Adoptees vs Birth Parents: Should Birth Parents Try to Stay in Touch? | Middle Ground

they say like I thought was my kid I would never let them have an adoption those people that say that they're wrong because they would give their children up for adoption if they thought they would have a better life my name is Johanna I am a proud birth parent this is something that I'm very passionate about and getting to share my story and listen to other people's stories it's a very powerful thing I'm Scott Cardinal I am an adoptive parent I'm also a birth father of a boy that was adopted when I was about 17 18 years old I was pregnant when I was 15 and choosing to put up your child for adoption it's traumatic and it's something I deal with every day so I'm Jackie I was adopted at 20 hours old it's with relationships and even my adoptive family they don't really like bringing it up my name is Andrea I was adopted as an infant I just think there's not enough people talking about it and people's stories are some of the best advice that you can give hi I'm Scott I'm an actor and I'm 57 hi I'm Sierra I'm 22 years old and I'm a stay-at-home mom and a youtuber I'm Joanna I'm 34 i am i work from home mom and I am also a birth parent hi I'm Jackie I'm 23 years old I work with LAUSD and I was adopted at 20 hours old hi I'm Andrea I'm a fashion designer here in LA and I was adopted from Korea at six months can I get my birth parents to the left and my adoptees to the right my life is better because of adoption culture was a lot different back then in Korea if I stayed in Korea I wouldn't have had any opportunities like I do here my life would definitely be better or is better off because of it for me I would say yeah my life is a lot better my biological mom she had you know seven other children to look after and the reason she had to do what she had to do is you know times were hard so I was able to be blessed with all the opportunities I got you know when I was a birth parent and I put my son up for adoption I couldn't have given him the life that his parents gave him and I think he was better taken care of than I could do and then when I adopted it it changed my life because you know we have a beautiful daughter it really helped bring it full circle and I was able to repay something that someone else helped my son way so the answer is yes and no at the time I was 15 I was with the guy who took advantage of me all I knew is I I wasn't making any money yet at the time I thought it was the best decision but sometimes um sometimes I wish she was with me you know do what is that the worst mistake I ever made you know you just you don't know so I think only um only time will tell I'd you know completely identify with that at the time it was kind of my only choice I would say yeah I wasn't ready to be a parent now my child is turns 18 actually next week and has had so many issues with the adoptive parents not accepting him because he's transgender Oh knowing that I could have been the parent that he needed adoption hasn't made my life better it's given me a little turmoil birth parents should try to stay in touch oh I feel like it is important for said child to understand where it is that they come from and not feel that you know they were just abandoned I was a little torn because I do think that birth parents should do their best to be in touch you know if the child is ready you know but a lot of times there's trauma that people don't really think when it comes to birth parents and what they're dealing with you need to make sure that you are in the right headspace before you reach out you may need to join you need to be the best person that you can be if you're going to be involved in their life beyond that just being in touch so that if you develop a physical ailments gonna be passed on to genetically you want your kids to know those things but I think that the the evidence is pretty clear that having an opener adoption is better than closed yeah I think for me it was better growing up having closed because I really it it made me really adapt into my surroundings and not always like if I was a teenager had an open adoption I I would have you know got mad at my parents and now I've come full circle and and I think it helped me more being closed I have a hard time connecting with my blood family or child actually yeah I guess you could say I was blessed with the family I had because they purr I guess a little bit wealthier with money and my siblings weren't as you know so sometimes it is hard to relate to them of you know how different our childhoods were well with me the reason why I was so like it was so hard for me to decide it's not that it's hard connecting with my child is that I can't I cannot physically handle that connection and not having him with me yeah and I have a very hard time connecting with my my blood son my birth son because we're so different and a lot of painful things have happened between us we really don't have much of a relationship anymore because of that [Music] when I think about my blood family I mean we're all so different but my blood child my teenager like we're on the same wavelength you know ever since I got to be able to start seeing him when he was about six years old he came up to me poked me in the belly and said God put me in your tummy because my mommy couldn't have me in hers and I just cried and he just gave me the biggest hug and that ever since then we just had this connection and we can talk about anything and that's the best thing I could ask for you don't always get that I just don't have a birth parent to connect to you know I've tried searching for her but she didn't want to be found on the birth papers and there was no record of my birth father so I didn't want to ruin her life if she's trying to make a new life for herself it's it's even more taboo in Korea when I was 17 through my adoption agency I went to Korea and got to see my birth hometown the hospital I was born in so I got closure that way I'm talking to other adoptees yeah I don't need to keep worrying about the past it's like I'm just focusing really on the parents I do have and the connections and make out of it and that's what helps me heal I have felt guilt and shame surrounding adoption when I found out I was pregnant my family had told me if I have an abortion I will go to hell if I have the adoption they will cut me out of the family when I went into labor they would come into you know the room while I was in labor and they say like I can't believe you're doing this I thought wasn't my kid I would never let them have an adoption I can tell you something else those people that say that they're wrong because they would give their children up for adoption if they thought that we have a better life yes and about 95 percent of those people there they're not mothers they're not parents or anything so being a mother now it's just I understand you know where my birth mom came from she wanted what's best for me period point blank and I don't resent her for that at all and I never will they say well you were you know you might have been given up but you were adopted and you should have this full life like there's no problems you're with sharing - laughs he's we were chosen not just given up but I didn't realize until recently that how the shame and guilt formed of like why am I depressed well why do I still have turmoil like I should be thankful for everything but being trans Rachel it's like I grew up in Minnesota so it's very like homogeneous like very white culture I wasn't alone but subconsciously alone in my own being you don't have that foundation of where you come from and your bloodline in history I had no one to talk to so it was constantly me fighting with myself of the with the [ __ ] licking with the guilt and shame that came up in every situation that where I felt emotionally insecure adoptive and birth parents should be seen as equal I'm only coming because I don't think I can agree or disagree I'm gonna listen to what everybody has to say you know birth parent or adoptive parent it takes really a strong will from someone to one give your child up for adoption but also open your home to a child that isn't yours but you're willing to give them the home that they deserve well but also you know don't get the idea that you know when an adoptive parents about a kid they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart we need you we needed you to make our family and that's it's not like you know we're some sort of superheroes you guys are our superheroes yeah oh it's true we need you yeah and our lives wouldn't be complete without you yeah and I think the child at the end of the day that's when they talk about the Triad it's child's on top it's all about what's best for them so even if you aren't there to parent them it's there always in your mind and you're always worried about them how are they doing what's their home life like you know what how are they feeling are they gonna lose a tooth soon you know like these little things that that you think about you may not know your birth mom but the fact you're able to sympathize with her like because I'm always afraid that my son's gonna grow up and hate me no and he might I don't know I wouldn't through a time of hating you know they say it's that inner turmoil it's like you're depressed before you can even internalize feelings because it's that subconscious trauma and my parents they have the video of me coming off the plane and like to see them so excited and I don't know how I got grace to these parents but like I feel like they were supposed to be and I can talk to them openly you know I've been praying and asking God to us show me a sign with the adopted journey and honestly I feel like you guys you taught me a lot today and I'm really thankful for that likewise it's like therapy

Channel: Jubilee

Views: 886,200

Rating: 4.9757118 out of 5

Keywords: jubilee, jubilee media, jubilee project, live deeper, blind devotion, love language, middle ground, spectrum, middle ground jubilee, middle ground adoptees, adoptees and birth parents, should you adopt?, open adoption, closed adoption, foster system, transracial adoption, adoption triad, birth parent, adoptive parent, biological parent, biological child

Id: 7j_Z41d-tx0

Length: 13min 9sec (789 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 08 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/just_1dering]

A round-table discussion, containing two adoptees, two birth-mothers, and one birthfather who became an adoptive father. the series is called "vs" but not structured to provoke fights.

Everyone spoke very respectfully despite their differing views on the situation. A nice watch-through.

[u/[deleted]]

I loved this. Thanks for posting , OP.

Does anyone have any more videos like this— perhaps longer— that just kind of neutrally let people talk about their experiences with adoption? I would love to see more like this.

[u/spacehanger]

Emotional. Thank you for sharing

[u/ABattss]

This was awesome! Thanks for sharing.

[u/Adorableviolet]

I needed a tissue alert. I really didn't want to watch it bc of the title. But it was so touching...thank you for sharing.

[u/notyouraveragetwitch]

This is beautiful!