Dumb People, What's The Stupidest Thing You've Ever Done?

stupid people have read it what is the stupidest thing you've done i'm walking to work dressed as an office drone dress pants dress shirt no tire wingtips i see some construction workers ahead waving frantically at me what the heck do those guys want take one more step plop right into the wet cement sidewalk panel they had just made to answer the obvious questions yes there were pylons and warning signs etc i was an oblivious idiot tl dr i'm that white collar idiot the construction workers probably still tell stories about my dog wants to contribute one comma so i'm on the front of a boat and we're going like 30 miles per hour i'm just staring into the wind with my tongue flopping around like any other dog would then i see that stupid freaking brown thing down by my butt again you know that furry thing that sometimes attaches to our butts until we chase it around for a few minutes and start thinking about something else i chased that sucker straight off the front of the boat and it ran us over i'm alright though it was one of those moments of true stupidity i was finishing on the toilet about to go to bed i stood up and flushed as i did i thought i heard something plop into the bowl i reached in into my delight grabbed the first thing i felt in my hand picked up a turd when i was little i pooped a tiny bit into a piece of toilet paper and kept it by my bed my mom found it due to the smell i think i wanted to know what happened when you left her turd out in the open for a while i like to think i was just being a little scientist but in reality i was probably just a weird little crap one time i tried to fart while playing online poker really late while my girlfriend was asleep about half of the fart came out before i realized more was on its way out too i caught that before it was too late and jumped up and started to run to the bathroom i had headphones on and yanked my head to the left and pulled my tower over as i kicked a 25 pound weight on the floor broke my toe and then crap all over myself who will see the leprechaun say yeah i think you win this is hilarious garage sale i pull over and go to the carport where i see a lot of boxes laying around and clothes hanging so i start having rummage in the boxes and looking at the clothes see a guy in the lounge staring at me giving me stink eye i think how are you going to sell anything with that attitude never mind keep on looking mostly kids and women's clothes anyway guy comes out and says are you right mate i say yeah just having a look go back out to my car nothing of interest there drive down the street and see another sign garage sale realize the garage sale sign was indicating turn left of the next street you know how you see stupid exam answers at the age of 12 the whole year group had to sit an exam to find out what groups we would be put in for science the next year it asked us to draw and label a table and its uses i literally drew a freaking table with some smug little c reading a book at it i even labeled the freaking book as book and the table and its legs i still made the top set for science every science teacher got a photocopy of that freaking diagram every single freaking one it was pinned to walls doors smart boards literally every freaking gadget mink in my school knew about my monumental frick up i have to the time i ended up in the hospital because of pasta coma one night i was doing dishes that i had left for about a week uni life and there was a piece of pasta heavily crusted onto the bottom of the pot i couldn't get it off with a sponge or with the brush i was using so i tried to pick it off with my nails i managed to pick a little bit too hard and boom the pasta shard is under my thumbnail up to about the halfway point about 10 seconds later my finger was dripping blood and i realized that the pasta was actually getting cooked by my blood and visions of awful infections started to run through my head i decided to play it safe and go to the ear and the doctor that ended up seeing me three hours later told me that i had made the right choice coming in which made me feel a bit better a couple of scalpels some surgical scissors and 30 minutes of excruciating pasta extraction later i walked out of the hospital missing half of my thumbnail it hurt like an absolute b for the next week i was told that i was the only pastor-related injury any of the doctors in the hospital at the moment had ever seen the time i literally tried to be a helicopter and broke my wrist como i was four years old and on a field trip with my kindergarten class it was lunchtime and we were all sitting on a jungle gym eating our lunches for whatever reason i decided it was a good idea to stop eating my lunch and walk to the top of the jungle gym so i could jump off don't ask me to explain it it's been 17 years and i'm still amazed at my own inexplicable stupidity i'm fortunate not to have won a darwin award so far i had recently learned what a hecholopter was and was amazed that they could fly just by spinning things around my flawless logic of the day was if they can do it why can't i so seemingly without any discernible reason little four-year-old me put down his sandwich marched to the top of the jungle gym put his arms out at his sides and jumped off while spinning around in my best hecal opter impression and that was how i got my first ambulance ride tl dr i accidentally tested ancient chinese torture tactics on myself and also tried to be a helicopter at one point they said i could be anything so i became a hecalopter wanted to make a panini so got my panini press noticed a small piece of metal poking out of the plug so pushed it in with my thumb whilst it was plugged in and switched on haven't been able to face a panini since at the age of nine i had a rock fight with a friend i was hospitalized and now most people respectfully ask me if i have a mental condition tldr rock head [ __ ] this is not how you get stoned when i was roughly three years old i was playing around in the living room whilst my older brother 13 at a time watches television eventually i get bored of whatever annoying toy i was playing with i start toddling on over to the kitchen to find scattered toys or to find my mum however on the way i decided to take a nap an apple a freaking radiator with heat blasting out of it apparently i had been there for a good minute before my brother realized my face was melting on the radiator my brother takes my cheek off the radiator and screams for our mum i got rushed immediately to the hospital where my mum was questioned profusely in regards to child neglect she's a great mum and she says the ordeal was the worst thing she has ever experienced got a scar of my cheek from my idiocy this isn't the only time i fricked up as a youngster sadly got run over by a parked car so when i was 10 my stepfather put a speedometer on my huffy dirt bike i wanted to see how fast this thing could go so i took it up to the tallest hill in my neighborhood racing down the hill i went past 20 miles per hour past 25 i was closing in on 30 miles per hour when it occurred to me that i should be looking at the road not just the speedometer that's when i hit the boog a 1980 zero american car was not built for fuel economy or for reliability it was built to consume as many gas and steel resources as america could pee away i flew over the trunk rolled over the roof and thumped onto the hood with a broken arm and two-inch scar in my shin my huffy was squashed like an accordion and could have been mistaken for a unicycle everything changed after that except the book it barely noticed i once thought it would be a good idea to take three hits of acid and go to my cousin's middle school dance recital it wasn't a good idea at all it was a bad idea it was a very freaking bad idea i fell asleep on a roof a slanted roof i rolled over ever have one of those dreams where you are falling i woke up just before i hit the ground i rode my bike under a truck i made a slingshot that fired metal discs through trees i took these plates off my father's cars and bikes i made a stump remover basically an ied for farm work got confused and got the measurements wrong i figured this out while a two-ton stump was about 80 feet in the air i thought that my knife juggling skills would impress girls at a party i had been drinking heavily had frictol a trampoline advice if you ever want to try this don't penises can break had fricked in the water at a beach advice if you want to try this don't sand gets everywhere especially if you are uncircumcised short myself with a 0.22 bullet not a gun just the bullet well and a hammer took a half pound of gunpowder to school tried to write my name on the football field turns out the guy with the distinctive name and no eyebrows can easily be identified another time i tried to jump a fence on a motorcycle a barbed wire fence strangely if this had gone just a little worse the beach thing would have gone better parked my dad's car the wrong way that is in a swimming pool tried to help a dog who had been hit by a car had a large portion of my face torn open that being said i would do this again lots more but i am a little tired my wife thinks i am stupid btw dude you might just be stupid i'm not a doctor though so you know don't listen to me because i once tried to walk along a bobbed wire fence in the rain thought it was easy like in the circus when i was 12 i put a rifle round facing up on the ground and hit it with a golf club the casing shot across my foot and cut skin but i don't know where the bullet went depending on how old you are we might have solved the kennedy assassination me and my cousin were sharing a room at my grandma's we had just switched out the old tv with a nicer one rather than moving it out of the way we just left it in the hall like a couple of lazy dumbasses we figured we just move it tomorrow cup to 11 p.m we hear a loud scream and large thud right outside our door we run outside to find grandma in a heap on the floor she was going to bed but didn't turn the whole light on because she wrongly assumed that her grandsons weren't morons she bruised her hip and i still feel terrible about it to this day tldr my cousin and i almost killed our grandma with a tv stepped on a rake to see if it flies up like in cartoons gave myself a black eye two turned a hand with a glass of water and upside down to look at my watch d spent half an hour looking for a toy getting more and more frustrated it was in my hand eight have an insane blind spot for peas i lose my keys almost every day unless i consciously put them on one specific spot forgot ouch made a pizza in a cast iron pan in the oven must have been getting on for 200c when i took it out and carefully put it on a mat turned to do something else for a few seconds turned back and instinctively grabbed the panhandle not just a touch a full-on grab i even managed to lift it an inch or so before the pain hit i can honestly say it's by far the worst pain i've ever had and i burst a stitch after my circumcision at 19. unable to find my phone in a complete state of panic sending my friend a text asking dude did i leave my phone at your place i can't find it anywhere he replied what are you using to send this text genius i have never in my life been so ashamed to clarify this was quite a few years ago before smartphones and google voice we're talking some of the first color screen nokias here i've done that with my keys i'm looking all around the house while twirling them around on my finger the girl of my dreams came back to my place after dinner and drinks we had been friends for a long time but never a hint of anything more i was in a sleeping bag on the floor she told me hey you can jump up under the quilt to get warm and my response was oh this sleeping bag is really warm it wasn't until the next day that i realized what i had done ro thinking about this makes me really depressed so i used to get really bad head rushes when i stood up too fast this happened a lot when i was in my early teens anyways i was lying down watching tv when my dad tells me to turn the heat down so i get up and feel kinda dazed but continue to walk behind the couch towards the thermostat on the long walk to the thermostat my head rush starts to get more intense i lose vision and lean against my electric piano for support i lean there for about 30 seconds while it passes when my vision finally returns i am standing over my piano thinking turn down the heat turn down the heat so my blood deprived brain starts to bash the keys of the piano hoping that the heat will turn it down i am very confused at this point but i think i know what i'm doing then i get the realization i thought wow i'm so dumb the heat isn't turning down because the piano isn't on stupid me so i press the on button on the keyboard and start bashing the keys even more random notes start playing loudly which makes me jump finally realizing my true folly i laugh out loud at how stupid my brain was and proceed to the thermostat to finally turn down the heat this all happened within the span of about 40 seconds to a minute the end tldr thought my piano was the thermostat and proceeded to bash the keyboard to try to turn down the heat please tell me your dad was there watching as you continue to bash the keys on the piano i thought it would be funny to fart on my friend while we were in my closet smoking instead i shot it all over the floor and he laughed he butt off in junior high i swallowed a pencil in class emergency room doctor looked me up and down and said i expected to see a three-year-old in high school i dated a girl with an identical twin one morning i was tired and walked up to the girl i thought was my girlfriend put my arm around her and kissed her fantasy twin freaking did not ensue me are you going to the prom her yes me okay i hope you have fun i thought she was saying she had a date but was really just saying she planned on going found out from a mutual friend after someone else asked her ended up going stag i don't think that was really stupid it was just miscommunication the first time i had fricked was pretty freaking stupid girl brings my wasted self back to her room and we start freaking my anxiety kicks and that i'm supposed to see em already so i stand up in the dark fake jerk off fake orgasm and piece the frick out she never talked to me again i don't understand your thought process here i tried to rob an on duty cop i used to work at a gas station every night at this gas station police officers would come in for some coffee and whatnot and over time i got to know a couple of them over time it got to where we would talk about the weird crap they see on the regular and what not and the crap they would help us deal with i got some good cop stories from them and some even better gas station adventures from my days if anyone is interested anyway one day i'm minding my own business stocking the cooler when i hear officer ingram talking to my manager over the speakers in the cooler they are there so that whoever is in the cooler can hear what is going on up front i decide to come out of the cooler with my sweatshirt and ski mask on and sneak up on officer ingram and see how a cop reacts to being robbed so i start sneaking around the store solid snake style and i managed to go unseen by officer ingram my manager who was having a conversation with him saw me but didn't give me away since it wasn't unusual for me to wear the ski mask outside the cooler i get to the counter and i put my box cutter's blunt end safety first against the back of his neck and tell him in a voice much deeper than my regular voice to don't do anything stupid and call for help or anything just give me your freaking wallet my manager was speechless officer ingram didn't even flinch he just took a sip of his coffee and told me that i must be the biggest idiot he had ever come across it was at this point that i noticed my manager's eyes had dropped and i noticed that ingram already put his hand on his gun right as i heard the safety click i dropped the act and told him it was me and that i was just playing ingram starts laughing out loud and tells me to chill out he had seen me sneaking out the cooler and around the store on the computer screen up front with the live feed of the security cameras around the store we had a good laugh about it immediately after for a few days after that when the other officers would come in they would put their hands in the air or just throw me their wallets it later dawned on me that if it wasn't for the manager leaving the security camera live feed on screen i could have gotten shot and charged with all sorts of crap tl dr pulled a box cutter on a copper's joke cop knew it was me and decided to scare me senseless didn't go to jail or get bullets in my tummy it was a good day i like to think i am not stupid but i have one memory gap that leads people to believe i am dumb as soup i can't freaking recall right and left off the top of my head it is so freaking frustrating could be worse though i physically can't turn left i'm not an ambaton christmas this year so's mother is staying with us upstate ny so it's cold as balls i go out to start the car before we leave for dinner and then come back in few minutes later when we're about to leave i start patting my pockets and looking around on my desk so's mom goes comma the keys are in the car cause it's running yup your daughter is dating a keeper over here i once was playing around with my friends ep pen and didn't know which side was which short the needle through my thumb so that hurt came home from work one night and popped easy mac in the microwave but i forgot the one essential step i came back three minutes later to a smoke-filled kitchen the smoke was the burned plastic cancer smoke so my nasal passages were on fire i am a terrible chef did you forget the freaking water because i have done the same goddamn thing when i was little i didn't know about those colliders i stuck my index finger thinking it would be cool to leave it there and boom finger roasted worst thing is i held the pain for at least four hours because i didn't want to cause trouble to my parents sneezed and hit my head on a wall because i was standing too close left my shopping at the till after i went through the self-service checkout poured water down my leg and instead of moving the cup just let it continue to pour until there was no water left thought about sonar was called sonic radar threw frozen chicken in about six inches of boiling vegetable oil and started my house on fire lit my friend's hay shed on fire which exploded when the fire reached 20 full propane tanks jumped off my house to my trampoline missed bit my tongue almost completely off i also once cooked some trout on the barbecue grill and some foam that the cat sleeps on under the grill caught fire so i threw it off the deck and it landed on the [ __ ] and burned a hole in it just 10 minutes ago i was play fighting with a girl i get with occasionally and she lifted her leg to kick me in the ball so i grabbed her leg and out of instinct lifted and pushed which sent her to her butt hard and she hit her head decently hard in the wall i say out of instinct because i'm a wrestler and my brain just automatically thought i was doing a single leg i was having a bonfire dumping gas on the fire and the fire got a little too high and lit the spout of the gas can and it well exploded and lit my shirt sleeve on fire jesus i need to stay away from fire at least your trampoline wasn't on fire i'm smart in general but sometimes i derp out completely and look like the biggest [ __ ] once i was reading a horror novel and i had my finger underneath the page i turned the page and got startled because apparently i'd won forgotten my finger was there and two forgotten i even had that finger because i didn't even recognize it as mine for a moment i only recently found out that if you put hot water in a pot instead of cool water it'll boil faster and so it shaves like 10 minutes off your cooking time the other day i tried to open the can of evaporated milk but the can opener just made a weird noise and didn't do anything i got frustrated for a few seconds before realizing that it wasn't the can i was holding it was my glass measuring cup i'm terrified of roaches once i saw a fat roach on the floor of my bedroom and literally stood there for about 10 minutes with a shoe in my hand trying to work up the courage to throw it then i noticed the roach hadn't moved the whole time i mustered up the courage to get closer and get a better look at it and realized it wasn't a roach it was just a black smudge on the floor that had collected a little lint it's worth mentioning that i'm nearsighted and didn't have my glasses on at the time for months i really truly thought you could download ram i had seen that download more ram sites and read some reviews which i later found out were joking and i told my mom and one of my friends about it my mom looked at me with this deadpan face my friend started cracking the heck up it wasn't until later that i learned you cannot download ram i am not computer savvy i keep mistakenly calling surround sound sound around i think i'd been saying it for years but nobody corrected me until i was in a conversation with some friends and said something like yeah i have sound around headphones they're expensive but saru worth it my boyfriend interrupted me and said can you repeat that i didn't everyone burst out laughing i once derped out and asked my dad if the rio grande was actually in rio de janeiro my dad just went there's no such thing as a stupid question but that was pretty close i'm both my parents smartest and dumbest child i thought detergent pods worked in the dryer not the washer i assumed that the heat from the dryer would melt away the plastic and that the liquid was meant to make my clothes smell good when the plastic didn't melt away i started tear the pods before throwing them inside the dryer did this for like four months straight yeah i know i'm stupid i parked my car on an inclined road and forgot to put my hand brake up i saw my car slowly but surely going downhill so i attempted to stop it with my own hands the car hit me as i went under it and hit the car behind me ended up paying to repair my car the other guy's car and my own medical bills technically definitely not stupid but quite capable of it i tried to avoid my older sister by telling her on the phone i wasn't at our parents house i was on my parents house landline and she lost no time in pointing this out if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 34,512

Rating: 4.9049296 out of 5

Keywords: stupid, stupid people, stupid things, stupidest, stupidest videos ever, stupidest people in history, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, stupidest thing

Id: GTawbdge6Oo

Length: 24min 32sec (1472 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2020