Iyanla: THEY SAY THAT A MAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE. THAT MEANS THAT THE MAN MUST BE THE KING OF THE CASTLE. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE KING ABDICATES THE THRONE TO BAD BEHAVIOR. THIS IS A FAMILY IN BREAKDOWN BECAUSE THE KING HAS ABANDONED THE THRONE. AND THE QUEEN AND ALL OF THE CASTLE-DWELLERS ARE IN BREAKDOWN. I MET MY WIFE WHEN I WAS 17 YEARS OLD. AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON HER. AND I TOLD HER AT THAT POINT THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE MY WIFE. WE ALREADY HAD ONE CHILD, WHICH WAS AVANTé. SHE -- SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH LAKESHA WHEN I -- WHEN WE HAD -- WHEN I HAD THE AFFAIR. Thelisha: HE TOLD ME THAT THIS GIRL IS TRYING TO SAY THAT HE HAS A BABY BY HER. AND -- BUT IT'S NOT TRUE. I SAID, "WELL, IF IT'S NOT TRUE, LET'S JUST GO GET A BLOOD TEST. WE'LL PROVE HER WRONG." THE RESULTS CAME BACK 99.9 PERCENT POSITIVE. Dwight: AFTER THE FIRST AFFAIR, YES, IT DID BECOME EASIER. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME? I TRUSTED YOU, I BELIEVED YOU, AND YOU LIED TO ME. Avanté: WHEN MY DAD LEAVES, I BELIEVE THAT HE IS BEING WITH OTHER WOMEN. IT USED TO MAKE MY MOM CRY. SOMETIMES SHE WOULD GO OUT LOOKING FOR HIM. BUT NOWADAYS, SOMETIMES HE'LL COME BACK. AND THEY JUST ACT LIVE EVERYTHING NORMAL. SO I'M BRINGING THIS FAMILY TO A NEUTRAL TERRITORY, A SAFE SPACE. THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE HERE VERY SOON. SO LET ME GET INSIDE. I AM IYANLA VANZANT. AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK. GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE. -GOOD MORNING. -COME IN. YOU LOOK NICE. WELL, YOU DO, TOO. HOW ARE YOU? -I'M GOOD. AND YOU ARE? -THELISHA HENRY. -AND YOU ARE? -I'M DWIGHT. HI, DWIGHT HENRY. MWAH. COME ON IN. Y'ALL LOOK A LITTLE HESITANT. MR. DWIGHT, YOU'RE KIND OF DRAGGING ALONG THERE. WHAT'S UP? YOU NERVOUS? IT'S NOT SO MUCH THAT I'M NERVOUS. IT'S JUST TRUSTING PEOPLE IS NOT GOOD FOR ME. LET HER TALK. LET -- LET ME -- LET ME -- LET ME -- LET ME SHARE WITH YOU WHY I'M HERE. MM-HMM? I'M HERE TO INTERRUPT THE PATTERN. THERE'S A PATTERN THAT GOES ON BETWEEN Y'ALL. -CORRECT. -I DON'T HAVE AN INVESTMENT ON WHETHER Y'ALL STAY TOGETHER OR NOT. -MM-HMM. -I'M HERE TO MAKE SURE THAT WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU DO IT FROM A PLACE OF LOVE, THAT YOU DO IT FROM A PLACE THAT'S HEALTHY FOR BOTH OF YOU. -OKAY. -NOW, WHAT I'M NOT HERE FOR IS FOR YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO DO THIS. AS THE HEAD AND THE LEAD OF THIS FAMILY, I'M TALKING TO YOU. AND HERE'S THE QUESTION. WHY AM I HERE, MR. DWIGHT? LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU'RE HERE. I LIKE THE WAY YOU DID THAT, THOUGH. I REALLY DO. I APPRECIATE THAT. I ALLOWED MY MOM TO MANIPULATE SOME THINGS IN OUR LIVES. AND, UH, BECAUSE OF THAT, IN 1997, MY WIFE WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, FINANCIALLY. AND THAT'S WHERE THE SLOPE WENT DOWN. SO NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I'M HERE TODAY... -MM-HMM. ...BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO Y'ALL IN 1997? -CORRECT. -I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT. I BELIEVE YOU BELIEVE IT, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU WHY YOU'RE HERE. NO, YOU -- YOU'RE TELLING ME A STORY. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU WHY YOU'RE HERE. OKAY, SO WHY AM I HERE, MR. DWIGHT? NOW, OKAY, WHEN THOSE THINGS TOOK PLACE, MY WIFE SHUT DOWN ON ME. OKAY? WHEN SHE SHUT DOWN ON ME, ME, NORMALLY, WHAT I DO WHEN THINGS GO WRONG IN MY LIFE OR I SEE TROUBLE, I RUN. SO WHAT I DID, INSTEAD OF COMMUNICATING WITH HER, I REVERTED BACK TO, UH, PAST BEHAVIOR, WHICH IS GOING TO FRIENDS. ARE THOSE FRIENDS MALE? HOLD ON. WELL, I -- YOU SAID COMPANIONSHIP. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU MEAN PLAYING CARDS OR HAVING SEX. -PLAYING CARDS, IT -- IT -- -OKAY. SO, UH, THEY ARE MEN? -YEAH, UH, SOME OF THEM ARE MEN. -OKAY. AND YOU ALSO HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS... -CORRECT. -THAT YOU GO TO FOR... -COMPANIONSHIP. -...COMPANIONSHIP. OKAY. NOW, AS A RESULT OF THAT, I HAD AN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR IN 1998... MM-HMM. ...WHICH AFFORDED ME TO HAVE A SON OUTSIDE OF MY MARRIAGE. AND BECAUSE OF THAT, SHE REALLY SHUT DOWN ON ME. AT THAT POINT, I, YOU KNOW, I GAVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST AND -- AND -- IN THE BEGINNING OF '99. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I GAVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST IN '99. OKAY, HOLD ON. OKAY? TAKE A BREATH. TAKE A BREATH, BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I DON'T DO. -OKAY. -I DON'T DO WELL AT ALL -- MASCULINE AGGRESSION. -OKAY. -I DON'T DO THAT WELL. -OKAY. -IT'S DISRESPECTFUL. -REALLY? -IT'S DISHONORABLE. SO I'M NOT CHALLENGING THAT YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE. -MM-HMM. THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS CHALLENGING. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS FOR YOU SO I CAN SEE WHAT IT MEANS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I MEAN, I WENT TO CHURCH. I WENT TO WORK. I DIDN'T LISTEN TO RAP MUSIC. I DIDN'T LISTEN TO R&B MUSIC. I DIDN'T DRINK ALCOHOL. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF READING MY BIBLE. IN DOING THAT, I DID WHAT MY WORD INSTRUCTED ME TO DO. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HEARD YOU. -MM-HMM. -BUT CAN I TALK TO HER AND LET ME GET HER CAUGHT UP TO WHERE WE ARE, AND THEN MAYBE WE CAN GET A LITTLE MORE CLARITY. MISS THELISHA, WHY AM I HERE? IYANLA, YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE DWIGHT DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE INTERNAL CONFLICT, WHETHER IT'S WITH ME AND HIM, WHETHER IT'S WITH HIM AND THE CHILDREN. HE GETS TURNED UP IN THE KITCHEN, IT MAY BE TURNED UP TOO HIGH WHEN HE'LL TAKE OFF. AND HE'S GONE. -WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LIKE, DOESN'T COME HOME, DOESN'T ANSWER THE PHONE. WE CAN'T FIND HIM. ARE YOU -- AM I -- AM I TO UNDERSTAND YOU'RE SAYING TO ME THAT IN THE PAST 9 YEARS, YOUR HUSBAND LEAVES THE HOME FOR DAYS, AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS? YEAH. I DIDN'T HAVE THE BEST BEHAVIOR BECAUSE I WAS RESPONDING OUT OF THE INFIDELITY. HE WOULD TRY TO OPEN UP, BE RESPONSIVE TO ME. AND I WASN'T RESPONSIVE TO HIM. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF HARD WHEN YOUR HUSBAND BRINGS HOME A BABY. THAT CAN BE VERY CHALLENGING FOR A WOMAN. -WOW. -IT CAN BE. REALLY? HOLD ON ONE SECOND. I REALLY DO HAVE AN ISSUE WITH AGGRESSIVE ENERGY TOWARDS WOMEN. AND I DON'T THINK MR. DWIGHT IS AWARE THAT HE'S BEING VERY AGGRESSIVE RIGHT NOW. WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM AND THEN I'M GONNA TALK TO YOU. I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT HERE. UM, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. MM-HMM? DOES YOUR HUSBAND DRINK OR DO DRUGS OR SOMETHING? YEAH, MM-HMM. YEAH. HE -- IS HE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING RIGHT NOW? HE HAD SOME WINE THIS MORNING. -HE HAD SOME THIS MORNING? -HIS NERVES. OKAY. ARE YOU LEAVING, MR. DWIGHT? EXCUSE ME? NO, NO, NO, MR. DWIGHT, COME HERE. LET ME -- LET ME JUST HAVE A QUICK CONVERSATION WITH YOU. YOU'RE NOT EVEN RIGHT, MR. DWIGHT. AND WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT ABOUT IT. I'M NOT GONNA FIGHT ABOUT IT. WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO IS TO SIT THERE. YOU CAN TALK TO HER. I'M GONNA STAND RIGHT HERE. OKAY. THE CRYING IS STRAIGHT UP MANIPULATION. I KNOW TEARS WHEN I SEE THEM. THOSE ARE NOT TEARS. AND YOU ARE SO SHUT DOWN. SHUT DOWN. IT'S IN YOUR FACE, IT'S IN YOUR MOUTH, IT'S IN YOUR BODY -- DISCONNECTED FROM WHO YOU ARE AS A WOMAN, THAT YOU WOULD TOLERATE THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR. I TELL YOU WHAT. YOU GO SIT DOWN, LEAVE HIS ASS OUTSIDE. COME ON. I BROUGHT MY FAMILY TO YOU. -NO, YOU DIDN'T. -I DID. -YOUR FAMILY BROUGHT YOU -- -I BROUGHT MY FAMILY TO YOU. -WATCH IT. -NO, YOU WATCH IT. I HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN BY BEING MANIPULATIVE. NO, YOU DON'T, BUT IT'S YOUR PATTERN. SUGAR, AT THE END OF THE DAY -- DID YOU SAY "SUGAR"? Iyanla: THIS COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP IS ON LIFE SUPPORT. MR. DWIGHT FREQUENTLY LEAVES HOME FOR DAYS ON END AND CONTINUES TO HAVE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS. WHILE STAYING IN THIS TROUBLED RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT THELISHA CHOOSES TO DO, THAT CHOICE HAS LEFT HER NUMB, BROKEN, AND VOICELESS. Iyanla: I'M CONCERNED ABOUT THIS WOMAN THAT I SEE IN FRONT OF ME, TOTALLY SHUT DOWN. I DID SHUT DOWN BECAUSE -- YOUR HUSBAND BROUGHT HOME A BABY! HELLO? HE BETTER BE GLAD HE'S STILL GOT HIS PIECES AND PARTS IN THE PLACES THAT GOD PUT THEM. WHAT DID THAT DO TO YOU? -IT CRUSHED ME. I AIN'T NEVER BEEN BETRAYED LIKE THAT. TALK TO ME -- TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT. I WAS -- I FELT BETRAYED. -YEAH, BETRAYAL. -I FELT -- VIOLATED. I DID. SHE WOULD CALL. AND HE CAN -- HE TOLD ME -- -"SHE" WHO? -THE -- THE MOTHER. -CALL? -ON HIS CELL PHONE. IF SOME BROAD SHOWS UP TALKING ABOUT SHE'S SLEEPING WITH MY MAN, WE GOT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION. -AND I DID. AND YOU HAD A CONVERSATION WITH WHO? I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH DWIGHT. HE WAS STILL TELLING ME, "NO, BABY, IT'S NOT TRUE." NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU DON'T HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH THE OWNER OF A PENIS ABOUT WHERE THE PENIS BEEN. WHAT DID HE SAY TO YOU? I SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" AND I GOT THE TEARS. AND HE LEFT. AND HE CAME BACK HOME, LIKE, IN ANOTHER WORLD, JUST -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? -HIGH. -HIGH. YEAH, AND HE HAD TO SLEEP IT OFF AND COME DOWN. THIS IS WHEN HE STARTED DRINKING HEAVILY. -SO DRINKING AND DRUGS. -MM-HMM. -DO YOU LOVE HIM? -I LOVE HIM, BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. ARE YOU SAD? I -- I'M NOT SAD ANYMORE. ARE YOU NUMB? YES, NUMB. YOU'RE NUMB AS A PROTECTIVE MEASURE. IS THAT WHY YOU HAD THE WEIGHT ON AS A KID? YEAH. I KIND OF -- WHAT WERE YOU PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM? MY DADDY LEFT ME AND ABANDONMENT. AND THEN, UH, ABANDONMENT SHOWS UP IN MY MARRIAGE. YOU KNOW, ALL WOMEN MARRY THEIR FATHERS, WHO HE WAS, THE OPPOSITE OF WHO HE WAS, OR WHO THEY WANTED HIM TO BE. -WHY? -WE JUST DO. BECAUSE IF WE DON'T CLEAN UP OUR HEARTS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS ABOUT MISSING DADDY, WE CAN ATTRACT TO US THE PERSON VIBRATING AT THE SAME ENERGY LEVEL DADDY WAS SO THAT WE GET TO CLEAN IT UP AGAIN. I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTERS TO GO THROUGH WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH IT ALREADY. Iyanla: THELISHA'S CAPACITY AND MOTIVATION TO BE PROACTIVE AS A WOMAN, A MOTHER AND A WIFE SEEM TO HAVE ESCAPED HER. SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO DIG DEEP TO FIND THE COURAGE TO LET DWIGHT KNOW THAT SHE HAS ENDURED ENOUGH. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF MY BEING HERE? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? I JUST -- I NEED TO BE HEALED. I NEED TO BE HEALED FROM THE WOUNDS OF MY MARRIAGE, UM, BECAUSE THEY -- THEY RUN DEEP. TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW NOW THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHEN YOU GOT HERE THIS MORNING. THAT I REALLY DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT NO MORE AND THAT I REALLY HAVE BEEN OUT OF TOUCH FOR A LONG TIME. AND I AIN'T EVEN KNOW. THELISHA IS FINALLY STARTING TO SEE HERSELF IN A NEW WAY. AND SHE'S BEGINNING TO REALIZE HOW THE YEARS OF NEGLECT AND ABUSE HAVE TAKEN A STRONGHOLD ON HER SPIRIT AND HER SENSE OF SELF. AND THAT'S OKAY. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO REACH BACK AND RECLAIM HER WOMAN-NESS, WITH OR WITHOUT DWIGHT. I REALLY WANT YOU TO KIND OF LIMIT YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM FOR RIGHT NOW. BUT LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU'RE LIMITING THEM BY SIMPLY SAYING, "WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW." BECAUSE WE GOT TO INTERRUPT THIS PATTERN, OKAY? NO ULTIMATUMS. -NO ULTIMATUMS. UH-HUH. ALL RIGHTY. THIS IS, LIKE, A REAL PROBLEM BECAUSE "A," I THINK THIS MAN IS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING. AND "B," HIS BEHAVIOR IS SO DESPERATELY MANIPULATIVE UNTIL I'M HAVING A REAL HARD TIME KEEPING MYSELF TOGETHER AND BEING RESPECTFUL. THIS -- THIS IS A PROBLEM. AND WHAT I'M GONNA SEE IS WHETHER I'M GONNA BE -- TALK TO HIM OR TALK TO HIS DAUGHTERS AND JUST LET HIM STEW FOR A WHILE. WHEN WILL YOU STOP RUNNING? WHEN WILL YOU BE HONEST? WHEN WILL YOU BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR RIGHT NOW? YOU AND ME, WE'RE DONE FOR THE DAY. I NEED YOU TO COME BACK HERE TOMORROW WITH NO ALCOHOL ON YOUR BREATH AND NO MIND-ALTERING DRUGS IN YOUR SYSTEM. HERE'S WHAT I KNOW. I KNOW THAT IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A MARRIAGE. AND THOSE TWO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE JOINED IN MIND AND HEART AND VISION AND PURPOSE AND LOVE. AND WHAT I KNOW IS THAT THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE SO FAR APART THAT NOT ONLY IS THERE NO MARRIAGE, I DON'T EVEN THINK THERE'S A FRIENDSHIP. BEFORE I CAN DEAL WITH ANYTHING DEALING WITH THE TWO OF THEM BEING TOGETHER, I GOT TO DEAL WITH THEM AS INDIVIDUALS. SO I'M GONNA TALK TO MR. DWIGHT. MR. DWIGHT, COME. [ SNIFFLES ] I'M GOOD. I OFFER YOU MY HAND IN FRIENDSHIP. COME ON. I HEARD YOU SAY -- I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HEARD YOU. -I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE. -CAN I FINISH A SENTENCE? SURE. I HEARD YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T TRUST PEOPLE. I DON'T. WELL, BECAUSE WHAT I DO IS NOT ONLY A MINISTRY BUT A HEALING PROCESS... -UH-HUH. ...I NEED YOU TO AT LEAST BE WILLING TO TRUST BECAUSE I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU A REASON NOT TO TRUST ME. WE -- WE HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING. SO YOU MAY HAVE YOUR REASONS FOR NOT TRUSTING PEOPLE. BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE I'M COMMITTED TO SUPPORTING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN HEALING. WELL, I -- I DIDN'T COME HERE NOT TRUSTING YOU OR THE GIFT THAT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU. BUT DUE TO WHAT TOOK PLACE EARLIER, I MEAN, YOU SUBTRACTED THAT BECAUSE OF -- WELL, I WOULD SAY YOUR ACTION. -OKAY. -AND I'M JUST BEING HONEST. -NO. -YOU JUST SPOKE TO ME. -YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATIVE. CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT. NOW, THERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH THE NAMES, OKAY? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I DON'T DO THAT. OKAY? I DON'T DO THAT. -YOU DON'T DO WHAT? NOW, HERE YOU ARE TELLING ME TO TRUST YOU. AND YOU'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT ME BEING MANIPULATIVE. -YEAH, IT IS MANIPULATIVE. -CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT. IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL -- LISTEN TO ME. I'M NOT -- I'M NOT HERE TO MANIPULATE YOU. OKAY? I CAME HERE FOR HELP. I CAME HERE BEING HONEST ABOUT EVERY, SINGLE THING. AND NOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I'M MANIPULATING YOU? -YEAH. MM-HMM. -HOW? BECAUSE I ASKED YOU NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, NOT THREE TIMES, BUT PROBABLY FIVE OR SIX TIMES WHY WAS I HERE. YOU SAID TO ME WHAT SHE DID. I HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN BY BEING MANIPULATIVE. NO, YOU DON'T, BUT IT'S YOUR PATTERN. OKAY, IT'S FINE. -AND LIKE I SAID... -IT'S FINE. ...I'M HERE TO INTERRUPT THE PATTERN. -THAT'S FINE. -SO THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO WORK WITH YOUR WIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTERS. -I APPRECIATE THAT. AND HOPEFULLY, THAT IN DOING THE WORK WITH THEM, IT'LL SUPPORT YOU. -SUGAR, AT THE END OF THE DAY -- -DID YOU SAY "SUGAR"? I'M NOT YOUR SUGAR. -YOU TAKE IT HOW YOU WANT IT. OKAY. THANK YOU. Iyanla: JUST LIKE DWIGHT HIMSELF STATED EARLIER, HIS FIRST IMPULSE IS TO RUN WHEN A SITUATION BECOMES UNCOMFORTABLE. IT HAS BEEN HIS PATTERN FOR MANY YEARS. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, DWIGHT GETS OUT. WHAT HE IS UNAWARE OF IS THAT I HAVE TAKEN THELISHA AND HIS DAUGHTERS' PHONES. THIS MEANS HE CAN NO LONGER REACH THEM AT HIS EVERY WHIM, AGAIN INTERRUPTING HIS PATTERN OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. YOU SEE ME CALLING YOUR PHONE, YOU SITTING THERE, LISTENED TO HER. YOU WON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHILE I'M TRYING TO CALL YOU. BUT IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANT TO BE, THEN THAT'S FINE. -I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE. -WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE? THEY BEEN TOOK MY PHONE, DWIGHT. DWIGHT, I HAD TO GIVE THEM MY PHONE WHEN -- WHEN THE FIRST TIME WE -- YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR PHONE RINGING ON THE SET. BUT I HAVE MY PHONE. I TURNED MY PHONE OFF. -WHY ARE YOU IN THE CAR? -WHY AM I IN THE CAR? HEY, YOU DON'T LET HER JUST COME AND FORCE YOU AWAY WHILE YOU TALK TO ME. Iyanla: YOUR HUSBAND HAS DECIDED NOT TO PARTICIPATE. HE FEELS THAT I DISRESPECTED HIM. AND HE DOESN'T TRUST ME. AND I TOLD HIM THAT THIS PROCESS CAN'T WORK WITHOUT TRUST. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE, HAVING WOMEN AND -- AND THE PEOPLE JUST TALK DOWN TO ME. AND YOU SIT UP THERE THINKING YOU JUST GONNA TALK DOWN TO ME. MAN, PLEASE. DID SOMEBODY GIVE YOU A WRONG IDEA ABOUT WHY I WAS COMING? -NO. I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOUR SHOW FOR QUITE SOME TIME. I KNOW WHAT YOU DO. -DOES HE KNOW? THELISHA. THELISHA! SHE'S JUST SITTING THERE IGNORING ME LIKE DOGGONE THIS IS HER BEST FRIEND. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU HAVE THAT HE WANTS? -MY ATTENTION. -YOU GONNA -- YOU GONNA KEEP IGNORING ME? YOU COME UP HERE? -NO. -WHAT AM I COMING UP THERE FOR? OKAY, THEN, HOLD ON FOR A MINUTE. I ALREADY HELD ON FOR A MINUTE. YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DISENGAGE. YEAH. YOU LISTENING TO THAT BULL CRAP SHE'S GIVING THAT OUT? I'M TALKING ABOUT FOR REAL. TELL ME WHAT -- WHAT'S GOING ON, WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHAT'S HAPPENING 'CAUSE HE'S CREATING THAT. AND I'M TALKING TO YOU AND...OKAY? SO TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING. I -- I -- I MEAN, IT'S JUST NEW TO ME. 'CAUSE I'M USUALLY, "OKAY, DWIGHT." I ENTERTAIN IT. OH, HE'S COMING. NOW, HE'S COMING. OKAY. SO YOU CAN'T COME TALK TO ME? -I'M COMING -- -SHE'S THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU? -IT'S NOT ABOUT -- -THAT'S A FORM OF MANIPULATION. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, HE'S MAKING YOU WRONG. ABOUT THE CHOICE THAT YOU ARE MAKING FOR YOURSELF. HE'S MAKING YOU WRONG. HE'S MAKING THIS ABOUT ME, NOT ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE AWARE OF THAT. AND I'M NOT STOPPING YOU FROM GOING, BUT I'M INTERRUPTING THE PATTERN. I'M INTERRUPTING THE PATTERN. I'M INTERRUPTING THE PATTERN. OF WHAT? OF ME BEING MANIPULATIVE? THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE INTERRUPTING THE PATTERN OF? I WAS MANIPULATIVE? DWIGHT, WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS? NO, HOLD ON 'CAUSE, SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING TO ME. -I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING. -WHY ARE YOU -- WHY... JUST LOOK AT HIM. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND. HE CAN SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS TO SAY. -SHE'S YOUR LIFE COACH NOW? -HE LEFT. WOW. I LEFT BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA STAND HERE WHILE YOU DO THAT TO ME. YOU DON'T REALIZE MY MOTHER DID THAT TO ME. MY GRANDFATHER DID THAT TO ME. AND I'M SUPPOSED TO STAND HERE AND WATCH YOU DO IT? SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME, NOT CALLING ME NAMES. I BROUGHT MY FAMILY TO YOU. -NO, YOU DIDN'T. -I DID. -YOUR FAMILY BROUGHT -- -I BROUGHT MY FAMILY TO YOU. -BACK UP. -I AGREED. -WATCH IT. -NO, YOU WATCH IT. NO, YOU WATCH IT. -I'M NOT THAT, BRO. -THAT'S MY MOTHER, SON. -I'M NOT THAT, BRO. -I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE. -I'M NOT -- -I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE. I'M NOT THAT. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE, THOUGH, MAN. I'M THAT. I'M THAT, THOUGH. -I'M NOT. I'M NOT. I'M THAT. I'M THAT. I'M THAT, THOUGH. I'M THAT. YO, BACK UP OFF MY MOM, SON. Iyanla: HE NEEDS TO THAT THAT KIND OF THING EXISTS. HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT IT EXISTS. YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT. YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT TO PEOPLE. AND THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN A MAN STEPS IN FOR YOU. I WOULD NEVER DISRESPECT YOUR MOTHER. BUT YOU DID, BELOVED. AND THAT'S WHAT WE WANT YOU TO GET. YOU ARE BEING DISRESPECTFUL. I HAVE SO MUCH TRUTH TO GET OUT OF ME. LET ME DO THIS REAL CLEAN. YOU GO HOME AND SOBER UP. -SOBER UP? AND WHEN YOU GET SOBER, COME BACK, AND WE'LL DEAL. PLEASE GET HIM OFF THE SET, DONE, OFF THE SET. EXCUSE ME. YOU DON'T WANT TO COME TALK TO ME BEFORE I LEAVE, RIGHT? -PLEASE LEAVE, SIR. -HUH? OKAY. Iyanla: HE'S GONNA FIGHT TO BE RIGHT. I JUST WANT YOU TO START LISTENING AND HEARING AND PAYING ATTENTION. SO YOU CAN GO AND TALK TO HIM OR NOT. IT'S UP TO YOU. -I'LL GO TALK TO HIM... -OKAY. -...AND I'LL COME RIGHT BACK. Iyanla: OKAY. Thelisha: DWIGHT, WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS? THELISHA, I'M NOT GONNA STAND THERE WHILE SHE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT. AND, THELISHA, HAD YOU BEEN HONEST IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND TOLD THE TRUTH -- -I TOLD THE TRUTH. YOU WERE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHEN YOU WANT HELP, AND YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, YOU DON'T ACT LIKE YOU ACTING. -HOW AM I ACTING? DWIGHT, YOU KNOW HOW YOU ACTING RIGHT NOW. -COME ON. -THELISHA, IT STARTED BECAUSE OF THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED INSIDE. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS RIGHT NOW, DWIGHT. REALLY? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURS. YOU DON'T GIVE NOBODY A CHANCE. WE GOING THERE TO TALK. IT'S OKAY. -WHEN WILL YOU STOP RUNNING? -WHEN WILL YOU BE HONEST? WHEN WILL YOU BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR RIGHT NOW? I'M ALREADY BEING HONEST ABOUT MY BEHAVIOR. BUT I'M NOT GONNA STAND THERE AND -- AND ACCEPT THIS. I'M NOT. -OKAY. -I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS. -YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Iyanla: IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO ACCEPT IT, THELISHA, COME ON. WE GOT WORK TO DO. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU AND THE GIRLS. HE'S NOT ACCEPTING IT. LET'S GO. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU WALK AWAY FROM THIS CAR BECAUSE SHE'S CALLING YOU. ALL OF THESE -- I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU DO THAT TO ME RIGHT NOW. AND THAT WOULD GIVE ME -- -TO YOU? THAT WOULD GIVE ME THE ANSWER THAT I NEED. IF YOU WANT HELP, YOU'LL COME INSIDE. THAT'S ALL I'LL SAY. -THAT'S HELP, RIGHT THERE? THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY ABOUT IT. YOU GONNA RECREATE WHAT YOU SAW, BABY. IT'S ALREADY STARTED. YOU MATTER. MISS THELISHA, YOU MATTER. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE FOR YOU OR SAFE FOR THEM, EMOTIONALLY, FOR US TO CONTINUE THIS PROCESS WITH YOU TODAY. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. -MR. DWIGHT... -I TRIED TO EXPLAIN. ...GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP. Dwight: I DON'T NEED TO TAKE A NAP. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO YOU FROM THE BEGINNING THE THINGS THAT TOOK PLACE IN MY LIFE, YOU KNOW, I -- I -- I MEAN... MY MAMA DID THOSE THINGS TO ME. YOU DON'T GET TO CONTROL THIS PROCESS, MR. DWIGHT. CAN YOU LISTEN FOR A SECOND? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR STORIES RIGHT NOW. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, WHY AM I HERE? -I'M SICK OF THIS CYCLE. -OF? -OF -- OF -- OF RUNNING AWAY. -YEAH. I'M SICK OF THIS CYCLE OF DOGGONE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY WIFE THAT WE CAN'T RESOLVE. -OKAY. -I'M SICK OF -- I'M SICK OF THE -- THE BEHAVIOR. I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING. -OKAY. ARE YOU SICK OF GOING AWAY FROM HOME AND STAYING OUT THREE OR FOUR DAYS? -OF COURSE. ARE YOU SICK OF THAT? MR. DWIGHT, I'M HERE TO INTERRUPT THE PATTERN. YOU AND HER, YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTERS, YOU WITH YOURSELF HAVE SOME DYSFUNCTIONAL, UNHEALTHY, DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS. YOU AND ME, WE'RE DONE FOR THE DAY. IF YOU WANT TO BE ENGAGED IN THE PROCESS, I NEED YOU TO COME BACK HERE TOMORROW WITH NO ALCOHOL ON YOUR BREATH AND NO MIND-ALTERING DRUGS IN YOUR SYSTEM. SOME MIND-ALTERING DRUGS IS IN MY SYSTEM? I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW YOU, MR. DWIGHT. BUT I SMELL ALCOHOL. -YOU SMELL WINE. -IT'S ALCOHOL. OKAY. I HAD -- I HAD SOME WINE COMING DOWN HERE. -OKAY -- OKAY, SO -- -I RESPECT THAT. UM, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I NEED TO DROP THIS TRUCK OFF AND COME BACK AND GET THE CAR BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO BEEN DROPPING THIS CAR TO GET IT REPAIRED TODAY. -OKAY. IF YOU WANT TO COME BACK TOMORROW AND RE-ENGAGE IN THE PROCESS, I PROMISE YOU, I WILL BE HERE. AND I WILL WELCOME YOU. [ ENGINE STARTS ] I NEED TO BE HERE TODAY. BUT IF YOU DON'T NEED ME HERE TODAY, I UNDERSTAND. OKAY. I KNOW THAT DWIGHT IS TERRIFIED THAT EVERYTHING HE KNOWS AND EVERYTHING THAT HE'S BEEN ABOUT IS ABOUT TO BE INTERRUPTED. BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT TOLERATE AGGRESSIVE, DISHONORABLE, OR DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR. I JUST REALLY WANT HIM TO GO HOME AND GET IN HIS RIGHT MIND. AND WE CAN START THIS ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW. THE BEHAVIOR I'M SEEING TODAY IS NOT NEW. IF HE DOES IT HERE, HE DOES IT EVERYWHERE, AND IT IS TEARING HIS FAMILY APART. BUT NOW THAT DWIGHT HAS CHOSEN TO STEP AWAY FROM THIS PROCESS FOR THE MOMENT, I'VE INVITED HIS DAUGHTERS, AVANTé AND LAKESHA, TO SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCE IN AN OPEN AND SAFE ENVIRONMENT. HELLO, SUNSHINE. -HELLO. SO, NOW, YOU ARE... -LAKESHA. -LAKESHA. HI. AND YOU MUST BE MISS AVANTé. YOU LOOK LIKE MY GRANDDAUGHTER, LITTLE THING, YOU. COME ON IN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. TELL ME WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT. I WANT FOR MY FAMILY AND I TO BE ABLE TO COEXIST. MY DAD AND I DO NOT GET ALONG. IT'S LIKE A DARK CLOUD IN THE HOUSE. I DON'T GO THERE WHEN MY DAD'S THERE. -WHERE DO YOU GO? -I LIVE WITH MY -- WITH MY COUSIN AND MY GRANDMA. -OH, OKAY. -I DON'T LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. -OKAY. MY DAD KICKED ME OUT, SO I DON'T -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN KICKED YOU OUT? THE SUMMER AFTER MY SOPHOMORE YEAR OF COLLEGE, HE KICKED ME OUT THAT SUMMER BECAUSE HE FELT AS THOUGH I WAS BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO HIM. AND HE FELT AS THOUGH I WAS BEING DISRESPECTFUL BECAUSE I WASN'T SPEAKING TO HIM. NEITHER OF US WERE SPEAKING TO HIM. AND IN THE PROCESS OF ME LEAVING, THAT'S WHEN I GOT INTO MY CAR ACCIDENT AND TOTALED MY CAR. [ Voice breaking ] AND I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY MOM. I WAS LIKE, "MOMMY, I JUST GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT." I'M CRYING MY EYES OUT. AND SHE'S TRYING TO COME SEE ME. HE WOULDN'T GIVE HER THE KEYS TO COME SEE ME. [ SNIFFLES ] SHE MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO CHALLENGE THE DIFFICULT TIMES AND THE DIFFICULT MOMENTS. Iyanla: THERE IS A FIERY SPIRIT IN AVANTé, BUT THE NEGLECT SHE'S HAD TO COPE WITH FROM BOTH HER PARENTS HAS HURT HER DEEPLY. WHAT ABOUT YOU? HOW ARE YOU WITH YOUR DAD? I LOVE MY DADDY. BUT -- OF COURSE. LISTEN TO HER. "MY DADDY." THAT TELLS THE STORY RIGHT THERE. BUT WE JUST DON'T TALK. SOMEBODY WHO SAYS, "I LOVE MY DADDY," THAT TELLS ME ABOUT YOUR HEART FOR HIM. WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR HEART WHEN HE'S NOT THERE? WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF WHEN HE'S NOT THERE? I HOPE HE'S OKAY. SO YOU'RE -- YOU'VE DONE WHAT YOUR MOTHER'S DONE. YOU'VE NUMBED OUT. I'M LOOKING AT YOUR EYES -- VACANT. Iyanla: WHILE ONE CHILD STRUGGLES WITH THE SHORTCOMINGS OF HER MOTHER AS A ROLE MODEL, THE OTHER CHILD SEEMS TO BE FOLLOWING DIRECTLY IN HER MOTHER'S FOOTSTEPS BY NUMBING HERSELF TO THE CLEAR AND PRESENT PAIN SHE'S EXPERIENCING. TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR FATHER. I KNOW THAT MY DAD'S BEEN WITH -- WITH DIFFERENT WOMEN. I KNOW THAT, OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE I HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER. AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? I WASN'T MAD. YOU'RE NOT MAD THAT YOUR FATHER'S RUNNING AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN? THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU MAD? -WELL, IT DOES. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET MAD? I GO IN MY ROOM, AND I LISTEN TO MUSIC. YEAH. SEE, THE REASON I'M ASKING IS 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF PADDING ON YOUR BODY. WHEN A WOMAN PADS HER BODY, SHE'S, FIRST OF ALL, BACKING PEOPLE UP OFF OF HER AND, SECOND OF ALL, PROTECTING HERSELF FROM HURT. THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU, "DID IT HURT YOU?" SO WHERE ARE YOU IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOM? 'CAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY Y'ALL KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOUR MOM AND DAD. WELL, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THIS WAS GOING ON, MY MOM WOULDN'T SLEEP IN THE BED WITH MY DAD. SHE WOULD SLEEP IN MY BED. SO IF I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW, I KNEW THEN, BECAUSE SHE WAS SLEEPING IN MY BED. BUT CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHE DID TELL US, YOU KNOW, IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE. BUT AT THE TIME, WE WEREN'T THINKING ABOUT THAT. WE WERE JUST TRYING TO CONSOLE OUR MOTHER. Iyanla: WHEN CHILDREN ARE PUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR PARENTS' PRIVATE MATTERS, ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER, HUSBAND AND WIFE, CHILD AND PARENT. THEY ALL BEGIN TO BREAK DOWN. Avanté: ME AND MY DAD, BEFORE WE STARTED FEUDING SO MUCH, WE USED TO TALK EVERY DAY. WELL, WHAT DO YOU FEUD ABOUT? THERE'S ALWAYS AN ISSUE ABOUT SOMETHING. AND THEN, THERE'S THE ISSUE OF MY BOYFRIEND. HE DOESN'T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND. DO YOU KNOW WHY HE PROBABLY DOESN'T LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND? HE SAID HE FEELS AS THOUGH HE -- HE'S NOT GONNA RESPECT ME. WHEN I THINK ABOUT WHAT HE HAS MODELED FOR YOU, YEAH, I'D BE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIENDS, TOO. BECAUSE THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA END UP SHOWING YOU THAT THEY'RE HIM. WHERE'S GOD IN THIS FOR YOU? I STRUGGLE WITH MY FAITH. WHY? MY DAD WAS A DEACON. THEN, I GOT A LITTLE BIT OLDER. AND MY DAD WAS ORDAINED AS A MINISTER. SO IT WAS, LIKE, ALL OF THIS STUFF GOING ON. I HAVE A VERY HARD TIME DEALING WITH HYPOCRITES, AND MY FATHER IS THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE I KNOW. BUT I RESPECT HIM. AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S THAT I RESPECT -- I LOVE HIM. -I KNOW YOU DO. AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE HURT SO HARD. IT HURTS SO BAD. WHAT DO YOU WANT? DON'T LIE TO ME. THERE'S NO CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR, AND THERE'S NO BOUNDARY. BEFORE YOU CAN RE-ENGAGE TOMORROW, YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE A DRUG TEST AND A BREATHALYZER. THE PATH TO HEALING FOR THIS FAMILY IS Y'ALL GOT TO BE WILLING TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY. AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, TO MAKE SURE YOU FIGHT FAIR, THAT YOU SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY, AND THAT YOU GET THE DECKS CLEARED SO THAT YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD. YOUR DAD IS NOT THE BAD GUY HERE. ALL OF YOU ARE COMPLICIT. A MAN THAT YOU LOVE -- THAT YOU LOVE -- LEAVES YOU AND COMES BACK WITH NO EXPLANATION. THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL EXPECT FROM YOUR HUSBAND. AND YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. PROBABLY A REALLY NICE GUY. I WOULDN'T NECESSARY MARRY HIM OR MOVE IN WITH HIM RIGHT NOW TILL I GET SOME OF THIS STUFF CLEANED UP. YOU'RE GONNA RECREATE WHAT YOU SAW, BABY. IT'S ALREADY STARTED. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP. AND I SEE MY BOYFRIEND, IN A WAY, AS MY MOM. AND I SEE ME, IN A WAY, AS MY DAD. THERE IT IS. BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD TEMPER NOW. I'LL GET REALLY UPSET WITH MY BOYFRIEND SOMETIMES. AND I'LL LASH OUT AT HIM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? THE KEY WORD HERE IS "LASHING OUT." YEAH. BECAUSE LASHING OUT AT SOMEBODY ELSE NOT ONLY HARMS THEM, IT DISHONORS YOU. RIGHT. IF YOU THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD GO AWAY AND STOP LIKING YOU, YOU WOULDN'T BEHAVE IN THAT WAY. YOU JUST WOULDN'T. THERE'S NO CONSEQUENCE. BUT YOUR FATHER CAN GO AWAY FOR FOUR DAYS AND COME BACK AND THERE'S NO CONSEQUENCE. SO WE GOT TO FIGURE THAT OUT. I GOT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MOM 'CAUSE THERE'S SOME DANGER SIGNS HERE. BUT SO DO YOU. YOU ALSO HAVE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FATHER BECAUSE SAYING NOTHING GIVES THE IMPRESSION THAT THE BEHAVIOR IS ACCEPTABLE. YOUR LIFE IS AT STAKE. YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE. AND THIS FAMILY PATHOLOGY, THIS LEVEL OF CRAZY, CANNOT CONTINUE. YOU JUST GOT TO BE WILLING TO DO WHAT'S REQUIRED. -I AM. -YOU ARE? I'M TIRED OF IT. -EXCUSE ME. -YES, MA'AM. IF NOT, I'M GONNA TELL. [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A HUG. Iyanla: AVANTé AND LAKESHA HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN IN THEIR YOUNG LIVES. AND BEING FORCED TO PARENT THEIR PARENTS HASN'T BEEN EASY. MY INTENTION IS TO SHOW THEM THAT CHANGE IS COMING AND BETTER DAYS LIE AHEAD, BUT ONLY IF THEY STILL HAVE SOME FIGHT LEFT IN THEM. WHAT A DAY. AS THE ANCHOR OF THIS FAMILY, THELISHA NEEDS TO BE FULLY FUNCTIONING AND AVAILABLE TO HER DAUGHTERS. SO I THINK IT'S TIME TO HIT HER WITH SOME HARD, COLD TRUTHS. I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO REALLY STAND UP WITHIN YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF. I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF IN THE PRESENCE OF AGGRESSION. I DON'T. -ARE YOU IN DENIAL? -I'M NOT IN DENIAL. MAYBE I TOLD MYSELF A LIE FOR SOMETIME BECAUSE I LOVED HIM. DID YOU LOVE HIM, OR DID HE GIVE YOU A REALLY GOOD FEELING ABOUT WHO YOU WERE AS A BIG GIRL? HE GAVE ME A GOOD FEELING ABOUT WHO I WAS AS A BIG GIRL. POWERFUL AWARENESS, MOTHER. DON'T MISTAKE THAT AND EVERYTHING THAT'S UNFOLDED SINCE THERE AS LOVE. SO WAS YOUR BIGNESS STUFFING FEELINGS OR HIDING? IT WAS MORE TO -- HIDING, COMFORT. WHAT WERE YOU HIDING FROM? THE PAIN OF ABANDONMENT FROM MY FATHER NOT BEING THERE. WHAT ABOUT EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT? YEAH. -DID YOU EXPERIENCE THAT? -UH, YES, I DID EXPERIENCE -- -FROM? -FROM MY MOM. I KNOW. I WANT YOU TO KNOW LAKESHA IS TODAY WHERE YOU WERE. I KNOW. SHE'S RIPE FOR THE PICKING. AND AVANTé, SHE'S IN THE MIDST OF A DEPRESSION RIGHT NOW... -MM-HMM. ...BECAUSE HER MOTHER MADE HER AN EMOTIONAL HUSBAND. AND SHE'S ON HER OWN, BY HERSELF AND LONELY IN HER OWN LIFE AND SCARED TO DEATH... -I KNOW. THAT IF SHE DOESN'T DO THE RIGHT THING, YOU ARE GONNA PERISH. TELL ME WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VOICE, BABY. THAT'S NORMAL IN THE WORLD WE LIVE IN. WOMEN AREN'T ENCOURAGED TO SPEAK LIKE THAT. I HAD TO LEARN THAT I MATTER. I MATTER. FEELINGS MATTER. AND WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME MATTERS. YOU MATTER. MISS THELISHA, YOU MATTER. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I KNOW. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT? TELL ME THE TRUTH. DON'T LIE TO ME. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. I WANT TO GET OUT. SO NOW, TELL ME AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU WANT? -I WANT TO GET OUT. -OUT OF? THIS MARRIAGE, OUT OF THIS CYCLE OF ABUSE, OUT OF THIS -- THIS PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. I WANT TO BE A MOTHER TO MY CHILDREN. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO COME OUT OF THIS NUMBNESS AND FEEL. YOUR FAMILY, AS YOU KNOW IT, IT'S DONE. YOUR DAUGHTERS HAVE BEEN IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN A VERY INAPPROPRIATE WAY. -THEY HAVE. -YEAH. YOUR DAUGHTERS ALSO KNOW THAT YOUR HUSBAND HAS A SUBSTANCE-ABUSE PROBLEM. DO YOU KNOW THAT? -I KNOW THEY KNOW. -WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? -I KNOW WHAT IT IS. -WHAT IS IT? -IT'S COCAINE. OH, THEY THOUGHT HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC. THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE COCAINE. I'M NOT SENDING YOU HOME TONIGHT. I'M SENDING YOU AND YOUR GIRLS TO THE HOTEL. Y'ALL CAN EAT PIZZA AND WATCH MOVIES, 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE. I'M HERE FOR YOU, AND I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND IN THE HARD TIMES. THANK YOU. SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. -THANK YOU. -MM-HMM. GIVE ME A HUG, SISTER. [ CHUCKLES ] IT'S OKAY. I PROMISE YOU, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. Iyanla: BEING ON THE ROAD TO A BETTER LIFE, THELISHA IS GETTING HER VOICE BACK AND SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH THE LOVED ONES IN HER LIFE. YOU POOR BABY. AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I'VE LEARNED ABOUT MR. DWIGHT, IT'S THAT HE'S LOCKED IN A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR THAT IS DOWNRIGHT PREDICTABLE. THAT IS YOU. NOT TODAY. THIS IS NOT GOOD, MR. DWIGHT. YOUR FAMILY IS NOT IN GOOD SHAPE AT ALL. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE HERE THIS MORNING, I SAID TO YOU IF YOU STILL WANTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PROCESS, THAT YOU COME BACK TOMORROW. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU CAME BACK TODAY, BUT YOU'RE HERE TODAY. AND NOW THAT I HAVE SPOKEN TO YOUR WIFE, YOUR DAUGHTERS, UM, TWO THINGS. [ CLEARS THROAT ] NUMBER ONE, YOU, I, NOR THEM CAN RECOVER FROM THE EVENTS OF THIS DAY. I DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE FOR YOU, EMOTIONALLY, OR SAFE FOR THEM, EMOTIONALLY, FOR US TO CONTINUE THIS PROCESS WITH YOU TODAY. THEY ARE VERY, VERY RAW. -OKAY. I'M GONNA KEEP THEM HERE TONIGHT. THEY ARE NOT COMING HOME. I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT'S LIKE. [ CHUCKLES ] THERE'S NO CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR, AND THERE'S NO BOUNDARIES. I HAVE BOUNDARIES AND CONSEQUENCES. SO HERE'S THE BOUNDARY. YOU CAN'T BE HERE TONIGHT. HERE'S THE CONSEQUENCE. BEFORE YOU CAN RE-ENGAGE TOMORROW, YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE A DRUG TEST AND A BREATHALYZER. OKAY? ALL RIGHT. SO WE COOL? ALL RIGHTY. [ ENGINE STARTS ] HOPEFULLY, TODAY WE CAN GET A LITTLE FURTHER THAN WE GOT YESTERDAY. WHY DO YOU NEED REHAB? I'M DESTROYING MY FAMILY. [ BLOWS ] TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES. AND GET IN THE DIRT. THERE'S SOMETHING DOWN IN THERE WHICH REPRESENTS CHILDHOOD. I WANT YOU ALL TO FIND IT. DO YOU TWO EVEN WANT TO BE TOGETHER? LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. YOU SEE YOUR WIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTERS STANDING ON THE FOUNDATION. YOU BUILT THAT. THE DRUG TEST HAS COME BACK. YOUR LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT IS OVER. GOOD MORNING. COME ON IN.
