How to Negotiate: NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE by Chris Voss | Core Message

I recently read the book never split the difference by author Chris Voss several years ago author Chris Voss was invited to a negotiating class at Harvard the class instructor asked Chris to conduct a mock negotiation with one of the Harvard students in this mock negotiation Chris was selling a product and his counterpart was given a set budget to buy the product Chris and the Harvard student went back and forth until they arrived at an agreed price when the instructor walked up to them and asked what was the price you agreed upon Chris told her and she immediately burst out laughing she said Chris you literally got every dime he had the instructor was used to seeing her students split the difference between the minimum selling price the seller was given and the max budget the buyer was given but somehow author Chris Voss had convinced his negotiating counterpart to willingly offer his entire budget to see if it was a fluke the instructor had Chris negotiate a different student the following day and again Chris walked away with the maximum amount these Harvard students knew every cutting-edge negotiating technique in the book so how did Chris Voss convince them to give him their entire budget well Chris wasn't just some guy off the street Chris was the lead hostage negotiator for the FBI and after dozens of high stakes negotiations with kidnappers around the world Chris Voss found that the key to getting what he wanted and avoiding compromises and making the other side feel like they were treated fairly was tactical empathy tactical empathy is the act of sincerely empathizing with her counterparts situation and then getting them to empathize with your situation let me tell you why demonstrating sincere empathy is critical to negotiation and how giving and receiving empathy is the key to walking away from a negotiation with the best possible price best possible salary or the best possible contract while making the other party feel like they were treated fairly during a psychotherapy session a psychiatrist will encourage a patient to talk while she listens intensely occasionally the psychiatrist will jump in to help clarify what the patient is saying and feeling psychiatrists do this because they know that their patient will be less defensive and less opposed to change if they can make them feel heard the same principle applies to a negotiation during a negotiation your counterpart will be uncomfortable dealing with you and resist your counteroffers until you demonstrate that you understand their world and can empathize with their cares and concerns a woman in Chris Voss is negotiating workshop learn this the hard way the woman who will call Susan was a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company she was attempting to influence a doctor to replace one of the drugs that he was prescribing to his patients with a drug that she was selling in the first meeting with the doctor he was cold and skeptical he told her that nothing would convince him to replace the drug he was already administering his patients although this initial sales pitch was going terrible Susan started to see how deeply he cared for his patients when he talked about any one of his patients his body language and tone of voice was noticeably warmer Susan pointed it out you seemed very passionate about treating your patients I can see how hard you work to tailor specific treatments to each and every patient the doctor paused and looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time and said that's right I feel like I'm treating an epidemic that the other doctors are not picking up on which means that a lot of patients are not getting treated adequately from that moment on the doctor let down his guard and was willing to listen to what Susan had to say when Susan brought up the positive attributes of her product he listened closely by the end of the meeting the doctor said he was open to trying the new medication and he placed an order that day the magical words that turned around Susan's conversation with the doctor where that's right if you couldn't get your counterpart to say the words that's right then you know you've made them feel heard and you'll know that they'll be more receptive to any offers and counteroffers that you make from that point forward author Chris Voss says a negotiation doesn't truly start until you hear the words that's right the best way to get your counterpart to say the words that's right is to listen to the emotion behind your counterparts words your goal is to spot some cares and concerns that have regarding the negotiation and then summarize those cares and concerns with a concise statement that starts with it seems like or it sounds like as in it seems like you're really concerned about blank or it sounds like blank is really important to you the beauty of starting your statements with it seems like or it sounds like is that if you're wrong you don't damage the conversation since you can follow up with well I didn't say that's how it was it just seems that way but if your counterpart confirms your summary statement with that's right then it's time to get them to empathize with your situation Chris Foss says the best way to get someone to empathize with your situation and start thinking of ways in which they can help you is to ask calibrated questions calibrated questions are open-ended questions that start with how or what and are calibrated to direct your counterparts focus towards your problem they turn on ago she ation from a confrontation to a problem solving session Chris Voss says the ultimate calibrated question is how am I supposed to do that let's say you're renting an apartment and your landlord tells you that he's going to increase the rent from 1200 hours a month to $1,500 a month the best way to avoid the rent increase and negotiate a lower rent is to empathize with his position and then ask a version of how am I supposed to do that you could say it seems like you think your apartment is undervalued and you just want a fair market price but how am I supposed to pay $1,500 a month when I only make enough money to afford $1,200 a month the key is to say how am I supposed to do that in the same way you would say I value your intelligence can you please help me solve my problem at this stage if you've made your counterpart feel heard you built rapport with them and when you ask your counterpart the calibrated question how am I supposed to do that your counterpart will most likely do one of two things though either come up with a creative solution so that both of you could get what you value most or they'll raise or lower their initial demand to accommodate you if they take option two but still give you an offer that doesn't meet your needs you simply respond with a slightly different calibrated question back to the rental example if your landlord reduces his rent to $1400 a month you could respond with that's very generous of you that's probably the lowest price you can go but I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm supposed to pay $49 a month to stay here when I can rent a similar apartment nearby for less than 1,200 a month this technique of politely countering every offer with some version of how am I supposed to do that is precisely how Chris Foss got those Harvard students to willingly offer him their entire budget so the next time you go into negotiation empathize with their situation and try to get a that's right then get them to empathize with your situation and ask them to help solve one of your problems by asking a calibrated question like how am I supposed to do that if you do this you're on your way to mastering the art of negotiation which is simply the art of getting someone else to have your way that was the core message that I gathered from never split the difference it's a great book on understanding the subtleties of a negotiation I highly recommend it if you would like a one-page PDF summary of insights that I gathered from this book just click the link below and I'd be happy to email it to you if you already subscribe for the free productivity game email newsletter this PDF is sitting in your inbox if you like this video please share it and as always thanks for watching and have yourself a productive week

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Id: QIRk382yJm4

Length: 7min 57sec (477 seconds)

Published: Tue May 29 2018