Groucho Marx Dick Cavett 1969

hi I'm Dick Cavett and I need to tell you this Groucho Marx was on my show five to seven times I suppose and every time he scored but one night in particular was really what you could call blessedly perhaps the last edge of Groucho's prime he was there he was young he was funny now we were only taping 30 minutes because there was a golf tournament that was going to screw up the schedule so at the end of the thirty minutes this was all we could use it was going so well we just kept going nobody could have stopped in the face of that and it was wonderful so let's just enjoy Groucho as he then was and where were you on September 5th 1969 the Dick Cavett show with special guest Groucho Marx and Bob Rosengarten of the orchestra ladies and gentlemen Dick Cavett [Music] [Music] I only have a certain amount of time to tell you this will not be one of my funny monologues I thought I'd tell you that in front so you'll know this is sort of special show tonight some weeks ago we taped half an hour with Groucho Marx that was our intention because of a preemption of a golf tournament but at the end of a half-hour Groucho was so hot and he was so funny through the Hat Father he just stayed here in the studio audience saw a brilliant hour with Groucho and you never got to see it some of you only saw about a fourth of it and one of the things I'm proudest of is that I know Groucho Marx and I have heard him talk this way in private life and tonight he did it on television and shortly you will see the uncut unedited version that will include a great Harry Ruby song he will sing Lydia he'll talk about his brothers and Margaret Dumont and the line that was censored from night at the Opera and a lot of things it's it's really a sort of classic hour and I wanted you to see the whole thing because a lot of you wrote in about it so I don't know what else to say except that you will see an hour of conversation with Groucho as he would talk in your living room you can take my word for it he's that funny off-camera and on we will come back shortly and you will see the man who when asked what he did on his trip to Africa said I shot an elephant in my pajamas one morning and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know we will be back with the great man after this my guest list tonight in alphabetical order is Groucho Marx he Groucho is I guess too wise to be identified as just a comedian and he's also too funny to be thought of as just an American institution which he is and I don't want to get too reverent because he sort of invented irreverence on the screen will you welcome one of the landmarks of comedy a great man the incomparable Groucho Marx [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello I must be going I cannot stay I came to say I must be going I'm glad I came but just the same I must be going [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] very interesting always looking at the broads in the front two rows now wait I can't help noticing your hat understand now what's wrong with it it has curious little people on the test well I'll tell you this is an in deference to the golf tournament that's going on over in the vast west of autumn America no and I wore this when I play golf and it's distracted the Caddy from the watching me play never could find the ball except the one up here they said I had plenty on the ball but it was on my hat and some colloquialism like that how you been good I've been fine it's nice to see you I knew your glad you're back on the air and the proper time - yeah not at forest-like whenever I saw your show last year I was eating oatmeal that's what they called primetime in California that is an all they called it either I am a fine the show is going to be a big hit because you're on a 10 o'clock at night great a lot of people are going to watch it I'm on at 9:00 Central Time I wouldn't go that far you anything about Allison another thing if you ask me but Ossining I would be stumped yeah how long since you've been stopped I don't know I don't know what's happening that's the main thing I'm fine somebody once said there's only two things are important sickness and death and since you don't have either of them you should be very happy it's hard to see you in New York usually it's hard to see me you're odd to see you yes I don't come here very often anymore this is my birthplace that's right I was in one in 78th Street between Lexington and HI we move to 93rd Street and I lived there for about 14 years mm-hmm I was there the other day they're tearing down part of your old neighborhood this is not just a coincidence everything them they turned the schools that I used to go to that was the 96th Street and Lexington Avenue PS 86 rail paper was the something that they used to holla hey how about other things with me you know we used to we used to go to school in the morning my mother always fix sandwiches for us in the morning to go to school because we lived in 93rd and the school was of 93 but by the time we got to school we were hungry again so we always ate our lunch and then we went home and had lunch again was also astounded she's like prepared lunch boy why don't you eat it cuz we ate that on the way to school this is why I didn't get an education they're tearing down a brewery was that a favorite of yours they my aunt and uncle that used to work there he was a private detective in a brewery that makes draught beer was called Rubens yeah it's the word and I don't understand a brewery having a detective what does he steal in their draft beer Corsa was during the war was the face World War and he was probably in the draft but I don't know mm-hmm kind of silly to waste time on that one waste time on this whole show [Music] and that's where women boy there's nothing I got thrifty networking apologize for that there is only it isn't your responsibility you weren't hired for that purpose no youyou claim to have mellowed over the years and all that but I had dinner well not too much we had dinner at the colony the other night I shouldn't mention the reservation no not only that you ended the tab - well it's a very dignified estimate well you were a napkin on your head during dinner that's right condition I catch a couple if there's a condition soon as I walk into a restroom I say put me someplace where there's no air conditioning luckily they had no such place at the colony but there was ten dollars laying on the floor which you tried to steal he's not making this up there was a family of Germans at the next table and one of them dropped money out of his pocket and I saw it I think elaborately no no we had so much money some other kept flowing out it's like the United States government anyway I picked it up and Groucho held it out to the man and said I thought you might not be able to pay for your check he looked astounded in Germans true by the way he didn't have any money for the check I think you paid it as a matter of fact he's a wonderful restaurant he jokingly next time we're getting free after this short plug I wouldn't think so that one said horn and hottest and they throw me out a slot machine another slot machine you pay cash yeah do you find it hard to be funny at any certain time of day I know when you made films if you get a glorious audience like this no I can I can be funny most of the time when you made films though you had to get up very very early in this that's why I objected to making I made 18 19 pictures I mean that I don't mean that was the year we made a make it's even worse for women you know in the movies they have to get up at 5:00 in the morning how do they look well I've never seen him naked but you know they used to have men put the body Baker paint on for the women really then the unions got on to that and they stopped it somebody stop it I think it was the vice squad the golden age of sin yes at once yeah Theda Bara never tell you about theatre bar not there to berra Greta goblin never tell you the story of her the dog leg building in New York I don't think so would you like California yeah she she used to affect very big hats he was a very shy woman she really was you sure you had these big hats and they had there this is a sixth floor building the followed by building and and Los Angeles and she would back into the elevator she had to go to the elevator because she didn't want anybody to see her atop - it's just such a big star I was standing in the elevator - and she back then I didn't know who it was and I took the back of her hat which was a way up here like this and I took the back and I lifted it down until her whole face was covered and she was furious and she lifted the Hat up and she looked at me and gave me a withering look and I says I'm terribly sorry I thought you were a fellow I know from Kansas City that's a true story it's a nice story yes I met exception subsequently about ten years later in the party and we discussed this and she was very nice about it she had big feet but she was a nice woman you have a lot of things having you in elevators yes this is true I noticed that you were telling me the other day a lady flirted with you I think in your hotel elevator and frequently yeah does anyone come up to me the other day and say would you aren't you got your marks and I said yes she says may i kiss you as a feel free I was fairly free at the same time she invited me up to her room but I didn't want to go she was an old babe she was already 24 yeah I had a in in the Plaza Hotel once when I was doing the quiz show I had there was a priest in the elevator I hope you're not offended by this because I would just as late tell a story about a rabbi but doesn't fit neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue this priest said to me he says that you Groucho Marx and I says yes he says gee my mother's crazy about you and I said really I didn't know you fellows had mothers [Applause] what can I explain to pre stop me up in Montreal some years ago and he come at me says aren't you Garage earmarks noises yes he says may I shake your hand I said fine I shook hands with me said I want to thank you for all the joy you're put into the world and that says I want to thank you for all the joy you've taken out of it we're back my stage manager I ever saw they could count up to 10 he can do it backwards and forwards yes I imagine it could it's the tone of your voice that there's something that things you said did you say the song they're playing some animal crackers information horseman horse feathers I understand there's quite a Renaissance of the Marx Brothers movie around the country [Applause] [Music] I don't have to tell you before you interrupt a mother that's why this play is being written by my son and his partner who had a show on Broadway last year Arthur what was the name of the show do you remember no I don't remember it was about kids and the younger generation and the different generations but it's going to be played not by yes it's going to be played by kids around like the Charlie Brown show you know kids 14 16 7 it goes up to the age of about 18 the Marx Brothers were you tough kids was i tough yeah no I wasn't tough but I was thrifty I remember we lived in 93rd Street and it was a very tough kid lived around there never told you this no and I bought four balls these are not odd balls he said they used to call them all-day suckers for yeah those people now go to the racetrack but in those days candy but you know he could suck one of these for three hours and never gotten any smaller and I used to I used to buy for a cent and I had one of my mouth that kind of bulge out buzzed out here a little bit and one of these tough guys came along was in the winter and it was snowing hard and I had three of these balls in my hat in case somebody asked me for when I would say well I don't have anymore I had three of my hat and this one guy didn't believe me and he company says give me one of those hard those balls those suckers that you're sucking on them I said I am gonna MA and he hauled off and he hit me on the chin and I was out in the snow for 30 minutes cold [Music] you know I could have been killed and after that whenever anybody asked me for an all-day sucker I would take off my hat and hand it to rather sad but it's very reveal how poor and how thrifty I was in those days because either that or stopped it yet is it true you stole a printing press at the age of 10 or is that just no no this is true when I was about 10 years old I wanted to be a writer and I had nothing to write with I had a red pen so what I wanted a printing press now they had him on sale at Bloomingdale's for a dollar 98 they were about this size and they had lettuce and you know you pick out a letter H G whatever letter you want and I stuck it under my coat and the floor Walker came along and he saw a peculiar bulge and he said what do you got under there and I said nothing he said he reached in and pulled out this printing press and he got a cop came over and arrested me and oh man Bloomingdale came along around this time and he says what are you doing there what's the policeman for this is well as kids stole a printing press this would let him go all the kids steal in this neighborhood let him go and they did they let me go but they didn't give me the printing press you know some years later one of the Bloomingdale family had a play opening in Philadelphia and it was a real stinker and George Kaplan who was known as the architect of the theater at that time he was invited by the Bloomingdale son to come down to Philadelphian look at this show and see if he had any suggestions for fixing it and after the show was over and the curtain was done Bloomingdale came down the audience where Kaufman was sitting is George what about the show what should we do about it because I'll tell you what you do hisses close the show and keep the store open at nights one of the sounders pieces advice I ever how do you feel about them how do you feel about singing singing that I mean you mean me or well yes your owner other people lazy about other people's I like a few songs I like Tom Jones and they're like I like Jolson and Cantor sang well and and Perry Como when he was awake sometimes people thought he was a co-op standing there he was getting a lot of money working abhava sure he's a nice fella and sang beautifully anyhow are you asking me to say well I was I thought I might entice you because you have so many [Applause] [Music] well then I have to drop this again so I come back and keep their filthy hands off this is a song from a picture called a day at the circus which we did at MGM and I sang this in a Pullman car why are you applauding a Pullman car anyway we're in this picture we had a gorilla it wasn't actually a gorilla it was a gorilla skin with a man inside of it and he had a manager this gorilla skin had a manager and we engaged him to bring the pelt over to the studio and then we engaged a man to go inside of the gorilla skin and he also had a manager Joey had two managers there for one gorilla and this this game was awfully hot you know with all the lights and it was in the summer we're doing the scene and during it during the lunch time the fellow who was in the skin he went over to the lunch room and he got a nice big and he bought about 40 holes in this gorilla skin and when he came back he was very comfortable inside of this skin but the manager got wind of this the manager of the skin rage and he says sir we're not gonna permit this and he says give me my skin get that guy out of there with a belt over his shoulder and walked out of the studio now we had about three more scenes to do with the gorilla but we had no skin we had six people from MGM rushing around San Diego and all around that section of California looking for another monkey another gorilla but we couldn't get one we got in the riot time which is only as half the size of a gorilla did you know that no but I do know and I'm glad then we had again we had to get a [ __ ] to go in this in this orangutan screaming and then we got hundreds of letters when the picture come out from fans who say we don't understand it the gorilla was this high I never told him that we [Applause] Oh linear Alinea say have you met Lydia Lydia the tattooed lady in a dorsal and a torso even more so linear Oh Lydia that encyclopedia for many other queen of tattoo on her back is the Battle of Waterloo beside it the wreck of the Hesperus - and proudly above waves the red white and blue you can learn a lot from video when a robe isn't fail she will show you the world if you step up and tell aware for a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree Washington Crossing the Delaware [Music] Oh lady our own linear say have you read Lydia or any other tattooed lady [Music] relaxing here Oh Lydia that encyclopedia Olivia the champ of them all photo [ __ ] she will do a massacre in Jess with a view of Niagara that nobody has on a clear day you can see Alcatraz you can learn a lot from Lydia [Music] [Applause] come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso just a little classic by Mendel Picasso here's captain exploring exploring the Amazon is Godiva but with her pajamas on [Music] Oh lynnie are all in here say have you met Lydia old any other champ of them all she once swept an admiral clear off his feet the ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat and now the old boys in command of the fleet for he went and married Lydia I said Lydia I said [Music] [Applause] [Music] you want a complete you want to go on with the show you had enough why don't we let the audience decide okay no a date because they have no place to go that's true I didn't get to ask you about the rumor that you were running for governor or somebody asked you to run for governor or something like that after the California they didn't want me to run for governor this is pre Regan or Regan the proposed then I asked him how much they paid yeah and they said it was $35,000 a year well at that time I was getting sixteen thousand a week for doing the quiz show so I tell them unless they get raises to that some forgettable you don't want me to sing anymore oh I love when you sing singing you haven't got any time to talk and I'd like to hear you talk oh I listen I'm here every night [Applause] if you if you had it to do over would you do anything different there were rumors that you once wanted to be other things besides a performer I wanted to be a doctor at one time he did yeah horse doctor I wanted to be a doctor but that was before Medicare I wouldn't do it now most days the doctor could keep all the money made now he keeps about 20 percent but what they've done the doctors they raise the price of everything mm-hm so if you're going get your leg sawed off it used to cost maybe $85 to be about on and 40 now it's hardly worth it isn't no it's hardly going to dollars I'd seriously consider both legs and I could say I'm your legs Oh Stan there's they keep writing books about people of [Music] the hotel and the Regency house you think that I should give her a ring well you know I'm leaving Sunday that's right so you have about three weeks is this is this a constant in your life women are costing you like this yeah yeah mostly elderly women the young ones are smart they know there's nothing going on that it's funny I'd tried to make the stage manager a little while ago when I found out he could count up to 10 I said that's the boy for me [Applause] you know you're one of the best and wittiest conversation [Music] [Applause] I was thinking you're speaking of the I was anything and talking about a Noah and all abroad in the hotel but I'm sure she's very rich she told me - well that puts it in a different light yes I don't know if I get any of it I mean I knew that was incomplete sentence I got the judge a few weeks ago really an incomplete sentence don't worry you'll be back may I ask a question the times interview you gave yeah and you talked about everything from mortality to God's angry man yeah yeah and I got a lot of mail on that I wondered about that do you know that I have a book and the Congressional library in Washington did you know that well well the book of letters that I wrote here letters that way you're included in the letters and Fred Allen and Thurber and TS Eliot and Benchley and practically every notable in America I didn't actually get into the book but I have letters from you but I just missed the books I have letters from you which are much about it in mine [Music] I was on one of the night shows I don't want to mention the name of the show it was the Johnny Carson show I mentioned that I had written a book a book of letters it's called by Groucho Marx with all these notable people then and the next day I got a letter from the head of the Congressional library of Washington not a letter phone call and they asked me if they could have the original letters which I sent to him and if anytime you are washing you go to congressional library and you can read my book there it's 2 cents a day true I'm probably the only actor in the last 40 50 years that had a book in the congressional library and while I'm very proud of that you know you're very highly regarded among the literati it's not that you write well for an actor but that you write well how many but a few weeks ago but he didn't come on no I guess you'd call what you'd call a self-made man this is a sad description of a man you know I didn't finish public school and I've written five books and I've won the library in Washington I'm gonna say you know what they say some praise is no praise well let's forget this and get on to something dirty or obscene the same thing it used to be speaking of this letters I've had three letters from your friend Harry Ruby in as many days he's a congenital idiot and a compulsive letter writer he is Harry Ruby is the great songwriter also I thought it's the friend of mine too oh and he's written by truly all the songs that I sing Lydia is one of the few songs that I sing that he didn't write I would like to sing Father's Day which he did write but apparently we have no motor no way no we're way over let's do it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] doesn't matter do it from here all right I'll get to chosen one here okay well you know I think Father's Day I think is next Monday it's almost a after him as a matter of fact no yeah that's true is it is Friday here theoretically it's Friday it is actually Friday because I'd fish for lunch you know but you know all the songs that are written over the years in show business are invariably about women mothers you know there's yet as your mother come from Ireland my mother's eyes was Jessica wrote M is for the million things she gave me my Yiddish and mommy mama mother machree mammy all those songs and they neglect fathers they do in this country the father is nothing is a joke in most schools there he goes now [Music] you know there's only two songs that I can recall three actually Harry Martin once sang a song called my heart belongs to Daddy that was a kind of a sexual song really yes it says yes not incestuous no just sexual and then there was a song called pop goes the weasel' that's a great song about then there was one call everybody works but father which was a big hit and I'm gonna sing your cars to that in English and if you like it I'll sing it again in German because this song when all over the world all over Europe any in this song when everybody works the father he sits around all day every freedom from it let's start it over again your walkies do know where I am you mean everybody works my father he sits around all day feed in front of the fireplace smoking his pipe of clay mother takes in washing soda sister and everybody works in the house but my that was a big hit and then in Jamin it goes this way our shops are beneath father again the cancer party for them to fiber thus honestly Toronto put the mint in bashing and out the twister and Allah our vitamin on supplies [Music] I'm gonna sing you this song that my good friend mr. Ruby wrote today father is Father's Day and we're giving you a tie it's not much you know it is just our way of showing you we think you're a regular guy you say that it was nice of us to bother but it really was a pleasure to fund for according to our mother you're our Father and that's good enough [Music] [Applause] [Music] what a beautiful melody is lovely the beautiful sentiment today father his father's day sixteen men in that Orchestra nine of them are illegitimate children nine and a half including the director the tie that you got didn't cause such a lot and will give you the same time next year you tell us it was nice or bus to bother but it really was a pleasure too far for they say a child can only have one father and you are one for yes you [Music] Oh they'll be calling him the count pretty soon hardly a Duke can do that with you hey can I check something with you you can check anything with me if I get a check well I mean by this there's a incident there's a book up with about Fahlberg whom I know was very important in your career it's not in the Congressional Library in Washington no you speak very warmly after all I think he was the greatest producer that Hollywood ever produced Irving Thalberg yeah he died at 37 all geniuses died engagement died at 37 I was gonna diet that he said what changed your mind for you I don't know you look lousy at that you said music I don't when you get older these people have sympathy for it is that incident true about fell Bergen you're you and your brothers he was he was rather an arrogant man they're arrogant isn't really quite the word but he was a very serious man and a tremendously hard worker and he always had four pictures going at one time he was so busy and he I guess he knew he wasn't gonna live long and he wanted to do a lot while he was living you know he did Romeo and Juliet and those pictures well I can't remember him no but we did two pictures for them Night at the Opera and day at the races and by an odd coincidence they are by far the best pictures we ever did and it was a severe loss and he died and but he had so many writers working for him all the time that it was hard to get to see him I remember the first day we come in to see me have we had a call for 10 o'clock in the morning and we sat there until 5:00 in the afternoon and hope for lunch and came back and sat there and we were humiliated we've been big stars in Broadway in three musical shows and to sit there and suffer this in this humiliation so at 5 o'clock he wanted to see his nie said no we'll be here tomorrow morning again at 10 o'clock but if you don't see is by 10:30 we're walking out because we're not going to tolerate this kind of treatment we don't need the movies we can go back on the stage so the next morning we got on to see him an attempt that he left he could was talking to some other writers and other pictures she didn't enormous amount of pictures and when he went out Harpo went to the commissary and got some raw potatoes and brought him back and we put the files he had a lot of files we put those up against the three doors of his magnificent office and then we lit the big fire but huge fireplace we got the fire going we took off all our clothes sat in front of the fire and toasted these Mickey's they were called nose and later about two hours later he knocked on the door and he went to come in and we finally opened the door and he saw the boys sitting there naked eating these potatoes and he never kept us late again everybody else was afraid of me plus he had such prestige and power at MGM but we didn't we could have gone to Guatemala back to Broadway or something was he amused by you did he make me make it yes he was amused by that he he liked us because we didn't take anything from him after that you know if he said something I always argue politics with him he was a hopeless reactionary politically because I was a Democrat he was a Republican soon as they get rich they become Republicans all vigor I don't know if that's still true but it wasn't those days he was a poor boy from Brooklyn yeah and he went out and he worked for Carl Laemmle and he was a genius he was the office boy boy you know it was vice president and MGM put him in charge of three quarters of the studio there and he became they bet built a building for him out there Faubourg that's right took off Cabo's hat yeah but what he loved us didn't have a chico particularly because he was a fanatical bridge player and he loved to play bridge in the evening and he had built a house by the ocean because he loved the ocean but he had it soundproof so he couldn't hear the waves [Music] you've always said that Chico was the most interesting of the brothers I've heard you say yes he had a brilliant mind Chico hey Chico had gone into mathematics is something he would have been at one someplace in New England you know and one of those in later years and MIT or one of those MIT etim like this asipi was the name that's how I learned to spell Mississippi from hearing that song that's inaudible with Margaret do how times change I remember years ago they used to be a theater called Hammerstein's Theatre in Times Square those are on 40 years ago and there was an act on the bill I forget the name of the Act but it was what they used to call a boy and girl act yeah the girl sat on the bench and the fellow would try to make FL IRT play and he says you're a very attractive broad and he he said it's a nice day isn't it she says it was and they were canceled after the first performance at their Hammerstein's Victoria because he said broad net weight was not used in those days to refer to a woman too racy yes it was and now when you see people walking around naked in the audience and on the stage it's a whole different kind of a wall that moved in and I'm and I don't belong in this world really I I'm an incongruity I don't belong in this things we went to here the other night I know it was I saw the place half of it I was Tommy smothers insisted on me going there but either I didn't understand it but I either that or I found her to Walker I'm not interested in seeing naked people on the stage yeah because I can go back to my hotel and the 4th floor they think there's anything sexy about a naked person on the stage I think women are sexy when they got their clothes on you read a bit and if later they take them off than the youth triumphed [Applause] now somebody somebody once said it's what you don't see that you're interested in this is true speaking of ladies at the beach music ladies there isn't one in the whole audience except those two in the front room I've always wanted to ask you if what we're putting those two for a long time to in the front row yeah well we'll have them ready for you take him to the party did Margaret Dumont find you funny she played the as everybody knows the Dowager understood anything I did on this stage she thought I was serious remember we had a line in duck soup which is one of my favorite lines and there was a war at the finish of duck soup I'm sure some of the people are out here seen the picture especially if you applaud you only waste time that I could use talking to you keep quiet just laugh hideously at any rate we had a big she'll come through a window and I rushed over to the window and I pulled down the shade and her name was Otis my name was Otis driftwood in this picture and she says Otis what are you doing there I says I'm fighting for your honor which is more than you ever did at the end of the scene she came over to me she says what does that mean if you don't know what it means I can't explain it to you I'll show you how peculiar the Audis and the morals were in those days the morality of America there was a scene in I'd the Opera where I'm walking up a gangplank under the ship and I had two suitcases of my hand and she's in back of me also walking up and as we walked up I said to her she said to me Otis have you got everything and I says well I've never had any complaints yet you know in 37 states that was cut out by the census never understood anything people probably were married yes he was she was in so many pictures well sure I did with her was the Hollywood Palace and she was waiting sitting at the stage door as though she at that time was still a great star it was kind of sad she had a okay of roses in her hand which I think she had bought herself and had delivered to her and two days later she died and if she did a last show she did was with me on the Hollywood Palace she died between tape and air and believed as they say I think she died before it was on air didn't she oh yes yeah I thought you were describing something you said between the tape and the hair I didn't know what you know but this isn't that you know if you read bad news story you wouldn't believe it I know it said a woman's over in and seven or eight pictures of Oz and was close to us on the stage and all over and still never understood what I was talking about and that was a charm I think that she was deadly serious all the time you were the only one who ever said about Hubert Humphrey that he would make a great wife remember reading that [Music] I never quite understood that but I sure think maybe he talked too much in Chicago but he wasn't effective I don't and I like you but I think he's a fine man and a nice guy so the only one who ever saw him as a as a wife I expect I don't I think I think he could have been elected if it hadn't been for that mayor in Chicago mm-hmm that guy was no good hitting children voting him and kicking him yeah disgraceful and it was a sad part of America I hope we're not going to see much more of that we will move a knee down the universities I don't approve of that either you know the suicides is this thing students have a right to be heard and the faculty also has a right to be heard too right and since you went to the University of Yale I was thrown out of the hotel in New Haven with me at the time who was living in another hotel and the hotel didn't see eye-to-eye with us they friend on what you were doing there they didn't he didn't approve of it hmm now today I don't think it would bother anybody no they'd let you stay a day and then say yes if she walked up seven flights of stairs to get to my room because she didn't want anybody to see it get in the elevator of course today and she very nice girl but they eventually threw her pigeons in their room afraid of remembered well this room had French doors that open this way yeah and it was around the seventh floor I think and the pigeon flying into the room you know like they do in New York on window sills I don't know if they do it here anymore like they used it and I was trying to make love to this girl and a pigeon was biting my ear was encouraged by this it's how the girlfriend she says get those pigeons out of yes I have no control over these patients I don't know hey Paul downstairs and I got to to hotel Dix you know what they are yeah yes and they came up and apparently they were a customer this because they come up they didn't say anything about the girl or the the agents or anything else they took off their coats right they opened that door to the hall and then they waved their coats and all the pigeons went out into the hall and disappeared I don't may have gone to another room the best pigeon stories I've ever hear well that's a true story that's terrific you have to know those pigeons very well you wrote a book called beds and I wish it were still in print it's one of the funniest things I've ever read and it's very hard to find the book yes it's a kind of a collector's item home you know I was written 25 30 years ago I also wrote a book called gradual and me memoirs of a man he loved me the pigeons in mine at that time not a very funny book called had many happy returns yeah about the Texas but the day that book came out with Simon & Schuster war was declared in the Pacific and nobody bought a book about taxes and you know it wasn't yeah it wasn't very democratic or very patriotic with 335 hundreds say was drowning in oil harbor that immediately funny book yes maybe they didn't want the book any on what is the funny did you ever read it no but I'd be less a me a copy would you think I have a copy yeah all right so we we have to a pause and we'll be back you might gotcha thank you for being here I think they didn't know there was a pleasure in all time yes I think that one person got to be Groucho Marx and you're the one and you're very lucky and we're lucky [Music] [Applause] we invite you to join us again Monday night for the Dick Cavett show good night was in 1964 I think our first trip over there and right after that they had just bombed the airfield that knocked out 17 plane that was one of the original and you know lots to an avocado American plane and they caught a group with the bombs just about a mile and a half away from the stage while the stage was on well while you're doing it while we're doing the show you know they told us about so we were we've been very very lucky you know there's things little things that happen and I think they found out that they were on our side to you you're totally so every word that you reword that yes I what do you read bub you get much time to read how do you keep up I read all the papers I try to read all the headlines and you know around I don't get a chance to I read scripts and different things I don't get a chance to read some great books that I'd like to read but I because I read a lot of scripts and a lot of plays and different things you must have to keep up with just about everything that's going on yes you're in excellent with everybody right try to well I'll try to get material on it but [ __ ] him what what in your trophy room would you if there were a fire and it would you run in and grab in my trophy room yeah what's moved you don't boy that's a hard thing to say a lot of it I've been very very lucky I've been moved by a lot of things and there's a lot of things that I'd like to say you know yeah in the in that trophy room quite a Congressional Medal one of the top well your special medal at yeah yeah that's that that's in the safe we're gonna have a copy made of that seriously to put on exhibit if I'm hope to open a museum very soon out there because I I wish it were to be funny I've had things given to me by almost every base that I've ever played since 1941 you know in great pictures marvelous pictures of audiences of our service guys that I you know that I've enjoyed and there's so many things in it and what would you do over differently you like your life as far as it's been so far you know you know what I started a book with your my life to live over again I wouldn't have time that's very good that's true and I don't want to change one one day of it I've been so really lucky and so I've had such emotional kicks with different audiences around the world and I've been I've been exceptionally lucky yeah I have well we must take this message well I don't wanna make you cry [Music] this is a great kick I might have enjoyed a while you're gonna do the full 90 minutes this is it we did you're kidding no this is it well I really enjoyed it and I've enjoyed hearing those numbers enjoyed seeing your your little trap here this is my first one now there's a wonderful place easy these are the great great intimate theaters that it's you know that we love and there's the old John golden theatre I've always wanted to see you sit and talk this long there been people who claim you couldn't do it without doing constantly getting laughs and it's wonderful thank you that's instead of money huh [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Archy L

Views: 2,750,415

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Id: VckmK-ZCpAU

Length: 54min 9sec (3249 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 04 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/merreborn]

Theres some good groucho stuff up at archive.org

[u/infanteyes]

That was wonderful, thanks for posting.

[u/[deleted]]

Amazing. Thanks for posting such a great find.

[u/[deleted]]

whatta snoozefest