Iyanla: FAMILY MEANS MORE THAN PEOPLE JUST BEING RELATED BY BLOOD. A FAMILY IS PEOPLE WHO HAVE POSITIVE, UNCONDITIONAL REGARD FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A MOTHER AND HER SIX DAUGHTERS, SEVEN WOMEN WHO ARE RELATED BY BLOOD BUT DISCONNECTED ON EVERY OTHER LEVEL. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT DAUGHTERS FEELING NEGLECTED AND REJECTED BY THEIR MOTHER. THIS IS A STORY OF MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS WHO SHARE NOTHING MORE THAN DNA, HEARTACHE AND HURT. THIS IS A STORY OF SEVEN WOMEN WHO REPRESENT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF FAMILIES TORN APART BY DARK SECRETS. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE A FAMILY, WHO HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA OF WHAT THAT REALLY MEANS. I AM IYANLA VANZANT, AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK. THE SISTERS ARRIVING TODAY HAVE NO CONCEPT OF FAMILY. AS CHILDREN, THEY WERE RAISED IN DYSFUNCTION. AND AS ADULTS, THEIR PAIN RUNS DEEP. IT IS IMPORTANT FOR EACH OF THESE WOMEN TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH OF WHO THEY ARE AND THEIR EXPERIENCES SO THAT THEY CAN HEAL THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR MOTHER AND WITH EACH OTHER. MY NAME IS KISHA. I'M 31, AND I AM THE SECOND OLDEST. MY WHOLE OUTLOOK ON LIFE IN GENERAL CHANGED WHEN I LOST MY FATHER. LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR US TO BE ANGRY AND HOLDING ONTO THE ANGER. THE REASON I REACHED OUT TO GET MY FAMILY FIXED WAS BECAUSE THE TENSION BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND MY OLDEST SISTER BECAME A TAD TOO DYSFUNCTIONAL. WE NEED TO GET THIS FIXED FROM THE ROOT. Shay: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM AS A CHILD, IT WAS... I WANT TO USE THE WORD HELL. THE GREATEST CHALLENGE IS HONESTLY JUST BEING IN A ROOM WITH HER. MY NAME IS MARCIA HONESTY, AND I'M THE SECOND TO THE YOUNGEST, AND I'M 26. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PICK IT UP. -YOU GONNA PICK IT UP FOR ME? -YES. GROWING UP, IT WAS A HEADACHE BECAUSE MY MOM HAD AN ADDICTION. SEEING THE ADDICTION, BEING AROUND THE ADDICTION, TOOK A TOLL ON ME, TO BE HONEST. Marcia: SHAY AND KISHA WAS IN THE SAME HOUSEHOLD. THOSE ARE THE TWO THAT I'M REALLY CLOSE WITH, ESPECIALLY KISHA. -THAT'S MINE OVER THERE. -I'LL TAKE THE PURPLE ONE. -NO. THAT IS MINE. -GIRL, GO BACK. -NO. THAT'S MINE. GIRL. -Y'ALL BE...UGH. THAT'S FINE. I CALL HER MY SISTER/MY MOTHER. SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME. MAKES ME KIND OF UPSET BECAUSE I WANT MY MOTHER TO BE THAT FIGURE, AND WE REALLY DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. HER LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HER. MINE. Kisha: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL SLEEP IN THE WINDOW. NO, MARCIA. I'M THE OLDEST. NO. HOLD ON. KISHA, TELL HER IT GOES BY THE OLDEST. NO. Shay: I HAD TO CARE FOR MY YOUNGER SISTERS. I SOMEWHAT BEEN ROBBED OF A CHILDHOOD. I JUST WISH, YOU KNOW, THINGS WOULD GET BETTER BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND MY SISTERS. WE ALL COULD BE MUCH CLOSER THAN WHAT WE ARE. MY NAME IS PRECCIOUS TUCKER, AND I AM 29 YEARS OLD, AND I AM THE THIRD CHILD. I DIDN'T GROW UP WITH MY SISTERS BECAUSE MY MOTHER GAVE ME AWAY WHEN I WAS 7 MONTHS OLD. AND I STILL HOLD A GRUDGE. WE DON'T GET ALONG FOR NOTHING. AS I CAN REMEMBER, MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED ME. IT HURTS. IT HURTS REAL BAD. I DON'T THINK SHE'S NO MOTHER AT ALL. SHE'S NOT THE KIND OF MOTHER THAT A CHILD NEEDS. Iyanla: LIKE HER SISTER PRECCIOUS, BIANCA WAS ALSO RAISED BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN HER MOTHER. SHE BLAMES HER MOTHER'S ABANDONMENT FOR THE HUGE DISCONNECT WITHIN THE FAMILY. MY GRANDPARENTS RAISED ME, BUT MY AUNT TOOK CUSTODY OF ME. I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN, AND I WOULD NEVER GIVE NONE OF MY KIDS UP NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE. Iyanla: MARCALE IS THE BABY OF THE FAMILY. SHE'S ONLY 25 YEARS OLD, BUT SHE HAS SPENT THE LAST 6 YEARS IN PRISON FOR MULTIPLE COUNTS OF ARMED ROBBERY. ME AND MY MOM HAVE A REALLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP, A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP. YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME THINGS, AND SHE'S BEEN THERE FOR ME, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. SO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER IS AWESOME. HOW YOU GET YOUR OWN ROOM, PRECCIOUS? -WHAT YOU MEAN? -BECAUSE I'M THE OLDEST. THAT DOES NOT HAVE TO DO WITH NOTHING. THEY PUT US IN A ROOM LIKE WE TRIPLETS, THOUGH, SON. -EXACTLY. -AND I'M OLDER THAN ALL OF US. ME AND MARCIA AND MARCALE. HI, LITTLE GIRL. OH, MY GOD. YOU LYING. HELLO. [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] AM I GONNA HAVE TO GET A BELT? OH, LOOK AT WHO IT IS. -THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF Y'ALL. -HELLO. -HI. -HI. -HI. HOW ARE YOU? -AND YOU ARE? -KISHA. -HI, KISHA. MWAH. Iyanla: RIGHT NOW, THESE SISTERS ARE ALL SMILES. BUT JUST UNDER THE SURFACE IS A LEVEL OF RAGE AND DYSFUNCTION THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN TO UNRAVEL. IS THIS THE FIRST TIME ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER? -YES. -YES, IN A LONG TIME. -IN A LONG TIME. -WHAT'S A LONG TIME, A WEEK? -19 YEARS. -19 YEARS? OR 17 YEARS, YEAH. WELL, THIS IS JUST GONNA BE A BIG OL' PAJAMA PARTY. YES. OR Y'ALL GONNA BE PULLING EACH OTHER'S HAIR OUT, ONE OF THE TWO. KISHA. -YES. -YOU WROTE ME. -YES. -COME TALK TO ME. I'LL TALK TO Y'ALL LATER. Iyanla: I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD CALL BACK. -REALLY? -YEAH. WELL, WHAT THE HELL YOU WRITE FOR? I MEAN, I... THEY DO CALL ME THE PEACEMAKER. AND MY ROLE IS TO KIND OF KEEP EVERYONE SANE. HAVE I SUCCEEDED AT THAT? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I THINK I'VE PROBABLY DRIVEN MYSELF INSANE TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE ELSE SANE. Iyanla: SO I HAVE A QUESTION THAT I ASK ALL OF MY GUESTS WHO WRITE ME -- WHY AM I HERE? TO FIX MY FAMILY. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? TO FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE ANGER AND WHY THEY HOLD ON IT SO LONG AND HOW THEY CAN SAY, "I DON'T CARE FOR MY SISTER. I DON'T CARE FOR MY MOTHER. I DON'T CARE IF I EVER TALK TO HER AGAIN." THAT'S A LOT. I HEAR A LOT OF THAT, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY CAN FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT THEIR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. NOW, THERE'S SIX OF Y'ALL. WHERE ARE YOU IN THAT ORDER? -I'M THE SECOND OLDEST. -WHO'S OLDER THAN YOU? -SHAY. -OKAY. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IS AT THE ROOT OF THAT? WE GREW UP WITH A MOTHER WHO WAS ON DRUGS, BUT... YOUR MOTHER WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS? YES. I WAS ALWAYS THE ONE CALLING MY GRANDMOTHER WHEN MY MOTHER WOULD LEAVE US IN THE HOUSE WITH NOTHING TO EAT, OR SHE WOULD GO ON HER BINGES. I DON'T THINK SHE HAS ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES THAT HAS COME FROM THAT TIME IN HER LIFE. I HAVE A SERIOUS TRUST ISSUE. I'M ALWAYS QUESTIONING AND DOUBTING EVERYONE. AND YET YOU WOULD WRITE A TOTAL STRANGER AND ASK ME TO COME HERE. BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN YOU, IYANLA, AND I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN FIX WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS FAMILY, LIKE... DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS FAMILY WANTS IT FIXED? I DO. I DO. I DON'T THINK THIS IS EVEN A FAMILY. I THINK IT'S A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT SHARE BLOOD. IN 19 YEARS, Y'ALL HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER, AND YOU HATE YOUR MOTHER, THE PERSON WHO GAVE YOU THE BLOOD THAT YOU SHARE. I DON'T HATE MY MOTHER. BUT YOU'RE SAYING THAT'S WHAT'S IN THE FAMILY. -YEAH. -ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID? -YES. -"I HATE MY MOM. I DON'T CARE." YES. YEAH. THAT MAY HAPPEN AMONG PEOPLE WHO ARE RELATED BY BLOOD. -MM-HMM. -BUT THAT AIN'T FAMILY. -RIGHT. -WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? THIS NOT WORKING OUT. AND IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, THEN WHAT? LIKE, I DON'T...EXCUSE ME. IT'S OKAY. [ SNIFFLES ] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT MATTERS. LIKE, US BECOMING A UNIT MATTERS TO ME. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY ARE ALL I HAVE. LIKE, THEY'RE MY FAMILY. THIS IS WHO I'VE SHARED A CHILDHOOD WITH. LIKE, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR US TO BE THE WAY WE ARE. THIS IS WHO YOU SHARED A WOMB WITH. I KNOW. THIS IS WHO YOU SHARE A MOTHER WITH. YEAH. I GET THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF LETTERS. KNOW WHY I CHOSE YOUR FAMILY? -MNH-MNH. -ALL WOMEN. YEAH. BLACK WOMEN ARE THE ANCHORS OF OUR COMMUNITY, THE ANCHORS. I CHOSE YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE, AS A MOTHER WHO LOST A DAUGHTER, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE NOT TO GET TO RECTIFY OR MEND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOMETHING'S GONNA HAPPEN. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS FOOLISHNESS. NO, NONE AT ALL. SO I THINK WHAT I'LL DO NOW IS MEET WITH YOU AND YOUR SISTERS. I CAN SEE. LET ME SEE WHAT I'M WORKING WITH... HAVE FUN. ...BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING. I GOT A FEELING. Iyanla: COMING UP... WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'D LIKE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM? HONESTLY, I'M NOT SEEKING NOTHING FOR ME AND MY MOM. THAT IS NOT GONNA TURN OUT WELL FOR YOU. I'M GOING TO MEET YOUR MAMA. Iyanla: AFTER TALKING TO KISHA, IT'S CLEAR THAT SHE IS THE LAST THREAD HOLDING THIS FAMILY TOGETHER. HAVE A SEAT DOWN. BEFORE THEIR MOTHER, ALICIA'S, ARRIVAL, THESE SISTERS MUST BEGIN TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH ONE ANOTHER. SO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ALL OF YOU, EVERYBODY, WAS IN THE ROOM TOGETHER? -WE WERE YOUNG. -SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD. -YEAH. BUT YOU ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD SISTERS. -YES. -YEAH. AND WHERE THEY WERE? -YES. -AND WHY WEREN'T YOU WITH THEM? BECAUSE MY MOTHER GAVE ME AWAY. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, YOUR MOTHER GAVE YOU AWAY? SHE GAVE ME UP FOR ADOPTION. I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH FAMILY. -SHE IS. -THEY ADOPTED HER. IT'S MY FAMILY. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THAT HAPPENED? 7 MONTHS. FOR A MOTHER TO GIVE AWAY A BABY AT 7 MONTHS, SOMETHING WAS GOING ON. WHAT WAS GOING ON? -SHE WAS STRUGGLING. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE, YOU KNOW, SELFISH AND KEEP HER. SHE GAVE HER TO SOMEBODY WHO COULD TAKE CARE OF HER. Iyanla: THAT TAKES A LOT. BUT YOU DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT IT, OBVIOUSLY. -NO. -YOU HAVE CHILDREN? YES. I HAVE SEVEN. -SEVEN? -YES. -ONE MORE THAN YOUR MOTHER. -YES. SO YOU WERE GONNA PROVE HER WRONG, RIGHT? YES. Preccious: MY GREATEST JOY AS A MOTHER IS BASICALLY HAVING ALL MY KIDS WITH ME, BEING ABLE TO COME HOME TO THEM EVERY DAY, BEING ABLE TO JUST SIT THERE AND LOOK AT THEM AS THEY PLAY AND WRESTLE. WE ACTUALLY MADE -- KISHA ALWAYS MADE IT A JOKE, LIKE, WHO WAS GOING TO BASICALLY KEEP THE CHAIN GOING BECAUSE MY NANA HAS SIX. MY MOM HAS SIX, AND PRECCIOUS ACTUALLY KEPT THE CHAIN GOING. SHE HAS SEVEN. WELL, THAT MAY NOT BE A CHAIN THAT WE WANT TO KEEP GOING... OF COURSE. ...IF IT DOESN'T BENEFIT THE CHILDREN. Marcale: IT'S NOTHING WRONG WITH A BIG FAMILY. BUT CLEARLY, SHE KEPT THE CHAIN GOING IN THE RIGHT WAY, YOU KNOW. SHE'S TAKING CARE OF ALL SEVEN OF HER KIDS. SHE HAS ALL SEVEN OF THEM. BUT TAKING CARE OF CHILDREN IS NOT THE ONLY RESPONSIBILITY OF A PARENT. THE FIRST RESPONSIBILITY OF ANYBODY IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF... Preccious: RIGHT. ...AND TO BE AS WHOLE AND HEALTHY AND HEALED AS YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE SO THAT WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN, YOU'RE GIVING THEM THE FULLNESS OF WHO YOU ARE AND NOT THE CRUMBS THAT ARE LEFT ON THE TABLE. KEEPING YOUR KIDS, SOMETIMES, IS NOT THE BEST THING FOR THE CHILDREN. WHILE ALICIA'S DAUGHTERS ARE HURT AND ANGRY ABOUT BEING GIVEN UP, ALICIA MAY HAVE MADE THE BEST DECISION FOR THEM. PART OF THEIR WORK WILL BE TO HEAR THE TRUTH FROM THEIR MOTHER SO THEY CAN FORGIVE HER AND BEGIN TO HEAL. WHY AM I HERE, MS. PRECCIOUS? BASICALLY TO FIX THE BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE HAVE. -WITH? AMONG EACH OTHER AS SISTERS AND OUR MOTHER. WE DON'T REACH OUT TO EACH OTHER. YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER. DO YOU? -NO. YEAH. WELL, WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT PRECCIOUS. SHE'S KIND OF... -I FEEL LIKE... Iyanla: WAIT A MINUTE. HERE IS THE BIGGEST LESSON YOU GONNA HAVE TO LEARN. YOU THE BABY GIRL. THE LAST VOICE THAT ENTERS THE CONVERSATION WILL BE YOURS... -THANK YOU. JESUS. ...UNLESS ONE OF YOUR OLDER SISTERS GIVES DEFERENCE TO YOU BECAUSE I THINK WHAT HAPPENED, I COULD BE WRONG, YOU MAY BE TRYING TO STAND ON THE SAME STEP WITH THEM... -YEAH, ALL THE TIME. -...AND YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT IN THE PERFECT ORDER OF OUR CULTURE AS BLACK WOMEN. SO ANYTHING THAT'S UP WITH HER, I'M GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ELDER. YOU SET THE EXAMPLE FOR EVERYBODY IN THE LINE. YOU SEE, YOU'RE LEADING ALL OF THEM. BUT THEY ARE HOLDING YOU UP. YEAH? AND YOUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE SHE COMES ALONG. AND YOUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE THEY COME ALONG. AND WHEN I SAY COME ALONG, I MEAN, STAND IN THEIR TRUTH AND THEIR POWER AND THEIR GLORY AS WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE THEY REPRESENT YOU, AND ALL OF THEM REPRESENT YOU. AND YOU BRING DIGNITY TO HER BY HOW YOU SHOW UP IN THE ROOM. IT AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MOTHER. HER JOB IS DONE. IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU'RE BEING WITH EACH OTHER AS SISTER WOMEN BECAUSE WHEN YOUR MAMA'S GONE, YOU ALL GOT EACH OTHER. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DID TO MY SISTER. SHE WAS OLDER. SHE USED TO GET ON MY NERVES. SO I STOPPED SPEAKING TO HER THREE YEARS UNTIL THEY CALLED ME AND TOLD ME SHE WAS DEAD. AND I LEARNED THEN, YOU DON'T GET A SECOND CHANCE. SO I'M HERE SO THAT Y'ALL CAN LEARN TO CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. DOES THAT MATTER TO YOU? -IT MATTERS A LOT. -WHY? BECAUSE I'M THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY FROM THEM. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO CALL AT LEAST ONE OF THEM. BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S BASED ON RELATIONSHIP. AND I'M NOT SURE THAT YOU GUYS HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. I DON'T KNOW. WILL YOU JUST BE TOGETHER? WILL YOU DO FUN, SILLY THINGS TOGETHER? IT DON'T HAVE TO BE DEEP, AND IT DON'T HAVE TO BE HARD, JUST FUN. YEAH? THAT'S HOW A RELATIONSHIP BEGINS. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SEE COME OUT OF THIS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM? FOR YOU, MISS SHAY? HONESTLY, I'M NOT SEEKING NOTHING FOR ME AND MY MOM, PERSONALLY. I STOPPED SEARCHING YEARS AGO. MM, THAT'S A PROBLEM. AND THAT IS NOT GONNA TURN OUT WELL FOR YOU. COMING UP... MIND YOUR BUSINESS, YOUNG. BITCH, IF YOU STOP SAYING STUFF TO ME, THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. DON'T MAKE ME SMACK [BLEEP] OUT THAT BITCH, YOUNG. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR STORY AS A WOMAN SO SHE CAN UNDERSTAND WHO THE HELL SHE IS. SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SEE COME OUT OF THIS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOM? FOR YOU, MISS SHAY? HONESTLY, I'M NOT SEEKING NOTHING FOR ME AND MY MOM, AND I STOPPED SEARCHING YEARS AGO. I'M SEEKING MY SISTERS. MM, THAT'S A PROBLEM. AND THAT IS NOT GONNA TURN OUT WELL FOR YOU. AS THE ELDEST, SHAY HAS FIVE YOUNGER SISTERS LOOKING UP TO HER. IF SHE CONTINUES TO BE DISMISSIVE, THEY WILL FOLLOW HER LEAD. IT IS MY HOPE THAT SHE CAN BE OPEN AND HELP LEAD HER SISTERS DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH. SO YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER. -NO. I DON'T. -OKAY. I GAVE UP ON THE SITUATION. MY HOPE IS ACTUALLY FOR MY SISTERS. YOU KNOW, THEY NEED ANSWERS. Iyanla: OKAY, MISS PRECCIOUS. YOU OKAY? TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. I'M VERY EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW. WELL, COME ON. COME SIT RIGHT HERE. COME ON. COME ON. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. COME SIT WITH ME BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T LEAVE YOU OVER THERE BY YOURSELF. YOU JUST A-WEEPING AND CARRYING ON. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. OKAY. SOMETIMES, WE JUST NEED TO BE REMOTHERED. EVEN THOUGH MISS PRECCIOUS IS HURT, SHE'S ALSO HUNGRY FOR HER MOTHER'S LOVE. AND ACKNOWLEDGING THAT HUNGER IS AN IMPORTANT STEP TOWARD ELIMINATING HER PAIN. OKAY. I JUST WANT YOU TO SEE THE DEMONSTRATION. YOUR FEELINGS ARE YOUR FEELINGS. ARE YOU OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY THAT THAT COULD CHANGE? YEAH. I'M OPTIMISTIC. BUT YOU ASKED ME HOW I FEEL. YEAH. I'M NOT CHALLENGING YOU. I SAID ARE YOU OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY... SURE. YES, MA'AM. ...BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE MINDFUL OF THE DEMONSTRATION THAT YOU'RE SETTING. -YES, MA'AM. -YEAH. THEY'RE LOOKING UP TO YOU. -I'M OKAY NOW. -YOU SURE? -YEAH. AM I GONNA LOOK OVER THERE IN A MINUTE AND SEE YOUR EYEBALLS ROLL? JUST TELL ME BECAUSE YOU CAN STAY RIGHT HERE. IT'S ALL RIGHT. SHAY'S DEEP DISREGARD FOR HER MOTHER STEMS FROM YEARS OF BEING NEGLECTED. BUT AS THE LEADER OF THIS FAMILY, IT IS HER RESPONSIBILITY TO OPEN UP ABOUT HER PAIN, NOT ONLY TO HEAL HERSELF BUT TO SHOW HER YOUNGER SISTERS THAT IT'S OKAY TO DO THE SAME. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU GOT SOME...HEAT. BE ABLE TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HER. YOU CAN'T DO THAT NOW? NOT WITHOUT HER HOLLERING. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 29. DOES THE 29-YEAR-OLD CALL HER, OR DOES THE 7-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WANTS HER MOMMY CALL HER? WHO CALLS HER? SOMETIMES IT BE THAT 7-YEAR-OLD. YEAH. THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I THINK THAT THE 7-YEAR-OLD IS THE ONE WHO GETS HER FEELINGS HURT WHEN SHE SAYS, "I'M BUSY." SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT YOUR MOMMY. AND IF YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE LOST HER, YOU'LL BE FURIOUS WITH HER. YOU WILL. I'M HERE FOR YOUR GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THAT LINE BETWEEN HER AND YOUR MOTHER THAT BROKE DOWN THAT YOUR MOTHER WOULD GIVE BIRTH TO SIX DAUGHTERS, SOME OF WHOM DON'T SPEAK TO HER. MY MOTHER'S MOTHER, SHE HAD SIX KIDS. MY MOTHER WASN'T RAISED BY HER, BY HER OWN MOTHER. AND MY MOTHER WAS ESTRANGED FROM HER SISTERS AND HER BROTHERS FOR YEARS. -WOW. YEAH. SO IT'S A CYCLE. Iyanla: AND DID IT HAPPEN BEFORE THAT? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER? NANA WASN'T RAISED BY HER MOM NEITHER. -YEAH. -WOW. Iyanla: THIS FAMILY'S DYSFUNCTION RUNS DEEP. TO HEAL, THEY MUST LEARN HOW TO FACE THE PATHS AND MAKE PEACE WITH IT. OTHERWISE, THEY WILL CARRY THIS PAIN AND DYSFUNCTION INTO THE NEXT GENERATION. I THINK THAT PART OF IT IS JUST REALLY KNOWING HOW TO BE TOGETHER WITH NO EXPECTATIONS. FIND A NEW WAY OF BEING, GETTING TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BE THE ANCHOR THAT YOU ARE. SO I HAVE AN ACTIVITY FOR US TO DO. SO I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE. THESE WOMEN NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO JUST BE SISTERS. THEY WERE RAISED IN DYSFUNCTION AND SEPARATION WITHOUT AN OPPORTUNITY TO KNOW AND LOVE EACH OTHER AS FAMILY. AND NOW THEY ARE ACTUALLY LIKE STRANGERS. WITH THIS EXERCISE, IT IS MY HOPE THAT THESE SISTERS WILL SEE JUST HOW SIMILAR THEY ARE. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES WE DON'T RECOGNIZE OR WE DON'T REALIZE WHAT WE REALLY HAVE IN COMMON WITH PEOPLE, YOU KNOW? DO Y'ALL KNOW EVERYTHING THAT Y'ALL HAVE IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER? -ATTITUDES. -ATTITUDES. I WANT TO PLAY THIS LITTLE GAME. I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. FACE THIS WAY. -OKAY. -WHEN YOU HEAR THE STATEMENT, "IF IT'S TRUE FOR YOU, GET ON THE OTHER SIDE," AND THEN NOTICE WHO'S ON THE SIDE WITH YOU. SO THAT MEANS THAT Y'ALL STARTED IN THE SAME PLACE. AIN'T THAT TRUE? -BEAUTIFUL. OKAY. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU PREFER SUMMER OVER WINTER. ALL OF YOU ALL PREFER SUMMER OVER WINTER. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU'VE EVER HAD A HAIR WEAVE. LOOK AT THE TWO NATURAL SISTERS. HEY. LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THAT. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU A VIRGIN. PHBT! -I AIN'T SWITCHING NOWHERE. -GIRL, GET OVER THERE. -YOU IS NOT NO VIRGIN. -KISHA. -YOU... -I DID IT. Iyanla: RIGHT, BECAUSE THEY HAD TO SWITCH SIDES. YOU WERE ALL... GO BACK OVER THERE. -YOU AIN'T NO VIRGIN. -OH, YEAH. YOU ARE. -I AM A VIRGIN. YEAH. -OF WHAT? -NO. -SHE NEVER HAD NO MAN. I'VE NEVER HAD SEX WITH NO MAN. HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH SOMETHING? FRUIT? PEOPLE? [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MAN. I DON'T CARE WHAT IT WAS? WAS IT ALIVE? -NO. -IT WAS ALIVE. OH, MY GOD. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S ALL RIGHT. ALTHOUGH THESE WOMEN HAVE NOT BEEN ALL TOGETHER IN MORE THAN 19 YEARS, IT IS EASY TO SEE THE BOND THAT THEY HAVE AS SISTERS, A BOND THAT, FOR THEM, ISN'T ALWAYS PLEASANT. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU EVER STOPPED TALKING TO YOUR SISTER FOR MORE THAN A MONTH. YOU STOP TALKING TO US? SWITCH SIDES IF YOU'VE EVER CURSED AT YOUR MOTHER. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU'VE EVER FELT ABANDONED. SWITCH SIDES IF YOU'VE EVER FELT ALONE. SO THERE ARE PLACES IN YOUR LIFE WHERE EVEN WHEN Y'ALL WEREN'T TOGETHER, YOU WERE MOVING IN THE SAME WAY. LOOK AT THAT. YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ALONE. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN TOGETHER, EVEN WHEN YOU WEREN'T SPEAKING. THESE SIX SISTERS SEEM TO BE CONNECTING AND HAVING SOME FUN TOGETHER. BUT THAT MAY NOT LAST MUCH LONGER. I'M GOING TO MEET YOUR MAMA. THEIR MOTHER, ALICIA, IS ARRIVING, AND IT IS CLEAR THAT SHE IS AT THE HEART OF THE BREAKDOWN IN THIS FAMILY, AND I'M NOT SURE HOW HER DAUGHTERS WILL RESPOND TO HER PRESENCE. Iyanla: TO UNDERSTAND THE END, WE MUST LOOK AT THE BEGINNING. SO IN ORDER TO UNCOVER THE REASONS, THESE SIX SISTERS ARE LIVING IN SUCH BREAKDOWN, WE MUST TURN TO THEIR MOTHER, MISS ALICIA. Alicia: I HAVE SIX DAUGHTERS, AND WE ALL HAVE NOT BEEN IN A ROOM TOGETHER IN A WHILE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY PERSONALITY CLASHES AND SO MUCH BITTERNESS TOWARDS EACH OTHER AS SIBLINGS AND ME AS A MOTHER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. SO I MET ALL OF THE LADIES -- SHAY, KISHA, PRECCIOUS, BIANCA, MARCIA AND MARCALE. -YES. -YEAH. -ALL THE GIRLS. -THEY'RE REALLY MAD AT YOU. THEY'LL GET OVER IT. MAYBE. WELL, YEAH, MAYBE. I MEAN, IT IS WHAT IT IS... SO I'M GONNA ASK YOU... ...BECAUSE THEY HAVE THEIR FEELINGS. YOU KNOW, I CAN'T -- THAT'S SOMETHING THAT CAN'T BE CONTROLLED. I'M NOT ON ANYBODY'S SIDE. BUT I NEED YOU, MOTHER TO MOTHER, WOMAN TO WOMAN, TO TELL ME HOW IT IS THAT YOU GOT SIX DAUGHTERS WHO DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER FOR 19 YEARS. THAT'S... I CAN'T ANSWER THAT. WHY NOT? YOU'RE THEIR MOTHER. WELL, A LOT WAS GOING ON, MY WIFE BLOWING FAST, BEING A SINGLE PARENT. THERE WAS A LOT GOING ON. -IT WASN'T A PRIORITY FOR YOU. -EXACTLY. YOUR CHILDREN BEING CONNECTED TO ONE ANOTHER WASN'T A PRIORITY. -NO. I DID NOT THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT AT THE TIME. OKAY. LIKE I SAID, I WAS A SINGLE MOTHER AND BEING SELFISH. YES. HAVE YOU EVER SAID THAT TO THEM? -NO. -WHY? WE JUST NEVER SAT DOWN AND TALKED. MM. WHY WAS PRECCIOUS IN LOUISIANA? AT THE TIME, I HAD SHAY AND KISHA, AND I DIDN'T WANT, YOU KNOW, TO BE HINDERED BY ANOTHER NEWBORN BABY, SO... -YOU HAD KISHA AND SHAY WHILE YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. -YES. -AND THEN YOU HAD PRECCIOUS. PRECCIOUS, YEAH, IN '86. YES. BUT WHAT DID YOU TELL HER? I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HINDERED BY A CHILD, A BABY. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT TELL MS. PRECCIOUS YOU DID NOT WANT TO BE HINDERED. -YEAH. WELL, I DIDN'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY. THAT'S EVEN WORSE. IT WAS THE TRUTH, THOUGH. I COULDN'T GIVE THEM WHAT I DIDN'T HAVE. YEAH. I GET THAT. BUT WHAT THEY NEED IS NURTURING. WHAT THEY NEED IS THEIR MOMMY, NOT THEIR MOTHER. THEY NEED THEIR MOMMY. IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO SAY TO YOUR CHILDREN, "IT IS WHAT IT IS." THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MAMA. SO WE GONNA HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE BETTER THAN THAT BECAUSE WHEN THEY ASK YOU THESE QUESTIONS, THEY'RE NOT 34 AND 26 AND 25. THEY'RE 7 BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THEIR HEART GOT BROKEN JUST LIKE YOU. YOU'RE TALKING TO THE 7-YEAR-OLD WHO JUST WANTED THEIR MOMMY. YOU'RE TALKING TO THE PLACE IN THEM THAT GOT BROKEN. AND SO YOU HAD PRECCIOUS, AND YOU GAVE HER TO FAMILY? MM-HMM. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT SIDE OF THE FAMILY? NO. IS THERE A REASON FOR THAT? WELL, YES. THAT'S -- I WAS MOLESTED BY [BLEEP] OH. OKAY. THAT JUST REALLY JUST -- THAT WAS LIKE A SHOT OF RUM. Alicia: WHEN I WAS MOLESTED AS A TEENAGER, NO ONE KNEW ABOUT IT THEN UNTIL LATER ON IN LIFE. IT WAS KEPT A SECRET. DOES SHE KNOW THAT THAT MAN VIOLATED HER MOTHER? NO. WHY, MAMA? AND DOES SHE KNOW [BLEEP] -YES. THEY HAVE A VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP. AND YET SHE'S MAD AT YOU? -MM-HMM. -HMM. Alicia: THE THINGS I'VE GONE THROUGH IN LIFE, I'VE MOVED PAST THEM. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS, YOU KNOW, WALK AROUND BITTER AND ANGRY WITH THE WORLD. YOU CAN'T. SO LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN BECAUSE, SEE, I'M GONNA STAND WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. I ACTUALLY WANT THEM TO GET ALONG AS SIBLINGS, SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN WANTING FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE IT WITH MY SISTERS, THAT THEY LEARN TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME, OPEN UP TO ME. WELL, THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I CAN DO IS SUPPORT THEM IN KNOWING HOW TO SPEAK TO YOU. BUT MOST IMPORTANT, MAMA, IS TO SUPPORT YOU IN LEARNING HOW TO HEAR THEM. Iyanla: WITH THESE NEW REVELATIONS, ALICIA IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE 100% HONEST WITH HER DAUGHTER SHAY BEFORE ANY PROGRESS CAN BE MADE. WHEN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF, EVERYBODY ELSE FORGIVES YOU. MM-HMM, MM-HMM. I BELIEVE THAT. SO IF YOU ARE STILL IN BREAKDOWN WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS, THERE'S STILL SOME SELF-FORGIVENESS YOU NEED TO DO. MM-HMM. YES. YES. -AND WE'LL GET TO IT. -MM-HMM. SO I THINK THAT BEFORE I COULD FINISH MY INITIAL ASSESSMENT, I NEED TO BE WITH YOU AND ALL OF YOUR GIRLS. [ SIGHS ] MISS ALICIA GREW UP IN CHAOS, CONFUSION AND PAIN, AND SHE HAS PASSED THAT DISORDER ALONG TO HER DAUGHTERS. UNLESS WE CAN INTERRUPT THAT PATTERN, IT IS GOING TO BE REPEATED IN THE NEXT GENERATION OF THIS FAMILY. HELP YOUR MAMA. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 19 YEARS, THESE 7 WOMEN ARE ALL TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF. AND I CAN FEEL THE TENSION. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. -MM-HMM. -MM-HMM. -YES. HI. -HI, MAMA. I LOVE YOU TOO. Marcale: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST ONE. -HI, MOM. -HI. HOW ARE YOU? -GOOD. -HI. GIVE ME A HUG. Marcale: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST ONE. GOT TO GO THROUGH MY SISTERS. I'M SORRY. OKAY? YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE COME TO ME AS MUCH AS YOU TALK TO ME AND TELL ME THINGS THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, RIGHT? -YEAH. -NO. SHE DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE HAD SHE KNOWN, SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT. SHE DIDN'T KNOW. Iyanla: ALICIA HAS NO IDEA THE DEPTH OF PAIN THAT HER CHILDREN HAVE BEEN CARRYING, ESPECIALLY MISS PRECCIOUS. I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HER EYEBALLS. -HERE SHE GO. -AM I THE ONLY ONE? HI. MIND YOUR BUSINESS, YOUNG, LIKE, LITERALLY. NO. YOU DOING TOO MUCH. Woman: SHH. SHH. Iyanla: AS TENSIONS FLARE UP, IT HAS BECOME APPARENT THAT THERE ARE MANY LEVELS TO THE HURT AND PAIN OF THIS FAMILY. NOW YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH? YOU SEE THIS? -...THAT ONE OVER THERE. -UH-UH-UH. COME HERE. YOU MAKE TROUBLE. COME ON. [ LAUGHTER ] Shay: YOUNG, SHE KEEP ON, AND SHE PROBABLY GOING TO MAKE ME SMACK THE [BLEEP] OUT THAT BITCH, YOUNG. Iyanla: MISS SHAY'S BEHAVIOR IS AN INAPPROPRIATE DEMONSTRATION OF ANGER DIRECTED TOWARD HER SISTER, BUT I CANNOT BE FOOLED BY APPEARANCES. THIS HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH MARCIA AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HER MOTHER. MISS ALICIA HASN'T BEEN HERE 10 MINUTES, AND THIS IS THE RESULT. YOU NEED TO TELL THAT BITCH, LIKE, LITERALLY BECAUSE SHE... WELL, SHAY, WHAT ARE YOU CURSING FOR, THOUGH? BECAUSE SHE BLOWING THAT [BLEEP] OUT AT ME. OKAY. I UNDERSTAND THAT. BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CALL HER OUT HER NAME? WHAT ARE YOU CURSING FOR? -IS IT THAT SERIOUS? -YES. IT IS. WE'VE BEEN PLAYING AROUND ALL THIS TIME, AND JUST BECAUSE SHE SAY... -BECAUSE I'M JUST TIRED OF HER SAYING STUFF, LIKE, LITERALLY. JUST SHUT UP. Iyanla: IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE THIS FAMILY HAS ALL BEEN TOGETHER UNDER THE SAME ROOF. SIT RIGHT HERE FOR ME, MAMA. AND NOW THAT MISS ALICIA HAS ARRIVED, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT TO BRING THIS FAMILY FACE-TO-FACE SO THEY CAN BEGIN TO ADDRESS THE PAIN THAT THEY'VE BEEN HOLDING IN THEIR HEARTS FOR SO LONG. THE THING THAT I'M GETTING CLEAR ABOUT HERE IS Y'ALL COMMUNICATE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, ABOUT YOUR DISPLEASURE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER... -MM-HMM. ...AS OPPOSED TO A REAL CHECK-IN. NAME-CALLING AIN'T GONNA HELP. -NAME-CALLING, SCREAMING. -IT'S NOT GONNA HELP. BUT MISS MARCIA, YOU DID IT UPSTAIRS. I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T THINK SHE WAS GONNA TAKE IT SO OFFENSIVELY, AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE SAID IT, GOD AS MY WITNESS. BUT SHE CALLED OUT MY NAME. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY TO HER. MIND YOUR BUSINESS, YOUNG, LIKE, LITERALLY. NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE IF Y'ALL DON'T DO THIS A DIFFERENT WAY. WHEN YOU HEARD WHAT MISS SHAY SAID, HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL? -I WAS HURT... -AND YOU WOULDN'T BE HURT... ...BECAUSE I WANT TO SAY, I CAN'T. SO I'M BITING MY TONGUE. -YOU CAN. YOU CAN. YEAH. YOU CAN BECAUSE YOU DON'T SAY IT, AND THEN IT HAS ALL OF THESE LITTLE OUTBREAKS ALONG THE WAY. BUT I REALLY DON'T DISRESPECT HER. THAT'S THE THING. -YEAH. WELL, TELL HER THAT. AND FOR HER TO CALL OUT MY NAME REALLY HURT ME. -TELL HER THAT. TELL HER. "I DON'T DISRESPECT YOU." TELL HER. I DON'T. I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR HER. SHE'S MEAN. -SHE'S MEAN? YES. AND I KNOW IF I DO APOLOGIZE, SHE'S STILL NOT GONNA CARE. THAT'S MY FEELING, AND I FEEL IT. YEAH. WHY DOES YOUR SISTER THINK THAT YOU'RE MEAN? BECAUSE OF MY -- THE WAY I COME OFF. DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT HURTS HER? NO, I DON'T. -NOW YOU DO. -YES, MA'AM. YEAH. AND WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY ABOUT THAT? I APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING YOU OUT YOUR NAME. BUT AT THE SAME TOKEN, I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR ME HAVING A REACTION. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR MOUTH. YOU COULD HAVE CAME ABOUT IT A DIFFERENT WAY. YOU WENT OFF, SO OF COURSE IT'S GONNA TICK ME OFF. SO AGAIN, I'M FOLLOWING YOU. AND THAT'S WHAT I DID. BUT I APOLOGIZE IF YOU TOOK IT THE WRONG WAY. TALK TO ME. I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE AS WELL. SEE? WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THAT WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, YOU CAN BE UPSET WITH THEM AND RECOVER. Y'ALL THINK THAT EVERY DISAGREEMENT IS FATAL. YOU SAID WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY. YOU SAID WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY. NOW, WHAT Y'ALL DIDN'T DO IS HEAR EACH OTHER SO THAT YOU COULD DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. FOR THIS FAMILY AND FOR ANY FAMILY IN BREAKDOWN, KNOWING THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN HEARING AND LISTENING IS VITAL. WITHOUT IT, THEY WILL CONTINUE TO REPEAT A PATTERN OF ATTACK AND DEFEND. HOW CAN WE LEARN TO BE RESPECTFUL OF ONE ANOTHER? DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BREAKDOWN WITH HER IS GONNA AFFECT HER? DO YOU KNOW THAT? -NO, MA'AM. WON'T IT? ALL OF HER BREAKDOWNS AFFECT ME. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE DEPTH OF THE PAIN IN THIS WOMAN'S BODY BECAUSE SHE IS FOLLOWING YOU? EVEN THOUGH SHAY IS AT THE FRONT OF THE SISTER LINE, ALICIA IS THE MOTHER. ALL OF HER DAUGHTERS ARE LOOKING UP TO AND TAKING CUES FROM HER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE DEPTH OF PAIN IN THIS WOMAN'S BODY? I DO. I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS EXPLAINED, "LOOK. IT'S YOUR TONE." I MEAN, I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, "WHY DO THEY GO OFF SO MUCH ON EACH OTHER?" HAVE YOU HEARD YOURSELF LATELY? MA, YOU DO IT TO US. SO WE'RE FOLLOWING YOU. IF THEY TAKE ME TO THE EDGE, YES, I DO. -BUT THAT... -YES, I DO. Iyanla: EVERYBODY HAS A DIFFERENT EDGE. A MOTHER'S ROLE IS TO BE A DEMONSTRATION TO HER DAUGHTERS OF HOW TO BECOME A WOMAN. BUT MISS ALICIA TAUGHT THESE SIX SISTERS HOW TO ACCOMMODATE DYSFUNCTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE LEARNED FROM HER MOTHER. AND UNTIL SHE STARTS BEING HONEST WITH HERSELF AND HER DAUGHTERS, THE BREAKDOWN WITHIN THIS FAMILY WILL CONTINUE. IN THIS MOMENT, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR PRIVILEGE TO CORRECT THEM, IN THIS MOMENT. NOW, WE'RE GONNA RESTORE THAT. BUT YOU AIN'T GOT IT RIGHT NOW. THAT'S WHY IT HASN'T BEEN WORKING. THAT'S WHY IT HASN'T BEEN WORKING. WE GONNA RESTORE IT. BUT IN THIS MOMENT WHERE THEY ARE WITH YOU, SOME OF THEM. WE'LL RESTORE IT. MISS PRECCIOUS, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. HOW MANY YEARS OF TEARS ARE YOU CRYING TODAY? YEAH. JUST LET IT COME OUT, MISS PRECCIOUS. JUST LET IT COME OUT. EVER SINCE I WAS 7 MONTHS. SHE'S GOT SEVEN CHILDREN, HOLDING ONTO YEARS OF TEARS. THAT IS NOT GONNA TURN OUT WELL. CAN YOU HEAR ME? YEAH. I HEAR YOU. COME HERE, MISS KISHA. MAMA, GO SIT OVER THERE. Alicia: THE THING IS, SHE DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE THIS WHEN I GO AND SEE HER. -SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. Alicia: SHE JUST BE SO HAPPY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, LIKE, "MY MOMMY COMING. MY MOMMY HERE." AND NOW SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU THINGS THAT SHE'S NEVER SPOKEN TO YOU BEFORE. Alicia: TAKE YOUR TIME. I JUST ALWAYS WANTED THAT LOVE FROM YOU THAT I NEVER GOT. BUT THEN WHEN I SEEN THE ADOPTION PAPERS A MONTH PRIOR TO COMING HERE AND READING THEM AND UNDERSTANDING THEM, THAT YOU WAS GOING TO HAVE AN ABORTION UNTIL THEY STOPPED YOU AND TOLD YOU TO JUST GO AHEAD AND HAVE ME, YOU HAD UP UNTIL ONE YEAR TO COME BACK AND GET ME. AND THAT QUESTION RANG THROUGH MY HEAD ON WHY YOU NEVER CAME BACK FOR ME. HMM. YOU HAD UP UNTIL ONE YEAR TO COME BACK AND GET ME. WHY YOU NEVER CAME BACK FOR ME. HMM. SOMETIMES, THE BEST WAY TO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING IS TO LET IT GO. I KNOW THAT DOESN'T HELP YOU WHEN YOU'RE 3 TO 5 AND 7, AND YOU JUST WANT YOUR MOMMY. BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO SIT WITH THAT FOR A MINUTE. JUST SIT WITH IT FOR A MINUTE. MISS SHAY, TURN TO THIS ONE. -YES. THIS ONE. YES. -AND REMEMBER. YOU GONNA BREATHE, AND YOU GONNA LISTEN. THAT'S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW. MISS SHAY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR MOTHER THAT YOU HAVE NOT SAID? -I'M ANGRY AT YOU. -YEAH. -DISAPPOINTED. -YEAH. AND HONESTLY NOW BECAUSE I ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO YOU... ...AND I FELT AS THOUGH OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE, YOU LET ME DOWN. AS MANY TIMES AS I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND FROM YOUR SHOES AND ALWAYS TRIED TO ACCEPT YOU AND FORGIVE YOU, I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF HURT AGAIN FROM YOU. I FEEL AS THOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE. YES. I HAVE A DAUGHTER. BUT I'M ACTUALLY LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, I FEEL, WHEN I SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY LEARNED FROM YOU. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE YOU. I DON'T BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER TOWARDS YOU. THAT'S ALL I CAN HANDLE RIGHT NOW. OKAY. [ CRYING ] SO SOMETIMES THE PAIN JUST IS SO DEEP AND THAT WHEN IT BEGINS TO BUBBLE TO THE SURFACE, IT FRIGHTENS US. BUT AS BLACK WOMEN, WE CAN BE ANYTHING BUT WEAK. SO RATHER THAN WEAKEN OURSELVES OR APPEAR WEAK AND GIVE IN TO THE PAIN, WE GET HARD BECAUSE IT'S EASIER TO BE HARD THAN IT IS TO RECOVER FROM THE DEPTH OF THE PAIN. NO ONE, NO ONE, HAS EVER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO PROCESS YOURSELVES THROUGH THE PAIN. THE WRONGNESS IS ETCHED INTO YOUR BEING WRONG. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS WRONG. AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR BABIES MARINATED IN WRONGNESS, EVERY ONE OF THEM. SO THEY'RE BORN FEELING WRONG, THINKING WRONG, ACTING WRONG, BEING WRONG BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY MARINATED IN. IN ORDER FOR MISS ALICIA TO RECLAIM HER PLACE AT THE TOP OF THIS LINE, SHE HAS TO OWN HER TRUTH IN FRONT OF ALL OF HER CHILDREN. OTHERWISE, THIS FAMILY WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE IN DYSFUNCTION. SO MY POINT IS THERE'S A DEEP CUT THAT HAS TO BE MADE HERE, AND THERE'S A DEEP TRUTH THAT HAS TO BE TOLD THAT Y'ALL AIN'T TELLING. SHE LIVED IN THE ESSENCE OF YOUR HEARTBEAT. THAT'S YOUR FIRSTBORN. SO WHO YOU WERE, WHERE YOU WERE, WHAT YOU WERE EXPERIENCING, WHAT YOU WERE LIVING, WHAT YOU WERE GOING THROUGH IS ETCHED INTO THE FIBERS OF HER BEING. THAT'S WHY SHE NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR STORY AS A WOMAN, SO SHE CAN UNDERSTAND WHO THE HELL SHE IS. TELL HER. SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. DON'T LEAVE NOTHING OUT. NEXT WEEK ON "IYANLA FIX MY LIFE"... I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE HEALED FROM WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS IN THE THIRD GRADE. BUT THAT'S WHAT YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE LIVING NOW. TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR EXPERIENCE. IT ALL STARTED WITH ME BEING MOLESTED. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. -YOU KNOW, I HATED HER. -YEAH. I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ABORTION WITH ME INSTEAD OF JUST...GIVING ME TO A PACK OF WOLVES. GIVE IT SOUND, MISS PRECCIOUS. OPEN YOUR MOUTH. AAH!
