Hasan Minhaj 2015 DHS Commencement Speech

I graduated from Davis High little over ten years ago and my senior year of high school my biggest dream was to play on the varsity basketball team like that was my dream I just I loved it I loved the sweatshirts I love the shooting shirts the shoes the tearaway pants I wanted to be a part of it so bad even if I sat the bench I just want to tear away pants I could never tear away I wanted it so bad and in my senior year I definitely thought it could happen I hadn't seen myself in the mirror i was 5-9 115 pounds of just raw indian muscle ladies just raw it's exactly the same Oh holiday cinema this is like is likely theater the class president is texting you it's like this is just bizarre this is supposed to sahar like I would have never been the guy talking to like the class president or whatever that's like my memory of it was like yeah like you'd get punked sir you'd get made fun of and that's just something you kind of dealt with in that just happened you know I mean the thing I remember my favorite basketball player growing up was this guy named Penny Hardaway he had the speed he had the flash he had the hops and he had the dopest shoes he had the Nike Air pennies and I was like those shoes are gonna make me make the team I said I wanted my mom I'm like mom can I get the pennies and she's like do they sell them at Ross and I'm like no she's like well we have a dress for less budget so if they don't sell them at Ross that's on you and I ended up getting a job at the office max in South Davis and the hardest part is you have to sell printers to people that don't know any better so people would come in and they'd be like I'm looking for a printer I'm like that's great well the UM Epson 3640 is available right now for $129.99 they're like that's very affordable how much are ink cartridges and I'm like yeah they're about eight thousand nine hundred seventy two dollars for the rest of the year so I sold printers for a bit and I eventually saved up the money to get the pennies and I remember I took them home I opened them up I pulled him out and you can just like smell the leather and you're walking around and I'm like you like you're constipated but you don't to crease the shoes she was like walking like this I was like I'm gonna make the team in these shoes is where dreams go to die why was I not brown into because we're not athletic I I don't know a lot of super athletic Indian kids eyes okay it's not upsetting but I appreciate your sense it makes me feel very good first day of tryouts were all around my senior year and as soon as I get to the court I'm like these are way too fresh to wear to try out so I run back to my locker and I put my pennies away and I put on my old shoes and I started my first day of tryouts and mr. G the head basketball coach he had this drill it was called fight through the pic and basically he would take the biggest dude and you would have to just fight through him you'd have to just get around him and there was this kid named Tommy Wilson that's not as a name I'm not petty but his name is Tommy Wilson and he was huge like he had like traps like this is like muscles connected to his ears to like here and he blow the whistle and I would just run my Indian arms would be flailing and he's like what are you doing Hasan right through the pick fight through the pic like you're trying to get into UC Berkeley I'm like I get that analogy and I ran as hard as I could and I hit Tommy boom like a force field I bounced right off of him and I hit the deck hard right but I gave it my all I gave it my all and I remember at the end of tryouts that first day I was drenched and sweat like I look like an immigrant family at water world just soaked top to bottom just like effort I did it now we're all waiting in the parking lot were waiting for our parents to pick us up all the dudes are like huddled around and then all of a sudden Tommy Wilson sees me and I'm wearing the pennies and he goes hey dude where'd you get those pennies I was like oh Tommy Wilson's talking to me and I was like oh I um I got him from Nike outlet throwing sale right now Tommy and he's like nah you got him from the urinal dawg see during tryouts he went into the locker room and he pulled out my pennies and put him in the urinal he peed in him and put him back in and I looked down at my shoes and I realized they weren't sopping wet from sweat they were sopping wet from Tommy's pee and then my dad's 91 Nissan stanza pulled up to the front of the group and I sloshed my way over and the car and we just drove home in silence like we usually did but this time was because I had pee in my shoes we get home the garage door opens up dad goes into the house I pull off my pennies and I put them in the dumpster and I never wore air pennies ever again and then it was the infamous day where they post the results of tryouts and I made sure I got up early I woke up at like 7:00 7:15 I got to class because he was gonna post the results and I wanted to be alone that way if anything happened no one could see me and around 7:20 the blinds just sort of shift to the side and then those hands go up and they posted the results and my name wasn't on the list now I walked home and I ran upstairs and I closed the door it kind of set in at that moment that the dream was over and nobody plays 1 2 3 I had seven eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seven there's seventeen players know we had like thirteen when I tried out I definitely would have made this squad this is slack they have like five extra players that day taught me something getting cut from the basketball team was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life because I learned that you can't fall off the floor and even when you do fall on the floor it's not even that bad the bell rings life moves on I went to Chipotle the next day for lunch like that was it they're like you want guac on your burrito I'm like I deserve some guac yes I'm gonna have some guac a dollar ninety five I got that Glock money right now the following year I went to college and I thought to myself I don't want to do something where I slowly lose my dignity night in and night out just like basketball so I decided to do stand-up comedy and I did it every night and I got my shoes PETA and proverbially night in and night out I was not very good but I stuck with it and October 9th 2014 my life changed forever I was the last correspondent hired by Jon Stewart to be on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart I had been doing stand-up for ten years one month and nine days I wasn't the funniest I was not the brightest I was not the tallest I'm not the best-looking all those things I'm not but I never stopped fighting through the pic I do this for you guys I do this for the 99% for those of you guys that are going to Stanford and Harvard you know enjoy Investment Banking enjoy you know ruining the economy you're gonna have a good life private jets are great shout out to your health insurance you're gonna have a great life for the rest of us I do this for you guys I really do because your parents teachers and counselors are gonna tell you that it gets better and I'm here to tell you it always doesn't it doesn't the world does not care about your dreams they do not care one bit but I will say this you've got to keep trying it's worth it and if you give yourself an opportunity to try and survive failure you'll eventually find what you were meant to do and I'm telling you this right now for my own personal experience never stop fighting through the pic if you can't get in through the front door going through the side if you can't get in through the side going through the back yard if you can't go through the back yard going through the window no matter what never stop wearing your air pennies and never stop fighting through the pick I promise you I promise you you'll eventually find where you're supposed to be now I know there's a lot of parents looking at me right now like this dude is crazy he's 29 years old why is he pontificating about life I a hundred percent agree with you here's what I do definitively know I do know that the epson 3640 is available right now for 120 $9.99 at Office Max my name is Osama Nagy thank you guys so much good night

Channel: Hasan Minhaj

Views: 619,106

Keywords: Davis Senior High School (School), Hasan Minhaj, Commencement Speech, The Daily Show, Class of 2015

Id: qQe6JGePTuw

Length: 10min 22sec (622 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 24 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/anotherent]

So articulate. Anyone else first hear about him on serial?