Alright, listen, I got three
tickets to the Rangers tonight. - What do you say?
- I say, "I am there!" Cool, oh, is Ross going too? - No. Janice.
- Janice? 'Cause I just, I feel bad
for Ross, you know? We-we always go together. We're like the three
hockey-teers, you know. You know, I may be
way out on a limb here but do you, do you have
a problem with Janice? No! Yes. God, how do I say this? Uh.. Oh...hi. You know that girl from the
Greek restaurant with the hair? Ooh, that girl that I hate?
Urgh, she drives me crazy. Ew, oh. Look, I don't hate Janice. She-she's just a lot to take,
you know? Well, there you go. Oh, hey, come on, man.
Don't look at me like that. She used to drive you nuts
before too, remember? Yeah, well,
I'm crazy about her now. I think this could
be the real thing. Capital R, capital T! Don't worry,
those are the right letters. Look...what do you
want me to say? I want you to say
that you like her. I can't. It's like
this chemical thing. You know, every time
she starts laughing I just want to.. ...pull my arm off, just so I
have something to throw at her. Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way,
there is no Count Rushmore. Yeah, then-then who's the guy
that painted the faces on the mountain? You guys, does this look
like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear? I don't know.
You might be the first one. Rach, did you check
the machine? Uh, no, wait, you know what this is the outfit
that makes my calves look fat. Never mind. Well, Joey,
I wrote a little song today. It's called "Get Up." Alright. You can have the chair. Really? Oh, my, would you look at that? [answering machine beeps] (Phoebe on answering machine)
'Hi, it's me.
I'm coming over now.' 'Hey, what if I'm already there' 'when you're playing
this message?' Is that too spooky? (Ross on answering machine)
'Hi, Rach, are you there?
It's me. Pick up.' 'Rachel? Rach?' What? Never mind. (Richard on answering machine)
'Monica, it's Richard.
Call me.' I-is, is that message old
or new? Old or new?
Old or new? It's old.
It's definitely old. Didn't you hear
the-the double beep? Well, what if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk. He could have something
really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back? Honey, you did call him back 'cause it's-it's really old. Yeah, see, Mon,
listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up I went through the same thing and you know what I did? - Huh?
- I got dressed. Really, really quickly, okay?
Okay? There we go, there we go. You know what? Okay.
Fine. Don't get up. You just sit right there,
I just hope you don't mind you know,
my hand right here. Oh! Oh, not touching.
Can't get mad. Not touching.
Can't get mad. Not touching.
Can't get mad. Oh! Oh, my God,
you rotten boys! - Sorry, Phoebe. Sorry, Phoebe..
- Sorry, I'm so sorry. What am I gonna do? No, no, don't-don't
rub it. Don't. What gets out hummus? What gets out hummus? Monica, Monica, you know
what gets out hummus? If it is a new message,
what is he calling to say? Okay, thanks.
Yeah, I'll try that. Maybe he's calling to say
you're obsessive and crazy? So should I call him back? (together)
No! (together)
No! No, that's alright.
I just had a jar of mustard. Okay, sperm donor number 03815. Come on down! Hey, he's 6'2, 170 pounds and he describes himself
as a male Geena Davis. You mean there's more
than one of us? You can't do this, Mon, alright. If you do this,
I'm-I'm gonna, I'm-I'm-- - You're gonna what?
- I'm gonna tell mom. Honey, I'm sorry,
but he's right. - I love you, but you're crazy.
- Crazy. What? Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way
to do something-- - Oh, it's not the ideal--
- Lips moving, still talking. They may not be ideal, but.. ...I'm so ready. You know, I-I see the way
Ben looks at you. I-it makes me ache, you know? Check it out,
jam crackers, I mean.. Okay, alright, how's this? "Twenty seven,
Italian-American guy. He is an actor,
born in Queens. Wow, big family. Seven sisters,
and he's the only.. ...boy. Oh, my God,
under personal comments "New York Knicks rule." Yeah, the Knicks rule! Joey, this is you. Let me see. Oh, right, yeah. When did you go
to a sperm bank? Well, right after I did
that sex study down at NYU. Hey, remember that sweater
I gave you for your birthday? And that's how you bought it? No, that's what I was wearing
when I donated. I'm kinda surprised
there's any of my boys left. Well, honey, it is
pretty competitive. I mean, I've got an actual
rocket scientist here. Hey, maybe I should call
this place and get 'em to put my "Days Of Our Lives"
gig on here. You know, juice this puppy
up a little. - Hey.
- Hey. Hey, man.
What's up? Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to
know why I didn't show up at the audition
I didn't know I had today. The first good thing
she gets me in weeks. How could you not
give me the message? Uh, I tell you,
I do enjoy guilt. But, uh, it wasn't me. Yes, it was.
It was him. Uh-huh. Okay, it was me. How was it you? Well, it was just,
it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was
in the closet counting to ten and he was up to seven
and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. Look, I-I meant to tell you and I wrote it all
down on my hand. See, all of it. - Yep, that's my audition.
- Yeah. See? Now this is why I keep
notepads everywhere. Yep, and that's why
we don't invite you to play. What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself
another appointment. Well, Estelle tried,
you know? The casting director told
her that I missed my chance. Well, that is unfair. I'll call her. I'll tell her
it was totally my fault. Phoebs, you can't do that. The casting director
doesn't talk to friends. She only talks to agents. What a sad little life
she must lead. Okay. Ooh. What are you doing?
What are you doing? No, no, no,
I know, I know. Ooh. [low-pitched]
Hi, this is Katelyn
from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is, um, Ann
there for Phoebe? She'll know
what it's about. Hang up.
Hang up right.. Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got
a problem with Joey Tribbiani. Apparently he missed
his audition. Who did you speak
to in my office? Estelle? No, I don't know
what I'm gonna do with her. No, alright,
so your husband leaves you and then burns down
the apartment. The world does not stop. Is anybody else scared? Right, well, look,
if Joey loses this audition then, that is it for Estelle. I don't care. Annie, you are a doll. What time
can you see him? [whispering]
I need a pen, a pen. Get the woman a pad!
Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad! Oh, now, you want a pad. [instrumental music] Oh, sorry. Did I get you? No, you didn't get me. It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me! Calm down.
Do you want this unit or not? I do not want this unit. Well, you should have
told me that before. I'm not a mind reader. Ooh. And we're out of beer.
Okay, I'm going to Monica's. Fine! Hey. Where you heading
in those pants, 1982? Oh, Monica, listen. I saw down at the hardware store they got those
designer tiles on sale if you ever wanna redo
your bathroom floor. What's wrong
with my bathroom floor? Nothing, it's just
old and dingy, that's all. I highly doubt that. Oh, yeah? If you, uh, move your hamper you can see the color
the tile used to be. [gasping]
Yeah. I can't live like this.
Wh-what am I gonna do? - What are we gonna do?
- Relax, relax. Here, hold this. This old stuff comes right up.
I'll show you. A little more than
I wanted to see. Oh! Look at that. Every inch
of this is glued down. It'd take forever
to pry this up. You should, uh,
you should just leave it. [scoffs] I can't leave it. You gouged a hole
in my dingy floor. Uh.. - Yeah, there you go.
- Aw! Yeah, that's nice. We can put it back there
after the surgeons remove it from your colon. Well.. ...I would like to
propose a toast. Oh! To the woman who in one year from today will become
Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, DDS. Mmm. I think it's time
to see the ring again. [screaming] Isn't it exciting? I mean, it's like having
a boyfriend for life. [clearing throat] Yeah. I know. What? Ohh...I don't know. Well, maybe it's just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know. I think I-I, I feel like I need to have
one last fling, you know? To sort of get it
out of my system. Rachel, stop. - You're so bad.
- I'm serious. I really, I think
I need to just have some.. ...meaningless...sex, you know? With the next guy I see. Excuse me. I...seemed
to have dropped my ball. Yeah, so? And now I've
picked it up again. Oh, my God. I went to high school
with her. Rachel!
Hi. Monica! Look. Hi. - What do you think?
- Oh, my God. You can't even see where
the Titanic hit it. [laughs] Yes. His name is Barry. He's a doctor,
thank you very much. Aw, just like
you always wanted. - Congratulations.
- Thank you. So how-how about you? Are you seeing anybody? Oh, not right now. Oh, well, that's okay. I know. Eh, oh, so I-I think
I'll get back to my friend. Oh, yeah,
sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure. Listen. Can we please have lunch the next time
I'm in the city? Oh, that'd be great. - Okay.
- Thanks. - Bye.
- Bye. Ten bucks says I never see
that woman again in my life. - Hi.
- Hey. Ooh! How was teaching
last night? Oh, it was great! Yeah, you get
to say stuff like Hey, the bell doesn't
dismiss you. I dismiss you. - Oh. Nice.
- 'Yeah.' Oh, and guess what? I got an
audition for all my children. - Oh, yay!
- 'Yeah, it's this great part.' This boxer named Nick. I'm so, so right for it,
you know. He's just like me,
except, but he's a boxer and he has an evil twin. [knock on door] Oh! ♪ Dum ta da dum ♪ Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from
The Mattress King. You Miss Geller? - Okay.
- Sign here. Oh. Do I have
a middle name? Alright. Monica Faloola.. ...Geller. It's that bedroom there. Hey, Monica bought a bed
from The Mattress King? Yeah. So, please, please please don't say
anything to Chandler. You want me to lie
to Chandler? - Is that a problem?
- No. Oh, hey, hey,
Nick, the boxer. Let's see what you got. Alright, yeah,
put them up, come on. Hey...you're pretty good
at this. Yeah, well, I had to learn.
I was staying at the Y and some of the young men
weren't acting Christian enough. Oh. Hey, now. Hey! Ow! - And I'm bleeding.
- Oh. Oh.. Okay, great. Wow! And I'm
the vegetarian. Alright.
Well, I'm sorry. - We'll put some ice on it.
- Okay. - Put your head back.
- Alright. - I can't see.
- Oh, I have you. Oh, God. (male #1)
'Which bedroom do you
want it in, Miss Geller?' Oh, it's, ah,
it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay? Gotcha. Whoo-hoo! The curse is broken. I called everybody I know
and everyone is alive. - Huh.
- What? Ugly naked guy
looks awfully still. [gasps] Oh, my God. I killed him.
I killed another one. And this curse
is getting stronger too to bring down
something that big? Well, maybe he's just
taking a nap. I'm telling you, he hasn't moved
since this morning. - Okay. We should call somebody.
- And tell them what? That the naked guy we stare at
all the time isn't moving? Well, we've gotta find out
if he is alive. Yeah but how are we gonna do
that? There's no way. Well, there is one way. His window's open. I say...we poke him. Hey. You know how we, uh,
save all those chopsticks for no reason
when we get Chinese food? Yeah. Well, now we got a reason. - 'What?'
- Well. We're fashioning
a very long poking device. Right, now, remember,
something this big and long is gonna be very
difficult to maneuver. Fortunately, I have a lot
of experience in that area. [chuckling] Can we please focus here? A naked man's life
hangs in the balance. I'm telling you, he's dead. What we're about to have here
is a dead fat guy on a stick. Alright. Ladies
and gentlemen, let's poke. Steady, steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay.
We're approaching the window. Thread the needle.
Thread the needle. He's alive! He's alive! And yet we're still poking him. Okay, retract the device.
Retract the device. - He does not look happy.
- Hey, hey. Now he's showing us
his poking device. Hey, that's never gonna make it
all the way over here, buddy. Chandler, I want you
to run a post pattern to the left, okay?
And sweetie-- Yeah, I know. Go long. You know, it's like
all I'm doing is running back and forth
from the huddle. Well, uh...you wanna
just stay out there? - Can I see that for a sec?
- Yeah. Okay. - Okay, let's go.
- Alright. - 'I got you.'
- Hut, hike. One Mississippi, two
Mississippi, three Mississippi. Fumble! [screaming] What the hell's
the matter with you? It's my favorite jersey. Well, now you have two. Hey, I am good at math. Alright, that's it, you know, I
was still gonna let you have her but now, forget about it. Prepare to feel
very bad about yourself. Hey, well, I've been preparing
for that my entire life. Or something about you
that's mean. Alright, come on, guys,
let's go. Tie score.
Running out of time. Forty two, 38, hike. [ringing] Oh, I got it. [grunts]
Oh, broken boobs! Ow. - Phoebe, run.
- Run Phoebe. Run. Yes, touchdown, touchdown. (Joey)
'Oh-h! Oh.' No, no, no. Uh, hello.
The buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count. - After the snap.
- Before the snap. - After.
- Before. Now does it really matter? (all)
Yes. But, okay. I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So. Oh, Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count. Does so count. Cheater, cheater,
compulsive eater. [gasps] Oh, my God. You know what?
That's fine. Maybe you haven't
grown up but I have. Oh, okay. Dead leg! [moaning]
Okay, okay, fine, fine. Alright, you wanna win
by cheating? Go ahead. Alright. Phoebe, the touchdown
does count. You win. - Oh, yay.
- No. Listen, I'm not gonna go through
this with you again, okay? Just once, I wanna beat you
when you can't blame it on the broken nose
or the buzzer or the fact you thought
you might be getting mono. Alright, let's just call this
tie score and it's half time. Okay, first of all,
I don't play with cheaters and second of all you know
<i>I had swollen glands!</i> You know what? - I think you'll play.
- Oh, really? Why is that? Because the winner gets this. The Geller Cup. Is everybody else
seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four? (all)
Ha-huh! Okay, good. Well, seeing that
drunk Santa wet himself really perked up my Christmas. Oh, oh my God! - Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas! You see it now.
You guys. Oh, God, you're the best. It's like "Night Of The Living
Dead" Christmas trees. [phone rings] Hello? Yeah, this is she. Oh. You're kidding. You're kidding. Oh, thank you.
I love you! Sure, everybody
loves a kidder. I got the job. - That's great.
- Alright. God bless us,
every one. Here we go. I'm serving
my last cup of coffee. [humming] There you go. Enjoy. [applauding] Should I tell her
I ordered tea? - No.
- No. Um, excuse me, everyone. Uh, this is my last
night working here and, uh, I just wanted to say that I made
some really good friends here and, uh, it's just time
to move on. Uh, and no offense to everybody
who, uh, still works here but you have no idea
how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never.. ...have to make coffee again. Now, Mr. Kaplan Sr.
likes his coffee strong so you wanna use two bags.. ...instead of one, see. Now pay attention,
'cause this part's tricky. See, some people
use filters just once. Hey! [chuckling]
Hi. How's it going? - Good.
- Hey, Rach. How are you doing
with The Shining? Oh, Danny just went
into Room 217. Oh...the next part's the best when that dead lady
in the bathtub.. Oh, no, no, no! Come on,
you're gonna ruin it. Alright.
I'll talk in code. Remember...when the kid sees
those two blanks in the hallway? - Oh..
- Yeah. That's very cool. Oh! All blank
and no blank makes blank
a blank blank. Oh, no, no.
No, the end. When Jack almost
kills them all with that blank but then in the last second,
they get away. Oh! Oh, oh! Joey, I can't believe
you just did that. I can't believe
she cracked your code. Alright. Okay. Laurie proposes to Joe,
and she says no even though she's still
in love with him and then he ends up
marrying Amy. Hey! Mine was by accident! Alright. The boiler explodes
and destroys the hotel and kills the dad. [gasping] Beth dies. [gasping] Beth.. Beth dies? - Mm-hmm.
- Is that true? If I keep reading,
is Beth going to die? No, Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die. - Does she, Rachel?
- What? Joey's asking if
you've just ruined the first book
he's ever loved that didn't star
Jack Nicholson. No. She doesn't die. Then why would you say that? Because.. ...I wanted to hurt you. Oh, there they are. I-I dropped my keys. [gasping]
Oh, my! Got them. - Hey.
- Hey. Is, uh, is Chandler around? No, um, he met some girl
at the coffeehouse. - Ooh.
- Yeah. Ginger something. No. No, no. Are you sure it wasn't something
that sounded like Ginger? Like, uh, Gingeer? No, it was Ginger. I remember because
when he told me, I said.. ♪ The movie star ♪♪ Aw, man, that's the girl
I was hiding from. When she finds out
he's my roommate she's gonna
tell him what I did. Why? What did you do? Oh, oh, no, no, I can't.. I can't tell you that,
it's like the most awful horrible thing
I've ever done in my whole life. You know what?
Don't tell us. We'll just wait
till Chandler gets home because it'll be
more fun that way. Alright. Okay, it was like
four years ago. Okay? Ginger and I
had gone out a few times. And then this
one weekend we went up to
her dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her
annoying little dog Pepper. Well, that night I cooked
this really romantic dinner.. You gave her food poisoning! I wish. After dinner, me, her,
and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well, I woke up
in the middle of the night and I saw
that the fire was dying out so I picked up a log
and threw it on. Or at least what
I thought was a log. Oh, my God! You threw
Pepper on the fire. I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should've
told you about Ginger is that she kind of
has a, uh.. ...artificial leg. Oh, my God. Joey, what did you do after you threw
her leg on the fire? I ran! No, no, no, I am looking
at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we
ordered the Riviera bikini in a variety of sizes
and colors and.. What does it matter
what I'm wearing? Could I please speak
to your supervisor? Thank you. We're holding. - Hi.
- Oh! Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? Well, you said
you couldn't go out, so.. You brought a picnic.
Uh, what a boyfriend. That's it. On Monday,
I start wearing makeup. Ross, honey, this is very nice,
but, but I-I've got a crisis. Yeah, but I've got couscous! Honey, honey, I'm sorry,
I know it's our anniversary but I told you on the phone,
I don't have time to stop. Okay, you don't have to stop.
I'm invisible. I'm not here. Yeah, but I don't.. Oh, who approved that order? Well, there is no Mark Robinson
in this office. - Get me Mark on the phone!
- Oh, I love Mark. - Do you know Mark?
- Yeah. Well, let me just check that
with what I've got here. Alright, see, 038 is not
the number for this store. 038 is Atlanta. And I.. [whirring] [chuckles]
Pepper? - None for me.
- Okay, sorry. Whew. I'm sorry. As I was saying,
the store number is wrong. And I'm sorry, but that is.. - Oh, my God! Ross!
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my.. Okay, that's a fire. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to
call you back. I've got Shemp in my office. - What are you doing?
- Uh, I'm sorry. But, um, hey, oh,
somebody's off the phone. How about a glass of wine
by the fire? I can get it going again,
if you.. Ross, you're not
listening to me. I don't have time to stop. Come on, Rach, you don't
have what, ten minutes? - I don't have ten minutes!
- What? Sophie, does she
have ten minutes? Hey, Ross, I told you, I don't! Don't yell at me, okay? This is
the most I've seen you all week. Look, I cannot
do this right now, okay? I've got a deadline.
Would you just go home. - I'll talk to you later.
- Yeah, but wait-- Goodbye! Uh, actually,
that's our three-hole punch. Come on, Rachel.
Come on, talk to me, please. 'You know, I can't even
look at you, right now.' What? Nothing. Nothing. Rachel said
everything was okay. What are they talking about? - Rachel--
- Just get away from me. It was a mistake.
I made a mistake, okay? "A mistake?" What were you trying
to put it in. Her purse? Where? Where did he put it? Ross, you had sex
with another woman. - Oh.
- Oh, my God. Oh, I knew, something had
to be wrong because my fingernails did
not grow at all yesterday. Yeah, well, I guess they had
a fight and he got drunk-- [gasping]
You guys knew about this
and you didn't tell us? He had sex and we get hit
on our heads. You know what, I want
you to leave. Get out of here. - No! No!
- Just get out. Now! I know, I wanna stay.
I want to talk about this. Okay. Alright. How was she? Uh-oh. - What?
- Was she good? Don't answer that. Come on, Ross. You said,
you wanted to talk about it. Let's talk about it!
How was she? She was.. - Awful.
- She was not good. - Horrible.
- Not good. Nothing compared to you. She..
She was different. - Oh.
- Uh-oh. Good. Different? Nobody likes change, I.. - You just stop..
- What? Okay, okay, okay, okay. Sh-should we do something? Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel. I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry. I was-I was disgusted
with myself and this-this morning,
I was so, I was-I was so upset and then I got your message,
I was so happy and all I wanted was
to get her out of my apartment
as fast as poss-- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute. What time did your
little friend leave? Uh. Oh, my gosh.
She was there. She was still there? She was in there when
I was in there? Oh! Just get out! Listen, oh, hey, hey,
the important thing is she meant, she meant
nothing to me. And yet she was worth
jeopardizing our relationship? Look, I didn't think there was
a relationship to jeopardize. I thought that
we were broken up. We were on a break. That, for all I knew,
could last forever. That, to me, is a break up. You think you're gonna get
of this on a technicality? Look, I'm not trying
to get out of anything, okay. I thought
our relationship was dead. Well, you sure had a hell
of a time at the wake. You know what? I don't think we
should listen to this anymore. Wait, what are you doing? We can't go out there. Why not? I'm hungry. Because they'll know
we've been listening. God! And to have to hear
about it from Gunther! Come on, like I wanted
him to tell you? I ran all over the place
trying to make sure that didn't happen. Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love
with you all over again. (Chandler)
'Here we go.' - Okay, brace yourselves.
- What? Oh! Okay. Ow. - Aren't you gonna go?
- No. Thank you. No, Rachel never pees
in public restrooms. Well, they never have
any paper in there, you know. So my rule is,
no tissue, no tushy. Well, if everybody's going.. Oh, you know what,
don't close it! - The keys are in there!
- What! - Oh, no, no, no!
- What's going on? My lighter's in there! Damn. The tailpipe's
not hot enough to light this. Relax, okay?
I-I can get this open. - An-anybody got a coat hanger?
- Oh, I do. Oh. No, wait a minute. I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning. So if your parents
hadn't got divorced you'd be able
to answer a question like a normal person? Look, I just need a wire,
something to jimmy it. Oh, hey, one of you guys give me
the underwire from your bra. (all)
What? Come on.
Who has the biggest boobs? [exclaiming] Whoever has the biggest boobs
has the biggest bra therefore has the biggest wire. - No.
- You're not getting my bra. If you wanna get back
in the car, we need that wire. Your call. Okay, Monica's are the biggest. Oh! These tiny little non-breasts?
Please. It's got to be Rachel. Wha, no, no, no.
Mine are deceptively small. I mean, I-I actually
sometimes stuff my bra. Alright, okay, well, then your
bra would still be big. No, I stuff outside the bra. Ladies, ladies,
let's just compromise, okay? Phoebe, Rachel,
take off Monica's bra. Alright, forget it.
Never mind. - You can have mine.
- Thank you. Chandler, what are you doing? There is a trash can
right there. Well, I thought if I littered,
that crying Indian might come by and save us. - Okay, there.
- Thank you, Phoebe. That's very, very...generous. Okay, now let's decide
who has the nicest ass. - And there you go!
- Oh! Yay! Oh, Chandler. At least let me smoke it
to the good part. (Phoebe)
'Okay.' Oh, no. - What? W-what's going on?
- What? Yeah, this has happened before. - So, you know how to fix it?
- Yep. Put more gas in. Thank you.
Here you go. Oh, you know what?
I didn't want cinnamon on this. Sorry. - Hi.
- Oh, my God! - 'Hi!'
- Frank! Hi! How are you? What are you doing here? Well, you know
I would have called but I lost
your phone number and then, my mom locked me
out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried
to find a pay phone and the receiver
was cut off, so.. Well, what happened? Uh...oh. Uh, vandalism. But also...what happened
between you and your mom? Well, we got in a fight.. ...uh, 'cause she said I was
too immature to get married. - You're getting married?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God! My little brother's
getting married! Yeah. Oh, I knew you'd be
so cool about this. Alright, hey,
do you wanna meet her? Do I? Do you? - Yeah, I do! Yeah!
- Okay, cool! Alright! She's just, uh,
parking the truck. I'm gonna... I'm gonna
go get my, uh.. my fiancee, man! You know, I would have
bet good money that he'd be the first one
of us to get married. Yeah, isn't it fantastic? Yeah...uh, but.. ...Pheebs, don't you think he's
a little young to get married? - Well, he's 18.
- Exactly. It will be
illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party. Yeah, or-or
to get a hooker. Always illegal, Joe. Hey...hey,
this is, uh.. ...my fiancee, Mrs. Knight. [nervous laugh] (Frank)
'That's, uh...that's my sister.' You know, it's funny. Frank's told me
so much about you but you're not how I
pictured you at all. Yeah. I'm a big surprise. - Here you go.
- Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah.
Grab a seat. So, uh, how did
you guys meet? Well, um, I was in
Mrs. Knights'.. I mean Alice. Sorry. Alice. I always do that. [nervous laugh] You know.. ...I was in her Home Ec class. And he was my best student. Yeah, she was
my best teacher. Oh! If that doesn't keep
kids in school, what will? - Hi.
- Hi. You, uh...wanted to see me? Yeah. Uh, here's a box of your stuff. What? Uh, you know, it's just,
like, hats and shirt and CDs. Just sort of stuff
that you've left here. What are you doing,
are-are you trying to hurt me
or something? No. Ross, it.. It just seems that,
you know, it's time we move on. I mean,
don't you think? - Yes.
- Yeah. - Yes, I do.
- Good. Yeah, I-I really do. Hey! This.. This was a gift. Ross, you got that for free
from the museum gift shop. It's still a gift. I got if from the gift shop. Okay. Alright. Give me the mug.
I'll keep the mug. No! You know, don't
do me any favors. In fact, where.. Where's the rest of my stuff? Like, like,
my, um...hey! This book is mine! And-and-and and that
t-shirt you sleep in I'd like that back, too. Yes, I do. You know how much
I love that t-shirt. You never even wear
that t-shirt. I'm just trying to
help you move on. Oh, you are a petty man. - You are a petty, petty..
- Petty, petty.. - 'Petty, petty, small..'
- Small.. You are so just doing
this out of spite. Uh-uh. No, no, no. I'm gonna wear this
all the time. I love this shirt! You have not worn that
t-shirt since you were 15. It doesn't even fit you anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah. [deep voice]
Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. Now, if you don't mind, I'm
gonna take the rest of my stuff and relax.. ...in my favorite shirt. You have a pleasant evening. Look at it! Oh. Wallpaper's a little faded. That's okay.
Carpet's a little loose. Hardwood floors! - Hey.
- Hello. [gasps]
Oh, Monica! It's so beautiful! I know! - So I'm here, ready to play.
- Okay. I brought a bunch of stuff
for the house. So check it out.
Ha-ha. What's this? That's a dog.
Every house should have a dog. Not one that can pee
on the roof. Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built
on radioactive waste. And is this in case
the house sneezes? No, no. That's the ghost
for the attic. I don't want a ghost. Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one. Because the house is sitting on an ancient
Indian burial ground. Wait a minute, the house was
built on radioactive waste and an ancient
Indian burial ground? That would never happen. Okay, obviously,
you don't know much about the US Government. - Hey!
- 'Hey.' I need to talk to you! Sure. What's up? Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler. [chuckles]
I-I know. Well, if something comes up.. Well, I'm glad
you guys have passed that little awkward phase. Okay, my boss, Joanna.. ...when you left she started asking questions
about you-- Oh, oh, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the chan-chan man. That was...surreal. Okay, what do you think?
You interested at all? Yeah, she seemed cool,
attractive. - I'll do it.
- Oh, thank you, Chandler! This is so great!
She's gonna love me. Oh. Hey, dinosaur attack.
Quick, everybody into the house! [screaming] [imitating dinosaur] Alright, Phoebe, you know what?
T-t-that's it. That's it. Right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size,
they're not Victorian and-and they just don't go. Okay. Fine. Come, dinosaur,
we're not welcome in the house of no imagination. Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering
around the subject I just have
to say that dinosaurs they-they don't go "ruff." The little ones do. Okay, but this is the last time. ♪ With a chick chick here
and a chick chick there ♪ ♪ Here a chick there a chick
everywhere a chick chick ♪ ♪ Chicken ♪♪ - Hey.
- Hi. How's she doing? - She?
- Well, yeah. Don't-don't you think
it's a she? I don't know. [blowing] I can't tell, whatever it was
went back in too quickly. Well, anyway,
I gotta go change. I'm, uh, meeting some
of the cast for drinks. - Excuse me?
- What? I stayed home from work today
while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here
with our chick. Hey, who was up
from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning
trying to get her back to sleep? You don't think I get up
when you get up? - Oh, here it comes.
- Yes. Here it comes. I'm stuck here all day,
and then you come in and spend two seconds with us.. ...and then expect to go off
gallivanting with your friends? Well, I don't think so, mister. Hey, I need to relax. Okay? I was working all day. And you don't think taking care
of our chick is work? That's not what I said, okay?
I just meant-- I know what you meant. Have you noticed that
ever since we got this chick.. ...we've been fighting
a lot more than we used to? I don't know, maybe we weren't
ready to have a chick. [sighs]
I'll take her back tomorrow. Do you think we'll get
our three bucks back? - Hey.
- 'Hi.' Oh, hey. Alright, listen,
I-I have that TV thing in like two hours
and I need your help, okay? What do you think? This blue suit
or this brown one? Well, the brown one
brings out your eyes but your butt looks great
in the blue one. Really? This is from the woman
at the bar. [chuckling]
- Oh. Sorry. She thought
you were somebody else. What time is it? - 1:00.
- 1:00. 7:15. Watch doesn't work. Tommy's supposed
to be here soon. We're going to lunch. Look...look, I wasn't
gonna say anything to you but...alright.. ...I don't think you should
be seeing Tommy anymore. - You don't?
- No. The guy is mean.
I mean, really mean. I think you
should stay away from him. Hmm, or maybe,
I should stay away from all men. No. It's not just
because I'm jealous. I mean, I'm not, I'm not.
I'm not jealous. Okay, it's...look,
the guy, he screamed. He actually screamed at this
couple sitting in our seats. Yeah, and at the end
of the play, he.. ...he got up, you know,
and he just started like.. ...banging
his hands together. Okay, fine, fine.
You don't wanna believe me? - No, that's fine.
- We're kidding. Ross? Ross? Fine, no one believe me.
I'm Mr. Funny to you. - Mr. Funny--
- Whoa! Oh, sorry, Tommy. What's in the cup, Ross? - Um--
- What is in the cup? - Okay, it's coffee.
- Iced coffee? Tell me it's iced coffee. - It's, it's hot.
- Hot coffee! You idiot! You're gonna spill
hot coffee all over me, huh? What are you, just some big,
dumb, stupid, doofie idiot with a doofie-idiot hairdo, huh? Huh? What's your favorite thing
about summer time? Hmm, going
to the beach. - When it stays light real late.
- Yeah. - Hey.
- Tommy. Say, what's your
favorite thing about summer? Ooh, I don't know. Probably the uh,
smell of freshly-cut grass. - Oh, that's a good one.
- Yeah. And this is the den. Alright, check this out. - Lights.
- Whoa! Alright, less lights. Bad lights. Lights go away. Uh, see, you just need to find
the right command. - Yes, and the dimmer switch.
- Whoa. For a rich guy,
that's a pretty small TV. No, no, no,
that's the video phone. But hey, guys, you're not
supposed to be here so please do not
touch anything. I-KEA, this is comfortable. - This place is amazing.
- Oh, God. - That is the nicest kitchen.
- I know. No, but it's the nicest kitchen. The refrigerator told me
to have a great day. Look at this,
a millionaire's checkbook. Joey, put that down. [telephone ringing] Oh, my God, that's Pete.
Okay, get out. How the hell do you answer
a video phone? Monica? I guess that's how. Hey, Monica, how's it going? Oh, um, it's good. It's.. It's good. Just here watering the plants. Well, don't forget that ficus
over there by Rachel. Ha ha. Yeah, but Chandler's
on the couch. Yeah, I see him. You guys are
just the worst hiders ever. - Hey, Pete.
- Hey, Pete. - How you doing?
- 'Hey, guys.' Uh, Pete, the other day when you said
you needed to talk, um just so I know,
is it good news or bad news? Oh, it's good news.
No, it's definitely good news. 'Hold on a second,
I have another call.' Hey, how's it going? Oh, no, no it's still me. Ah, no, it's not, I've got
picture and picture here. 'Yeah?' Yeah, okay I'm gonna have
to call you back later. Monica, you,
I'm gonna have to call you back. Oh, oh, okay. Um, so I'll see you soon. - Okay, I love you.
- I love you. (together)
Love you, too. Okay. Well, it's good news.
It's good news. So what do you think
the good news is? Wow, look at this. He wrote a check for $50,000
to "Hugo Lindgren Ring Design." Oh, sorry. What do you think
the good news is? Oh, my.. Monica's going
to marry a millionaire! You've gotta get mom
on the phone. Call mom! Call mom! Hello? And that's Pete's mom. Um, hey, Rach,
can I ask you something? - Yeah.
- Okay, you can totally say no. But um, would it be
okay with you if I set Ross up
on a date? Oh. Uh, with who? Um, my friend Bonnie. She just always thought
Ross was really cute. And now that you two
aren't together she asked me
if I could set it up. But, if you're
not cool with it.. Wh-wh, which one
is Bonnie again? You remember her from
my birthday party two years ago? She's uh, yeah,
like average height medium build, bald. Oh. [chuckles]
That's fine. Really? Okay.
Good for you. Alright! [instrumental music] Wow, that was depressing I think
I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids
from "Fame". - Oh.
- Oh. Ready to go to the movies?
Mm-hmm. Oh, Rach, this is Bonnie. - Hi.
- This is Bonnie? This is Bonnie?
You're Bonnie? I can show you an ID.
If you want. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I was just.. You look a lot different
than the last time I-I saw you. Oh, yeah. Well, I just
started wearing bras again. Oh, that must be it. Well, I hope you
have fun tonight. - Thanks. You too.
- Okay. - You said she was bald.
- Yeah, she was bald. She's not now. How could you not tell me
that she has hair? I don't know. I hardly ever
say that about people. Oh, well,
this is just perfect! Well, I'm sorry.
I thought you said it was okay. Yeah, I said it was okay
when I thought she was some
weird bald chick. I mean, you know, that girl
has got hair all over her head. Well, maybe
it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like
her personality. Why, does she have
a bad personality? Oh, no. Bonnie's the best. Would you look
at that? I'm never going to find
a boyfriend again. I'll die an old maid. Oh, you're not going
to die an old maid. Maybe an old...
spinster cook. - Thanks.
- Hey, now besides. Worse comes to worst,
I'll be your boyfriend. [chuckles] Yeah, right. [laughs] Why is that so funny? You made a joke, right? So I laughed. [laughing] A little too hard. What am I, not, uh,
boyfriend material? No, you're Chandler. You know...Chandler. Okay, so we've establisd
my name and hit me. But theoretically, you ,
I mean say, we weren't friends Say, it's a blind date,w
up at your door and I'm like Hey, nice to meet you, I'd probably be
scared of the guy using a fake voice. - 'Hey.'
- Oh, hey. Oh, good,
you bought food. No, just my luggage. [horn honking] - 'Hey.'
- Hi. - 'Hey, guys.'
- 'Whoo!' (Chandler)
'Alright. yes.' Oh, I am having
the best karma this wee. First, I find this woman
who knew my parents and then my client
with the fuzzy back gives me
his beach house. Hmm, what about
that bike messenger you? Oh, I wasn't talking
about hiskarma. - Hey.
- Hey. (Joey)
Hey, check out the hat. Wait a minute, I know
that hat. I was taken
aboard that hat. They did experiments on. I can't have children! Seriously, where
did you get the hat? Ross gave it to me. I think she looks good. - Oh, thank you. Did he buy it for you o. Or win it for you? Well, excuse me, my
fashion-impaired friend. I'm here to tell you
that hats are back. And this time
they've ganged up and formed
one giant superhat.
