Here Is Why You and Your Partner Keep Arguing About the Same Thing

hello dear friends of sagacity I wanted to reach out to you guys today to answer a relationship question that comes up a lot in counseling and that is why are why is it that certain things keep coming up over and over and over again the same issue keeps coming up over and over again in conversations and in arguments and even though you may have apologized for the thing that keeps coming up over and over again for some reason it just keeps coming up over and over again and it really becomes an issue of discouragement for both people because it seems like this hurdle that you can't get over in the relationship and it it's very frustrating it's very discouraging and the person who apologized keeps wondering why keeps coming up the person who was injured keeps wondering why they can't get over it and and here's why it's because even though a an apology is a part of the solution of resolving the issue and that's why I keeps coming up because it's unresolved an apology is a part of the solution but it's not the only thing the solution of resolving something that you can't get over also includes understanding on a deep level what it was like to be the other person who was hurt it means putting your your own feelings aside your own opinion about the situation aside eliminating all defensiveness and really trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes it means seeing it from their perspective and understanding because even an apology without understanding does not go deep enough in healing the wounded person because you really don't know exactly precisely what you're apologizing for until you know that it's not just what you say it or what you left unsaid and it's not just what you did or what you left undone or your inaction it was how what you said or did it is how what you be your behavior in action impacted your spouse on a deep emotional level once you understand the depth of their pain and apologize then noun the apology takes a deeper level of affect but even beyond that there's another step that must be taken too and that is once I understand what my spouse went through in this situation at the deepest level and I went out of my way to try to understand that and I can actually put it in my own words what I feel like this was like for you and I I must also be willing to make whatever adjustments are necessary to prevent this from ever happening again in a relationship because until those amendments are in place the person who's been wounded cannot feel emotionally safe in a relationship they can't feel confident and moving forward because I don't know if you're going to do this again because you kind of took lightly what you did you don't really understand how devastating it was to me how traumatizing it was to me but until you understand that and you're willing to make the adjustments in your life whatever they are whoever needs to be removed whatever adjustments need to be made so that there's a confidence that I am safe moving forward with you we can't get over it so try that try to try to if you've got a hurdle if you feel stuck in your relationship try to deny yourself and understand what it was like to be the other person go over the conversation again and try to put yourself in their shoes and try to just understand on a deep emotional level what it was like to be them and I hope that gets you some traction going in your relationship now if you'd like to spend about an hour or so with me going over this demonstrating it modeling it unpacking it teaching it let me know just just hit yes or count me in count us in and to reply and we'll set something up virtually well we'll do like a seminar something that there's an interest for it and a demand for it and I'd be happy to do that because it's one of the most prominent issues dealing with in counseling on a regular basis Hey I pray peace love and blessings for you and that you remain safe in this difficult time in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Keith Battle

Views: 3,469

Rating: 4.9848485 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: n4vExOdYjqE

Length: 4min 37sec (277 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 22 2020