Greg Davies - Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast #190

when I buy a bike for life I think yeah probably is look at that pretty cool hey hey this was a Kickstarter reward for the new o-ring I'm 50 DVD which is now out I've only made a thousand of these and most of them have gone to the Kickstarter so if you want to get one of these go to go for sir Stratcom and you can buy either a special edition with a limited edition signed one where you'll get this bag as well or just get the DVD and you'll get this check for fifteen pounds times two which is pretty good if you catch that you'll actually be in profit it's a four disc DVD it's got oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] I'm v forty it's got a [ __ ] 40 and it's got over again fifty and two bonus discs including a snooker tournament I played against myself in a in a art festival for a transgressive art which offended the transgressive artist so much that they as many of them left the show anyway you can get that a go for a strike you can also get of course the immersive questions put with questions like what makes a good answer to a question what makes a good answer to this specific question rubbish one and of course this podcast is sponsored by b-52 dot-com if you go to b-52 calm slash row Hollister per you can get eight free craft beers just pay to pound ninety five for them to be sent to you and then you can stay onboard and get a craft beers a month for twenty four pounds or you can leave it's up to you anyway thanks very much to them for sponsoring the show thanks very much to everyone who did the Kickstarter for this show and for the pound for the DVD and now let's sit back relax and enjoy you can get the book go faster strike calm /eq let's sit back and enjoy with her lester para hollister burnt with greg davies [Music] [Music] let's gently walk Leicester Square Theatre please welcome a man who's just been advised to do his belt up back safe [Applause] into the toilet just did away square I was hanging around with the baader-meinhof gang they are not as much fun as that they make some sound I have to say they were quite unpleasant quite unpleasant people in many ways they do it in a German accent like I did just then so what was I going to talk to you about you know my book is out emergency questions do you buy that and do I support a sponsor beer 52 second week in a row no beers are turned up and fifty to comprehend estimate if you want some if you want some free beer but I'd mentioned in another week that I'm in the Amazon this it's like a quite obscure chart with about four subheadings and the final one is fat fun facts and trivia and I got up as high as I think I got to number one actually it for a very brief time but I've been fighting against the man called Hugh Jass burn he's put a fifty two things to learn on the loo I'm not sure it's his real name I'm not sure she was Jasper we agreed to we'd swap books and I'd buy his book if he bought my book joke's on him is gonna cost five might cost nine ninety five nine thirty five seven already up but you know he's only got 52 things in here I've got a thousand one in mine it's a very good piece you know it is better than the name suggests so I'm gonna say and I can see why it always does quite well in the charts you can learn the two cork released Rick on the toilet hold a cork in each hand as shown above place the tip of the thumb on the top of the cork in the opposite hand using index fingers reaching around grab corks and pull apart show a friend give them the corks watch them fail I mean you know I did my best for you but it is no taking a page at random if you were in hospital would you prefer to die than be patch Adams not as good as I said so not as good as that not as good as that so I'm very much looking forward to our guest this week he has been on before I told him backstage he was one of my top 3 podcasts I've ever done my favorite sizzle ideas rubbish it's mainly me that was good he is probably come on Ian come powder that was me that was all me so he's probably best known as balloon man in Teen Titans go to the movies she's actually quite a big [ __ ] deal [Applause] how you doing I'm very well thank you good insufferably hot fat prick I truly am nice to be here [Laughter] we delivery ramp it up backstage just thank you cherish last time I knew what chairs yeah they are nice kickstart money this is read it's where it all goes gets blown lovely didn't I was sitting on a very bad chair in last week's podcast I forgot to mention now although all the ladies had lovely these lovely chairs now is that one you saw up close as barely a chair and we're off it looked like so balloon man yeah that's but this is a big deal balloon man it sounds like a funny thing but it's way out in the UK see I don't know it's a Hollywood it's a Hollywood thing like I think all the kids like it yeah yeah yeah it was just a you know they clearly decided that they wanted is a tiny bit part and they just went through the rolodex of incredibly fat farting disgusting old comedians I got the part but it took me about an hour in I die within 10 seconds right spoilers it's an animation they didn't need to get like literally a balloon man no they think they obviously thought that it should be genuine so yeah it's just a disgusting fat creature yeah just farts all the time and then it's destroyed within 30 seconds of the film starting so big break apparently people like Teen Titans Titans go I'm not I wasn't I'm not aware of it's too old for my kids that's the problem so I'm you know I'm more into what for the wonder dog and yeah all the classics yeah yeah again we can talk I forgot to ask about how they got vanish to find a talking dog to do that so must have been taken a long time um so we had such fun we had such fun backstage we'll build up its right and I think it was the chair story yeah it is good the chair story it we may have to chair up in here yeah for me too let's say look it's not really counting a chair that one see yeah it's a basic unit [Music] I feel like we should try it on a chair story that is for me okay have you got a funny chair story I I was on earth when I was living in rented accommodation I was on a small two-seater velour sofa during the day when I should have been teaching children I'd taken the day off and God punished me because as I was watching daytime telly and I was just in my pants I caught my leg to let out a fart and I fully filled my pants full of [ __ ] [Applause] they let me gambit on the chair weirdly because I am an on a shame it brief wearer none did gone the fellow so I could have been awful I really remember walking too much but I think it's it's unusual even when you've got a tummy complaint to go from naught to 100 miles an hour normally there would be a feeling all that well but what's on this morning - it's a full payload when I was at school you it was so frowned upon to use the toilets to poo in right yeah when you're seven eight you couldn't if anyone did a poo in the toilet that people would climb up and laugh at them and yeah people would there's a boy in my school who still lives in my hometown yeah and who is still called poo boy for that very reason and that is absolutely true he's the son of the now dead local news they still call boo boy knew twice I shat in my pants rather than go to the toilet [ __ ] I own like yours in the city last week I sent us feeling unwell I've never seen obviously so you needed a [ __ ] and you logically as a child thought yourself I can't risk being embarrassed by my school mates do a full turd I was in the sickroom because I wasn't feeling very well so that was quite the reason that yeah yeah yeah and I remember the teacher came in to check to me every now and again and one side completely proved myself that came in they went you might as well go home now I think he'd smelt the poon I mean I would assume so there wasn't a toilet attached to the sick no say he just saw was in lessons I could have snuck in and used it would have been there one of the tiny toilets from the first years in the middle school you know when I was at Primary School I'm not sure what I'm worried about doing this podcast is that I am a middle-aged man now and I won't remember any of the stories I told last time so I'm probably gonna repeat myself I was at Primary School your Pooh stars are so delightful this is I was I was in primary school and I threw a girl's pencil across the classroom in an active she unprovoked spite that the head teacher mr. Lowe yep no dead he saw me throw the Panther across the classroom and he grabbed me and he picked me up and he put me on the table we were like in group tables it's all a little group all sat round Worman big table dotted around the classroom they grabbed him anyway I saw that boy and he put me on the table and interesting sheer fear I just pissed myself and so it's just I said I think it's my earliest school memory of me just fully pissing all over a table at my friend my best friends were sitting around and it all sputtering it and it really scared mr. Lowe you could see I wasn't expecting him since but he knew he had to style it act soiled yourself now as if that's what happens that's what happens if you throw a girl's pants across the classroom now you've pissed all over the table you now must go and change they took me away anyway as a consequence of that for I mean 25 years I was known as table top throughout my whole secondary school now simultaneously in another classroom miss Laxus classroom my friend Steven Jones had shut himself I think on the staff at the same day so I became known as table top and he became known as Cathy ass and we sort developed a bond over here the years so I would go past him and go [Music] three years about three years ago we had a school reunion in a local pub like I went to school in 1979 and as I was product to the pub in my car that's chaos at the cash points outside the pub he had his back to me and I went my window down and I went oh I haven't seen him for 30 years I want my windows own I went and with that turn around he went [ __ ] even chicken was made I know that my own phone good I say you are I'm trying to do all things that ham since 2014 when you were last on ok a lot of bad stuff since 2014 not in any serious way lazy way yeah well we're both in our 50s now if you don't know whether I'm in my 50s you're 50 yeah no in your 5351 no I'm 15 there's a distinction which is one of the 50s one of the 10 50s and I think is I think they're I think the decades of marked by separate entities and this is a year of youthful exuberance okay I'm 51 so I'm definitely my [ __ ] hell well it's my 50 my you have to shut yourself [Laughter] you said in what you said in your your absolutely your excellent standard specials on Netflix you magnificent beast security earth what I love about this job is it's my job on a Monday to just watch you do comedy for an hour is very good so you said I think you have less to look forward to 50 or certainly in an interview maybe if not in the show yeah you really feel like that you feel like life stepping away i yeah i'm i think it really broadsides you 15 i think you can't i can't quite believe it i was talking to a mate of mine who and we were literally yesterday what feels like yesterday fantasizing about what our lives would be like when we were 30 I know it's a cliche but it is like I sort of feel like 30 to 50 is like you know it like there's that experiment where doctors were sucking out people's hypothalamus to see what would happen they lost all their memories I feel like that's what happens and then you've woken up the next day and yeah but I'm still 30 that's my long-term memory so that's that's quite bad yes so you have nothing in your life though I've got two children's yeah [Laughter] and obviously I would prefer to be doing the stuff you're doing but I'd go buy a horse I have two children and that's a good consolation said to me the other day he was not joking he was not trying to get a reaction out of me he said I think he found out my time I go I go back now and I wouldn't have four kids I just I just get a couple of Doc's probably and I went you mean if you could literally go back in time now you would you raise your children because yeah I think so probably yeah yeah I'm balanced I think so because all they do is complain and look on the internet I do that voice for all my pressures of all although friends probably my best mate lived with me a couple of years ago because got divorced and we were like two 49 year old losers but I just [ __ ] loved it it was it was like reliving just going back to being a student and we'd lived like students we had curry every day and just got drunk all the time it was great and I'm sorry that he's now happy in another relation it was such great fun anyway I said to it one Sunday going for him I'm thinking of a meal with other mates surely come and I don't know why this makes me laugh so much and maybe it was alright I don't see why not cuz all I've had to eat today is an individual cherry black one on the bone and the bone of cheese [ __ ] you talkin about everybody when they're when they've not planned their meals just settle for a famous British meal a bowl of cheese tell you another story man when I see it's a different mate who does have the same voices it was in the 90s when I was teaching yeah and there were two really attractive teachers both of whom I really fancied it was desperately trying to impress and they were having about how disappointing the male fantasy of two women being together is they were sort of saying it's just pathetic that that's men's default setting that they think that you know that women are all gorging on each other whatever that male but that male fantasy exists they were saying is pathetic and predictable and of course I was trying to impress them so I was pretending that I find the idea of two women together on a plate leg as well thought out god it says pathetic as there yes is that the best you can do just imagining two women being together God Almighty yeah and then Tony came in he came to break time he went all right we went all right town and he goes through we're talking about I want to like girls weren't always talking about them you know the male fantasy of two words two women think together and before you can say anything else he went oh my god oh my god the thought of you to let me tell you that I'll quote it's astounding the thoughts of you to tender chickens [Laughter] backing away as each other is more than I can bear [Laughter] [Laughter] as a 4955 and as you're doing this show is that your glee is still your child's play is still there with my on the show back Tony 14 the show about turning 50 and they're both saw up a little bit the 41 more so than the 51 really about them oh god can I carry on being childish and I'm going to you know at the end because I'm too old you don't seem to have my personal life but I think I think I am you know i well documented I grew up in a house where with an Inc sensationally childish father yes so I think the die was cast yeah yeah of course we're all just incredibly funny it's January's are such funny show and there's not I mean there's a little bit because there's a little bit about your dad's there's a little bit of like a soup sort of like emotion in there but yeah it's always under cut really it's just great you know there's so many summit specials and stand-ups doing this worthy and serious and doing dead dad shows that are like yeah it's so much fun to see something silly and I think that's fine yeah if that's what yeah if you need to get it off your chest in a public forum that's fine but I choose not to be sad on stage but I think it's okay if that's a good way of you dealing with it but you know I I only mentioned I would the thing I love about stand-up is you're in absolute control of what you release yeah yeah so I would mention that he's died only because I want to say a funny thing that he yes it's a way into joyous about him sure I mean it's little love it's AB lovely tribute for that cuz that's the kind of man he obviously was as well yeah and but you know critically I guess you know I don't think I've laughed at you know many Samet shows as much as I laughed at your one but you know critically cool go you know where's the where's the death to [Laughter] you've got quite a good review from Brian Logan in the garden if you read your reviews but I read that one yeah it was a four star that read like a war for the grudging stars he's the archetypal reviewer who wants every stand-up show to be what he would do if he was doing yeah which is a political stand up show basis today I mean he gave me four stars yes he must be alright yeah gave me four stars as well have two nearly dead nearly got him sacked from the Guardian so he had to so story but he does mention in that review I think of a routine is at least isn't in the Netflix live show it is the light is the Netflix live shows shorter than the yeah chop it down to an hour yeah I don't know why he mentions routine about dr. dick lifter is in the Netflix I think so I don't know well that's a huh like most of it's just a hundred percent truth yeah you want to tell it yeah I mean I was interested to know by I had a massage guy who wants I have a penis a lot I mean it is a it is on the surface a genuine story of awful sexual assault I had to go for a medical we are when you do any kind of tele project you have to go for a standard medical and in my opinion it's largely a pointless exercises so that they can say you've been sent for a medical and you normally get sent to one particular doctor in what's it called Harley Street who really who's lovely but largely just says out here you alright and then he talks about his son for about ten minutes and then you leave after he listens to your heart but then I got sent for this one show to a different doctor I'd never met and he and I have a massive fear of authority some of my friends called me f OE because I were anyone in any position of authority I'll do whatever they say about 70 it'll look at you in there but pop behind the old pop behind the old screen and pop your clothes off and I went oh I didn't have to normally have to take probably clothes that would be good so I just did it straight away down to my pants and he came in and he tucked my knee like that because that's really important and he listened to my heart then he took my blood pressure and then just with no warning whatsoever he just took my pants and I went because I wasn't expecting someone to expose my penis and then he was talking this is my face he was talking to me and he just took hold of the tip of my penis and lifted it 2 inches in the air so it was upright and then he just carried on going in how long you been filming for it must be quite the life the life being an actor he held it for bait and I worked acts as a clock bhai here I worked out he held my penis upright for three minutes while he was talking to me and many popped it down and I went home I went I don't think that's a reticle I can't think of any reason why why to make you sure you're fit for filming you have to have your penis lifted three inches in the air and held by a 70 year old man and it sort of troubled me I mean do anything whether it's he just melted and then I went on set and I and I saw the director who's about 10 years younger than me and buff much better-looking and I went yeah yeah yeah I could see was a bit shifty and I went [Music] all right and I went grab my chicken and it lifted in the air no it rat he could be same to me thank God it's weird it's weird right I said it's [ __ ] weird and this is absolutely true and honestly it's the longest five minutes of my life and I was genuinely furious [Applause] maybe he was timing like a he's boiling an egg or something he needed to time it yes they saw it was hard-boiled for the listing of my tickets that's just the way didn't keep time Richard but maybe to him he some maybe he's carrying there that's why I took my bull that's why I listen to my heart first to make sure to make sure that my heart was keeping perfect time to boil his egg he was able to feel my pulse to my lifted of course damn good I know why that didn't make on to the Netflix special it's good so I think about your dad and and your dad making up lots of stories for you and playing tricks and you're making stuff up yeah we saw that makes me one cuz a lot of things you talk about in your show mildly unbelievable they're not but they are true but that's what your dad would say is that it's carrying the torch what they are and I yeah they are yeah but that's what I find funny and I think that is you know when lots of comedians are trying to find the truth in their comedy my literally I literally find things that genuinely happened to the funniest yeah and the only thing I'm guilty of is is merging stories and you know messing around with timelines but the the the starting point the the thing that's made me laugh yeah normally happened yeah you would say that I met you we were talking about Rick and you were just the first errors of man down I think when we last talked on here yeah and and then obviously that same year you we'd lost Rick and you also lost your dad as well yeah that was within two months yeah because the double death yeah impressive impressive to lose a fictitious dad and a real dad in one year yeah yeah how did you how did you cope with it really was it was it it was horrible I mean it was bad enough with me never having met Rick mail I was the other day I was interviewed for the young ones documentary and like I don't cry all the time I'm crying now and I sold you back writing the last podcast but I have to start talking back right now like Jenn we started crying in the interview they don't they used it because no one's there's a lot of me crying on the cutting room floor heart of pointless and failed some interest but you know you've been work with them and he was such a big part of that show and I think you know and it was a lifetime ambition he made I never thought I would ever work with him or meet him or you know have anything and then I'm being invited round to his house for tea and planning shows and yeah it was Ted is terribly terribly sad but the reason it was sad for me is because he was still you know he had that awful accident in the 90s and was clearly affected by that you know who's had an ongoing affect on him because he almost killed him fell he was dead for five days I think he loved that telling people last yeah I heard him tell that story at least three times because he was dead for longer than Christ was his trip the reason I didn't know him well as they pointed me pretending that we were best friends you know we worked on one series of a thing together it was terribly sad for me because he was so full of being still and he was still old fifties and same sort of ages you yeah it was just so enthusiastic and full of life yeah yeah there was no there was no sort of complacency on set he just wanted to be as funny as possible and yeah as mad as possible so it was a difficult decision to carry on we man down that wasn't that wasn't difficult because the easy decision was not to replace him yeah that was we were never not gonna carry on with it but the only thing that could have been tricky is do you try and get someone to play that father role I decided that my ten seconds there's no point who would say yes you know you see that sitcom where somewhere cat it's been replaced even it's not exactly the same character in its yeah always but when a major but it was very moving that the episode you did was a the first one he did was a very moving kind of homage to both I hope so that's yeah it was really yeah it was very hard to write it was very it's the hardest thing I've done in this silly business is to write a show about father died sort of after my actual dad died and the character played my dad had died was about just about the hardest thing yeah boho my dad still life so easy last time I checked so is that it's great yeah we joke in the show about you know you taking so much material from your parents and so you know you quite you funny about saying your dad dying is screwed your mum was your mum really resistant to you doing stuff you do you just still do do a lot about your mum in that I do and I just can't go away from it I and I try to because I I just did a gig over at the Comedy Store just now and I said foolishly I do panic that I I might come across on stage as having a sort of Savile esque relationship it's gone down just as badly here interesting you know that's sort of obsessional weird middle-aged man talking about his mum's too and so I do I do genuinely constantly yeah that's the only similarity I have with that so I do sort of constantly vie that I'm never going to talk about her again and she's happy about that she's like good I think is time you moved on in our absence stopped and then and here's an example of what then happens and this happened a few weeks ago I vowed since that show where I once again focused massively on the stupid things she says I was ranked at her best mates house a few weeks ago we went for drinks cuz her daughter was visiting and we're having a classifying and they were talking about what it was like being pregnant in with me and with her daughter in the 1960s what it was like and there were two things that I was I remember thinking I don't remember this don't write it down don't write it down you don't talk about her anymore and she goes kids the first thing she said it was because of course of course I was absolutely repulsed by pregnancy okay thank you she doesn't disgust I couldn't wait to get you out of me okay and then she said then of course I gave up smoking with you but I didn't bother with your sister and I went okay why she's well isn't it obvious and I said no she goes well your giant aren't you and I had an awful time giving birth to you and I'd read in a paper that women who smoke are in danger of giving birth to underdeveloped infants and I thought that would make it easier for so what you try to shrink my sister in the world when are you a [ __ ] 17th century witch so I just can't imagine she's ever gonna stop yeah making me laugh yeah I was thinking about Jimmy Savile mum the other day oh yeah difficult wank when you go over you take take a run up but it you need to go dark sometimes she didn't do anything you know he kept like all her clothes in Christ yeah yeah and each I clean him every year I think or something that's right yeah we don't know why he did that I think you've been a bit harsh on Jimmy Savile to judge him by your dirty stuff it's what do you think happened to all of her clothes when he died do you think like someone's walking around wearing Jim examples mum's stress or do think they were like because the gravestone got all smashed up and destroyed a bit yeah didn't they destroy it doing they got burnt market for them so well so you are hosting the Royal Variety Performance yes it's another thing that I've done for my mum yeah just in between my clothes dry-cleaned she's fine if she's alive I think that's a nice thing if you don't know I don't know how that'll be because I don't you know if you've watched even 10 minutes of any of my stand-up shows you know it's just absolutely disgusting unsayable filthy I think it's it's I've done it before I've done it as a comic and it was fine but it's not my crowd and now I'm the host so I don't know we'll see you know I mean I've got some ideas I don't know whether they're work or not in front of that crowd I don't know is the Queen in is the code you know the I can tell you something quick but I don't think I'm allowed to tell you who the Royals are for some coffee is it because it's Prince ending I'm not telling I don't think I'm allowed to tell you okay I don't care I'll tell you okay I'll tell you offstage and I'll meet all of you individually and I'll tell you I'm just not going to tell you on this no one cares but I think it would be nice yeah and there's some nice comics on the bill and it'd be alright well yeah should be fun yeah I don't I just don't I wouldn't know where to start I mean it's not likely to happen to me nor do i we'll see yeah yeah exciting yeah and you worry on who think you are which is what I the only reason I'd like to be as famous as you is so I could go on who do you think you are it's the best thing so yeah such a shame you won't get to do it is that doesn't get on the telly do it you know what that's disappointing it's disappointing some of the stuff that doesn't get on telly and even to the extent and I understand why they have to do it because they have to edit complicated stories down yeah but I always find it they were cutting whole humans out of the story there were whole like sisters of characters who died in weird circumstances and they were chopping it out and they chopped out this some amazing thing we met we met this expert they have you meet these experts on the journey and we met this expert from a Welsh University who came off script the producer understandably is trying to stick to the story of finding out it was finding out who my grandmother's dad was because we as a family have never known and they found out who who her dad was on this bizarre telly program but we met this some guy and he was talking about courting techniques in rural Wales at the time and there was a courting technique known as bundling and this didn't make it on the show and it's my favorite thing I learnt on the whole journey that at that time because I was saying it would be a scandal for my great-grandmother to be pregnant out of wedlock surely and now my great-great-grandmother to be pregnant out of wedlock and he said no it wouldn't have it only became a scandal sort of early 1900s in the late 1800s there was nothing scandalous about getting pregnant out of wedlock in rural Wales because there was a technique called bundling where and this was widely practiced where a young man would go to a farm and sneak into the one of the daughters bedrooms and have sex with her and then if she got pregnant he knew that he got a good one there and then they would get married because there was no point in marrying a woman unless she could give him loads of kids to work on his remote farm when it all be really unhappy and want to kill themselves bundling it with people that they that want to be bundled though right oh yeah which is why I think I think everyone's going to be quiet story [ __ ] ourselves sorry I should make it very clear that the daughter of the family would open the door and welcome the young man the thing I found most interesting at the whole story was it was totally okay to rape me in the 1800s you know it's the voice I'm using here so there was nothing scandalous in rural Wales about getting knocked up in in the late 1800s and it was the government who decided I seen the government paper that basically said all these [ __ ] farmers are all and all banging each other and having a great time pregnant we've got to get them into church one of your ancestors is a ghost as well what do you mean died in like a car accident or something oh yeah and then people have said he's haunts a haunts the valley yeah yeah cause he doesn't but the locals seem to think they in my great-great-grandfather still marches around the valley yeah why would they think it isn't true oh it must be then good dentists do as a ghost I'd go I just thought they would try and film you with the ghost do they spend any time doing that trying to no they didn't they didn't try and fill me with a ghost rich that's why I'm not the producer you waited at night in that valley he come on if we get this and you can go hey what was it like me who's a bit of a rum I'm only that guy that would say for yourself that came from happy about being go sorry all right can I be happy about it because you go is a bit like extra time in it better being dead I began I'd be the thumbs up whirring heights have been a very different story with you is the best all right it's all right come in with your consent this is a question that I've noticed in the dailies it's asked the day expresses exclusively asked to women and I find that sexist so I'm going to ask it to my male guests from now on okay good these daily expresses hope it's about my vagina then express this question what's your beauty secret men don't you ask this question ever you're a very sexy man women like you've read British comedy guide on the British comedy guide British Dave Brit calm confessions yeah yeah there's more up oh there are three mentally deranged women is directly of their it's one all very much about wanted to be on taskmaster and you are asking for tasks and the rewards are taking your clothes off and then having sex in front of the studio audience who asked me unfiltered look at yourself on a big screen that's a new one we don't that's what I want I'm guessing young lady but him you know baby young Java Pete you have a beauty secret regime yeah I suppose the the one the one vein thing I do I'm amazed I was missing too is that I put a little bit of die in mind be it's okay yeah there was a man over in my Park who runs the local cafe who said and this is just genuinely how he talks anyway he went now no no and I went what he goes this no and I went oh you don't like it as now you look a hundred years of age you've got a dross and just four men through that so I do draw a little bit through the sides to stop me looking like Santa that's the only thing I do you know like Tim Allen half way to transitioning to Santa there in the Santa Claus thanks I didn't expect that question to get like such a revelation now be in the I'll be in the Daily Express as this comes out yeah that'd be the front page oh really tell but if I don't put a little bit it's just totally white and just makes me look 65 so okay yeah this is on this is all natural my mum is it yeah this is all naturally I never go full no LED burns right I don't think there's any shame in taking the edge off it didn't you be sure cuz surely no LED wounds never thought he would go in like with no lemons it was it was quite subtle and then suddenly one week on so you don't know like you just look like children's felt the production team did then he turned out like there wouldn't be no there I seen they're too busy looking in the mirror going on girls I thought we doing films by that all right here is an emergency question it's hot as [ __ ] in here isn't it is it no no the old heart if you go during this interview will put out as a tribute to you including your death and death rattle and I'll be laughing for because I think you're joking and then we'll go then I'll pull a serious face at the end we do a show about it it might be my step up to the big time my girl who do you think you are the man who murdered Greg Davis right through laughter what what don't even understand this question I'm going to ask you to you I wrote it what's the most impressive place that you have revealed you're naked is that going to through a publisher someone's proof read that gun yep what's the most impressive place that you've revealed your naked no way you've been naked I've revealed my naked hey I don't think I've ever revealed my naked everywhere impressive okay I don't really like being naked I don't even like looking at myself naked but I can tell you that the freest I've ever felt naked was on a hillside in Spain and someone had bought me a caftan and I went out in the place I was staying very early morning and my girlfriend at the time was in bed and it was 6 a.m. in the morning and I went out in my caftan and I stood on the size of a mountain and I lifted my caftan out and I just urinated off the banking without touching my penis and I think you've ever done that is a man it is so liberating I've all of the men here and the women I guess it might be a bit more messy you must go home and try another way with your hands behind your head it's so free it's like returning to the wild so I guess that's the best way of yeah it usually you've got someone hold it for you as well that's the thing maybe that's what he was up to it's time for your example I needed it lifted by three inches okay here's a question for you I think I think you'll like this one would you rather be the face of a twin mostly absorbed in utero staring out the stomach of your otherwise you'll be able to think independently and talk and pass comment of what they were up to okay please your chat with them when they're lonely would you like me or be the prisoner this is training the remains of a bottle of whiskey ago okay watching the word creep up [ __ ] it or be the prisoner of a Randy Bigfoot who so far has treated you kindly enough that has a look in his eye [Applause] just distilling those down a bit well e-either the twin dibs may mainly absorbed twin someone else in their stomach I would guess like a bit like they guessed Oh recall that little baby in tow Rico oh so I'm just a small face with in someone else's stubble yeah but you've got you've got your own dependent would I rather be that yeah was I rather risk big potentially [ __ ] boy Sasquatch it's a different thing there's a Bigfoot different thing to a sasquatch they come from different regions that's like saying you know an African elephants the same as an Indian elephant they're difficult different ears okay what's the key physiological differences between Sasquatch or Bigfoot I just want to know what Richard answers your question yes I would I think I would prefer the freedom of moving around and fending for myself and the small chance that's the Bigfoot wouldn't [ __ ] me than being absorbed within someone else's stomach so I think it's another question would you rather have the living face of your own twin who you would mostly absorbed in utero staring out of your stomach yeah it would be able to think independently and talk and pass comment on what you were up to and chat with you when you're lonely yeah or live on top of the pole in the desert for 30 years like Simeon Stylites but this time your your interviewing it's just a twin cut friendly little yeah clock it's all about freedom of movement yeah I don't want to be trapped in someone else's stomach and I don't want to live on top of a pole okay like David Blaine so yeah I would have a small voice with my stomach okay in that case okay yeah sorry it feels like you've been asked that before yeah from the way it's responding it quite angrily have you got a twin in utero I've seen your stomach there's nothing in there you have a see-through toaster yes this what show but the showbiz life has become Alex homes really really jealous yeah yeah genuinely furious so he wants to see through texture and I can't say that I'm at all excited by it so you can see your toast you can see it going Brown and saying hi oh that's brown enough but there is a design flaw because who sits watching that point of a toaster is it automatically does your toast for you right so if you're having to sit watching it go Brown then it's tell you what it is rich yeah it's a solution looking for a problem okay so we should talk about taskmaster you are the taskmaster undeniably yeah it's a fantastic show we had little Alex Horne on he's not that little he's quite six for two of it it's quite big yeah compared to me I think genuinely Friday irritating I think that people no no it was the violence or and something that I'm drunk with joy or any irritation I can cause him it's a lovely relationship the two of you have permeating through those growing through those many many series you've done there how many series have you done it seven seven yeah yeah and more to come many me yeah I would think yeah yeah it's a joy for me obviously because Alex does all the work I think it's one of those things that a lot of telly shows that get made broadcasters will just give them one series and if it's not everything they hoped it would be in that one series yeah and they stopped making the programmes with Dave and taskmaster they just kept going cuz I think mine and Alex's little fun thing has genuinely developed as we've gone on yeah cuz I didn't know Alex at all really no it's a very nice relate I mean it feels like a relationship that was you know there was that predates that but is that's that you just didn't really did you did you know when you're when you were offered do you know because I was getting you on board was a big help for them because you were you know I don't know but yeah I was to like it yeah to be offered to know and I you see the potential immediately or was it if I'm honest with you I it was just - Alex did it and I have been to see Alex's shows and I think he's really clever and funny and so I yeah I just said yes based on that yes I didn't know whether the show would work or not yeah he thinks the biggest idiot you've had on the show so far as Benny it's on it because celebratory Phil Phil Wang no I think I would say that he is the only person I think I've judged far too hard I've watched a couple of the back and I thought now you've really stitched Wang up there but it's hard you know I'm making the decisions genuinely in the studio yeah and judging people and it's genuinely quite stressful it's so I don't always get it you don't always get it right well you do get it right because you're the taskmaster but sometimes it feels yeah like it's grossly unfair you feel you gave rod and easier ride because your mates I certainly did not and I've you're not the first person to suggest this and I'm telling you now there is no way I want rod to do well in any aspect of his life even if it's on a joke game show I utterly refute that I was helping him in anyway that's what someone who was helping him would say yeah was so very Trumpy and response to how furious with myself and is there a lot in that show that doesn't make it to the screen I did ask so much yeah yeah I don't know whether alex is meticulously planned the tasks and filmed them so I don't know that there are many tasks that don't make it to the screen eventually but in the studio it's like any of those shows we just talked for ages yeah yeah certainly over two hours we record for every time yeah yeah you know it's a very very enjoyable show it's a wonderful show to be part of yeah yeah I imagine sometimes sometimes imagine that I and I I got who do you think you are before I even did that [Laughter] last night I slept from 10:30 to 5:30 yeah didn't get up to do we when was the last time that happened I checked I genuinely couldn't tell you at 11:00 a.m. tomorrow I have an appointment with the doctors to talk about my prostate will you give us a ring and let us know how it goes give us the rings unfortunate because I have got to have a prostate examination tomorrow yeah yeah now I'm I am up 3:30 every day with every night with them middle-aged piss it's a living [ __ ] hell do you do you have kind of panic attacks and I've started having sort plan attack panic attacks on a wake up in the middle of the night my kids sleep through now till about 5:30 6 o'clock so like I should be out of sleep through the night but I often like wake up about 2:30 after having had a weird dream and then feeling really uncomfortable and not knowing why and I can't turn the lights out and have to go and walk downstairs and and have a light on and I can't sleep for about two hours and then I can sleep again no I don't have any of that okay probably that's sort of thing that happens in the next year for you it's just the ward you it's really horrible because it's like you sort of think [ __ ] is this actually is this sort of slight sense of fear and dread and not and feeling like you're going a bit crazy which I am NOT is that what life is gonna be because as you get older you know your brain decays as well do it and then you go crazy yeah my memory of this podcast is was far more hopeful young we were young men in our mid 40s do you really feel you've really feel age if you find it difficult I know I don't forty harden 50 I think it's cuz they've got so much going on I don't just every that's maybe I the only time I get it's two o'clock in the morning maybe that's where my existential dread can kick in I think it's all it is I've had it for a bit but it's sort of happened it happens when I've drunk a bit too much and had chili too late in the day so it's nothing to do with that you just I don't know if you're very terrible time are you silly hood sir I used to get drunk and eat chili late at night and still be able to sleep but now what I find about drinking now as a middle-aged man is that if I have get drunk I have 48 hours of absolute depression yeah definitely is a knock is a knock yeah so a literally awful yeah this podcast is sponsored by b-52 [Applause] dot-com / OHL STP if you want eight free beers and to feel terrible I got around applause for sleeping through the night without doing a week they love us it's the most that's the worst that has ever happened to me but I generally cannot remember the last time I hadn't didn't have to get about her first day to do we and I'd had a beer and everything that's great I'm very pleased for you my ears good are you ever mistaken for Greg Davis the children lost no dink he's ever mistaken for you know doing anything when it picks up don't think I want you to do my children's lost me now so you interviewed saying that you still love Turing used to enjoy it yeah I really do I think it's a really great thing to do with your life why wouldn't you like it why do any comics ever moan about it so you get driven to a town talk [ __ ] for an hour to people who've paid to see you shut up it sound great thing to do yeah ya know as long as people want to do you know see yeah well yeah I think it's great I think with so much your comedy depends on you enjoying yourself as well don't you think so like some people can be grumpy and you're not a grumpy before in any way I you know so if you don't if you're not enjoying the stage time I'm not sure that show would work in the same way as it does no I would agree the material is flimsy at best and the material is good but I think so much of it is you're so much it is your Glee it's your childish Glee at what you're doing yeah and it doesn't feel like you could really I mean there's a very North Tower comedian and you don't jump around playfully still touring is an amazing gift isn't it a wonderful thing to do I do i phone again when you got to since I've had a family at home alright well I can see love kids yeah are you gonna have kids I died Jesus Christ I'd barely be a good dad Thanks you say you hate children I don't hate children at all I got two nieces I love them they're great I took I probably told you what my nieces said to me a couple of years ago I walked into the dining room and they're like they're 8 and 10 now so they were 6 and 8 at the time and as soon as I walked in the older niece went we're not allowed to talk about how big your belly is anymore the younger on Daisy came out from behind her went but you are fast [Laughter] and yeah I was totally and I think there should be more bone disease I had to really surreal moments yeah what is the reason I'd be invited is because I don't know a gig and I've given the proceeds to voted neurone disease and the guy went round and introduced us all and said what we've done and he said that you said you'd raise loads of money the guy who worked at the cherry used to work at scope that was it right ok you were totally imposter I delegate when they introduced me said the organizer said and this is great Davis who's who's raised many thousands of pounds for motor neurone and later on there are two weird things that's me later on Susannah read quite aggressively questioned me over the top of Stephen Hawking about how many thousands of pounds it's raised she went he faced Hawking was our IP where so much was between us she went you've raised thousands of fans of you and I went yeah yeah how many houses folks no I can't remember and then five minutes later benedict cumberbatch whose wife was heavily pregnant swept out of the room and my mum who was obviously there because I'm obsessed with her oh no oh Benedict Cumberbatch's left I really wanted to meet him and judge rinder stuck on making this [ __ ] up as their judge render Toronto went you want to meet him you're gonna meet him and he ran across the room the past walk in and read sorry puss Stephen Hawking and she's on a region the other strange collection of people that princess and Princess Anne was there and and quite aggressively grabbed Benedict Cumberbatch where they are he was escorting his pregnant wife out and dragged him back into the room to meet my mom okay yeah so you can let go of my arm George render it's nice to meet you old lady old lady I'm a comedian I don't know great night that's good who else was that we were saying that we were sat next to Nick Knowles his wife but Nick no [ __ ] out Knowles you can't do that generous offer we were definitely at the battered the rubbish head to the table oh god they cost well away from his lesser-known kings well they can't afford me this time I'm hosting the [ __ ] I don't know actually I don't know there's a there's a there's a possibility that might be more mundane but I'm more inclined to possibly do something else so you write something else that you're not gonna be in I'm writing two things right one of which I won't be in and one of which I will be in more than anyone else that's my plan well there is a route where mundane might reappear but at the moment I'm gonna try and do this other thing yep any clues about the thing yeah just another silly old comedy yeah the idea because I haven't got it away yet there's be embarrassing yeah I do all my nan in none of them get made well yes Danny but it gives them a lift I'm not making that mistake it's to a tiny life well I've got a thing I'm looking forward to I hope that comes off yeah oh well I hope that will be nicely one man down it's a just really silly and fun thanks rich [ __ ] come and yeah and they're right brilliant gang of people yeah yeah they're really nice group and I hope somewhere in the future maybe there will be something else here yeah we'll see let's do let's just take a random emergency question and let's see if we it works or not what is the best thing you have ever bounced on a very rare blue space blue yeah that was bigger than the orange ones because I was an exercise child so they sourced a blue space up before me I guess that's the most yeah thing are banks I imagine you'll wanted me to do sexual innuendos out saying any it's just quite having your face did you ever [ __ ] your big blue just the babbly a one-off time if you [ __ ] us for having one a one so you could do it in the blow hole they blow the blowing up hole this place up in here they were tiny that extend a little bit what if you were its were anyone who's seen my stand-up show yeah knows that I fornicated with my teddy bear as a child I mean it was a big teddy bear that wasn't like a little it was five foot two it was like a grown up teddy bear wasn't about a child teddy bear it was five foot tall and it was to all intents and purposes real and I [ __ ] it real good but let me ask you this when you were going through your teenage years what did you have sex with well not I was surprisingly not very all boys had sex with something I think they're bad the most I did I was very I would if I would have cared that as losing my virginity and we say satanic man yeah and I would have been been to support is a very good boy that what out there was a it was a condom machine in there's a condom machine in there in the local pub that we went to when we were 14 you [ __ ] that no if you twist it in a certain way free condoms came out okay wait and then sometimes free money and we worked out this for a glorious period of about two weeks we go in there and like a couple of quid would come out and we'd get four or five get some condoms I wasn't gonna have sex five oh yes these are now sort of out of date by the time I ever got a chance to use them but I had a stash of condoms thank God if my parents had ever found those had like five or six packs of condoms and I used to have a posh wank every now and again into one of them that was that was it do you not find that your hands smell tough - its though yeah yeah and I flushed it down the toilet which is a big mistake isn't it I'd say well cause they can mix they can blow up in there in the sewers and block the toilets they can they can spank ya don't flush him down the toilet I didn't know that I thought that was standard practice I'll tell you this yeah when I was a young man and me and friend who I name it wasn't to build a cheese it was a different friend when we were sort of very early to like 12 13 and we were looking at a racy magazine he was staying over at my mum's and we were looking at racing magazine together and it sort of became an unspoken agreement after we looked at the saucy magazine that when the lights went off we would pleasure ourselves yeah and so I did and finished yeah and then I was lying there in the dark and I left it like about five ten minutes and I went right and I just heard this finished and then I had to just lie there [Music] I don't think I don't know whether it's I don't think it's funny but I think it's the hardest I think it's the hardest I've ever laughed when I was teaching the the the tooth there was the school I taught her I had this idea of inviting all of the teachers and the heads over from our neighboring school so we could share good practice which is [ __ ] horseshit who who [ __ ] cares this teach the children shut up and it was in our own time is this awful so I was with the friend we were both heads of department was who with a friend at the back and he had started this story I don't think it's funny so we had like 50 members of all heads of Department and the governor's and the two heads from the schools and it was also a few practice our schools we do this and I just wanted to kill myself and I know it sir there was a woman in my friend's department who had one of those flask mugs that you just you know the you just hope and have a sip of and then you can close them to keep your coffee hot and she is he was mad and I was watching her opening and closing a little thing and there were tears of boredom running down my face and I looked over at one of the guys from the other school and he had a watch on like a really big metal watch and it looked like a cross section of her flask mug and I just wrote my friend a note saying looks like these two cuts have been shopping in the same place and I gave it to him and he went and then we carried on listening and then he just noticed him you know it's the blast bug and the guys watch and he just went and it was a room it was like this it was a room with at least 50 to 100 people in it all listening to some want the front going is you know the best thing we can do is to look at the way our curriculums reflect the needs of the children and I made you sweat I went quiet and the guy was talking the front way [Laughter] that's that story was really delicious yeah we did I did talking [ __ ] was my station was translating to loads of different languages yeah and like some of them did like very faithful adaptations and someone just wrote their own show and so why have you paid I don't own the rights to jokes about penises that's it and so we went to like one plot I went with my director to Denmark or something like that and this guide completely changed the show and it was all we're just going to see your own show in lots of languages you didn't understand and he it was all like songs parody songs of Eminem and stuff like that you know it's just so far away from what I was doing and then there was a really really put us right on the front row so he's looking you have a ghost comedy way of approach to your convictions right in the front row so we having to sit there what I'm like my was just like this is kind of insulting you've brought me to Denmark to watch not my show being done in a foreign language I can't understand anyway and you know he kept on smiling over at me and stuff and then they started doing he started doing like a really sick with suddenly went in the mood changed it was really serious and he started singing something to the tune of send in the clowns of me my direct said just would just kill you just like everyone's client and it was basically oh it's funny now what the show was like this celebration men and women and working together with this [ __ ] song about day it was so like we just it's so painful yeah oh when I when I was teaching my friend and it is Bobo cheese we were at the the Christmas what's it called there you know Christmas service the carol service yeah we'd spent the whole time in the hymns underlining certain parts of words to make like knob and dick and we were crying with laughter and then later I came out and I saw him balling a child and he was going okay how dare you come into the house of God disrespect messing around ahem sheet is hand with dick the light it's pretty bad so what teachers do [Laughter] right well yeah yeah just leave it then Julie it's been lovely to have you back Greg I do check out Netflix view magnificent Beast which he is you see his tummy in it it's nice yeah even though you're 50 I'm not you know that's what I really not ruling out my wife's in the audience she won't mind is it is it cheating to have sex with Greg Davies sadder unless I'm not sure it is I just want to do it so at some point [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] hey that was good was me did you enjoy it I hope you did I had a lot of fun on that one I do remember you can get b-52 from viki.com slash for her Lester per eight free craft beers and just pay package you're posting and then you can join in with the rest of it or not and please buy my book emergency questions if you like podcast loads of podcasts I've got books out this year and it would be great for all of us if you like that progress to buy their book and prove to the world of publishing that they are investing their money in the right place then you don't have to pay for anything because we'll all be billionaires that's my pitch buy that book thank you very much for watching see you like you [Music] as like them sky potato you

Channel: Richard Herring

Views: 428,139

Rating: 4.8630066 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: vjRGHcbhTP8

Length: 85min 8sec (5108 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 21 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Kiddley]

I love Richard Herrings podcasts. Its a wonderfully stupid and casual time with comedians. No real point or proper themed discussion, just an hour and a half having a discussion with comedians which is just basically getting more content from them!

Because of that we end up getting so many stupid stories, the end of this podcast with the Motor Neuron disease story cracked me the fuck up. Wouldn't have found that out anywhere else.

[u/ChrisMMatthews]

55:56 - Taskmaster chat begins

58:25 - Wang confession and Gilbert denial

(Edit: mobile formatting)

[u/Vercci]

Of course he wasn't playing favorites with Rhod. If Rhod dropped the picture gag he would have had a great shot at #1. Only behind the #1 spot by about 10 points, and he consistently came last during the prize tasks due to it.

[u/gazza3478]

I didn't think he showed favouritism towards Rhod. It felt a lot more even between the contestants compared to last series too imo.

[u/numberonealcove]

I thought Phil was fine. Funny. Not everyone goes in to win. Not everybody should.

[u/nelsonbestcateu]

There are people who take the scores on this show seriously?

[u/scottrobertson]

Everyone, make sure you watch Alex Horne on this podcast a few weeks ago too.

[u/decentlyconfused]

I still don’t think he was harsh on Phil. I just always felt that Phil’s approach and humor just didn’t work for the show.

[u/okem]

This may become a bit of an issue for Greg if this talk continues. Obviously the part of the taskmaster is somewhat reliant on him being belligerent towards the contestents and his point scoring can often be pretty arbitrary, maybe because of that he can easily tip over into something a little more unwanted like favouritism. Jessica pointed out at the start of this series that 'her Dad said Greg favours the men' and there's some truth to it. The worst case was probably Noel Fielding (who won), on several occasions Greg gave him random bonus points, once simply for “being cool”. This series Kerry and Rhod definitely seemed to get an easier ride than the others, Phil especially.