What's hurting your relationships? | Pastor Steven Furtick

here's a garden this this represents the love of a relationship and and all the potential of a relationship and this of course represents the offenses that are going to come into your relationship now you don't have to be married to get a whole lot out of what I'm saying right now this will apply to anybody in your life who is important to you and show you exactly what the enemy will try to do like for instance I don't know if Stephanie's a good cook or not oh yeah yeah good good and and I was talking to my mom this morning no my mom lives here in Charlotte and she reminded me of this story is hilarious it just shows how offenses can come because the question isn't of our offense is going to come into your relationship that's not the question they're gonna come they're gonna come the question is what are you going to do with them that's what determines whether or not you keep a strong relationship with God with others with yourself so my mom was telling me they were at my father's mom's house so my grandmother my dad's mom's house for Thanksgiving and she made some stuffing do you know that yeah and when she and my grandmother made some stuffing and the way the way I understood the story my dad was sitting there eating his mom's stuffing and while he's eating the stuffing he says trying to give a compliment to his mom he's like mmm mom nobody makes stuffing like you I mean other people try to make stuffing but nobody can make it like you and my mom is my mom is thinking while he's saying nobody makes stuffing like you my mom is thinking and nobody is going to make stuffing for you X that's your mom so you better invite your mom to be your cook if nobody makes stuffing like her and my mom said I didn't make that man stuffing on Thanksgiving for the next six years and I said can I tell the church that story it's a good illustration she said yes as long as you clarify that I really do make better stuffing than your grandmother now I got you holding that because he says this stuff um he says these unintentional things cuz men are stupid we just say stuff we don't realize what we're saying and we just say stuff and maybe then hasn't done it yet to me he looks like an intelligent man but he's gonna say something and he it will be unintentional in his mind he's just saying it he's just saying something just it's a cesta or sometimes it's not what they say it's what they don't do it's an unmet expectation that is the breeding ground of offenses and relationships unmet expectations and let me tell you the breeding ground of unmet expectations unexpressed expectations so you got to learn how to talk to people otherwise like let's say growing up in Stephanie's house birthdays were a big deal but maybe a dance house they didn't make a big deal about birthdays cuz hey what did you do you didn't do anything on your birthday you were just born so maybe on birthdays at Dan's house nobody celebrates the fact that you just came out into the world like it was some great achievement but Stephanie wakes up and her mom used to make her pancakes on her birthday and her dad had a special song that he was saying I don't know I'm making this stuff up I never met Stephanie and Dan before I was making a scenario and so Dan wakes up on the birthday and he's gonna take her out to PF Changs that night because that's her favorite place she said but now it's morning time and it's like 7:00 and there's no pancakes and there's no special song and there's no thing and so now all of a sudden it's the first birthday they spent as a married couple and he wakes up and gives her a little kiss and goes to work and Lise R with an offense and you're like well that's stupid that she shouldn't get so offended over that well you get offended over some stuff to some little things and you hold it and and it won't just be you offending her let's say maybe let's say you're working really hard this used to happen in me and Holly's marriage this is an example I did not ask for permission to share when I discovered that her recreational preference was shopping and yeah yeah so she said me too so you come home on Saturday Hollywood come home on Saturday and she would be energized and she would have bags all over her arms but to me those bags didn't look like shopping bags those bags look like grenades to be launched into our financial picture Here I am trying to work she walking in with all these bags looking at her and then she has the nerve to say don't worry cuz I got it on and this is what the devil wants all right now Dan is trying to fall asleep on Saturday night and again I'm just making this up but she handed you this official I'm trying to offend you she was just shopping it was just a thing but then it's working and doesn't she see how hard I'm working and how does she expect us to get ahead financially and like the last thing she needs is another pair of shoes and what's the incident enemies like yeah yeah that's good then that's good she doesn't care about you she doesn't respect you she doesn't she doesn't appreciate all that you're doing to provide for her she's working against you it's just a little offense meanwhile Stephanie is still stuck on her birthday it was four months ago she's still mad about the pancakes come here Stephanie and she's over here and and she's still she's still nursing that that thing about the birthday and see us every time she thinks about it yes a little deeper should drive it down in there with every thought and reliving it and thinking about what he said and what she did and what they didn't say and pay attention to me and appreciate me it drives it down deeper and marriage is gonna give you because it's the most intimate relationship and the more intimate the relationship the more infinite the potential for offense and so you're gonna have like a million offenses little offenses and if you don't learn how to deal with them because sometimes the thing that you liked about her when you were dating will drive you crazy now that you have to wake up with it every day no offense to Stephanie I'm sure she's wonderful you're like oh why would you say that about her it's true about everybody here's how the country preacher said that he said before marriage opposites attract after marriage opposites attack a man that's how the country creature said it and so I know it's kind of heavy that's how fences are but it's not all at once it's just one at a time so like let's say that before marriage you liked her because she is mysterious and quiet and that draws you to her but then in marriage it can go this way to where it was really attractive that she was quiet and mysterious when you were dating her but now in marriage she will never talk and it's like no but yeah but no but just for example and it's like why won't you tell me what's on on your mind but that's why you liked her and before you married him he was the life of the party and he walked in and he just talked and lit up the room and now why won't he ever shut up Dan will not shut up shut up Dan and so what actually was part of building the foundation of the relationship now its offense and it happens a million different ways and the enemy review all kinds of opportunities and you don't realize what's happening because it's just one little conversation after another you know it's just dressing on Thanksgiving yeah a big thing it's just me trying to tell Holly how to drive in her sand well then why don't you drive if you do such a good driver and we have a lot of dysfunction in our relationship over what happens in the car because I can't find my way places and she can't drive so she has a great sense of direction but horrible driving skills I'm a great driver with no sense of direction so the other night we're driving coming from a movie as a matter of fact not the Christian football movie but we're coming back and she almost got us killed and I was mad because to me she wasn't paying attention and we talked about that later and she was like well you know if you want to be in control of how the car works there's a different seat you can sit in shut raka raka [Applause] that's the biggest problem you have nodes like the biggest problem we have it's just the one I'm gonna tell you about it's none of your business with Ron here but see a fence by offense if we don't learn what to do about this the enemy would love just one conversation after another you don't make a decision to walk away from a relationship that you love you don't you don't see them becoming your enemy and Matthew 5:25 it's just one unacknowledged effort after another and you start thinking well I'm the only one who ever takes out the trash around here what I I guess I'll do it do it again like always no it's good I got it I got it on a problem I would love to get up with the kid again in the middle up and I know it's fine I know you got to work and now what started it's just a small offense now what God joined together its separated because of offense [Applause] [Music] and now the crazy thing is Jesus said if you let it get to this point if you live your relational life on the basis of well I'm not apologizing first apologize first last time if you don't learn how to deal with these things you find yourself in prison it's not them that you in prison it's you hey Dan why don't we talk anymore where did the love go then we haven't been to PF Changs in three years then you built a fence the enemy's agenda is destruction the strategy is the vision and his tactic is offense thankfully God has given us another way to deal with the fence if only we could find an example of somebody who had every right to be offended of somebody who had every right to hold it against us of somebody who had every right to stand at a distance [Applause] but open his arms and said [Applause] this is the way of relationship and the Lord gave me a real specific word for somebody who needs reconciliation in your relationship it's very simple what they have to do if they're gonna stay like they started if we're gonna get back to where we were we're gonna have to learn watch this this is very this is very profound it's deep you're gonna miss it it's what you're gonna have to learn [Applause] you've got to learn to drop it you've got to learn to drop it and I don't mean suppress it I don't mean you don't deal with things after they happen but after you've had the conversation they're not like pancakes on my birthday then drop it touch somebody say drop it I mean the moment the offense because you can't always control what's handed to you but you can control what you do with this so what are you gonna do with the offense come on then you can't you can't use anybody else's actions the enemy wants you to drive it down deep you know he wants you to think about it and miss all the reasons that the person has has worked their way into your life and miss all the things they've done for you and he wants to drive it but God says drop it I believe that there are some things that we need to drop tonight in fact Jesus said this is so important that if you are in church at the altar offering a gift and a sacrifice but the primary relationships in your life are dysfunctional and need reconciliation you can't even properly connect with God unless you drop it do it again Dan drop it every time they do it I want you to reinforce it one two three drop what are you gonna do when they when they don't acknowledge you when they don't notice you what are you gonna do what are you gonna do when they when they are too busy to show you the love and affection but you know that they're trying as hard as they can to you got a I'm telling you being married being in a close relationship is about not how quickly you can get offended but how quickly you can get over it [Music] hey thanks for watching click the subscribe button on your screen so you never miss a video and would you also take a second and share 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Channel: Official Steven Furtick

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Keywords: Elevation Church Relationships, elevation church steven furtick, steven furtick relationships, elevation church steven furtick relationships, steven furtick putting up walls, putting up walls, pastor steven furtick, pastor steven furtick relationships, steven furtick relationship sermon, steven furtick sermon clips, steven furtick short sermons, relationship advice, relationship pitfalls, relationship problems, elevation church, steven furtick 2018, steven furtick

Id: q5vffxSQibk

Length: 15min 21sec (921 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 20 2018