How to Put A STOP to Being Manipulated by A Gaslighter

gaslighting it is a hot topic these days because it's a subtle but oftentimes really harmful type of emotional or psychological manipulation that is happening or has happened to many more among us than many of us often realize and so in my past videos and that I've done recently we've talked about what's biscuit specifically gaslighting is how to know if you've been a victim of gas lighting and what the specific tactic tactics are that people use to Gaslight people and so today we're gonna talk about how to deal with the gas light or how to approach and deal with it when you are being gas lit so stick around got some good stuff for you today and if you're new to me and this is the first time we're connecting my name is Julia Kristina and I'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and an online course creator I have a master's degree in counseling psychology and I work to help men and women get through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and as I said gas lighting can be and I've talked about this in my other videos that it can be sort of a subtle way of someone who has done something mean or bad or harmful it's a way of them avoiding responsibilities but in its more extreme cases it can be a way to emotionally manipulate or abuse or gain power over somebody in really in really harmful ways and so how to deal with it and if you haven't seen the videos on what gas lighting is or how to know if you're being gas lit and what that specific tactics are then I'm gonna put the links to those videos below here and you're gonna want to go back and watch those so you can get really clear on the topic before you watch this one because this one might not make quite as much sense if you're not already familiar with what gas lighting is and if you don't already recognize and realize that it is happening to you so how to deal with gas lighting and we're gonna talk about five ways to deal with it and the first one is the first thing you need to do is really clarify to yourself how you know you're being gay slit and even write these things down what are the specific things that are being done or said to you and that make you know that yes you are being gassed let write down specific examples as they come up what are these things that this person is doing to make you feel crazy to make you doubt yourself to make you question yourself to make you feel like maybe even you're losing it that you that you are starting to question your own sanity what are these things that are being done and again in that video about tactics that they use there's there's the main tactics that they use and you can watch that video and go through so that you're easily able to identify when gaslighting is happening because it's sneaky it's subtle and if you're not aware of what the person is doing and how they're manipulating you you might not even realize that it's happening so first step start to write them down start to notice them start to kind of keep a record so that you can see exactly what's happening the next one is that you're gonna want to start doing some some meditation or some grounding exercises or just taking time to be quiet and be still with yourself so that you can start connecting with yourself again you might even want to take some time doing some deep breathing you know whatever it is whatever those grounding or meditative exercises are so you can start connecting with yourself again because what gaslighting does is it makes you doubt or question yourself it makes you stop believing in yourself it makes you start to even feel like you can't trust yourself and so you need to be taking time to connect with yourself again to be able to take time to just really tune into tune into your inner wisdom tune in to your ability to believe and trust yourself because that has been taken away from you if you have been gas-lit often or for a long time at some point in your life you need to reconnect with yourself so you can start to see that you are being manipulated that you would need to trust yourself again and need to be able to see that this person and these things are meant to mess with you to upset things to throw things off so to get things back grounded and centered again to listen to yourself to be able to trust yourself again through taking time to connect with yourself with your thoughts with your beliefs with your perceptions and really just ground yourself in that stuff number three is if it's someone who is currently in your life who is doing this to you who is manipulating you in these ways and if it's becoming a big issue if it's becoming a problem then you might need to decide whether or not it's worth continuing the relationship or the friendship or whatever it is so you might need to really decide if you need to distance yourself from this person or discontinue the relationship altogether this is a serious thing when you are being made to feel small or or weak or insignificant or stupid or crazy or insane then that is something to really take seriously and to decide is it worth staying in a relationship with this person even though chances are there might be times when they're really great and they're really loving and they're really caring and they're really wonderful and you have great times together but if the other times are spent making you feel small and stupid and significant or crazy then you need to listen to yourself and that one and really decide is it worth it is this person worthy of staying in my life if this is what they are doing and this is how they are treating me and this is how they're making me feel and this is what they are really taking away from me my ability to believe in trust like and feel confident in myself the next one is that you're gonna want to reach out to someone and talk about this stuff a friend a trusted loved one or a therapist because chances are if you have been if you have been a victim of more extreme gaslighting for a longer period of time and if it's really eroded your sense of self-worth in your your belief in yourself and your ability to trust yourself then you're gonna need to do some pretty some pretty significant healing and dealing with that stuff that it's not just gonna you know go away that you really need to really look at it and deal with it and heal from it and and and really just sort of dig into it because stuff like that when it's sort of that deeper more intense core stuff like it even start to impact our core beliefs and who we are and it starts to manipulate and erode that then we need more intense intervention to heal from it to deal with it and to be able to move forward from the the wounds or the pain or the hurt or even sometimes the damage that it's caused so this is something that we do need to take seriously and then our last one and that one is to take a stand and to not let yourself continue to be a victim so once you recognize that this gaslighting is happening once you are able to see what this person is doing being able to stand up to them being able to say I see what you do in and I'm not falling for it no matter how hard they try to convince you no matter what tactics they use now that you know what tactics they're using you can stand up to them and you can say that's not what happened you're lying you're making this stuff up and maybe they will not back down maybe they will continue to try and push and at that point you need to decide whether or not it makes sense for you to just physically walk away and say I'm not having this conversation anymore you are lying and you know I know what happened and you're trying to make me doubt or question myself and I'm not I'm not I'm not sticking around for it I'm not okay with it I mean you choose the language that makes sense for you but you might actually just have to if someone is doing this here and there and then in the middle of pulling this on you to just walk away sorry not having this conversation not getting pulled into this this ain't my rodeo and I'm done walk away not engage not let them pull you in not let them do this to you taking a stand taking your power back not being a victim not allowing yourself to get manipulated or even abused in this really harmful way I hope that these were helpful for you I hope that doing some of these things and and really implementing some of these strategies some of these steps will help you regain your sense of personal clarity they will help you to start to trust yourself again you'll be able to connect with yourself you should be able to start to believe in yourself and even just trust your senses that you trust your memories trust your perceptions trust your version your interpretation of reality and put a stop to someone playing these mind games with you having healthy boundaries is huge in any area of our lives whenever we're being mistreated especially when it comes to gas lighting putting in those boundaries saying no way no how not gonna happen not sticking around for this not gonna let this not gonna let you treat me this way having healthy boundaries is huge to get you started on learning how to have some healthy boundaries I have a handout for you a PDF a download it's called 25 ways to say no just to get you started to get the wheels turning for those among us who have a hard time saying no because we don't want to come across as rude or mean or aggressive to start learning some ways to say no that may be our that that maybe will feel easier for you so you can start on your journey towards having healthier boundaries I'll put the link to that below like the video subscribe share this one out so that we can stop feeling like so more people can stop feeling small insignificant stop questioning themselves stop you know doubting themselves and not being able to trust themselves so we can regain our sense of self again as as as a community of individuals who are gonna say no to letting this happen anymore come and join my facebook group good tune for me group com incredible group so supportive so lovely so many incredible people good free group com join us and I'll look forward to connecting with you more there until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 135,951

Keywords: How to stop gaslighting in a relationship, boundaries in relationships, boundaries to stop emotional abuse, how to stop emotional abuse, how to stop emotional manipulation, Gaslighting in relationships, Gaslighting, How to stop gaslighting, Stop gaslighting, Gaslighted, Commitment Connection, Psych2Go, Julia Kristina, black and white therapist, mental health advice, healthy boundary setting, boundary setting, stop being manipulated

Id: 29gI1S75LnQ

Length: 11min 4sec (664 seconds)

Published: Wed May 02 2018