An Empaths Guide To Getting Over The Narcissist

what I'll discuss in this video will be very helpful to those who are exhausted and wonder if they'll ever get over the narcissist and to validate those people who are impacts whose cents on a heart level it's time that we all transcend this entire subject because there's an amazing life awaiting us on the other side of all of this trauma so I encourage you to listen with an open heart right to the end because you will never be able to let go of the narcissists if you don't grasp the importance of what I'm going to share with you I remember times in my life where awakening to a very devastating reality was just too much I couldn't run from what is the pain of the grief the shock of some of the realizations I'd made the anger and most of all the story that I kept repeating to myself it was so torturous it really felt like I was just unable to let it go and if I'm really honest here a part of me wanted to hold on believing that maybe one day this person or these people will empathize or validate the suffering that they caused almost as if me not getting over it will punish them and I think most of us will relate to that process right but all of us eventually arrived at the point where we realized that sometimes holding on does more damage and letting go our mind wants to grasp or comprehend our mind wants to make sense of something so senseless like why would someone pathologically lie and use my emotions as a tool of manipulation why would my mother or husband or sister behave in such a cruel way so all of that processing of the whys just causes us to remain stuck in it for longer and necessary and yes everyone heals at a different pace but I found myself mostly frustrated at how long the getting over the narcissist seemed to take and how the journey appeared to be one step forward but then three steps back and I was so easily caught back up in all of it I kept wondering what could I do to help me regain some sort of control of my own thoughts and feelings I just felt at mercy of all of these craziness so if you can relate to any of that this is what I want you to grasp the significance of sometimes it's really good to go back to basics everything l mind interprets is just speculation and we alone are responsible for what we choose to tell ourselves and how often we allow the story to flare our emotions whether we've had a very unpleasant interaction five minutes ago or 15 years ago a lot of where we waste precious energy is mentally regurgitating scenarios where we start believing our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves but we are not what happened to us we too often don't stop to realize that we are not our thoughts or the narrator or the ceaseless interpreter of events and particularly about the narcissists our freedom lies in identifying with the observer of our thoughts that part of you who witnesses not just external events but the part of you that witnesses your thoughts and the feelings about the events and this was really difficult for me to grasp initially because I was still stuck in the blame in the trauma in there trying to understand what happened desperately looking or waiting for closure so I really want to accelerate to the end bit the most significant part for you to awaken from all of this and that is are you able to ask yourself who is observing that narration who is just watching that ceaseless internal dialogue about the narcissist the stories about what the nastas did or didn't do or why they did it the real you is actually watching all of this are you able to identify with that see where you and your consciousness resides is in those gaps of silence where that convoluted exhausting chatter stops it's in those glimpses with the true nature of realities and that is precisely the purpose of meditation and why it's essential to implement in your daily self-care practice because meditation helps us widened and extend those gaps where we feel ourselves reconnecting to that soothing place of peace none of your stories interpretations labels boxes diagnosis none of that is truly who you are our ego translates and gives meaning to events but you are not your ego the ego is just a circular convoluted pattern of thinking and this is not your identity but your ego will convince you of it and it'll want to hold on to it so you'll never be able to let go of the narcissist unless you really get that and another really important point that I'd like to make is that every thought we have is like an invisible energetic attachment so in a way we ourselves are strengthening that invisible bond by still engaging with the ego as it cleanings onto the exhausting thought processes because we're still choosing to live there mentally see letting go or holding on occurs in our mind and that is not dependent on the narcissist on an apology or any other external circumstance it's not dependent on any length of time either I mean you could have left the relationship five days ago or five years ago but psychically energetically you're still connected and what you choose to focus on and the amount of stress you feel will indicate where you're at traumatic memories are stored on a cellular level so sometimes you may experience inexplicable physical or emotional symptoms and that's why reconnecting to your body can be very helpful with letting go but mentally trying to understand these processes can be counterproductive because it means that you're focusing on old energy that's coming up for clearing or that's integrating within you so mentally engaging with the pain can keep you feeling trapped in it so switch off from your mind ground yourself take a warm bath do some yoga go for a walk connects with your body and disengage with your mind you know when we are trauma bonded it's so difficult to see our minds addictive and relentless processing I noticed these endless exhausting conversations occurring in support groups or on social media and they are only supporting more reasons to fuel our mind the hatred the hurt I mean I feel depleted just reading through some of those conversations and my question is how do you feel after you've engaged in some of those conversations do you feel more clarity and peace or do you feel more depleted enraged or depressed so please notice this within yourself because our mind loves to regurgitate and obsess and at the end of the day that is only something that you can be really honest with yourself about so I highly recommend regular breaks from this subject information Detox's and just as an example so you can see how your mind does that and how my mind does that is imagine a blue vars and each and every one of us will suddenly be flooded with stories in our mind memories commentaries recollections from our past about a blue vars just imagining that one object can elicit emotions we can become triggered and we can get reeled in all of that if we just don't notice so how quickly can you notice your own inner dialogue taking over a simple emotionally neutral exercise like that can you let that go easily or can you feel yourself struggling to let go of the story you've told yourself about the blue vows this is part of us developing our own inner resilience if we allow our mind to run riot will become depleted emotionally and physically we're easily offended we'll become very defensive will take things personally when easily hurt and will start believing that we need to isolate ourselves from people in the world when really it's not other people or whatever is happening in the world but it's our own interpretation of what's happening and the most empowering and loving piece restoring thing you can do for yourself is not to get reeled in by that inner dialogue which can become very destructive a lot of the times and a question that we can each discern for ourselves is at what point is my own inner self talk or a conversation that I'm having with a person about the narcissist at what point is this just reopening an old painful wound is this attention actually serving my healing and yes talk therapy is really great and trying to understand the psychology behind all of this can be comforting and very validating but the point that I'm really trying to make in this video is that we will never get over the narcissist until we realized that the internal shift needs to happen within us first that moment when you realize that you don't have to drag this out for any longer than it has to in your own mind the moment that you realize that pain may be inevitable in these situations but suffering is optional and not everybody will be ready to hear that suffering is just resistance it's when we are unwilling to let go of how we wish things could have been it's basically our attachment to unfulfilled expectations there's so many ways that we continue holding on to the pain for example if you're scrolling down your social media wall you know ask yourself does this really require my engagement do I really need to read graphic descriptions of a traumatic event do I even want to participate in a volatile conversation I mean is this conversation best dealt with within a more discreet and therapeutic setting so this person who's clearly in pain can be lovingly guided toward some sort of healthy resolution also develop your discernment and just notice if you're being pulled in to take sides or participate in that jewel listing looping dynamic of us versus them and especially when it comes to inflammatory subjects like the narcissist or politics or my spiritual beliefs versus your spiritual beliefs even things like vaccinations who's right and who's wrong these are all jewelley sztyc black and white really stealth methods meant to divide and separate us from one another and the diversion is one is better or worse than the other where we focus more on our differences instead of our similarities and I think you'll agree that some of the most personal and difficult decisions that we need to make for ourselves on this journey those decisions are made privately and within our own hearts and your choices are not open to public debate or any sort of external validation I hope that you can truly feel the truth of what I'm about to say and that is that we are all experiencing certain aspects of the human condition we're just standing at different vantage points and our perception is not reality our opinion is just the filter through which we perceive the situation we often get bogged down by fighting what is arguing judging this is a waste of our precious energy and a diversion from a high level of consciousness which is knowing that every experience is relevant and yet in the initial stages of healing it's impossible to see any relevance to why would someone we loved hurt us so much but it's like what Viktor Frankl said when we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves so if you're being really challenged it simply means that you're growing or outgrowing and need to let go of what no longer serves you so when we get back to the basics of it all I just want you to realize that your experience with the narcissist or whatever awful thing that has occurred to you the letting go or the holding on occurs in your mind you are in control of that you know what if you just took a breath and did nothing but just watched it all the events your thoughts about the event what if you just stopped replaying what the narcissist said or didn't say are you able to just for a moment to redirect your attention you know in each moment we have a choice to engage react or get pulled in to another drama or not yes it's easier said than done and some of us have just recently awakened so there's a lot of emotion that flares up within us but to some of us the term narcissist is old news but regardless of where you are reclaiming your life starts with reclaiming your inner peaceful state we are all on a spiritual path it's just that most people don't know it I think we need to navigate our lives with more discernment and honestly ask ourselves whether we are focusing our attention and our energy on contributing to create more of what we don't want so what would be extremely helpful for you to do for yourself is to practice becoming more conscious of what your mind is fixating on and how long you're spending there each of us needs to be able to manage our own internal space how much are you invested in holding on rather than letting go [Music] you

Channel: Joanna Kujath

Views: 150,065

Keywords: an empaths guide to getting over the narcissist, joanna kujath, unveiling the narcissist, how to recognize your narcissistic mother, joanna kujath narcissism, narcissistic mother, spiritual abuse, scapegoat, blacksheep

Id: T0HelWBu9Ec

Length: 16min 10sec (970 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 19 2018