Husband Announced Our Pregnancy On Family Dinner That Was Dedicated To Honor My Sister's Late BABY

so what happened has caused a huge conflict and most of my family members have pretty much cut contact with me my female 28 sister 25 had a stillbirth last week it was so devastating for her and her husband they had so much hope with having this baby after having a loss in the past my sister spent the following days at her home feeling exhausted and depressed i called her to check on her but she kept the conversation short my mom was very concerned and decided to invite her and her husband for dinner on sunday to get her to feel better and also since the family wanted to see my sister and support her so mom thought having a family dinner was a good idea on thursday i found out i was pregnant but i didn't tell anyone thinking the time wasn't right so only me and my husband knew about it we got there my husband was surprised to see the whole family was there saying he didn't expect that i sat with my sister before dinner she looked like a mess we cried together and i absolutely felt her sorrow and how she was struggling with her loss after that we all started having dinner while everyone was talking casually my husband called for everyone's attention said he wanted to take a minute to announce that i was pregnant and that we found out this week i was shocked speechless everyone started congratulating me while my sister got up and literally walked outside her husband followed her my parents were the only ones who didn't move they just stared at me and my husband disgusted a few minutes later her husband got back inside to get her bag and they left things got quiet my aunt cousin and her family started leaving i wanted to leave but my dad told us to stay because he wanted to talk to my husband i knew there was going to be a crap show since my husband had a history with them my father lost it he yelled at my husband and called what he did insensitive and inappropriate my husband wanted me to defend him but i just sat there while my dad was raising his voice for being disrespectful and inconsiderate and an idiot my husband responded with bringing up past issues said they were playing favorites and told them that because of this they will never see his kid we got kicked out by my dad we got home my husband blew up on me for not defending him but i yelled at him that what he did was very wrong and that my sister will most likely never talk to me again thinking i was behind this we argued for a few minutes and he told me to get lost and slam the door to go be with his buddies after i told him to fix his anger issues info i told my husband to not tell anyone about my pregnancy but he thought since the whole family was there that this was the perfect time he completely disregarded everyone's feelings i know he's my husband but they're my family and they were hurt my dad was hurt not the idiot why are you with this dude who is so ridiculously selfish and self-centered to announce that without your consent while your sister is grieving and then to expect you to defend him try to talk to your sister and tell her you weren't behind this and you're mad at your husband for doing it this behavior from your husband is honestly disgusting obviously you are not the idiot do you really want to raise a child with this kind of man whatever issues he may have with your family there's no excuse for purposefully hurting your sister while she's still reeling from a stillbirth is your husband trying to isolate you from your own family the whole thing is just dysfunctional and your husband comes across as tactless unfeeling and an idiot in general proceed with caution when it comes to your life together with this man i'm going to say you are the idiot not for not defending him but for not pulling your husband aside and ripping him a new one for not screaming at him the minute he told your family you should have pulled your husband aside the minute he stood up to make the announcement if my husband did crap like that i would throw him out you just sat there and did nothing that's at least what i read out of this post trying to stay as neutral here as possible my mom and dad split up when i was a kid my brother and my sister were young too we lived 50 50 with each parent when my brother was a bit older he was diagnosed with adhd the doctor said that he should take a stimulant medication for it but my dad was really nervous about medicating him and instead did a ton of research on the non-medication therapies that can help instead he put my brother on a special diet and exercise routine and was super strict with him about his schedule and memory exercises my mom did this on her time too but was only half as strict about it like she'd make one meal for all of us and let my brother play video games and take him running with her instead of making him special food and saying his after school and weekend time could only be for homework and exercise the way my dad did his grades got really awful and he started getting in some kind of small legal trouble and later his doctor and my mom started saying he needed to go on meds because my dad's therapies weren't working my dad refused to give legal permission for this and said it was just my brother being lazy and my mom sabotaging his treatment by not sticking with it so that she could be the cool parent when my sister was nearly adult the next year she was also diagnosed with adhd my dad said she was misdiagnosed and was just looking for attention and wouldn't give her permission to take meds either around then my mom took it to court and tried to overrule him for both my brother and sister the judge didn't allow that but did let them live with mom full time they both stopped talking to him when they turned 18. i always had a good relationship with all my family when both my siblings turned 18 they started taking meds and their lives really picked up my brother went from community college and probation to a good state school to a near ivy league grad program my sister went to a great school and has a business that's still doing really well my dad caught it over the summer and since then has been pestering me to help him reconcile with my siblings he's called them a couple times but since he won't apologize for not letting them take their meds as kids they don't want to hear it he wants me to show them that he made the right choice for their health and that everything they've accomplished is because he saved them from dangerous meds when their brains were still growing he says that since my mom sabotaged his relationships for them it's her fault they're not speaking and he deserves a second chance for months it's all i hear when we talk and now he started texting me about it too i finally snapped and told him he was in the wrong then and he's in the wrong now for being so stubborn his beliefs made my siblings young years pretty miserable and i don't think he deserves a second chance just because he's their dad i love him but this is his own fault and i won't be the middleman you are not wrong don't be the go-between here your dad made the choices that have led to your siblings ignoring him you're absolutely right you can set a boundary and refuse to talk to him about this you'd be justified in doing so you've been remarkably patient more than patient really you've endured a situation that no decent parent would ever put their kid in this isn't like letting a friend vent about an x until it turns into white noise your father harmed your siblings is too willful to acknowledge it and is trying to make the consequences of his negligence your responsibility homeopathic methods do not treat symptoms of adhd neither does talk therapy they can however enhance the overall treatment plan the only thing we have right now is medication treatment stimulants do not have to be taken all the time as they can cause growth impairment for some children that's why parents don't administer them on the weekends the summer and vacations your dad sounds like an idiot and believe me i have heard the same story from other patients furious and sad that their children want nothing to do with them i tell them the same thing every time once children turn 18 they have power and they can use that to cut off any relationship they want for any reason you are not wrong this isn't a big deal but i feel like i'm going crazy over it yesterday at dinner my daughter was telling my wife 40 and i 45 male about a guy she likes in school and she thinks he likes her back my wife and i were happy for her and i would support her liking anyone that treats her right and makes her happy she was telling us how he's smart funny and has a great six-pack i'm used to the girl talk my wife laughed and said something along the lines of as long as he's a good person my daughter replied well yeah but looks are also important i don't want to end up with someone like daddy i asked her what she meant by that i don't remember her exact words but it was along the lines of that i'm round bald and short there was no immediate just kidding from her i told her that that wasn't a nice thing to say and that she should apologize before she said anything though my wife chimed in teasing that guys were always so sensitive my daughter laughed i usually would immediately address this kind of situation but i was pretty upset and didn't want to scream or cry i know that's so lame i stayed mostly silent for the rest of dinner a bit of background i've recently been feeling more self-conscious i'm not ugly even if i was i have other qualities to make up for it and i know that my wife adores me but i've definitely noticeably gained some weight and lost some hair my wife is as stunning and youthful as the day i met her and my daughter is the spitting image of her however i have a feeling that if my daughter insulted her appearance she would be very offended and expect me to back her up before bed i addressed the issue with my wife i explained that it hurt my feelings that i want to teach my daughter to be kind to others and that it would mean a lot if we could both talk to my daughter about why saying that was not right my wife didn't take me seriously at all among the things she said was that the best way to make someone stop teasing you is to ignore it i don't want to treat my daughter like a middle school bully and that she my wife was also materialistic at that age but grew out of it on her own she also said that i was asking for it by asking her what she meant i told my wife that i was disappointed in her and i would be talking to my daughter alone when she comes home from school today i plan on talking to my daughter today both because i'm still offended and i really don't want her to say that to anyone else i don't plan on punishing her just having an honest conversation seeing where it goes nonetheless i'm partially wondering if i'm the idiot for escalating the situation since it's a one-off occurrence not the idiot your wife needs to have your back your daughter was just being a dumb girl and obviously wouldn't find a middle-aged man attractive so i wouldn't take it too personally but i agree you should speak to her so she understands words can hurt yeah the daughter's just a young girl what is the wife's excuse that she's just mean you are not the idiot the real nasty idiot here is your wife like a big gaping one yes exactly frankly given what we have heard here the daughter has been raised by her mother to think it's fine to talk about people especially men giving her comments this way given her response i wouldn't be surprised if the wife has made comments about him to the daughter and that's why the daughter thinks it's fine to say that about him when i was young my parents would talk about how much my aunt's kids were absolute brats they were whenever they came over they wrecked all my stuff one time i heard my aunt talking about them and how my oldest cousin was moving out and was an adult and wouldn't really be coming over anymore i said one brought down two to go i didn't get that that would be particularly insulting since my parents talked about it all the time they weren't very happy when i said it in front of the kids parents though and they had an awkward conversation with my aunt afterwards point is kids pick up what their family says and family members should probably not be surprised when they hear it repeated my son john has been dating carly for a few months this was probably the third time we'd met her i found her a little irritating the first two times but thought maybe i was just getting old she came over the other night and we had some family over including my dad and stepmom my wife and stepmom were talking and it kind of came to light to carly that i had cheated on my ex-wife with my current wife almost 30 years ago carly seemed very offended by this despite the fact it obviously has nothing to do with her she then asked my wife how she can feel comfortable that i won't cheat on her that is the type of conversation i would have expected her mom or best friend to have with her 30 years ago not this girl we hardly know my wife said that was a rude question and no she has never worried about me cheating carly would not drop it and kept trying to convince my wife once a cheater always a cheater which i find dumb for a plethora of reasons but even if i was cheating on my wife it isn't carly's business and for the record i have never once cheated on my wife i've never even been tempted to so no not always a cheater my son did nothing to defuse this so i told carly she was being rude and needs to mind her own business she shrugged and said she can't stand cheaters because her dad broke up their family and i probably had cheated that ticked me off because i love my wife and even if i've done a lot of things wrong marrying her was the one thing i really got right i called her a stupid witch and told her to get out she seemed taken aback but left my son acknowledges that she was wrong but claims her dad really affected her view of these things and i should give her a second chance but that we both need to apologize i said she needs to apologize for insulting a marriage she knows nothing about but my son said i should just be the bigger person i'm refusing to have her over again until she gives my wife and i a sincere apology edit i'm not sure why so many people think carly is a young girl but she is 24. why did you bring up your cheating past around someone you aren't willing to discuss it with this is on you for bringing it up you are the idiot for that and for calling her a horrible slur a hundred percent this guy is twice her age in numbers only disgusting to call your son's girlfriend or any woman misogynistic insults and why because she was voicing her discomfort when your wife casually joked about the two of you having an affair this dude is a straight up idiot you are the idiot first off you are supposed to be the rational one here she's fresh off the wounds inflicted by a guy who like you cheated on his wife and destroyed her family she doesn't trust her father anymore because of this and all you've proven is that she can't trust you either second what gives you the right to be so nasty to her you are the grown adult here act like one and apologize for insulting verbally third she has a point if you cheated once what's stopping you from cheating again you can't prove that you never will and honestly you are acting incredibly defensive about it which does have me wondering so i young male have a half sibling who we will call laura who is a female three years younger than me i lived with my dad about half my life since my mom moved cross-country with her boyfriend and i only saw her every other year or so when i was a kid she moved back to her estate and got 50 50 custody since at the time from my understanding my dad didn't have lawyer money and just made the agreement now we're doing a lot better as he made his own business when i went over to their house as a kid i had to split a room with laura i didn't know her and tried to be nice but she hated me from the start because i made them move but it was just because my mom didn't like california and decided to go live with her other child laura was an annoying kid and we always got into screaming matches she would always do stuff to get me ticked off like put quarters in my ps3 and hide stuff from me it went on for years and my mom and step dad didn't do anything well today was the final straw when i went over for the night well my dad went out of state to go help out with something and i didn't want to go so i just went to my mom's with just my laptop and clothes i went to my room that i still share with laura i was planning on watching a movie and going to bed then driving back to my dad's house well i had set everything up and put my laptop down to do stuff when i come back i find laura putting mayo inside of the air vents with a medical syringe and putting a lighter up to screen killing the pixels i yelled and told her to stop and she ran out of the room i checked the damage and the fans wouldn't work and couldn't even move and made my cpu overheat and shut off now this isn't a cheap laptop and it cost me over twenty three hundred dollars of my own money i couldn't afford the warranty and so i just didn't add it and was just always careful so now it's completely broken and i went downstairs and was so mad that i couldn't even say words and just yelled my mom asked me what happened and i explained and she said that it was just an accident i told her if she doesn't pay i'm gonna sue and i took my stuff and left i'm at my dad's house now by myself and i called him and told him and said he can pay for it but if i wanted to sue that's fine i'm having anxiety right now i want to know what you guys think and if i'm overreacting you are not wrong you may not have a cause of action that you can collect on it depends on whether the courts would hold her parents vicariously liable for her deeds or whether they would find her parents negligent but kid let me tell you this you would not be the idiot for suing name all three of them in the statement of claim go to the small claims court closest to you to file it they have a form you can fill in it's not complicated you do not need to be intimidated if you don't have a lawyer and they do the case is pretty cut and dried oh you should write what's called a demand letter it doesn't have to be fancy lara broke my computer and she did it deliberately it costs x amount of money to replace you have 14 days to pay if you don't i'm taking you all to court send it by registered mail so you'll have proof she received it i don't think you're overreacting at all your half-sister is a nightmare let's all pause a moment to thank god your mom didn't get to raise you thank your dad for us for not setting another idiot loose on the world and taking the time to rear a son who can pay for a laptop on his own your mom is an idiot so is your sister and stepfather you are justified in suing and definitely justified in never going there again i'm sorry you had such a rotten mother stepfather and a feral half sibling honestly that scene with the mayo sounds like some sort of psychopathic goblin instead of a kid her age edit for judgment you are not the idiot [Music]

Channel: ASK GURL

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit pregnancy announcement, reddit sister pregnant, reddit husband announced, reddit family reunion, reddit family dinner

Id: OVVOWkShHcw

Length: 19min 6sec (1146 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 10 2021