Funniest Moments at the Army Training

soldiers offered it what was something that was so funny even the drill sergeant couldn't help but giggle you have about 30 seconds to unfuck yourself starting 28 seconds ago i don't know if that was an old saying amongst all of them or he made it up on the spot but god damn did i almost freaking lose it omg i have the best story for this basic training some dude was getting a reprimand from the course officer because he was a bag of fail he got briefed by the platoon sergeant beforehand to march to the door salute the officer and wait to be instructed what to do but this guy was as dumb as a brick so he marches to the door and stands there looking stupid the sergeant waits a good long while hoping this kid will glue in and nothing happens finally he yells at him well aren't you going to pay compliments to the officer and numty stammers for a bit and finally chirps out um you're looking really nice today so sergeant yells at him to gtfo and slams the door and the entire course staff nearly died from laughter it took an hour for us to stop laughing long enough to call him back and actually give him the reprimand i was on the floor with tears in my eyes for years afterwards anytime we would see that officer we would stop him to tell him he was looking nice but it never stopped being funny oh god that's a riot from a friend at air assault they were fast roping down off towers and there was one guy that was deathly afraid of heights but was still making his way to pass and he was just standing there and the instructor yells something along the lines of stop being a p and go he proceeds to jump into the rope lose his grip and fall the entire way down while screaming air assault until he hit the ground he broke his arm and had to go with the next class what a legend someone in basic threw their half-eating schnitzel into the toilet and tried to flush it it didn't flush he left so we are all in our rooms as we hear one of our drills screen to get out and line up we line up and he was one of the super serious guys 190 meters tall easily 100 kilograms of pure muscle and always mean mugging everyone he starts screaming at us telling us that we are pigs no one knew what went on then he started yelling someone threw a freaking schnitzel into the toilet as he finished he started smiling first time in months i saw the dude smile everyone started laughing hard he got angry again and started repeating himself he starts laughing once he hits the schnitzel part again we all laugh again he just tells us we are dumb asses and someone better fish that piece of schnitzel out asap well one time when i was in basic training my petty officer was going around asking questions to people if you got it wrong everyone had to do push-ups if you got it right he just moved on to the next person i was in panic mode because all the questions before now had been really difficult or maybe i was just stupid in retrospect i'm inclined to believe the latter anyway my turn came up and the interaction went as follows petty officer dandy lu what is the navy's birthday me ecstatic because this is one of the few bits of trivia my brain had decided to retain relieved sir the 13th of october sir petty officer what year me without missing a beat every year sir the room was quiet for a moment as the horror sank in everyone laughed at me the petty officer laughed at me not a mocking laughter bill is sincere oh my god i can't believe you're this stupid kind of laughter i wanted to die i had to do a lot of push-ups that's a classic navy boot camp 2008 we had a big samoan guy in our division who loved singing disney songs this dude started singing a whole new world in a shower with 80 other dudes and all of us started singing along i can remember our rdc just shaking his head and grinning a master corporal was calling drill for us once and his voice cracked on the command so he went from yelling in his normal kind of deep voice he was a big dude to a loud shrill dude impersonating a woman kind of voice everyone took a second but the other instructors for our platoon cracked and everyone just kind of laughed that's what happens when men wear tights too often not exactly a drill sergeant but during basic training we were marching in formation when we suddenly hear a thump turns out one of our comrades dropped his helmet of course our instructor saw this and responds with i'm deutsche helmfultner email a german helmet is only dropped once pretty common military textbook phrase he commands the soldier to pick up his helmet and we carry on marching about 30 seconds later we hear the same sound again so i turn around and ask myself how you can possibly fail the simple task of helmet retention you basically just clip it to your carry rig while already waiting to hear the instructor saying the same phrase again what do i see our instructor turning around doing his personal walk of shame and picking up his helmet let's just say we weren't short on beer when we celebrated the end of basic dude was told he couldn't trim his unibrow if he did he'd have to shave both eyebrows as well so that's what dude did shaved it all ds lost it laughing and then made the private report every morning to have them sharpied on with a new expression every day advent the best ones were when he was given two squares his eyebrows or a constant surprise look and thanks for my first gold i shall name him phillip oh my god this one's my favorite not a soldier but an airman hopefully you still like the story we are out on the pad standing in formation waiting for breakfast just like any other bmt morning we are at the end of our training so the mtis tend to not harass you as much in your last week or so at basic our mti has a doctor's appointment or something so he has a female mti in the squad and we have seen from time to time watch us while he is gone so she takes us all from parade rest to attention and addresses the dorm chief led trainee position in the flight he lets out the fatal response of yester to whatever the frick she said to him she's a petite athletic looking redhead and would not be mistaken for a sir she gets right in his face as it leaves his mouth and starting yelling you make me so mad i just want to whip out my dong and slap you across the face with it if i had on there were three other flights with like 20 40 trainees each including their mti is immediately dying laughing even she only held it together for a few seconds of being angry red in the face before laughing i think you will get in some serious trouble these days yelling great lines like that we were all sitting in the classroom cleaning our weapons when the drill sergeants rushed in and told us to form up outside now we all bus but to get outside lineup ready to go couple minutes later drill sergeant comes out holding a goddamn rifle one of our air wasters left his freaking rifle inside the classroom which one of you slack jawed numbnuts doesn't have their rifle the soldier identifies himself and he is called up and directed to smoke all of us beautiful thing about the army you freak up and everyone else pays for it so he's up there about to smoke us but instead he's just frozen eyes as bigger sources well wattle itb gomer silence drill sergeant is pn gets in his face and tells for a minute now get at it he concludes the soldier is frozen but the silence is broken breirat the soldier lets out the longest and most cartoonish fart i've ever heard we all do our best to stifle our laughter as we prepare for the crap show that's coming a drill sergeant says nothing though then he cracks a smile get the frick back inside now 40 rounds drill sergeant at least he gave the air back one time my ankles were legit hurting really bad cankles in new boots yay so i asked the ds if i could go to the infirmary he said yes i said thanks dude he laughed and said you know i gotta smoke you for that and he did but it was nice to see the human side for the first time navy boot camp in orlando florida in august of 1989 the company was split up in two on either side of the center line facing the front of the bay our company commander had us doing four count jumping jacks where we all had to clap on the second and fourth together it had to sound like one clap there were 68 of us and even though we struggled all of us eventually got it well all of us but one this poor guy just could not clap with the rest of us he was eventually pulled up to the front of the bay where he would lead the exercise at the last second every time he would change his pace and ruin it the company commander smiled throughout and eventually just keeled over laughing at this guy it's funny though that i don't remember being angry even though we must have been doing jumping jacks for about three hours in 100 degree heat i do remember that the only reason we quit was because the cement floor was too slippery with sweat to safely continue you understand what the di means by pt until the walls sweat we all had these crap plastic name tags before getting our official one stitched onto our uniforms they were to be marked by first and middle initials followed by the last name for example mine said a a porg had a dude in my platoon who's not his real name but same concept tag said edged smith naturally the drill instructor asked him what the frick was up with his name tag shouted with complete enthusiasm my name is edward james allen thomas smith sir needless to say the d i didn't expect him to actually have five names nor did he expect to hear it so proudly stated he covered his face with his hat till there's a whole other way to spell alan years ago while doing basic during the course you obviously have lots of drill training marching standing at attention at ease turning etc we're all in the drill hall practicing away when somehow one of the recruits lets out a high-pitched squeal and falls over dude managed to squish his nuts together somehow while coming to attention all three instructors sprinted over and started jacking him up and we're laughing so hard at the same time that they are almost crying i don't know why but this one has me absolutely cracking up just the mental image i guess our sergeant liked to take his smokey bear hat and tap recruits on the bridge of their nose while yelling at them that he wasn't touching them i happened to fall in behind him walking down the bay he thought it would be a good idea to spin around and poke the brim of his hat into somebody's face hit me square in the chest i'm six feet six inches tall i can't even remember what he yelled exactly but he was trying very hard not to laugh then spun back around and went into his office with the assistant's t.i they started laughing so loud that we all heard it my ds's love throwing their smoky bare hats like frisbees at the recruits and then smoke whoever they hit for touching their hats in air force bmt you have to carry this stupid flashlight with you when marching that had this yellow cone on it one guy in my flight got tired of holding it so he decided to have his belt hold it like a jedi would have done with his lightsaber well the instructor sees this and tells him that he has to quick pull out your lightsaber and fight death vader right behind you another trainee watching these two idiots have a lightsaber fight was the funniest thing i've seen which must have been for my instructor since he walks away belly laughing at the two [ __ ] star wars nerds ah the lachlan laser i've still got mine somewhere 1995 featuring leonard wood missouri misery halfway through basic just finished up lunch at mess hall and about 10 of us are waiting outside in formation for the rest of the company delta company marches up files into mess hall last guy runs past us and one of our guys says in drill sergeant voice what do you think you're doing private you don't run in front of another company delta guy pauses then continues on when delta drill sergeant marches over with who said that the mouth's a gape not wanting to rat out our guy but not wanting to do push-ups after lunch either we all look around silently diaz who said that us diaz who said that private a slowly raise his hand us staring ds come here private wh o do you think you are beat you are face private beat you our face private eyes go wide long pause ds you hear me beat you our face private private looks at hands then back at diaz diaz beat you our face us silently imploring him private looks at hands and back at diaz again diaz steps closer private starts punching himself in the face hard us wtf ds trying to hold back laughter whoa whoa whoa private hold on you don't know what beta face means private a shakes head ds push-up sun push-ups gimme ten this would be me we had a kid whose name was lucky i kid you not lucky looked like an egg had gone stubby arms and legs and a head but no neck he was whiny dumb as heck and talked like a robot who smoked a pack a day he probably had some kind of learning disability but was pushed into rtc by a recruiter trying to meet his quota should not have been there anyway this kid couldn't do any physical activity to save his life and usually refuse to try one day while we were being beaten for god knows what our oldest meanest saltiest rdc freaking had it with this one day and started verbally berating this kid trying to get him to do just one push-up lackey starts getting all panicky and flustered but still wouldn't even try to do a push-up lackey finally blurts out i can't i'm gonna have a heart attack our rdc responds without missing a beat that's okay lackey i know cpr and just starts rhythmically stomping his foot on the ground implying that his version of cpr will be done with his foot not his hands lucky staring at the floor in the push-up position is freaking scared to death and lets out the nastiest sounding wettest fart i have ever heard we all are desperately trying not to laugh but we all make the mistake of looking to the rdc who is literally gagging on the smell we all lost it including the other two rdcs in the room the laughter did die off when we got a whiff of lackey's fart i seriously smelled like a small road and died in his butt needless to say lackey did not make it through boot camp which is probably a good thing for him and the us navy we had a guy like that when i went through bmt wound up getting discharged after his fourth week apparently he was abused sexually as a child in his mental state wasn't all there pt physical training test we're doing the sit-up portion where you have to do a set number of sit-ups in two minutes one cadet holds the others feet down while the other does the sit-ups the whistle blows and one cadet starts hammering out sit-ups while his buddy holds his feet the cadet doing sit-ups lets out the most thunderous fart known to man and the other holding his feet shouts you gotta be freaking kidding me everyone including the mtis were laughing that was my greatest fear i spent the minutes before pt tests in the head trying to progress it all out when we were doing combatives i made a pulp fiction reference because the guy wrestling kinda looked like samuel l jackson and i caught one of the drill sergeants chuckling all i said was does marcellus wallace look like a bll then why did you try and freak him like one every time an instructor enters the room the first person who sees danielle's room and everybody in the room immediately stands at attention until told to ease this day the instructor enters to room while the first guy was mid-sentence he sees the instructor comma what everybody jolts to attentions for tomorrow's inspection we are going to he pauses turns to the first guy did you yell what dude odds his head the instructor laughed after laundry was done they threw it on the floor in a big pile your name is stenciled on every article of clothing so one guy would stand next to the pile pick up an article of clothing read the name and then throw it to the owner as we walked around him in a circle so we took one of our mesh laundry bags and carefully cut it to look like a thong then stole a pink highliter and colored it pink and wrote our drill instructor's name on it and snuck it into the laundry the day comes to pass out laundry and he sees it loses his freaking crap start screaming wh oh the frick owns this i am going to frick your whole world up he picks it up sees his name and had to leave the room he was laughing so hard though we got the crap beat out of us for about 1.5 hours worth it it wasn't a drill sergeant but a small group leader or sgl the equivalent for the school that you go to when you become a sergeant a couple of rangers put a blow up doll above my buddy's bunk the sgl was hinted that there was contraband in the room the sgl came in swinging a golf club and poking ceiling tiles out drops a blow up doll with shut up b written and duct tape over its mouth my friend laughs and says that ain't mine they flip the doll over and it says will is be on it but former german army officer here when i was a platoon commander in basic training there was a recruit who was really small in height i'd say 150 centimeters 155 tops anyway one day the platoon was cleaning their rooms and one of them coz entered said recruits room sure enough one of them notices the superior yells attention and everyone stops doing what they're doing and go into attention but the little guy was just in the process of cleaning the windows and just so happened to fit right into the window frame in an upright position so as then co scans the room he is presented with the sight of three huge bodybuilding soldiers and a tiny one standing in a tension within a window frame the poor guy just lost it when he returned to me he was still crying tears i thought you said the recruit was 150 cc and my first thought was genuinely wow what a great way to call someone small my bunkmate laced my boots while i knocked out our beds i guess he messed up because i was getting yelled at trainee latter brush are you freaking [ __ ] say you're [ __ ] sir i am freaking [ __ ] he ran to his office covering his face from the laughter he didn't expect the enthusiasm i had to reply it's my father's story but i think it'll be appreciated here mobile formatting english not my first language yada yada late 70s maybe 1980 eastern europe service was mandatory for all able-bodied men my father spent 11 months as a coms operator now for the story lunch time all line up in front of the canteen such gets his daily dose of shouting now i must mention that the east was never really good at making long lasting clothes so the buttons on the uniform had a tendency to fall off it was mostly your own responsibility to sew it back but most of the soldiers used a quicker bit flimsier method using matchsticks idk how that works serge stops in front of a smaller private looks at his uniform grabs the top button gives it a pull it comes right off 1-0 shouts the sergeant then moves to the next button on the private's coat yanks it's right off 2-0 he shouts then he grabs the next button gives it a pull and nothing another try still nothing that one was still sewn on there private looks him in the eye and shouts 2-1 ha pv2 thomas had been a problem since basic training when he acted as patient zero for a particularly virulent strain of crud and pink eye he had been the only person to fail his phase 4 inspection because no one wanted to fail the inspection that would give you back some basic semblance of freedom such being allowed to leave the barracks area on the weekend or getting to skip the hour-long bed check his explanation in that case had been that he'd been playing magic the gathering in the day room with his friends usually a failure was shared by the entire room but that time the drill sergeant let it pass at the drill sergeant himself had a glorious bushy mustache the kind that would be proud to sit atop sammelia slip and spoke with a lab or drawl in addition to the usual stock phrases common to all drill sergeants i've got games privates games for days i've got more games than milton bradley he had a few of his own it ain't rocket surgery dessert dogs may as well have been a platoon motto the thing about initial entry training is that there is a formation for everything even when you're deep in phase 5 and so close to graduation that you don't even know if you remember how to be a real person you spend much of your day standing in arm's length from three or four other people by that point the last formation of the day was mostly used to hand out information having long since moved out of being yet another trap designed to send some portion of the platoon to a session in the grass the grass contained no grass or any other discernible form of plant life one such tidbit was that thanks to the war the army was finding itself short on trained linguists if anyone in the platoon could speak another language other than spanish and could pass the dli test we'd be eligible for a 100 a month bonus a pv2 thomas raised his hand and when called upon asked does klingon count drill sergeant the drill sergeant blinked instead not saying anything the fury we would have expected a month earlier never came he just stared his mustache twitching at the corners the platoon didn't move didn't even dare to breathe and none of us were quite certain that we'd heard the question correctly no the drill sergeant finally rumbled a smile finally peeking out from his moustache klingon does not count he started to go on to the next item but shook his head just push thomas push until you die he rattled off the rest of what he had to say and dismiss the rest of the platoon i went into the barracks to change clothes and as i headed toward the dfac i passed thomas raking neat lines in the non-existent grass shouting various words in clinton as the drill sergeant requested them and now i'm wondering if klingon speakers could be used for encoded communications like the navajo code talkers basic ad featuring sill oklahoma we were all taking basic life support classes and we had a medic come through and show us some basics as the class progressed he stopped to take a moment to answer any questions one of the recruits who was different asked what to do if the helmet was to fuse to someone's skull everyone was pretty dumbfounded at the question and his seriousness our ds had seen and heard some things in their time but that was next level ps if the helmet gets hot enough to melt onto someone's skull that person is probably dead and you probably don't have to worry about treatment drill sergeants will often play a trick on new recruits with mres mres come with crackers that are super dry and i am pretty sure they are made with sawdust well they say that if you can eat them all in two minutes without drinking anything you can have the day off so all of us dumbasses tried it eight crackers is no big deal right yeah most of us couldn't even handle half of that one kid had all eight jammed in his mouth fruitlessly chewing on a cracker paste and then he sneezed about two weeks into basic a bunch of us pvts asked our senior drill sergeant if he could do something about honor the private's bathroom problem this kid 17 at the time would take a decay every morning after pt and it smelled so bad no one could stand going in there if the drill didn't believe us it was that bad so one day after pt he goes in there to find out for himself the conversation afterwards will never leave my memory drill private what is your favorite scent of fabrics pvt drill sergeant my favorite scent is p drill sergeant drill and everyone else intense laughter drill private you can't say that crap in the army anymore at this point the drill sergeant is just trying not to lose his crap that was the best day in basic for us as well because that drill told the rest and we didn't get smoked all day because they were too busy talking crap about us and left us alone if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

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Keywords: funniest moments, drill sergeant, drill sergeant laughing, drill, army training, funny army training, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: mkL9aWy5xL0

Length: 26min 13sec (1573 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 30 2021