Holy Matrimony Pt 3

we're in part three of a series called holy matrimony and today we're covering the subject of adultery if you're single maybe wondering you know okay let me say this about single people just relax man when we gonna hear some about us when we go ahead some about us we need something to trust me if you want to get married you need to hear anything I'm talking about industry everything in fact in fact I'll tell you another reason why you need to listen to a suit a sermon about adultery as a single person because a lot of marital Affairs have a single person right in the middle of it let sure say Amen amen amen a or I'm going to talk about four things today concerning adultery I'm going to talk about cures for adultery I'm going to talk about the consequences of adultery I'm going to talk about causes of adultery something that's really addressing and talk about gives some consultation concerning adultery cures consequences causes and some counsel about adultery I want to start in joke in the book of Job chapter 31 if you follow scienter MD or Zion Church Woodbridge or you follow me on Twitter you hopefully you already read read job 31 verses 1 through 12 if you have a Bible turn there if you don't we got you covered the verses will come on the screen in job 31 job gives us both cures and consequences of adultery it's not the only place in the Bible that covers this but for the sake of time I just pick some passages that I thought would be helpful to us through this journey I've got a long way to go and a short time to get there I want to cover as much of this information as I can in the window of time that we have verse one job chapter 31 says I made a covenant this is what job says I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman not to look with lust at a young woman I've made a covenant with my eyes that's a that's a high level of commitment right there and it'll keep you from having adults from committing adultery Jesus put it like this in Matthew chapter 5 he gave a similar challenge he says in Matthew chapter 5 verse 27 he says now you all have heard it said that you shouldn't commit adultery but he says I'll take it another level higher in verse 28 he says anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart so Jesus is sick and anjo are trying to take our focus to another level he says don't even look at a woman with lust job says I made a covenant remise I'm not going to look at I'm not gonna look at a woman with lust so here's one cure you can write down for adultery one cure for adultery is to fight lustful loads to fight it fighting lustful looks in fact Jesus goes on to say that you got to deal radically with this thing he says in verse 29 of Matthew chapter 5 he says if one of you if you're if your best is offending you and getting you in trouble pluck it out says it's better to go to heaven with one out and to go to hell with both of them working okay then he says if your good hand is getting you in trouble cut it off better to go to heaven with one hand and to go to hell with both of them working now that's hyperbole he's using to basically say you've got to deal aggressively with this thing you got a deal with temptation on an eye level on a lust level now when it comes to fighting lustful looks it's let's be real if you have the gift of sight and you're able to see you are not going to not see attractive people it comes with the territory I mean you're going to see it but the key is recognize it and keep it moving you say well I'm single I got a look yeah but is there a look you you can only get one the Saint Africa you only get one you so you you okay no came out so so so you look and keep moving especially to marry men look and keep it moving a mire what you see in keep it moving don't you see somebody grocery store you don't go down that aisle just to get another look Guinea mind nothing that out you're all in the spice section you came and you know as you came in here for potato chips and beer that's what you in there for don't get you're being chips and keep it moving don't get in the line she and that ain't even attaint even the shortest line just keep it moving appreciate what God did just tell God you did good on that one just suit and go on to the gas station pump some gas go home wash some dishes or something look and keep it moving then he says if you read this passage by the way out of out of the purity context of this end job is talking about his purity in verses 1 through 12 and if you read it from the lens of marital infidelity it changes your view on the whole passion like for example verse 4 it says in verse 4 doesn't he see everything I do is talk about God doesn't he see everything I do in every step I take no you put that in the context of marital infidelity and it means you know what even though you can keep your affair a covert God sees at all verse 5 have I lied to anyone or deceived anyone if you have an affair yes one of the things about an extramarital affair or commit adultery one of the things that it does it calls us there to be a snowball effect of other indiscretions in our lives so now we become slick and dishonest and deceitful and lying and do about stuff we where we say we are all this stuff then in verse 6 he says this was job says let God weigh me on the scales of justice where he knows my integrity Joe could say about himself in this whole passage he said I'm clean man my life is clean I am living in upright life then in verse 7 he starts picking up on some consequences of adultery or lust in his situation he says if I have strayed from his path ways speaking of God's pathways if my heart has lusted for what my eyes have seen or if I'm guilty of any other sin here's my consequence then unless someone else eat the crops I've planted let all our planet be uprooted he's saying look if I have been unfaithful to my wife if I've been immoral sexually then let all of my hard work be enjoyed by other people one of my consequences one of my consequences to be that my labor is enjoyed by people who didn't even work for it that's the consequence that my labor is not even enjoyed by me but watch his integrity in verse seven he says he doesn't say if I've had sex with another women woman he says if my heart has lusted for what my eyes have seen and I'm guilty of any other sin let something bad happen to me this is what I love about job job is fighting the adultery battle on the right level he's dealing with it he says he says if my heart lust for what my eyes have seen then let me be punished for it and I need you to see a pattern here what job says is first of all my heart is lusting but it's lessening every one of my eyes have seen so it starts with my eyes see then my eyes see something if I don't fight it there then my heart starts left lusting after what my eyes have seen and if I don't stop there I'm going to physically commit an act of adultery that is the pattern particularly for men because the way God has wired us we are stimulated visually so we've got to fight at the icy and hard lust level if you fight at this level you won't get to this one that's where you got to win the battle I got to win the battle in my thoughts win the battle when I look at what I study what I focus on got to fight at that level because I believe that there are levels to adultery you can have somebody can have like in the video an emotional affair that never gets physical now an emotional affair will eventually get physical if it's not cut off but you can have an emotional affair and not get physical there are some people here who are married who can honestly say you know what physically speaking I've never had sex with anyone outside of my spouse as I've been married some people had a testimony and that's a blessing but not anyone that I know of has the testimony that they've never had an emotional affair don't even tell that lyin Church don't say that lie anywhere because here's an emotion an emotional affair simply means you have thought about being with somebody other than your spouse since you've been married who hadn't done that every woman I know in my generation has had an emotional affair with Denzel Washington everyone I'm or Brad Pitt and it's you know good bridge now I got a photo minute or if you're little older some of y'all used to be on Billy Dee like that Billy Dee Williams James Dean you know I don't know if a woman I didn't I had some thoughts but I don't know if a man in my generation that hadn't had an emotional affair with Halle Berry come on somebody say hallelujah hallelujah but on a serious note as difficult as adultery is a lot of times we don't deal with it beneath the surface and I want to go there in a moment but look at what he says picking up in verse nine he gives more he gives more cures and consequence he says if my heart has been seduced by a woman or if I've lusted for my neighbor's wife look at what he deals with sin oh he does he still did he has not done anything he says if I lusted for my neighbor's wife forget about I went over there had sex but he says if it's going on in my heart let me be judged he is fighting on the right level he says I self-correct I checked myself on a level that will never get me in a bed of adultery I'm checking myself right there he says even if I've lusted in my heart towards my neighbor's wife let this happen to me in verse 10 here's a consequence then let my wife belong to another man let other men sleep with her now that's the consequence that should stop any man right there you just think about having an affair and think about men sleeping with your wife you'd be like uh never mind never mind they're sorry or for lust he says verse 11 here's another consequence he says lust is a shameful sin a crime that should be punished he calls lust a crime that should be punished that during this time adultery was a crime that could be punished but not lust he's saying but watch this he's operating on another level he says I lust should be punished that's a whole different ballgame now if you committed adultery during this time Leviticus 20:10 says Leviticus chapter 20 verse 10 if two people committed adultery a man or woman committed adultery they would be executed their lives would be taken as a matter of fact in Deuteronomy chapter 22 verses 22 to 24 even if a man met a woman who wasn't all the way married she was engaged to a man if you met a woman that was engaged and he had sex with her both of them would be brought out and publicly killed she would be killed because she didn't scream for help and he would be killed because he defrauded a man's future wife that's how they roll back then uncheck well glad we undergrads are back then adultery could cause death now adultery often causes divorce which is a form of death then he says in verse 12 he says he says this lust is a fire that burns all the way to hell it will wipe out everything I own adultery has consequences that we do not want to pay but here's where I have here's the deal the thing we already know consequences to adultery we've seen it we understand the Cure's to adultery I got to stop looking I got to stop staring I got to stop I got to stop it at a heart level but what we don't study is the causes of adultery I think because because and I think the church has failed people in this regard because we don't have conversations on a level that gets to the root of the matter so because of most of our most of our time we is tension and we're emoting over the deception and betrayal that took place that we don't have conversations to get to the root of what caused the thing how did this thing happen what is the anatomy of the affair and and here's the deal so what we do is we just get angry and start name-calling and calling a man you're a dog and calling a woman you a hoe and so we start demeaning people and putting them down and saying these terrible things about them when in actuality we really need to have conversations to get to the cause of the matter because at the end of the day whether you like it or not sometimes he's not a dog he's just depressed and maybe she's not a ho she's just hurting and lonely and doesn't feel loved and he doesn't feel appreciated and respected and valued and when you feel that way for a long time and you don't feel if you're a man or a woman and you're married and you don't feel loved you don't feel cherished you don't feel appreciated you don't feel valued and you meet somebody who feels all that about you they value you they cherish you they applaud you they pre appreciate you they say you look nice today you look nice today that's a nice outfit you start walking by that cubicle more often to make sure that you get to here I ain't laughing this ain't no joke you start saying you stop you start feeding off of that and your wife never says you look that good your husband never pays any attention to you and so they always this person always has the right words they're always so kind they're always right on time they always touch you the right way they're always so gentle and loving and so concerned you have the potential there for an explosive relationship its magnetizing and a lot of people are condemned for falling into something like that but we don't do the research and understand that it before it long before it got physical if it ever got physical there's a lot of praying going on lord please help me please stop this I don't want to ruin my family I don't want to lose my marriage I don't want to go down this road but it's difficult it's difficult and then you have the empties I'm getting something from this person that I'm not getting from home I don't know why I'm not getting from home I told my spouse about this I'll share what I need from my spouse my spouse continues to not do it and this person does it all the time see we don't want to talk about that but it's real it's real it's a real issue so here's what I learned - I want to give you a verse of scripture that sort of gives causation to affairs and it's from proverbs chapter 27 and verse 7 proverbs 27 and 7 says this a person who is full refused as honey but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry let me read that again a person who is full refuses honey but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry let me tell you something nine times out of ten the difference between somebody being faithful in their marriage and being unfaithful is are you hungry or are you fool when you're full you can turn down something as sweet as honey but when you're hungry you'd be surprised at what you'll eat y'all ain't ready I'm under go there keep your head up don't don't don't flinch don't blink don't write notes stay with me the move this Satan puts on us is the same movie put on the first couple if you look at the movie put on Adam and Eve that same move you know I say none changes move because I'm saying move working if I can look if I want a basketball court and I can keep screwing with the same move I ain't gonna change it till you stop it it ain't been stopped yet here's the move Adam and Eve here's a tree you can have all these trees you can't have this one you can't have and you know what Satan talks about what about this tree what about this tree the trick of Satan is to always get us focus on the forbidden because the prevent the forbidden always promises and offers more than the given so we can't appreciate what we've been blessed with because we always want what he told us not to touch it's the same movies always use so now because we're hungry let me let me illustrate here's the trick no adultery always promises more than it delivers it to you my first card ever owned was a 1972 mazda rx-3 i bought it for my cousin Marty what he didn't tell me was I don't thinking - I can't remember I don't think he told me this but there was a problem with the car underneath the floorboard on the driver's side was a huge hole under the car but when he sold it to me he had it covered with floor mats and carpet so so it were you know I ain't mad I was just that's where the car was so but but something and this will preach right here something was eating the car up from underneath of it that was causing this hole to spread I'm talking about a big hole I'm telling the kind of hole that I'm living I literally if the mat wasn't there I could put my feet on the ground like the Flintstones in this up serious but you would never know the hole was there because there was matting and carpet covering it but the hole is there all the time that's a perfect picture of what causes an affair what often causes an affair is there is a gaping hole in somebody's heart and soul it started in their childhood wounds from their childhood wounds from their adulthood further wounds from their marriages because a lot of times psychologically we marry the brokenness in one of our parents that hurt us so if you're a woman and you have daddy issues and your daddy didn't love you you a subconsciously will marry a man like your father because you're trying to finish what wasn't finished as a child so he's just like your daddy he doesn't show you any love who ain't said that none of the other services but our brother we and the same with men we marry the same brokenness in our mothers in our wives that's what happened and we don't even do a cycle psychologically we think we're repairing what was broken as a child so we're attracted to brokenness so now what happens is this hole which all that an affair does is accessorize as the hole it doesn't remove the hole it doesn't even fill it it just covers it the hole is there all a while you're just having an affair with the affair did but their affair does is make you feel like the holes not there anymore but do you know why I know it's still there it's because when the affair is exposed or when the affair is stopped you feel the hole all over again as a matter of fact let me go deeper here's what happens in the context of a marriage what happens is because you have this attachment now in an inappropriate relationship to somebody you're not supposed to be attached to you get really attached to this person because even though it's inappropriate it feels a need in your life they're feeding you because you're hungry and because they're feeding you what happens is you get close to them and the more close you get to the closer you get to them what happens is the hole grows in your soul because now all of the impropriety and all of the flaws of your spouse become magnified because now you're comparing your spouse and you're looking at your spouse against the backdrop of this ideal person so your spouse is even more of a loser now because now you're with this winner you understand and because they always do it right and they always say it right and they're always kind and this person you're married to is never doing the thing right and never kind and never cordial and all that stuff now it makes you know what it's doing the whole time is covering the hole but the hole is getting bigger and bigger and this is what complicates things so now we got to get to the cause and effect of this is where let me illustrate it another way I'm gonna this will help the ladies understand I'm going to show you how you'll either to take how this whole thing is you know becomes a matter of feeding if you're a woman and you cook let's say you cook and you prepare food but your husband won't eat what you cooked let's say he regular you cook and he regularly either turns it down or you know because he has to sit down the table he just plays in the food just nibbles on it and just doesn't consume the whole plate it's now as a woman you may feel like your cooking is not good enough or your food is not good enough for him that same meal that you cook another man can come over your house might be your husband's friend and he's tearing the food up he can't even stop talking about it Nancy I know you could cook girl you from the country what you put in this food and he's just talking and talking to you and talking to you about the food what you put it in you're just saying where it's just I just you know I just really just put oregano and paprika I'm saying girl you and he cleaning the plate stopping the gravy up with a biscuit and and then he says these words Nancy you would it be okay if I had seconds and you're like no problem sure there's plenty what would you like you want to only your biscuit baby you want to know your rice and gravy you want it on your black-eyed peas to come friend day y'all understand what I'm saying now don't miss this don't miss this listen ladies don't it don't misinterpret it it doesn't mean he loves you it means he's hungry and because your kitchen is open and your husband doesn't appreciate what you're cooking you're hungry too and when you put two hungry people together you got a problem go back to the verse proverbs twenty seven and seven when you're full you can turn down honey when you're hungry even bitter stuff tastes sweet so am i preaching so so how do you how do you fix this how do you deal with this how do you feed yourself when your spouse won't feed you see this the thing right here you know your sermon ain't for the people who this in the five love languages and they fill in each other's tank up baby what you need this week and it tank all full and everybody having this four people tank ain't being full how do you fix this don't say too much never come back how do you how do you self feed when your spouse won't feed you how do you do that I want to talk about some I want to give you a verse of scripture here's what I want to first do I want to first address people who are in the worst situation that is a person who because you were empty and because you were hungry you cross the line you are right now in an extramarital relationship you're in a sinful relationship is in whether it's emotional or has gone all the way to physical you're there I got something for you I believe will help you proverbs 28:13 says this it says people who conceal their sins will not prosper but if they confess and turn from them they will receive mercy i standard the pastor this church to say if you follow these directions you get some mercy if you keep playing you're going to be in trouble so let's say I'm give three words reveal repent reason / root-cause reveal repent reason / root cause you first have to reveal your sin you cannot conceal what you're doing and get the mercy that you need because anybody has committed adultery needs mercy because here's the problem adultery that's a sin that can cost you everything so you got to reveal it you have to repent you can't you must turn from it and then you got to get the reason for how you got in it in the first place you got to get to the root cause let's walk through those first of all you got to reveal it the verse says now proverbs 28:13 is not telling my divorce is done most sin period but it can work for any sin so in this case is adultery you cannot conceal your sin you won't prosper you have to confess it you have to reveal it I suggest first of all you confess it to God he knows it anyway but confessing confession simply means we agree with God that what I'm doing is wrong yet the first say it's wrong I don't know how good it feels you have to say this is wrong God I know this is wrong and there's no safer person to go to what you're sending God this is where it gets tricky some of y'all gonna email me tweet me and all that you're gonna have a problem already no here's where it gets tricky I'm not convinced in every marriage you should tell your spouse I just think it's case-by-case it is depends on who you married to for real I do think you need to tell somebody other than God it may be a pastor maybe a counselor maybe a trusted friend somebody you can really trust you got to be careful with church people too this is the place that has received the most mercy and this is the most merciless place in the world a church the church will butcher will crucify you if they find out we don't tell people to church half the stuff I do Church has no he posed to be a preacher Church has no mercy mercy the merciful who have obtained mercy don't give it but there's always somebody you can trust with your stuff I'm saying it might be your spouse it may not every marriage can't handle the whole truth because every marriage partner can't you gotta know who you married to if you're married to somebody who's a mature adult who acts like a mature adult who understands their own crap their own mess and you tell them what you've done wrong and they can say it hurts me but I understand why you went there what are we going to do now to fix this how can we work this out are we going to get some counseling what are we going to do what are our next step now you can tell that to a person like that but if you're talking to a fool somebody this psycho will go around killing everybody involved they don't need to know let them find out yeah you found out now I know y'all like this going write me write me I'm telling you and you know I'll tell you if you if you're talking if you're talking to somebody you married to who thinks they're your parent some people think they're your parent and so they want to scold you for everything you do and the problem with a parent is parents never stop parenting so you'll be married and the next 30 years you're gonna hear about this mm-hmm it was April 28th wasn't it I bet this date reminds you of something nothing it you're just like you had to cook out it me like that was 1979 mm-hmm this year anniversary ain't it mm-hmm some people and let me tell you something I'm gonna tell you one reason why I suggested it ain't even the women it's these hypocritical dudes dudes just hypocrites when it comes to adultery straight hypocrites how much I've been preaching for 25 years I know it under set in front of someone so many couples where the woman is exposed she did something you know unfaithful in the marriage and the man is inconsolable he's sitting in the office he go from rage the tears you brulée he's just out of control I can't believe he need medicine he can't go to work he can't function somebody got to drive on the lam arrest because he's understood he under sedation and he the biggest freak in the whole state soon as his wife slip up he want to talk to me he when he was having adultery the daughter's relationship he and him come to church soon as his wife slip up he calling me I need to talk to the head back how am I talking to little junior bastard I need Ricky that I need Keith right through here I need to talk to you hey hey hey I need the elder boy want to show me emails cell phone records don't bring his own cell phone records going to show her cell phone records Facebook all this stuff he's now Beretta he Kojak Telly Savalas he Private Eye and magnum p.i he doing all this investigator work and was so critical about it he masturbates all the time to pornography he goes to strip clubs when he's out of town he flirts with women at his job and has had multiple affairs and yet he wants to show me his wife's phone look at this ha ha ha 30 seconds so case by case that's my point that's the point out I make reveal it you got to confess it God will heal what you reveal you're only as sick as your secrets but you got to be safe and who you shared with see God doesn't God doesn't even keep bringing up what you did that's people that ain't God when God forgives you let me see what else God does if you sin if we sin - 12:22 p.m. ask God to forgive us and at 12:23 p.m. brought it up to him he would know we were talking about it's not only does he forgive but he forgets it you come back with it would you tell him how I don't know what you come up that's gone that ain't people though 12 23 June 2013 we need to talk reveal repent here's the hardest one repenting you can't just confess it some people just want to confess connect you feel like got that out it didn't want to go back - note got turn from it if you're going to get mercy you must turn from the relationship got to turn away I know it hurts see what people don't understand is is that when somebody is in an adulterous relationship that people don't wake up in the morning get married to say boy I sure would like to have an affair I know what I want to do I want to propose to somebody and make my vows to somebody with all the while anticipating I'm going to be unfaithful people don't do that stuff everybody's stupid like that people end up in these situations and sometimes they wonder how in the world did I get here it's because you were hungry so you have but you still have to turn even though it hurts walking away from an inappropriate relationship hurts just as bad as walking away from anything it don't mean it ain't gonna hurt because it was inappropriate your feelings don't care whether it was appropriate or inappropriate your feelings just feel like this hurt we was feeling good before silk your feelings okay if it was just an accessory over the hole you feeling said I was feeling good now we feeling sad now we're feeling lonely now we feel empty the same feelings that led us here that's why you got to go under those feelings I'll say that in a moment but no matter how painful it is you have to turn from it because you don't get mercy and when you're talking about adultery you got to turn from the person and the relationship you got to turn away from the person and a relationship shut off contact stop fretting eyes with each other and return to God and your spouse and you're returning to something that may be just as bad as it was when you left it no promise that is going to be better you returned because it's right because that's how you get mercy third thing you got to get to the reason why it happened I'm over time yeah get the reason why it happened why did this happen see the root will determine what kind of fruit your truck you're attracted to you got to ask the question what hole in my heart was I trying to fill with this relationship what is broken in me that I was hoping this person could heal what emptiness in my marriage have I been trying to feel with this thing and then when you see it now you correct it how do you correct it you have to have healthy and safe non sexualized relationships to fill your tank non sexualized see our problem is as human beings Richard Cohen says this because as humans we don't understand that there's a lot of times between intimacy and sex a lot of us express our deepest love to people through sex we sexualize our deepest feelings because we don't know how to express anything deep without sex we don't on express anything deep without taking our clothes off so we feel like the best way I can show you my love is through my genitals that's that's just the human instinct in us and we have to learn how to be in context that are non-sexual that fill us up people who love on us with no sexual Ness sexual activity going on you have to do that I'm gonna pick it up here next week let's pray father thank you so much for this truth we need your help applying it I pray for somebody who's in an affair who needs a miracle to get out give them the grace to get out without extra collateral damage pray that you would give us the power to obey you the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Zion Church

Views: 28,534

Rating: 4.9119806 out of 5

Keywords: Holy, Matrimony, Zionchurchmd, zionchurchlive, Zion, church, marriage, adultery, Pastor, Keith, Battle

Id: kAxbPHWg4Rk

Length: 34min 26sec (2066 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 18 2012