Hasan Minhaj at 2016 RTCA Dinner (C-SPAN)

the c-span networks bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation's capital and are a public service of your television provider c-span created by cable ladies and gentlemen Hasan Minhaj thank you everyone Wow thank you one more time for mr. John Kasich everybody give it up for him right Wow I mean John we have so much in common you know we're both from small towns people can't pronounce our names and neither of us will ever become president it is amazing no no you ask you guys it's fine it's - why it's great because John you are a rational sane even-keel well-thought-out seasoned politician in you thought you could be the GOP nominee you crazy John you're crazy man crazy for this one Jay ladies and gentlemen my name is Hasan Minhaj it is such an honor to be speaking at the Correspondents Dinner that nobody cares about Wow I mean tonight is definitive proof that we all definitely haven't made it last year speaker was awesome on V uh so thank you so much our TCA for going back to back with your Browns you guys are killing it I love it next year's event Malala Syrian refugees hosting it I like that yeah Malala tonight's event is brought to you by c-span c-span yes yes to the eight people not watching c-span is now in HD which is great so now you can see all that legislation not getting passed in 1080p all the wrinkles and inefficiency just oh so crisp ladies and gentlemen we are sitting here at the eve of the 2016 presidential election where we the American people get to vote for who we hate the least and right now statistically it looks like Hillary Clinton should win that's about right that is about right that is the right response Hillary Clinton generally gets Hillary Clinton is like the broccoli of presidential choices you know what I mean where the Clinton camp is like trust us she's good for you all right like Hillary Clinton is like the Toyota Camry of presidential options like if you run the prices right and they presented you with a Hillary it get the same response as a Camry just done undone something out yah oh no I already had one in the 90s Bernie Sanders shook things up this year right Bernie great Wall Street in the building that's cool um I like Bernie though Bernie was Bernie was like America's cool substitute teacher right like he came in he's like everybody's getting pizza we were all like hell yes I've been waiting for pizza and then Hillary's like the regular teacher and she's like hey who's paying for the pizza we're like shut up mrs. C the cool sub since we got pizza and she said what no no I'm cool I whip I named Nate we're like stopping mrs. C stop pandering and then Donald Trump is like Mexico's paying for the pizza and then dumb people are like oh yeah other country pay for my pizza that makes sense what no this is great cuz like the Republican Party is here what like how is how how is 86% of the GOP like yes racist Cheeto finally like I have yet I live in I live in a liberal bubble so I have yet to meet a trump supporter I mean I did meet Paul Ryan three weeks ago but you know people change and usually I'll see people in the street I go this guy looks kind of Trumpy and I go hey man who you voting for and they'll go whoa hey whoa hey I don't like to talk about politics and that dudes voting for Trump that dude is definitely voting for Donald Trump I don't like to talk about politics is the new I'm not racist but like everybody's been asking the question how did he get so far how did he do it and really the answer has been underneath our noses entire time if you seemed the hit film Back to the Future to the character Biff is based on Donald Trump this is real 1989 Robert Zemeckis wrote the character Biff based on Donald Trump watched the movie orange skin Casino he's trying to kill Michael J Fox this is real and if that is true we're in the wrong alternate timeline right now you guys and everybody's asking you where his credentials no where is the sports Almanac no wonder this guy has gotten so far he already knows who's gonna win two NBA Finals sorry it won't be the Cavs I'm sorry mr. Kasich Donald Trump is an amazing professional wrestler that's not a joke no he was inducted into the 2013 WWE Hall of Fame this is not a joke he clothes on Vince McMahon he shaved his head on stage and I gotta say he was an incredible wrestler and I used to make fun of my cousin Sahil because he still thinks wrestling is real and in 2016 we live in a world where Jesse Ventura became governor of Minnesota Hulk Hogan took down Gawker in Donald Trump could become President of the United States of America and I'm just here to say Sahil you were right wrestling is real politics is fake I just I just got to come to grips with the fact that I'm sorry that I'm coming off as nervous it's because brown people we're gonna get deported so really this is just my farewell tour I'm saying goodbye to America I got to do all my American stuff now like I gotta go to Costco for the last time I got to get knocked out at a trump rally I got to do everything that makes this country great there is a sliver of hope there is a sliver Barack Obama just recently endorsed Hillary Clinton and I gotta say the media you guys have had this double standard with Hillary just because she's a woman you guys always go after all she's too shrill she's too serious she dresses like she works at PF Changs and that's not fair because you know you wouldn't do that to Bernie if Hillary dressed like Bernie everyone would be like hey why is the pigeon lady from home alone - running for president what is going on and the reality the situation is is Hillary is the dude in the relationship and we don't know how to feel about it we're all in bed with Hillary late at night and we're looking at her cell phone like hey hey who's Wall Street she's like don't worry about it babe it's just a friend from work it's actually it's actually insulting to say that Hillary Clinton is dude her accomplishments are bigger than gender bigger than gender look at what she's done in her life in 1974 did you know this in 1917 or 74 she was on the inquiry staff to impeach President Nixon she was doing that in her 20s I was listening to ja Rule in my 20s she was impeaching presidents in her 20s she wrote the Magna Carta in 1215 she invented the telephone with Alexander Graham Bell this is all real information it's on a server that you can never see it is all real so of course she is gonna run for president and if anything she is going to become president alpha just sheer desire alone she wants it more than any presidential candidate in history Hillary Clinton wants to be President so bad she's willing to sit in the same office not a different office not a replica scandal office the scene of the crime now look we've all been cheated on clap have you been cheated on clapping we've been cheated on those you guys not clapping you've been cheated on I was cheated on my senior year of high school Janice Marlo I hope you're watching this she cheated on me she worked at Cinnabon at the mall and to this day I cannot walk through food court without balling I'll just break down and cry and Hillary Clinton is like I want to manage Cinnabon corporate so what do you do when you get cheated on I cry and listen to Coldplay Hillary Clinton runs for president of the United States of America Wow indeed so say what you will about Claire underwood but she has her eyes on the Iron Throne and she is saying come to mama and at this point she is waiting for someone to tie a bunch of balloons to the back of Bernie's chair so he just floats away that's what she's waiting for but enough talking about presidents we're here to talk about Congress it's so mean to me to talk about a job that you guys will never have I mean oh oh every member of Congress wants to be President let's be real there's a senator named Sheldon Whitehouse that is the most ambitious name for a title you will never have that's like my name being Hassan head of Homeland Security it's just not happening no let's just be real everybody here in the media they're hard on Congress they're hard on you guys they say you're a do-nothing Congress but you guys do a lot you guys do don't let anybody tell you otherwise you guys go to fundraisers you guys host fundraisers you have your staff set up fundraisers for you to host that's three things right there and that doesn't even include all the time you spent trying to repeal Obamacare or not passing gun control that's five things you guys do yeah yeah and a lot of people at home don't know this but your average member of Congress has to raise 18 thousand dollars a day just for their party and it's incredible for as much time as Congress spends denying poor people money you guys sure as hell spend a whole lot of time begging for it don't worry these jokes are for your donors at home it's fine you know when I was in the third grade my teacher Miss Anderson gave us this assignment she said write a letter to your local member of Congress asking what you'd like to change and like a dummy I wrote that letter but what she meant was is you're supposed to write that letter in the memo section of a sign check silly rabbit letters are for Santa checks her for Congress of course I may be things just won't change because Congress's approval rating is 12% 12% that's not even one star on Yelp there are restaurants with rat infestations that are rated better than Congress that means 12 percent that means 88 percent of people hate your guts like if you're in a mall and 10 people walk past you eight of them would hate your guts and the ninth dude hates you most of the time 12 percent like if you were a cell phone you would just be unusable maybe things won't change because you guys are just old like your average member in Senate is 62 years old my dad is 62 like you can't pass legislation when you can barely pass a bowel movement you can come gamma Mays Capitol Hill still has steps it should just be reset bits point now ultimately we're here to talk about the media which covers the do-nothing Congress and here as a fake journalist I just want to give a shout out to other fake journalist CNN is here tonight no CNN's cool but what exactly do you guys do like every time our turn I turn on CNN every time I turn on CNN Wolf Blitzer is talking to a hologram Don Lemon is hosting a panel on whether or not we should use the n-word and then Anthony Bourdain is eating couscous what do you guys do you guys are basically Bravo with plane crashes I don't know what you do CNN doesn't like subtlety though have you seen the headlines just 100 point font all caps you guys write your headlines the way my dad writes his emails plane crash many injured huh son come home what the vice news isn't here tonight I like vice news though vice news is cool because they'll just send your local barista to go talk to the head of Isis it's incredible you'll be like why is Chad sitting down with Abu Bakr al-baghdadi MSNBC is here tonight and this NBC is cool but you guys are like everybody's annoying vegan friend it's like we get it you're right I just want to hear it right now you guys are always like I'm telling you it'll make sense in 10 years it's like not now Rachel I'm trying to enjoy myself I actually like MSNBC they do the actual news I just don't want you guys to end up like Al Jazeera America too soon no no when the ratings for Al Jazeera America came out c-span was high-fiving they're like yes three more viewers I was interviewed once on al Jazeera America and I actually had to hold the boom mic while they interviewed me now people ask all the time did the media create Trump and yes you guys did Donald Trump phones in his interviews to meet the press and I don't mean like he doesn't try during his interviews he literally calls in the way you and I order pizza is like yeah large pepperoni no olives don't send the Mexican that's the way he his interviews the New York Times The Washington Post they don't call him a racist they say his comments are racially tinged no I'm racially tinged that dude is racist straight up the Huffington Post you guys know the Huffington Post you know the place where your uber driver can write an article The Huffington Post has a disclaimer on their website calling him a racist BuzzFeed refuses to take money from the GOP or Donald Trump you know BuzzFeed the place that tells you which Disney princess you are they have more journalistic integrity than the New York Times and for the record I'm a Jasmine you guys are all Cruella De Vil ultimately at the end of the day I just hope that love overcomes fear don't you guys like I just hope that's what ends up winning and Fox News has taught me that Fox News is incredible because I've never seen so many people spray tans hate people of color you guys are incredible Fox News and you guys are in New York where I'm based out of the enemy walks amongst us and we're only five blocks away from each other Daily Show Fox News and every morning I have to watch you guys it's the same thing chill um bomb um stab um you would say you let's say you would say and I have to walk past you guys during lunch and I'll see all these Fox News employees leave their building cross the street walk past me and then line up for a halal chicken and rice and I'm like aha racist Randy just wants that red sauce I love it I love that your brain can be racist your body will just betray you I love that I love that all morning they're just uh-huh Mexicans whole lives matter Arabs 1201 shawarma time I love that so much I am I on I don't even know how to pivot here to be honest guys you know I'm what we saw in Orlando was one of the ugliest cocktails of the problems that we still see here in America a cocktail of homophobia xenophobia lack of access to mental health care and sheer lack of political will and all of us a Duras we've all been yelling out crying out for change but the sad reality is that we are all complicit in what happened every day and our workplaces and our homes and our religious institutions there is covert or overt discrimination or phobia towards people of different religious racial or sexual walks of life and we just sit there we let it happen because it doesn't affect our bottom line I didn't say it Hassan I don't think it's that way they said it okay it's not that simple Hassan and we just go on with our lives because it didn't affect our status quo and the sad reality is stuff like this is going to continue to happen unless we recognize that civil liberties are an all-or-nothing game a rising tide lifts all boats it's not pick or choose so whether you like it or not we all have to step up and fight for each other otherwise the whole thing is a sham and until we do that hijabis are going to get harassed in the streets members from the trans community are going to be demonized for using the bathroom and my brothers and sisters in the african-american community their spines are going to continue to get shattered in the back of paddy wagons until we stand up and say something and the thing that hurts me the most is I wish I would have done more to my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community in every marginalized community I'm sorry I didn't do more and the same goes for Congress you know we look to you guys as our leaders you make almost $200,000 a year to write rules to make our society better not tweet not tell us about your thoughts and prayers to write rules to make our society better and ultimately it comes down to money and influence and right now since 1998 the NRA has given 3.7 million dollars to Congress there are 294 sitting members of Congress that have sceptic contributions from the NRA and that doesn't even include the millions of dollars from outside lobbying so before I get up here in my liberal bubble and I asked for gun control and universal background checks and banning assault rifles we got to be able to have the conversation in right now specifically Congress has blocked legislation for the CDC to study gun related violence we can't even talk about the issue with real statistics and facts so I don't know if this is like a Kickstarter thing but if 3.7 million dollars can buy political influence to take lives if we raise four million dollars would you guys take that to save lives I don't know ultimately I just got to ask you this look when I got into comedy when you guys got into media and when you guys got into politics we wanted to do the best work we could pass we do and is this what you want your legacy to be that you were could have done something Congress but you didn't because of outside lobbying that you were complicit in the deaths of thousands of Americans and look I know being a member of Congress is hard you got to placate your base you got to look out for reelection you got to answer to lobbyists but please persevere because our thoughts and prayers are with you good night

Channel: C-SPAN

Views: 1,542,439

Keywords: Hasan Minhaj, RTCA, Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinne, Congress, Kasich, White House, The Daily Show

Id: NUymQKZqP6w

Length: 22min 52sec (1372 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 16 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/EtriganZ]

Hasan Minhaj is probably my favorite Daily Show correspondent. I used to watch his videos he'd do with his friends in college way back in 2006, and never would have guessed he'd make it this far.

Check out Ali Minhaj and Ali Minhaj 2 on YouTube.

[u/aly5321]

I loved the ending. Not a lot of people could go in front of congressmen and openly call out their corruptness.

[u/[deleted]]

Absolutely savage

[u/Tipoe]

Wow my respect levels for this man have grown greatly. Pretty on point comedy routine, making congress members feel uncomfortable. Then that last 5 minutes was incredible and ballsy.

[u/kaizodaku]

The look on their faces, it was hilarious.

[u/BigSnicker]

This. is. genius. Talk about telling truth to power... I had high expectations, knowing this guy, but he blew it out of the park!

Can someone tell me why this isn't everywhere? Reddit should be all over this stuff!