Hey, good humans! Just want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has bought a Human Good Face Mask With your help and with the partnership of MaskHeroes we have been able to donate over three-thousand medical-grade masks to local hospitals and healthcare workers, and we actually have a special guest who wants to say thank you herself Hi, my name is Johanna Dilaro. I'm an RN here at Kaiser West LA in Los Angeles. I want to give the biggest thank you and shoutout to MaskHeroes and Jubilee For your very generous donation of masks We are so, so appreciative. Words cannot describe how wonderful it is to be supported and loved by our community. Alright, with no further ado, please enjoy the episode Two different times we didn't speak. There was a time that I was convinced that if I had a wedding he wouldn't show up, if I had a kid he wouldn't care. To be able to have that conversation has really been a huge blessing, man. For the last seven years, I've been without a dad, not because he passed but because of the unfortunate event that we have to just part ways with him. My father and I did not meet for the first time until I was eight And what was that like when you met your father? Terrifying, nervous, exciting, everything that I wanted and was scared to see at the same time We have an unusual relationship. My son was on the other side of the country most of our existence together so *chuckles* parenting from afar I think one of the major misconceptions is that like black kids don't have great dads I grew up with a great father I have a seven-and-a-half-year old and we adopted him at birth I view my responsibility as to just give him as much experience and as much insight to the varieties of the world so he has the tools necessary to, uh, enjoy life My name is Charles, I live in Fullerton and I am a musician. My name is Angel I'm from the Inland Empire and I'm a worship leader. My name is Daniel and from the valley and I make things pretty. My name is Steven. I'm from Stockton. I'm a warehouse worker and I have my own clothing brand. My name is Tim. I live in Fullerton and I'm in auto parts sales Can I get my fathers on the left and my sons on the right? If you agree with the prompt you'll come forward I am closer to my mother than my father I'm closer to my mom than my dad my dad was classic Farming raised with all boys and there was just not a lot of female energy in there Yeah, and my dad did not know how to translate that to my sister and I. For me, I'm definitely I mean, obviously I walked up here I am closer with my mom when I was a child and when my dad was around it was the complete opposite for me at a young age I was like 13 and I saw him kind of go downhill, you know loss of the job, gambling problem, and I was like this really ain't it. yeah, I think for me I I can't really say that I'm closer more to one than the other just because I feel close to both of them in different ways I'm just so thankful for for my dad, you know because I grew up in a predominantly like Caucasian city with predominantly Caucasian friends like and my dad he came from like a very like black background and there were relatives that you know would be like, why does he talk like this or you know? Why does he listen to that or you know, why does he walk like that or whatever and my dad could have so easily sided with that perspective, but he was okay with me like an R&B and rock and um you know like and there was nothing wrong with that and I love my dad for that because he made, he never made me feel like something was wrong with me. He never made me feel like something was broken. And and I really really appreciate that. I hesitated just because This is this is my dad and so he felt on the spot choosing one of us First my first thought is like crap. This is going on the Internet like my mom's gonna watch it. Full disclosure. not trying to play favorites or anything like that, but I was closer to my mother by default growing up because I didn't know him until I was 8 so our relationship was quite literally seasonal I would spend the school years on the East Coast in South Carolina with my mother and then I would spend the summers and then some holidays with him here in Southern California so after college we we weren't in communication for five and a half years and we reconnected in 2018 so we're newly Back in communication within less than two years now. I wish my father showed me more affection Has my father said he loved me in your presence? He's written it in a card. He did write it in a card once he's never said it and he's currently 88 plus years old and You know a lot less time on his side. For me it sounds almost like really childish, but I take sometimes like I take love is like just take my side I don't like really want them to but I could kind of want to do you know like I don't want to. I'm very consistent I don't take my wife's side all the time. I realize that let's get all get all the facts here, I guess I wish he was a little bit more affectionate not in like a Like oh man like I need a I need a hug cause I'm feeling sad but it's more like when you're really going through that shit like when You're 16 getting involved all the wrong people because of the circumstances you have to step up to and you're doing all the bad shit Like I need you to tell me that it's gonna be okay or like it's you know what you're doing It's you know, it's bad, but I understand why you're doing it Maybe this will change how you know, I am doing things at the moment. That's legit just all I needed when I was like 12 to like 17. That's that's it. But that was Never got it. I think it just depends on what your love language is. I think like physical contact. That just wasn't But but I never doubted if my parents loved me It's just like the only times we would hug is when there was like a major disagreement and it was so awkward like I was like Like he showed affection in in other ways He kind of came to almost calculated down through the different generation gaps that generations below me I don't you're probably right on that cusp. But yeah for men to show emotion That was something they did not do my dad was the farmer My mom was she had her clothing store and she's just more out there my dad liked to be on the tractor and away from everybody so that kind of immediately set the tone then fast forward and I came out and Everything just changed. You know, my dad. I'm going to hell and my mom found the love and you know just it catapult from there So I loved seeing these 20 and 30 year olds with starting their families and whatnot And I loved seeing the different affections that they're able to to put out there It's that old nomer that men have to be this. Men don't cry. I love to see that being pulled away. Yeah, because we do. Yeah, and need to. I think it's impactful sometimes to to see you know like men broken down. You know because it shows the their humanity like I've only seen my father cry twice in my whole life but when it did happen like it was it was very apparent. One, I learned, wow, he like he feels and two, like it was just it was nice for me to see that like people aren't perfect all the time Does the impact of seeing your father break down and cry the couple of times you saw it, was it more impactful because you so rarely saw it? I think it was because I didn't see it often that it was impactful. I think there's there's a comfort that I grew up with and knowing that my father was strong. And I'm not saying that emotional fathers aren't, but what I am saying is is that my my dad had a way of keeping his head in the game at times because like if So say if I'm emotional and my mother is emotional and all my siblings are emotional. Then like one of us has to be strong At least that's that's what I believe and and that doesn't mean that he's not feeling it inside. But what I love about my dad is that he was always able to keep his emotions under control. So is that masculinity to you? Sounds like maturity I would say so yeah. Yeah, I would say not even just masculinity but strength for you. That's a strength that you admire in your father. I don't want to be like my father That's hard my father was really there and did all the cool things what I don't want to be like Him is he was... overly emphasis on work and money and and Just less feeling oriented And to his credit. It's just the way he was raised. I don't I don't have any bitterness toward him for it at all. Yeah, and I would go along with that too. Just in case He does see this because he's always been offended by my vocalness on social media and and whatnot He probably thinks I just hate him till the cows come home quite the opposite I respect who he is more than he probably ever realizes. He is a Honorable guy he has extremely strong convictions and for those things in a great work ethic So there's a lot of great characteristics he does have and as I get older and as I get in my motion, like wow that is so my dad I embody more things than I thought I would yeah what's crazy is that I really I really attached to everything that you said because it's like my early teenage years like I absolutely Hated my dad like he was just there every day not working just being there and just kind of taking up space The more I look into it now is as I got older I have an understanding of why he felt this way. It's because well early on in his life because my mom when she had me she was only like 21 and you know obviously with them both being young it's like how do we do this? You know for him being the man of the house at the time having that kind of flip to my mom taking more responsibility I can see where that kind of Deteriorate deteriorates him on the inside because it's like a masculine eyes exactly. You know, like, you know, I can't provide for my family I can't show my son how to be you know, the ideal dad or the ideal man, or you know, whatever the case is and you know as I Look back into what I was like like I fully get it and it's like I don't I don't hate him now, because I can't hate somebody who's literally me and it's like his blood is running through my veins without him there is no me. Yeah, even now it's I haven't even spoken to him and maybe Maybe almost six years like at least like an actual conversation, but he'll he'll pop in like when it's like the holidays It's honestly it's it's a terrible feeling but I know deep down he still cares for both me and my sister. It's just he's lost in his own kind of way, and he doesn't know how to come back from it. Which is one thing I'm terrified of. First, I just want to express like how much I appreciate your perspectives and how much empathy you still have the capacity to give, even in the midst of the pain? I still sense that you respect your father's two different times we didn't speak there was a time where I was convinced that if I had a wedding, he wouldn't show up if I had a kid, he wouldn't care. And I really had to grieve that relationship as if it was a death in the family so To be able to have this conversation Has just been and when I say conversation, I mean it's really been ongoing between the two of us To be able to have that conversation has really been a huge huge blessing man. I don't know how to say it. It's just really, you know, warming to have you know, complete communication and understanding to be understood and to understand My dad accepts the way I live my life. It's like a restart that I was I didn't think I was gonna get being able to just have this conversation at all So to not only be back in relationship but to have you know him, it's weird speaking about him in third-person, he's sitting right across me, but to have you genuinely, just you know kind of put your money where your mouth is and say like yeah Like I supports you and really admire your passion and your drive to do that thing now I want to help you apply that to these areas that you've kind of let follow the wayside Yeah, see what you guys what you guys got like now after that whole like rebuild of everything. I'm like like just super jealous. I know my dad even though he he was a very vocal on a lot of things I know he was never disappointed with a lot of the choices I made. He'll be proud that I've stepped up taking care of both my mom and my sister, to the best of my ability. You know holding holding it down at the house.. Dude hats off to you man. That's awesome. Thanks, seriously He never makes me feel bad but what I am saying is like the idea of like wanting to do like music was something that I could tell like took a little bit of time because I come from a background or a household that's like, you know very like 9 to 5 like it was through my dad in his like working endeavors that provided for my brother and I you know, and I and I appreciate that and I'm very humbled that you know He would he would do live that life for me. He wants you to live that life too. Well, it's not it's not that I I think that he even wants me to live that life. It's just we're kind of just in this waiting period like I just know I can't be where I am right now forever. There's a few family and friend members that constantly are kind of, come on you should talk to your dad I dude I've never closed the door on him I mean I came out in that early 90s which was weird and rare then and at my age in, Colorado I knew my father wasn't really gonna be a gung-ho cheerleader for the gay squad, but It just was surprising when my parents divorced at how religious he really was He's told me I'm going to hell numerous times I said then we're both going to hell, but I'll be in that room next door having a hell of a lot more fun He doesn't like my smartass quality is the tension or the lack of communications solely based on what you just expressed or is there anything else that your father admires about your life? Wow did you talk to my dad? No, no But it is interesting and it's a really insightful question. You seem like a very successful person. You seem like a very caring person. You said you're you're raising a son. So I just wondered like If any of that kind of like sends up a road flare like hey, like I'm not all bad or you know like I'm doing alright. I think he would tell you. I know my son's not all bad I think in a way we both kind of are standing there wanting to have something more and say something, do something more. But neither one of us can find that language and that ability. We have extreme. I am my father I have extremely strong convictions and Yeah for for me. It was just nice to see that somebody has a similar situation coming up as I did. Because it makes me feel like I know what's out there. But it's nice to know that that I've met somebody that has had a similar experience with you know our father not really being there the whole time. But it's also good to see you guys having that good relationship with your father. And then even you having your father here, like that's it's crazy And then even with the the rebuild that you guys had that's you know, that's that's great to hear to me as well, and it's like I personally I don't hear a lot of a lot of positive things when it comes to the things that combat me on the inside and And it's refreshing, it really is. That's it. Thank you so much. The most manly thing to do is not hug yeah We hope you enjoyed that video, take a moment to like, subscribe. Make sure you comment below your thoughts and if you're interested in buying a human good face mask head over to humangoodla.com. Again for every face mask that you purchased we're able to donate a medical-grade one for a local healthcare professional to help us help them. We love you. Stay safe, and we'll see you soon.
