Healing Our Attachment Disorders

everybody doing quiet group today Oh hallelujah open your Bibles today we're going to teach on I'm going to teach on something in the beginning that I've never taught them before my talk about attachment disorders we're talking about the spirit of rejection and broken heartedness and woundedness and as a result of people not really understanding what the problem is of where most of our wounds I believe that we have our parental wounds our parents did the best they could raising us but many times they've been going through their own thing and some of them have been abused and as a result they teach you what they know and then as a result of many of us being world war two babies parents of that there's a lot of neglect abuse because they were taking care of themselves and that's all they knew how to do the the trauma that some people go through that they're surviving themselves and they don't know how to meet your needs but God created us all to have our needs met and so he gave us mothers and fathers and his perfect plan is to have our needs met as a child when you're crying you get your attention you know your diapers are changed and there's some places when people are in trauma they just let kids cry they leave them alone they don't know how to take care of children some of them we're not wanted some of them a lot of times we're dealing with the board adoption in an adoption being transferred from one caregiver to another things happen to children and then we end up having all these rejected people trying to have relationships with other rejected people and we're having trouble and we're having issues and then in churches nobody wants to talk about relationships they don't want to talk about faith and all and that's good but we need to have a balance of how to deal with humans we are one so I want to talk a little bit about attachment disorder and I've known about this and I went through some of my notes from years ago and I've I've just hit a little bit of it but I I brought an article because I think we're gonna see more and more of it coming into what's going on with the world today we're gonna start seeing a lot of this and we need to believe God for healing and some of you here as I studying this I saw this I said this is some of the issues that these people are dealing with and they don't even know it and first of all you have to know there's no condemnation because we can't help what we were brought into and we have to forgive our parents they did the best they could and if you're a parent you're you're doing the best you can even though your kids might not think you're such a hot parent one day they might thank you but I don't know of anybody that doesn't look back and say I just wish I could have done that a little better but that's not even what we're going into the whole thing we're dealing with this morning is why people act the way they do and why people can't continually go on and have normal relationships so let's look in Psalms 34 I'm just gonna start with here you don't have to turn if you don't want because we'll have some other places to go but the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit all of humans all humankind all of us because of the result of Adam and Eve in the fall we're all dysfunctional we all have something because this isn't the planet that we were supposed to be on because of a dominance choice Adam and Eve choices we're all we we're all kind of a mess we can put on masks and faces and pretend we're better or less or whatever but until we can get real with ourselves and get real with God and get real with each other we can't have intimacy with relationships and God wants us to know how to be attached properly and as a result of many people not getting it from their childhood they have a attachment dysfunction and they attached wrong and we've all probably got some of this somewhere in our life and if you don't have it I can guarantee you you know somebody that this is going to help you understand people that have been neglected by their mothers and their fathers have been left alone they end up being brokenhearted and what happens is they're so used to having their needs not met they just quit caring and then they quit trusting and when they could trust they don't even look for love because they don't think it exists because in their world in their little world there was no safety ever does that make sense so they they end up going on this path and I'm gonna kind of try to explain it to you the best that I can so the Lord is close to the brokenhearted know that God loves us no matter how messed up we are and that good and we love our children no matter how much messed up they are and we love our grandchildren whatever it's just that's just the way it is God's never gonna leave us or forsake us but somehow all the way along the line he wants to show us some light so that we can know why some of these problems may be originated so how does your heart break or how does anybody's heart break if he said he's close to the brokenhearted one of the main ministries of Jesus was come to heal the brokenhearted we have to know what what does that all mean our heart breaks through abandonment being deserted Forsaken or rejected now we can be abandoned and rejected all the way through life we talked a little bit about childhood but going through school can be very very traumatizing because maybe your feet are too big your head's too big you haven't grown into your body yet it's these awkward stages and kids are mean they're bullies they pick on each other and then make you feel bad and so if you don't get that comfort and that love from a parent or parental unit then you're kind of listen to lying spirits and you think there's something wrong with you and that's why as parents regardless of what they look like you got to keep saying you're handsome you're beautiful until they grow into their their self how many remember you're going through awkward stages as teenagers so we can be Forsaken and abandoned rejected all the way through school and I'm not going to go through all the details but not getting picked for this team or not getting to be played as a basketball player or you had to sit on the bench or all these things affect our self-esteem so being abandoned desert forsaken are rejected can cause our heart to hurt but the withdrawal of support protection or responsibility is what abandonment is so if you've been abandoned by your parents some and I'm thinking of someone right now they their mom and dad didn't want them and they just kind of abandoned them that person's going to have a lot of abnormal responses in life because of the fact that nothing was normal to them they lived in chaos they lived in confusion and as a result there was no safety so to them their world is total chaos so the result is what I'm going to talk about this morning is attachment disorders now I don't I don't know if this has ever been taught in a church before but I think it should be because it'll help you understand why people can't have intimacy when I've always been a worship leader and I like praise and worship there's seasons I like worship more because it brings the presence of God more but there's some people that can't stand worship and I've watched I said why don't you like worship because they don't want to get vulnerable they don't want to get intimate they don't want to get loving and and if they can't get loving with the Lord and that intimacy you know they can't get loving with their mates and many times it's just they don't want to be vulnerable and I want to explain to you what this is the result is this attachment disorder which is pretty well-known in the world in counseling but it's without the sense of trust now if there's one thing that I've dealt with you know it's over 40 some years in ministry is that people don't trust and people say you're the only one I trust I don't that's really hard when you're dealing with a whole group of people that don't trust anybody because you make one mistake and they throw you out because that's the way they protect themselves so the first thing if you have a problem with trusting this could be part of your issue they become hyper village n't about their own safety because they have never had anyone else take care of them so then they have to take care of themselves right I mean this is just the way it is don't try to be this way but when you're thrown in chaos and in survival mode you have to take care of you because their own world has been unsafe now they want to create safety so they won't let others care for them in a loving nurturing manner now this is the thing when I was dating I was counseling this girl that wanted to date somebody and I told her I said you shouldn't date him because you're a bad girl she wanted a bad boy do you know I mean by that and she her husband a does a bad boy so she gravitated towards men that treated her like her dad did and she said this person is just too nice I said too nice and I watched her life she got pregnant by two different drug drug dealers as a terrible thing but the whole thing was she didn't know how to receive love from her parents or her dad and as a result she went after men that treated her like her dad it's all subconscious you say you're never gonna marry someone like your dad and how weird is it sometimes you do I'm never gonna be like might marry someone like you mom and then the boys I'll marry someone like you it's just a subconscious thing they gravitate towards what's normal so the problem here is if you have a detachment disorder you won't let other people love you you won't let other people nurture you because to you this is not normal so now when we're in the kingdom of God we have to renew our minds and say I'm gonna break some of these habits because this stuff can be unlearned if it's been ingrained in you like anything else I believe God can change us and if God can't change us we're in the wrong business because we're all we all are a mess but God's not afraid of a mess so what happens with people that have had these kind of upbringing --zz they are demanding and controlling because they're responding to their world of fear controllers and dominators are very fearful and secure people don't let their masks of dominating and controlling everything fool you that makes sense they become demanding and controlling in response to their world of fear what causes attachment disorder any times it's an unwanted pregnancy didn't want this child in sensitive parenting I've seen this if if the dad is very insensitive not in tune with his emotions can't show affection to a son then all of a sudden the Sun starts developing issues regardless of how wonderful the mother is sometimes boys look to their dads and so then all of a sudden they have this insensitive father and then they think that that's how they should be and I love a man that can cry that can weep before God that can repent that can be vulnerable can shares emotions most men are afraid of emotions because they've been taught it's not a man it's not like a man to have feelings so they stuff them down and then they just become angry all the time anger is the only one Society says is normal but we have to look in the Bible Jesus wept so it's good times when you can weep you can get your emotions out you can deal with how you feel and sometimes a wife has to teach or vice versa man has to teach his wife how to feel this is your emotions God didn't give them to you to avoid what are your emotions telling you well I don't want to deal with that so they just they constantly live in this world of no trust no feeling and I got to control everyone and everyone's going to not like me in any way in the in the end of the end of it all they're just going to reject me so I'm going to reject them before they reject me so in sensitive parenting not knowing how to be a good mom or how to be a good dad this is something that we don't teach even in churches how do you be a good most people have maybe sometimes they don't have grandparents they don't have a mom how how do I do this they're all they have to start from scratch because no one tells them it's not passed down because there's not a whole lot of family and the enemy wants to kill the family you know that and we won't go into the whole thing about destroying the family and all that but as a result we've got a lot of abused and neglected children and if you've ever been adopted if you've been through adoption agencies a lot of these kids have dysfunctional attachments because they don't want to feel they don't want to love you're gonna let me go to so why should I even get close to you then we get these people in our churches and we don't know how to deal with them so let me just share just a second about the attachment disorder that I found this article first what is attachment it's it's bonding and this this bonding has to go on when you're married when you have relationships but if you've never had it in the beginning of your life and you don't know what it looks like you're not gonna have a good marriage you're not going to have good relationships because you don't know how to attach properly so it's a bonding process and it's an emotional connection I know what it's like to not have emotional connections do you guys it's like you're two peas but you're not potty and I just just made that up but there's no connection I was at a wedding two weeks ago and this girl I just loved her and I never met her husband and I was hoping that wasn't her husband sitting next to her because they had no connection they couldn't it was just like two icicles just you know and I trust me I know that feeling attachment is a deep connection established between a child and a caregiver that profoundly affects your child's development and ability to express emotions and develop relationships if you are the parent of a child with an attachment disorder you may be exhausted from trying to connect them and trying to connect with your child now kids go through this stage anyway they go through the teenage years where they don't want you around you're weird I mean remember my kids playing basketball and my son fell and I thought he broke his ankle and I ran down on the basketball court mom's never do that I'm too cool if I broke my leg I want to be cool without you you are not gonna disgrace me and look bad so I learned they could be dying but don't go on that basketball court or football court or whatever they don't want to be a mama's boy or whatever but a child with insecure attachment or attachment disorder lacks the skills he doesn't have the tools and that's why we have to teach people in relationships to have tools that they were never given and it might be really easy for you but like we talked about last week Mephibosheth because he was dropped in a time that he should have been protected he was five years old and his nurse was supposed to care for him and protect him but because the war was coming and she had heard that David and Jonathan were both dead and now they were fearing that they were gonna come and kill mephibosheth so she in haste was holding Mephibosheth and she tripped and fell and he became lame and his feet and some people say he broke both legs and as a result of that breaking and as a result of that wounding what is normal for most people mephibosheth couldn't do he was dragging around two bad legs so some people act different because of what they've been through and so when we judge people by just the way they act sometimes we don't go deep enough to say why do they act the way they act and as a counselor and as a pastor I've learned to go beyond the outward and look into the heart and it's really easy to love someone when you can see a heart but if you're just observing the way they act and even rebellion and all this and kids and on sometimes they're just screaming for attention in the wrong way but they're they're crying out for something and their emotions are raging and they don't know how to handle that emotion my granddaughter who's three now but when she was two she'd cry a lot because she didn't know how to vocalize words yet so everything was and that's how sometimes people are with their emotions they were never trained that you could talk to mom and dad you can sit down and we can talk it was always shut up and smile eat don't be don't be causing me any trouble and and a lot of our fathers didn't know how to have a relationship with us and especially boys you need to be alaa dated by your dad you need you your dad needs to tell you you know he thinks you're awesome if not you're you're going through your whole life trying to feel good about you and it's it's a parenting tool that you never got that you should have God but in the Lord now we have to believe that God's gonna restore to us all the things we didn't get but we have to believe for that but if you don't even want it you have to get aroused to say I really miss this growing up and and in the Lord we're a family now and there's gonna be people that God's gonna send to you can be your spiritual moms your brothers and sisters in the Lord and so we never stop growing so your neighbor never stop never stop going let me give you a couple things here about this attachment disorder this will help you understand people that pastors I know pastors that has this disorder couldn't figure out what all the counseling in the world won't help them if they have an attachment disorder it can be your boss it can be your best friend and you wonder why don't they trust me after all these years I've done everything I know to do to have them trust me and know that I'm here for them but they they never they never have you know what I'm saying they just can't properly attach and if you have something that's broken say I took a ball here or something there was a glass ball in it I just threw it goes off into pieces that's what these people's hearts look like they're broken hearted so they cut off their feelings to stop the pain they don't want any more pain they don't want any more abuse they don't want any more rejection so they'd rather just live in an um lance and early relationship if young children feel repeatedly abandoned isolated powerless or uncared for whatever the reason they will learn that they can't depend on others and the world is a dangerous and frightening place reactive attachment disorder and the attachment problems occur when children have been a ball to consistently connect with the parent now some of you right here can say that would me my mom died so I couldn't connect with her my dad was always drunk I couldn't connect with him so we all have something we can relate to right a baby cries and no one responds to comfort him a baby's hungry and wet no one attends to him no one looks after him a young child gets attention only by acting out or displaying other extreme behaviors you've heard of those kind of kids the parent is emotionally unavailable and many of our parents were emotionally unavailable they were freaked out by the depression or they were going through a divorce or they were going through a drug issue or alcohol issue and now that you have kids you have to know I'm here to meet my kids needs in the first season we're the young kids are not there to meet the parents needs now this is what happens with attachment disorders these parents are so out of touch that the kids are always trying to be their parent it's parental inversion is what it's called because you now are a caretaker and you're codependent because you're not used to anyone taking care of you so you feel like it's your job now to take care of everyone else because that way you don't have to deal with you if I can focus on all her problems I don't have any if I can just talk about her judge her and the more you judge other people the more you haven't taken care of you because the more you take care of you you realize really you know what I don't have a throat I don't have a stone to throw at them because God's brought me from that pit or this you could you understand people better and you you can receive people where they're at and and people that have this kind of disorder that have never been taken care of properly are emotionally immature they're some of them act like high school kids they get mad and they throw tantrums they've never been emotionally taken care of does that make sense so they're stunted they're stunted in their emotional development we used to pray with Lisa and she'd always pray for their emotional it was and this gift she had working with kids and stuff she'd pray that they would grow beyond their up to their real age rather than stay stunted in the daily that they got traumatized and wounded because you have to keep growing with your emotions and most people that get hurt they just cut you off that's it I'm done with you boom and as a result there's terrible relationships in the church not just outside of the church but in the church because we've got all these traumatized rejected hurting people trying to have relationships and community with other rejected and abandoned and forsaken people because in God's eye we're all a bunch of rejects but he's close to us he said I'm close to the brokenhearted so churches need to be hospitals and you never say someone's too sick to come to a hospital you're too sick go to somewhere else churches for abandoned broken wounded people that's why Jesus said I've adopted you your father and your mother have forsaken you but I never will so now we get reground it in okay we might have had a bad beginning but we don't have to end that way amen a parent is emotionally unavailable okay I'm going to hit this one for a second workaholism people that work non-stop many times they're hiding their feelings about something if you can't rest and you can't relax something's not right they tell your neighbor something's not right to a young child it just feels like no one cares and they lose trust in others and the world again becomes a very unsafe place it's hard when there's no loving connection in your life but in the kingdom of God it's exciting because God does bring people to help you he brings people alongside you know this is the thing if God sends someone to you how you treat them determines if they can stay if you don't treat them right if you abuse them their season might be short with you but if you say God sent this person to me and I'm going to receive everything I can does that make sense but he will release you from assignments because if people won't listen then he's gonna send you to somebody else that will that was for someone wasn't planning on saying that but children with reactive attachment disorders have been so disrupted in early life that their future relationships can also be so affected so you meet someone you fall in love but they don't know how to handle relationships they don't know how to be intimate they don't know how to show you they love you they're afraid to show affection so now this person ends up married really unhappy and these are the people that go and have affairs they go and have affairs because they're looking for someone to fill this void that's not being filled and then no one wants to talk about it and the church just condemns you because you did it but nobody goes to the root of why it happened so it keeps on happening so we got to go to these root issues of why can't I attach with people or why so-and-so candidates and if they if it's someone that won't attach to you and you're trying there's certain things we have to do we have to be patient we have to be steady if you have any kind of anger with people that have attachment disorders they will disconnect from you that fast if they sense anger because now they're in protective mode so as a mother if your child has these kind of things you have to be very careful you deal with your issues first make sure you deal with your stress make sure you deal with your anxiety then you deal with this child because you want to get them healed especially in divorce situations and we've got to deal with this more and more in the Church of Malta multiple families coming together and certain kids just get along great and then there's other ones that are harder for whatever reason they don't attached or they don't like this parent they like the other one and there's just a whole lot of problems good old devil on the earth right let's just blame him right now because it is his fault but we all have a place in it but we just feel like blaming the devil right now let me just go through this really quick and common signs and symptoms of this disorder an average an aversion to touch and physical affection every person I know that has they don't like to be touched it's like don't there's people that I've had to actually beg to go get a massage that's like you just won't know how good it is I don't want nobody touching me I don't want nobody touching me and it's ouch you know it's like they've never learned the good side of a good touch all they've had is bad touchy it's so sad then you'll always find control issues always because they don't trust anyone so they have to live in control and this gets really tiring if you're around someone that always has to be controlling most children with this attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control and avoid feeling helpless they are often disobedient defiant and argumentative anger problems anger may be expressed directly and tantrums are acting out or through manipulative passive-aggressive behavior some things don't seem to bother them they seem real laid-back and then all of a sudden they get aggressive children with reactive attachment disorder may hide their anger and socially acceptable situations but then they're going to come off sideways you know what coming off sideways means they're just not acting normal they have difficulty showing genuine care and affection now if you've never been taken care of as a baby all the way up and you've never had proper nurturing which I'd say most people haven't then it's hard for you to love unconditionally because you're so tension you're so touchy that if if you do something and it's not accepted you pull back right away so there's walls walls walls and the longer you live with someone and you don't deal with issues the thicker your walls get time does not heal this stuff it just gets thicker and harder and harder to find the real person there was someone I was dealing with once and I just said I know you that you're in there somewhere but I can't find you because they're so full of abandonment rejection lying spirits they listen to the wrong voice and they've listened so long even if they're saved even if you're saved you've got to come to grips with some of this rejection and abandonment that you've had so that you can go on and have healthy natural relations and if you don't let people love you and care for you you still have part of that disorder it's not normal for you not to let somebody love you amen you okay I think I'm kind of done with this but this is all broken heartedness and this is what Jesus came for is to heal the broken heartedness and then there's other people they attached because they haven't had the proper love they they tell you everything right away they have no boundaries they just they want you to love them so bad that they just connect in the wrong way if you ever met people like that you'll you'll talk to them in church how are you all this is going on this all of a sudden they give you 30 minutes of their history and you're like all I said was how are you I take it back sorry I asked but they're starving for affection they're love starved so the whole issue here is is safety and fear and now that we're with the Lord every day you just have to say fear go for me I'm not going to be afraid I'm not going to be afraid and I feel really bad for people that live alone because we have to love them and stretch our arms and our hoses and stuff open to them because God didn't create us to live alone so it's scary it's sad its fearful especially in these days and that's why we need community are you alright so broken heartedness in psalm 69 20 I look for sympathy but there was no comfort I look for comfort but there was none for comfort but I found none and that's why people get brokenhearted is there's nobody to love them there's no one to care for them they get abandonment and to get neglecting they get neglected and the aching heart just turns itself off they don't want to feel anymore I don't want any they go to a point of broken heartedness and that they just detach and then they become relationship avoiders do you know anybody that has a relationship avoider issues it's because basically this is their issues they have a detachment issue going through life and they have to learn how to attach properly what is a relationship avoider I take care of myself I don't need your help doesn't bother me have you ever heard people talk like that I don't care what you think I don't care what anyone thinks that's not a normal response it's a defensive rejected abandonment response from people that have been listening to spirits that say nobody loves you you're worthless like mephibosheth last week you talked about he was fallin in and he was lame on his feet nice and when David said who can I bless anyone in the house of Jonathan from or anybody is there does Jonathan have any sons and he said there is my vicious so when mephibosheth met David he said I'm just a dead dog what do you want to have to do with me I'm just a dead dog in other words he felt worthless he felt like nobody wanted him and he said here I'm lame in my two feet I've got some disabilities these disabilities make me unwanted who would even want me and he said I'm gonna love you and restore you because I loved your father Jonathan and I had a relationship and because of my love for for Jonathan I'm going to take care of you and now we're in a kingdom it's different God said because of Jesus He loves us unconditionally and because of most of us in our family relationships we can't imagine a god that would love us like that so we think we have to earn it we think we have to do penance we have to do beads we have to do all these works all these religious things just to get accepted by God and that's where God says no that's not the way you just come simply by faith trust in me that's just too easy and that's why it takes a childlike abandoning just say God you love me the way I am but you love me too much to let me stay the way I am so he wants us to continually keep learning keep training keep growing because we don't want to stay where we are so we don't want to be a relationship avoider because so many put-downs lead to shutdowns if you're in a relationship and you constantly nag that other person you constantly put them down you can't nothing's ever good you're always seeing the bad if you don't praise you're gonna end up causing that person to shut and they're gonna shut down because they don't want to open themself up to more negativity and you have to train yourself to start speaking the right things and in relationships sometimes you get too comfortable and it's too easy to put down and then pretty soon you're gonna have a shutdown and then what happens you have isolated and disconnect disconnected people they're isolated you can't find them you don't know how to minister to them they won't let anybody in they're not letting God in they're isolated and then they push others away and this is another thing if this is you you need to just analyze yourself so that if you're going to the doctor he'll tell you this is what's wrong with you my dad he was in World War two he had a lot of shrapnel in his ear he had a lot of stuff cuz stuff went off and everyone he was the only one that lived in his petunia came back pretty messed up and I said dad why don't you take that shrapnel out of your ear I said what's that black stuff in your head that's shrapnel I said well take it out oh no I ain't taking it out he left it in until he died he didn't want anybody picking at it and taking it out and because it hurts and that's the way it is sometimes when we have to deal with these issues it hurts it hurts it's painful to say wow I don't trust anybody because if you don't really trust anybody you can't trust God so you got to say okay this is I'm going to the doctor and he said this is it and he's gonna take his little forceps and all that stuff and he's gonna say it's gonna be ouch but afterwards you can say hallelujah it hurts but it hurts good because we're not here to condemn or put people down but we're here to get restored we're here to get healed find out why we act the way we do and most of the time it wasn't your fault but it is how we react now our responsibility so it wasn't your fault the way you were you were born and raised but now you have a family you have a wife you have a husband how you respond now is your responsibility so now you have to make you know make yourself connect make yourself uncomfortable at first anytime you do then that you've never done you're gonna be uncomfortable but you're gonna you know if you sat down just as Mike might some people I don't know always say I can talk to my mom but I can't talk to my dad or I can talk to my dad but I can't talk to my mom how horrible when you feel like someone can't talk to you make yourself available without judging them I did this teaching a long time ago and I was studying it for myself but I'll just share a sec we there's nothing wrong with us observing why people do what they do but we come into judging when we put a why to why they do it well they're not talking to me the reason is because I'm them so you start judging and then what happens it opens you up to all this pain and the pain comes because we're judging the situation without even knowing you know how often we do that we can observe something and say that's so-and-so got divorced say for instance but then if you go into the Y you really have no idea what goes on behind closed closed doors you have no reason to judge another couple because you haven't lived where they've lived you know I'm saying but we get as Christians we don't like to do a lot of other sins but we really like to judge it's called discernment and we put a lot of wise to stuff that we really have no just leave it alone just leave it's so much freeing to say you know what that's really none of my business it's not my responsibility I don't even need to know about that you must have the upper hand because of the lack of trust you become dominating command from you come from a point of view this is the other part that if people don't agree with in a person that has one of these things then you're their enemy you either agree with me or you're on the wrong side now there's freedom in disagreeing and not being offended can you talk to someone and have a different point of view but if you're very insecure and fearful they cannot receive correction because correction to them is is rejection and correction is in the Word of God we have to constantly fun to be correct says none of us like it but there's something if we're not allowing ourself to be corrected the Bible says we're fools so we don't want to be foolish we want to constantly open ourself up to correction because correction brings direction so people that have these kind of attack if you don't agree with them they're going to give you their very strongly opinionated now I've had to step back because after you married two kids boy and the first one you kind of messed up you think well I'll help them in their wedding or I'll help them this they don't want your help sometimes and sometimes they don't want your opinion so you have to cut back and so I have to wait for them to ask me into the situation because they resent people butting in you think you're you know you're still 17 18 night you know they always ask and I always give my pick now they're older and you have to release them and let them go well they're gonna make a mistake I know but you know what you have to let them make the mistake and I don't know about you but I've done this they make a mistake then I go clean up the mistake then they don't feel it so they make mistake again and they expect you to come and bail them out again you have to say you have to feel this one you're gonna have to pay that back I'm not going to do it for you this time because otherwise you're gonna cause them to be emotionally dependent on you and they won't grow up it's hard to see your kids fall it's hard to see them make bad decisions but we have to we raised them to listen to the Lord for themselves or to learn their own way so we can't just go in and rescue them it's always like going more in somebody else's yard you mow yours than you mow there's well pretty soon they're gonna expect you to mow their yard so if you're always doing stuff for your kids you're not supposed to you know we don't want them to go through what we did well what you went through is what caused you to be who you are oh I don't want my kids were overly protective and that's called control I wasn't planning on getting in it must be some of this here so let your kids make their own mistakes and then when they want otherwise we become dominating we our opinions and they don't want your opinion they don't want your opinion when they want your opinion you have to learn to let them come and invite you in that's a hard lesson when you've been their parent all their life and all of a sudden they're in another stage of life they're not in that old stage now and now you have to believe that what you've instilled in them they're gonna learn from we need support and attachment we need it I don't care if you don't think you do you need support and attachment we all have love tanks they get filled differently the five different love language is not going to go into that but if you don't know how to get your needs met in the Lord you're gonna go in the world and get them you're gonna go find a substance to fill you you're gonna go find something because there's all these things that are red you know raging inside you and you want it to stop it so you just want to get numb I'm in pain and I don't want to feel this anymore well if you're a substance abuser all the people around you are suffering and then you wonder why you're always alone some of these people always end up lonely because for all the years you didn't you didn't want a relationship you had a relationship with something from the outside to make you feel good inside and now all your relationships have suffered does that make sense so then we become abandoners if we don't break this cycle you become the very thing you hate as much as you hate it because you're doing the same thing you're going to become an abandon so we need proper support and attachment Psalms 34 18 the Lord is close to the brokenhearted the bursted heart so what is a broken heart it's a burst it hurt it's lost the ability to trust I can't trust I just can't trust I've been in such a world of unsafety and turmoil and chaos I just can't trust and it's hard when you can't trust your parents because now the next phase it's like how can I trust another person when you know you've got to get healed of this because otherwise you're always looking from something from the outside to make you feel better on the inside the Word of Faith Movement did this terribly if you had the better car you had a better house she had all this nice stuff then that made you important and it made you somebody and now I feel like I have all this stuff and it makes me feel good about me well what happens now in in what's coming in the future how are you gonna handle feeling when some of the stuff is taken away or the economy crashes or this one that happens we got to get our security in the Lord I don't know if you saw Fenton this last week I talked to text Joyce and her office was fine she had it on a hill but the whole area you couldn't get in or out none of her staff could get in and out of work everything was flooded people's houses are flooded people are going to be devastated I mean I wouldn't you'd be devastated I mean you can't even prepare for things like this the only thing we can prepare for now is our heart with God to make sure that we attach to him properly that we you know get healed of some of this just this this just not being able to have intimacy not being able to pray some people don't ever pray they don't ever read their Bible they hate coming to church they just do it to get their husband off their back or whatever these end times we need God we need to have a proper relationship it's one last scripture in Luke 13 I was struggling with this person in this relationship that's like Lord what's the matter with this person why can't they connect some people don't even communicate and even in the world of texting their to unattach they can't even text you they you know you know I'm saying just basic 101 communication skills it's like they don't have the tools to communicate Luke 13 and verse 10 it's talking about Jesus here he was teaching in the synagogue of the Sabbath and behold there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity 18 years and was bowed together and could in no wise lift up herself now this is the same thing people are in trouble they're hurting they're feeling ashamed they're feeling condemned you don't need to go and condemn people when they're in sin because sin is got its own consequences the devil will kill you you know so it starts off it's so fun sin is so fun and then after a while the season where you reap the results is like this is no fun this is no fun but here he saw her he called her to him and said unto her woman Thou Art Loosed from thy infirmities he saw her and he sees you today he sees you he sees the real you not who you pretend to be not who she pretended to be with he saw her with her scars her wounds and that's the cool thing about God is he loves you mess dysfunction all this weirdness and all because he knows why you react the way you do but now he wants to come and say okay you can't help what happened to you but be loosed start seeing there's a different way to react you don't always have to react in anger you don't always have to act in judgment you don't always have to act in this one you know it's like you're always just pulling out the same weapon every time you know there's other tools or you could say always pulling out one golf club just one golf club is gonna do it know you got to have different clubs I'm not a golfer okay and tell you much about it but I do know I've golf or watched some people golf I gotta use this one for that hole and this one this one this one this one well your emotions are the same way don't always use that same emotion especially with your kids if they come it's always know I've known no parents no no no good kids but they had a bad parent no they always use that same old golf club and it was the wrong time to use it that makes sense develop different you know start to learn to listen stop judge and learn to listen just whatever God shows you use a new club tell your neighbor new use a new club so he saw her he called her and I want you to know God's calling you no matter what you've been through if he's put a call in your life he's not gonna change his mind you can run run run run run run run oh you want and then he's given us a book of a whole bunch of dysfunctional misfits to make us feel right at home have you noticed he doesn't see this is the perfect one all the kings are weird they get a little power and they just go nuts in the Old Testament I mean it's the if you ever feel discouraged just go read about Rachel and Leah I wanted to talk about Leah today but we weren't gonna get there Leah was rejected her dad rejected her gave her to Jacob and he didn't get her yet he wanted Rachel he and so here's he slips her in at night and he wakes up oh my god what are you doing here how would you feel it's like oh you got to work seven more years for Rachel poor Leah she got betrayed by her dad and she was unloved by her husband she had to learn that she couldn't get her love from either one of those sources and some of us I'm just gonna close some of us have to know some of the people that have some of these issues you're not going to get the kind of love that you need from them you're never gonna get it and you have to be okay with that so you know what I have to quit trying to fix it some people you can fix and some people after you've tried and tried you have to just say you know what god they're in your hands and I'm only gonna do what you tell me to do I'm gonna quit trying to do too much to try to fix and that's what we do moms I know we do too much sometimes and this is the problem if you're more in love with your kids and your husband you have a dysfunctional problem those kids are gonna leave and you're stuck with him or her so you got to keep working keep working it's not easy but it's worth it it's like Oh hallelujah and sometimes the reason why mother's love their kids more is the husbands are too busy they don't care they're unattached they just want to work that's an imbalance too you got to learn that you have emotions that need to be released you can't just say I'm just gonna most almost every man that I know of that's ever been through a divorce all they ever do is work why because then they don't have to feel it and that's I mean that's okay for a season that's okay when but you can't live like that you can't live emotionally unavailable because you're the kind of person that the person's gonna say I know I don't believe in having an adult or you're having an affair but I people will do desperate things to get their needs met nobody wants to teach on this side they're always just that's in they did that well why did they do that Jesus would see these women doing stuff and he would say I see you but I'm so calling you know rise up stand up he'd let him know why they were in the situation they were in and some of us are in situations oh we got a prayer cop anybody ever prayed for a crop failure lord I just pray for a crop failure all these words that I've sown all this and that I've done and thank you for the blood of Jesus for cleansing me hallelujah well let's pray father we thank you that your ministry you said you're close to the brokenhearted you know the pain just like this woman she was humped over she was ashamed she had a spirit of infirmity she was tired of being sick she was tired of being hurt wounded rejected you know every one of us in this place what we've been through but you said I'll never leave you I'll never forsake you I love you right where you are so father God we asked you to locate each and every one of us today so we can spot what we need to do with you not to make ourselves better we can't do that but we ask the Holy Spirit to help us change we invite you Holy Spirit into our life give us more tools help us with more clubs so we can be better at relationships than we are father I pray for you to heal marriages I pray for you to heal relationships it takes two people to work on a relationship one just can't do it and if one's doing all the work eventually they get tired and they quit too so father we just pray for Supernatural resurrection of desires to communicate and to talk and just share once again have that intimacy not only with you but with each other in Jesus name everyone say hallelujah so Jesus came for us he came for us because we need him and that's the cool thing about it is we're totally dependent on him anyone to come

Channel: Roberta Morrison

Views: 14,713

Rating: 4.8403754 out of 5

Keywords: Roberta Morrison, emotional healing, Bible teaching

Id: 1yf_AVz83rE

Length: 51min 34sec (3094 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 03 2016