Horns - SNL

>>> WELL, LUCIAN, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. I KNOW THIS IS A HARD DECISION BUT I THINK YOUR LIFE WILL BE MUCH BETTER ONCE WE REMOVE YOUR HORN IMPLANTS. >> IT WILL JUST BE NICE TO HAVE A FLAT FOREHEAD AGAIN. BEEN SO LONG SINCE I SLEPT ON MY FACE. >> AS SOON AS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WE CAN SCHEDULE THE SURGE. >> I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND YET. CAN SHE COME HERE EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN'T HAVE INSURANCE? >> OF COURSE. >> SWEET. TRINA! >> HEY. WHY ARE WE IN A DOCTOR OFFICE, LUCIAN? AM I PREGNANT? >> NO BABE, YOU CAN'T GET PREGNANT FROM THE SEX WE HAVE. SIT DOWN. >> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, THEN I WAS LIKE, MAYBE? I DON'T KNOW. >> TRINA, THE REASON THAT YOU'RE HERE IS BECAUSE I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING RID OF MY HORNS, HAVING THEM REMOVED. >> WHAT? DID YOU JUST SAY YOU'RE GETTING YOUR HORNS REMOVED? >> YES. >> WHY? >> WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I CAN'T GET ANY JOB ANYWHERE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH? >> I THINK THAT THE HORNS ARE WHY. >> YOU DO? >> I'D HAVE TO AGREE. THEY'RE TERRIBLE. I THINK IF LUCIAN WANTS TO GO REMOVE HIS HORNS, WE SHOULD SUPPORT HIM. >> ARE THE HORNS HURTING HIM MEDICALLY? >> THEY'RE NOT HURTING HIM, THEY'RE MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE HE HAS A BAD PAST. >> I WANT TO GET RID OF THEM, TRINA, OKAY? YOU KNOW HOW YOUR DAD AND BROTHER WON'T SPEAK TO ME? >> YEAH? >> I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M A HUMAN MAN WITH HORNS. >> YOU DO? >> I DO. I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE IT. >> MOST PEOPLE MISTRUST MEN WITH HORNS. >> YEAH, I'M SORRY, WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR DOCTOR DEGREE? >> I ATTENDED HARVARD MEDICAL. >> IS THAT GOOD? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW, IT SOUNDS SKETCH TO ME. OKAY, SO WAIT. IF YOU GET YOUR HORNS REMOVED, THEN WHAT ELSE ARE YOU CHANGING? >> NOTHING. I'M KEEPING MY GAUGES, MY EYEBROWS ARE STAYING GONE. THE 9-VOLT BATTERY INSIDE MY NOSE WHERE THE CARTILAGE USED TO BE STAYING. >> OH, GOD. >> SO, I MEAN, WHAT, ARE YOU JUST GOING TO HAVE YOUR CAREFUL HOLES SEWN UP TOO? >> I'M KEEPING MY CALFHOLES OPEN. YOU'LL STILL BE ABLE TO SEE BONE. >> WHAT ABOUT TISSUE? >> YEAH, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE ALL THE MEAT INSIDE MY LEGS. >> MAY WE PAUSE FOR A SECOND? YOUR CALVES ARE JUST AN OPEN WOUND? >> WHAT, IT'S JUST GOING TO BE SO WEIRD WITH YOU NOT HAVING HORNS. >> I'M SORRY, YOU DIDN'T ANSWER ME. YOUR BONES AND MUSCLES ARE VISIBLE VIA CALF HOLES? >> THE HORNS ARE JUST A LOT, TRINA. YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOAT AT THE PETTING ZOO KEPT TRYING TO CHALLENGE ME? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH? >> I THINK HE THOUGHT THAT I WAS A RIVAL GOAT BECAUSE I HAVE HORNS TOO. >> YOU DO? I DON'T KNOW, I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND. >> ARE YOU TRYING TO STAND, TRINA? BECAUSE I UNDERSTOOD WHEN YOU GOT YOUR BUTT CHEEKS REMOVED AS A JOKE. >> EXCUSE ME? I DID THAT AS A PRANK. OKAY? IF I WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALONE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A JOKE. I HAD MY MOM WATCH SO IT WAS A PRANK, THANK YOU. >> OKAY, I'VE GOT TO CUT IN AGAIN. YOU REMOVED YOUR BUT CHEEKS AS A JOKE? >> AS A PRANK. I'M SORRY, WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL? >> HARVARD, I TOLD YOU THIS. >> SORRY, I RGOT. MY WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE. DO YOU MIND IF I DO A BAG? >> I'D ASK THAT YOU NOT HUFF PAINT IN MY OFFICE. IT'S NOT ME, IT'S THE BUILDING. [ LAUGHTER ] LOOK, 75% OF PEOPLE WHO GET FAKE HORNS END UP HAVING THEM REMOVED WITHIN SIX MONTHS. >> THEN THAT MEANS THE OTHER 25% GET MORE HORNS PUT IN? >> NO, THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I'M SAYING. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S VERY STUPID THAT YOU WOULD THINK THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S JUST IMAGINING YOU AND NO HORNS IS PISSING ME OFF. YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE A BANKER. >> NO, HE'S NOT. EVEN WITHOUT THE HORNS HE'LL STILL BE A WALKING DISASTER. HE'S WHAT WE IN PLASTIC SURGERY CALL COMPLETELY RUINED. >> SEE? >> ALL RIGHT, FINE. BUT YOU'LL KEEP EVERYTHING ELSE? >> I'M KEEPING EVERYTHING ELSE. >> ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP THAT BUTTCRACK A ZIPPER? [ LAUGHTER ] ARE YOU? >> HEY. YOU HAVE MY WORD. >> MAY I SEE YOUR CALF HOLES?

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 3,623,347

Rating: 4.8696208 out of 5

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, SNL Season 43, SNL Episode 1743, John Mulaney, Luke Null, Heidi Gardner, s43, s43e18, episode 18, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, improv, musician, comedian, stand up, stand up comedian, netflix, KID GORGEOUS, The Top Part, New in Town, The Comeback Kid, Jack White, the White Stripes, third man records, Boarding House Reach, Lazaretto, Blunderbuss

Id: Oep9zYiQDus

Length: 4min 35sec (275 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 14 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/mike_gainor]

Can't get over how great a first season Heidi had.

[u/Detoxbyretox]

I loved this bit the most out of the John Mulaney episode. Every line from Luke and Heidi is gold.

[u/byllz]

Anyone else notice the unicyclist delivery person on the B roll?

[u/A-Fan-Of-Bowman88]

This didn’t wow me that much.

[u/RoscoeSantangelo]

Heidi has such a bright future. She was the star of this past season