"How to Get a New Husband" with Greg and Cathe Laurie

nearest grandson 64 years ago no grandmother and I set out on the greatest journey of our lives at the same time neither of us could imagine the road that lay before us with its hills and valleys its pleasures and pains over the years we learned the reality of those words we spoke so solemnly on our wedding day for richer or poorer though mostly poorer for better or worse in sickness and in health and now more than ever I feel the weight of the words till death do us part oh how I miss her but now that same journey is before you and thinking about the joy that awaits you both gives me joy as well with that being said I want you to have a successful marriage I believe the proof is in the reading the answers are in the book so here is a special gift that I want you to have I love you with all my heart grandpa good morning well that's the name of our series that we're in together as we look at marriage and the family happily even after and I want you to turn your Bibles to first Peter chapter three that's going to be our text today I think you girls will like this title how to get a new husband how many of you ladies are married raise your hand up if you're Mary how many of you are happily married raise your hand kids could I how many of you would like to get a new husband raise up your hand wow you don't know what to do you know first service a lot of them raise their hand obviously we have much happier people in this service but well I heard a story it's another one of my Genie stories they have quite a few and uh guys walking on the beach in these seas you know the lamp embedded in the sand and picks it up and dust it off and the genie appears and will grant him one wish and the man says you know I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but here's my problem I'm afraid to fly I'm deathly afraid of airplanes so I was wondering Genie if you could put in a bridge from California to Hawaii then I could drive over and finally see the Hawaiian Islands a genie said are you crazy do you know what would be involved in constructing a bridge of that size a concrete the time the money there's no way I can do that for you come up with a wish so he says well you know what genie I've always wanted to understand women especially my wife if you could give me an understanding of women from this moment forward that that would be great so that's my wish I want to understand women the genie says let's go back to that bridge again two lanes are for now listen I I'm in married 39 years I I can't say I really understand women I have four granddaughters two daughters I'm around girls a lot I don't think I understand them but this is my consolation I don't know if most women understand women and my wife said to me in the back room most women don't even understand themselves and I said why do you think it is she says we're very complex yeah that's true so here's someone who does understand women God he created you and he knows what you need to do and who you need to be so we're going to specifically look at what God has to say to women today and specifically women in a marriage relationship now if you're not married chances are you will be one day so pay attention and there's a lot of principles here that apply to ladies no matter if they're single or married now I've called this how to get a new husband and I'll explain to you in a moment why I've called it that but it's also a lot more about how to be a new wife you know years ago Madison Avenue discovered that the words new and improved will sell a product maybe the only thing that's new and improved about that product is the packaging or the logo but the fact is were attracted to something that's new or improved we want the latest we want the freshest we want the fastest we want the coolest version of whatever is out there and that's something that draws us in and I would sort of compare our marriages a little bit to getting a new car maybe you remember when you got a new car or a new truck and it starts off of that great new car smell and I don't know where that smell goes but it is quickly replaced by other smells especially if you have children and even more if you have pets but you know when you first get that car you'd say this car I'm going to keep this thing in pristine condition doctor I'm going to take care of this car so well the one day it's going to be a classic cruising down the highway I'm going to wash it twice a week at very least once a week if he gets a dent it's getting my body work done immediately I'm going to really care for this car I'm going to make sure it gets tuned up and maintained in every way possible well that first outing to the mall happens and you get the ding in the door the first family vacation happens and you've not only lost food you've lost members of the family in it so the eventual wear and tear kicks in and the car starting to sputter now because you didn't get it down to be tuned up as much as you should of and you're having the inevitable problems and just the other day the brand new version of your car went down the road you went oh I've got to have that so now you're thinking about a trade-in now let's apply that to a marriage on your wedding day you pledged your loved one to another you stated your vows I John take you Mary the problem is your wife's name wasn't Mary but still no and he said to have an old from this day forward for better for worse for richer for poorer in sickness and in health to love and to cherish till death do us part maybe your vows went along those lines what have we actually stated the truth in our vows wouldn't that be scary I mean the way marriages fall apart today what if people gave vows that were related to that I John take you Mary to be my lawfully wedded wife until someone more attractive comes along or until we have our first disagreement or until I'm tired of you that would be unbelievable so you pledged your vow and you say I'm going to be the best husband that ever was the best wife had ever lived but time passes and you sort of forgot to do the things you said you were going to do and then the new model came along and by that I mean that sensitive guy that actually listened girls to what you had to say oh that girl that laughed at all of his lame jokes and dotty hung the moon and now you're thinking about trading in your spouse on the new model instead of your car becoming a classic it became a clunker and the same is true of your marriage I want to talk to you about how to turn your marriage into a classic that will stand the test of time you know yesterday Kathy and I were babysitting three of our grandchildren from Jonathan and Brittany those are Riley and Allie and little Christopher who's almost a year old and we couldn't get him to go to sleep so we were pushing him in the stroller so we had two strollers our puts in two kids down the street and I said you know it's so sad that a lot of people will abandon their marriages and never get to this phase and this is a great phase the grandparent phase how many of you are grandparents raised are we integrate and the best part of all is when you're done with the kids you give them back to their parents we're done buh-bye that's God's order that's the way it's meant to be but we have to understand what roles we play in the marriage we've already talked to the guys a little bit now let's talk to the girls and zero in on first Peter chapter three we'll see what qualities a woman should have and the biblical secret to reaching the non-believing or nominally believing husband here now are the biblical secrets on how to get a new husband first Peter 3 and by the way I'm reading from the New Living Translation for this portion wives be submissive to your own husbands even those who refuse to accept the good news your godly lives will speak to them better than any words they'll be won over by watching your pure godly behavior don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes you should be known for the beauty that comes from within the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God we'll stop there and let's pray together father I pray for every marriage represented here I pray that every husband and every wife will find their place and do what you've called them to do but today I specifically pray for whites and women in general that you will help them to see their place in the marriage what you have specifically told them to do to be a completely balanced and fulfilled woman so we commit this time a Bible study to you now in Jesus name Amen now it's always a little hard for me to give a message directed toward women it's a lot easier for a guy to beat up guys right but when I have to come down on girls I tend to pull my punches a little bit and that's why I'm going to have my wife come out the end and she's going to take you all out no I'm I'm kidding of it she's going to reinforce what I'm saying because it's good to get it from a feminine perspective as well as from a masculine one but what do we learn here from first Peter 3 on how to get a new husband number one be the best version of you that you can be again be the best version of you then you can be see first and foremost you want to be a godly girl here we look at women's magazines man the things that they advertise and promote on the cover so you'll pick the magazine up when's the last time you saw the headline how to be a godly girl working on the inner woman how to be a woman of virtue oh you'll never read an article like that it'll always be you know about you know how to have a sexy marriage or or how to lose weight or what your horoscope is or something like that they only cater to the external they rarely if ever addressed the internal but here in 1st Peter 3 his focus is not only being beautiful outwardly but being beautiful inwardly as well if you only focus on the outward you will effectively waste your life why because there's something called gravity that's going to kick in but I'll tell you something there's nothing more beautiful than a woman who has walked with God for many years the inner beauty comes out as well as the outer beauty but let's just be honest beauty fades these things pass to some degree but the inner beauty will almost overwhelm it and you'll see a wonderful godly virtuous woman you know it's interesting if you want to really see the model for a girl go to proverbs 31 and it tells us what a woman of virtue looks like and actually when we think of the word virtue we often think of that in a feminine sense in other words we would rarely say of a man always so virtuous you might say more of a woman but the fact is that word that root word is one that is translated to speak of both men and women it speaks of influence it speaks of force it speaks of strength so I don't think of it as a weak word it's a very strong word and as you look at proverbs 31 you find a balanced woman that has it all sorted out but here Peter is reminding us that we should not merely and for a girl or you're a girl once a week because I'm not a girl you you need to focus on the inward more than the outward verse 3 don't let your adornment be merely outward now this word adorning by the way comes from the Greek word cosmos we get our English word cosmetic from it and here's what Peter is saying don't major on externals while ignoring the inside actually this phrase putting on a fine apparel from the New King James translation means the frequent changing of clothing now there's something wrong with changing your clothes guys take note when there's things are stained and dirty it's time to change that's not the picture here this is a picture of a woman who frequently changes her clothes with a purpose of making an impression this is a woman that was focusing primarily on the outward don't understand the culture of the day when this was given this was in Roman culture and he's look at those old images and engravings of Roman women they went for at big time they would have these towering hairdos think of the b-52s remember that band and they went of all these rings and necklaces and and all these outward things that they would focus on and so that was sort of the cultural backdrop that Peter is speaking of now that doesn't mean that a Christian woman should not be concerned about her appearance both the bride of Solomon and Solomon 1:10 and the woman described in proverbs 31:30 2 owned beautiful clothing God is not criticizing a woman for wanting to be attractive what he is pointing out is you should not become preoccupied with it Jesus spoke of those that think only about what they're going to eat what they're going to drink and what they're going to wear don't let that be the focus of your life however the balance is given in Scripture here's a great verse that sums it up 1st Peter 4:8 excuse me 1st Timothy 4:8 says physical training is of some value but godliness is value for all things holy promise for both the present life and the life to come so the emphasis of that is a pursuit of godliness is more important than the pursuit of a slim waist and a trim figure however that scripture does say physical training is of some value because I've heard people say well you know bodily exercise profiteth little so I'm just going to let myself go know it profits little let me restate it a profit some God is not saying only think about your spiritual life and neglect your physical life but he is really saying don't only think about your physical life and forget your spiritual give attention to both now the spiritual is more important than the physical having said that the physical is important being sloppy and unkempt is not a virtue a 1 you know what we're married now and he needs to love me the way that I am that's true but maybe you can work on being shall we say a little more lovable look I know that the girls not Kate Upton and the guys not George Clooney okay that's why my first point is be the best version of you than you can be so take what God has given you and do the best you can do with it the question sometimes comes up is it okay for a Christian woman to wear makeup very simple answer if a house needs painting painting some houses need more coats than others that's all right but find that balance be attractive for your man be beautiful on the inside and as much as possible on the outside for your god don't look like that point number two respect your man can I get an amen from the men respect your man look at verses 1 & 2 wives be submissive to your husbands and even if some do not obey the word they without a word will be won by the conduct of their lives when they observed your chaste and respectful conduct accompanied by fear you must respect your husband Ephesians 5:33 says the same thing nevertheless let each one having you in particular love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband so here's my question for you today ladies do you respect your husband does he know it remember then Aretha Franklin song respect RESP CT tell me what to me you know so that's from a feminine prospectus inge anymore it's from a feminine perspective right in Aretha belts it out and it's she's a strong confident woman she knows she has everything a man wants she never does him wrong she demands his respect but actually that song was a originally written from a male perspective and was recorded by Otis Redding and the whole emphasis of the song was different in his version of the song he's willing to give his woman anything she wants he doesn't care if she even does him wrong as long as he gets his due respect when he comes home here's what the male version of respect says what you want honey you've got it what you need baby you've got it all I'm asking for is a little respect when I come home makes sense doesn't it and that's exactly what the Bible is saying respect your husband listen to this wives need love and husbands need respect it's interesting the Bible zeroes in on this specifically that's not to say wives don't need respect and husbands don't need love but it is to say the Bible specifically says husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands just as a husband is to love his wife even if she does not respect and submit to him so a wife is to respect her husband even if he does not love her as she wants dr. Emerson Eggar riches writes in his excellent book love and respect the mother way he'll be coming here in the next few months with his wife to do a special conference for us called the love and respect conference but he has a great book out by that same title and he says in the book and I quote when a husband feels disrespected it's especially hard to love his wife when a wife feels unloved it's especially hard to respect her husband and quote that's true here's a problem when a husband feels disrespected he is a natural tendency to react in ways that may seem unloving to his wife on the other hand when a wife feels unloved she is a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband so how do you break this cycle short answer do your part you haven't used shut up but she don't shut up do your part yep no but no read your own mail I pointed this out before I don't like to hear wives quoting verses the husband about what their role is any more than I like to hear husbands quoting to the wife what her role is read what God said to you and focus on what God has called you to do and since I'm talking to ladies today respect your husband the applause calm down when I finish that point I know all the girls are like yeah I don't know you'd say well I don't feel it and if I don't feel it should I do it yes you should you should do what's right if you feel it or not sort of like learning to drive a car by the way I failed my driving test three times sad thing is I was 40 no not really but um I I was probably I don't know 17 16 but I remember when I first would drive first of all I found it very exciting I love to drive and but I would have to consciously think about everything that I did right oh it's time to change the lane okay what do you do alright turn easy it'll turn over your shoulder okay here we go okay turn off your turning signal and the hardest thing was parallel parking right oh man it's still very hard for women apparently sorry I just had to throw that in have to throw that in but um you know after a while you didn't think consciously about it you just start doing it and it's true of marriage just do what you need to do don't just wait to peel love guys just love do loving things as we pointed out last time don't wait for your husband to be worthy of your respect just show him respect now and the more you do it the easier it gets this reminds me of a story that I read woman came to a lawyer and said I want to divorce my husband I hate him and I want to just leave him and the attorney said you know I have an idea actually it just occurred to me you're going to divorce the guy right okay here's my thought for the next three months don't criticize him at all only speak well of him build him up complement him love him respect him do this for three months and when he thinks he has your confidence and love hit him with the news you're gonna divorce him it'll hurt even more she said oh I like that that's what she did for three months solid she never criticized her husband she never nagged her husband she never disrespected her husband she just affirmed him and spoke to him how much she cared for him and three months passed and the attorney calls us all right let's get this divorce coin she says divorce are you kidding we're going on our second honeymoon see the point is is she was doing what the Bible says a woman ought to do respect her husband so let's review point number one be the best version of you that you can be number two respect your man number three you won't like this one but you know it submit to the leadership of your husband let me read from first Peter three no applause fact I think you heard a couple of crickets first Peter 3 now I'm reading from the New King James Version wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives while they observed your chaste and respectful behavior accompanied by fear now many women bristle at this because they don't understand it this is not about superiority or inferiority it's about sacrifice it's about putting the needs of your mate above your own remember I pointed out when talking to men earlier that before a word is said to a wife to submit to her husband or even to a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church both spouses are told to submit one to another in the fear of God what I like the word submit will deal with it it's biblical maybe you don't even know what it means to submit doesn't mean you cower in fear and you have an opinion and there you're their servant to submit means to hold someone up it's to get under and support husband and wife walking together holding each other up going back to the vows for better or for worse in sickness and in health what if one gets sick does the other just abandon them no you stand by them you hold them up so we mutually submit holding one another up and now wives the Lord is saying to you you get under your husband and you support him and you hold them up and help him to become the man that God wants them to be now that doesn't mean you're less than the man because before God men in women are equal we have equal access how we're told in Galatians 3:28 there's neither Jew nor Greek slave nor free male nor female you're all one in Christ but although there is no difference between men and women and the nature of their salvation are standing with God there is a structure of authority that God has set up in the marriage Paul clarifies it in first Corinthians 11:3 says I want you to know the head of every man is Christ the head of woman is man and the head of Christ is God this really explains it in many ways for us what does it mean when the Bible says the head of Christ is God there's a trinny father son Holy Spirit they're co-equal they're Co eternal one is not better than another one is not more powerful than another they are God is I should say a triune being and yet three distinct personalities in the Trinity the Bible is saying that God is the father our God the Father as a head of Christ not in essence or in nature but in function not in nature or in essence but in function when Jesus walked this earth though he is God and was equal to God even said I am my father are one yet he submitted himself to the will of the Father right Philippians tells us he laid aside his rights we call this the canosa sin the Greek and it means the empty what did Jesus empty himself of his divinity absolutely not Jesus was never even for a moment anything less than God in human form but he laid aside the privileges of deity by that I mean he walked among us as a man he was hungry he was thirsty he was tired like any man or woman would be he humbled himself in that regard and remember him in the Garden of Gethsemane as he grappled with a crucifixion he said if it's possible let this cup pass from me nevertheless to the father not my will but yours be done so you see the son though he was God and was equal with God the Father submitted to the will of the Father so the relationship structure of Jesus Christ to God the Father is the same with marriage though the husband and wife are equal in their standing before God in order for the family to function in harmony the woman with no loss of dignity takes the place of submission to the headship of the husband this models the way God loves the church and the church loves God the husband has the god-given responsibility to provide for protect and lead just as the Lord does this for the church the wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership that the husband provides just as the church submits willingly to the headship of Christ now having said that let me add something else men and women husbands and wives are equal partners in a marriage and if you show me a marriage or the husband barks out orders and the wife reluctantly submits that's not a proper understanding of the roles my wife and I are in this together and I can't think of any decision I would come to and I would not have her input on and we would always in almost every circumstance there are occasional except Shen's but in almost every year circumstance we would agree together that this is the right thing for us to do we sometimes jokingly say between the two of us we have one complete brain because I'll forget things that you'll remember and vice versa sometimes I'm telling the story and my wife will interrupt and say you left out a detail she'll put the detail in I said how do you know you weren't even there she says in response well you told me the story right after it happened and I remembered and you know what doggone it she's right so we worked through these things together but this is really the idea of a balanced woman and a husband that understands the value of his wife of the woman of virtue and proverbs 31 the following is said the husband has full confidence in her and likes nothing of value she brings him good not harm all the days of her life she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue so there's no question that she has this key role to play but now what if the husband is not loving her as Christ loves the church what if the husband is not the best spiritual leader should she still submit to the leadership of the husband okay short answer yes and no let me explain first of all the yes if you find yourself ladies married to a man that is either not a believer at all or he is a nominal believer you are to stay in that marriage and seek to win him to Christ I don't know how you got in this situation maybe that you were both non-believers when you got married and then you as a woman came to Christ and now you're married to an unbelieving man maybe it's because you disobeyed God and married a non-believer and now you're in this relationship and it's probably become quite difficult for you and maybe you would say the Lord spoke to me the other day when I was at church and he said to me my daughter dumped the heathen unbelieving husband and marry the cute sensitive Christian man you just met hate to break this to you God didn't say that here's what God says 1st Peter 3:1 wives be submissive to your own husbands and even though some do not obey the word this is speaking of a non-believer you without a word will win him over by the way that you live you might say well if he's not loving me as Christ loved the church I don't have to submit that's actually not true again contextually this is written to a nun believing wife however now let me get to the other side that doesn't mean you submit no matter what you know your husband might ask you to do something that's unbiblical or inappropriate and that's why we remember the words of Colossians 3:18 why's to be subject to your husband's as it's fit in the Lord there are limits to submission we all live under the rule of government today and we're told in 1st Peter 2:12 or 2:13 rather we should submit ourselves to every ordinance of man for the lord's sake whether to the king and supreme or to governor's or to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers for the praise of those who do good so understand when Peter wrote those words what government was in power wrong now it's amazing Peter would say you submit to that government now here in the United States we have our elected officials and we may not like everything they say but that doesn't give me the right to disregard the laws of the land a for instance if you feel you're overtaxed next time an election rolls around register and vote what right - you have to criticize our country if you won't even register and vote every Christian should do this this is our responsibility but the problem is is we won't do that and then we're unhappy with the way things are going we'll get out there and do something about it and let's elect people that will not tax us so much because we are overtaxed and there is a lot of wasted money out there if you don't agree with me on that you're wrong but listen um but here that's how my main point now let's take that a step further because I don't believe that government is all-powerful let's say that our government passed a law tomorrow that says you can no longer preach the gospel or you can no longer pray publicly do I submit to that law of government no well no it says submit to the government yes it does but there's that occasion in the book of Acts of the Apostles we're told to stop preaching and the response was we must obey God and not man so sometimes one law supersedes another bringing it back to the marriage if your husband were to ask you to do something that was unbiblical there's a higher law the law of God so let's just say your husband said all right submit to me I want you to go get drunk with me okay dear oh no no you don't have to do that lay let's say what something immoral or illegal you don't have to do that let me also have this if there's any kind of physical abuse you don't have to take that I'm not a big fan of separation because sometimes when people separate well that's just the first step toward a divorce I don't think you should do that unless there are extenuating circumstances and one of those circumstances would be any kind of physical abuse and by the way that's a two-way street that's not just a man beating on his woman that's a woman beating on her man and in this day and age trust me it happens I'm a chaplain with the police department and we went out to make a call a while back and it was a domestic disturbance you might be surprised to know that most officers are shot and killed investigating domestic disturbances and usually there's alcohol involved and so we get there and here is a man who'd been whupped by his wife and he was a good-sized guy and she was smaller and the officer said do you want to press charges well he didn't want to but my point is there's no rationale for that good thing don't let that happen in your home but my point is you should submit as much as possible but of course within reason so let's summarize and come to one last point so what is your focus as a woman number one be the best version of you that you can be let your beauty be in word but don't forget the outward number to respect and honor your husband number three as much as possible submit now the last point and this may be hard for many girls first three two three one likewise be submissive that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be one by the conduct of their lives now I don't say this to be critical girls just to be observant you talk more than guys you know that right studies have been done and they say that an average woman speaks 50,000 words a day the average man speaks 25,000 so it can be illustrated this way of the way that a man and a woman answers a phone when a man answers the phone he reaches for a pencil when a woman answers the phone she grabs a chair you know these conversations go on a long time my little granddaughter Ally will come into my office now I have a phone receiver that you plug into an iphone and so it just sits there on a table and she'll come in and pick it up and we'll have an imaginary conversation so I'll pick up the receiver of my regular phone she picks up the receiver connected to nothing and we talk on the phone saying but girls by nature are more verbal honestly us guys were in awe of your skills sometimes we're irritated by them too but how girls will talk and how they'll communicate and understand each other on levels that a guy cannot really completely fathom see women by nature are more verbal and women by nature are more persuasive it's been said when you convert a man you convert an individual when you convert a one you convert a family the idea is that was not a joke by the way okay but the idea is that a man oh yes I believe there's no a woman persuades a woman influences a woman says no I want all of you to believe this this is a great day so you want to use this god-given ability for God's glory you don't want to use it in the wrong way women have the ability to persuade men sometimes even manipulate them we know what happened in the garden right Adam did disobey God but II offered the fruit to Adam she influenced him she used her influence in the wrong way now he ultimately threw her into the bus for sure because when God demanded an explanation he said it's a woman you gave me some I fall it was his fall he was responsible but she played a role in it he Adam was effectively saying Lord I take a nap I wake up a ribs missing and she's here so take that ability girls and use it for God's glory let's come back to what Peter is st. when I'm without a word let's think of a non believing husband or maybe a nominally believing husband that's often the case in the Christian home the woman believes the man believes too but not at the same level of intensity the woman is usually the first to initiate the spiritual conversation the woman is the one that remembers to pray before the meal the woman is the one that says let's go to church this week don't forget this can be illustrated in attendance at church on Father's Day and Mother's Day a Mother's Day attendance goes up at church on Father's Day attendance goes down what does that say the mom says to the kids you know for Mother's Day the best thing you could do for me is for all of us to go to church together a Father's Day the dad says best thing you can do for me is let's not go to church stay home and watch football and eat barbeque I don't know what happens but I think that the important thing is a woman wants to use this ability for God's glory now let's say you have a non-believing husband so you feel everyday when he comes home from work you have to give him the sermon of the day that is not effective that's going to drive him the other way trust me he went out to his truck and you welded the dial on his station to a Christian station so all in on his radio I listen to Christian and music and when he opened his sandwich up you minim for lunch there's a gospel tract in there don't do stuff like that don't do that and avoid the temptation to nag Solomon you a little bit about this he had 700 wives not that that's a good thing and he said in Proverbs 1913 a nagging wife a noise like a constant dripping well said Solomon you ever have a little drip from one of your faucets somewhere in the house and you can't sleep until you deal with it and then Solomon also says proverbs 21 19 better to dwell in a housetop than with a brawling woman the word probably means quarreling disagreeing scolding now why don't women that because they feel their husband isn't listening they say something too you know remember you're supposed to do that son does nothing he doesn't react did you hear what I said he walks into the other room she falls him in I said and she follows him around thinking this is effective it's not effective that's why he's leaving the room you know she says honey you need to get more in touch with your feelings what he hears is bla bla bla bla bla you you say are you listening to me and he hears you saying blah blah blah blah blah no that's not the way to do it do it without a word by your actions oh that won't work break I'm sorry the Bible says it will so why don't you start doing it I mean sermons are fine but as it's been said preach the gospel and when necessary use words of course we want to verbally communicate the gospel but there's a place for living the gospel and this is what Peter is saying find that balance in your life and use your words well because your words are powerful I've shared with you the acronym think on a number of occasions but I bring it to your attention one more time thi NK T stands for is it true so before you say something ask yourself the question is it true number 2 H is it helpful what I'm about to say to my husband is it helpful I is it inspiring and is it necessary and finally K is it kind is it kind the scripture says that of our words Romans 12:18 reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing is it really necessary is it really kind is it well Greg if I were to apply that I would hardly say anything amen you got what I'm saying find the balance you have a lot to say and he needs to listen to what you have to say but these are the principles that are identified inscription so now we need a feminine perspective on all this and my wife Kathy is going to come out and we'll see if I got this right so here first her table is coming thank you here comes their soul and here comes Cathy hi everybody doesn't she look cute this is becoming a regular routine the last couple weeks right this is this is submission in action this is not my comfort zone it doesn't like to do this but I think she does a good job don't you don't you like to hear from it yeah what are they gonna say right okay couple quick questions I'm you know let me sort of play devil's advocate for a moment critics of scripture would say we know the Bible is sexist and Peter and Paul were male chauvinist and and they didn't understand the needs of a woman especially when it said the head of a woman is man so what do you think of that do you think that means that a woman plays a lesser role in the marriage how do you see that no of course not women don't play a lesser role at all if you go back to the book of Genesis you see that when God created man and woman he created woman he says I will make a helper comparable to him now that word helper is the Hebrew word Ezzor and it means one who brings their strengths a strong helper and it is most frequently used believe it or not as a description of God and you know that Psalm that says I lift my eyes up unto the hills where does my help come from that word help is the same word that he uses to describe a woman when he created her so in our marriage and trust me it didn't come easy Greg and neither Greg nor I were raised with models of biblical headship and Submission my mom was a wonderful lady but she knew nothing about that and so it didn't come easy that's a little laid-back so my mom's been doing things for years that he doesn't like and she keeps doing him succeed and she asked him you like it don't you honey he says no I've never liked it and she keeps doing him so you know not necessarily the greatest in your your mom was not you know a great example either so we struggled with this and we brought into this marriage two very strong opinionated personalities but what I found is for me as a wife the thought of submitting to Gregg as to my spiritual leader I think in terms of my submission isn't just to Gregg my submission is as unto the Lord and that frees me because when I read of authority and Submission beyond just a husband and wife as the example we see the headship of the father over the son and if it was not an assault on the dignity of the second person of the Trinity to be in subjection to the father then how could it possibly be demeaning or harmful to me to be in subjection because I get to play a part of Jesus in the marriage I get to be that Philippians 2 who you know like Jesus had thought it not robbery to be equal with God but took upon himself the form of a servant and I lovingly serve Greg and he lovingly serves me and it's very mutual but when it comes to a push comes to shove greg has the final word and that ladies may sound like something you would like to have the final word but trust me it's not easy for any man who really is looking to the Lord that authority rests as a heavy burden on their shoulders they will give an account to God for the headship and the leading of their wives and of their children we need to pray for our husbands because it's not an easy role to fulfill ours isn't easy either but we keep our eyes on the Lord and I submit to Greg and he lovingly lays his life down for me as Christ did for the church not necessarily just for us on a horizontal level but as unto the God whom we love and serve and ultimately discovering those roles for us will lead to glory and a name that is above every name like Jesus when he came and humble himself the father lifted him up and gave him a name that is above every name and as we lovingly submit and surrender to the Lord the future will be joy and glory and Happiness the very things were searching about the role of a woman a woman and now that every girl here is married there's girls here who are single okay so what should the focus of a Christian woman be what's her objective in life and she gets up in the morning what is she supposed to be thinking about looking toward what should she be living for it's a simple thing we need to discover the plan and purpose that God has for our lives he has the answers he has the things we're looking for so whether you're married or you're single you're the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning as you present yourself to God who is your Creator he is the designer and the architect of our souls he knows what is best for us he knows the plan that he has for us and so what we want to do is to come in alignment with that plan and it for those of us who are married you know I think the Lord would say be patient I know many of us came into marriage some of you married perhaps for the thought that you would find someone who was going to fulfill you and make you happy and in you discovered that you married a sinner you married somebody with all kinds of faults and flaws as you have faults and flaws and and the temptation is to think I married the wrong person and I'm gonna throw in the towel but when what we need to do is be patient because my marriage to Gregg is as different today from the marriage that we had when we started out with it is so different it's almost like comparing like a a barren field to a fruitful garden now and gardens take time they take patience and they take work and marriage takes patience and it takes work but ultimately you begin and only now is we just look at our lives now I just think I wanted to say to those of you who are young and they're just gotten married or to those of you who are struggling in your marriages hang in there don't throw in the towel why does it work and he will produce a fruitful field out of your marriage but it does take time and patience so have a long-term goal well you know and picking up on that that's good we uh we have a really great event for girls coming up it's called girl talk and you're gonna what are you girls gonna be talking about everything well first of all let's find out how many of you girls have ever attended the virtue women's Bible study raising it up Kate how many of you have ever gone to the Girl Talk series in this summer no Kate quite a few how many of you have never gone to the Girl Talk series here's your can up Kate so talk to them and tell them why they should go to Girl Talk okay ladies this is let me just tell you that I had the privilege of helping to oversee the women in this church and we go through the Bible we do Bible study all year long from September till May we have Bible study and session eight requires commitment and discipline and and signing up and all that stuff it's a wonderful ministry but in the summer we target specific issues and we pick deliberately certain issues that we feel we've prayed about that the Lord wants us to address to the women in this church and this summer we're going to have amazing speakers dealing with subjects and I won't go into him you have some of them on here and you can read more about them on the website did you all get a flyer when you walked in these are available cute little design that you can use as a bookmark for yourself it has everything you need to know about it on the line for weeks amazing speakers that are known around the country dealing with topics that girls need to know about for all ages of girls absolutely all ages how do they sign up okay virtue harvest org and it's right here on the flyer and there's no fee there's no cost involved just show up register in advance you want to know who's coming so you need to register in heaven yes please and and also that way we can communicate with you directly with any future women's events that we might have because we do a lot of things here at the church and we want you to be informed on that but one last little detail is the last week of Girl Talk we're doing something for the first time and we're calling it the virtue lovely market and my daughter-in-law Brittany and I have been working on this and what it is is we're going to have a boutique or a craft fair it's going to be set up here at the church in Orange County they'll be one as well here in Riverside we'll be on the court and we're going to be featuring items that the girls in this church are creative enough and imaginative enough to put together and so they're going to be selling those so those of you that are at home moms that have little businesses they run on the side if they're designing clothing or making jewelry or things for the home we want to know about it so go to the virtue website again virtue Jarvis org and if you're interested in becoming a vendor this yeah we are good will be for you Oh how's that I think the guys want to have you make food and bring it home to us that would be a nice thing wouldn't it well that's part that's one of them you know one jewelry in it we want food that's one of the things that we do at virtue in addition to these amazing speakers as we have demos and will actually demo some wonderful recipes and I'll you know it's just a great laboratory is a great cook I'll tell you thank you thank you why do you think I'm fact no we better wrap it up though okay we're gonna wrap it up so goodbye Gracie goodbye remember this remember Bernsen idea me but always how many of you remember Burns and Allen Eno saying she would always say goodbye Gracie that's funny cuz we have to time it we do yeah I hope to see you girls there and and we'll be praying for you and this marriage thing is big I know it's hard it's not easy but we're here for you we're here for you the virtue of women's ministry is here for you I hope you all will be a part of that and we're gonna receive our morning money Queenie Oh monie say goodbye grace yes goodbye they know what's coming yeah our morning Thais an offering so if the ushers have come forward let's pray together father we thank you for your word to us we thank you for its accuracy its relevance and its power help us to apply it in our lives bless every marriage represented here and bless also this time of giving as we invest in your kingdom in Jesus name we pray amen you

Channel: Pastor Greg Laurie

Views: 35,569

Rating: 4.7699113 out of 5

Keywords: harvest, greg, laurie, cathe, marriage, husband, wife, 1 Peter

Id: oo5p7ZNhkYY

Length: 56min 29sec (3389 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 02 2013