Strategic Parenting

those resources before you leave if you have a Bible turn to Psalm 127 whenever I see the environment like this where there's this many children it makes me want to talk about parenting most of my ministry is around the subject of finding of a family and business leadership I love leadership I love business I love entrepreneurship but I love family I'm committed to family I think I think that should be our mantra I think I want to challenge men in particular to have the kind of legions to your family that you can say like we just sung I ain't going nowhere see we say that to the devil we need to say it to our kids how about I ain't going nowhere daddy you gonna stay yeah I ain't going you can say that to your wife ain't nobody singing that to their family are you you know why cuz we just want to be happy and a happiness a happiness driven life is all about having a good time a legacy driven life is all about having a good name and sometimes having a good name means you got to give up a good time you got to grow up and be tough and love through it all through every season through every disappointment you got a love through sickness and distress and poverty and riches and all that and rejection and fights and times were you ain't getting sex in times when y'all not communicating times you know you gotta let the people you know you love them I love you so much I'm faithful to you even when I don't feel it I'm not here because of how I feel I'm here because of how my commitment to you I'm committed to you I made a commitment what happened to that okay let me go someone I saw a quote by an author he's deceased his name was William hodding Carter ii and what carter say it was their children basically need two things he says in that quote there are two things we should give our children one is roots and the other is wings and when i said that i framed a whole i think if i could frame my whole parenting around those two things to give my children roots and wings if you give your children roots and wings you've succeeded obviously we need to give them jesus but roots and wings that's so significant and i talk to you as a person who's failed as a I feel like I've been average at best as a dad most of the time during my children's lifetime I was pursuing success and trying to build a ministry and and I was a way more than I was present I feel so I feel like God I haven't mastered this so I'm not talking as one who's done it right I'm really talking as a grandfather who's got a second chance like I'm a much better grandfather than I was a father I don't think I've ever spanked my granddaughter I mean she's to three years I've I don't know I don't like other people doing it I saw my daughter had a wooden spoon I was like that's so big why would you do that I'm loud here Mikey is there anything and I'm gonna cover worried about a spoon you know but you get better as you mature we need to go back to our children and apologize to him say I was practicing on you ain't know what I was doing ain't know what I was doing just apologize I'm sorry for all the times I hit you I'm sorry for cussing you out I'm sorry for coming up to school with my housecoat on button like this with rollers in my hair and cussing you out in front of the student body all that reckless stuff I'm sorry but snatching you out to go go when I could have handled that a little better a man I just this see we call that old school so we call it old school so we can get away with being reckless but just because some old old mean is right slavery's old donald trump is old I'm sorry I really am this is not it the views expressed on this stage are not the views the personal episodes of Leonardo those of John Kennedy his senior these are solely reviews of Keith battle and his alone [Applause] we need to give our children roots and wings roots roots a representative of a foundation they need stability roots are a picture of giving them what they need to be stable wings of a picture of what they need to soar need to stabilize their lives and give them give them give them roots and then we need to we need to roots has to do with their foundation swings has to do with their future their dreams their ambition their purpose their destiny I want to talk to you today about strategic parenting strategic parenting parenting with roots and wings in mind and if you don't have any biological children here's the deal you see all these kids in here if you're in here you're part of the village we need you we need your voice we needs your eyes we need your attention no way do you have a biological child if you get a foster child if you adopt a child it doesn't matter if you have nieces and nephews or your cousin had a baby your coworker had a baby your neighbor got children anywhere they're children around where you are present you are part of their roots and their wings you are not to be disconnected from the process to put some biblical context around it in Psalm 128 I want to read the whole song I'm just going to reverse three it says in the New Living Translation your wife will be like a fruitful grape vine flourishing within your home your children would be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table everybody say table table is a very important part of the family construct the table the table I think is underutilized I was talking to some people between services and they talked about how important the table was the table today is as powerful as the radio was back generations ago there's to be a gathering around the table where their conversations that bring revelations about how people are doing in their life and the Bible says in Psalm 128 when God is constructing the house that shows are not like olive plants around the tale that picture of a olive branch olive plants are planted you have to plant olive branches you have to plant olive trees they need to be planted and so that's a picture of the need for children to a child get roots they get nursing at a table that child is not just getting nourishment from the from the meal they're getting nourishment from their being identified with a family to be identified with a fair - let me tell you something it is possible to be orphaned in your own house it is possible to feel alienated even in the home in which your parents live that and and and we have orphaned children in our own house because of our ambition and our driven as' in our busyness and we're letting the television raise them and social media raise them and the neighborhood raise them and we send them to church we don't even go with them we'll send them to Sunday school send them to the youth ministry give the Reverend Berkeley giving the Reverend Queen give them to them but that's not their responsibility to raise your children they're only a part of the process is not their job thank you brother negative 20 I give you change for a ten give me five on the backside give me two I give you three door together they have their own children okay Psalm 127 verse 3 says Psalm 127 verse 3 says children are a gift from God they are reward from him that's right verse 4 says children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands verse 5 how joyful is a man whose quiver is full of them he will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates the man who has this river full of them so when a winner when a warrior is in in battle he has a bow on one arm the bow on one arm and on the other arm in a leather container there is a leather strap in a leather case with these slots on it for the arrows they're going to call a quiver and they're all Quivers are not the same size some some Quivers have two arrows in it some may have four some Oh may have up to twelve and what determine whether or not you had how many arrows you had in your quiver is how fast and how accurate you could shoot them so in the midst of a war when you don't have a lot of time to make decisions you take your bow off you reach in you grab a but an arrow out of the quiver you shoot it fast and as long as you can hit that target because it takes stamina it takes strength it takes accuracy as long as you can keep hitting the same target without missing the target that's how many arrows you can have in your quiver once you if you get to three four or seven and you start missing the target now you're gonna start hitting the wrong stuff it's not time to shoot anymore time to run now you're hitting your own people hey it's me if you ever want to know how many children you supposed to have is how many can you give significant direction to in their life because children need direction some of yahshua add some birth control into the situation because we've got a lot of children running around without direction they're aimless they don't just need wings they need guidance they're not just in that just supposed to have a child's you want a man it would be cute because it's buff I've got good hair and y'all don't give them a cute name like shaquan trait it's more important than all that little petty stuff a child needs direction let me get into this this is the last service everything might come out if routes represent connectedness and children need to be connected children want to be connected if they're not connected into the most safe and sacred environment which is their family or their church they'll find other things to connect with they want connection they want connection they're desperate for connection they will take their lives if they can't connect anything they'd rather connect to a fantasy world they will create play children will create toys that they won't let go of from the time that they're little because they long for connection they need to be connected to something real somebody dependable and somebody's gonna be there all the time and somebody's safe they need connection and so if connection is so important to giving them their roots here's the enemy of connectedness is busyness the reason why we have difficulty connecting cuz it's it's more than about just staying together as a family that's important because the enemy is fighting family staying together but beyond staying together how do we stay close and if we're not close how do we get close I'm saying beyond just having a family there stay together we just say we're here and we how do we have a close-knit family you only get close if you have systems in place that bring you together and I'm saying systemically we're so busy we can't be close because everybody's got a schedule even in houses were there two parents in the house which is often rare now both parents are working usually so both parents are working which means they got this schedule and then in addition to working both parents trying to get in shape so they also work out and this is working out both where parents are trying to climb the corporate ladder so they're both taking classes and getting certification and trying to equip themselves and build their resume to next level and then he's taking real estate class because he want to get a real estate license and she's going back to try to study for her CPA and so they both in school both taking classes don't have a lot of time for no drama they'll have a lot of time for no pressure they'll have another time for no stress then he's also in he's also in his returning aggravators attorney she's also active in her sorority she also teaches dance class on the side and he coached boys girl football on the side no wonder they don't have time for each other they're wondering had time for the kids cuz they're all over the place but it's not just the parents who are busy the kids are busy now we got the kids in everything they not just in school they in Montessori School they not just in bad name classical band they don't just play basketball they got to play AAU Lord so we can't even dribble got him an AAU need to put his little behind in a little Church League somewhere here in AAU now we got paid two thousand dollars and take them on trips that's why we're never home that's why you ain't getting no booty because you're ain't home enough to get you oops it slipped out again kids playing seven sports he take karate he taking swimming he playing t-ball and baseball playing football and flag football playing boys club basketball he played any taking piano lessons and so the house is not running like a family as well like a company you drop off I'll pick up she's got to go to practice he's got to go to gym class he got to get a uniform he tore his shoes she got to get new cleats she got to get a skirt for a choir she's got it her hustle tonight he's in Boy Scouts she's in the choir she's on the board he's doing this and before you know it we have no time to connect with each other we just ride in the cab service everywhere trying to keep them into everything and we're losing each other [Applause] somebody oughta need to look at somebody next you say we really don't have to do all this we really should really evaluate do we really need to be doing all this so if busyness is the enemy of connectedness you would think I would suggest less curtail the activity and try to cut out some of that stuff but I'm gonna do something counterintuitive I want I believe you're gonna build connectivity by adding something to your already busy life how about that I'm an ass I'm true but here's what it's called they're called family rituals family rituals are a Jewish custom if you ever if you ever notice Jewish families are real close they're close they do business together their dollars stay in their community and they what's the strength of the Jewish family is ritual they have they have stuff on the calendar that reminds them of the Seder feasts and and different rituals that they do Yom Kippur all of their stuff is based on rituals they have all kinds of rituals that kept that God told them to keep in place do not stop doing these things never stop doing these things now if you look at our family three or four generations ago it was heavily ritual now we've gotten too connected to society and we're too busy and we're disconnected family ritual is something that you do on a regular basis with the intention of strengthening and maintaining family closeness or regaining it and I want to give you 16 examples of them how about that it's going to take us to about 4:30 you good this is not an exhaustive list this is just representative in fact I'd like to hear your ideas hit me up on social media I'd like to hear your family ritual ideas some of these are things you probably already do some of the things you may have never heard of some of the things that you may want to add don't try to do all 16 of them if you just add one thing or two things to your system in your family it can make a world of difference before I give you these 16 things family rituals every family ritual should have one of these four components in it one it should have a food component in it it's good if you have food nobody argues about eating everybody wants to eat number two make sure it's a fun component to it it doesn't have to have all of these with just one at least one of these you know you don't have to drag Kia's into something that they enjoy the third component that would be ideal to have in it is a formation kind of component something that educates and develops a child and the fourth component is a faith component where you include God in it somebody say don't leave God out so so now here's the first one the first one is eating a meal together I said that should go without saying but it needs to be a family ritual I was surprised when I realized how important eating together around the table is when I first married Vicky and we started having a family she always wanted us to eat together I was like what is wrong with you who does that the family I grew up in with my mother cooked the food was on the stove you ain't got fed yourself you made your play you set out but we didn't sit down and pray and they have a conversation but the table is a powerful environment because when everybody's seated at the table and you don't bring your electronic devices and you leave your phone in your room and you don't bring your iPad and you don't bring your laptop or any of those items to the table now we can see you see at the table I get to see you you get to be seen you get to be heard you get to be recognized sometimes we gotta break it down I don't care if it's hot dogs and pizza at the table sit and get to see where everybody is because the body language of your child will let you know where they are the chalice that can I leave now do we have to do this can I go through this that when somebody is disengaged you need to be aware of that that's why I don't believe that Adam and Eve when they had a Cain and Abel when I first was just a family for I don't believe they were having family dinners and the reason why I don't believe they were eating meals together is how can you have a child in your house that is plotting to murder his brother he has that angry with his brother that he planned a murder executed the murder hid the body and walked away and denied any involvement now check this out when they asked him did he do it it couldn't have been nobody but me or your mother or you yelling listen to me it wasn't before of us on earth we wouldn't know did you kill him now you have if they have been seeing him if they have been paying attention to his body language like what's up with child what's going on between y'all have a conversation dad could have stepped in and said see the only time you ever see Adam when you read through Genesis early on in Genesis the only time Adam shows up in passages is when he's having sex with Eve that's really you come he said and he knew Eve and she bore Cain he knew Eve she bore cable that's the man that only shows up in the bedroom but you got to show up at the table too so you can intervene with your children and find out you got a challenge or house that's about to commit murder the table eat a meal together number two bedtime prayers you know rebel rhesus prayed now lay me down to sleep I pray to Loma somebody had to teach us that I'm saying that's a ritual that's just something that gives a child a sense of normalcy every night that doesn't have to include electronics to get them to go to sleep like hey let's pray and let's not just pray a prayer we memorize let's learn how to pray about what concerns us what are you worried about do you have a friend you want to pray for word you would when you want to pray for pray for mom and dad birthday celebrations very important I believe birthday celebrations should be treated like national holidays and everybody's family we don't let our children know the reason why I'm giving you so much on this day because this is dated Lord sent you into our life he sent you to us and we're gonna celebrate this day like it's Christmas this is your day this is your day we make a big deal out of their day what does that do that gives them roots i matter here my date of birth matters here here's a fourth thing the seat of Honor a family ritual I learned this from a guy named Wayne bond in and down in Charlotte North Carolina the seat of Honor is when you set a chair in the middle of a room and everybody in the family sits around the chair and one family member at a time sits in a chair and whoever sitting in the chair gets to hear from everybody in the family how valuable they are to them they honor them I appreciate your style I appreciate your kindness thank you for how you helped me clean up the kitchen thank you for how you helped provide this for me they show acts of love and kindness can you imagine what that does for a family when most families just-joan on each other and condescend to one another and speak negatively of the other if every week I knew that I sit in a chair and my siblings and my parents are telling me how valuable I am what does that do for my self-worth and self-esteem when I go to school I don't have to worry about what you say about me because I know every Thursday when I go home I give you hear from the people that matter most that I'm smart I'm intelligent I'm cool I'm fly I'm dope I'm hype and I'm loved and I'm special you can't keep telling me that you can't undo that let me tell you something I'm of it it's so important to a child that when I was in my 40s true story when I was in my 40s I would ride down to my mother's house while she was still living on Sunday evenings when I was at I would preach on Sundays I go to have my mother's house we play cards but the real water real reasons why I would go down there is to hear my mother say boy you Michael Jackson [Applause] she said when it come to appreciate you like Michael Jackson she would be she'd be talking to her friends they cause she said girl did you hear that word today oh I just heard when I would walk in the house her my stepfather would say I'll pass this here I'll pass this here she changed my diapers and came and got me out of trouble but when I was in my 40s she was saying my pastors here my pastors here she would hike me I'm so good let me say something I don't really know if I can preach I might suck at this but let me tell you what you ain't gonna do you can't convince me that I ain't good it's my mother told me I'm Michael Jackson at this mess get us out of that my mama say that's the seat of Honor that's the power of it you can't undo with the people that matter say to this day when I leave home then when I leave just right now the only person I really want to hear some from I appreciate every words y'all say I appreciate camera I want to know what Vicki thinks that matters it's the seat of Honor here's another there's another one family date night when is there a time when the family just does something and it's uninterrupted we coordinate schedules we block it out and we just do something together we go to the movies we go to we just go get pizza we do we how about a movie at home we how about this how about watching something in the same room on the same television who does that most times you got somebody in the house you got one person to the house they'll miles on Facebook dad's on Instagram the kids on snapchat they're trying to be wherever the parents ain't they will if prayers roll up in snapchat it's going to be an exodus the kids will leave and they used to be on Facebook they're all the prayers on Facebook somebody listening to the headphones another person is is is doing the playing xbox all this disconnection everybody's got their own television and different positive house even if they're watching the same thing somebody yell upstairs they hey you see that No cut everything off but two hours we're going to be in the same room watching the same thing together giving our own feedback it's just us time it's a ritual sir ritual family vacations big time my kids have never not wanted to go on vacation if nothing else they don't like going to school just you have to plan for it financially budget for vacations and if you can't afford to get on a plane and fly somewhere or go on a cruise somewhere get in your van because you ain't parents and if you ain't got no minivan I don't care what you say you ain't true to it you ain't got no many ways being Vicki we're getting that Honda Odyssey and ride right up to him staying Long Island New York 144 Maplewood Avenue that was our vacation her parents had a nice house we grew up there the kids were happy sometimes you got to go down south all black people got some light in their family down south Eric by every one of us got a family member in North Carolina somewhere we our family in Africa and North Carolina that's it Africa North : maybe South Carolina or Alabama but we got somebody you gotta go down there in the country where they ain't got no cable or no internet you can't help it be a family name we got to talk to each other a message out [Applause] what you gonna do I'm gonna go stand out on the porch and I'm gonna come back in you take a vacation right in a minivan that's what I'm talking about cuz you ain't being you ain't never parent until you got some skittles on the floor stuck in the carpet on the minivan and french fries up under the car seat and cookies smeared on the mirror on the window you don't even get that joint watched anymore you just let the rain wash it wipe it off it got like 22 smells in it parenting is hard so their placenta parenting is hard but those of you don't have chosen let me tell you what is like the parent being a parent is like taking your heart and letting it walk outside of you every one of them Joker's pull on your heart they keep you worried keep you stressed out keep you praying there goes my heart sick my heart got a fever it ain't it ain't your child my heart got a fever my heart got an infection that's my heart that just got on that school bus that's my heart I just signed this the child care that's my heart they went off to college that's my heart is dating somebody I ain't comfortable with that's my heart getting into relationships that I'm not cool with that's my heart running around with the wrong people ain't that a trip we always say I child running with the wrong crowd [Applause] Jim people on the road till them say my child run around the wrong crowd somebody whose child is wrong [Applause] maybe your chow in the wrong jack what number long number seven family devotions do something spiritual together pray together read the word read the Bible get a devotional book play games together number eight space charades [Applause] Simon Says hide-and-seek I got a real good game when the kid is real small they don't know no better he just want some quiet want to go to sleep say I got this game let me tell you I bet y'all don't win but if y'all win I'm gonna give y'all something good miss the game I'm gonna go upstairs and act like I'm sleeping for about three hours if y'all don't wake me up y'all win don't do nothing don't talk to each other just be still in fact y'all act like y'all sleep for three hours - I only have a name for it it's the game it's called gang number nine attend an entertainment event together go see fireworks go see an air show car show the circus read through a book together number 10 serve the community together number 11 do something as a family together like we're going and we're going to serve the hope or are we going to go serve a family in need or we're going to go visit a senior home and just take some cookies to the senior do something together family affirmations very important what does this family stand for write it in tribe this is our family Constitution these are words we live by and everybody should contribute it to it like I believe in this family every voice should be heard everybody's opinion matters everybody's dreams should be respected everybody's space should be respected well I don't know about that I think you've got something in your space and I'm paying for it I'm searching it that's a trip to when your kids get old but they ain't paying no rent but they want Authority you can't be broken have authority you got it you get treated like a kid you know money Amen number thirteen family business meeting when we talk finances dreams goals about getting out of debt making a purchase making an acquisition college tuition money retirement income estate planning you got to have business meetings with your family can just have conversations so we don't have arguments number fourteen apology should be a family ritual there's no way you can live in the same house with the same people who are in limbo time and now offend each other hurt each other disappoint each other and if hurt offense and disappointment is happening then apologies should be regular its me a regular part of the family constructive apologies I'm sorry my bad and not just the children as parents we got to humble ourselves and go before our kids and say I'm sorry mommy shouldn't have said that to you that was unfair of me that was a little too much I took it too far - didn't put his hands on you like that I'm sorry I lost my temper I wasn't really mad at you I was mad about something else and I brought that home I shouldn't did that I should have been there for your games I was doing me at the time I was being selfish I'm sorry for all the time I miss with you there should be apologies going on because people know you did them wrong and an apology should always happen at the level of the offense in other words whatever whoever was around when you offended me needs to be brought back around I can't even say when you apologize you don't get to custom me out and disrespect me in front of the whole family and then meet me later on upstairs and apologize to me in private nah bring the whole family back downstairs where we you sit where you were sitting reenact the whole thing now we back where we work what you guys say you offended all of us that should be in the system number 15 memory lane sessions just sometimes you should go back down memory lane even your key is just talk about a stuff that wasn't funny at the time hey remember that time we snuck out the houses stole a car and dad beat us beat us to the police came we side there we got you locked up there night movies we call Child Protective Services you got stuff stopped it wasn't funny would it happen if you talked about it and we have roots we can laugh about it because we know we forgiving each other and we're moving forward number 16 dream sessions there'll be times when everybody could just say what's your dream what do you dream will happen what do you want where do you want to go what do you want to accomplish that's how we give children roots that's how we create create connectivity in a house but then Carter says they don't just need roots they also need wings how do you give a child the capacity to soar I've got a strong foundation I've got a family the way you give a child their capacity to soar his hoot is the Bible says in proverbs 22:6 train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he's not depart from it what that means is is you have to study the amplified bible is great right there it talks about training up a child according to their skills and abilities that's literally what it means it means identifying how God has scripted every child but the Bible says we've been fearfully and wonderfully made God has designed every single human being with unique strengths so that arrow needs to be aimed a I am a I am every child needs to be aimed we need to be aware of their innate masteries what is their innate mastery I need to be aware of that you got to study them and find out his where children struggle children struggle because their parents keep them to be great as something they'll never be great at why can't you get this people slamming they've hit something how come you can't get this algebra trigonometry get mad that's all right when's the last time you used some trigonometry only now to say it tell me when let's hey Lulu trigonometry check eraser maybe not trigonometry tell me when you didn't got straight A's in it and you do have we could have say that money on though your trigonometry degree could has just been doing cosmetology we have to find out what people are innately gifted at doing a mom that's my first thing a mom according to their unique bet when I was a kid I had I would get in trouble I was a class clown all the time so you could tell right so I would get in trouble for disrupting the class they call it belligerence they have words on the suspension notice I need know what it meant he was belligerent you couldn't google it you just had to just assume insubordinate what is that I didn't settle cool I got suspended for that so I get suspended again if it gets suspended I get a beatin and get beat I get punished all for being funny somebody should have asked before they beat me let me just ask you a question is he funny see if I was corny you're supposed to get beat I bet if somebody asked that question Caesar said he is hilarious I wouldn't laugh myself but he's messing up the class I can't keep him in there I can't teach okay he's funny everybody's not funny let's try this let's figure out how we can aim him let's figure out how we can harness this gift of comedy and a gift of speaking for his cuz now he's doing it for a living I get paid to do this now but nobody ever a me in fact I got beat and suspended for it and the deep people said try to do pseudo psychology on me says you're doing that because you miss your father that's what Daisy tell me the reason why you act the way you do in class is because your father left you I was like oh well maybe he should come back let's go get him I'm trying to get him beat I was speaking of the scooters true story I'm sure all this time making enough I speak in a school called Reika I've got record stands for but it's when you bad you go to write go kind of hat is that speaking at Riker they gave me 15 minutes to speak I forgot what the event was but I'm speaking of the students at Riker and it gave me 15 minutes so while I'm up and I seen this during the ceremony there was a kid back just like me who was cutting up the whole time breaking up the room making people laugh and stuff and I could tell he was the class clown cuz clown no clown you know how if you dress real fly can't you tell when the fly person walks in the room now just no flight no fly right I'm no clown when I see clown in a minute so and I can tell by the way the teachers was treating him and students laughing teachers frowning on him rebuking them and stuff sad when I got to speak I said hey what's your name he thought I was going carry him and make fun of them I said no what's your name age Tommy's acid do you like comedy he didn't know where this is going I start telling I said I love comedy I start naming all the people all the comedian's I love and I say man comedy makes a difference people need to laugh it makes them feel better laughter releases toxins out of your body and releases endorphins and then kepler's to the brain it gives you a feel-good moment it's like a good high when you laugh and I said you're valuable I said I said I only got 15 minutes probably about 13 now but I'll give you five of them if you come up here if you do clean jokes I'll give you my Menace because nobody ever gate and everybody nobody ever affirmed my comedy I'm affirming yours right now and that dude walk out of his seat and he had a couple of one-liners he really did it he didn't hear you know what to say he said he said he walked up he says boy oh ma he says I just flew in and blaring my arms tired that was his opening joke I was like that's good man I'm he did that off-the-cuff he did a couple of Jones and then he sat down but you know what I was doing I was aiming him he's not my child I don't know what happened to him but I'm part of the village and when I see innate mastery you gotta aim people don't put them down find out how we can use this hey you insane like we always look at us so if a child comes home and they got an A in English they got an A in social studies they got a C in biology and they got an F in math did I say Matthew we're gonna focus on the app and I'm saying don't ignore 2f but make sure you explore the A's because a person's wings come from their strengths not from their weakness let me tell you there between a weakness and a strength a weakness weakens you a strength strengthens you a weakness is how you know a weakness you don't like doing it you get frustrated when you're doing it you want to stop doing it when you're doing it and you don't look forward to doing it it's a weakness everybody how many have weaknesses things you don't do well aren't you glad you don't have to do your weakness for a living stop making your child do it understand is it because of school say he pose would be good at that don't mean he'll ever be good at that some people ain't meant to go to college some people meant to run a business or be a designer okay everybody aimin to do it the way you did it find out how God designed that child and stop telling them you can be anything that's not the right answer it sounds good but it's lazy it's not you can be anything what if they want to be tall see we keep telling them something though it sounds good it's motivational but it's not accurate you can be what God designs you to be and it's my job to read you and say boy you shop at this you cool at this you got a unique bent towards this you're a compassionate person you're creative person I want to feed that in your life do you like that then you enjoy that where you can figure out a way to make a living doing that that's how you make them soar and then put them in an environment where they're strips can be developed how many I remember Michael Jordan played for the Chicago Bulls and the Wizards green playfully Michael Jordan is arguably the best basketball player ever when he was in his thing he was the man if you want some stuff to laugh at watch him for two years try to play minor league baseball that Bama was distracted he riding on a bus to these little minor-league games it was a mess but he always wanted to do it and I'm saying you got to understand dad in between a hobby and a calling and interest and an anointing we missed two years of his mastery while he's trying to find himself on the baseball field I'm saying stop messing around with stuff that's not what you're designed to fly in doing last thing last thing we got to prepare we got to prepare our children for independence a part of giving them wings is making them stronger the way you make an Eagle fly you got to push the eaglet out of the nest and sometimes they're gonna fall but you got to give their wings strength and the way you strengthen a child for their exit we're preparing children to go we're preparing them for their exit train up a child way and when it should go you're preparing them for their exit you gotta you have to withdraw levels of support so that they learn to stand on their own like see they're gonna be shocked when they get out there and they realize wait a minute you got to pay cellphone yeah there's a yeah AT&T will be sending you something they sent it faithfully every month and if you don't send them something back your phone won't be one oh these tags have a do I put that sticker came with the tags no every two years you got to pay something so did that sticker can get back on the tack they're gonna put a new sticker on there and the sticker run out your tags are dead oh by the way you got to have insurance on that car it's called liability and collision coverage you got paid for that it's called progressive or Geico you could save fifteen dollars or less on a 10 minute call if you want but you gonna have to get that see they pavement up they thinking apartment walking apartment already got toilet paper in it it already got toiletries in it they're already got cereal and milk and refrigerator they go open that refrigerator up and see a light and shelves oh no you got to go to the store to get that stuff and you got to buy it [Applause] we raise the kids that have no idea what it takes to survive in this world because you taking so good care of him you got a 38 year old son still on your cell phone plan [Applause] that's why they're not ready we have to prepare them and then some of them we're now Vicki now we got three grown children they're all in their 20s they live with us there was a time when they were all gone what was in college one had his own apartment and what was living in New York they all back that's what you call a boomerang kid hey y'all get back they all back like they never left then you gotta have some rules in place now you can't come back here you come back here one adult privileges but you ain't making an adult contribution coming in here any time of the night you were y'all later see now Vicki Vicki raised him so she won them all to be gone because I wasn't as good as a dad I kind of glad they there cuz I get another chance she ready for them to go I'm like why you being so mean she said what did we need to go let them stay here we gotta go [Applause] but the goal is when we go see we can't relate to it because when we got 20 21 22 we was out of there how many I remember we just trying to get up out of there whatever it takes if I gotta move in with somebody in their basement I remember being a carton to be in this joint and when we left we not waiting coming to visit members come back with kids bills get repossessions it's a different generation my generation we work so hard we have a life that's we out worked out in the way of life how many you know you work so hard not only have a life they're different they live so hard they don't have a work they don't want no job getting away their life every night yeah our clothes it'll mess with my weekends afternoon Warner's and evenings yep anytime you can work in there [Applause] I'm done I really AM up I hope let me say this to you family matters it matters I'm writing my second book it's called psychology it's really I'm writing this book about protecting marriages I did some research on this and the research I discovered is that girls who are raised in the house of a divorce couple have a four-year shorter life span and girls who are raised in a home with their parents stay together we killing our children trying to be happy I ain't saying I mean maybe not killing them but shorting in their life every man is his daughter's hero whether you know it or not she determines her worth by the way you treat her mother she gets her mo about what man she would marry about watching you [Music] there was a girl I'm doing I'm reading so much as I prepare this book there was a girl that had a situation at school where some boys at her school fondled her she was devastated by it but she had one hope when I get home and tell my father he's gonna beat them up cuz that's what dads do that's what my hero does she had she envisioned her father tandem boys up for what they did her when she got home and told her father what had happened behind the newspaper he said to her boys will be boys so not only is she hurt by what the boys did to her she's devastated by what her father didn't do for her now she's framed in her mind this is how boys are supposed to treat me when the Bible says chosen are like arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior that's somebody who will fight for their arrows how many you would fight for your keys I'll fight for him I'll fight you phone I'll fight you over put your hands on it they may it came out their mouth wrong but you ain't gonna choke them out of it we're gonna have a combo say I might choke him out but you ain't gonna choke him out I know some women my wife is sweeter she could be mess with one room kids mighty warriors and don't just fight physically we advocate for them cuz once you read them well you know what resources they're gonna need in order to get so you fight for trying to get you in the right thing who am I talking to here I don't know we just having a conversation strategic parenting gives them roots and wings roots and wings they needed y'all they need it they need to write wings so they can soar today I want to give you an opportunity to make some steps every message every encounter with God every every church service the ball becomes in our court as listeners to say are we going to apply what we learned to our life and I'd say as a step don't try to do everything just try to do a thing what thing will we agree to do to implement to strengthen the bond of our family I've had minute I had a man welcome to me today say I was leaving I had already had my exit plan when you spoke to me today I decided to make a commitment to my family mistake that's what I'm talking about if nothing if that happens because family matters it matters it matters happy or not I'm gonna stay here I ain't going nowhere you should sing that when you win your wife make you mad ain't going nowhere [Applause] steps everybody steps I was sitting in that chair during service it's a great seat it's comfortable good sight line but in order to fulfill this assignment I had to leave that seat and take some steps the difference between comfort and obedience is steps some of them uncomfortable these ain't walking shoes I'm not comfortable my knee hurts I'm tired but you don't just get to do what you want to do in life you do what you're supposed to do [Applause]

Channel: Keith Battle

Views: 6,474

Rating: 4.9162302 out of 5

Keywords: strategic parenting, Keith Battle, Pastor Battle, Zion Church, sermon, parenting, DMV, Maryland, teaching, family, love, marriage, parenting strategies, empowered to connect, parenting tips, tedx talks, nurture, nature vs nurture, become a better parent

Id: pVWo99balwc

Length: 51min 42sec (3102 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 11 2018