How to Upgrade Your Mindset in 46 Minutes | John Assaraf on Impact Theory

everyone thanks for tuning in to this episode which is sponsored by our friends at Skillshare enjoy none of my mentors ever had me focus on perfection let me focus on progress too just keep getting better little incremental gains every day every week every month every quarter and even when you move backwards a couple of steps what's the progress that you made in what you learned so I was taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and I was also taught to disassociate me being a failure [Music] [Music] hey everybody welcome to impact theory our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams all right today's guest is a wildly successful serial entrepreneur who has built five multi-million dollar companies including one that generated over four billion dollars in revenue he's also the multiple time New York Times bestselling author of the answer and having it all and he has widely considered one of the leading behavioral and mindset experts in the world and part of what makes him so extraordinary is that he has had a just crazy string of successes in multiple industries across absurdly divergent product lines his areas of expertise range all the way from real estate and Internet software to brain research and business consulting this broad spectrum acumen has seen him featured in eight movies including quest for success with Richard Branson and the Dalai Lama and the global phenomenon the secret he is also a much sought after coach and speaker who's been featured in the New York Times The Wall Street Journal and on CNN and additionally he's been interviewed in mind for his priceless insights by such high profile interviewers as Larry King Ellen and Anderson Cooper he's not one to sit back on his laurels and retire however so despite the kind of repeated success that eludes all but even the most die-hard entrepreneurs he's launched yet another new company this one called neuro gym that aims to use the most advanced technologies and evidence braced brain training methods to help people unleash their fullest potential so please help me in welcoming the man whose latest book inner size is poised to unlock your brains hidden power the brain whisperer himself John Assaraf absolutely it's good to have you on oh it's so good to be here dude I want to dive right into the brain training so it was makes total sense to me now as an entrepreneur why you would be so into like brain research and brain science and all that but I don't know that it's the most self-evident thing to the outside world why did you start there well I didn't start there what happened for me personally when I was a team between ages 13 to 17 I got into enormous amount of trouble with the law I did a lot of unethical things and I was getting myself into so much trouble and I had one mentor that my brother introduced me to his name was Alan Brown he was a very successful philanthropist entrepreneur and he agreed to meet with me for lunch one day and he asked me like why are you doing these things you seem like a nice young kid and I said I don't know I just want to make some money and I just want to fit in he goes but you seem like you're intelligent why don't you just use your brains natural abilities I go listen based on my education and based on what the teachers have told me I'm not gonna do very well in life and I left high school in grade 11 thinking that I'm not worthy enough I'm not smart enough I'm not good enough and this one man in one minute in one meeting changed my life because he asked me what goals do you have and I said what do you mean what goals do I have I said I want to you know go out this weekend to the bar I want to have some good food I want to find a nice young lady and maybe hook up with and he says no no what are your bigger goals and I didn't have any so he actually sent me home he said fill out these pieces of paper and on the piece of paper it said like what age do you want to retire by like I was 19 this was May of 1980 I wasn't even started yet I said but just fill out fill out these papers so I said I want to retire by the time at 45 with three million dollars I want to have a Mercedes I want to have a house I want to travel the world I want to have a great lifestyle and so I came back on Monday and he looked at it and he asked me one question and that question transformed my life and he said are you interested in achieving these goals or are you committed and I stopped and I looked at he was standing up I was sitting on my desk there at his office and I asked him mr. Brown I said what's the difference and he said if you're interested you'll do it's convenient you'll come up with stories and excuses and reasons why you can't and you'll use your education as an excuse you'll use your stories excuse you'll use the factory it follows a cabdriver and was a gambler and never had any money you'll use all of that as your reasons why you can't he says but if you're committed you will do whatever it takes you'll let go of your stories you'll let go of your excuses you'll let go of all the reasons you currently have that are formulating your identity of yourself and you'll learn how to let that go and become who you are destined to become why'd you listen to him like that's such extraordinary advice which I would have promptly ignored well I had been in so many situations where I was so embarrassed and ashamed for myself and for my mother and father and here was a man who was kind generous caring empathetic he didn't talk down to me he lifted me up but then he also said I can show you how if you are committed I can show you how and I had nothing to lose at that point talk to me about that shame that's really interesting and you talked about growing into being able to talk about stuff very openly so what was the source of the shame how did it play out for you so the first source of shame when I was five I moved from Israel where I was born to Montreal and I just started kindergarten in Israel and then I was thrown into a class with 50 kids in Montreal in grade one I didn't speak English or French and so I felt stupid I felt like i sat there you know looking up at the ceilings bugging the other kids and was consistently reprimanded consistently put in the principal's office and then I was consistently you know brought you know to my knees with my parents my father was physically abusive which you know is challenged in itself as words weren't a way you know that he communicated hands and feet were his way of communicating and so when I did the wrong things that's was the punishment and so I felt embarrassed that I wasn't smart enough that I wasn't good enough that I wasn't gonna amount to much and back then school was you know my parents were trying to say go to school do well that's your your way out of you know where we were living that's your way out of this life that we're having which wasn't a bad life we had food on the table we had a roof over our heads I bet there was always a struggle and mr. Brown offered me some hope it really amounted to that he offered me gentle kind love and hope without embarrassing me shaming me or making me feel guilty what was it that he said that read to you is hope at that point it was his demeanor of how kind he was he was extremely successful real estate offices real estate buildings a wife Laurie children just kindness you know just raw kindness there was nothing for him to gain from helping me he didn't know me but he just was kind and and there was one of the first times that there wasn't a hidden agenda or somebody just you know putting me down for being a degrading human being or degraded human being and he made me promise that if I took what he taught me I teach it to others that you've become this really extraordinary example of rewriting your story how did you get out from under the story that you would have had to have been forming if your father was abusive because now I know that you guys you're in in very regular communication yeah so I just turned 88 where we yeah it's amazing so some I forgave him 50 years ago what did that process look like I know a lot of people are watching this right now they are stuck in a story man like something happened to them as kids or whatever is happening them now they don't know how to get out from under that story and could never conceive of having a beautiful relationship you know that that they've sort of re-explore dand reimagined yeah when I was in my 20s one of the things that Allan put me on a path to was personal development you know read a book a month go to events listen to cassette tapes back then of motivational stuff for motivation for inspiration for strategies for tactics of what to do to lift raise your your level of skill and knowledge so I went to this event and I brought up this this challenge that I had with my father and the instructor said like when are you gonna forgive him I said never I'm never gonna forgive him [ __ ] that forgive him there's so much pain and the instructor said well if you're never gonna forgive him then you're the one taking the poison pill hoping he's gonna die or he's gonna be affected he says you don't forgive him for him you forgive him so you can move on I was like aha number one and then he said why don't you ask your father why he did it Oh like why did why was he like that and so when I mustered up enough courage on the phone with my father I said dad like how come you even ever said I love you says well my father never said he loved me that's not what a man says but you saved to my sister it says well that's okay to say to a girl or a tall woman said why did you hit me so much why did you says cuz you were being a bad boy I said but why didn't you talk to me like why didn't you just talk and he says well cuz my father hit me too though I had to put you in your place I had to teach you the right way to stop the behavior and it was at that moment that I realized he just didn't know better he that's what he learned was the process to try and help me so he's not a malicious human being he's a kind loving caring man but he was taught to get compliance hit so the pain will cause you not to do it again and in theory okay I understand the brain signs today it does work in some cases but especially with with children even adults the physical and mental and emotional trauma that's created when somebody who loves you also inflict so much pain - there's confusion the neural network in the brain so I love this person my mother and my father my best friend whatever and then there's so much pain associated now we have these patterns in our brains of this love and [ __ ] hate love and pain and it's very very confusing but after this dialogue with him I started to tell him I love you and it took three years I used to call him every week I started telling him I love you dad hang up I love you dad hang up I love you dad hang up then one set one day he says to me I love you too boy and then he has never not said I love you to me my brother or my sister since then Wow that's really extraordinary yeah what was the mechanism you're so good at like getting to the just raw how I pull this off I know you use vision boards which I definitely want to talk about accomplished boards which i think is really extraordinary and I had never heard that before and I think that's really really awesome Pazuzu what board crap crap you get to the crap board I hear about that we're using the crap board to like reframe the story like how come I did the crack board didn't come until last couple of years let me come back to the Alan brown story when I came back that following couple of days with my goals and he asked me committed or interested I said I'm committed shook my hand he then put me through real estate school for five weeks I graduated from real estate school May 20th 1980 and the only reason those dates are engrained in my brain I passed the real-estate test on my own without cheating well so that was step one when I came back to the office he had the forms that I'd filled out he says great sit down so I want you to read every one of them every morning that you come in the office at 7:30 and I want you to run your fingers across them with these the goals of the blows are the goals the goals that I had so he had me write my vision for health wealth relationships career business finances charity fun experiences everything every year of my life you had these documents is I want you to read them every day and you're gonna do with why you come into the office so that I know that you've done them and I want to want you to run your fingers across them as you're reading them and then when you're finished one paragraph close your eyes and I want you to feel what would it be like if that was true so you got me to see it to touch it to close my eyes and visualize it and to feel it so at the time he didn't understand what he was really doing but he was causing me to create new neural patterns in my brain that did not exist before the only success that I'd ever really seen was on lifestyles of the rich and famous I said one day I want a life like that and and so every single day for a year I had to do that and it only took ten or fifteen minutes and there was also beliefs you talked about what else was in there he also asked me to write down what would you have to believe about yourself in order to achieve those goals so I'd have to believe I'm smart enough but I don't because I don't want to know what you don't he says what would you have to believe it well I have to believe I'm smart enough I'd have to believe I'm deserving enough I'd have to believe I'm worthy enough I'd have to believe I'm capable of doing this I'd have to believe these things I wrote wrote out a bunch of things and he added a few more it says great now I want you to record those things and on your way to work and on your drive to look at real estate homes with 19 getting to real estate you listen to those over and over and over and over and over again until you can recite every single one of them so he taught me the power of repetition he taught me the power of looking at stuff touching stuff feeling stuff seeing stuff hearing stuff memorizing stuff and at the time I was 19 I said I mean I felt this was [ __ ] ludicrous to me right this is like what the hell am I doing here is like there's like there's nuts but that first year at 19 I made like 30 some odd thousand dollars which was five grand more than my dad made as a cab driver so I said something's working I just kept doing it I was too afraid not to so I kept doing it in the second year I made one hundred and fifty one thousand dollars so five times now in the second year he started upgrading my knowledge and skills more so he started to say okay instead of doing this now now you're you've graduated to doing this and he taught me some upgraded skills and so the combination of training my brain at a young age with beliefs that I wanted to have he taught me the right habits to have daily rituals you know for goal achievement versus goal-setting that's interesting right so he said everybody sets goals either they write them down or they don't they have them in their head I'm gonna teach you how to achieve goals it's really interesting coming from the guy that was in the secret and I love what you've talked about the difference between the law of attraction and the law of Goya oh yeah yeah so what talk to us about that so the law of Goya is simply get off your ass so if you if you if you if you think and you believe and you emotional eyes you visualize and you create your plan for how am I actually going to achieve this so what do I need to do when am I gonna do it how specifically how am I gonna tweak it measure it and iterate it so that I'm consistently making progress I learnt the value of progress versus perfection none of my mentors ever had me focus on perfection let me focus on progress to just keep getting better little incremental gains every day every week every month every quarter and even when you move backwards a couple of steps what's the progress that you made in what you learned so I was taught that failure is an opportunity to learn and I was also taught to disassociate me being a failure from failing for sure I want to go back to what you're talking about with beliefs and you said this was so cool you were talking about how you wrote down these beliefs and you were reading them over and you were doing what you're told you're running your finger across are you really allowing yourself to feel it imagine it and your brain was screaming something at you my brain was screaming that's [ __ ] that's not true you're not successful you're not earning that amount of money you're not smart you're not this but I was also taught at the same time that when that happens first and foremost that's normal that's the old self and the old patterns trying to fight for their life and he said with repetition and emotion and consistency initially it's hard and you have to use conscious effort to create the new beliefs he says but over 30 days 60 days 90 days 180 days that new pattern that you're focusing on and paying attention to your brain basically says well I guess you really don't need those old patterns you keep activating these new ones let's just make these ones work and let's make these real but I want to understand what happened and and with the even the law of attraction you know the I was taught the law of attraction you know as 23 24 years old also at a real-estate conference they're talking about this law of attraction thing that there's this energy everything's made up of energy I am energy you are energy and my thoughts you know create this resonance between what I attract and what I don't like oh good I like that [ __ ] you know I want to attract more of the good stuff right and so I I bought in like I bought into stuff that just made sense to me but then I was a voracious student I want to understand how I explain to me how it works like if somebody tells me visualize I go why like how does it work like you asked me to visualize like why does it work like why should I invest my time on that versus something else if you're asking me to use affirmations like how specifically why how does it work if you're asking me to emotional eyes well what's happening in me the time I need to create these false senses of feelings I want to know why it works and why it doesn't work especially emotionalizing I think that's something that people hear a lot I talk a lot about embodying something really feeling it yeah but why does it work great question it has to do with circuits in the brain and neuro chemicals that are released and so when we feel something chances are that we're gonna release dopamine in the brain the feel-good neurochemical that activates the reward the brain and chance are if we feel that and we have this positive emotion around it and that neural chemistry is flooding our brain in our body with feel-good chemicals we're actually activating the motivational center of the brain and so when we visualize when we set a goal when we take an action step when we emotional eyes when we read our goals the initial flood of neuro chemicals dopamine serotonin feel-good chemicals and then if we share it with a friend oxytocin those three neuro chemicals those are the neuro chemicals of goal achievement but then there's the other side of it the other circuits of fear of stress where norepinephrine cortisol or epinephrine the stress hormones can be released as well and so I'm fascinated and I want to teach people the stuff that we've learned about beliefs self esteem self worth fears and the stuff that really holds people back because all the how to how to get healthy and stay healthy we know how do I build a business and sustain it we know how do I get into a relationship and make it success we know we know most of the how-to for anything that anybody wants to do in this time frame that we live in so the how-to is the easiest part of the equation so the harder part of the equation is why am I not doing the things that I know I should be doing and why am I not doing the things that I could find out easily how to do let's talk about that so and your real estate company you said I'm giving everyone the same training to reading all of the same books and yet they're not getting the same results and it wasn't like oh well the smart people are doing better than the dumb people you said sometimes it was people that you were like God in real life this guy's not that bright but he's crushed mushroom so what ended up being the difference between the people who didn't do anything with the information and those that did so in this is going back sometimes I think in 1992 we were stuck but I knew there was more possibility there was there was room for growth and I wanted to figure out if the stuff that I did in the 80s when I was a kid you know that broke free would it work with some of my agents and so we took seven five agents randomly agent said hey do you want to get into a six-month program to like retrain your brain your subconscious brain around your beliefs about what it's possible for you to achieve around your habits of what you have to do in order to achieve that and we focused on retraining their subconscious mind and so for six months they had to go through a process of listening to certain audio tapes reading reading certain materials every day and following the process of training their brain specifically their subconscious brain which controls ninety five to ninety percent of all of our thoughts emotions and behaviors today and within six months that group increased sales by one hundred million dollars Jesus 100 million dollars I said holy [ __ ] right this is working and so we started to teach some of what we teach now energy I'm actually now we have the technologies we have the systems that are far better than what we did back in the 90s and we went from 1.2 billion to 4.5 billion a year and it wasn't because we taught them any more skills to be real estate agents we taught them how to change the way they thought about themselves we taught them how to change their habits our agents who made $750,000 or more we're in front of a client 75% of the time and we asked all the agents that weren't in front of more clients like why are you doing that like why aren't you in front of people that are gonna help you earn more income oh we were busy doing this and doing this and doing this and they had stories and excuses and reasons why and so part of the work that I love to do now is is really help people understand what is your story like what's the story you're telling so because we all have a story we have a money story a relationship story a health story up we have a story for everything and then that story keeps recreating our lives over and over and over again and we have beliefs that support the story we have habits that support the store we have people that support the store we have systems that support our story and so my question I always ask people who would you be with a different story talk to me about setpoints that was something really interesting in what you talk about around the stories and things that we carry that found really interesting sure so maxwell maltz wrote a great book many many years ago in the probably the 70s called psycho cybernetics right and maxwell maltz was a surgeon who performed surgery on people and what he notices even after plastic surgery they performed on people some people didn't see any change in their faces and it was visible to everybody else but not to them because they had a map of what they thought they look like yes okay so we all have a map of reality we have a map of what we think we look like and any deviation on the physical level to that map to that visual representation we have in our brains that doesn't match the map your brain deletes or distorts it so when we were working with real estates or when I work with business owners in addition to upgrading knowledge and skills if you think about how let's say income we have set points or how much income we earn so whether it's ten thousand a year or 20 or 50 or 100 or a million doesn't matter we get this set point and then we behave the way we need to behave and we feel what we need to feel to earn that income and over a period of time it becomes part of the brains default mode Network so we develop set points for everything and so if the set points in the brain and there's a psycho cybernetics mechanism in the brain a control and response mechanism in the brain and it's our brain why not learn how to reset the set point and so now we're looking at what technologies are available to help reset that what evidence-based methods are there to set that or to reset that and so when we take let's say visualization right and you start to see yourself even if the pictures not clear in your mind of achieving the next level of your success whether it's releasing weight and keeping it off getting into a relationship that you love and are happy and whether it's to make two or three or five times more money and live a certain type of lifestyle that allows you to do the things that freedom with having money allows you to do if you start in your mind first and you impress that through conscious efforts into the subconscious mind it then causes thoughts and emotions and behaviors so I like to work from the outside in and from the inside out so use both I want every advantage it's interesting so I've heard you now a few times and the first few times it didn't really make my radar but you always say release weight you never say lose weight yeah what do you do when you lose something look for it yeah I don't want to look for weight that I've lost I want to release it I like to use language patterns as well that are gonna empower me versus disempower me self-talk is so critical and so I'm consistently paying attention to how am i speaking to myself am i speaking to myself in a kind motivating empathetic compassionate way or am i consistently self-deprecating and putting myself down I used to think a lot of like you when I was younger I'm not good enough I'm not smart enough or not worthy those thoughts and you know lots of fear if you're being embarrassed if you're a failure fear being ashamed and I still have the thoughts everyone so especially when I'm setting new goals those come up holy mackerel they come up so freaking fast are you smart enough to achieve that are you good enough to achieve that even when I got into really diving deep into the brain science and even my new book I had I was petrified to release my book it took me two years to write it because now I'm entering another whole domain of neuroscience and neuro psychology with world-renowned experts that I've worked with for years but now Here I am putting myself out there with hey this is neuro scientifically correct so I had to make sure that it was and but there's a lot of fear but I understand what the emotion of fear is it's a subconscious trigger that causes this feeling that I don't like and it's a ghost signal for me not a stop signal for me that's interesting what do you mean by that well fear is an emotion emotions are all triggered at the subconscious level they released neuro chemicals that causes a feeling we are consciously aware of feelings that are triggered at the subconscious level the feeling is the endpoint of the human experience in the physical body and so when you have something in your brain that that neural network says well what if this book comes out and you failed what if it's not good enough what is scientifically not correct what if what if what if my brain is gonna process that the same way as your brain and everybody else would because that's everybody's brains the same the mechanism of how the brain works it's einstein's brain Hitler's brain Genghis Khan's brain Thom Billy's brain John Sr it all the same functionality so if you understand the mechanics of what's supposed to happen then you say okay great when I feel this then what am I going to do so I like to use an analogy of a car and you're driving a car and you're talking to a friend of yours and a light pops up on the dash you don't take a hammer and hit a light it's a signal something's happening in the in the in the engine in the trunk in the in the tire something's happening emotions and feelings aren't positive or negative they're empowering or disempowering to varying degrees if you don't understand them and so if you think about fear right how does a firefighter go into a burning building when there's this enormous adrenaline and an epinephrine you know that could stop most people dead in their tracks they learn here's the feeling it's normal do you have the knowledge and the skills and the preparation to deal with this in a safe way go if you don't now you retreat so we have this phenomenal brain right it's it's it's genius abilities we can't figure out how to replicate it anywhere with billions of dollars but we aren't getting some of the users manual now so when you feel fear what should you do I teach the first two inner sizes that I teach every one of our students number one is called take six calm the circuits so if you have this unpleasant anxious fearful emotion energy in motion right and it's unpleasant and the brakes have gone on if you just take six deep breaths in through your nose out through your mouth like you're breathing through a straw you will deactivate the stress response Center which means blood is gonna go back to the left prefrontal cortex the Einstein part of the brain can actually think through this problem because what happens when the stress response Center is activated blood goes away from that into the fear response so you have epinephrine cortisol adrenaline to be able to get you out of this situation it's part of our instinctual brain part of the reptilian brain the first part of the brain that was developed was that then the mammalian brain the limbic system then the neocortex the thinking brain so when our brain has this signal of oh my god you might get hurt you might lose this you might get in trouble you might be embarrassed ashamed ridicule judged etc that part of the brain is gonna get activated so if you take six deep breaths first calm down calm the circuits first then do inner sighs number two is called AIA AIA the first day is for awareness what am I thinking right now what am I feeling right now what am i sensing right now what is my behavior right now do you thoughts feeling sensations awareness of behavior what's my intention right now that's the eye well my intention is to move forward I want to do this great what's one very small action step that you can take now the reason you want to take one small action step is one small action step your brain can handle if it's one small step towards it the threat response goes away but if you focus on the endgame right away you're gonna get that rush in that instant trigger of the fear response stress response so the first thing you want to do is learn how to manage your mindset and what you focus on learn how to manage your emotions because they drive your behavior more than anything else because we move away from pain and we move towards pleasure but we move away from pain a thousand times faster and pain wires in the brain faster for survival mechanism so purely from a neuroscience perspective just understand himself once you understand ok this feeling is normal okay what should I do take six calmness circuits hyah and now you can start being progressive and make progress towards what you want now while you're in the you know in the what am I thinking feeling it's a chance to be aware and the biggest gift we have as human beings is our awareness because awareness is what gives you choice and choice is what gives you freedom most people are living their lives in the reactive state automatic reactive State because of these set points that we talked to start talking about so we're in this repetitive cycle over and over and over normally react to the same things we behave the same way we eat the same foods we dress the same way just to maintain that homeostasis and comfort zones and we've never been taught like we're we taught it as kids like here are your six core emotions here's the way you deactivate you know your stress sender or fear so here's how you activate your imagination center here's how you have more focus here's how you develop a new belief here's how you develop a new habit here's how you release one we haven't been taught that we've been told they're important things but we haven't been given the tools and then we haven't practiced the tools enough to be able to make them part of our unconscious competence brain so how do you do some of those things I mean that was a pretty extraordinary list and I'll say beliefs releasing beliefs habits releasing habits like that is really and so what is a belief I mean think about what is a belief and let's go to again I like to just like to go to the neuroscience fields cuz just my passion now is a belief is nothing more than a group of cells that have been connected and then reinforced and we have two types of beliefs we have beliefs that what are the fast I'm going to stop you there because that's so important yeah and so different than I would have expected I think when people hear belief it is believed in something that is true which did not enter into your definition No we believe whatever we believe is truth for us but it's not the truth that's really interesting right but we have been conditioned if we go back a little bit to what we talked about earlier about you know when you were a baby when you were born what the leaf did you have zero goose egg zero not one and so you learned what to believe and how to even formulate your beliefs chances are from parents teachers brothers sisters television maybe when you read some books right and we behave based on what we believe so we might be behaving our lives away based on false or inaccurate or disempowering beliefs so if a belief is a neural pattern in the brain then we probably have some good ones empowering ones useful ones and chances are we have some that are not useful not empowering and not worthy of the geniuses that we all are so the question is is it possible for me to develop new beliefs that I don't believe right now the answer is yeah yes what's that process look like so the process is you can read new beliefs to life and so if you listen to beliefs that are empowering over and over and over again and you emotionalize them and you visualize yourself actually acting out those beliefs and you learn how to pay attention to that little inner critic that says that's [ __ ] that's not true that'll never come true that's not you if you learn and you remember that that little voice is there to consistently keep you in this homeostatic place as there to protect the beliefs that are there now the latest research shows that to develop you know a new pattern takes between 66 days and 365 days how do you help people be consistent long enough to form that like when people talk about oh it takes 28 days to form a new habits okay I get my head around that but when you start talking about hundred days 365 days it gets pretty daunting for adults yeah it does so you have to use intrinsic and extrinsic motivation so you have to start everybody off well why is it important for you to be able to develop these new beliefs like what will your life be like if you had them right now what would your family life be like you have to give them a benefit that's greater than the switch cost that's interesting right so the switch cost is something that our brain resists the only human that likes change is a wet baby every other human being is resistant to it because safety first and homeostasis and energy conservation so we are biologically wired not to want it to change so we have to deliberately coax the brain into motivational reasons emotional reasons you have to have intrinsic reasons of why must you do this and so you can use pain as a frame as well as the if you don't then are you okay with your life being like this at this age in five years in ten years and 20 years and if you're okay with that and you're not a candidate for change but if you're committed to letting go of the old so you can create the new and you create motivations every day that's where the power is remember earlier progress not perfection so anybody can do one minute or ten seconds so if you can start to formulate a habit a daily habit a weekly habit it doesn't matter how long it is if you can create that space in your brain that on this day at this time this is what I do and you do that repeatedly that becomes a habit and it takes those 66 days or so for a simple habit that you have to consciously do to then the habit doing you and that's why they say we are all creatures of habit because habits run theirs themselves their subconscious programs just run themselves most people don't take the time to become aware what are my powering habits what are my disempowering habits and then the next question is well how do I release this one and how do I strengthen this one or create a whole new one and what we're looking to do is build empowering habits that then run run their course I love that all right one thing I'd be remiss not to ask you about before we go are the three boards so vision boards accomplished boards and the one I don't know how to graph boards so crack board so vision board for seeing what you want the accomplished board for reminding yourself that you've got a lot to that you've accomplished so you feel good and the crap do you actually put up images of things you've accomplished uh-huh yeah yeah I haven't in my closet in my home encased on the floor like on the floor so that you don't look at them so you don't look at notes I look at just just because I I sit down to put of my shoes I want to look at them every day interesting on my I have have this ritual as well I do something called brush and Prime so on my bathroom mirror I have my goals that are on my mirror so that as I'm brushing my teeth I'm priming my brain to see my goals in front of me every morning and every night I love that right so that's priming your brain which is a whole other topic we can have and then the accomplishment boards reminds me whenever I look at the stuff that I've accomplished I go that wasn't easy okay there's a lot of ups downs highs lows failures you know times I thought I'd quit and I didn't so it's to remind me to go through the times that I don't think I'm gonna be able to achieve those things and then the crap board stands for conflict resistance accomplishments and procrastination so what conflicts are happening right now that I need to resolve what resistance is in my way is what are my resistance what in front of me is resisting right now and then accomplishment as well as to remind you that you can get through stuff and then procrastination is what's causing me to procrastinate so if you create a crack board as well you have that in front of you and then you can create a game plan for what am I gonna do about it what am I gonna do about the conflicts what would you put on a board for conflict is it charmers it could be a person that you're having conflict with it could be something you're trying to figure out that's conflicting whether it's in your company a department whether you having conflicting thoughts if should you do it shouldn't you and there's uncertainty any conflicts that you are experiencing is gonna create neural dissonance in your brains just going to create chaos in your brain and so if you take it out of your head and you put it on a sheet of paper you can look at it and now you're one step removed from what's happening in your brain and so the more you can be in coherence it's the equivalent of being part of a band that's in harmony that every player's just oh man this just sounds so good well the more you can be in coherence the more you're gonna be in flow and the more you're gonna take action the more chaos there is in the brain neural chaos whether it's because of emotions they're lacking something there's conflict as resistance the more you can get it out into the in front of you and open say well what's causing this the easier it is for that Einstein brain to say okay well maybe I could do this maybe I can do that but that can also call a friend or a mentor or a coach or I can research it nice the total sense all right before I ask my last question yeah tell these guys where they can find you online you can find online at my neuro gym calm John Assaraf calm on my Facebook fan page on Instagram on Twitter those are those those are the main ones all right and then my final question what's the impact that you want to have in the world Oh on my my appetizer lived he loved he gave he had fun I always thought that if there's a way that I could somehow use my life in a way that I can make somebody else's life a little bit easier to live either through knowledge or understanding or love or a process then my life has been worthwhile and so fun of me I just want to make a difference and I'm one of the people that doesn't believe that there's anything wrong in the world everything is unfolding exactly as it should there are many things not to my taste that I don't understand but I just want to make journey as good as I can for as many people as I can that's beautiful thank you so much for being on the show amazing guys when I say dive in I mean dive in somebody that really takes the kind of time and care that he takes to understand how the brain works and be able to make it digestible for people so that you can put it to use in your own life I think it's really extraordinary that so much of this was born from a moment of kindness between him and somebody who had been there who then made him promise that he would do the same in kind and the fact that he's given so much of his life to doing that to understanding how things work how habits work how beliefs work and there's even more that you'll find on him talking about those beliefs which i think is really extraordinary I think is one of the most foundational things about the human experience in terms of trying to be successful as understanding what the beliefs are that operate in your brain and the fact at first when I heard that he was in the secret I was like oh God the law of attraction freaks me out so the fact that he has the law of Goya and that you at the end of the day have to get off your ass and do something that's what I knew that we were spiritual twins and that I wasn't even really into this guy so I'm telling you there's so much power and what he talks about it's a no BS approach to how the brain works how you can rewire it how you can prime yourself to do really extraordinary things so dive in I think you're gonna find some amazing takeaways that you'll be able to put into use in your life immediately to extraordinary effect all right if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary take care my friend thank you hey impact of this let's talk about skill acquisition my mission in life is to acquire as many skills that have utility as humanly possible and put that utility to the test and service of something greater than myself relentlessly acquiring those skills is not always straightforward however but our friends at skill share will help you with that with two three months in the description below skill share if you don't already know is an online learning community with over 20,000 classes featuring the best teachers in film production writing Google lytx marketing leadership and a whole lot more at impact theory reviews skill shared grow in a number of areas like marketing analytics project management with Trello for our comic book and a whole lot more today I want to challenge you guys to do the same with our special offer below for the first 500 people who sign up using the link below in the description you're gonna get two months of Skillshare completely free having skills equals having value so I want you guys to envision how much value you'll be able to bring to yourself and others with a full 60 days of free access to all of skill shares thousands of courses and after you get started by the way shoot me a DM on Instagram with a skill that you picked so I want to know how you guys are progressing alright use the link in the description below and be legendary everybody thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community if you haven't already be sure to subscribe you're gonna get weekly videos on building a growth mindset cultivating grit and unlocking your full potential you

Channel: Tom Bilyeu

Views: 1,035,749

Rating: 4.9205146 out of 5

Keywords: Tom Bilyeu, Impact Theory, ImpactTheory, TomBilyeu, Inside Quest, InsideQuest, Tom Bilyou, Theory Impact, motivation, inspiration, talk show, interview, motivational speech, John Assaraf, John Assaraf Tom Bilyeu, John Assaraf on Impact Theory, How to Upgrade Your Mindset in 46 Minutes, john assaraf procrastination, assaraf, john asaraff, john assaraff

Id: UMmOQCf98-k

Length: 48min 27sec (2907 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 08 2019