How to Master Your Dark Side | Robert Greene on Impact Theory

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everyone<font color="#E5E5E5"> I hope you enjoyed this episode</font> and today<font color="#E5E5E5"> it's brought to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you by our</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">friends at</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Wix</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I don't write books to</font> please my ego<font color="#E5E5E5"> to make people laugh or to</font> entertain <font color="#CCCCCC">I want to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> influence them I want to get</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">inside your skin inside your brain and</font> alter how you look at the world I<font color="#E5E5E5"> think this change in your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> perspective</font> and<font color="#E5E5E5"> how</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you look and socialize and deal</font> with<font color="#E5E5E5"> people will radically alter so many</font> aspects<font color="#E5E5E5"> in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your life everybody</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> welcome</font> to impact<font color="#CCCCCC"> theory</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> our goal with this show</font> and<font color="#E5E5E5"> company is to introduce you to the</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">people and ideas that will help</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you</font> actually<font color="#CCCCCC"> execute</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> dreams</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">alright today's guest is the legendary</font> number<font color="#E5E5E5"> one New York Times bestselling</font> author of a string of books on the nature<font color="#CCCCCC"> of power itself his</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> writings have</font> become an intellectual buffet for<font color="#CCCCCC"> those</font> seeking power and influence<font color="#CCCCCC"> as evidenced</font> by<font color="#CCCCCC"> the fact that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> his work has</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> become an</font> integral<font color="#CCCCCC"> part of the very fabric of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">hip-hop</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> culture</font> he's been referenced in songs by jay-z Kanye West and Drake<font color="#CCCCCC"> to name but a few</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and Busta Rhymes used his lessons to</font> resolve a tricky<font color="#CCCCCC"> issue with problematic</font> movie producers<font color="#CCCCCC"> Fidel Castro has even</font> been reported<font color="#E5E5E5"> to read his book and his</font> most famous tome the 48 laws<font color="#CCCCCC"> of power is</font> both one<font color="#CCCCCC"> of the most</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> requested books in</font> the American<font color="#E5E5E5"> prison system and one of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">the most frequently banned along with</font> one<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> his other</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> books the 33 strategies</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">for war this may seem an overreaction</font> order ultimately just books<font color="#E5E5E5"> but in truth</font> every one<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> his six books are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> razor</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">sharp and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> dripping with</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> useable insights</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">they are dark and powerfully revealing</font> works<font color="#E5E5E5"> that look at some of the most</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">often ignored and harder to look at</font> parts<font color="#E5E5E5"> of human</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> nature and that's exactly</font> why they have<font color="#E5E5E5"> transcended the status of</font> mere books that you read<font color="#E5E5E5"> and become</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">among the rare pantheon of books</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">you study for that very</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> reason his book</font> mastery is on my<font color="#E5E5E5"> ultra short list of</font> books that<font color="#E5E5E5"> you must read so please help</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">me</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> in welcoming</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the best-selling author</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of the laws of human nature</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">godfather of power dynamics himself</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">Robert</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Greene</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">dude right writing your intro is about</font> the<font color="#E5E5E5"> easiest thing I'm ever gonna do in</font> my<font color="#E5E5E5"> life what you've written is so</font> extraordinary and as somebody<font color="#E5E5E5"> who I had</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">to toughen up so that was my journey as</font> an entrepreneur<font color="#E5E5E5"> so some</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> people I think</font> start<font color="#E5E5E5"> to hard don't have enough empathy</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and they really have to find that and</font> find their love for<font color="#E5E5E5"> other humans</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I led</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">with that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but had to like develop the</font> resilience in the internal fortitude to see things<font color="#CCCCCC"> through</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> so</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> love</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> hip-hop</font> culture<font color="#E5E5E5"> and the lack of anxiety</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> they<font color="#E5E5E5"> talk</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> about and I like that similar</font> thing in your books where it really<font color="#E5E5E5"> just</font> delves into this is sort of an objective <font color="#E5E5E5">look at</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> human nature or</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> power and its</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">really pretty fascinating so the fact</font> that you wrote<font color="#E5E5E5"> a</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> book about the laws</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of</font> human<font color="#E5E5E5"> nature is very</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> intriguing</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I could</font> not wait<font color="#CCCCCC"> to dive into this and I want to</font> start with<font color="#E5E5E5"> yes you take a default sort</font> of negative<font color="#E5E5E5"> view about our aggressions</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and things like</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that what is your</font> default stance on human nature but I admit<font color="#E5E5E5"> that I have a</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> negative bias but I</font> try<font color="#E5E5E5"> and make my books as objective as</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">possible</font> but I<font color="#E5E5E5"> think that we consider ourselves</font> human obviously we're human beings<font color="#E5E5E5"> but I</font> don't<font color="#CCCCCC"> by that definition I think that</font> we're actually<font color="#E5E5E5"> animals that we have an</font> animal nature and that we have to<font color="#CCCCCC"> become</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">human and we become human</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> by overcoming</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">some of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> these deep-rooted</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> animal forces</font> within<font color="#E5E5E5"> us these forces within us that we</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">can't control</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> such</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> as the fact that we</font> can't control our<font color="#CCCCCC"> own emotions our own</font> anger our own frustration or<font color="#E5E5E5"> if we feel</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">Envy or were caught</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> up</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in the emotions</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of other people</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I call those forces</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">primal forces human nature and I have 18</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">of them and they</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> can create sort of</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">negative patterns of behavior the dark</font> side<font color="#E5E5E5"> of what we see in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the news etc</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font> we all have them<font color="#E5E5E5"> ingrained in us because</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">with the way we evolved millions of</font> years ago<font color="#CCCCCC"> served a</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> very definite</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> purpose</font> for<font color="#CCCCCC"> our survival as a species</font> but the<font color="#E5E5E5"> savannas of East Africa is not</font> the offices<font color="#E5E5E5"> in Silicon</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Valley</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> or a 21st</font> century America<font color="#E5E5E5"> the world isn't the same</font> we are not built<font color="#E5E5E5"> to adapt to this new</font> technological<font color="#E5E5E5"> environment we're in we</font> still have that<font color="#E5E5E5"> lizard brain those</font> animal parts of our nature<font color="#E5E5E5"> so my book is</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">designed to confront you with</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> human</font> nature<font color="#E5E5E5"> so you can begin to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> overcome</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">so for</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> instance law number one is about</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">how we're basically irrational creatures</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">we think that we're rational but really</font> our emotions governess<font color="#E5E5E5"> we feel something</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">before we ever have an idea or think it</font> we have to become rational<font color="#E5E5E5"> through this</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">process that live layout in my</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> book so I</font> don't mean to<font color="#E5E5E5"> say that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we're negative</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">because humans are obviously incredible</font> look at<font color="#E5E5E5"> what we've created it's an array</font> giuse if you think about<font color="#E5E5E5"> who we were</font> millions of years ago where<font color="#CCCCCC"> we are now</font> we're<font color="#CCCCCC"> obviously capable</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of incredible</font> achievements<font color="#CCCCCC"> we're also</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the most</font> brilliant<font color="#E5E5E5"> social animal on the planet</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">we're capable</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of cooperating and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> working</font> on teams to a level<font color="#E5E5E5"> that no other</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> animal</font> has<font color="#E5E5E5"> ever reached so there's obviously</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">another</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> side to the story but to become</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">greater to become truly human we have to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">overcome these forces that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I lay out</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in</font> the<font color="#CCCCCC"> book</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> what are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> some of the other</font> primitive forces<font color="#E5E5E5"> that are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> driving us</font> especially<font color="#E5E5E5"> ones that people might not be</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">aware of well I think we're kind of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">aware of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we don't see</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it in the</font> same light<font color="#CCCCCC"> so for instance we are built</font> to constantly compare ourselves to other people<font color="#CCCCCC"> we're always</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> thinking of what the</font> other<font color="#CCCCCC"> person has</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and how we are in</font> relation to them are<font color="#E5E5E5"> we getting as much</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">attention as that other person you</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">started off when we were</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> children</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> are we</font> getting more attention<font color="#E5E5E5"> than</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> our siblings</font> from<font color="#E5E5E5"> our parents so we're continually</font> comparing ourselves<font color="#CCCCCC"> in rank</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and power</font> and status<font color="#CCCCCC"> to the people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> around us and</font> this is deep force within<font color="#E5E5E5"> us</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and it's</font> constant<font color="#E5E5E5"> every day every moment you</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">don't realize it but you're going</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">through that and social media it</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">completely exacerbates this tendency in</font> human nature<font color="#CCCCCC"> and it's the source of envy</font> which<font color="#E5E5E5"> is I have</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a whole</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> chapter on in my</font> book so that's one force that<font color="#CCCCCC"> I that I talked</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">about</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and has I try</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and show</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the roots</font> of<font color="#E5E5E5"> that you know in our evolution</font> another is the contagiousness<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font> emotions which is<font color="#CCCCCC"> extremely</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> powerful</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we</font> tend to think of ourselves as autonomous <font color="#E5E5E5">human beings that were independent that</font> we I<font color="#CCCCCC"> feel affection or anger or</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">frustration on my own</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> we don't realize</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">how deeply we are affected by the</font> emotions of<font color="#CCCCCC"> the people in a group</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> this</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">is</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the viral effects emotions are</font> extremely contagious<font color="#E5E5E5"> and I explained in</font> the<font color="#E5E5E5"> book there was an evolutionary</font> reason<font color="#CCCCCC"> for that before the invention of</font> language<font color="#E5E5E5"> we humans had</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to be able</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to</font> communicate<font color="#E5E5E5"> to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> one</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> another through just</font> picking up<font color="#E5E5E5"> the moods of other people and</font> if there was a<font color="#E5E5E5"> threat to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> our group or</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">our tribe the ability to feel fear</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font> anger together<font color="#E5E5E5"> bonded us and helped us</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">survive but that doesn't serve much</font> function in the<font color="#E5E5E5"> world today where viral</font> emotions<font color="#CCCCCC"> could be very dangerous</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font> very we see a lot of that<font color="#E5E5E5"> on social</font> media<font color="#E5E5E5"> so there's</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> are</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> two forces you know</font> I<font color="#CCCCCC"> convention there there's</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> several</font> others<font color="#E5E5E5"> so you've said that you often</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">write from a place of anger</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I do</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> what</font> was the anger that<font color="#CCCCCC"> was</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> driving this book</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">well I tell you you know</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> just</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> think</font> I'm<font color="#E5E5E5"> really worried about people nowadays</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">so in mastery my worry was couldn't</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">people no longer</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> knew how to build</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">things no</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> longer</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> understood the process</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">for</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> becoming great in excelling at some</font> craft or field but now my worry is<font color="#E5E5E5"> that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">people are so immersed in their</font> smartphones in their<font color="#E5E5E5"> technology that</font> they don't understand<font color="#E5E5E5"> people</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> they're not</font> observing people and this<font color="#CCCCCC"> has been</font> documented<font color="#E5E5E5"> in studies that young people</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">for instance levels of self-absorption</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and narcissism have been growing</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">steadily since</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the 1970s we are the</font> preeminent<font color="#E5E5E5"> social animal on the planet</font> our<font color="#E5E5E5"> survival depends on how we relate</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> other<font color="#CCCCCC"> people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> whether we understand them</font> on some level<font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I find a lot</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of people</font> are increasingly in<font color="#CCCCCC"> the world are</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> really</font> bad at observing<font color="#CCCCCC"> just basic elements in</font> human psychology the position I'm in now<font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm a consultant</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a lot</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of very powerful famous people</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">I'm not going</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to mention any</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> names but</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">people fly me out to consult with CEOs</font> political<font color="#E5E5E5"> people who are very powerful</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> even in other countries and the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">number one problem I find that they have</font> is an inability to understand<font color="#CCCCCC"> the people</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">they're dealing with they hire the wrong</font> partners they hire the worst assistants <font color="#E5E5E5">when de</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Bruin</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> anair lives</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> these</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> are</font> people who<font color="#E5E5E5"> were technically brilliant</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">they understand their field they</font> understand<font color="#E5E5E5"> marketing etc but they don't</font> understand basics about people<font color="#E5E5E5"> around</font> them and they make terrible hires or they marry absolutely the wrong person for<font color="#E5E5E5"> them in their lives</font> their emotions<font color="#E5E5E5"> you know their personal</font> relationship<font color="#E5E5E5"> bring them down</font> so this is like our<font color="#E5E5E5"> Achilles heel and I</font> think it's gotten worse in<font color="#E5E5E5"> the world</font> today<font color="#CCCCCC"> so my anger was that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people are so</font> focused<font color="#E5E5E5"> on technology but</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that we</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> need</font> to focus much more on<font color="#CCCCCC"> human nature</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on</font> understanding people<font color="#E5E5E5"> that's the primary</font> skill that you need<font color="#CCCCCC"> in life I kind of</font> really interesting<font color="#E5E5E5"> so I'm sort of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the I</font> get a little<font color="#E5E5E5"> mischaracterized as the</font> blank slate<font color="#E5E5E5"> guy</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and admittedly I do want</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">to believe</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that we're blank slates</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but I</font> don't believe<font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I don't</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> think that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> we</font> are blank<font color="#E5E5E5"> slates and I think that there</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">is a certain amount</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of human</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> nature</font> that's really baked into<font color="#E5E5E5"> things</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> one</font> thing<font color="#CCCCCC"> that I thought was pretty funny</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in</font> your<font color="#CCCCCC"> book was like the biggest</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> part</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font> human<font color="#CCCCCC"> nature is that we deny that there</font> was<font color="#E5E5E5"> human nature that that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> was</font> wonderfully ironic and terrifyingly true and I want to know<font color="#E5E5E5"> like how much of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> this</font> is stuff<font color="#E5E5E5"> where we</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> tease out because you</font> said the<font color="#E5E5E5"> purpose of the book is to give</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">you a sense of who you are so</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that you</font> can change who you are<font color="#CCCCCC"> but without</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">self-awareness without going through the</font> process of<font color="#CCCCCC"> learning this</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> stuff you're</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">just never gonna</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> be able</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to make that</font> change<font color="#CCCCCC"> so okay operating from</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the thesis</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that your book is designed to give me</font> that level of self-awareness<font color="#CCCCCC"> as I go</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">through the</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> process of trying</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> tease</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">out who I really</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> am which is a</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">fascinating journey that your book takes</font> people on if they're<font color="#CCCCCC"> willing to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">acknowledge when they see themselves how</font> much of this<font color="#E5E5E5"> is truly like just you were</font> born that<font color="#E5E5E5"> way</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and how much of this</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> is</font> early childhood<font color="#CCCCCC"> development well I have</font> a chapter on character<font color="#E5E5E5"> which is extremely important</font> chapter and what I'm<font color="#E5E5E5"> trying</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> get at in</font> there<font color="#E5E5E5"> is that there is something deeply</font> ingrained in each individual person<font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">particular individual nature that we all</font> have and that causes<font color="#CCCCCC"> us to go</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> into</font> compulsive patterns of behavior<font color="#CCCCCC"> I have</font> this problem<font color="#E5E5E5"> of myself</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I notice each</font> time<font color="#CCCCCC"> I write a book I'm telling myself</font> I'm<font color="#E5E5E5"> gonna make this book short I'm not</font> gonna ruin<font color="#E5E5E5"> my health</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm not gonna do so</font> much research<font color="#CCCCCC"> and every goddamn time I</font> still go through the<font color="#E5E5E5"> same</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> process I</font> can't break this pattern<font color="#CCCCCC"> okay and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">everybody has them where does</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> come</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">from</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> some of it comes from</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> our DNA from</font> our genetics things we can't control <font color="#CCCCCC">that we've inherited</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> from our parents</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">some of it comes from our early</font> attachment<font color="#CCCCCC"> and some of it comes as we</font> get older and<font color="#CCCCCC"> we interact with</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> teachers</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> mentors and various people who</font> create a certain way we view ourselves <font color="#E5E5E5">if people keep telling us that were</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> not</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">really worthy</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that we're not good</font> students we<font color="#CCCCCC"> internalize that and we end</font> up<font color="#E5E5E5"> becoming like</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> so it's a mix of</font> things you know each person<font color="#CCCCCC"> has a mix of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">these qualities and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you have to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> kind of</font> and untangle<font color="#CCCCCC"> the various strands and</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">your write up what I'm saying is you're</font> a mystery<font color="#E5E5E5"> to yourself you don't know who</font> you are<font color="#CCCCCC"> you</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> have patterns of behavior</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and you're not even understanding that</font> you don't<font color="#CCCCCC"> know why you're angry you</font> think you're angry<font color="#CCCCCC"> because that person</font> said something<font color="#CCCCCC"> mean to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you or</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> did</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">something wrong</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but in fact your anger</font> probably stems from things from<font color="#E5E5E5"> deep</font> deep within<font color="#E5E5E5"> from your childhood and</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">you're not reacting to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that person but</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">to actually your parents and what they</font> didn't<font color="#E5E5E5"> give you you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> know the the origin</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of wisdom according to the Greeks was</font> know thyself<font color="#CCCCCC"> right and I believe that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">very firmly that knowledge about who you</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">are</font> is an end in itself<font color="#CCCCCC"> and will help you in</font> so many ways<font color="#E5E5E5"> become that human being</font> that I think we all have the potential <font color="#E5E5E5">to become so talk</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> me about</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">self-awareness and how it impacts biases</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">well you have to see this is my book so</font> try to be<font color="#E5E5E5"> as practical</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> as possible I</font> don't<font color="#E5E5E5"> want to get acted</font> I want you to be able<font color="#E5E5E5"> to actually use</font> this knowledge<font color="#CCCCCC"> so I'm a great</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> believer</font> in baby<font color="#CCCCCC"> steps in learning how to do</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">things on a daily basis so normally when</font> we feel an emotion<font color="#E5E5E5"> or we have an idea</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we</font> don't examine<font color="#E5E5E5"> it we just assume that's</font> that's you know it's just natural<font color="#CCCCCC"> we</font> came up with that<font color="#E5E5E5"> on our own</font> I want you every<font color="#CCCCCC"> single day to be</font> examining<font color="#CCCCCC"> yourself and to look at</font> yourself<font color="#E5E5E5"> why do I have that idea why am</font> I feeling<font color="#E5E5E5"> this sudden emotion and it's</font> not easy it<font color="#CCCCCC"> takes</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it can take time and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">it can take degree of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> introspection that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">you're not comfortable with but if you</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">begin</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> look at yourself in question</font> why do I feel this<font color="#E5E5E5"> way</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and examine it</font> and look at<font color="#E5E5E5"> perhaps other sources</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of it</font> then you can begin<font color="#E5E5E5"> this process of</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">understanding</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> instead</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> just simply</font> accepting that<font color="#E5E5E5"> you feel or have this</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">certain idea so when I write the book on</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">human nature I admit that I have</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">negative bias towards human nature I</font> tend<font color="#E5E5E5"> to see the dark</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> side in people I</font> tend to see<font color="#E5E5E5"> they're manipulative side</font> what they're trying<font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> hide that was the</font> source for<font color="#CCCCCC"> the 48 laws of power</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that was</font> the anger I felt then<font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people</font> weren't being honest about how manipulative they can be so I<font color="#CCCCCC"> recognized</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">that I have this bias I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> recognize</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> that's who I am<font color="#CCCCCC"> instead</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of thinking that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">well I'm just brilliant and my ideas are</font> always correct<font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> questioned it</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and I</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">questioned is my negative bias towards</font> human nature is that<font color="#E5E5E5"> reality or is it</font> just<font color="#E5E5E5"> me and maybe it's just me because</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of my the way my</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> parents are you know my</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">parents</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> were kind of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> anxious and worried</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">about a lot</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of things and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> internalized</font> that maybe that gave me my negative view <font color="#CCCCCC">on people so I questioned it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I say</font> maybe it's not real<font color="#CCCCCC"> maybe</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I need</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to read</font> books that<font color="#E5E5E5"> tell</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> me</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the other</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> side of the</font> story<font color="#E5E5E5"> and there are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> plenty of books you</font> know that say that humans are great<font color="#E5E5E5"> so</font> question<font color="#CCCCCC"> yourself</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> stop assuming that</font> everything<font color="#E5E5E5"> you do is so brilliant and</font> smart<font color="#CCCCCC"> it's</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> right and imagine that maybe</font> your ideas don't<font color="#CCCCCC"> come from yourself</font> maybe you're feeling some political anger or<font color="#E5E5E5"> whatever comes from the fact</font> that you're<font color="#CCCCCC"> just assuming</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it from other</font> people<font color="#CCCCCC"> you're</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> following things on</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">Facebook and you're getting swept</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> up in</font> some viral emotion you want<font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> think</font> that you're<font color="#E5E5E5"> completely independent</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font> autonomous<font color="#E5E5E5"> but maybe you're not as</font> independent<font color="#E5E5E5"> as you think so how do you</font> want<font color="#E5E5E5"> people</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> use your book as a tool</font> as they go through what exercises<font color="#E5E5E5"> do you</font> want them to do<font color="#E5E5E5"> because I think some</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font> a lack of<font color="#CCCCCC"> self awareness isn't not just</font> a I don't<font color="#CCCCCC"> want to do the work</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font> introspection<font color="#CCCCCC"> it's a not understanding</font> the process of what introspection is well some of<font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> also is denial</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> some of</font> it also is<font color="#CCCCCC"> a block that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people have to</font> look<font color="#E5E5E5"> at themselves because it is it is</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font> little bit<font color="#E5E5E5"> a confrontation with reality</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">but as far as the process</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> is concerned</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">it's it's a daily</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> thing so first of all</font> the first<font color="#E5E5E5"> and most important</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> thing that</font> you<font color="#CCCCCC"> have to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> do is to is to come to admit</font> it's almost like an<font color="#CCCCCC"> AAA thing that you</font> have a problem<font color="#E5E5E5"> if you go through</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a life</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">thinking you don't</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> have a problem</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> you know who you are<font color="#CCCCCC"> that your</font> relationships with<font color="#E5E5E5"> people are fine that</font> everything is hunky-dory<font color="#CCCCCC"> then you're</font> never<font color="#E5E5E5"> going to be able to even begin to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">go into</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the process so admit you have a</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">problem admit you don't understand the</font> people<font color="#E5E5E5"> you deal with</font> even your spouse or your children <font color="#CCCCCC">they're mysteries to him you</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> don't</font> really<font color="#E5E5E5"> know what they're thinking</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> so</font> admit that first when you admit that<font color="#E5E5E5"> now</font> you're motivated<font color="#CCCCCC"> to try and learn</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">they're their little steps you can take</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">I won't go through all of them but</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">first thing is if you take your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> wife or</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your husband if</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you say to yourself I</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">don't really understand them I think I</font> do but<font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> lot of the times when you think</font> you understand them<font color="#E5E5E5"> you're just</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> simply</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">projecting your</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on to them your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> own</font> emotions<font color="#E5E5E5"> step back and say today I'm</font> gonna observe her<font color="#E5E5E5"> let's just say from my</font> point of<font color="#CCCCCC"> view in a different way than I</font> normally do<font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm gonna look at her</font> nonverbal communication because I'm a big believer<font color="#E5E5E5"> in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> nonverbal</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and today I'm</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">gonna glean one truth about my wife or</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">spouse or partner</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> then I had never</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">noticed before</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm gonna try</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and see</font> her get to the point<font color="#E5E5E5"> where I could begin</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> understand her perspective<font color="#CCCCCC"> so if</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> for</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">instance there's an argument or a</font> disagreement here's<font color="#CCCCCC"> another instance where you step</font> back and you<font color="#E5E5E5"> go</font> stop being so self-righteous<font color="#E5E5E5"> and maybe</font> try and take the step of<font color="#E5E5E5"> understanding</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">her point of view so you know so these</font> are<font color="#E5E5E5"> sort of baby steps</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that you've taken</font> in life<font color="#E5E5E5"> you can use this in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your office</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">where you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> think you you know your</font> colleagues<font color="#E5E5E5"> but you don't know them and</font> they might<font color="#CCCCCC"> be having thoughts</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> about you</font> that aren't<font color="#E5E5E5"> very pleasant that you don't</font> want to confront step back and start <font color="#CCCCCC">observing them and I have many many</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">examples in</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the book about how lessons</font> on<font color="#E5E5E5"> how you can start observing people</font> observing<font color="#E5E5E5"> their body language seeing the</font> subtext<font color="#CCCCCC"> behind their words you know</font> seeing their patterns of behavior<font color="#CCCCCC"> you</font> know for instance<font color="#E5E5E5"> you'll notice</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">sometimes we all go through this that</font> when we see our boss we get a kind<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font> body<font color="#CCCCCC"> language</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and a nervousness that's</font> it's unusual but when we see somebody else like a friend<font color="#E5E5E5"> suddenly our face</font> lights up and we're much more relaxed and<font color="#E5E5E5"> happy</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">all</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> like that so you want to</font> see how<font color="#E5E5E5"> somebody reacts to you when you</font> meet them when you come up to<font color="#E5E5E5"> them and</font> how they react to<font color="#E5E5E5"> other people and</font> notice that there's a great<font color="#E5E5E5"> difference</font> when they see you<font color="#E5E5E5"> and suddenly they're</font> very nervous<font color="#CCCCCC"> around</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you or they're very</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">excited that will tell you a lot about</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">yourself and about them you're not being</font> observant <font color="#E5E5E5">you mentioned Milton Erickson before we</font> were<font color="#E5E5E5"> talking</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> about</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> how incredibly</font> observant he was his what he was fascinated<font color="#CCCCCC"> with that was how incredibly</font> unobservant people are let's go deeper into Milton Erickson who is a shared fascination for<font color="#E5E5E5"> you and I know seeing</font> him<font color="#E5E5E5"> in your book was very excited and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">you'd give like this blow-by-blow</font> account of how<font color="#E5E5E5"> he comes to what is</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">really almost a</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> superpower his ability</font> to read<font color="#CCCCCC"> nonverbal communication is</font> beyond powerful but the way that you <font color="#E5E5E5">tell the story it makes it sort of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">self-evident how he develops that walk</font> us through you know what happened when you<font color="#E5E5E5"> got struck with polio how he</font> leveraged<font color="#CCCCCC"> that what some of those</font> realizations<font color="#E5E5E5"> were and then how we can</font> all train<font color="#CCCCCC"> ourselves</font> and<font color="#E5E5E5"> and if you can touch on like what he</font> learned about<font color="#E5E5E5"> the word no like I found</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that really in well Milton Erickson is</font> amazing figure he's the<font color="#CCCCCC"> person who</font> created basically hypnotherapy and was the main inspiration between<font color="#E5E5E5"> behind NLP</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> when he was about eighteen years old</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">he suddenly</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> got polio and as his polio</font> spread his entire<font color="#E5E5E5"> body was was paralyzed</font> even the<font color="#E5E5E5"> only thing that wasn't was his</font> eyeballs<font color="#CCCCCC"> he could move</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he could look at</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">people he had some ability to see move</font> his eyes a little<font color="#E5E5E5"> bit and so imagine</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font> can imagine<font color="#CCCCCC"> myself I have a very</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> active</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">mind imagine you're paralyzed in bed you</font> can't read you<font color="#CCCCCC"> can't watch</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> anything no</font> television<font color="#CCCCCC"> no entertainment</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people can</font> read you stories<font color="#CCCCCC"> basically</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but how</font> incredibly bored you'll become and how frustrating and<font color="#E5E5E5"> you can't do anything</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">for yourself</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you know you'd go crazy</font> so what Milton Erickson did<font color="#E5E5E5"> as he was</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> in</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that state</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he was living in his</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">house and people were visiting</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> his him</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">is he decided he would observe people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on</font> a much<font color="#CCCCCC"> higher level now he couldn't say</font> anything<font color="#E5E5E5"> he couldn't communicate because</font> his mouth was paralyzed as well<font color="#E5E5E5"> so all</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">he could do</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> was observe and observe</font> people closer and closer<font color="#E5E5E5"> and so he</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">noticed that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> as that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> hat as he</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">progressed in that there's that there's</font> the second<font color="#CCCCCC"> language</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that people speak</font> and this language is nonverbal<font color="#CCCCCC"> it is in</font> gestures<font color="#E5E5E5"> it is in tone of voice it isn't</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">just your pop body posture and slowly</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">over months and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> years of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> being paralyzed</font> in<font color="#CCCCCC"> this position</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he literally mastered</font> this second language he could tell from the<font color="#CCCCCC"> way his sister moved her hair like</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">that or moved her head that she was</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">feeling some resentment</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> towards</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> her</font> other sister he noticed as<font color="#CCCCCC"> you said that</font> there were like five different forms<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font> know that someone could say no I don't <font color="#E5E5E5">want that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Apple when they were</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> offered</font> to<font color="#E5E5E5"> it but they really meant yeah I</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">really do want</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">Appl</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and so he noticed that there were</font> all these<font color="#CCCCCC"> different variations of know</font> depending<font color="#E5E5E5"> on the tone</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of voice he could</font> hear people<font color="#CCCCCC"> in</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> another room talking</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">about him and through that the tone of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">their</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> voice he</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> could understand what</font> they were<font color="#E5E5E5"> really trying to say</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> about him</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and the subtext behind the words that</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">people have and so as people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> talk and</font> they use words<font color="#E5E5E5"> to conceal what they're</font> thinking<font color="#CCCCCC"> their bodies reveal what</font> they're actually<font color="#E5E5E5"> thinking behind the</font> words<font color="#E5E5E5"> through their nervousness their</font> tone<font color="#CCCCCC"> of voice</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> their eyes</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the eyes</font> and the mouth tell you incredible amounts of<font color="#E5E5E5"> information</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Milton</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Erickson</font> mastered this<font color="#CCCCCC"> language and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> as he got</font> older<font color="#CCCCCC"> he used</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> this in his therapy where</font> he would have<font color="#E5E5E5"> patients enter his room he</font> became a psychoanalyst <font color="#CCCCCC">and he</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> deliberately placed his desk at</font> one end of the corner<font color="#E5E5E5"> so they would have</font> to walk into the<font color="#E5E5E5"> room and he could</font> understand from<font color="#E5E5E5"> the way they walked and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">their gait</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> whether they were nervous</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">whether</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> they were excited whether they</font> wanted<font color="#E5E5E5"> to change their</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> lives</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> or</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> not</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he</font> was so<font color="#E5E5E5"> brilliant at</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that people later</font> in<font color="#E5E5E5"> life people</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> thought he was psychic he</font> could literally<font color="#E5E5E5"> read your thoughts it</font> was unbelievable<font color="#E5E5E5"> so the point of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> this</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">story was that humans have this ability</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> understand master the second language</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">put yourself in the position of our</font> earliest ancestors<font color="#E5E5E5"> I mentioned this</font> earlier they don't have language<font color="#E5E5E5"> yet</font> their survival depends<font color="#CCCCCC"> on getting</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> along</font> with the group<font color="#CCCCCC"> and knowing like</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you're</font> hunting and where where is<font color="#E5E5E5"> that leper</font> what's going on and you but you<font color="#E5E5E5"> can't</font> say anything<font color="#E5E5E5"> you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> don't have</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> language yet</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">so your ability</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to pick up fear</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in the</font> eyes of a fellow group member or to pick up excitement<font color="#CCCCCC"> your survival depended on</font> it so I maintain that<font color="#E5E5E5"> our ancestors were</font> virtually psychic<font color="#E5E5E5"> and their ability to</font> attune themselves to the nonverbal communication<font color="#CCCCCC"> that people are</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> constantly</font> emitting so the idea in this<font color="#CCCCCC"> book is we</font> humans are<font color="#E5E5E5"> all constantly emitting</font> information about our real emotions it comes out non-verbally and you're not picking<font color="#CCCCCC"> up these signals</font> you're so focused<font color="#E5E5E5"> on people's words that</font> you're missing<font color="#E5E5E5"> this other</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> reality which</font> is so<font color="#E5E5E5"> incredibly eloquent and I try and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">instruct you in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the book</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> about how you</font> can become superior observer of this for me that<font color="#CCCCCC"> Milton</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Erickson ability really</font> does border on a<font color="#CCCCCC"> superpower that came</font> from<font color="#E5E5E5"> obviously something very disruptive</font> in his life<font color="#CCCCCC"> right and I know recently</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">you had a stroke</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and the way that you're</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">approaching it has the sort of Milton</font> Erickson written all over<font color="#E5E5E5"> it with</font> rebuilding yourself but<font color="#E5E5E5"> with a writer's</font> mind and so you're paying<font color="#E5E5E5"> attention</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">what it takes and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> what you're going</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">through walk us through that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> like what</font> are you learning<font color="#CCCCCC"> about that what</font> principles of the book are you applying <font color="#CCCCCC">to it well um you know</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I I hate to say</font> it<font color="#E5E5E5"> but it was kind of a near-death</font> experience<font color="#CCCCCC"> because I was with my wife at</font> the<font color="#CCCCCC"> time</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and she</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> called</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the ambulance</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">right away</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">I was driving and if she hadn't called</font> right away<font color="#CCCCCC"> I would have permanent brain</font> damage right<font color="#E5E5E5"> now and I probably would</font> have<font color="#E5E5E5"> gotten</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to in a very bad car</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">accident I might not be</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> alive</font> so you know the last chapter is a chapter about death confronting your greatest fear in life<font color="#CCCCCC"> is judge</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">immortality I literally had to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> confront</font> that so the abstract words that I have about<font color="#CCCCCC"> Oken front your death overcome</font> your fear<font color="#E5E5E5"> suddenly became very real</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> me<font color="#E5E5E5"> and so that was one</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> aspect of it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but</font> literally<font color="#E5E5E5"> you lose control</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of your</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> body</font> I'm a very independent<font color="#E5E5E5"> person very</font> willful<font color="#CCCCCC"> I like to imagine myself like</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I</font> can do anything I want and suddenly I'm put in<font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> position of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">being</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a baby</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> dependent on</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> people to</font> clothe me to feed me<font color="#E5E5E5"> I can't walk very</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">well</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I have no control over my</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> left side</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of my body</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I wasn't an athlete but</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I</font> loved exercise endurance exercise<font color="#CCCCCC"> not</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">all that wiped away so what am I gonna</font> do am I gonna start feeling<font color="#E5E5E5"> sorry</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> for</font> myself<font color="#CCCCCC"> and so I applied one of the</font> things in my<font color="#E5E5E5"> book which is has to do</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">with the last chapter about death but</font> it's<font color="#CCCCCC"> also permeates</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> through the book is</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">just sort</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of accept things as they are</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">stop judging you know I had to accept</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that</font> is a fact of life<font color="#E5E5E5"> and how can I make</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">into something strong</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> how can I turn</font> this<font color="#E5E5E5"> into a positive</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I have a chapter on</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your attitude in life how you can change</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your circumstances by changing</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your</font> attitude your<font color="#CCCCCC"> attitude towards</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> life will</font> determine<font color="#E5E5E5"> what you get if you're</font> avoidant and hostile towards people<font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font> hostile<font color="#E5E5E5"> person will tend</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to create</font> hostility around him<font color="#E5E5E5"> so how can</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> i alter</font> my attitude and it's a struggle<font color="#CCCCCC"> every</font> single<font color="#E5E5E5"> day I</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> have to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> be incredibly</font> patient<font color="#CCCCCC"> and I'm not a patient person</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it</font> takes<font color="#CCCCCC"> me</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> 10 minutes to put on</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a t-shirt</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">to be able</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to get my left arm through</font> that hole that<font color="#E5E5E5"> sleeve</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> damn it I'm</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> not</font> somebody<font color="#CCCCCC"> who's patient and I've had to</font> develop<font color="#E5E5E5"> patience I've had to overcome</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">all of these sort of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> negative qualities</font> in myself<font color="#E5E5E5"> so if I talk</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> in the book about</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">overcoming your own nature this</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> damn</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font> that was<font color="#E5E5E5"> fucking slammed into my face</font> right I had to overcome my frustration my lack of<font color="#CCCCCC"> patience</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> my willfulness</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font> fact that<font color="#CCCCCC"> I always have to do things</font> myself you know and then I<font color="#E5E5E5"> had to confront the</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">fact that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I could easily have died but I</font> did I'm alive so<font color="#CCCCCC"> I can learn from this</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">I'm learning a lot and I'm gonna rebuild</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">my body I'm gonna rebuild it I've come a</font> long<font color="#CCCCCC"> way so like</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> a month ago I was</font> pretty<font color="#E5E5E5"> bad I'm able</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to walk now</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> fairly</font> well<font color="#E5E5E5"> in four months from now I'm gonna</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">be swimming again in six months I'm</font> gonna be jogging I'm gonna be back to where<font color="#CCCCCC"> I was nothing will stop me but I</font> have to<font color="#E5E5E5"> overcome all</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of my deficiencies</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and all of these weaknesses that I have</font> built<font color="#E5E5E5"> up over the years yeah that is</font> needless<font color="#CCCCCC"> to say that's</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> a long difficult</font> Road<font color="#CCCCCC"> how do you what tools do you use to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">reset your mind every</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> day as you're</font> going<font color="#E5E5E5"> through this in and paralleling</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that maybe to that check off story in</font> the book<font color="#E5E5E5"> and how what he overcame</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> him is</font> really<font color="#E5E5E5"> extraordinary being beaten by his</font> father all the<font color="#CCCCCC"> time and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that he goes on</font> to be the guy that<font color="#E5E5E5"> isn't bitter was</font> pretty extraordinary<font color="#CCCCCC"> what mechanisms do</font> you use to reset every day I meditate every morning<font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font> doing that for several<font color="#CCCCCC"> year</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> for eight</font> years<font color="#CCCCCC"> now religiously and in</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> those</font> meditations<font color="#CCCCCC"> I confront myself</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> so I'm</font> sitting there<font color="#E5E5E5"> meditating and my</font> meditation is all about<font color="#E5E5E5"> emptying the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">mind but it's impossible to empty the</font> mind so as you're<font color="#E5E5E5"> meditating thoughts come to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">you anxieties</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> worries resentments I've</font> trained myself to<font color="#E5E5E5"> question where they</font> are each time I feel anger at my sibling <font color="#E5E5E5">or my mother or friend</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> for</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> saying</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">something that I misinterpreted</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I go</font> that's<font color="#E5E5E5"> your ego speaking you these</font> people<font color="#E5E5E5"> weren't saying something that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> was</font> personal<font color="#CCCCCC"> you just have your</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> ego which is</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">always getting</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> way</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> question it</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">so question my impatience my</font> frustrations etc the meditation has really helped me<font color="#E5E5E5"> then a friend of mine</font> wrote saying about the<font color="#E5E5E5"> stroke well look</font> at it this way<font color="#CCCCCC"> then it's kind of an</font> adventure that you're having to <font color="#E5E5E5">experience things you've</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> never</font> experienced before<font color="#CCCCCC"> oh wow you know I</font> think I'm so brilliant but I'm<font color="#E5E5E5"> not</font> sometimes people other<font color="#CCCCCC"> people have the</font> best ideas I'm always<font color="#E5E5E5"> stealing their</font> ideas<font color="#CCCCCC"> that was a great idea</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> this is an</font> adventure<font color="#CCCCCC"> this is something new I'm</font> having to learn it<font color="#E5E5E5"> it can be exciting</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">although</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> really I'm feeling kind of</font> bitter and<font color="#E5E5E5"> angry</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I have to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> confront that</font> and move past<font color="#E5E5E5"> it the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Chekhov story is</font> great because Chekhov was<font color="#CCCCCC"> born in in</font> Russian<font color="#E5E5E5"> the most miserable village in</font> Russia<font color="#CCCCCC"> poverty-stricken etc</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> really cold</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and no streets weren't paved and wild</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">dogs ran through the streets</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and you</font> could fall into a pothole<font color="#CCCCCC"> and drown and</font> his father beat him<font color="#CCCCCC"> every morning rat</font> practically and his<font color="#E5E5E5"> siblings were</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a mess</font> and then suddenly they<font color="#E5E5E5"> - but the</font> brothers ran off to Moscow<font color="#CCCCCC"> and then</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font> father decided<font color="#E5E5E5"> to follow them the rest</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">of the family basically</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> abandon anton</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">chekhov at the age of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> 18 or 16 in this</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">miserable</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> little town and he had to fend</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">for himself</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and he started becoming</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">really</font> bitter like why did it why me<font color="#CCCCCC"> why did I</font> have<font color="#E5E5E5"> this awful family this horrible</font> abusive father<font color="#CCCCCC"> this</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> mother who won't</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">stand for her up for herself this</font> drunken brother<font color="#CCCCCC"> why me he got a and then</font> he's he suddenly got sick<font color="#CCCCCC"> of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> this story</font> in his mind<font color="#E5E5E5"> and he goes maybe I need to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">look at this totally differently</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you</font> know<font color="#CCCCCC"> I don't want to be like this the</font> rest<font color="#CCCCCC"> of my life and so he decided that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">what he would do is he</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> would try and</font> understand<font color="#E5E5E5"> his father instead of judging</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">him and he went through a process</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> where</font> my father was<font color="#CCCCCC"> born a serf we got freed</font> later on<font color="#E5E5E5"> but he was</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> basically a slave</font> his father beat him he was never allowed to<font color="#E5E5E5"> go into the kind</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of work that he</font> wanted<font color="#CCCCCC"> to so no wonder</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he became an</font> alcoholic<font color="#E5E5E5"> who beat me he can't help it</font> instead<font color="#CCCCCC"> of hating</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> him I'm gonna love my</font> father<font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm gonna try</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and love him for</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">this human being for this fact of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> nature</font> that can't<font color="#E5E5E5"> help himself</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> but is</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> my father</font> for who he is<font color="#E5E5E5"> and in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that moment he had</font> a total<font color="#E5E5E5"> epiphany and transformation that</font> by getting<font color="#CCCCCC"> rid of his negative emotions</font> towards people he was like free he was liberated<font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font> I've experienced this myself<font color="#E5E5E5"> my</font> meditation to go through<font color="#E5E5E5"> just an hour or</font> half an hour<font color="#E5E5E5"> of freeing yourself from</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">all your negative emotions</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> about</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">it's as almost as if you're gonna fly in</font> the air<font color="#CCCCCC"> you feel so light</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and suddenly</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">gotten rid of all of your</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> burdens all</font> the things<font color="#E5E5E5"> that are weighing you down</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">accepting people and loving them for who</font> they<font color="#CCCCCC"> are is an incredibly liberating</font> thing<font color="#E5E5E5"> now you can't do that for</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> everyone</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">some people are so toxic</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and ugly that</font> you're<font color="#E5E5E5"> never gonna reach a point where</font> you're<font color="#E5E5E5"> gonna love them but you can</font> understand them and an<font color="#E5E5E5"> understanding</font> them you<font color="#E5E5E5"> don't have to internalize that</font> the pain they inflict on you this is he changed his attitude<font color="#E5E5E5"> towards</font> people<font color="#CCCCCC"> and towards life and it changed</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">everything</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that came to him later on he</font> became<font color="#CCCCCC"> a successful</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> doctor</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and later a</font> great writer<font color="#E5E5E5"> the two brothers of the</font> same reality the same world that<font color="#E5E5E5"> they</font> were<font color="#E5E5E5"> looking at the same family one</font> looked at it through this of empathy and<font color="#E5E5E5"> love the other legit</font> through resentment and bitterness<font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font> one person<font color="#CCCCCC"> Chekhov</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> got famous and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">successful</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and and there fulfilled life</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">the others</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> just descended</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> into suicide</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and alcoholism so your attitude is will</font> mean what you get in life<font color="#E5E5E5"> you know you</font> will sabotage yourself<font color="#E5E5E5"> with your</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">attitude</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> so if I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> got all</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> bitter and</font> railed against fate for making me who I am<font color="#E5E5E5"> for</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> this stroke that ruined my life</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that took away everything</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that I value I</font> can't<font color="#E5E5E5"> travel I can't drive</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I would</font> become<font color="#E5E5E5"> a different</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> person</font> I would become somebody who limited my scope of activity<font color="#E5E5E5"> but by</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> accepting it by</font> saying<font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> not</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> gonna let this happen</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm</font> going to accept it<font color="#CCCCCC"> i widen my scope of</font> activity<font color="#CCCCCC"> I do things that I normally</font> wouldn't<font color="#E5E5E5"> do if I became all angry and</font> avoidant and anxious amor fati<font color="#CCCCCC"> yes</font> exactly tell<font color="#CCCCCC"> people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> what</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that means</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> well it's a</font> Latin<font color="#CCCCCC"> expression that literally</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> means</font> love of fate and<font color="#E5E5E5"> it's it was created by</font> the<font color="#CCCCCC"> German philosopher Friedrich</font> Nietzsche it's one of my great icons in life one of<font color="#E5E5E5"> my favorite</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> writers and</font> basically his idea was that we humans normally<font color="#E5E5E5"> go through</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the life kind</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of not</font> accepting things we want things to be <font color="#E5E5E5">different from the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> way they are we want</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">to have a better wife or husband we want</font> our children to<font color="#CCCCCC"> be better</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> we don't like</font> the<font color="#E5E5E5"> political system we want this sort</font> of utopia to suddenly come<font color="#E5E5E5"> about we want</font> people to be<font color="#E5E5E5"> different</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we want this we</font> want<font color="#E5E5E5"> that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and to Nietzsche</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that men you</font> are<font color="#CCCCCC"> anti-life</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you are against life</font> because<font color="#CCCCCC"> life isn't</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> like</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> life is a</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">series</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of facts life is what it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> is</font> we've evolved a certain way your<font color="#E5E5E5"> reality</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">is a certain way it is what it is</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and by</font> putting<font color="#E5E5E5"> a guessing</font> you hate life you<font color="#E5E5E5"> one love life you one</font> love fate and what fate means things happen to you<font color="#E5E5E5"> you can't control you</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">didn't control who your parents are</font> you didn't control<font color="#E5E5E5"> what city you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> were</font> born<font color="#CCCCCC"> into what school you went into</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you</font> didn't control<font color="#E5E5E5"> whether you were born</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">rich or poor right there's much</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you</font> can't<font color="#E5E5E5"> control that's fate accept it for</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">what it is stop whining</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and stop going I</font> want<font color="#E5E5E5"> something else</font> embrace your world<font color="#E5E5E5"> your life the fear of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">death is probably</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the greatest influence</font> on<font color="#E5E5E5"> our behavior throughout history</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">we're the only</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> animal that's conscious</font> of our mortality<font color="#CCCCCC"> and it's caused an</font> incredible reaction<font color="#CCCCCC"> we're a void and</font> we're<font color="#E5E5E5"> anxious we invent an afterlife a</font> heaven where<font color="#E5E5E5"> we'll</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> all go right or today</font> we never see death<font color="#CCCCCC"> we never see people</font> die in hospitals<font color="#E5E5E5"> we never see the</font> animals that we<font color="#E5E5E5"> being killed</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we have no</font> confrontation with death<font color="#E5E5E5"> personally in</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">our life completely disconnected</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> from it</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">it makes us anxious and fearful and that</font> controls everything about our<font color="#CCCCCC"> behavior</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">we become anxious and fearful</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> about</font> everything<font color="#E5E5E5"> so the ability to accept</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">death and look at square in the eye and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">accept this is your reality</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that you're</font> not<font color="#E5E5E5"> going</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> live forever</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> is very</font> liberating so<font color="#E5E5E5"> amor fati is a step from turning your</font> back<font color="#E5E5E5"> let's face this way going there's</font> life and I hate<font color="#CCCCCC"> it I don't want to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">turnin running and facing</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it going</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font> accept it I love it I embrace<font color="#CCCCCC"> it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and it</font> has a very powerful effect<font color="#E5E5E5"> let's go a</font> little<font color="#E5E5E5"> deeper on that so with your</font> recent<font color="#E5E5E5"> essentially moment where you</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">couldn't help but</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> look at</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> death what</font> have you learned what have you taken <font color="#CCCCCC">away from that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> knowing as a writer you</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">have</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> shown time</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and time again</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that you</font> see things<font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> offered and</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">counterintuitive</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> so what what was it in</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">that maybe</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> even surprised you well</font> the<font color="#E5E5E5"> experience itself</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> on a physical</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">level was very weird because I didn't</font> experience<font color="#E5E5E5"> the stroke as it was</font> happening<font color="#CCCCCC"> it was almost an outer-body</font> thing so my wife<font color="#E5E5E5"> noticed I was acting</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> very</font> strangely my whole body was full of <font color="#E5E5E5">weird and everything and then</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I blanked</font> out and I was<font color="#E5E5E5"> basically kind of in a</font> coma<font color="#E5E5E5"> or</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> not conscious for about 10-15</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">minutes</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and and then I was taken out of</font> it at<font color="#E5E5E5"> the hospital</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and I kind of freaked</font> out<font color="#E5E5E5"> like what's happening</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to me where am</font> i what<font color="#CCCCCC"> happened</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to my body so it was a</font> kind of a weird<font color="#E5E5E5"> out-of-body experience</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that I think I'm still</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> kind of</font> recovering<font color="#CCCCCC"> from the other thing was I</font> did a book with<font color="#CCCCCC"> $0.50</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> called the 50th</font> love and I hung out with<font color="#CCCCCC"> 50 for several</font> months<font color="#E5E5E5"> he's a great guy</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> we're still</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">friends 50 had an even worse near-death</font> experience than I was he<font color="#E5E5E5"> was shot nine</font> times<font color="#E5E5E5"> very close range</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> well it went</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">through his jaw</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> he came this</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> close to</font> dying<font color="#CCCCCC"> and he said and I've noticed</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it in</font> him since then that<font color="#E5E5E5"> nothing can faze him</font> after that <font color="#E5E5E5">how can he be</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> afraid of anything</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in life</font> once he came that close<font color="#E5E5E5"> to death</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> so he</font> has this<font color="#E5E5E5"> kind of Zen calmness</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that I've</font> witnessed<font color="#E5E5E5"> you don't think of 50 as being</font> Zen and calm you think it was this angry <font color="#E5E5E5">kind of thug like rapper but in real</font> life<font color="#E5E5E5"> he's incredibly calm person who</font> never seems to get riled<font color="#E5E5E5"> by things well</font> I've had a little<font color="#E5E5E5"> bit</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> of that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> effect</font> myself<font color="#CCCCCC"> so I've noticed the people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> around</font> me<font color="#E5E5E5"> like my mother or other people</font> they're all freaking<font color="#E5E5E5"> out about what's</font> happened to me my god got a kid you <font color="#E5E5E5">might fall</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you might</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> do this</font> and I I<font color="#E5E5E5"> don't care really I don't feel</font> calm I feel more calm than<font color="#E5E5E5"> I felt in a</font> long<font color="#E5E5E5"> time so that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> was kind of a</font> counterintuitive thing that I wasn't <font color="#E5E5E5">expecting now is that because</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you feel</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">like there's nothing left</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to take away</font> now every day<font color="#E5E5E5"> is a gift</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> or what is it</font> what is<font color="#E5E5E5"> the calmness born of it's</font> definitely that and then it's definitely <font color="#CCCCCC">it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> helps the fact</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that I've written this</font> is my sixth book the loss of<font color="#E5E5E5"> human</font> nature<font color="#E5E5E5"> was sort of like</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> my ultimate I</font> like vomited out<font color="#E5E5E5"> of</font> everything that<font color="#CCCCCC"> I had built</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> over the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">last 20 years</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> into this one book</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> all the</font> things I've<font color="#CCCCCC"> learned all my anger I got</font> it<font color="#E5E5E5"> out into this one book so</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> if I die I</font> don't have to run every regrets<font color="#E5E5E5"> you know</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">I yeah I'd like to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> write a seventh and</font> an eighth book I have other ideas<font color="#CCCCCC"> but I</font> could die and<font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm okay</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I lived a great</font> life<font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> talked a lot about that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> in</font> mastery<font color="#CCCCCC"> and in this book that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the worst</font> feeling in<font color="#CCCCCC"> the world</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> is to be facing</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">death and to think damn</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and I've wasted</font> my life<font color="#E5E5E5"> and I want people out there to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">realize that if your 20s and your 30s</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">you don't want to reach that point you</font> don't<font color="#CCCCCC"> want to waste your time</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> and become</font> 55:58<font color="#E5E5E5"> have a stroke face death and what</font> have<font color="#E5E5E5"> you done nothing</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you've moved from</font> job to job<font color="#CCCCCC"> you try this you tried that</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">with</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> half an energy you really have</font> nothing<font color="#E5E5E5"> to look back on that's the worst</font> feeling so you know I don't have<font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">problem</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I don't think so that's part of</font> how I'm able<font color="#CCCCCC"> to stay calm</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but the other</font> thing is you say bring it on what worse <font color="#CCCCCC">can happen</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I've already experienced it</font> you<font color="#CCCCCC"> know I'm somebody who has a great</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">deal of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> fear of death</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> and now I had to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">deal with</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it so yeah it's alright it's</font> not<font color="#CCCCCC"> that bad I can handle it that is</font> amazing<font color="#E5E5E5"> thank you for sharing that yeah</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">all right before I ask</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> my last question</font> yeah<font color="#E5E5E5"> these guys where they can find you</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">online</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> well I have my old website that</font> I've kept together<font color="#E5E5E5"> which is</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> WWD our</font> seduction and<font color="#CCCCCC"> war.com the and is spelled</font> out so<font color="#E5E5E5"> power seduction and war calm and</font> on there you'll find links<font color="#E5E5E5"> to the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">mastery my pages on mastery and to my</font> new book the<font color="#E5E5E5"> laws of human nature</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> for</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">some reason I've just kept the old</font> address<font color="#CCCCCC"> so that's where you</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> can find</font> everything<font color="#CCCCCC"> all right</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> perfect</font> my last<font color="#CCCCCC"> question yes</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> what's the impact</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">that you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> want to have</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on the world well</font> I want to<font color="#E5E5E5"> have the largest impact</font> possible<font color="#E5E5E5"> so I'm grandiose you know which</font> is one<font color="#E5E5E5"> of the chapters in the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> book you</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">know I don't I'm going</font> ambitious person<font color="#CCCCCC"> I don't write</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> books</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">please my ego</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> to make people laugh or to</font> entertain I want to<font color="#E5E5E5"> influence them</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I want to get</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">inside your skin inside your brain and</font> alter how you look at the world and so I believe<font color="#CCCCCC"> from the emails I've gotten from</font> lots of readers<font color="#E5E5E5"> and</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> people I've talked</font> to<font color="#E5E5E5"> that my books have had that effect</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">that you don't don't read my books they</font> get<font color="#E5E5E5"> under your skin</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and you're thinking</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> about them years</font> later<font color="#CCCCCC"> and I consciously</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> design that for</font> that<font color="#CCCCCC"> reason I seduce you into</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> following</font> me I tell you stories I don't preach<font color="#E5E5E5"> or</font> tell you this is what it<font color="#CCCCCC"> is I tell</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you a</font> story<font color="#CCCCCC"> each</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> chapter is begin with a story</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">to gently bring you into my world and</font> into my ideas I want to<font color="#E5E5E5"> get under your</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">skin I want to change how</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> look at</font> the world<font color="#E5E5E5"> because I don't think I'm not</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">doing</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> for evil purposes</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I think my</font> way of<font color="#E5E5E5"> looking at the world will help</font> you<font color="#CCCCCC"> I know because</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I get a lot of email</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">from people</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> from mastery mastery has</font> helped a<font color="#CCCCCC"> lot of</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> people find their way</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> in</font> life<font color="#E5E5E5"> find their path to a career that is</font> fulfilling<font color="#CCCCCC"> and to know how to discipline</font> themselves so I<font color="#CCCCCC"> think that my</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">perspective will have a beneficial</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">effect on you maybe I'm just deluding</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">myself</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but I think</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that and so I want</font> the<font color="#E5E5E5"> biggest impact possible</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I want to</font> change how you<font color="#CCCCCC"> look at the world and so</font> with the laws of<font color="#E5E5E5"> human</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> nature I want to</font> change<font color="#E5E5E5"> how you look</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> at people normally</font> everything<font color="#E5E5E5"> is personal</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> oh they said that</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">oh they don't like me oh he likes me she</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">I'm not getting</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> attention</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> cut that off</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font> want you<font color="#E5E5E5"> to look at people as facts of</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">nature as things</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that like a rock or</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a</font> stone or a plant this is who they are <font color="#E5E5E5">and I want you to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> observe</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> them and</font> accept<font color="#E5E5E5"> them for who</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> they are and deal</font> with<font color="#E5E5E5"> them as individuals</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you will</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> be</font> free<font color="#CCCCCC"> of all that emotional baggage</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">you carry when you take</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> everything so</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">personally I think</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> altering your</font> perspective how you look at people well a<font color="#E5E5E5"> radical influence</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> on all aspects of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your life</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> so I want to have the biggest</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">impact that</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> possibly can and that's</font> how I<font color="#E5E5E5"> write try and design my books for</font> all<font color="#CCCCCC"> right guys read this</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> book in fact</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">read everything this man has ever</font> written<font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm telling you he is absolutely</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">right these are books that get under</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your skin</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> they</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> will change the way</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> that</font> you look at the world they<font color="#E5E5E5"> will change</font> the way<font color="#E5E5E5"> that you look at human nature</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">and most importantly if you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> let it they</font> will<font color="#E5E5E5"> change the way you look at yourself</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> we didn't even</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> get into some</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of the</font> extraordinary<font color="#E5E5E5"> stuff that he talked about</font> in the<font color="#E5E5E5"> book about how</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> you develop</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">self-esteem the story that you tell</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">yourself how you construct</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> your sense of</font> self<font color="#CCCCCC"> how</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it's used both as a mask and as</font> a way to reflect back<font color="#E5E5E5"> on</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> yourself it is</font> incredibly<font color="#CCCCCC"> extraordinary and as you go</font> on<font color="#E5E5E5"> the journey of reading the book if</font> you're open to<font color="#CCCCCC"> it you will</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> see</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> yourself</font> in many of the darker elements of<font color="#E5E5E5"> human</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">nature I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> am sad</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to say that I</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> think all</font> of us will see bits and pieces of <font color="#E5E5E5">ourselves through all of the 18 laws of</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">human nature</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> not all</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> of them are</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">flattering</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but if you're willing to</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">really get that level of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> understanding</font> like he said from there<font color="#E5E5E5"> you can change</font> yourself<font color="#CCCCCC"> but if you don't first</font> understand yourself then that<font color="#E5E5E5"> is</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">absolutely hopeless</font> and that has really<font color="#CCCCCC"> been the</font> extraordinary journey that he's taken us on as readers<font color="#E5E5E5"> are</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> are through all six of</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">his books is to just understand</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> as he</font> called other people facts<font color="#CCCCCC"> of nature I</font> think<font color="#CCCCCC"> that's so interesting and to see</font> yourself in that<font color="#E5E5E5"> pantheon as well to</font> understand<font color="#E5E5E5"> that there are parts of you</font> that<font color="#CCCCCC"> are just facts of nature and to</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">really</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> come to understand those is to</font> come to understand<font color="#CCCCCC"> yourself is to be a</font> master<font color="#CCCCCC"> of yourself and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that journey is</font> something that I'm<font color="#CCCCCC"> extraordinary really</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">grateful</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to him for laying out</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in this</font> book so eloquently<font color="#CCCCCC"> I think it is worth</font> every second that<font color="#E5E5E5"> you'll spend on it I</font> cannot<font color="#E5E5E5"> highly recommend it enough all</font> right guys<font color="#CCCCCC"> if you haven't</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> already be</font> sure<font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> subscribe and until next time my</font> friends<font color="#E5E5E5"> be legendary</font> [Applause] <font color="#CCCCCC">hey impact</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> this</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I hope you loved that</font> episode with Robert<font color="#CCCCCC"> Greene and now I</font> 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Channel: Tom Bilyeu
Views: 413,412
Rating: 4.906774 out of 5
Keywords: Tom Bilyeu, Impact Theory, ImpactTheory, TomBilyeu, Inside Quest, InsideQuest, Tom Bilyou, Theory Impact, motivation, inspiration, talk show, interview, motivational speech, robert greene, 48 laws of power, robert greene impact theory, robert greene tom bilyeu, how to master your dark side, laws of human nature, mastery
Id: LjGqpic7pS4
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 49min 24sec (2964 seconds)
Published: Tue Dec 18 2018
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