Recognising and Responding to Gaslighting

hello I'm darm again today's question asks if I would discuss ways to help manage whenever someone is gaslighting you now gaslighting that is a colloquial term that refers to an intentional attempt to manipulate others manipulate them into doubting their perception of events to question their thoughts their feelings their experiences to confuse their reality and it often involves much more than just lying but sowing seeds have died into a person's mind or a group of people's minds in order to control them so if you find this video interesting please consider subscribing to my channel just to remind you though this video is not a substitute for support from a mental health professional now when people Gaslight others it can be for different reasons it can be to blame shift it could be to minimize one aspect of something or to exaggerate another aspect of something it could be just to get others to go along with whatever they want and some gaslighters can be quite clumsy and inept all they do is tail outrageous lies but people tend to see through them they tend to make fools of themselves some however are expert manipulators they can take anything that someone says or does or doesn't say or do and they can twist it to their own Advantage they can focus on other people's reactions as evidence of their villainy or Insanity they can shame others into giving them what they want some can even try to manipulate control language so that others can't use that language in order to defend themselves they can find a myriad of covert ways to brainwash their victims so I would like to remind you of a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt no one can make you feel inferior without your consent and I say that because there are some people who will just never back down there are some people who are just far too disagreeable they won't accept they may be wrong or an error and few will ever admit that they've lied some will go to any lengths to get what they want from you none of this makes them Superior none of this makes them more intelligent so this video is not about winning it's not about getting someone to acknowledge the truth even if it can be incredibly frustrating this is not about managing them these are just some ideas to help you to manage yourself and the first thing I'll invite you to think about is to be sure whether or not it is gaslighting that is going on for instance we might meet people who really do believe something very sincerely even though they could be sincerely wrong but they're not necessarily trying to Gaslight anyone in some cases they may even be just gaslighting themselves but being exposed to psychological and emotional manipulation over a long period of time can have an effect on anyone can lead people to question themselves doubt themselves doubt their decisions they may worry maybe they are just being a bit too sensitive maybe apologizing for themselves a little too often and avoiding difficult situations difficult conversations out of fear they won't be believed or they will be blamed whenever someone has been exposed to long-term gaslighting if they hear certain phrases their abuser would have used such as what are you talking about are you sure you're not blowing things out of proportion they may assume that that person is gaslighting them as well well the thing is that person may use resource phrases genuinely they may really not understand or maybe just have a different perspective or even just disagree so the thing is learning to discern the difference well that's not necessarily easy but one of the ways of recognizing the difference could be certain phrases and behaviors are not just the ones it is an ongoing pattern that includes trivializing and discrediting thoughts feelings experiences there could be a lot of questioning but not to gain understanding or for clarity but to sow seeds of Doubt examples could be constantly changing the subject every time you bring up something concerning interrogation of events versions of events but picking up on innocuous details and focusing on them there could be insulting but claiming it was just a joke and that continues even after you've told them that wasn't funny there could be denial that something happened or claiming not to remember certain things twist things to be other people's fault and these behaviors could be an ongoing way of them absolving themselves of any responsibility or to try to get you to do what they want you to do so pay attention to repeated behaviors and patterns to discern whether or not you're being manipulated next yes it's okay to be open to different perspectives different ideas but sometimes that openness is what manipulative people often use to try and exploit others so even if you are open to a different perspective on something try to stay confident about your version of events you remember something clearly then stick to that version and try not to get drawn into having to explain yourself to someone someone's gaslighting you chances are they already know what you're talking about so just keep repeating the same thing repeat it calmly and confidently no matter what they're questioned their challenge their confusion or their denial I know the Temptation could be to try to rephrase it to see if they will get it this time the skilled gaslighter will use that to try and create further confusion that's not what you said a moment ago even if you have proof that your aversion is the correct one and you present it to them some manipulative people just won't back down and that can frustrate the hell out of anyone so try not to get into an argument because if you don't argue you have more control and there's less likely that you could be manipulated you keep a calm matter of fact on The Voice there's less chance of other irrelevant past events or comments being brought up to try to confuse the issue just stick to the current topic and your version of it but if you find things are getting heated find yourself maybe becoming more frustrated angry embarrassed or experiencing a lot of strong emotions if you can maybe just leave the room give yourself a bit of space trying to calm yourself can't help you focus on the truth not their lies and if you're calm it's less likely you'll explode in anger or you might just give in for a quiet life doing what you can to remain or regain a sense of calmness can't help you manage your responses and sound more confident next and this would probably work best and maybe a work setting where there is an abusive work colleague or maybe you have an abusive acts but some people find it helpful to keep all Communications in written form for example through email or by text because this is a way of keeping track of past conversations agreements if they ever deny anything or go back on their word or make accusations there is a written record some people find it helpful to keep a diary or a journal writing down interactions dates times whatever it was was said it's a way people can remind themselves of what actually happened it can also be helpful to identify patterns and behaviors such as repeated denials of things said or not said or the minimizing of feelings or thoughts or even exaggerations of your reactions next and I can't emphasize this enough this is only if you feel safe enough because sometimes there is no way of knowing how an abusive person might react but if you feel safe enough then just call it out because gaslighting only really works when it confuses devalues and erodes confidence calmly and assertively calling on things like misdirection criticism insults jokes with Jags elusiveness it shows people that you know exactly what they're doing and you won't accept it now if they claim you're just being too sensitive or it was only a joke or they were only trying to help why not just ask them to explain themselves explain the joke what was the funny part how do you think that was going to help many manipulative people will Gaslight in front of others relying on someone's good nature not necessarily wanting to create trouble or relying that they will be too embarrassed to answer back but the harder you make it for them by calling them out and not behavior when it's in front of others the less they might try because the focus is on them not on you and that's not necessarily to say that things won't get worse they won't try even more crazy skins but the more assertive you are with them sooner or later they might just realize they're getting nowhere and move on and lastly don't worry too much about winning or trying to outsmart someone people who Gaslight usually have no intention of being convinced don't forget there are people who deny or minimize video evidence audio recordings even scientific evidence or eyewitness accounts they can deflect anything twist anything they may even use your own valid points against you or even just use them to Gaslight others so it's not about trying to win it's about letting them know that they can't win because you know what no one gets to tell you how you should feel about something no one gets to tell you what you think or what your motives are you are the expert on you you have every right to challenge things you disagree with or explore topics you don't understand and if you set boundaries for someone who has been gaslighting you trying to manipulate you you maybe need to be prepared to reinforce those boundaries if they continue now I have made videos on managing boundaries if you want to check those out if you think they would be helpful so there are just some ideas to help you manage your sense of reality if people are gaslighting you now if there are any strategies that you find helpful and you feel comfortable enough please feel free to share them in the comment box below because someone reading them might just benefit from your wisdom and your experience but if you find this video helpful please consider subscribing to my channel and until next time thanks for watching

Channel: Darren F Magee

Views: 18,955

Keywords: what is gaslighting, how to respond to gaslighting, gaslighting in relationships, gaslighting emotional abuse, how to deal with gaslighting, gaslighting signs, gaslighting example, signs of emotional abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting tactics, gaslighting behavior, what is gaslighting and how to deal with it, Darren Magee, assertiveness, boundaries in relationships, self help, gaslighting abuse, how to stop gaslighting in a relationship, emotional manipulation, manipulation

Id: Pp3rVB460Mc

Length: 10min 38sec (638 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 07 2022