How to Rise With Strength When Your World is Crashing Down Around You | Cynthia Pasquella-Garcia

I'm Lisa B Leah and I went from housewife to co-found and a billion dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact Theory our mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact the scene opens with a five-year-old girl sitting on the floor of a house with no running water or plumbing a house ridden with alcohol and drug abuse a house that welcomed a sexual abuser to bare hands on her cut two years later scene opens with that now grown woman sitting on her livingroom floor the dr. pepper in one hand and handful of pills in the other yeah it had come to that she was broke lived with chronic fatigue cystic acne breakouts and memory loss with no found solutions so when she found a lump in each breast well she hit rock bottom but this is not a tragic Hollywood movie and it's not where the end credits begin it's an accurate telling of where today's women of impact found herself and her story definitely didn't end there in that moment she realized something it was happening for a reason and that gave her life meaning so she picked herself back up off the floor took herself off autopilot and finally for the first time took the steering wheel of her own life and nutrition seemed the first logical gear now 15 years later she is founder and CEO of the Institute of transformational nutrition where she combines science psychology and spiritual practices to help thousands of clients ranging from stay-at-home moms to celebrities to fortune 500 CEOs to transform not just their bodies and health but their relationships and business referred to as the transformation nutritionist she's often called to share her expertise on the doctors doctor filled the Today Show revenge body with Khloe Kardashian Harper's Bazaar and shaper magazine all just to name a few now the voice and example of what is truly possible she is igniting bigger conversations around transformation and what it actually takes to live a more meaningful life so guys please help me in welcoming the best-selling author of the smash hit the hungry hottie cookbook and the pink method the woman whose transformation and evolution knows no bounds the woman I am proud to call my good friend my sunshine on a cloudy day Cynthia Pasquale Garcia I don't even know how to respond to that I had no idea that's where you were going to start that really yeah my palms are sweaty and yeah I'm really why that's a great question I think you know when someone else it's one thing to live your story and you just take it as it comes but when someone else you hear someone else verbalizing those things about you it's just it sometimes takes me aback I guess does it bring everything back up like that reminds you the realness of that versus it's just the story you yeah yeah for sure because you know the interesting thing is over the years I've done so much work right and it never goes away it just never goes away there's always more work to be done more opportunities to see more understandings to be had and more progress to make truly life is transformation if you allow that right and so but that's okay I don't I don't think Lisa I ever want to be numb to that or to I don't want to ever get to a place where I hear that and it doesn't affect me in some way because that will have meant that I've lost touch with who I really am and where I really came from and why I do the work that I do every day then how do you keep it how do you stay in touch with it without letting the emotion of what you felt in that moment destroy you now hmm well that goes back to the work I've done right I didn't have those tools when I was that woman and that child now I do and so it's through these tools and these techniques it's not like I just evolved or transformed into a brand new person overnight and those things just went away and I'm like ah you know I got is I deal with it every day but now I have tools and so let's talk about those tools because I know like me you are massive fan of actually giving takeaways that people can take and implement in their rulers to actually make change yeah so the first thing we've known each other for a while now and I knew your story but I didn't know the the extreme of your story you didn't portray it to be as severe as I understood it to be after going down your path of research mmm going through your story the one thing that struck me so hard is how do you not become the victim because girl I think like oh yes I got bullied when I was younger I got you know and then I hear your story and I'm like if there was anybody on this planet that could say yeah I'm a victim and why me and my life is it was what you went through and how do you not stay there how do you what are the tours in fact that you've taught yourself to not stay the victim yeah I firmly believe that being a victim is a choice I know when I say that it might trigger people and they might be like I didn't choose to have these things happen to me I didn't choose you know the abuse I didn't choose these circumstances and situations and and I hear that and I fully respect that and I acknowledge that what I chose Lisa was to not stay in this victimhood mode I chose to use that and to recognize that these things are happening for me if they weren't they wouldn't be happening and then find the opportunities in each of those things so I didn't have to stay a victim right so you can stay in that place or you can actively choose to allow those things that pain to become your greatest superpower as you like to say and you can leverage that with the understanding of what what is this why is this coming into my life what is this here to teach me how can I learn from this how can i leverage this into something bigger right and then you set off on that path to find that for me it was also about survival and when I did hit rock bottom and I was so angry and it was my last moments I thought here and I started saying and I was angry at you know the people who I went to for help who couldn't help me I was angry at myself for getting to that place I was angry at God like what kind of God allows this to happen to people once I got there I realized that that was me being a victim right and when I heard that voice that night that said this hasn't happened to you it happened for you I said then what's it all for what is it all for we're all here for a reason right otherwise you wouldn't be here and we're meant to learn things in this earth school like take the curriculum you're here you might want to try to take the curriculum right and that's what I chose to do and everyone has that choice now I'm not gonna sit here and just be flippant and be like I would just choose something different because it's not that easy and there are days when I just want to wallow and being a victim but that takes away in my power and I still from time to time will kick and scream and that's okay it's human we can all feel that but at the end of the day you have to make the choice or not to transform that pain into power and leverage that opportunity yeah absolutely so why do you think we try to eliminate pain or avoid pain when you know you're saying it can be so powerful which I completely agree but yeah most people run away from it yeah it's because it's painful no one just wallow and transformation you know no one wants to just sit and feel there's a reason we numb there's a reason we're on our phones and social media and we drink and we do drugs so we have sex with random people like there's a reason because it's painful because a lot of these emotions are tied to severe traumas and triggers in our lives right but the pain is the way through and and underneath these feelings and these emotions that we have there are lessons and there are learnings and there are opportunities and and it's about taking that away it's about uncovering and sifting through and sitting still long enough to feel but here's the other thing I want to say about emotions and why don't we feel because sometime we don't know how to feel now here's what I mean by that an emotion last for 90 seconds just 90 seconds now you might be a lot girl I have been on the floor for hours wallowing kicking screaming crying and I have 12 Celine Dion on the loop for hours let you go to know the emotion itself yes 90 seconds the thing that makes it last for hours and days and years are the stories that we tell ourselves that we continue to tell ourselves if we were to truly just feel an emotion and sit with that and it'll pass in 90 seconds but we don't do that right we start thinking and feeding into it and start replaying the scene over and over in our minds we start thinking I should have done this I should have said this what if I would have done this years ago right and that keeps it alive and it keeps it going when if we can let that go it will pass and the greater knowledge of that pain will come through and that's when we can take a step back and logically look at it and say okay now what do I do with this I love that so much because it really is stories are so powerful but we're not aware of the stories we tell ourselves that's right very and so that's why I love it explain to me your three E's which are freaking amazing yes so one of the reasons we tell ourselves stories is to back up the beliefs that we already have about ourselves so humans do this really crazy thing called looping right and we have something called a negativity bias which is we want to believe just the worst the worst possible situation outcome all of those things it's a survival mechanism right we need to be aware that there might be a tiger in that cave if we go in right but it's not like that anymore for most of us we don't hang out around caves where Tigers Ibn but we don't know that right we haven't evolved to that point so it's it's okay it's human nature we do it and here's the key you just got to be aware of it so that's that's the first thing is understanding that we have these beliefs we want to always believe the worst we loop which means if we have an opportunity to believe the best or the worst about something we'll choose the worst every time so here's how beliefs are formed it's made up of three e's there's an event that happens there are the emotions that are felt and then there's the explanation that you give it okay so let me give you an example an example I like to use because most of us experience trauma that sets the course for the rest of our lives before the age of eight we establish easily a right before the age of eight most of these things are already rooted in the core essence of who we think that we are and we've chosen to be right so let's say Lisa you bring home your report card and you sit down and good so your parents sit down and they say Lisa this is unacceptable the grades have to come up if you want to do something with your life make money contribute to the world this is not okay we won't allow this to happen so here's what we're gonna do and maybe they set some boundaries for you and and that's it great so better come up unacceptable that's the event it's just an event that happened but how do you feel what are those emotions probably doesn't feel so good parents are disappointed in you you always on the island you feel like you failed right so that's your emotion the explanation you give it I'm a failure so for the rest of your life that's a belief right the event that happened the emotions you felt the explanation that you gave it I'm a failure so now that you've formed that belief you'll spend the rest of your life looking for evidence to prove that that's true right you start a new business something goes sideways I'm a failure you get stood up for that hot date that you had on Friday night it's me I'm a failure right it was something I said or something I did I knew I shouldn't sent that last text message I'm a failure reinforcing that belief in myself flooping yeah looping because we have this negativity bias right so that's how beliefs get formed and that's what we turn to every time we everytime something in our life happens and we feel these heavy emotions this pain we go back to those beliefs we start reliving them over and over we start feeding into them again and that's why we're on the floor wallowing in pain three and a half days later yeah but but here's the good news okay so now that you know this remember awareness is the first step to change the first step to transformation now everything in your life where you have these beliefs that are rooted you can go back and revisit that event and you can say okay so I remember feeling like I was a failure when my parents set me down over the report card that's the event what other explanation could you give it as opposed to being like why I'm a failure what else could have been happening well maybe Lisa your parents just wanted something better for you than what they had maybe it was the only way they knew to communicate and tell you the importance of showing up in the world and doing your best because they they love you and they want you to have a great future well if that's the explanation what's the emotion you see you work backwards you with me so now what do you feel probably happy probably relieved really loved and cares about you enough to push you and the event was just your parents loving you it's just something that happened right you don't have to feel those deep-seated painful emotions when you give it a different explanation yeah yeah when I heard that it like hit me like a ton of bricks because it really is about the unwire ring right yeah like don't get so traumatized over where you are right now and who you are like no it's possible that you can on the wire that you can unlearn it that's right but people is goes back to the belief they almost don't believe that they can do it what is that first step for people to start that yeah break them open innocence I don't I don't know that it's that they believe they can't do it mmm I don't know that that's what's going on I think what's going on is they don't feel they're worth doing it so many of us feel worthless and hopeless and like we don't deserve good things in our lives we feel unworthy mostly because of those beliefs that were developed when we're young so why would I work to overcome beliefs I'm right where I'm supposed to be why I don't deserve that why would I do the work so how do you get people to see that they're worth it let me tell you a quick story when I was going through my own transformation I'd hit rock bottom I decided to come out of it I started with nutrition quickly realized it was tied to my thoughts and my trauma and then my connection my spiritual connection to something bigger how do I get back on the right track how do I find my value I I went to this coach and I sat down with her and I told her I mean I came out right it was just like here it is and it was crying and sobbing the ugly cry and at the end she said it's okay I know exactly what you need and I thought hallelujah praise Jesus a girl of a rod tell me everything and she said you just have to love yourself it took every bit of self-control that I have ever even thought about having not to just Lots myself on this lady like Thumba because that had never occurred to me that if I just loved my foot life would be so much better and even to this day you're people talking about when you got to love yourself you just gotta love you're so you that's crazy like we can just turn a switch and make it happen so well how do you how do you love yourself well you could start by not hating yourself right that's a good place to start but but I don't you can't just go to self-love here's what I've been really interested in lately I've been really peeking around behind the self love and this this idea of ourselves that we've created and what if we didn't have to love ourselves what if we didn't have that kind of pressure because here's what happens when people say you just got to love yourself just have self-love it's the most important thing it will change everything well now you just set me up for another failure in my life that I don't know ah because if you don't love yourself you failed how can you love yourself we're trying to love yourself when you really just don't you ever been in that place where instead of loving you loathe yourself every second you show up in the world is just a disaster to tell someone like that to just love themselves you're just you're not helping them I'd like to peek behind this self that we're supposed to love and I just like to get to know her and I wonder if through that process I can just let her be who she needs to be and not who I want her to be okay what if what if I could just see her and accept her what if I just said Wow she's been through some stuff and she deals with it and this and this in this way cool you cannot love yourself if you have no idea who you are and most of us don't we're trying to love an idea of who we wish we were not who we are currently and that's why we fail so much when it comes to this idea just loving yourself yeah when it comes to self-love that's why we fail most of us have no idea who we are how can you love someone when you don't know anything about them we have been so busy trying to become who they say we should be that we have no idea who we are so instead of just loving this idealized version of yourself that you haven't even made happen yet what if you just kind of accepted yourself the way you were what if you said sometimes I just I feel broken I kind of am broken but that's okay because that's how the light gets in and that's what I was gonna ask cuz a lot of people this is a fascinating conversation I loved having because a lot of people say love this out do you know love yourself the way you are and usually they're people that pride themselves on growth yeah and that's where it comes like how do you love yourself just the way you are and at the same time saying you're not good enough yet to get to where you want to go how do you do both so Krishnamurti I love this quote he said when you begin to understand what you are without trying to change then what you are undergoes a transformation you begin to understand what you are you're not trying to change it what you are undergoes a transformation so I said earlier most of us have no idea who we are and that's true we see people and lifestyles and and we that's an idea of what we want to achieve but do we really and why who are you really what do you enjoy I use this example I was coaching this woman in her 50s one time and I said look tomorrow we're gonna do what you want to do you're gonna just live your best life here whatever makes you happy whatever lights you up and I said what would that be so if money more in an object what would you do what is it that just lights you up make sure shake your tail feathers happy and she said and she dropped her head and she started sobbing and she looked up at me but just tears just this woman had broken open and she said I have no idea she had been so busy being a mother being a wife she had no idea she had lost track of who she was ask someone what are your hobbies what makes you happy other than your children and your husband what is that what feeds you most people have no idea but if you could figure that out then maybe you could start to understand why you are the way you are maybe then you could start to accept who you are pain bruises broken and all and let that just be okay because now you're understanding what you are right when you can do that and you get to that core visceral knowledge then you can say but how do I want to be better when you get that person to accept themselves to understand what they are and why and then they can see the potential in their life those are the game changers those are the people that set the world on fire with their talents with their passions they crush it love yourself and do great things and do you think then that phrase love yourself is kind of setting people up for disaster I think it can I think it totally can I think there's a lot of information in the world especially on social media that's meant to do a lot of good that does way more harm than good we don't always allow people to be who they need to be instead we try to bring them along on this journey that they're not even trying to be on but they think they should be on and then we set them up for failure because we don't explain the house the whys I was listening to a podcast and the advice was just get over it and just to do it just show up and do the work just to get over it I've been through so much in my life I got over it you need to get over it I've never been so mad so look I know that you've got over it okay I know that you've done the work but when you show up in all your enlightened goodness and you stand on your pedestal and you preach to the masses that they just need to get over it and be like you and be awesome the way you are you're not helping anyone as a matter of fact you're doing a lot of harm you're hurting a lot of people how dare you how dare you knowing what it takes to get to the point that you're at how dare you do that now I don't know about this person I don't know them personally maybe they had no ill harm doesn't matter right and I don't think that people show up to be malicious I don't I do however feel that you have a responsibility for what you're putting out into the world so if you create a diet for example and you didn't research that well and that ends up hurting some people that's on you if you give some people who are struggling with trauma and these triggers but worthiness in their life you give them advice that says just get over it because I did and you should too you're not helping them right we need to start a bigger conversation we need to understand that people need tools they need practical information they need to be able to be who they are and know that that's perfect they don't need to be here where you are right now they'll get there or they won't but that's okay no one talks about acceptance right and acknowledging who we are so that we can then start to embrace that and change it so take me back to your on the floor you've got your dr. pepper in one hand and you've got the pills in the other and you just at this point I couldn't even possibly imagine what you were feeling just reading obviously what you've been through you're in that moment it's so easy to take the pills right it's like looking at the two paths that lie ahead of you in that moment it's it's easy take the pills down what do you think are the things that you can say to that person that encourages them that the hard way is actually the best way mm-hmm I think the biggest message is just you're worth it you're worth it you are worth it how do you actually believe that so I know you said that earlier yeah um but look I've been in moments I've never been that extreme but where like I'm just crying and it just won't stop and I just feel like there's no end and I say to myself in that moment you're worth it but I don't believe it yeah so what is that charlie mation then yeah and you may not you know and the person on the floor may not believe it I didn't and again I heard well you're meant for greatness now look greatness I'm meant for greatness I had grown up with the people closest to me telling me I was hopeless worthless would never amount to anything and you're telling me I'm meant for greatness but I am and so were you and so is everyone listening I don't have anything inside of me that you don't have or that everyone doesn't have but we don't feel worthy of this power we don't feel worthy of our own power to understand who we are and transform and pick herself up off the floor and say I am worthy I am going to do something so we project that on to other people we projected on the teachers the gurus the trainers the spiritual leaders right and we give them that power they don't have anything that you don't have we just don't feel worthy of accepting it right but if you weren't worthy you wouldn't be here and this is happening for you it's happening for you what if we could just Lisa take a step back sometimes and instead of wallowing in those feelings like we all love to do myself included but what if we just said it's okay you know I've been doing this thing lately and I call it notice a name right so what you do is you just notice how you're feeling in the moment and this will also by the way stop you from telling the stories and feeding into those old beliefs okay so you just stop and you feel what am i feeling in this moment where am i feeling it because here's the thing if you can get out of your head and into your body that'll stop the stories you'll that you know I wonder why I wonder why but just noticing and naming instead of trying to push it away and them out is huge right again back to those tips and practical tools that you can use just let it be it's okay it's okay to feel that way we've been told that it's not that we need to be strong women right that we need to show up in the world that we need to just make happen all of these things which is fine great do that and sometimes just show up for you I that leads me to an amazing quote that you have which oh but I just like we expect it to be rock stars in the boardroom a porn star in the bedroom and looked like Barbie dolls while doing it but that's not even the crazy part the crazy part is we bite into it yeah so yeah talk to me about that because as you were saying right it's like there's all these expectations we feel like we have to fill all these things but the worst thing isn't even the people putting expectations on us the worst thing is we put their expectation on ourself that's right that's right yeah and you know I hear so often and people talking about how it's the side fault but it's the media yep always my upbringing is my parents right bad that's just giving up your power yeah that's just passing the buck it's just pushing the blame off instead of taking that on yourself you chose to believe that you chose to look at her in that magazine and decide that that's how you should look even when you can because it's not your body type you chose that see here's the thing when you can accept that back to accepting right and you can say yeah I did well that's when you take back your power from the media from society from everyone that you've given it up to right a lot of us do this in little tiny ways that we don't even realize right you ever get dressed and you say what do you think what do you think about this or I'm gonna buy this do you what do you think yeah well what does it matter what don't you think right it's a little thing because we all want to be loved and accepted right and just we all no one wants to be weird and stand out because that's not cool but it's really about your power and we give it up in little tiny ways like that all the time so if we can start just taking it back in those little ways I don't care what you think I'd like it I'm gonna buy it you know then we start that process and again it creates the awareness so that the next time that starts to slide out of your mat woody yeah hear what you think I'm going to do me right well I got a question for you yeah you do that in your business all the time do you see I don't when am I making decisions like unless it's like okay this needs to be discussed with my business partner my husband mm-hmm but I'm actually quite easy at making business decisions when the pressures on like if it comes to me I'm like yeah yeah yeah but when it comes to myself when it comes to where I'm gonna eat dinner when it happen what I'm gonna wear I'm always turning to Tonka what do you think do you cuz I'm a pleaser as well yeah so it's weird how there's that personality that can really lock it when it comes to making decisions on you know a bigger scale on business but when it comes to emotion mmm-hmm how I feel I find it harder I wonder why I know I wonder why let's say that I wonder - so explain to me the one that I wonder game and then let's play it yeah okay so the I wonder game it goes back to just sort of lightening up with ourselves right and not beating ourselves up when we don't look like the woman in the magazine and we don't have the success of the woman next door or whatever the case might be the first step is starting to pay attention to your feelings how does that make you feel right because we know it gets into the beliefs and so on and so forth well it makes me feel like I'm not good enough I wonder why I wonder I just wonder I don't know I wonder well because you know when I see people having success that I don't have I feel like I'll never get there I wonder why well because I remember people telling me when I was younger I would never be anything I would never amount to anything you start tracing it back you just wonder and sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn't I wonder why it's not coming right it's okay you just just relax into who you are I was gonna say is that like Russia yeah yeah I mean if you ever tried to do something under pressure like here's the thing I have a friend who's a graphic designer she'll design beautiful work for other clients when it comes to her own website it's been like five years now still doesn't have it up and running because there's so much pressure when it's you to show up in the world because we are so afraid of what will they think what will they say right and that paralyzes us I wonder why you're afraid of what they'll think or say you just trace it back right get back to the earliest earliest memory you have a feeling that way right what is it triggering and then once you figure out what that event was dismantle the beliefs equation no you don't have that belief you'll start to feel like that less and less now this is a process it doesn't happen overnight it takes time so not overnight over time and you can do it and every time it gets easier and you start to become more aware of it and it starts to become a habit right so like notice a name now I notice it and I just call it out and I accept it it's okay I you feel like a crazy person yeah so do I all the time like it just happens and sometimes I get crazy right now I might not be supposed to say that because I'm supposed to have it all together and I wrote the books and I founded the Institute on transformational nature like I'm supposed to just be good and that's just silly I'm not gonna act like every day of my life is just perfect and I never struggle with this I have crazy times Lisa crazy times when I was younger and I didn't have the tools I just said I'm crazy you're crazy you're just certifiably you would say that to yourself oh yeah and lots of other really horrible things you have emotions were meant to go through these things were women you have hormones we carry a lot and sometimes it's okay to lose your it just is it doesn't make you any less valuable as a human a person for a woman it makes you real and when you get real and you understand and own who you are that's when the real transformation starts I love that and I used to go go crazy and then like feel embarrassed in the shame that like like you know lost my share and then over time I started to go okay this guilt is trying to tell you something it needs it's telling Newton that you shouldn't get to that point in future and so how do you avoid getting to that point and it was in the ownership because the second I could start to feel my blood boil like I would always identify certain things or happening with my body so it's like okay when I'm crazy break it down what were you feeling now it's like okay Lise your face is getting warm you know that that's a sign that's a sign that you may go quite rightly so I started to identify the awareness of what was happening within my body so that I could preempt so I would put home or a friend decide or whoever and say look I'm feeling home I know right now I understand I may be irrational in my thinking but please just give me the race to fill this to say it out loud and in in the way that I was doing it then allowed me to be very accurate in how I was feeling but without showing other people disrespect because I feel like that's that line that I used to cross well I just get mad and say something and then yeah that's saying it yeah and I never wanted to get to that point yeah I love that and I love that you own it and accept it right and that you don't make any excuses for it it just is what it is one of the biggest reasons that we all don't do that is because we are very attached to people's outcomes Yeah right so if you were really attached to how Tom saw you or his outcome what he would do with that information you wouldn't feel as liberated and is available to share that with him which is why people don't but Vic here's the thing who are you to take away their experience what do you mean by that yeah we tend to think oh but if I say this to him will he think he's less of a man see they don't even have to tell us we'll just think that three or four of them because that's what we do right we're caretakers we're nurturers we want just we just want people to be okay but what if you were just accountable for you and what if you just owned your truth and what if you came from a really loving intention and you said Tom look I just have this thing it's not you it's me yeah and and here's what it is and I just need some time well let's say Tom isn't Tom and amazing and wonderful and all of those things and let's say Todd goes away and he thinks oh how am I not supporting her what if she wants to go away does that mean she wants to leave me is that is she unhappy spiral right we all do spiral but that's okay who are you to take that away from Tom because maybe that's what Tom needs to think so that he can play the I wonder game for himself I wonder why I feel this way we've been together for 16 years I wonder why I think now she's going to leave me well I've been feeling insecure I wonder why I've been feeling insecure well I haven't been getting to the gym as much I've been working a lot I've had a lot going on you see where I'm going out is amazing yeah but if you take that away from you yeah he never has that opportunity to grow that seems right that's not your place it's not your right to take that away what you need to be accountable for is Lisa it's how you show up in the world are you coming from a loving place now if you have a a mean intention why and your intention is to make him feel bad well then why are you doing that and that was the thing noticing that you like you kind of like jab someone yeah that moment of heightened emotion and it's like it doesn't serve you it doesn't serve your partner whoever you're saying that to but I wonder why you did that yeah yeah yeah I wonder right well I needed to lash out I wonder why because I felt like they would attack okay see all kind of full circle but you just got to be open and you got to be accepting and you got to call it out hmm and I think that who surround yourself with is going to be important because as I speaking personally I can try and do all the self work in the world right well myself except myself but it's still freaking hard if you're around people that are negative very insulting and I think that that's why a lot of people find it hard to be around their families once they've made that transition because they're reminded of it they haven't changed and all the negativities still coming back you feel strong but sometimes you can only fight so long that's right yeah toxic people are one of the things that will hold you back and keep you from having the life and living the dream that you want to live and I dealt with this and with my own family I've told been told you know you just you think you're better than we are no but I want to be better than I am right it's not it's not about that but again that's their journey and they need to have that now I don't know why I don't know what they're going through and I don't need to I can let go of their journey and just focus on mine right just allow and let them be see we have to start letting people be who they need to be not who we want them to be all right let's talk about that because so many people especially when it comes to dating and things like that it's like you see somebody like always I think and change yeah I'll change them yeah I'll change yeah yeah women will fix anything I definitely used to think that for sure like when I first met Thomas I don't know one just clothes and he doesn't have a good hairstyle and I'll give him some hedge our you know but I just I really did kind of go into it seeing all the amazing things and going all the things that I would that I didn't necessarily like I can change versus what I would do now is really sit with somewhere this a friend a partner a day no matter who and go like okay this is them can I accept them for who they are yeah that's right they have pets so many women clients who will play the dating game and they'll have this one but there's just something goes wrong and then they'll meet another man and then something just goes wrong and the question I like to ask is what is the common denominator it's you it's you but but that's what we do we go through these these cycles these patterns and if you don't make me happy and you don't do the things that I need I'll just find that somewhere else when what we should be doing is making ourselves happy right we should be working on our ourself accepting ourselves understanding who we are not needing someone else to prop us right and again letting them be who they need to be not who you want them to be and let that be okay observe then learn through their transformation or lack thereof right but what you should do what you what we all strive to do is show up and just love and choose love hate and holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies doesn't make any sense I'd rather channel that energy that I have into good right look there's a lot of things you can hate these days there is only it's crazy I don't know if we've all looked around but it is a wild world right now and it's very easy to transform that into hate but hate is fear hater sphere what are you afraid of I'd rather you sit with that and take that energy back and take back that power you're giving away and hate and look at the thing that it is that you're so afraid of right embody that own that because if you do that maybe you can understand why the next person hates right and maybe you can help them and then maybe they can go help someone else and you can go help someone else that's how you transform the world we talk about changing the world change yourself first so do you do you not have any chip on your shoulder with anybody because there are definitely people that have put a chip on my shoulder and I found it useful to hold on to it mmm so I don't have used cool that hey it sounds a little extreme but yeah don't worry I wonder why how is it serving you that's my question absolutely serving me is it yeah on the days where I feel really weak or I feel like you know I'm just I'm tired or like I am I doing this like it'd be so much easier to live on a beach with the mai tai for the rest of my life like you know why am I so tired all the time and working this hard and then I remind myself of the chip on my shoulder and I remind myself of what my mission is and it just realigns me in what my mission is and then these are the moments that I'm gonna use that to get through it sure it empowers me but I know a lot of people it will completely destroy them well it's all about the intention all right so I was driving here today and I'm just cruising minding my own business listen to your broadcast it was and this car on the 405 and he decides he needs to get off and exit but he's like four lanes over so he just right in front of me right so my first reaction because I'm human and even though I am being enlightened by Lisa I still it was scary for me and I was like what yeah what are you doing like I'm driving here what are you doing that was triggered by fear I was afraid I was about to get into an accident changed the channel maybe his mother sick maybe she's on her deathbed and he's trying to get there before she leaves this world whoa come on over let me stop yeah come on over right perspective just try to think outside the box not everyone is out to get you right that's and just yeah but we feel that way sometimes and we like to shift the blame take it back have some perspective right change the channel yeah so going back so do you not use any type of no one say hate but like do you have a chip on your shoulder with anything do you find it useful or I personally don't however let me just say there are many things that I am not available for I'm just not available for it I'm not available for hate and I'm not available for being around people who spewed hate I'm not available for that I'm not available for people who act irresponsibly and put things out into the world that could harm others I'm not available for people who are malicious and have malicious intents I'm not available for excuses I'm not available for people taking away my power there's a lot of things that I'm not available for but I choose to just remove myself from the equation that's all right they can they can do what they need to do they can have within but I'm choosing to not be available for that they can have the drama they can have stories I'm not available I love that phrasing it's very yeah worded very specifically that yeah that almost gives you the power of ownership without putting judgment on other people right and that's what I was trying to do take back my power but not to rush up all of these emotions that could be that could possibly trigger something else in me it's an easy way you know to just to move forward without the chip on your shoulder without dragging that energy along with you you just let it go all right so what's them what what does the future look like Cynthia what's what's the next chapter you know I started my career very biologically-based weight loss helping people lose weight lots of vanity but that's okay right whatever gets us all there and then I moved in because I realized okay well that's a biological aspect but there's a psychological factor with the pain and the trauma and there's a reason we know what to do and still won't do it so I started saying you know what are you really hungry for what are you really hungry for and starting to how do we feed ourselves the things that we can't get through food the food alone will never save us so I've been doing that for for a while and what I'm really interested in now now that you've discovered what you're really hungry for I want you to go feed yourself that's what I'm really playing with right now how can we feed you Lisa what is it that we need to nourish you what do what do you need to do that next great thing on your list right which I know is coming but what do you need to get there you know and for everyone like what do you mean what can I feed you that will help get move you to that next step toward that fulfilling life that you want to have so that's what I'm really interested in now so what's your answer what are you hungry for what am I really hungry for I am really hungry for connection so I you ever think I got this I can do it I don't need anybody I'll just do that on my own yeah I'm an introvert which most people don't believe but it's true like if I do I'm speaking on stage or I do television or something I come home and I'm like a turtle right in the shell I need to recover no noises darkness please but could it be and so I'm good alone but it's so much more fun with other people women need that connection and when I say spirituality by the way when we talk about science I call you spirituality this is what I'm talking about connection but before us my last question where can these guys find you yeah so I am uh I am Cynthia Garcia pretty much all across social media you can find me there my websites just Cynthia Garcia calm really simple straightforward and the Institute of transformation or nutrition is just transformational nutrition calm and the last question is what is your superpower in a world that is constantly telling women who and what they should be my superpower is helping women transform their pain into power discover what's possible understand what they're really hungry for so they can go out and live a fulfilled life that makes them jealous of themself like there go guys oh my god this woman is so incredible she's such a good friend of mine and when I say what you've just seen right here is just a one tiny slice of what she makes up she is so inspiring so motivating so encouraging to people around her and if you take nothing else away like please leave with that message because even though she's gone through incredible hardship hardship I would literally could never even possibly ever imagine in my worst nightmares and yet she is able to sit here with a smile on her face and utter love for the people around her and try and speak words of wisdom so that you guys can go home and actually put things into your own life so please go check out herself and check out everything she's doing she's freaking awesome so go check her out and until next time go be the hero of your own life and go out and wonder thank you guys and if you're not following me follow me at lisa bill you and kick that little subscribe button down there thank you guys what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed that little bone right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Women of Impact

Views: 144,872

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, cynthia pasquella-garcia, cynthia pasquella, cynthia garcia, transformational nutrition, transformation, not a victim, How to Take Back Your Power After Rock Bottom, power, rock bottom, how to take back your power, nutrition, nutritionist, revenge body, self love, accept yourself

Id: Cz9X4cC18Fs

Length: 50min 40sec (3040 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 20 2019