Guilty Parent

so who has a question with total confusion right now I want to hear from someone real quick that doesn't that that's lost or doesn't understand it or is trying to figure something out okay this gentleman over here who's really buff so I hope it's so I've been having an awesome time so far my mother's been to a few of your events my father's been a few of it and so and it's really uplifting and I think your approach is incredible and thank you comedic and nice but I did get lost with the water and the ice and it kind of dropped me off and I was kind of following and then I understood the we're trying to wrap your mind around it I was trying to yeah yeah ice tries to wrap its mind around it okay that makes sense yes what ice - ice tries to wrap its mind around it so that it can get smaller I want to get this concept into my small brain versus becoming the thing that you need to become to understand that in your body because people understand that only here almost all the content that I say is coming from my heart so you can only understand this in your heart you actually can't understand this with your mind because it's death to everything that you were before right so it's not that you need to become water like it's something that your ego can do it's something that you are what do you think when I say that I I agree and I and I and I have you know a lot of similar belief systems but I'm trying to attach I guess the the stories the clutter the the why the many maybe to break them down one at a time or to compartmentalise orb yeah I let them just show up what are the stories that show up in that space I mean what's what some of my my stuff yeah yeah I I've listened to a lot of other people and there was a lot of similar things I mean I have a 13 year old son who lives in Arizona I don't see nearly enough I got a second DUI and ten years that in that I've enabled to not let not I haven't fixed that problem I understand those and every and I really respect those and honor those but what does that have to do with you being water and not ice help me with that like show me how they combined to you are glaciers No [Laughter] no I see yeah it's it's broad I'm sorry I'm that's why I'm kind of not missing the boat who's missing the boat you are hold on you or your old story is missing the boat my old stories miss right right so you were able to say that mm-hmm what does that feel like it feels good it feels like a start yeah Oh a start okay so now what do you feel right now you just said this is a start tell me about that I wanna I want to just break this stuff down I that's all right well no do you think it's your job to break it down I think I'm the only one that fell on do you think you break it down or do you think that it will break itself down I do you think wreck it down ice can break itself or water can break ice and if that's the case is there anything for you to do at all other than waiting yeah I think there's things I can do yes but do you think it's you that's going to break that story down do you understand what I'm saying your ego is it going to do it or is it something that will break itself down on its own are you with me so far it's kind of yet who's with me on this do you think that life isn't going to figure out how to take care of itself without you do we all are we that arrogant to think that every circumstance is here for us to judge it control it and try to change it or can we just be a space and let that problem exist for a minute without you thinking it's your job to fix it because every time you try to fix it you recreate it you're implying there's a problem the truth is your situation is that you haven't seen your kid in a while and you've had a DUI your problem is you think that's not okay so you're arguing with what is which constantly keeps you in the old story but it's a fact that that has happened so if that happened your job is instead to totally be okay with it not in a way where you're gonna keep doing it in fact if you resist it it's going to keep happening if you resist how long it's been since you've seen your kid your child son do you say yes if you resist that what happens immediately you feel you're not enough and a not enough person isn't even worthy of seeing him for longer right the more you resist it the more that you're going to keep doing that because you think that it's not okay but if you actually understand the reason you didn't see him in the past was because you didn't know any better than now you didn't feel worthy you got a lot of love for feeling unworthy you have clearly by looking at your body you overcome things right you're good at mystic you get a goal setting right you're good really it happened I missed some goals early and I thought that was a waste of time to fail something right you judge failing because you think failing is a thing you think failing actually is a thing someone said to me once what if I fail I go what do you mean hey so well if I get on an elevator like you said and I hit on someone and then they don't like it I said you didn't fail you said the right thing and you actually disqualified the person from being out of alignment with you for the rest of your life you didn't fail right failing is not a thing if we ran this event if we do the Kodak Theatre or now it's the Dolby Theatre and no one shows up I didn't fail I showed up and I did everything I could so that I could get that learning experience out of it right there's no such thing as failing but if you judge it then you're gonna say I'm a failure I'm a shitty dad I'm gonna feel like crap about it I'm gonna get drunk and drive I'm gonna do all kinds of because I think that I'm a not enough only based on not the situation that's happened but that you think that shouldn't have happened it did because there was a you in the past that didn't know any better so now you're gonna forgive that guy what does that feel like it feels good yeah how much better of a father would you be if you can forgive yourself and bring a forgiving guy to your son so that he can forgive himself be you've been through it too what do you think yeah maybe that happened ladies and gentlemen the jury maybe that's happened so that you could bring a new level of forgiveness to your son in the future when he does something that he thinks is a mistake and maybe if you don't forgive you you will bring in more pain more shame and more judgement to him because you think that you shouldn't have done stuff so you'll think everyone shouldn't do stuff you think your son doesn't have a right to make mistakes do you think you don't have a right to make mistakes do you think you don't have a right to make a mistake and then learn from it do you think a mistake is here for you to judge it or for you to grow do you even think it's a mistake how's it going just swaying in your wind man yeah I get I get so into this and I don't I I have to move sometimes I have to do this thing right because I'm just so into what's coming through yeah come on up sure yeah come up yeah come up just for a second just for a second so tell me about you what you feel are felt until this event about you not seeing your child your son for a while what have you felt a constant guilt constant guilt okay and what is that done for you it puts me in a bad mood right gives you permission to stay the same - sure here's what guilt is guilt is when you do something and then you learn that you shouldn't have done it because you did it you had to do it so you could learn that you shouldn't have done it and then a third you shows up and expects the first you to have known what the second you figured out but you had to do the first thing to learn the second thing because you can't see how incredible of a father you're about to become because of the that you're going to forgive in yourself does that excite you it excites me yeah so now it goes from that runs me to that's a choice that's a choice for him if he's going to stay mad at him he thought it was the truth the truth at one point but now it's a choice what's that feel like relieving yeah the last two people have had a very chill yeah that's cool are you handing your sons weed out to everyone [Applause] that's the solution let's get everyone stoned in here because with both Gloria and you the contrast of energy from me to you is a limb like isn't that the greatest you're like oh yeah is the thing that happened to well I'm just so I'm a it's still pending I mean it's still there so I mean I know it that being the water because you think it shouldn't be there okay okay alright that's good yeah that's good yeah yes don't love the thoughts so you can get rid of it instead handle and walk around with that Boulder today that shows up let it be there yeah but it's not working let that be there I don't know what I'm doing let it be there this is stupid let it be there just let it sit there walk around with confusion confusion is the doorway right yeah so are you totally confused slightly less can slightly less confused okay yeah I'm less confused that thing that had come up a second ago is it still there no no cuz you loved it it left in ten seconds right right is that cool cool yeah so tell me about something that you regret that you have been holding on to or you shouldn't have done that you want to share if it's like a cute like there's a bomb in the backyard like I don't want that like years ago you know my father went through a quintuple bypass surgery and I chose to to numb myself and and let my parents go through that physically I mean I was 30 miles away but I think that transcended a lot of not being with my you know my family on a consistent basis like I was guilty about not being there as important times and mm-hm and it's right because you believed that you were required to do that to some degree yes yes who told you that who says you were supposed to be I mean yeah it would have been nice but who says that's how it should have been what does that even mean television taught me television Tiger you know the family archetype er I mean yeah I just you know these your dad give you crap for that did he say you should have been actually really really well my dad was you know in his getting prepped and whatnot but yeah my parents are very understanding that I you need to do it handle it my way dad it's so honor that they were understanding anyway they were fine with it so why beat yourself up family is very important so I just yeah family is very important but the unconscious belief is every time someone's going through something you're a piece of if you're not their true right that's the feeling wasn't that moan cool the whole room Oh like a sea of holy wave like Oh [Music] it's not even a belief that you should be there it's that you're a piece of if you didn't go there right where does that come from that self judgment and self hey it's not even that you should have been there it's that you're a terrible person right what did you think what were the thoughts you thought I'm a what for not going to that I saw a selfish selfish yeah you're selfish if you don't go to that right yes now I understand a lot of people all right yes you should have been there but but you did the very best you could with what you understood it was overwhelming for you at the time let me ask you this right now if you had to have a quintuple bypass surgery and your 13 year old didn't show up would you be mad at him or would you think maybe it's just overwhelming for him yeah I would not be mad at him for anything so right would you feel he didn't love you would you feel you're not enough because of him would you feel what were the things you've said to yourself because you missed out on that surgery honestly it was just the foreboding possibility of something worse happening and and thankfully that did not yeah but I just feel like it wouldn't have been I wouldn't have been whole with this situation I would have you know been the whole it would've been gapped it would have just not right so if you had quintuple bypass surgery and your 13 year old son didn't show up and you passed away would you expect him to feel not whole would you want him to feel lack forever I would not want that I would not project that but I so why do you want that for you television now I it's special area sorry what would you want your son to know if you passed away and he missed your quintuple bypass surgery what would you want to him to know from the other side if you saw him suffering about it what would you tell him that it's okay yeah what else that he was always more than enough you know yeah tell me more as I want to make sure you're hearing it well I just I would tell him that I you know that my appearance in his life wasn't a reflection of how I felt about him and you know that take care of yourself yeah oh thing yeah just that it's okay so do you notice that both things you've said are guilt about not having an appearance somewhere you've both feel bad that you don't have an appearance that your dad in the hospital and you don't have an appearance at your son enough you constantly think you should be somewhere that you're not would you say that's true I would definitely say that yeah so you have addictively been in the practice of thinking you should be somewhere else would you agree with that yes I would agree with that yeah please wait for the stenographer type faster so excellent so now how has that helped you to live in a world where you think you should be somewhere else I feel like I need to breathe and I need to let that go and do what I can to REM you know to know not feel that way so I let me ask you this where should you be only the best place for me which is yet to be determined no let me get one right get one right because I'm a piece of if I get it wrong right there's one place that you should be guess where it is and this is the only thing you need to take with you there's one place you should be always do you know what it is where I am yes Yogi Bear that's a good quote that's the only place he should be so what would you be like if you were okay with where you are instead of always thinking addictively that you should be somewhere else I feel like I'd be a nucleus for good things yeah yeah and how what lesson would you have for your son by the way had you not had the DUI and had you not had a few extreme things would you be thinking that life is about being somewhere else and unconsciously teach your son that even though you showed up all the time you unconsciously give him this constant guilt that he should always be somewhere that he's not and he would have missed out on his life maybe that was supposed to happen so you can realize it from this place right now and teach him he's perfect where he is right absolutely so how do you feel right now pretty amazing yeah is that still floating around that pain yeah but do I not swiftly dissipating yes what about all that ice that you didn't understand and the ice and the water thing what about that I am the glass [Applause]

Channel: Kyle Cease

Views: 29,649

Rating: 4.9209485 out of 5

Keywords: kyle cease, guilt, evolving out loud, transformation, intervention, psychology, dad, guilty, parent

Id: 79gFL4uPRQk

Length: 19min 22sec (1162 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 15 2017