ex-navy talks about cutting out toxic family

the kid ted that i was playing half-life with while i was in the navy during my second deployment he was the passenger of somebody who was driving drunk and this kid skid off the skid off the road and hit a telephone pole my friend ted died the driver lived so the driver essentially killed my friend um and nobody told me about it while i was on deployment because they didn't want me to be upset it was the first of my friends to pass away and then when i came back one of my other friends his name was luke he ended up in rehab he was on heroin my other friend john ended up as like an alcoholic like all these people just i don't know what it was man all these people just ended up like hooked on heroin or you know alcohol and that was it a lot of people from my high school ended up addicted to heroin between 2005 and 2015 there was like a really big heroin epidemic i'm from like long island new york and that's where i moved after queens and on long island there was like a huge heroin epidemic between 2005 2015. it started with like the doctors over prescribing oxycodone and percocets and vicodin and stuff to uh to their patients and then everyone started getting addicted to those and those pills are opiates you know when people ran out of money or couldn't afford the pills anymore then they turned to heroin because heroin is cheaper it's made from opiates also and it's just as addictive a lot of people turned into heroin addicts and uh my friend dave he kept injecting himself in the same arm over and over and over again and he had this gash on his arm that literally looked like a vagina that's how many times he kept injecting the same spot over and over again he had this like disgusting wound two years after having that kind of gas he just he just died he died i joined the navy in 2006 and i was gone until 2010 and when i came back to new york and i was living on long island again it must have been like 2012. and that's when i started hearing about a lot of different people getting into heroin and all this other stuff a lot of people i knew were like overdosing and i i don't know they were just you know just it just sucks i i don't know it was a really shitty situation all around for uh all these people it's really crazy to think about it like my parents moved me out of queens because the neighborhood was getting bad and what happened was we went from like weed to heroin and so all the people that i knew in queens ended up doing fine in life and all the people in long island and these like nice suburbs and [ __ ] ended up as like heroin addicts it's a really weird dichotomy to you know to think about and they were like given everything in life like these are you know spoiled rotten suburban [ __ ] kids that were just given everything and they all ended up on heroin and just tossing their lives away the thing is like in high school i was only smoking weed because that's what i knew from queens and what happened was my friend started doing opium and they started doing heroin in high school and at the time world of warcraft like came out like a couple years ago so like world of warcraft became my drug like i honestly stopped hanging out with a lot of my high school friends because they were getting really deep into like certain drugs that i knew were bad like i knew heroin and i knew popping pills and [ __ ] were like really bad so because they moved on from like weed to like harder drugs like heroin and stuff i like just stopped talking a lot of them at the time we were experimenting with uh experimenting with uh salvia lsa like those are two things and then my friend was like asking me to smoke he was asking me to do opium with him i knew what pills and heroin were but like at the time i didn't know they were all derived from like opiates so i didn't know what opium was and the way he explained it to me he's like yeah last time i did opium it felt like i was doing um karate in slow motion and he made it sound like this really like fun awesome thing meanwhile it's this like insanely addictive [ __ ] drug honestly socialization for me at the time became world of warcraft like world of warcraft honestly helped me avoid like heroin basically because my entire group of friends in high school must have been like 10 people i was very close with all ended up as heroin addicts every single one of them that i knew i think drug dealers from like the city and other parts of the state or even in long island itself they saw that these doctors were prescribing pills to everyone and causing this heroin epidemic if there's a demand for something you just supply it and you'll make money so they just saw a demand for heroin as a cheaper alternative to prescription pills because that's essentially what heroin is it's just a it's just a cheaper alternative to prescription pills and so that's why a lot of people ended up doing heroin because like heroin is like five dollars a bag it's like dirt [ __ ] cheap and like prescription pills are really expensive and hard to come by wait is heroin actually only five dollars what from what i understand it's like five it's like five fifteen dollars like a bag or something it's like it's like really dirt cheap like when you wanna get high it's like nothing because here's the thing and this is why i really spread in the suburbs too right because a lot of these kids they were like star athletes right a lot of these kids they were like some of them were like star athletes they were doing really well in school and what would happen is sometimes they would get injured and they would go to the doctor and the doctor's like oh you broke your leg here's like 20 [ __ ] vicodin or 40 [ __ ] viking and here's a bunch of percocets or oxycontin for your broken leg so these kids would take it as prescribed by their medical professional and by the time they were done with a dose they were completely addicted if you do a medically prescribed dose of oxycontin for about a week you could potentially become addicted to it there's like a high probability you might become addicted to even if you're just doing oxycontin for a week so a lot of these kids they were like they were like star athletes and they would get injured the doctors would prescribe them pills they'd be taking the pills they end up addicted to it and then they have a craving for it or they make up a lie because they're so addicted at that point they make up a lie to get more then they start giving it to their friends at parties or whatever then these other kids become addicted to it this happens to multiple kids in like multiple school districts and then all of a sudden like even the parents too like the parents go to their doctors the doctors prescribe pills like that's really what it came from like heroin epidemic in in the united states happens because of doctors doctors over prescribed [ __ ] opiates and pills to kids and parents who were just told hey trust their doctors the doctors over prescribed these [ __ ] medicines people got addicted to them and then when they ran out of the prescription pills they moved to heroin a lot of people became [ __ ] heroin addicts man like it just destroyed a lot of families i just kind of voted the navy as like a fresh start for myself i had a lot of issues with my parents and stuff and uh basically i got kicked out of my house like by my parents i just wanted a fresh start with everything like between these kids like that i knew as friends you know getting into heroin between my parents kicking me out of the house i was just like [ __ ] everything you know i'm just gonna go in it's gonna be a fresh start for my life this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna leave everything behind that i don't wanna really hear about anything my parents immigrated from italy they had this old school mentality when i graduated high school like hey you're an adult now get out of the house and uh you know be your own person and i was trying to explain to them like hey you know cost of living is not what it was like in the 80s how do you expect me to survive and they're like well you know you could just become a waiter and afford your own apartment and get your own car and all this other stuff i'm like it doesn't work like that anymore i'm not gonna be able to do anything i'm 17 years old i don't even think i could like serve drinks right now i don't know they also had this like idea in their head that i was like failing high school i don't know what it was they they just were like convinced that i was like failing high school and i wasn't i had like a 3.2 average i mean it wasn't amazing but it wasn't it wasn't bad you know it was pretty like average grade but they were like kind of convinced that i was like failing high school and they were just like hey you know you graduated high school now you're an adult i'm like yeah i'm still 17 though i really can't afford to be on my own throughout that summer after i graduated high school they made my life like absolute hell they made it very clear that they did not want me living in their house at all and when i look back at it you know 17 years old like that's that's like a kid in my eyes so it's it's just really weird invite a kid and when they're 17 i'm not kicking them the [ __ ] out of the house i mean it's ridiculous that's why i joined the navy i mean i joined the navy because i wanted to avoid homelessness my parents were like dead set on kicking me out of the house i couldn't afford college i didn't get any assistance from my parents or anything like that i had no way out of anything i had no option to go to school i had no option to live on my own i had no option to live with my parents so what was i gonna do i just felt like my back was against the wall so i joined the military i didn't know anything about loans that's just really [ __ ] up like nobody taught me [ __ ] like nobody taught me about loans like i didn't know i could take out loans to go to school i had no idea about that nobody [ __ ] told me like yeah you could take out loans and go to school and pay for them later when i looked at like the cost of college i was like oh it's like forty thousand dollars a year how the [ __ ] i'm gonna get paid for forty thousand dollars a year i'm making like ten dollars an hour like you know that was my thought process like as a kid like i didn't know what the [ __ ] was going on it just sucks man that's why i can't do mushrooms bro cuz i got so much like deep [ __ ] in my head that i don't want to think about and i feel like the last time i did mushrooms that i punched a hole through a [ __ ] door like i got so mad i had [ __ ] uh it was not it wasn't pretty it wasn't a pretty sight this sound this sounds like this is a really [ __ ] thing to say but i was watching the umbrella academy the other day one of the characters he's talking to like his boyfriend or something and he's telling him not to join the military he's like you know you're only going to join the military so that you could prove that you're a man to yourself and your parents but in the end these wars are just going to kill you and they're going to like break you down or something like that something along those lines and it really got to me because it just reminded me of my situation how like i felt like i joined the military not only just because i was angry at everything but also to prove my parents wrong to prove to my parents that i wasn't a failure like they thought of me it's [ __ ] up like i joined the the military in the height of the iraq war specifically out of financial need and to just prove to my parents that i wasn't a failure it just makes me so upset sometimes i'm thinking about it this is like the reason kind of like why i don't i don't speak to them it's like why the [ __ ] do they let me do this like why were they so sure about kicking me out when i got out of the military i stayed in san diego for about a year as a civilian before i moved back home and i was like going to college i moved back home and it was the first time my dad saw me i had the flu i was laying in bed he came home from work he was just like taking off his tie and he was just like looking at me like this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] is back here that's how he was looking at me he didn't say hi he didn't smile he just looked at me like i was a piece of [ __ ] and i was just like sick in bed i had the flu and stuff like that and he was just like staring me down and he talked to me over like the next week and he's like yeah you know if you're gonna live in our house you have to work and i was like well i went into the military so i could go to college i want to stay here and just finish up school potentially save a little bit of money and then like you know move out on my own or get my own place or whatever it is and he's like no if you're going to stay here you have to work so i took a job i took a job they were paying me like 35 [ __ ] thousand dollars i was like [ __ ] this why am i getting paid 35 000 you're an idiot you just went through three [ __ ] deployments in four years your goal is to go to college so i'm like all right i'm gonna go to school while i was going to school my parents i guess because they never went to college they didn't understand school they felt whenever i was home from my classes i was sitting around doing nothing and i had all this free time time by hand me while i was like working on projects i was working on homework i was studying for tests they would just like assign me like tons and tons of work to do around the house they thought it was just like sitting around and sometimes i tell them like hey i can't do that like it's finals week i gotta study i have projects i got to work on and my parents were just like freaking out telling me i'm a freeloader and i'm a piece of [ __ ] and all this other like random stuff so i decided to just move out of the house again and i'm like you know what [ __ ] this [ __ ] and i decided to just live on my own i went out with one of my uncles i went to like i don't know i just went out with him and me and him were just having some drinks and we're just talking amongst ourselves i was like you know what like [ __ ] it like i just want to get drunk tonight like i don't give a [ __ ] and my uncle says to me he's like you know what it's a good thing your parents encouraged you to join the navy you're doing really good things for yourself now and i was like wait wait my parents wait my parents told told you that they encouraged me to join the military to help me out wait what and he's like yeah yeah and he was drunk and he's like telling me while he's drunk he's like yeah you know your parents told me that uh you're failing at a high school and that they encouraged you to join the military to change your life around i'm like wait no no that's not what happened what happened was i had a [ __ ] 3.2 gpa my grades were fine they were kicking me out of the [ __ ] house and i had no place to live so that's why i joined the navy turns out they told all of my family members that they encouraged me to join the [ __ ] military so i go through all this [ __ ] and meanwhile behind my back they're lying to my family members telling them that i'm a [ __ ] failure that i was failing at a high school they were trying to be charitable and help me out no that's not what happened i [ __ ] joined the military on my own because i had nowhere to live once i found that out man i just stopped talking to my parents they refused to apologize and i'm like you know what if you're not gonna apologize and you don't realize what you did was wrong i have nothing to talk to you about being a kid is like almost like being a dog if an owner beats their dog the dog's still gonna come back at the end of the day i feel like some parents take advantage of that and they treat their kids however the [ __ ] they want and just expect their kids to come back and like my parents whole reasoning when i was like hey can you apologize or at least tell the family members that i wasn't failing high school and all this they were like no um you know i'm your mother you're the son so when i do something i'm your mom i don't need to apologize to you that's basically what it was at the end of the day it's like i'm your mom i'm your dad i don't need to apologize for [ __ ] i fed you until you were 17 years old it's like that's the bare [ __ ] minimum you legally have to do that when you have a kid you [ __ ] psycho congrats like congratulations when i graduated college i had this mindset in my head if i make more money than my parents i could prove to them i'm not a loser i ended up getting a position where i was like making more than my parents i told them about it it didn't make me feel better it was like a 10 year struggle it was like get through the navy get through college jump around to different positions you're in it you're in tech you could jump around in positions and and just keep jumping around until you find a really good salary and within 10 years i went from the navy to college to a really well paying position and i was like you know what now my parents are gonna think i'm like not a failure they're gonna accept me now right and they still didn't if a stranger says some [ __ ] to you you don't give a [ __ ] right they're a stranger who cares but when your own parents my own parents were more [ __ ] up to me than my drill instructors in boot camp i was [ __ ] dealing drugs when i was 13. i was in the military and [ __ ] just growing up in queens and going through the military you encounter like a bunch of rough characters right and through both of those experience still the most [ __ ] up people to date were my parents here's like an example right when i first got the navy i got a job as a systems engineer okay because i was in it in the navy and i was i was running the i-team structure for a ship that had 3 000 [ __ ] people i got a job as a systems engineer right out of the navy i remember i was like telling my mom about it and she's like yeah you're not a systems engineer you're probably just like you know a regular i.t guy or something and i was like i don't know i'm a systems engineer and i showed her my offer letter and i said systems engineer she legitimately slapped it out of my hand she screams at the top of her lungs you're not a systems engineer you [ __ ] didn't graduate college i don't know like [ __ ] like that just pisses me off when i was like really little i don't even know what it was about we were living in this really small apartment in queens and my mom like chased me through the small apartment and like cornered me and literally beat me so hard that she bruised her hand her whole hand was bruised she came back like half an hour later and she's like look what you [ __ ] did in my hand and she started hitting me again i was like what the [ __ ] like i remember i confronted my mom about why she told my family members that i was failing out of high school and she just basically just said you were and she started like she has this like crazy shrill like top of the voice like bloody scream it's [ __ ] horrific it could be in a horror movie man she sort of started screaming like you were [ __ ] failing out of school blah blah i got pissed off so i went to i went to the high school i got my transcript printed out i went back to the house and i showed it to her she would not look at it she would not look at my transcript and she just kept yelling that i was a [ __ ] failure that's all she did she wouldn't look at my transcript she lived in complete denial about it and just continued to tell me i was a failure you know i realized this like the less i talked to my parents the better i became in my own life like the less mental health issues i had the easier it was for me to focus on my profession the easier it was for me to focus on my relationships and my friends and on one side it's like you want to maintain a relationship with your parents because at the end of the day they're your parents and you're like biologically programmed to love them but on the other side it's like hey these are people that are just responsible for your mental degradation and they're not helping you in any way shape or form i think if someone's just continually toxic no matter who the [ __ ] they are in your life you should be able to just walk away like if it makes you this is the main thing with like mental health is like sometimes when you have mental health issues you need to be selfish with your own emotions sometimes you don't have the energy to like put up with other people's [ __ ] you got to be able to focus on yourself and if somebody's draining that energy that you need desperately to focus on yourself and better yourself you need to cut them out of your life you

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Length: 18min 26sec (1106 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 12 2020