guy in vr talks about their ptsd

marlboro reds i heard are like really rough cigarettes too oh dude they're they're called cowboy killers oh man awful awful stuff why those cigarettes because i thought the name cowboy killer was really cool and i was really in high school i was really big into metal job for a cowboy pantera all that stuff and so i just thought there was something metal about smoking like the harshest cigarette yeah they should probably consider warning people about these cigarettes yeah but i smoked literally up until the moment i couldn't go into basic training just join the military that'll cure you what is ptsd so post-traumatic stress disorder is just it's like an after shock of whatever traumatic event you've gone through it's just the brain or amphibian brains wired to like hyper focus on something that was traumatizing so that we can use threat avoidance to that later i don't know if we want to call it bad wiring or like a chemical change in the brain there's a lot that comes with it trouble sleeping irritability mood changes uh all that kind of stuff my entire character and the way i interacted with other people and just my general outlook significantly changed i was just very antagonistic kind of like i was a wounded animal like lashing out like a general increased heart rate feeling like this weird it's just uh you feel hemmed in just like trapped i was hanging out my dad's house like way after i got out and sitting there drinking with them and just talking about stories and stuff and then like i remembered it all and like being under the influence really like makes it easier to like be prone to those kind of thoughts again and uh take you back to that dark place he knows that i'm diagnosed by the va and i kind of told him like hey man if you ever went through anything in the military you should get that diagnosed was he the first person you opened up to about it first person i opened up to was way farther from my chain of people that i knew the first person i opened up to was like a stranger on the internet they didn't know my name and i don't even remember remember them i was just like hey man this is all the stuff i'm going through and they're like damn that sucks i'm like yeah i feel better thanks so yeah i just unloaded on someone somewhere on the internet granted like we were friends and we played video games together but i kept it pretty far from my circle at first because i didn't want them looking at me differently what if my loved ones turn from me because that's a story that they just can't handle having that person around them anymore my mom's a worrier she was in the military for 20 years but she's she's definitely a warrior and i thought that like if i came out with it she'd become you know even more overbearingly like protective of me and stuff and like coddled me like a child and it's like i'm a war veteran i don't want to be you know handled like this fragile cute thing who is the first person in your inner circle that you told my cousin well i don't probably don't want his name in there but my cousin you come home they give you like 14 days as kind of like a break and he lived within eight hours of me so i could go visit him i told him the whole humming river valley story he was real sympathetic and stuff uh at first i love him to death like me and him are really close now but i did say something that made him mad he threw uh the helmet river valley story back in my face and he's like well you [ __ ] you killed women and children like he did the argument attack on me for whatever messed up joke i said that was my that was one of my worst fears is somebody else weaponizing my my worst trauma against me and so yeah i was really hurt my feelings on it are still pretty much the same like there's still guilt and shame about like that mission i don't think that'll ever go away that's just something like the rest of my life will be a somewhat big thing about who i am as a person when that was thrown back in my face at that time i was still really kind of on fragile ground so when he threw that back in my face it set me back a while i didn't talk to someone about the helmet river valley story for like three years after that and i think the next person i told was uh another person that was out of my circle and then like the first person i told in my circle was my buddy my best friend and even then i i i neutered the story quite a bit i had a sib cass incident in in afghanistan and i pretty much just left it at that rather than spill it all i'm sure we were drinking one night and he just it just came up what had happened with uh my cousin just made me not trust other people with the story i did actually have a sit down chat with a therapist from the va and kind of told him everything i told him the same stuff i told you like how i do meditation and i write and stuff but he's like you should always try to like get into these support groups and i was like yeah i'm gonna pass for now i might do it eventually in the future but uh it still wasn't wholly into the idea that uh that i really want to fully embrace the fact that i have ptsd like okay cool i have this diagnosis and all this stuff but uh still trying to do it all on my own did you ever end up going to a support group no no i didn't somebody else would tell a story and it would it would tell me a story and it would make me feel bad about like i haven't gone through like half of what this dude what this dude did and i didn't really want to feel inferior to like their ptsd i feel like there was always a worry in my mind that it would be like a like a judgment thing and uh it's probably not it's just that was my own hang up on it why i didn't do it it's got uh like it's good days where like i feel like a perfectly normal person with no issues then there's then there's like once in a blue moon where it's just like the entire day has just been sunk by like me remembering it and just being back in that that initial place not meditation not the writing none of it helps and i just have to weather the storm and just hope that the next day will be better that'll just wake up and i'll feel better uh i mean there are specific days like like anniversaries of stuff that i remember uh typically is like a wash of a day for me just like i've had combat shoots on christmas before i had two combat shoots on christmas it's really hard to get into the uh the gift giving season because i remember oh man i had killed people on christmas that's not merry this is my alternate angle camera is the only thing i could find that was the right height so uh just ignore the creepy clown staring at you you could you can make it something friendlier than a clown where do you feel like you are with your ptsd now i've generally accepted it now it's overbearing at first unbelievably overbearing at first soul crushing but the longer it goes uh the more it becomes your your new normal and it's not as devastating as it as it was in the beginning if you could tell everyone in the world one thing what would it be um oh man i should have thought about this before going into it if you are going with through like ptsd or you're in a particularly hard place people are a lot more compassionate than you give them credit for and if you turn to them for support you will find people that will will help you out i think i was good i was i was on a roll until i got to that part we'll fix it in post and cut

Channel: Syrmor

Views: 1,040,157

Rating: 4.9880624 out of 5

Keywords: vr, syrmor, vrchat, virtual reality, vrchat stories, people in vrchat, guy in vrchat, girl in vrchat, anime, avatar, vr funny moments

Id: 4CkFuLAoRdI

Length: 7min 33sec (453 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 31 2020

Reddit Comments

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Part 1 was posted 4 days ago:

• Guy in VR talks about their worst day as an Air Force Veteran.

I wholly recommend checking out more of Syrmor's talks in VR on his YouTube channel. There's an incredible amount of relatable stories, and it truly helps to listen to others share their experiences.