Charlie Brooker - RHLSTP #268

hi there welcome to another Prahalis tapper this week we're with Charlie Brooker yes it's a weird time at the moment I hope you're all getting through it okay we've had to cancel lots of gigs so it makes it slightly tough for us to get through this however long it's going to be you can support us in lots of ways you can become a monthly badge to go faster Stratcom slash badges you can follow me on twitch twitch TV / RK herring you can subscribe to that twitch channel either paying some money or using your Amazon Prime free subscription to send us some money there will be some stuff up there if not yet pretty soon we'll start broadcasting some things you could just listen to the podcast with the ads in them if you could listen to more than that of those than usual go back over the back catalogue or even just tell your friends to do that that will provide us with some revenue which we will need to get us through this difficult time now we've lost lots of your ticket money and so much more so we'll be fine I'll be fine there's lots of people to look out for and do try and support your tribe and your community in whatever ways you can as we try to get through to the other side of this living nightmare hopefully if you're at home the focus will provide you some fun and laughs to help us help you through and yeah if there's any little things you can do in terms of going to go foster stripe and you can buy it all three emergency questions books for 20 quid or you can buy a pack of trumps all that money gets fed back into the podcast if you buy some DVDs or downloads that money goes to me I think I'll be okay to be honest but we do have to look at for everyone and yeah it's a weird time so I hope you're doing this podcast there's a lot of fun with great to get Charlie back on so sit back relax and enjoy Rahula stop ha with Charlton bracha [Music] [Music] ladies and gentlemen welcome to Leicester Square theatre please welcome a man who wishes he was still at school it's Richard Harry [Applause] forgot my book again second week around [Applause] terrible welcome to Richard herrings leotarded and slip trying on podcast after the after the success of last week's slipper lady slipper trying on podcast thought I'd try on just just lay it out with the women the the unwashed leotards and slips I've met all women such fine well women or men maybe and then it's difficult to think of those it's harder than you think as I was talking to chorten than the wheelies the other day literally turning into Peter K saw this happening there's no there's not even any officer not even the satire about is just it is just it and Fenella the cattle which calls it rehearse to precise this wearing me to t-shirt my guest I guess it always at me to t-shirts a bit weird [Laughter] [Applause] it's a snooker base that you wouldn't understand hasn't had the kind of success with podcasts iPads there's the last time he was on and so yeah all the time doing this week you think of the week that since the last week show loads of things this morning I did a really long week that's why that's my news like really long honestly I drank a couple of soft drinks not as much as I thought though and I went to the Wii and I was having a Wii and I was going on I thought this is going on a long time and it was constant is a constant thick stream of urine not there was no drips it was just and it wasn't gonna go over anything it's those days apart but it was going into the toilet and it got I knew literally another minute and a half from when I thought this was a long way it was still going strong never seen anything like it if anyone could diagnose what that is let me know this sounds quite bad if that's good right that's over 52 year old man be older we like that I was gonna bring nice McWhirter up get him to come and verify you have to get at the beginning so he can time it from the start when he's alive as well that's the D up living so to those two things that's what makes it difficult so that's all that's happening this week so let's back home we've got an amazing guest returning guest seven and a half years since he was last and since I last saw him although he did see the back of my head when we both went to see a live action show of Bing which people hate he made up I didn't see him but he was watching the back of my head all the time like a creeper here man he was we're both there with that kid so it was fine uh he is probably best known as the pundit in the games Republic with Trevor and swagman ladies and gentlemen please welcome Charlie Brooker ladies ever okay I like it I like it it was a good back of your head show I was watching their football match for some of that performance well yeah because it was on in the afternoon at the exact time with having England versus a marine it was won we won five near the England won five nil and whatever the recent covers I'm not that into football but it was what you were watching although there was my fat my phone on the seat next to me and watched about five minutes my wife said that is incredibly rude they're all in costumes they cuz did you have to buy your kids one of those spinny things that they were selling I did you notice that I didn't say those what were they you didn't see those kids were holding these spinning I don't know what the [ __ ] it was it was like a spinny thing with LEDs or no it was modern and add my kids well it was my daddy my daughter then I think and she was young enough not to understand that you get to be poor things plus you don't care you near the front I know cause like what was on the seat next to me was fine it was a good show I think Pam don't I think Pando should have been executed at the end that's their that's their that's fairly change I'd make I don't know how many people have seen Bing all of them they're big fans of read the room bacon if I came in here they say there is the world outside safe that's less so I have you so many podcasts what I like the fact that baby has a miserable time yeah all the time like every episode he's like pisses himself for it shits himself or like no not see I don't think that's happened have you seen the one where he killed was a butterfly yeah evil little prick I still probe depan dope and oh I don't like Bing is has something about thing that's likable no I don't like the fact that in Bing it took me a long time to work out that the adults were little yeah in Bing and the children are big you know is that what's going on it's not clear what's going on there's stuffed toys basically that look a bit like the animal that they're looking after yeah are the the guardians of the children yeah there are theories that all that aughts are dead or that all the kids are dead and that they're just living in some kind of I don't know I assume it meant to be a bit like peanuts you know that the peanuts cartoons well you never saw the adults and they just want I'm not sorry I don't have good what they talk about I assume it's meant to be like that but I find you can see him though and then they talk so it's nothing like it's very strange but enjoyable and as I was telling you backstage yeah I'm slightly distracted constantly by the fact that bings dad yeah fly is voiced by Mark Ryland who is once in a film where you saw his penis as he had under simulated sex on camera just sex cameras on simulated sex it's still sex isn't it I mean see me it's just sex I mean sometimes I've had similar simulated sex off-camera did you simulate how do you simulate a sex I suppose you do yeah yeah why did I bring that I don't know he adds a new dimension to Bing if you're imagining flop there it is badly named bad things happen yeah all the time that the memory of that must be skipping let's move on and since I haven't funded the brumis for longest what's the longest we you've ever done mine was about three allowed I'd say at least three minutes of constant wing today is that possible well I would have said before this morning and I said no are you sure that you're I would assume if your wing for three minutes yes I reckon it probably takes two minutes to empty your bladder yeah after that it's probably brain fluid it could be semen I might just have been really enjoying heaven they're actually there's not much that can come down that pipe no there's a thing that's like a railway there's a little there is this a little divides though some people dispute this there's I've when I read a book called talking [ __ ] and a show called talking couples and they and in order to keep Ewing away from sperm because urine would kill sperm sperm anyone we up a man you'll be fine I don't think this what you have to do don't look at you you've never had sex today you ever just want to kill the sperm you've just went onto the floor just we sometimes I get someone back we have quite a more in-depth kind of this one seems more childish than last them even lifetime you could you could build a sort of that you masturbating and then you just kill those sperm like you could really test which was the great the best sperm by having a cousin of an assault course they had to get over urine that they had to get round and the ones that got to the end of that without being getting we on them you could say right that's the best boiled egg put him in the test tube very much died do you remember being the be had remember brings upon me in games Republic I do remember when the public it we'd Lee yeah so I did it I did a thing the other week where I was talking to some people on a retro video gaming podcast okay which is and they brought up but games with Trevor and Simon so it's very present in my life at the moment no when I wit must have been I remember that it was the they were all filmed in one day and it was the day that there was a solar eclipse which was like a weird harbinger of doom I had to it was a show that was a bit like Gamesmaster starring Trevor and Simon and they asked me on because I knew about computer games and I had to dress as a I had a dress as a monk and I had to commentate on the old games master and sure I don't know how old everyone actually quite old yeah they're old so you remember Gamesmaster yeah okay [ __ ] that hold and so people would commentate on like kids would pay streetfighter us on that it was a bit like that my job was to commentate as kids played video games most of which I hadn't seen so I didn't actually know what I was talking about and they were they think they filmed about 32 episodes in one day and that my main memory is two things one that there was a solar eclipse yeah about lunchtime and everyone was allowed to go outside and watch that and the other was that when they filmed the first episode I think it was Trevor rather than Simon yeah came out and went welcome to that like you've read they read something incorrectly off the auto kids let's do it again and they said no in the gallery and he had to continue so as she went because it was soap they had so many episodes [Music] 1999 but that moves at the 99 solar flips solarek I was in Edinburgh that so I think I remember it good that's all that's all I wanted to ask you about that's all that's happened the last several half years so it has been quite an exciting seven and a half years for you since you were last on this pop custard if you say so yeah well things have moved on I was I was empty so interesting to see people at them it's the like parks I didn't see you at being so it's the last time I saw you in the flesh I think was in this podcast yeah I mean and when someone's become very successful and got onto something that's a worldwide smash I'm kind of interested to see if they've changed of you know the episode of The Young Ones proved where they can prove you know the episode of The Young Ones where they get rich and and Rik Mayall go to his hair goes really who cares we don't want yeah I'm watching the young ones at the Mayo with my children okay making them watch the young ones oh we haven't quite got to make them watch Bambi yes that's the best yes season two up so it's season 2 episode 1 yeah they watch that the other day and the five year old I thought should he watch Vivian's and I decide so we haven't quite reached the one where Vivian does a big fart I can't stop where he thinks he's pregnant is that might be yeah I think it is right I just really like when Rik Mayall became rich that is the way they signified that was his hair was just really does hair really up in there so I was hoping you would come and your hair would be really up in the air and your change doing I think it's about the same as that I think it's best slightly higher in the air that it was last time you hear I need a slight cut here yeah I go and get it cut a place now where they do they do your ears okay where they stick a flaming bit of cotton wool in your ears yeah that done no I'd like to pull out pull out I can still pull out my yeah no you go to a place now and they say do it was one of those it was one of those slightly [ __ ] looking their grooming rooms yeah which is a bit sounds a bit Jeffrey Epstein yeah but it was her hair took kids grooming right yeah okay I've seen that one actually shown sinister and I got my hair cut I have to say it was very good very good but the end the man said like do you do you want me to move I didn't hear what he said and I went yes yeah also I was embarrassed and didn't say what the [ __ ] was that yeah and he put a bit of cotton wool on a wire and he dipped it in something and he set fire to it and then he went Wow set fire to all the hairs in my ears that can't be good for you you'd think that but then weirdly once you've had a haircut where that's happened if they don't do that yes so you things have changed it's been an enormous success black mirror which we do you did start it the last time you're on but well I think so hang on so I remember so the last time I was on it was about seven and a half years yeah 2012 I remember at the time so my eldest kid yeah was a little baby and it was in the middle of a heat wave I was terrified because it was the middle of a heat wave and I thought everything by what the son was doing breeze of paranoia I remember thinking it's so hot that he might die oh god yeah yeah like because yeah that's you spend a lot of time so he'll worry especially with the firstborn you spend a lot of time work so I remember being feeling slightly guilty the whole time I was here thinking yeah what if he just cooks affect you before that constant fear but we've done we've done some black mirror so you've done some but it was still on Channel four they're still on Channel four and so like they'd switch to Netflix which obviously I mean either we don't need to get into the whole mechanics of only we sort of slightly well they cancel dance with us it's crazy that you just done the one with Jon Hamm and everything and when they canceled it was really councilís they said it was weird we had a meeting where they said it was the morning that we were showing the Christmas one that we did to the press and they said okay by the way we don't really we don't think we've really got the money to continue to go and get some money from the Ameri and you can continue doing this party what we are doing we are doing this anthology show based on philip k dick stories so if you play your cards right maybe you could write one of those and I'm not good in meetings generally Annabelle who's the co showrunner I always have to check with her yeah what's going on I came out of the meeting going I'm angry is that is that right and she was like and yeah they basically effectively sort of soso so we were quite aggrieved later on when we went to Netflix that there was some assumption that we just chased them that they waived some banknotes at us and we'd gone let's go and do this for the Americans but really it was because channel 4 channel 4 who to be fair also commissioned here in the first place and let's do it yes yeah but it seems like they're I mean the the obviously production values went up quite Stephanie you're making like movies every range we're making six movies a year sometimes with these things yeah like motion of that length some of them are not yeah some of them are 90 minutes long I have to be slightly careful sometimes that because I'm aware that there's a thing called streaming bloat streaming bloat yeah is when you're writing a show for a streaming network and so when you're writing for like channel 4 something about you know this has got to be 43 minutes long to be an hour and so you're put in I I would literally write in end of part one and a part two and it was quite good psychologically when you're writing to think oh I only have to go up to the end of part one and that I can go and play on the PlayStation on a streaming service you don't have the restriction of a schedule so you can get in the Edit for any sort of hour-long drama you're doing on on on a commercial channel on a broadcast channel there's always a bit where everyone says you can't possibly cut this bit out it would be but losing a limb but actually it usually improves where you don't have necessarily that pressure so so that's a long-winded way of saying yes some of them I tried to make some shorter yeah as well doesn't matter how long they're to come up with that many I did you know when the preeminent you did three in this last series there was a special but the previous series that there was five or six wasn't worth there was six we did two seasons of six then we did seems like an often is mainly you writing yeah so it's quite it's quite a long yeah and there's on a proper job it's not like a milk round the people still do development yeah but now it's middle-class I don't mean doing it having a the milkman come to your house well I am middle-class organic milk yes is it [ __ ] like almond bits just trial it's a cow's milk two cows in yeah it's organic it's organic my wife was milking yeah which I hope is rough [Laughter] no so we did yes we did two seasons of six then we did an interactive one yes and then we did three because originally the interactive one was part of that it was just one episode in a season yeah if you sir I mean and so we but quite quickly it became apparent that it was really and that we couldn't do six episodes and that if you sued me yeah it also had so we that's why we did three again some people said we were lazy so much got time to watch it all because this is not part of a series you know it's they're all different and they all stand alone so it is much more difficult them right once you've got something up and running you got the characters it's a little bit easier to write and knock out a few of them but you've got to come up there strong ideas yeah well although it is it's difficult and it's and it's liberating in that because if you because you don't have to because you don't have to worry about bolongo you so you don't have the thing of thinking our [ __ ] we introduced this whole thing with a [ __ ] driving instructor or ever like episode one I don't want to do that but I have to write that out so in that respect it's liberating and you can change the tone but you're right it's obviously a it's an in terms of difficult jobs is up there clearly with firefighting yeah I mean very in many ways I like to think we are the ultimate heroes modesty the fire is it's real right and is there you know what you'd have to do to put out so that's pretty easy [ __ ] brain-dead spray water whereas what you do is what you do is imaginary that's harder you could have imagined the thing the fires as well imagine a fire to death you'd have to a imagine it happening and then imagine it going out that is an imaginary fire yeah fire and then they'd have to imagine a way for it to disappear that's hard were a real father believe it was a real fight trying to imagine our existence that's not gonna work so what I'm saying is you're better than all firemen no I said that first and this is one of those podcasts where occasionally it makes headlines so if it's like that I said to all firefighters are cowards compared to me is that the sort of thing that that is the sort of thing that I will just how does it cont would take a context and rundas a thing well I'm gonna be that kind of going to take out of context and just run that as the podcast just over and over again you know me go Charlie calm down sure no stop saying over and over what are you crazy the firemen do a great job and the WIPP firefighters firemen those stupid cosplayers stupid hat so we talk specifically but would talk about someone's stuff but let me talk specifically about few episodes striking Vipers was the game the one where the guys started playing a video game yeah I'm very interested in ways that I'm allowed to cheat on my wife the ante so this is very I was very interested in this episode okay because is it cheating to have sex with your best friend if your characters in a video game while you're doing it well what's the data sort of perhaps the show we did have a long debate yeah when we were working out what goes on in their episode as to whether they would actually ejaculate it's physically in the room and what we settled on was to dodge the issue yes I think it is yeah it was pretty intense for those guys they were actually having sexual intercourse with each other yeah in the machine though it's just like wanking into a tube and it is their use their imagine if it's it's like wanking into a tube or your friend is the gym oh so that's cheating now is it also you could boil all sector banking in to achieve the base it's an interesting idea so basically don't sorry yeah you're not allowed to do that those weren't gay and they were so they're not they weren't gay but they were having sex heterosexual sex within the game yeah so you know if I was you know say for instance a bum Stewart Lee and threw threw him in the Internet my wife could be upset about that good she I mean I've been this every week I'd be appalled and describing the worse off from that how was it come about I mean he would he would be bumming me let's face it I know my price played a computer game together did he critique the computer when I lived in his house for a little while I bought a bonus like it must have been a Playstation or something and I bought a spiky like spider-man so I bought a spider-man game for him to play and he never played it because he likes the comics despite of energy to impress so I thought he might enjoy playing that if I'm staying at his house for free you know let play and he never even played it was never I mean I was I wasn't that interested in video games it's interesting I was listening to add a Buxton's podcast with you which I wish I hadn't because I want to talk about all the same things as he did when I talked about shooting a lot yeah I've got lots more to say but although we you know we I guess guys about our generation all have the same experience well we are almost like it's almost identical all the stuff of the game video games the obsession with nuclear war you know playing your first but everyone remembering playing their first either TV connected little video game run ping of pong and playing space ping ping ping ping bomb space admin playing space invaders the cliff hotels you know my friend Phil fry I've never been take the cliff folder so all those things and they say buh-bye sort of think I got too complicated for me I nearly failed my own levels because I was playing football manager Kevin Thomas films yeah I've been in touch with Kevin Thomson more recent yeah because I mentioned a couple times so he emailed me and assembly he sent me a simulation case we came to complicated for me and so did video games I'm into pinball which you're into well you've got a pinball machine what pinball machine if you go shall i lord it over you yeah I've got to know they're broken them and I've got the twilight zone oh yeah it's good ball machine and the Simpsons pinball part okay but they're both broken as my children Adams family is the best one yeah that's meant to be a very no I think you'll find the twilight zone is a bit I prefer and also I'd like the time zones okay but thematically is good for you Adams families based on the film where everyone's dead I've never seen the film the pinball machine I think the I generally think the Adams family pinball is the greatest achievement of mankind I genuinely genuinely believe that the synthesis all those things that come together it's the perfect game it's a mate their pimples machine is an amazing thing and that's the perfect machine is a brilliant thing it's sort of it's a it's a it's extremely extravagant thing yeah like to exist isn't it yeah point this yeah anyway thats the pinball all right let's somewhere a bit more black mirror well they well let's talk about Bandersnatch I wonder with Bandersnatch this is the role playing with the one well but not role-playing the one where you could choose your own adventure and I went through every single possible possible way to find out what everything that could happen I think hmm was it it must have been quite complex to write it and did you have lots of stuff that you had in that show that didn't make it into that fun yes and yes so originally the way it was written was so we started out in her head we were trying to come up with a storyline on a flow chart which we were drawing on a whiteboard and then I was like we need a bigger flow chart there must be some software that does the flow chart that you can do on a computer and you could zoom out we looked into that and then it's like oh no hang on a minute I want it to be able to remember things you've done and so I had to learn this programming language called twine which is relatively straightforward in terms it's like HTML or something like that so it's I used to do HTML in the 90s so it was sort of relatively straightforward in terms of that sort of thing but it did mean that I had to write when you're writing a script it it's helpful to write the outline of the story first and so I wrote the story outline first in twine and it would crash when I try to run it that was the first sign that I shouldn't have bothered because it it crashed and then I started writing the the script in that it got more and more complicated and what was weird is usually when you're writing a script you all know this you're writing a script and it's sort of like sometimes you hit a point where you get into it and it gets longer and longer and this got sort of longer horizontally as well as vertically and that was a bit strange and I was sending emails to Annabel who's the coach over on her going yeah it's got sort of fatter and I don't think she understood what the [ __ ] I was on about and originally the one thing that frustrates me about weirdly a lot of my original coding that I did ended up in the final thing because Netflix are so [ __ ] clever they invented this whole bit of software that we could sort of literally kind of import my code and the script into that we could then drop video clips into so some of the stuff that plays on the service is actually based on little logic [ __ ] gates effectively that I was setting up but originally it had a puzzle that was much more central to the whole thing it was more it was structured like an escape room so the idea was you'd get stuck until you solved a central puzzle but we did some tests and it turned out people didn't understand a central puzzle at all so we had to sort of lop it out okay and so that's slightly meant that people wandered around a bit looking for the exit yeah near the end but then that's I like anyone you only ever see the [ __ ] floors and problems and things work well it worked like quite magically into like technically as well I was very pleased with how it all functioned as well on the on the because it's basically a it's a film and a game that's running on something that isn't a console yeah and so it all worked quite magically that was quite it's actually quite moving to the geek in me when it then when I saw it working for the first time I was like because I assumed it would have a big gap like sort of FMV games of the 90s yeah that's quite a that's a very old man thing we're allowed to say old men things we're seven half years older than we were several of years that's the thing you do that you realize it's very old Manish I mean like forget everything that's happened I can't I can't I can watch programs like about if six months later can watch the same program again remember anything that may that might be having young kids though ya know there's there yeah so it's hard to know whether I've got Alzheimer's disease or just children interchange which is preferable well at least that will be in our medical diagnosis would least you'd get more sympathy yeah ya know so it was it was it was it was a very um it was a weird thing to work on and I was I was also pleased that we for something that was like this big sort of because and then and and to be a Netflix said to us are you've got to be they wanted it to be very experimental and us to try lots of things that they haven't done before with their and I was pleased that you'd think really the if Netflix were doing this big interactive movie for grown-ups that it would be a bit like a Bond movie yes instead the centerpiece of our thing was really somebody going into a WH Smith and buying a computer game and I did four well categories playing on the in-store stereo so I was quite pleased that we managed to make things that mundane and they set up like the shop in various places around the country I saw one in London Bridge or someone like that it was late yeah they set one up that was actually like that like going onto the set of the the fake WH Smith was probably one of the best experiences I've had on set but it's sort of a perverse level of like that's like being god isn't it like I wish WH Smith still exists he's like a deed in 1984 I don't care about the story just make that happen it would be an interesting thief that was the first thing that sprung to mind I can do anything I'll make that I'm aw Swiss and that's all I could think of what's good though I never I mean no I never know well it's but it's really because you obviously were TV critic and you were a sort of fan of comedy before you did comedy or you were somebody watch comedy and yeah was critical of it shaft at the telly sort of things there's probably more jealous of comedy than critical of it right so it's probably more critical of other things but I would watch and I think I'm probably tended to be a bit more guarded when I was if I was writing TV columns about comedy I probably tended to be a bit more cowed by the fact that it was like people doing things I probably wished I could do yeah but you know but you don't want being a fans like as well so I think with the fans of Black Mirror it's they're hard to please right so that I think that you know there'll be ones where the fans that are less happy with I don't I think it's weird because each episode is different it is the case that you get people who are specific fans of specific ones and so it's sort of like we're slightly inoculated against that whenever people say oh you've done it like we got some sticking that we did we did one recently that where we did what we had we didn't ever say that Miley Cyrus in it yeah some people like well this is like a Disney movie and the point is with we're always trying to do something that's a little bit different the last episode so so you're wrong well people are gonna like everything but that's I think it's when you get fans like that over it happens a comedy it happens with sci-fi and this is sort of bridging those two worlds a little bit no it's not really a full-on comedy show there's certainly comedy elements in it but comedy fans and sci-fi fans are very protective of yeah you know and I've experienced that when those old comedy forums that kind of sprung up in the late nineties that we know they if they like you then one day and then they turn against you and I've experienced that from the other side because that oh you know I would the same with when the young ones tried to do something when Rik Mayall did the New Statesman I was you're like how dare you how dare you work with those guys do a traditional set go I know exactly weirdly because it's dead that Rick Mills been on my mind because I've been watching the The Young Ones with my kids and he's so [ __ ] brilliant isn't it in that like in The Young Ones in particular is like I was I find it quite weird how many not just the words but the sound of the words that I remember the whole hands up who likes me that's the one we saw the other day and it's that's that's a bit wit because I hadn't seen it for probably at least a decade yeah well I realized how many things they say in that that I still say today it's my sort of go-to for being funny around the house I've just stolen from a show again for our generation it was such a massive that was our Monty Python you know that was that was that that was it was sort of Punk it was comedy in it do your kids want you to belong they for my daughter's started to watch there's a kids youtube yes as you start watch that little [ __ ] [ __ ] of wrapping presents she hasn't found out yet does it there's a little that's not the name of the check it's a kid yeah who Brian right if you google him he's like one of the richest people on earth but I'm not even joking he unwraps presents on huge east 7 yeah 8 years old his parents started this channel and now he's got his own range of toys that he unwraps and sells and we want on the holiday and our five-year-old suddenly said from the back of this car we'd hired can we go to Target and I was like can we go to Target so how do you know what Target Ryan Ryan's toys are on sale in Target can I get some of Ryan's toys from Target can I get sort of I was like no and it immediately was like they want Ryan unwrapping toy so that was why I started showing them things not the young ones like a desperate old man you don't have to watch somebody unwrapping [ __ ] toys and the other day so as I understand I think legally this is all right to say Ryan I read you've called him a [ __ ] nothing is alien to be fair Ryan isn't the [ __ ] it's society it's good system surrounding Ryan as a company so because Ryan is 7 yeah he doesn't know but but there is a dead look at his eyes he's pitching his own products with his own face on which he wasn't when he was a [ __ ] who's pretty much [ __ ] pitching things as he was being bald yeah basically as far as there's one video early on where he's got a temperature and his parents are running around going on Ryan's too ill to do a podcast or like a [ __ ] video today how ill is he and they mentioned to spin a good ten minutes out of him having fever but no sort of things saying that said Ryan's toy review is being is under investigation by some American like standards whatever it needs like basically that he's been promoting things and not declaring the payment okay for declare I mean it's obvious watch it potatoes I bow they've given me this huge hotel no reason and so I walked into her and our five-year-old was there and I said with delight I said Ryan I see Ryan's in trouble with the place [Laughter] the problem was he was immediately like upset and shocked why and I said well Berg and then I had to sort of like back down a bit oh it's to do with the sauce it's like a commercial thing anybody gonna go to prison don't worry they don't they don't put children in prison don't can still open presents in prison though that still worked the people who created baby shark worth ninety billion dollars yeah baby shot like a fat earnings another American family like I have cartoons on there the first time my daughter would she was just what you couldn't really speak she started singing that but she was singing Christmas shark because it was a Christmas version of it and we couldn't understand what the hell she was talking about Christmas sack Christmas sock we'd never heard that's ours introduce such [ __ ] [ __ ] don't we have little children oh I've got to I've got two boys five and seven the seven year old is much more into sort of video games actually then he'll watch like he'll watch dantdm who I approve of and he'll watch FG TV abusing this it's a family game today but I had to do a whole coop because I did a thing of walking in like a grumpy old man go what's this rubbish you're all watching these idiots these people are idiots you should be watching old things on television like me you should be watching old people's things why can't you watch a program an old program with things that I earned stand and and I remember sort of saying these people are idiots and idiots and scam and they're horrible and then they look so well I probably did call them scum and they looked kind of wounded and I thought oh actually maybe I should actually I've just walked here I'm Darth Vader I'm a [ __ ] so I've sort of what I sat down and what I'm actually so I thought oh I see why you're I what you're getting at this actually these people are quite mean this is not like me so these people are quite engaging and creative and you're just playing a computer game and chatting and actually it's quite nice and you get your fun and wholesome I did prove and so I did turn round to my kids and say I was wrong Wow they say this [ __ ] GTV filling uh I don't like the ones where you get a youtuber who like films of [ __ ] swimming pool for the balls or something have you seen that giant maybe I'm just a terrible parent well like they haven't really been quite good at restricting them for we just like don't put the internet on the iPad so they can't really get into it I'm done any of their incidents on every device in our what it really is and like I can't stop you know you watching something if you get that if they're on the internet and then suddenly go what the hell is this thing you watching it won't be watching this alright guys really weird foreign programs that you can't you know they can't sounds to me like this would broaden their mind but this weight like this foreign mouth they're watching these foreign swarthy men British shows for British kids this alone could market a very racist nationalist kid show for kids in this day and age it is actually Tommy Robinson's big Tommy Robinsons that sounds like a little kids character Nick Tommy little Tommy Robinson and Ronnie Fidel it does he definitely sounds friendlier than he [Laughter] he's [ __ ] terrifying yeah what he is terrifying I have the same reaction when is it because like so I just assumed he would put my wife and kids in a death camp so I'd like which I also believe of Morrissey yes so if I go I go running occasionally now and it I've got like old like playlists I've set up but if the Smiths come on I'm immediately thinking us you'd put my family so death which goes actually with the family [Laughter] sorry I don't know how it got onto that we did it we did a black mirror where it hinged at the end it plays a Smith's track and right afterwards I was reading about how all right Morrissey is gone and I was like he's probably got lots of money and I'm out the clearance we had to pay yes it's true that's the thing that I worry is you get old then that happens to people that you know and that you're nearly the same age as many people who've gone like Morrissey not as bad as Morrissey but a Greek people just start it just start edging that way toward so they don't these people say Oh brexit if we find in five years times all the people who voted for brakes it'll be dead but no because all the people who were five years younger and hadn't gone mental and right-wing yet will have gone mental and right-wing and now be wrecks that's not it's not how it works it's not like every people get older and they get more right-wing and weird and start you know somebody would just keep his mouth shut because of who is fans oh I don't think people got as right-wing as they are now I don't I think I think people would be politely racist yeah wouldn't they in ye oldie days people would sort of say well I'm here they like older people would have been politely racist in private Barry Rosen now they're trying to monetize it as a brand yeah and just being a [ __ ] it's all right isn't it to be a [ __ ] yeah well that's a it's a it's a viable career but one that I intend to move in do I know it's I don't know it but you know it's because it me right or have the comes been rolling a six for about five years pumps have been rolling a six I had Frank cultural voice on in Liverpool who's the guy who wrote who had co-wrote the opening ceremony to the Olympics obviously and I had a theory with him that they all the [ __ ] saw that and thought right we're not having this and so I'm blaming Frank cultural boys for the way things are gone because we just made it too nice or it's the Hadron Collider yeah that they switched on yeah and some countries came out but [ __ ] have been rolling a safe yeah so I keep thinking well the console stopped rolling a six they can't I mean they can't which is the gamblers fallacy isn't it you can forget but also eventually the problem is that every time the controller six they get a bit eventually they can steal your dice yeah that's the grim if we're in a multiverse we're just happened to be in the in the universe where they are so it's just all falling their way this last six sounds like a comforting thought yeah [ __ ] led to the goose like this one well it's like a series of things happen that we're all about fifty-fifty and it will went slightly the wrong every little decisions keep that simple yeah loaded dice yeah probably turn out it's good for you in it when it goes wrong no no it isn't and I remember being so we both grew up as we've established with both trauma tourists by growing up in the eighties yeah when you'd sort of think almost could be a nuclear I've seen threads there's gonna be a nuclear war and then you'd watch something like spitting image and think oh it's alright there's adults who think this is all crazy and so it's a bit that's a bit comforting but I remember one we did we did a 2016 end of year show and I nearly didn't do it because I thought this is too depressing to do and also I was in the position of thinking Oh the position now of being the person who's doing the thing that the funny satirical thing on TV that reassures people and I'm [ __ ] [ __ ] my pants so oh dear it's a bit like that moment you realize that teachers are busking it and all adults are making up if they go along it's like profoundly disturbing moment when you realize there's no help in God all reason so actually let's keep it light well we will do but I would just say of a nuclear war issue uh-uh-uh-uh-uh no did you not see then used to - oh is it a job who still yeah I saw that so that ya say so it's really fun this might be a nuclear war yeah well I think there will be I mean there definitely will be oh that's well that's not a legit yeah well if you just think about there's been so many times when it's nearly happened by accident there's the one where the Russian guy just went are there's nuclear bombs coming what I'm doing now is not gonna sound good no it's alright a second unscrewing a bottle okay that's something virtual reality sex with he's sucking off Chris Morrison in other room [Laughter] when you think about it there's going to be an accident like but when the Russian guy was there was some was that there was something where they thought that the missiles were coming from America and the guy said yeah I'm not gonna do it cuz cuz white also if it's happening if you're that guy you shouldn't do it cuz then there is a deterrent if someone attacks you there's no point in attacking a bats already happened so give the humanity I don't think we're the best nucleus five years ago all it takes is one and it's gonna happen in a hundred years either the reaction or somebody mad is gonna take over a country with nuclear weapons well yes exactly so you know that that's we've seen happen within five years it's definitely gonna happen by the engine well you know how quickly you get sort of used to that isn't it yeah you know frog sitting in a boiling pan of water sort of away like I remember you I think probably around Christmas 2016 I had a proper sort of like that was when so Trump it was just before he took office wasn't it he'd been elected but it was he was the president-elect and he started yammering on there blithely about nuclear missiles and I had a proper like this is it sort of moment and now I kind of have a false sense of calm about it because that was two years ago and he hasn't actually destroyed the world yet so I think I'll never happen when we try to the next two years Oh God yeah oh yeah well clearly yeah I mean what the [ __ ] is he gonna do is 2020 here actually why are we talking about something so please okay let's arrest something else gone away when you were born when you born your umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck let's talk about that that is true yeah I have those so I think so I've got a phobia about vomiting yeah and my little theory not being an expert in anything is that that's because I was apparently I was being choked when I was being born of that and I'm sure that's why I don't like the thought of spewing yeah or being strangled see it seems so you seem to take quite an affront to the idea no a body which is effectively a bit of intestine yes I did the first time the second time I was I was - it was the second one was really fast and there was no staff and I nearly delivered the baby myself [ __ ] it was in the hospital but that we were overworked right it was it was the foot it was a full moon and all the hospitals in London were full of people giving birth and they said that's a thing on a full moon people more often and there was there were there kept on not examining my wife because if they did they'd have had to find a room you know if she was dilated enough they'd have to do something about it so if they didn't look it was okay and then finally she was going I was she was very insistent on getting drugged the drugs and everything which we'd had the first time and yeah no I'll make sure you get that but you know they know what they're doing they won't and finally she's I can't find them and I couldn't find anyone and I was running around the hospital looking for someone a funny found they came up and they came back and she was so crowning in the waiting area it was the middle of the night and then they had to find there to take it down to try and find somewhere to deliver the baby we had to go in a lift but they weren't allowed to go in the lift until they found another Midwife in case she gave birth in the lift of the lift broke so we were waiting she was wheeled into basically a cupboard and gave birth so fast without drugs and I was just thinking [ __ ] [ __ ] she's gonna kill me she's gonna kill okay it came out he came out so fast it was Tara for sure that she was amazing and I just couldn't you didn't bother I said you want a cup of cordon away I don't want to go meet my wife because she she she grabs all of the scissors she'll stab him into my face but what I've let her go through she was so insistent I'm not feeling the pain it's terrifying but the birth of my daughter I was just hallucinating watching it her head came out when I first looked it was that big and then it was that big and then it was that big and I don't think they had changed sites but not like that it was like it was like [ __ ] it's like big of a faith so medicine ball and then almost is tiny it was big and white then it was tiny and black and it was I was really holy I think I was hallucinating or my daughter's some kind of superhero it's change babies come out like a basket no but they sort of couldn't squeeze their faces yeah with their breasts of their head both of ours were cesarean so it was like a magic trick where they put up a sheet and the first time the first time I remember being worried that having never really cared about children or babies or even been because they were unknowable they were like cows that you know they took just like people before people go look at my baby anything you know I didn't get them on some level and I was worried that I might be a bit like that and then they did the thing where they put the sheet up but they pumped my wife so full of drugs that when they brought the sheet down and they said here's the baby I was the one going and she went I'll do to Bowl them she was like vomiting as I was holding this baby like I was in the Lion King and it was a real magic trick they bring up something else other than a baby that way they say the second time they brought what just kidding your watch it's an interesting start like when you bought it then somebody was born up a treat there's like a big flood and then you born up a tree you know that's quite it's an unusual start to the sorry a woman gave birth in a tree as their floods were underneath what what do you get you don't stop giving birth because there's a big flood do you so there's a flood she managed to get into a tree and then she gave birth to a child in a tree who some woman where somewhere where there was a flood I was born in a tree I was born nearly Strang and he strangled myself to death as I was born ok that's a very Charlie Brooker thing innit yeah but I tried to escape this life I know what's coming in ready yeah you knew the life generally that's everything's a blur episode right yeah which is good it's been good that in terms of as the world has got weirder and the news has got weird people started going on it's all a bit black mirror about all sorts of things it's not just like if Toshiba would announce a [ __ ] robot chair that licks your bum please tell me more about this well toshiba have you know those Japanese toilets yes have you now Jeff Lloyd talked about them but I haven't used on myself not used when so a Japanese toilet which is a bit like a robot yeah you're sort of [ __ ] into our robots mouth if the if a toilet swallowed made of swallowing noise would you how'd you feel about that and they would say in this day and age you go it'd be like linked to a Fitbit and it would go you've carbohydrates you need too much butter that would be that would be disconcerning if no you know what if there was a toilet that the more nutritious your food was the more health of your meals were if you did a [ __ ] it went that would gamify the [ __ ] experience opportunity it's a good idea it is a good idea when people take photos of what they've eaten in a restaurant yeah shouldn't they all say the [ __ ] yeah well some people do there is there are websites where there but it should be a law like here's what it looked like he's the reality here you occasionally wonder but you want to smash down my card I want toast is the [ __ ] end result no need to apologize I think as long as that you know the thing is always in sci-fi the things go wrong the technology goes wrong this the robots become sentient as though there's that toilet or the sex become sentient as long as that toilet isn't actually sent in as long as the sex robot isn't sent in does matters it so you want the toilet to just be staring at think about it that's what a toilet is doing now if you imagine a toilet it's just a mute robot yeah but can't speak they've come give any kind of review of what you're that's what you're [ __ ] into now is the open end of a the throat of a robot yeah yeah why am I talking about toilets so I don't know okay but if if everything goes a bit black Mary it's good free publicity yeah that people keep saying all the worlds of all a bit black mirror and the news is all a bit black mirror so it's good on that level but it's also bad on a raw animal panic level yeah when I watch the news and think although weirdly I have become more optimistic okay hello I searched because I think well okay if the comforts keep rolling your sakes continue they only have to roll six for a couple more years and then the world's [ __ ] anyways we need someone to come in to solve the climate reproach crisis but we will die yeah no it's fun for us no no we should die yeah and and then other people take it over and it all sort of being bare no but I'm saying it will be better when we die yeah not for them though cuz they'll have to clear oh no no no I'm saying we should die soon okay that's what I'm saying I'm idec and we should all die in the next five years okay and our kids are the kid the kids no no no no no I'm talking about people of 43 at about sort of Logan's Logan's Run slightly old lady killed if we all held ourselves to the air probably and probably sort it out wouldn't it yeah I didn't there are many hold on would it shorty that would improve things it seems a bit much if I had met kids it wouldn't matter would accept look I wouldn't be invested in the world but now I've got to worry about my my kids having to survive film some videos where you give them advice okay good well look oh there was lots of things I wanted to sorry no it's okay we just why do we end up talking about toilets we do a lot of fun oh well how is it going to the Emmys did you enjoy going to the Emmys and winning all your Emmys what's it like being in amongst all those big celebrities I've come fascinated by that element of did you did you went right you went I went you know I went and it's it's bit weird because like it was I've now been several times yeah so I could like so other people in our team who was going I kids it was quite I could tell them what was gonna happen like I was an old at the Emmys so the first thing was that the Americans take all of that sort of thing way more it's way more sort of fundamentally this are really important overall those award ceremonies seemed to be than they are over I mean if the I mean I guess they're important over here but not in the way that maybe that's because it's a whole city that that's what it sort of yeah thrives on me in a way I didn't quite appreciate the first time I when I do remember the first time I went it was a big surprise that we won and I genuinely sort of hadn't thought of anything to say because there was a website that tells you the odds yeah like because that again that's how seriously they take there's there's websites where people can't write the odds that you'll win and it was like a no-win for this and so I sort of thought it would be an act of hubris to think of anything to say you'd feel like a bit of a prick yeah and then they said my name I had to Owen and I felt a weird sensation that was both like sort of delight because you've phone all this way if they've just said you've won and also like fear of having to get up and I sort of walked up and stood on the stage and looked out and I remember I sort of stared out and locked eyes with Oprah Winfrey yeah that's too weird so I sort of looked and it was like Nicole Kidman I thought that's like and so I looked then I looked up and there was a big sort of like a screen at the back that was going 32 31 30 29 and so I sort of blurted a load of stuff out and and then afterwards so they give you these awards this is the most first world problem I've ever had in my life they gave we won to award the first time I went there we won two Emmys and you're literally holding them they're quite heavy and you walk out of the ceremony and you go to this Governor's Ball which is way more glamorous than anything I've ever been to in Britain as literally there's like in the middle there's a sort of raised sort of platform with people playing the saxophone and dancing like really well and everyone's [ __ ] good-looking like on this that like and it's Jason massively it's full of celebrities and I walked in and you're holding these Emmys and you're walking along the street for one little bit and there's people screaming like I love your show like you're walking out there with that severed head over like you're a barbarian walking along the street the severed head of and then I'm holding an Emmy in each hand and we go into the Governor's Ball and there I was like and I hadn't had a drink or anything in four hours because you're sitting in this ceremony I was on time for a drink and then of these people there with trays of champagne glasses and I walk in with an Emmy in each hand and they're holding this and they're like champ and I couldn't pick it up just my [ __ ] this is the sort of thing that always happens to me [Applause] night-night and and it's just sort of we is a bit weird it is a bit like a weird not a nice version of a car crash whether you're not expecting this nice thing that happens that everyone's nice to you and then but then we'd sort of because when we're making the show we mainly we were based in like the last season we were based in Ealing Studios right and we because we're doing working on it most of the time myself and Annabel who's the co showrunner don't really go out very often so it is a bit wit it's a bit like you're this sort of shut-in who sits in all the time and then you go out there and suddenly it's like everyone's really nice and sort of quite obsequious in a sort of way that is guiltily quite nice and then you fly home and you go straight back to the the thing of thinking this is [ __ ] what I'm writing now is [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah so when my life's very like that it's just only the last bit it's good but it is sort of also it's sort of meaningless just it all of that stuff he's quite mean like it's although having said that it is like if you go to an award ceremony it's not if you win something it's not it's sort of you go oh I didn't waste the evening yeah don't win and then you can sort of put it on a shelf and go [Music] [Laughter] so look we're gonna have to wrap up but sorry that was like I've managed to make it look at this into me why name are you gonna do any more of your end of your wipes again because we want those back I wouldn't say no we're not doing one this year we're doing two this year we are doing something I don't know if I'm allowed to they say you are allowed to say this isn't going out till next year anyway we may be doing a little thing with Diane Morgan Filomena country I think I'm okay was good well it was bit more than a hint I was in a writers room afternoon yes for a thing we doing with Diane's terrific news next week your wife is going to be my guest mm-hmm is there anything I should ask her about or anything I'm just trying to do some early research anything I shouldn't ask her about what should you ask her next week and is this something that you then like palette of an envelope like mr. and mrs. [ __ ] format book that's a contemporary reference that's a Sam oh that's a phrase we use in the rights of her mrs. Sam OH when like anyone under the age of 40 what should you or shouldn't you ask her about it's just relating to me or just any good line of acquire that will get things going don't ever ask her what my terrible relationship with best before dates on food is because it's a constant source of I would say quite bitter arguments to house that she's right about and I'm wrong about which way did she I take against thing I'm like parent as I said and so I will take against things like that I just think a vaguely like a month within there so by cast it out where is she from she and she will regularly layer a guilt trip on me she'll say when I was doing blue Peter I went to like Mozambique and the people that who were sucking the ink out of a biro for sustenance so you are gonna eat this hummus [Laughter] she is very but she come bare cannot bear any kind of waste anything like that and I whereas I'm my right I'm not all my any kind of ethics about that go out the window soon is a bit of hummus looks a bit sweaty and I'm not having it near my kids I get all sort of like that about it a bit all like angry gammon Eman yeah about a pot of hummus near my kids like it's a [ __ ] pedophile from within stop going near my kids all I'm there I'll sweat our swell G time if they kids I'll break it song I'm on your wife's side my wife's on your side so there we go so what'd you leave anything Ali Ali way past their sell-by day I might have say a cigarette twice once we had an argument and I said to her and this was I said it's like you'd eat out of a bin she regularly brings that up as a baby which was indefensible yeah okay well I'm very much looking haven't seen her for a while she was at she was the closing as well she was she she was a pig and we both she was leaning out we were over there with our kids were pointing you out I know bit wasn't a bit of Bing the [ __ ] it what we went to do and then we hovered around a bit afterwards there was no this hover and there was lots of places to hover who was hanging there was someone else there there was I was hanging out with someone I was hanging out with one of the guys from JLS I think these this is the light this is the air we breathe [Laughter] where was it was like where was it no it was milky yeah in life milky JLS you dream of that not gonna get it well you come back in before seven years it's fine it's been fantastic to have you back on Charlie and I look for to seeing you at Bing at some point you're going to the as a film have been coming out have you been invited to the premiere okay I've been invited I can't go through that like any drew little no they sent me some free big toys I get to go and see Bing the movie yeah are they showing it on it's a nice in London properly in London everything so it must be I think I've said my mother I said can my mother my wife go with my mother-in-law no they said two adults so you can go with my wife but then you you you bond over the whole fat sell by dates thing as I'm proud girl in with Connie for next week we could it could be I've literally ding Connie ate fish that was all green she would eat she would eat fish that was green just because she's seen people suffering about big moments yeah well hopefully it's gonna be [ __ ] so I'm hoping for that would be a good episode of Bing Bing discovers what flock was up oh if we love to sit here all night and just wait to everyone drifted out one by one but I've got to drive back to Hartford sure where I live so milky milk is very happy for me ladies and gentlemen Charlie bring our ledger [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] has like them sky potato [Applause]

Channel: Richard Herring

Views: 88,553

Rating: 4.8553848 out of 5

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Id: Wyvj2Gmugco

Length: 83min 22sec (5002 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 24 2020