh! Aargh! - Okay.
- We are Sidemen. We are strong. - Seriously, what went wrong?
- We are Sidemen. - We are strong.
- Okay, sit down here. Backs to the tree.
Back, back, back. Down. - This is humiliating.
- [Groans] - Oi! Alright, wait,
I've got a stick up my back. There's a stick up my back.
Help! God! Get the stick
out of my back, Bear! - I tell you what, eh?
The stick in your back, that's gonna be the least
of your problems. Okay, don't move.
I'll be back with the others. - That looks so uncomfortable.
I can't do any... - Use your mouth. Do it. Come
on. - I can get it.
- Okay. - One more, one more.
- Wait. - You're eating the tree.
This is... - Aargh!
- He's got it! - This reminds me of the bondage
session with your mum, Vik. - Look at these. Look at these. - Oh, my God.
Are these mini-tanks? <i> - Mini-tanks?</i> <i> And there's seven of them.
How convenient.</i> I mean, he did say
any means necessary. - Any means. - Any means. - I've got a plan. Come this
way. - Yo, yo, yo. Let's stop for
a bit, please. Please, please. - Yo.
- Yeah, that's good, bro. - Oh... - Oh.
- Oh, my ass is so wet. - That makes two of us, but
at least we're still on the run. - Fam, I can't believe
that he got Simon. - If we don't stay together, that's gonna happen to us
so just don't run. Yeah? - You know I'll never
leave you, bro. - That sounds like a cheesy line
from an action movie. - Alright... Bro.
- No! - [Bear] Good night.
- Uh! No! Please! Fam! No! No! Shit! Oh, man! Did you really
need to do that? - Aargh, my wrist! Aargh!
- You shouldn't have got caught. - Sideman] Hey!
Tobi finally got in the sack! - Oh, come on! - Five of the seven
of you caught, but I did warn you
there would be punishment. - Prepare yourselves.
- Wait, wait! What is it? - [Sidemen] No, no, no!
- Okay, so... - I'm actually allergic.
I'm allergic to living things. - We got some great maggots. We got some, uh...
some grasshoppers. Look at these guys. - Is that alive?
- Is that one dead? [All groan] - No, these are good. Don't worry.
You're gonna get your chance. I know you want them.
You can just have a few. - No, no, no! Fam,
that's not gonna happen! - Okay, so each of you...
- No! Fam! ...is gonna have to eat
a whole handful of these like straight down. - Don't worry. It gets better.
- Oh, my God. - When you have something to
eat, you always have to have something to wash it
down with... - [J.J.] No, no, no! - ...and I was thinking,
in the wild, there's nothing better
than fresh urine. - Oh! No.
- No, no, no, no. - Please tell me he's joking. - [Whispers] Guys.
- Help, help, help, help, help,
help, help. - [Whispers] We're getting you
out of here. - Get us out of here.
- Yeah. - Ethan, I'll love you forever.
I'll love you forever. [Urinates] - Come on. Go.
- I'm trying! - Loop it round.
You have to loop it round. [Muttering and giggling] - [Bear] Oh, Sidemen,
you're gonna love this! And there's plenty in the tap. - Run, run, run.
Run, run, run. - Mini-tanks?
You know this is actually mad. - That's exactly what I said,
Tobi. - Guys, let's go Bear-hunting. - [Bear] Every little drop
helps. You're gonna love it. Okay. Fresh. Right out of the tap. - Yeah! Come on! - Bear Grylls?
More like Pussy Grylls. - Where's he gone?
- I can't see him anywhere. - Hang on. What's that? [Rumbling engine noise] - Fam. What is that? - No idea.
Whatever it is, it is big. -<i> Is he alright?</i> -<i> No, he's not alright.</i> - Oh, my God...
- What? - Oh, no! - I don't need that shit
any more, boys. - You still stink of shit! - Okay, well done, Sidemen. Good job. I'm pretty impressed
with your ingenuity. I like that. I encourage it. This has given you
one last chance. If you can hit me more times
than I can hit you, then you get to go home without the bellyful
of maggots and urine. - Oh boys, we are [Bleep]. - Prepare for a splattering,
Sidemen. - Fam! Bear Grylls is
an absolute... - [Groans]
- Oh, my God! - Spread out! [Shrieks] [Shrieks] - 'Take that, Sidemen.'
- Get out of the way! - Oh! - Shit! - I'm getting pelted. Someone
else shoot him for [bleep] sake! - Oh, shit! [Shrieks] - Run! - This is terrifying!
Why are we fighting a tank? - We're getting abused here,
boys. We need a plan. - I don't know. Run away? [Shrieks] - [Bear] Man, you scream
like babies, Sidemen. - Guys, what the hell? this
isn't working. What are we gonna
do? - Guys, we're outnumbering him
seven to one. You guys split up
and we'll flank him. Let's defeat the bear! [Whoops] - Eat paint, Bear! - That's more like it.
Yeah, I got him. Yeah, I've hit him. - Ha-ha-ha-ha! I hit him in the
ribs! - Yeah! Whoo! - J.J.'s hit him. - We've got him on the ropes.
Keep shooting. - Aargh! [Whooping] - He's gonna be washing paint
out of his ass for days. - How do you like your tank's
new paint job, Bear? - [Bear] Retreat! Retreat!
Retreat! [Sidemen Cheering] - [Bear] Okay, nice.
They've taken the bait. Time to re-engage. - Yeah!
- Who's Bear Grylls? - Wait, what?
- Wait. - Oh, no.
- Oh, shit. - Payback is always painful. - [Groaning]
- Shit. - Yo. I went deaf for about
five seconds just then. - Sorry.
- I don't feel like we won. - We haven't won.
- Not won at all. <i> - Oi, where's Bear gone?</i> - [Bear] Sidemen, good job.
You survived in the wild, just. But evade you did not. And so this time
you remain in the shadows. I'm out of here. Hey yo, Sidemens... How are we getting home, then? - Sidemen, you have to help me. I've been kidnapped
by my evil twin sister. She's hacked your computers and stolen all your
embarrassing photos and she's gonna upload them
in three hours! Save me and your reputations. - Ibiza?
- We're going to Ibiza! Yeah! - Welcome, Sidemen. - Hurry up!
- I'm going as fast as I can! - Jump!
- Nicole! - I'm coming for the ass! - Does it work? Are you scared? - Yeah. - Nicole?
- It's...it's a doll. - It's a doll? Okay. Hmm...
