HOW NARCISSISTIC ABUSE CONFUSED YOU And Why Its Hard To Let Go.

hi guys thank you so much for watching the Royal we my name is Kevin and in this video I want to answer one of your questions I love your questions keep them coming if you have not subscribed hit that like hit that subscribe and submit your questions this particular question comes off of the video live each day and stop thinking about the narcissist now let's go ahead and read the question together it says why am i hoping to hear from the narcissist although I have gone no contact and why am i hoping he reaches out although I don't care to respond even if he does I feel so confused please help you've come to the right place with this question because I have been there myself and I know many people watching this video right now have also been in this confused place where you can't stand the thought of being near the narcissist however you still kind of want to hear from them what is this confusion all about we're gonna talk about it [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right guys so what is this confusion all about you know that you can't stand to be in the relationship with a narcissist anymore but you still want to hear from them why what is up with this confusion well I want to talk to you about three components to consider these three components have helped me very much as far as getting from that place where I was confused to not being confused at all any more about it so I'm going to share them with you now the second two components they want to talk to you about are actually videos that I've already done in the past who as I was on my healing journey so I'm gonna hit on those things again because they're important to understand why you are in this confused place okay the first component that I want to talk to you about however is a brand new idea and it's actually the foundation of the course that I'm about to put out for you guys now the coursework is gonna get very deep because there's a lot of work involved in this but I'm gonna tell you a little bit about it for the purpose of this video so it can help you to understand some things the first component that you need to consider is acceptance you have not yet accepted the reality and the truth of the relationship that you're in with the narcissistically abusive individual so when you are involved in a abusive dynamic and abusive relationship even if you've gone no contact in the very beginning early stages you're filled with questions about why why are they hateful towards you why do they cuss at you why do they call you names why are they going behind your back talking about you why are they smearing your name why are they trying to turn your family and friends against you why do they hate you right these are all very valid and normal questions now why are you even asking the question why we have to understand this the reason you're asking the question why is because what you're really trying to find out is what can you do to solve a problem so you have to understand part of our human nature is that we're problem solvers that's what we do we're problem solvers and so by asking these questions why you're looking for what you can do to fix this problem because you realize the relationship is a prob and as you want to solve this problem you then start to take on a responsibility for the problem and then underneath the responsibility for the problem is this idea that perhaps you are the cause of the problem and that's why you feel a responsibility to fix the problem and that's why you want to solve the problem that's why you want to know what you can do about it do you see how that kind of stacks up all right now it gets very deep and it's very difficult to take the steps to walk through this and break away from this which is why I've made a course out of it that's going to be available pretty soon because it takes a lot of work ok but what I can share with you right now is to start to take these these committed feelings what you're committed to instead of being committed to solving the problems be committed to detaching from the relationship commit yourself to separating yourself physically as far as you can get because it's this separation it's this detachment from the individual that's going to allow you to stand back see the relationship dynamic from a different perspective shine a light down on it and be able to see the reality and the truth all right that's the very first component okay so commit yourself to separating from the relationship now the second component that I want to talk to you about is the addiction part there is an addictive pattern that happens in this relationship and obviously you know that most of us have certain addictive tendencies right and when we talk about abusive especially narcissistically abusive relationships we go we come out of it understanding that we had extremely high highs there were moments in the relationships where it felt fantastic maybe it was amazing sex or it doesn't even have to be sex if it was family you had great trips or or you went out and played golf and just had a great time whatever it was the joy and the relationship produced some chemical responses within within you you have dopamine that's being released right the feel-good inside of your body okay and you had these extreme highs in the relationship but you've been you've had these extreme lows times of being terrified times where you were yelled at cussed at called names maybe even physically abused or just being under the threat of being physically abused or hit these things release adrenaline into your body and you can go into fight or flight right so your chemicals your biochemistry starts to get out of whack and so when you start to leave the relationship for the first time your body is still not yet in homeostasis homeostasis is a nice balanced level instead you're all over the place you're depleted you're exhausted right part of that exhaustion is called adrenal fatigue all right for me my adrenal fatigue was so great from the constant threat of the narcissistically abuse of people in my life that I lived for a long time with this pressure right here in the forefront of my head I just felt this pressure so your adrenal fatigue can build up okay and it can be stuck and now you can be addicted to wanting the dopamine again feeling like that's gonna balance you out you're looking for something anything to be able to take that that pressure that tension right that adrenal fatigue that exhaustion you're looking for something to take that away there's one more aspect to the addiction part they don't touch on briefly and I've actually made a video about this and this is the part where as humans we are somewhat trainable we're malleable right that's part of our human nature and what am I talking about when I say malleable well that's easy I mean employers they train you in a way on a reward based system you're paid money to do a job you're given bonuses if you do a great job even small stuff such as rallies at once a week where they get together and have a big hoop lawn oh we just sold a million dollars worth of products and oh it's because of you guys and you're fantastic whoo party it makes you feel good right it's a it's a reward based whereas if you do bad you are your your rep your reprimanded right your you're put on probation you're giving a written up you you're written up with the threat of possibly losing your job right so a reward based system is meant to keep you in a certain spot that the employer wants you in you sit down at your desk you do your job keep your head down knuckle down and do it that's a reward based system now what's interesting about this is there was there scientific evidence that people can that that things can be trained and I made a video about Skinner's box if you haven't heard about Skinner Skinner's the last name of a scientist he discovered that he could take a pigeon put it in a box with a button and he can get the bird locked in a single spot pecking away at that button going crazy how'd he get him to do that well he did it by intermittently and erratically having pellets drop out from under the button train the bird that if you hit the button a pellet will come out and he did different tests and what he discovered that if the pellet came out without the bird ever really knowing when it was gonna come out the bird would stay there and just Peck locked in right and now I know you're what you're saying Kevin I'm not a bird how does this relate to me well humans tend to fall into the same kind of trap I mean that's why we have places like Las Vegas and slot machines have you ever seen somebody sit there and put quarters in their machines waiting for that jackpot and it's it's erratic the winning of the jackpot is totally separated from them putting a quarter in the machine they'll sit there and just drop their money they'll empty their bank accounts into these machines for an intermittent erratic reward alright so you have to be careful because then these narcissistically abusive relationships we can get stuck in this place where we are waiting for an award from the narcissist we're trying to figure out if I if I do this if I keep locked in if I keep waiting for them if I keep talking to them if I do something if I keep trying when will I get the reward when will I get the dopamine rush from that narcissistically abusive individual all right so that's the addiction part that's the second component and now the it's good to be able to realize that that's that's going on inside of you they you're addicted that you have these chemical imbalances the best thing to deal to do with this chemical imbalance there things like check your diet okay I suggest you watch some youtube videos on chemical imbalances adrenal fatigue dr. Berg is a great one there's also some other youtubers out there that are fantastic as far as helping people deal with adrenal fatigue and different stresses due to biochemical changes in your body okay now so that will help with that now the third component is the last video that I uploaded and this is forgiveness forgiveness is a huge thing but before we can get to ever even forgiving the narcissist for the way they are we have to first forgive whoo that's right our selves right we have to be able to forgive ourselves one of the most difficult things that we have to do is admit that we got involved with the person we had no business getting involved with we did things with these people we had no business doing maybe we got involved in sex too early maybe we had them move in too early we find out that we have crossed our own values we've crossed our own boundaries maybe we started doing some drugs or we started doing some things something right forgiveness is there for you it truly is you are forgiven okay but it's important to be able to understand this to be able to acknowledge man I messed up I should never been with that person to cry that out to speak it out and to be able to to move on with forgiveness in your heart towards yourself right you're speaking to your own body when you do that you're looking at yourself going man I am sorry I'm sorry I put you in in the line of that ridiculous a narcissistic aliy abusive person's fire I'm sorry right I talk to people on the phone I usually tell them to check themselves out look in the mirror validate yourself say look at how amazing you are up and down look how amazing you are and you cross so many boundaries giving this prize to somebody who never deserved it you gave this you're a reward you're a prize and you gave it away to somebody who did not does serve you right alright guys so those are the three components let's recap really fast the first component is acceptance you're still asking questions why which means you're still trying to find resolution trying to solve the problem we have to accept right and by accepting we have to get as far away from the relationship as possible become committed to no contact commit yourself become obsessed with staying away from the narcissist it's painful it's hurtful but do it in time you'll see the relationship as it is the second component understand the biochemical changes and the addictions that take place start to do things to help battle these certain addictions right watch videos on adrenal fatigue possibly change your diet exercise right it's gonna take some work last but certainly not least forgive yourself guys alright thank you so much for watching the Royal we few have any questions go ahead and contact me my telephone number is at the end of this video I hope to hear from you guys once again subscribe and like this video and this channel thanks again guys bye hi guys yes thank you for watching the Royal wait I want to let you guys know that I am almost finished with the course it's gonna be available pretty soon and I'm excited to be able to offer that to you guys I also want to let you guys know that I'm thankful for all of your phone calls you can continue to contact me it's absolutely free but for those of you who have demanded that you be able to give back in return I want to let you know that I have put a donation link on my channel so you're welcome to donate whatever you would like to donate to this channel and you don't have to that's completely up to you bless you guys thank you be sure to hit that like and subscribe button if you're not already a subscriber and we will be back with more right here on the Royal we while you look at the camera just you gotta stay looking at the camera okay all right here you guys I'll say hi than you say hi no no no finger nose you gotta be professional one two three hi guys

Channel: The Royal We

Views: 234,933

Rating: 4.9213371 out of 5

Keywords: why narcissism is confusing, narcissists confuse you, how to beat narcissistic abuse, the royal we, royal we narcissistic abuse, why are narcissists confusing, how narcissists confuse you, how narcissists confuse and control you, how narcissists create confusion, how narcissistic abuse confuses you, confused about love, healing from narcissistic abuse, tools to use against narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissist, npd, manipulation, narcissism

Id: F-Nb5Q2eCZI

Length: 14min 40sec (880 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 14 2018