Four Words That Can Change Your Marriage

the title of my message is four words that can change your marriage now you be thinking about what those four words might be and I'll identify them for you in just a few moments Ephesians 5 and first Corinthians 13 how many of you are married raise your hand okay how many of you are single raise your hand all right how many of you who are single want to be married raise your hand how many of you who are single want to stay single raise your hand okay how many of you who are married want to be single raise your hand don't don't do it don't fall for this stop all right let's pray together father we pray as we look at your word now and discover secrets that really aren't secrets because they're plainly revealed in Scripture but they're secrets to many because they haven't cracked this book the user's manual of life help us to see these principles these truths these secrets and apply them and I pray that every marriage represented will be blessed as a result in every future marriage represented will be blessed we commit this time of Bible study to you now in Jesus name Amen well the other night our smoke alarm went off at 4 o'clock in the morning so I jumped out of bed put on my Hello Kitty slippers and ran to see what it was first of all I didn't know what alarm it was because I have a smoke alarm and a fire alarm next to each other so I'm staring at them trying to figure out what the problem is for starters there was no smoke there was no problem it was a malfunction my question is why is it that our alarms always malfunction in the middle of the night because they not malfunction in the middle of the day now they need to wake us up from a dead sleep so this may be one of the reasons that we tend to tune out alarms when they go off right like if you're in a parking structure in the mall and you hear a car alarm go off do you think someone's car is being broken into generally not it's probably someone who's lost their car they forgot what level they're parked on and they set their alarms off to find it my the only person who does that it's called multimers disease where you lose your car in a mall but so we tend to ignore alarms you remember in our last message on the topic of marriage I talked about the idiot light going off on your dashboard maybe alerting you to the fact that your oil is low but here's one idiot like you do not want to ignore this is the one that says low fuel don't ever get down in that red zone and stay there for too long well I think there's a lot of marriages right now that are running on empty in fact you might even say they're running on fumes and it doesn't have to be that way because God has not only told us how to have a good marriage in this word but he has given us the power to enact the principles he reveals in Scripture and I want to talk about that a little bit today well let's just start with the basic no-brainer God invented marriage it's his idea and is not for us to change it to alter it to add to it to subtract from it it is for us to do it the way that he has laid it out in Scripture and of course on our culture today there's no question there's a tack an attack on the family and on what we call traditional marriage which is really biblical marriage marriage between a man and a woman there are many people challenging the very institution of it and then of course there are people that want alternate versions of it now we need to get back to God's original plan and ask ourself the question am I being the best husband or the best wife I possibly could be because listen to this marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it is about being the right person so that's what we want to focus our attention on a strong and a cupping is a result of an obedience to God and His Word and Elena side of this world's distorted take-it-or-leave-it concept of marriage here's one of the problems we're allowing secular culture to dictate how a marriage should function and that is the wrong place to look the right place to look is in the pages of Scripture now when I do marital counseling which isn't all that often anymore I it's because someone has used me as a last-ditch effort in other words they've said our marriage is falling apart we're on the way to divorce court but if pastor Greg will see us will agree to come in together so if a couple comes into my office it's pretty much DOA okay and now I'm supposed to help these people and it's hard let me tell you and I often will start with the question are you both Christians oh-ho yes we love the Lord so much okay great do you guys both believe that the Bible is the Word of God oh yes we read the Bible every single day we love the Bible all right now are you willing to do what the Bible says even if you find it difficult oh now they don't like that question because they recognize I'm sort of setting the trap for them but I'm really not but what I'm trying to find out is are you going to do what the Bible says because the Bible tells us how to do this right remember we already pointed out that when Jesus was set up by the Pharisees and they asked him the question is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason he didn't deal with that he talked about the original concept and design of marriage saying that God brought the men and the woman together for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave into his wife and the two shall become one flesh so to operative words we discovered in our last message leaving clean first of all you leave all other relationships now you're still a son or a daughter to your parents you're still a brother or a sister to your siblings you're still a friend to others but now a new family has begun even if it's just a husband and wife or starters and now your primary allegiance and commitment must be to your spouse they should be your best friend that's a leaving them there's the cleaving not just being stuck together but holding on to one another lay this foundation right and if you do your marriage will stand the test of time more than standard it will flourish we recently redid the floor in our kitchen it wasn't by design it's because we flood at our old one we have a leaky hose on our washing machine and we came back from dinner or something then there was water everywhere so first they bring in those giant blowers you know to dry it out and to deal with any mold issues and then they relayed the floor what's ironic is about a number of years earlier maybe five years earlier we flooded the floor another time this was when we got back from an international trip and Cathy had some clothes and the sink and forgot to turn the water off and saw it overflow and so we ended up remodeling our kitchen so our basic approach to remodeling is flood remodel flood remodel I don't think the insurance companies are going to believe us if we go back with a third flood issue but remodeling is a hassle because it takes a lot of time it always takes longer than they say it well it always cost more than they say it would and your house is a mess like if it's your kitchen you can't really cook well all that remodeling going on and in the same way when you have a marriage that's not built on a proper foundation and you're having to remodel that's a lot of work so if you're not married yet good news start it right do it God's Way if you're already married and you're having problems with your foundation if necessary break it apart and relay it again but whatever this situation is God has the answers but here's what you don't want to do you don't want to walk away from that marriage if I hear another marriage breaking up for irreconcilable differences I'm going to scream I mean what are irreconcilable differences I've had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 30 nine years she is neat I'm messy she's kicked back and relaxed and I'm more in a rush all the time she likes British TV dramas I like shoot-'em-ups she's cute I'm fat it's irreconcilable don't clap whoo clap what was that there was one random sadly it was my wife it's like that old song says you say potato I say Fattah hoe you say tomato I say potato potato tomato tomahto let's call a whole thing off at the end of the song it says but if we call the whole thing off then we must part and oh if we ever part that would break my heart see there are differences and there will always be differences think about this what attracted you to your spouse to be in the first place probably the fact that they were different than you opposites really do attract maybe they're outgoing you're more reserved they were more of this not like you are more of that and so that thing drew you together and now that very thing that attracted you to one another has turned into a irreconcilable difference listen we need to embrace the fact that we're different viva la difference embrace it celebrate it but if in your mind your mate is the source of all the conflict and you are the innocent person I already know part of the problem any clear-thinking husband knows he can do a better job any clear-thinking wife knows that she can do a better job so if you're having marital problems and you're placing the blame solely on your mate that itself is part of the problem you're part of the problem too you need to face that we each need to look at what God is said to us here's one of our problems collectively is we read each other's mail I don't know about you but my wife has all my passwords and so she reads my emails and everything else I don't mind that at all but sometimes you'll say so what are you doing with it how did you know about that it's reading your emails oh right that's true okay and I read hers as well you find out a lot about each other when you do that the problem is is we read each other's mail in the Bible in other words wives are telling husbands with the Bible sensitive you're supposed to love me as Christ loves of church well the Bible says you're supposed to submit to me hey read your own mail and shut up focus on your part doing God what God I don't know God is and we don't I think it's a fish do it that was very random okay to it God has called you to do I don't know what kind of shape your marriage is in right now maybe it's strong and vibrant and if so I pray that the things that I'll share will strengthen your foundation strengthen your marriage maybe on the exterior you look good but underneath the surface there's a lot of problems your communication is poor there's lots of arguments I hope you can get a better biblical perspective but some of you might have marriages that are hanging by a thread some of you may already be on your way to divorce court and I pray that as you see what God has the seen as word you would find hope there is hope for a hurting marriage hope for even a failing marriage remember I've defined hope with the acronym h ope holding on with patient expectation those are the operative words hold on remember we pointed out last time that those couples that were having marital problems if they held on ultimately overcame them and had happy marriages Winston Churchill in the midst of World War two when London was being bombarded by the Nazis made this statement and I quote victory is not won by evacuation and the same is true of marriage now before we get to those four words that can change your marriage let's see some super important principles here in Ephesians 5 verse 17 therefore don't be unwise understand what the will of the Lord is don't be drunk with wine in which is dissipation but be filled with the spirit speaking to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord giving thanks always for all things to God the Father and the name of our Lord Jesus Christ submitting to one another in the fear of God now usually when we talk about marriage we go straight to the roles of husbands and wives husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church wives submit to your husbands is under the Lord but that some of the Bible does understand when the scripture was originally given there were not chapters and verses Paul did not say chapter 8 verse 1 there is therefore now no gunman known he didn't use chapters and verses he wrote it like you would write a letter later those chapters and verses were added and they're helpful and we find our way around Scripture because of them but sometimes there are breaks where there's not a break in thought and this is one of those cases as we read Ephesians 5 before we get to the role of husbands or wives both spouses are told that they need the power of the Spirit so that brings me to my first point to have a successful marriage you must be filled with the Holy Spirit to have a successful marriage you must be filled with the Holy Spirit verse 18 be filled with the spirit the verb in the Greek is in the imperative mo meaning it's not a suggestion it's a command to fail to do so cuts off your power supply and render you unable to be the husband or wife God has called you to be years ago we were doing a excuse me sorry again we were doing a clean-up day at the church and I have to tell you that I am NOT a handyman I mean if you have anything broken in your home I'm the last guy you want to call because when I'm done it will be worse than it was and I'm trying to be a handyman I'll go down to the hardware store in and try to find the right tools and but I make a mess of everything and my wife sees me walk into the house holding the hammer she's alarmed where are you going with that what are you going to repair let's let's call somebody to come help us and so we're arming this work day at the church and and everybody's helping out cleaning picking up trash painting trimming the hedges and and so I saw here was a hedge it needed trimming that someone brought one of those hedge trimmers after all that looks fun you know so I picked it up and they turned it on and to me they're wrong I like this and and I wasn't paying attention and I went right to the girl so I looked this way and I looked that way and I just set it down and walked off I didn't think anyone saw me and later on Dennis Davenport who was helping out that day and I was a pastor up in the high desert said I was up on the roof doing some work and I saw you do that but it's kind of hard to keep the tool working when you have cut the cord right and then brilliant bought that and it's kind of hard to keep a marriage flourishing when you've cut off your power supply what is the power supply it's the filling of the Holy Spirit we have the power to live a selfless life and put our meets needs first so we often go right into the roles of husband and why husbands and wives a Paul says first be filled with the spirit here's something else verse 21 submitting one to another in the fear of God now in English this is usually rendered as a separate sentence but that hides from the readers a very important point that Paul is making in the Greek verse 21 is the last clause in the previous sentence in which Paul describes several marks of a person who is filled with the Spirit be filled with the Holy Spirit speaking to yourselves in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord giving thanks all is to God for all things submitting one to another and the fear of God you see it's all one continuous flow of thought so if I'm a spirit-filled person I will be a submitting person I'm not talking to women right now specifically I'm talking to men too before anything that said das husbands and wives both spouses are told submitting yourselves one to another in the fear or reverence of God the spiritual husband will put the needs of his wife above his own this spiritual wife will put the needs of her husband above her own in other words everything that is given to us here is a result of being filled with the spirit but what does it mean to submit because we don't like that word submit we think about servitude slavery being taken advantage of but in reality we all submit all day long to Authority oh I don't really okay let's test the theory you get in your car and you drive on the wrong side of the street and see how that works out for you before long one of those authority figures is going to stop you called a police officer and you may be arrested you probably shouldn't be because you're under his authority or under her authority that's the way structure works when I was in Washington DC for the National Day of Prayer in this whole controversy so-called erupted over a definition of marriage and because I believe in what the Bible says about marriage I was attacked by activists gay groups as you know and they were trying to stop me from praying and the Pentagon and so they put a petition together and this was going on and this is before I was speaking on the chaplain from the Pentagon called me and said now Greg you're not going to say or do anything to enflame this even more are you I said no I I've come to speak on prayer and to pray for the nation and then the chaplain said Greg how much do you know about the military I said well I know some but Tony he said well we have a chain of command C and we're all under someone who goes right up to the Oval Office and if we are told we have to do something or we can't do something that's an order and we have to obey those orders you understand that yes I do Chaplin and he was trying to say that he might get overruled but thankfully I was able to go in there and and give that message and pray that prayer but we're all under a chain of command put the needs of your mate above your own it also means to get underneath and hold someone up so if you're walking along with your wife and chief is wearing her high-heeled say and she trips and falls you just say well Dwight even wear those I told you to wear practical shoes no I hope you grab her steady her you do the same for him wives a husband submission to his wife doesn't mean he abdicates his responsibilities of leadership in the home it means that he helps her bear her burdens the wife puts the needs of her husband above her on that submitting one to another in the fear of God now let's find those four words four words that can transform our marriage before I identify them for you I wonder what you've come up with on your own I can't ask you to yell em out while I've mass chaos here but actually on my Facebook page put a post in saying I'm going to speak on the topic four words that can change your marriage do you know what they are and people came up with some pretty good responses here's some of their responses Matt says four words that can change your marriage you're right my dear Jason says the four words are will you forgive me Theresa says the four words are I love you too Jack says yes you look great I like that how do I look you look great yes you look great gee-ya Rick similar whatever you want dear Cheryl says the four words that can change your marriage turn off the TV pretty good Maria how can I help Kelly writes the forwards are honey I messed up Jamie Owens Collins uh put a comment on her four words were happy wife happy life I like that finally Karen's four words work God please help me that's pretty close pretty close okay here they are Ephesians 5:25 let's read them together let's rename outloud in fact husbands love your wives let's I'll tell you what I don't want the wife to read it I want just the husbands to read it out loud verse 25 ready husband's love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she should be holy and without blemish so aunt husbands to love their own wives his/her own bodies he that loves his wife loves himself no one ever yet heeded his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones for this reason a man will leave his father a mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband girls you're off the hook today I'm coming after you later guys this was a bad day to come to church no actually was a really good day to come but I'm going to direct my primary comments to men today four times and eight versus men are told to simply love their wives and how we to do that as Christ loves the church now you might say well Greg that's a tall order yes it is the fact is many of them most marriages are in trouble because men are unwilling to obey God's commands to them heard a story about a husband and wife that went to see a pastor for counseling and now the pastor listened to all their conflicts and problems and so-called irreconcilable differences and said I don't really see any scriptural grounds whatsoever for you guys to get a divorce in fact he turns of the husband says the Bible tells you sir that you should love your wife as Christ loves the church the husband said well I can't do that pastor said all right let's begin at a lower level the Bible also says love your neighbor as you love yourself can you love your wife as much as you love your neighbor husband says no that's still too high of a level the pastor finally says well the Bible says love your enemies begin there it's not really a joke it's a point guys there's no getting off the hook here you need to love your wife now of course the word that Paul uses is the word agape it's a Greek word he uses it more than any other in the New Testament to describe love we're told in Scripture God is love it's that word agape Jesus said John 3:16 for God so loved the world he gave His only begotten Son again it's a word agape it's defined in Galatians 5 the fruit of the Spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness etc that's all a definition of the word agape this means that the Christian man has access to this supernatural love the non-believer does not have access to therefore for a Christian couple to separate or divorce due to irreconcilable double differences is not acceptable are we no different than non-christians is Christ not living in the Christian husband and the Christian wife can God not intervene and help you yes he can now I've heard it said that Christians divorce at the same rate as non-christians do you ever heard that before that's actually incorrect that's based on a false interpretation of data because you need to know that most Americans say they believe in God and a very high percentage of Americans claim to be Christians and so when we talk about Christians and non-christians we have to really zero in on what we mean studies have been done on people who attend church read their Bibles together pray together in other words they're committed real Christians their divorce rate is dramatically lower than the standard in the culture but among those who do not go to church do not read the Bible do not pray yet profess to be Christians yes their divorce rate is equal to the culture so it's not just about your profession it's about your commitment to Christ and if you really are seeking to live by God's Word yes your divorce rate is lower because you're seeking to do it God's Way agape love what is it dr. ed Wheaton his excellent book love life for every married couple writes us about agape love and I quote even in the best of marriages unlivable traits show up in both partners and in every marriage sooner or later a need arises that can be met only by unconditional love agape is a kind of love we need in those situations this love has the capacity to persist in the face of rejection and continue where there is no human response at all it can leap over walls it would stop any human love Kol it is never deflected by unlovable behavior it gives gladly to the undeserving without totaling the cost to the relationship of husband and wife which would otherwise lie at the mercy of fluctuating a mo sins and human upheavals agape impart stability I'm going to print a permanence that is rooted in the eternal he concludes agape is a divine solution for marriages populated by imperfect human beings and quote that's us imperfect human beings that need God self problems we don't look to the scripture for our kids we look to movies or even the songs one of my favorite songs out there about love is amore that's amore italian for thats love you know the words when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore when the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine that's amore bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing vita bella' hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay tippy-tippy-tay like a gate enter alla not sure what that is when the stars make you drool like a pasta fazool that's amore when you danced on the street with a cloud at your feet you're in love here wait a second that's not love that's mental illness what the moon hits you like a big pizza the world shines like you're drunk in your heart plays tippy-tippy-tay then you drool and dance down the street you're crazy man forget amore let's talk about agape that's the kind of love we need for a marriage that lasts now let's go to first Corinthians 13 and we have a definition not so much of what love is as much as a definition of what love does first Corinthians 13 the famous love chapter her Paul shows us how this agape love works in real life most ardent verse for love suffers long and is kind love does not envy love does not parade itself it's not puffed up it does not behave rudely does not seek its own it's not provoked it thinks don't weevil it does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things here's a more modern translation just listen to this love never gives up love cares more for others and for self love doesn't want what it doesn't have love doesn't strut love doesn't have a swelled head it doesn't force itself on others it isn't always saying me first love doesn't fly off the handle love doesn't keep score of the sins of others love doesn't rebel when others grovel love puts up with anything love trust God always it always looks for the best it never looks back love keeps going to the end I like that you want to feel uncomfortable take out the word love and insert your name in its place Greg cares more for Kappa than eat Cathy and he does for himself Greg doesn't want what he doesn't have Greg puts up with anything trumps God always not doesn't fit very well there's only one name that fits perfectly and it's Jesus Christ this is really a portrait of Jesus look at what love does not just what love is what love does love practices patience it doesn't just have kind feelings it does kind things it's not a benign attitude it's action love means unconditionally loving the unlovable the undeserving and the unresponsive love is only love when it acts first John 3:18 let us love not in Word or in tongue but in deed and in truth this is how a husband is supposed to love his wife so don't tell me you've tried everything people say our marriage is falling apart we're seeking counseling here's my first question is it biblical counseling getting counseling is meaningless if it's not biblical sometimes there's counseling that's anti-biblical maybe you're going to a psychologist a psychiatrist and they put you in antidepressants listen I have a way for you to save your money and stay off drugs try loving one another as God tells you to tell Greg stop you know you're so simplistic you're naive no actually why don't you give it a try have you done it God's Way are you living this way see it's no good looking for the truth if you look in the wrong place heard about a drunk guy that was searching for his wallet under a streetlight someone asked him what's what did you lose I lost my wallet did you lose it around here now I lost you down the street why are you searching here if you lost your wallet down the street there's no light there wait now it doesn't help to search for something if you look in the wrong place what's the right place the Bible do it the way the Bible tells you to do it so do we learn from these passages we've read number one if you really love your wife be patient with her love is long tempered a word to you singles I don't want to leave you out love is patient the Bible tells us a a beautiful story about love and it was about a man that was in love with a woman his name was Jacob and her name was Rachel and he wanted to marry her but her dad Laban was quite the conniver and said I'll tell you what son you want to marry this girl yes I do you work for me for seven years and when those seven years are up I'll give her to you okay so Jacob worked for seven years for laman the seven years are up the wedding night comes he wakes up in the morning now with Rachel but with their less attractive sister Leah he goes back to father Lehman says we wait I worked all those years for for Rachel and how you gave me Leah oh sorry about that all we all make mistakes so listen work for seven more years and you can have Rachel and the Bible says he did this and it seemed his but a few days for the love that he got for her if you're really in love with someone and it's genuine it will stand the test of time so don't rush it don't rush it take your time many waters cannot quench love neither can floods drown it but love is patient number two if you really love your wife you'll show kindness and tenderness to her verse 4 love is kind just as patience will take anything from others kindness will give anything to others if you love your wife as you want to she will respond why are we Christians why do you follow Jesus the Bible says you love him because he first loved you your love for God is a response to his love for you the same is true in marriage if husbands would just do their part it would transform marriages across our country if husbands would just say I'm going to focus on these four words today husbands love your wife that's what I'm going to do it would change everything because she would respond accordingly now there's exceptions there are exceptions because to the point not everyone is a Christian and some people resist the love of God and so just because you love your wife as Christ loves the church it doesn't guarantee she'll always respond but I'm telling you in most cases she will here's something to think about if you treat your wife like a throw bed throw bread you'll never end up with an ad here it is on the screen you treat your wife like a thoroughbred she'll never end up you'll never end up with a net I can't even say this it's so profound but this is a practical love he shows his kindness in practical ways I mean think about this when you first were courting your wife to be what did you do well you actually took a shower you gave some thought about the way you looked you showed good manners you didn't chew with your mouth open you told her how attractive she looked then you married her well that's changed hasn't it maybe need to go back to do some of those first things again proverbs 31 says her children call her blood said and her husband praises her when's the last time you praised your wife about that I mean complimented her in front of others compliment your wife in front of friends in front of your kids in front of even strangers bragging on your wife a lot of times will criticize her don't ever do that publicly you have something to say to her or to him for that matter do it later but not in front of other people but you know here's the thing let me say something to defend guys for a moment because it's sometimes said you know women are much more emotional than men I don't think that's true I just think we express our emotions differently it is easier in most cases for a woman to express the way she is feeling than it is for a man but men are feeling those things I think deep down inside that man that husband loves his wife with all of his heart he thinks these things he just doesn't always verbalize these things he looks and thinks well she looks beautiful but for some inexplicable reason he doesn't say it it just thinks it so either you have to become a mind reader girls or hope your husband to say what he's really thinking as the great theologian Bruno Mars pointed out in this song when I was your man too young too dumb to realize I should have brought you flowers and held your hand should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance now my baby's dancing well another man pretty good Bruno some Christian husbands could learn from what he wrote he show her kindness he's show her love so I'm going to help you guys right now you're ready for an awkward moment husbands were are you raise your hand I need to know where you are okay guys wives where are you raise your hand wise oh I hope you're next to your husband not we're not in two sections of the church all right husband's turn to your wife turn to her and I'm going to ask you to repeat something after me out loud I want to hear you do it turn your wife husbands ready say this after me I hate it when Greg makes me do stuff like this it good no no don't say okay sorry this is a real now turn to your wife say this up for me Greg is a really good preacher don't you no no don't say that Tom though can this is it turn your wife say these words I love you come on better this time say it again go oh that's sweet you know hugging the kiss can go a long way we're not going to do that here but you know some German researchers got together and did an in-depth study on why people live long lives here's what they discovered I'm not making this up they discovered the people that live longer lives kiss their wife before they went to work every day they said the good-morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and her twenty to thirty percent more money than non kiss hurts give it a try after church number three if you love your wife you'll not boast of it to her but just do it if you love your wife you won't boast of it to her you'll just do it verse four love does not parade itself this means to strut it's the idea of reminding your spouse of all that you do for them do you realize how hard I work to give you this standard of living do you know what I do do you understand the sacrifices that I've made you say but Greg I have I know but love doesn't brag about it number four if you love your wife you'll show kindness and tenderness to her kindness and tenderness to her birth five love does not behave rudely some husbands would show more kindness to a complete stranger than they would show to their own wife whose bone of their bones and flesh of their flesh I mean there would be a woman walking toward a door with packages and the guy would run and open the door for her which is good that's a good thing to do then his own wife come he goes hey kick it with your foot you know take the kids sling the kid to the side hold the bag of the kid you know why is that number five if you love your wife you'll not be harsh with her verse five love is not provoked easily this means to be a roused to anger or sudden outburst if you're screaming and yelling at your spouse you've crossed the line don't ever go to bed angry at each other Abby since 426 says don't let the Sun go down in your wrath heard about a husband and wife they decided to put that into practice they would never go to sleep mad at each other they've been married for thirty years someone asks a husband how did that work out he said pretty well but it was hard sometimes sitting up all night number six if you really love your wife you'll believe the best not the worst about her you'll believe the best not the worst about our verse five love thinks no evil or takes into account this is a bookkeeping term that means to calculate enter into a ledger a record that can be consulted when needed get it so they mean German an argument and you actually say well I remember when you said 20 years ago what yeah I remember right here why do you have it right there why do you still remember well I remember love doesn't do that love for Gibbs and love forgets finally love indoors all things it endures all things it refuses to surrender it will not stop believing it keeps hoping love will simply not stop loving you know some friction comes in a marriage and one says I'm leaving you I'm going back to my mother I'm gonna get a hotel room and the sad thing is she's 70 no I'm gonna get a hotel room I'm separating don't do that unless it's absolutely necessary but I wish we could take this word divorce and strike it from ovo Cabul Aries and not even put it on the table and seek to resolve these conflicts that we have no you might say well Greg you know this isn't easy I know that I can't do this on my own strength I know that too but God has given you the power to do this so I'm going to just wait so I feel that power you don't have to wait till you feel it the power is already there Romans 5:5 says the love of God is shut up brought in your heart by the Holy Spirit don't wait until you feel love just start loving don't wait - you feel kindness just start doing kind things just start doing it and then in time you'll feel it that's a whole emphasis or first Corinthians 13:4 words that can change your marriage husband's love your wives let me close with two more words sort of bonus two more words it can really help your marriage you ready I'm sorry I'm sorry why do you find that funny seriously though I'm sorry you say that to your spouse you know you've crossed the line you know you said something you should not have said or you didn't say something you should have said are you fell short in some way to say no what I'm really sorry I apologize I was wrong and I'll tell you what if you do that it can change your marriage as Ruth Graham said a successful marriage is made up of two good forgivers you need to learn to forgive and you need to learn to forget so men it's time to man up same person laughing I'm not going to talk about that name all kinds of thoughts are going through my mind okay it's time to man up and be the man that God has called you to be to love your wife as Christ loved the church how did Christ loved the church he gave himself for us Jesus Christ the Son of God left the glory of heaven and came to this earth and voluntarily went to a cross and died for the sin of all of humanity and rose again from the dead see there's no way that we can do this without God's help it's interesting to me how God says you want to know how much I love my church then look at the way that that Christian husband loves his wife of all the analogies of all of the pictures God could have chosen he chooses the marriage he says to a lost world look at the Christian marriage look at the way that man loves his wife that's how much I love my people look at the way that wife loves her husband and respects him that's the way my church loves me man I'll tell you what if there's anywhere you need to live the gospel it's in the marriage for so many challenges all of our foibles and our flaws are exposed we need to bend we need to flex we need to forgive we need to do it over and over again it changes us God uses it to make us more like Jesus but let me close them saying if you're married or single whatever your status God loved you so much he sent his son to die for you and if you have not believed in Jesus yet I hope you'll do it right now because he stands at the door of your life and he knocks and says it will hear his voice and open the door he will come in and maybe you need this forgiveness today maybe you've done something you know what's wrong you've fallen short of his standards every one of us have sinned that's what the Bible teaches but it will turn from that sin and put our faith in Jesus Christ he will forgive us and if you've never asked him into your life why don't you do it right now and experience his forgiveness so you can have a fresh start in life let's all bow our heads and pray everybody praying please father thank you for your word to us thank you for the offer of forgiveness through Jesus Christ now when our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed maybe you have joined us today would say you know I don't really know if Jesus Christ is living inside of me I don't know that I have is forgiveness I don't know with certainty that I will go to heaven when I die but I want to know that I want Jesus to come into my life I want to get right with God right now if that's your desire if you want Christ to come into your life if you want him to forgive you of your sin if you want to go to heaven when you die or if you've fallen away from the Lord and you want to come back to him right now wherever you're sitting would you lift your hand let me pray for you today you want Christ to come into your life let me pray for you raise your hand up I'll pray for you God bless you God bless you god bless each one of you anybody else raise your hand if if you would come bless you it's just to anybody married single young old you need Jesus and he'll forgive you but you must ask for his forgiveness anybody else if you've not raised your hand yet raise it now god bless you you did a razor again if you would please pray this prayer out loud after me right where you are again as I pray pray this after me right where you are Lord Jesus I know I'm a sinner but you died on that cross for my sin and rose again from the dead now come into my life you me my Savior and Lord oh my god oh my friend I choose to follow you Jesus from this moment forward thank you for calling and accepting me and forgiving me in Jesus name I pray amen

Channel: Pastor Greg Laurie

Views: 162,129

Rating: 4.8044524 out of 5

Keywords: harvest, greg, laurie, happily, even, after, four, words, change, your, marriage, change your marriage, ephesians 5, 1 corinthians 13

Id: dPY7fNURSb4

Length: 50min 45sec (3045 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 09 2013