Funniest Jokes on Hitler | Louis CK | Ricky Gervais | Norm MacDonald

I'm a Hitler's hated as a scam is not Hitler Hitler springtime for Hitler he was the ringleader old are both that names died out on it they killed that day at noon no one's cooling their kid that Adolph nowadays no little adults going to school loads of Brad and Angelina's but know that you don't hear the teacher doing the register Brad here Angelina here Adolf here I do that quick so then one can take a picture of me doing that no but people make excuses for him people say oh he was stupid he was easily led didn't he didn't mean that what do you mean he didn't mean that okay oh no he's influenced by the political philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche right because Nietzsche wrote this paper I'm talking about a Superman he said not all men are born equal and Hitler misinterpreted this and went way too far with it and think of that you're a great scholar you've done this work and you get a call from the Fuhrer and if you're goes alright Nietzsche yes yeah good what do you want because I just read your book what do you think love it love all that Man and Superman not everyone's equal kill all the Jews sorry [Applause] not everyone's equal so kill all the Jews I didn't like that I read between the lines I I didn't mean now that's terrible you y'all been given it yep y'all been killing Jewish people have you what I've even in Jewish people yeah [Applause] a few how many six million six million that's what I won't do anymore leave it leave it at six that's terrible I won't do any more stay for dinner well I will but be careful in future I will are you writing any other books well I am but I'm scared to tell you about it I won't do anything what's a new book called my new book is called the gypsies do we need them there is one country that worries me though not Iraq that Iran that North Korea the only country that really worries me is the country of Germany I don't know if you guys are history buffs or not but in the early part of the previous century Germany decided to go to war and who did they go to war with the world has never been tried before and so you figure that would take about five seconds for the world to win but it was actually close [Applause] then about then about 30 years pass and Germany decides again to go to Oran again it chooses as its enemy the world and this time they have that guy got it kinda leave that guy I'm guys are gonna dignify it by saying his name but I think you know I've done but you think at that point the world will go listen Germany here's the deal you know you be a country no more on encounter you keep attacking the world [Applause] for your Mars I don't like arguments some people like to argue you know they think it's like an art I don't like it I think it's because really ordinary arguments can get really dramatic really quickly like I was talking to a friend recently and I told him that I didn't think I believed in the death penalty and my friend said to me oh so you're telling me that if you saw Hitler walking down the street you wouldn't kill him that wasn't what I was telling you but all right let's talk about this entirely new topic what would I do if I saw Adolf Hitler just walking down the street well first off I wanted to know what did my friend mean did he mean that I see a guy in like the military outfit with the little mustache because then I would assume that that someone dressed as Hitler I'm not gonna kill that guy I'm not gonna kill an actor and ruin Indiana Jones 5 just cuz I don't understand costumes what does he mean that I'm walking down the street and I see like an old old man who I think might be Hitler based on my memory of what Hitler looks like I'm not gonna kill that guy either because I am often wrong I'd murder him and then people would run up and be like wow you just killed an old old man and I'd be like he looked like Hitler and they're like yeah a little look all I'm saying is wars have been started over agree Isis great asses caused a lot of problems a lot of wars and you know Cleopatra Helen of Troy who else um Hitler Hitler had agree ask okay let's see where that goes no Hitler Hitler did have a great ass it's an unpleasant fact of history but we have to face it many of the Nazis had great asses due to the marching that's what it was a tone for your buns are so firm one tight what is your secret oh you know just diet and goose-stepping this is my thing [Applause] all fields to burn oh that's when you know it's working I don't know that many Nazis did that but maybe they should have good ol Nazis that's what I say that's a phrase you don't hear often good old Nazis no listen NASA's are very useful if you're in my line of work because you know it's the one group of people you can really [ __ ] stick it to it nobody cares like no matter why I say but Nazis it's very unlikely I'm gonna got a letter or a tweet or an email tomorrow for something saying dear Craig I am a Nazi one time very absurd it's this negative stereotyping of Nazis because even if you are not seeing I've upset you [ __ ] you you're a nothing even even the neo-nazis the NiO of course means you the neo-nazis yeah yeah yeah well what's new about you why are we march up and down and we hate ethnic minorities that's not [ __ ] you that's the same as the old Nazis you want to be a noona so you got to bring something new to the party bedazzled that swastika mister let's see some heels in those jack boots I got it because these guys definitely got scopes no Nazi Nazis are just useful if you do what I do because you know there's only two groups of people you can talk about with any degree of safety everyone else is very very touchy and I don't mean touchy like mr. Magoo goon that used to live next door to me but I have to care [Applause] as rate laughing my pain you bastard and click I've got some change in my pocket he's a lovely man now everyone is very very sensitive everyone's very very you can't talk about anyone there's only two groups of people you can talk about with any degree of safety Nazis and Canadians that's it Nazis go circus a [ __ ] of you upset Nazis and Canadians because Canadians have figured out they're very smart they figure buddy have realized it's a [ __ ] joke Canadians are like oh yes that's right it's our [ __ ] job to be honest Canadians are just happy to be included this is like he's talking about us I know I know we're on our way no I'm kidding I'm not comparing Nancy's the Canadians and not the same at all not since fastest Canadians lovely lovely people Canadians a gentle civilized beautiful people till you give him a hockey stick then you lose the [ __ ] mind I don't know why the Canadian Army ball those were tanks and guns and bombs and [ __ ] you should just give the guys hockey sticks and go there they are boys the Taliban have the puck you know I read somewhere that Hitler had a grandson who was a convicted child molester imagine being the embarrassment to the Hitler family is there anything worse than being the Hitler who the other Hitler's don't talk about you know I read Mackenzie Phillips autobiography in her book she says when she was a little girl her father would climb into bed with her every night and have sex with her this to me was mind-boggling I can't get my daughter to hold my hand we cross the street we're running through one coming traffic trucks are whizzing past and she's pulling away from me and this guy's nailing his daughter every night I don't know how he does it I figure II just that's more confidence than I do and I'm not saying I want my daughter to have sex with me I just want her to know that Barbie Dreamhouse wasn't free you could show some appreciation he's one of those guys who just makes you hate him because you know we have a friend that you hate you can't break up with your friends you know he always starts conversations that I don't want to have you know he's like hey what would you do if you had a time machine [ __ ] you you know what I wouldn't use it I just let it sit my house I put a drink on it yeah it's a machine I never you wanted it not interested I'd use it to go back at 30 minutes ago and punch you in the [ __ ] face before you ask me that that's all one use so he goes well here's what I would do because of course that's the whole [ __ ] point of asking me is to stare at me while I say my and then head say his so he said if he had a time machine he would have killed Hitler like he would go back and kill Hitler I love that he thinks he could just kill Hitler just cuz he just goes back there and walk up and kill the dude and I was thinking that's a noble purpose for a time machine I would do it but I would have gone back then but I I wouldn't have killed Hitler I would have raped him that's what I thought because I think that would have been enough I think that would have stopped him from doing all that [ __ ] if he had been raped by me he never would have pulled any of that stuff man should we invade Poland no just take a shower I don't feel low self-esteem and you know not condoning rape obviously you should never rape anyone unless you have a reason like you want to [ __ ] somebody they won't let you in which case option do you have no LCA supposed to have an orgasm in their body if you don't rape oh man what the [ __ ]

Channel: LaughPlanet

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Keywords: jokes on Hitler, funny jokes on hitler, standup comedy, standup comedy hitler, comedy, funniest jokes, hilarious jokes, bits, ricky Gervais on Hitler, louis ck hitler, time machine, Norm MacDonald on germany, Norm Macdonald, Gilbert Gottfried, john Mulaney hitler, stories, standup stories, best of, hitler jokes

Id: 8AqIpVa81r0

Length: 13min 38sec (818 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 18 2019