Family Therapist Reacts to Co-Parenting in ANT-MAN

mommy's so happy you're here she choked on a drink [Laughter] welcome to cinema therapy i'm alan searight i'm a filmmaker and i need therapy i'm jonathan decker i'm a licensed therapist and i love the movies and today i thought we would conduct a little experiment yeah i'm going to show you a film and you are going to react to the themes in that film therapist reacts okay boom we're going to be talking about co-parenting ooh in sort of mixed families yeah i like it what's the film ant-man and its sequel ant-man and the wasp okay so i actually love these films i think they're underrated as far as marvel films go because they're just fun yeah but i really do so scott lang is ant-man uh played by paul rudd and he's divorced [Music] peanuts oh happy birthday and he doesn't like the guy his ex has married and the guy who's now raising his daughter and so they're trying to make all that work and that's actually very relatable like all the other fantasy stuff is fun but this is the part of the story that is so common the whole blended family thing is so common i myself am a member of three blended families [Music] oh you don't what are you doing here right i'm gonna paint a dime with child support you know right now if i wanted to i could arrest you it's good to see you too paxty mommy's so happy you're here she choked on a drink [Laughter] hey what do i have for you can i open it now of course sweetheart it's your birthday [Music] i have a kid just like that he loves monsters and just weird horrible things so paxton is the stepfather yep scott of course he didn't get the invitation and there's this whole thing with with child support right you haven't paid child support so you're not welcome here right and this is we're automatically seeing what far too often happens is a power play now all sides are valid i want to see my daughter no matter what hey you're a parent help support this young this young girl sure but right now everyone's kind of drawing hard lines and everyone's doing whatever they want right and and it's more about the power dynamics between the parents than what's good for the little girl right right who obviously loves her dad he's obviously he obviously loves her and cares about her right is in tune with her weird little what's your desires you know right and i'm not saying i mean scott's here because of her and it is good for her to see her doubt on her birthday look how happy she is my point is there is not any sort of synergy or mutual respect between the parents right now right it's it's not in a good place and it's this tug of war and paxton you know he he seems to be a pretty devoted stepdad it's your birthday sweetheart you can open it he's a good guy it's like when you're playing basketball and you're kind of throwing elbows at each other and jocking each other around over who's the father figure in this little girl's life because paxton wants to be a father figure he wants to be there for her but he doesn't have a lot of respect for the biological father which granted he's been in jail but still that's that's our dynamic right now look child support is coming all right this is hard finding a job when you have a wreck i'm sure you'll figure it out for now i want you can't just show up here you know that come on underrated judy greer we're both fans but you can't just show up he's my daughter you know the first thing about being a father maggie i tell you this is a friend and has the first love of my life your fiancee is an asshat he's not an ad his language okay oh what language he said hat [Laughter] really maggie that guy come on you can marry anyone you want you have to get engaged to a cop at least he's not a crook ouch i'm trying okay i've changed i'm straight i've i had a job and i want to provide i had a lot of time to think about it and i love her so much i've missed so much time and i want to be a part of her life what do i do get an apartment get a job a child support and then we will talk about visitation i promise you're her hero scott just be the person that she already thinks you are get a job pay child support we'll talk about this station it's tough yeah and he's watching his little girl with somebody else being a qualification it's hard on her too yeah now i wouldn't say those are unreasonable demands you know and actually i i don't want to weigh in because everybody's situation is different but on the surface of it you really relate to scott because he's the protagonist it's like well can he at least see her come on while he's hard yeah right but there's the real side of this too which is if somebody's not pulling their weight as a parent you really feel sure i mean the facts of the case are he's a deadbeat right yeah at least at this point at this point yeah so one of the things that i love about this film that's that i find really really underrated is the movie contrasts scott's relationship with his daughter with hank pym mm-hmm uh his relationship with hope we don't have time to screw around he is a criminal no scott learns an awful lot about how he can be a better father by watching these two you know interact and learn and grow and they're not without their issues oh absolutely tons of issues everybody likes this movie because oh it's the marvel movie where they don't blow up the entire planet it's kind of a little heist movie yeah the stakes are fairly low and paul rudd's funny and paul rudd's charming as ever under all of that the screenplay for this movie is really really tight and part of that is down to you know this was originally written by edgar wright who was my favorite filmmaker the plot works beautifully the characters all have interesting arcs that are emotionally satisfying and and make sense yeah and that's that's really hard to do in any movie much less a superhero movie yeah but that's you know and i think when judy greer talks about what he needs to do to have visitation that sets up his entire motivation for the whole story and everything that he tries to do yeah is to be the hero that she believes him to be right and to be able to be in her life and to make up for the things he's done and why i really i like scott lane is i mean i i love all straight up i love captain america i love the pillar of virtue sure i think we aspire to be captain america we relate to scotland absolutely i think we all kind of feel broken kind of feel like screw up sometimes kind of feel like we messed everything up by doing stupid crap and now we gotta fix our own mess strip away all the superhero trappings of it it's a very relatable story yeah so we've gone through the whole story and he's gone subatomic and the thing that brings him back is hearing his daughter's voice daddy [Music] i love you so much i love you too so much you know there's a big hole in the roof even now all right is she all right she's fine but there's obviously been a transformation in the pax sim character as well yeah because he left scott go yeah instead of hanging over to the cops so i won't go too far into this but when i first married my wife she was married before and the marriage didn't work out but he he's a great father and there was some weird energy and some jockeying for position like when i came onto the scene kind of like measuring each other up type thing i can't imagine how that wouldn't happen right right right and he was inevitable and i i don't i can't speak for him i certainly perceived my perception of it was a a worry that i was going to try and crowd him out right i never refer to myself as a father of my stepson i refer to him i'm a parent sure right and people say well don't call him your stepson he's your son because if you call him your stepson then he's going to feel like he's different he's just one of the other kids and i remember i said to my kid i said so when my wife was pregnant with our first together and i said so we're going to have a new baby and there's going to be other babies and they're going to call me dad you know what do you want to go what do you want to call me and far too many people make the mistake of saying this is you're going to call him dad he is your dad now or you're going to do it and ki the kids have been through enough upheaval and change as it is you gotta give them something that's in their control in their hands and they're smart yeah we treat kids like they're dumb they're not dumb they're inexperienced yeah they're just as smart as you and me more smarter but everyone's smarter and he says he says i want my daddy to be my daddy and my genre to be my jono and i'm like that's it but what i'm circling back around to is paxton and scott were okay the moment they realized there's room for both of us in her life but i told him that you were processed correctly really well yeah can't be sending cassie's dad back to jail in a technical glitch right thank you baxton i'm blown away thank you for everything you do for cassie oh well that's my pleasure we don't have to get into this pissing match over which one of us is going to be a parent in her life or which one of us is going to have for affections we're getting into ant-man and the wasp now and we'll see how the relationship has changed between scott and paxton do you pack your soccer shoes yeah all right next time i see you will be on the outside oh get on the inside of this hey three days seriously proud of you buddy thank you you know what give me another one you know this seems funny but i know i know these families do you know these families yeah okay that was the thing i was gonna ask i've never seen that before yeah but yeah i like are there blended families that are that close where they're like browned down with each other i've met them i don't fully understand them man it seems weird but it's it is a beautiful thing and i have seen it and what i do know is that there are couples that um when they're no longer couples they get along better as people and as parents right when i don't when i don't need to rely on you to be my romantic partner sure or to to support me in my life dreams or you know for the million of other little things that couples rely on each other and count on each other to you know when i don't need to when you're just a person in my life and we happen to agree on parenting and we're both doing that well and we agree on the one most important thing which is this kid and people get along really well and i've i am a marriage counselor so my bias is to try and save the marriage but there are sometimes the couples are headed for divorce and they're feeling really bleak and hopeless i'm like here's something you may not want to hear but i hope it helps you too may actually get along better right when you're not in the same roof and when it's all about this person that you both adore right and that is usually and then the you know the step parent brought in um when you're blending a family as long as there's not this need to prove themselves or the need to take over things but just actually to blend like actually blending well and that this is a good example we just did a an episode recently about toxic masculinity well about non-toxic masculinity aragorn that to me seems like that's aragorn in a blended family right yeah hugging people who proud of you yeah yeah i could totally see that me too peanut but just wait till next weekend once i'm out of here you and i are gonna go paint this town red we'll have so much ice cream we'll never stop puking that truly is dedication learning close up how do you do that [Laughter] well talk about non-toxic masculinity a man holds a skill that i don't hold and instead of being intimidated intimidated or having to minimize it i think it's cool i like that he doesn't have to be an antagonist at this point in the story that he can be a character that we love [Music] big takeaways from the ant-man series about healthy blended co-parenting blended families it has to be about the kid yeah the arguments and the wars and the battles of the past of the past relationship need to be put to rest because they don't matter anymore that that relationship is gone it's over this relationship is now a co-parenting situation and to do it successfully you have to put aside your pride your animosity any hurt feelings you have towards your ex that's what a therapist is for that's what a pastor is for that's what your girlfriends or your guy friends like that's what that's for when it comes to your kid you are all about supporting that relationship and building up the other parent in their eyes and if you do that everybody can just chill the heck out there's going to be differences from household to household and how you do things but if you can agree on the big things then you're in good shape who says it's bad for a kid to have a ton of adults that love them right like it's a wonderful thing and it can be a wonderful thing now we don't have time to get into the nitty-gritty today there's so many things we could talk about when it comes to blended families and these are guiding principles for sure but the ant-man films actually do a pretty good job even if they they oversell the affection between the the father figures for a comedy sake of showing what that healthy adjustment can look like so good job marvel surprise marvel made a good movie i'm shocked a couple good movies yeah uh yeah if you would like to rent or own this movie we have a link down below you can buy it on amazon uh you have a link down below for free 15 minute consultation with me also you can find us on social media on instagram and twitter at therapy underscore cinema as well as on facebook just understand it schema therapy that would be something else that's our other show that's that's after dark also big deal youtube channel like subscribe because you know you want to see these videos as they come up you want to see them in your feed and go a new one from cinema therapy and that was a new voice i do not assume that you sound like that dear viewer so until next time cuddle your little ones enjoy the ant-man films and the bargain bin spin-off uncle woman and watch movies it's as good as it's gonna get my wife's waiting all right [Music] uh

Channel: Cinema Therapy

Views: 317,135

Rating: 4.9843793 out of 5

Keywords: cinematherapy, cinema therapy, mental health, counseling, therapy, mental health therapy, Jonathan Decker, Alan Seawright, marvel, marvel movies, ant-man, ant-man and the wasp, co-parenting, co-parenting after divorce, paul rudd, divorce, coparenting, blended family, Paul Rudd, MCU, therapist reacts, psychologist reacts, family therapist

Id: p5YgrdcoOAs

Length: 15min 54sec (954 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 18 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Egsession]

Best part of Ant-man and the Wasp, to be honest.

[u/Leighgion]

One of the most endearing things about the Ant-Man movies to me is how pro-family they are.

Peyton’s only problem with Scott is that he believes he’s going to reoffend and disappoint the family. Once that’s cleared up, it’s all man hugs. There’s no animosity between the two sides.

No matter how estranged Hope got from Hank, she still wanted their relationship to mend.

Hank seemingly remained faithful to Janet for all the thirty years she was in the Quantum Realm.