13 THINGS MENTALLY STRONG PEOPLE DON'T DO by Amy Morin | Core Message

I recently read 13 things mentally strong people don't do buy anymore when Amy was 23 she was with her mother at a basketball game laughing and enjoying life but 24 hours later her mother suddenly died from a brain aneurysm three years after her mother's death her husband suddenly died of a heart attack amy was in a dark place but she was a trained psychotherapist so to stop herself from falling into a deep dark depression and get back on her feet she reminded herself of the 13 things that mentally strong people don't do 13 things that prevent anyone from making progress in their life after a tragedy or setback of the 13 things that she wrote down there were three destructive mental habits that if you and I are aware of and correct will allow us to avoid the remaining 10 things that mentally strong people don't do first mentally strong people don't feel the world owes them anything if a man loses his business and thinks I've worked so hard I don't deserve this or I'm a good person this isn't fair he's just inviting frustration and anger into his life as children when we worked hard and did the right thing our parents and teachers made sure we got what we deserved if things felt unfair like our sister or brother received an extra gift at Christmas our parents quickly corrected the injustice but as adults we unconsciously believe that higher power should make life fair if we work hard and we're good people it's not fair that we encounter setbacks bad things shouldn't happen to us but that's not how the world works as Amy says no matter whether you're the smartest person on the planet or you persevere through life's roughest circumstances you don't become more deserving of good fortune than anyone else mentally strong people constantly remind themselves of this fact when a mentally strong person catches themselves complaining about how unfair the world is they remind themselves of people who have or are living harder lives and have received or are receiving less they might think of people living in war-torn countries or children who are diagnosed with cancer when mentally strong people compare themselves to people living harder lives they stop focusing on what they are owed instead focus on what they can offer other people this might be helping a struggling coworker or making a meal for a sick friend or simply listening to a family member who's had a hard day when we are busy doing good deeds for other people we forget - the world owes us anything so the next time you start thinking about what you deserve focus on how you can serve the second thing mentally strong people don't do they don't focus on things they can't control if a mentally strong person loses her marketing job in an economic downturn she doesn't dwell on it because she can't control the economy and she can't completely control her boss's decision to let go of her and keep some of her co-workers instead she focuses on what she still has her health her family and her marketing skills and she chooses to see the event as an opportunity to spend more time building her marketing business a dream she's had for years but occasionally life hits us so hard that it's difficult to be grateful or optimistic because the fear of what we can't control is overwhelming this was the case for heather von st. james heather was diagnosed with cancer when her daughter was just three months old for a year Heather went through surgeries radiation and chemotherapy but after 12 months she was cancer-free however she feared the cancer would return and her daughter would grow up without a mother heather was terrified because she knew she couldn't completely control her situation and prevent the cancer from returning in an effort to focus on what she could control and let go of what she couldn't she took out a marker and wrote down her fears on a plate then she went outside started a fire and smashed that plate into the fire this act helped her let go of what she couldn't control so that she could live each day to the fullest today Heather hosts an annual cancer research fundraiser in which more than 80 of her friends and family members write their fears plates and throw them into a giant fire when you feel like your life is out of control take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line through the middle in the top section right what I can't control and then in the bottom section right what I can control when populating a sheet with things you can and can't control about a situation remember you can't control what's happened you can't fully control your thoughts and your emotions you can't completely control other people and you can't entirely control the future in other words you can't control what happens to you but you can control how you respond more specifically you can control what you focus on what things mean and how you behave after you've populated your sheet with things you can and can't control rip off the top section a section of things you can't control and then continue tearing that top section into tiny little pieces or go outside and light that top section on fire and watch your fears burn away as you let go of what you can't control the third big thing mentally strong people don't do they don't make the same mistake over and over mentally strong people don't metaphorically dust themselves off and get right back on their horse Amy says they pause to figure out why they fell off in the first place before getting back on we don't want to be like the alcoholic who routinely turns back to his old ways to escape we want to face our mistakes our bad habits and take a deep hard look at them to see how we can stop making the same mistake in the future but unfortunately we don't have many role models for this many celebrities politicians and athletes do the opposite they lie and blame others for their mistakes because they fear looking weak but owning up to mistakes and correcting them is a sign of strength and it's what mentally strong people force themselves to do when we own our mistakes and study our mistakes we become stronger more resilient and stop ourselves from sliding back into our old ways to experience less resistance to owning and studying your mistakes imagine you're helping someone else fix their mistake see yourself in the third person and identify the factors that led to your last mistake the thoughts the behaviors and any external factors then like a clinical psychologist give instructions by running down an alternative action they can take the next time those thoughts behaviors and external factors show up now create ample motivation for yourself to correct the mistake in the future by running down a list of reasons why you don't want to continue making the mistake anymore and says carry this list with you when you're tempted to resort to your previous behavior pattern read this list to yourself it can increase your motivation to resist repeating old patterns for example create a list of reasons why you should go for a walk after dinner when you're tempted to watch TV instead of exercise read the list and it may increase your motivation to move forward so if you want to avoid the 13 things that mentally strong people don't do start by focusing on what you can offer other people instead of focusing on what the world owes you if you do that you won't waste time feeling sorry for yourself and since you'll be actively helping people to succeed you'll stop presenting their success and if you stop wasting energy on what you can't control and instead focus on what you can you'll automatically stop dwelling on the past and you'll be less concerned what other people say about you and less worried about pleasing other people because you know you can't fold to control that other people say or do and if you commit to not making the same mistakes over and over again by not being afraid of making mistakes and vow to constantly improve you'll automatically stop shying away from change stop fearing taking calculated risks stop expecting immediate results stop giving up after the first failure and stop fearing alone time because alone time is a great time to reflect and improve if you add those all up you'll get the 13 things that mentally strong people don't do if you can avoid these 13 destructive mental habits when a tragedy or a setback occurs you'll find it much easier to get back in your feet and continue living your life to the fullest that was the core message that I gathered from 13 things mentally strong people don't do by Amy Morin I found this book to be essential reading during these trying times I highly recommend picking up this book if you would like a one-page PDF summary of insights that I gathered from this book just click the link below and I'd be happy to email it to you if you already subscribe to the free productivity game email newsletter this PDF is sitting in your inbox if you like this video please share it and as always thanks for watching and have yourself a productive week

Channel: Productivity Game

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Length: 9min 24sec (564 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 05 2020