What? My minions failed to write an episode on evil
lackeys! Very well. I shall have to do it myself. How else will I prepare a proper welcome for
the heroes? That’s right. TWA is finally tackling one of my favorite
subjects, Evil Lackeys. Also known as mooks, henchmen, goons, minions,
their names may vary, but the villain needs some bodies to throw at their problems, warm
or otherwise. Maybe even literary. And the heroes need some enemies to fight. So summon the dread legions as TWA begins
the march of the mooks. Now henchmen help the story achieve two primary
objectives: Objective 1: Make the villains look like a
threat. Objective 2: Make the heroes look awesome
when they defeat the villains. A writer need only concern themselves with
Objective 2, making the heroes look awesome. Now some writers may point out that failing
at Objective 1: Making the villains look like a threat, will also result in the story failing
Objective 2. Because heroes are only as good as the villains
they face. But my heroes are so awesome that I simply
don’t have to worry about that. And I’m not just saying that because the
protagonist is my pet character! A writer is completely free to treat all mooks
as an afterthought compared to the hero doing cool things and being awesome as they defeat
them! As such, an important feature for henchmen
when designing them is to make them stupid. Like soooo stupid. Like there are more ways for goons to be stupid
than there are stars in the sky so I had to instead list a few ways they could be smart
instead. That way a writer would know what to avoid. Things like:
Using basic tactics, like teaming up to attack all at once. Locking shields into a formation. A basic flanking maneuver. Fire, suppress, and then flank. Operate in a basic fireteam. Clear a room first with grenades. Use cover, like at all. Mixing in mages to the ranks to cover infantry
with magic. Actually using their magic in combat. Actually using their magic for anything. Falling back to regroup and then counterattacking. Sticking together so they won’t get picked
off one at a time. Calling in artillery support. Calling in magic support. Calling in overwhelming reinforcements. Using an organized retreat when they’ve
realized they occupy an untenable position. Fortifying their position. Utilize probing attacks to scout for a weak
point in enemy’s defenses. Deploy skirmishers to soften the enemy up. Grind the enemy down with attrition while
rotating in fresh troops to keep the up pressure. Or just anything other than charging at the
nearest hero while snarling like an animal. The minions have to be really stupid that
way they are easy to write and I don’t have to think about them that much. Basically they are at the level of a prop. Should a writer explain why the villain’s
lackeys are so stupid? Does the Dark Lord not want them thinking
too much? Are any competent mooks weeded out during
the selection process? I don’t worry about that. All I know is that I can now write my henchmen
without having to worry about things normal people might have like a self-preservation
instinct or basic pattern recognition. Oh, hey look, that guy who looks like Bruce
Lee had a child with a bulldozer literately just smashed through a freaking steel and
concrete building like it was made out of foam. And he just made people explode by lightly
poking them. Yeah, we better attack him one at time while
grinning like we just found an easy mark. Oh no! All the mooks exploded! Just like the last five hundred thugs who
fought him. Have the minions improve and refine their
tactics with each battle as they learn more and more about the hero’s abilities as well
as the hero’s limitations? Change it up by trying something new? Roll out new weapons, equipment, and/or magic
abilities to take the heroes by surprise? Nope. They should stick to doing the same thing
over and over again and expecting different results. No need to add a sense of escalation that
would keep team good guys on their toes and force them to adapt or lose the arms race. The heroes don’t need to think to defeat
their foe anyways, they can do that by just being super awesome and cool! Besides, the henchmen are still human so they
will make mistakes. Mistakes happen and that makes it okay to
let the goons make the same mistakes over and over again giving the heroes basically
infinite free lucky breaks out of any pinch. The goons will never think, because that might
mean I have to think! I would rather use my story’s minion stupidity
as an excuse to breeze through the plot without having to put a lot of legwork to make the
bad guys actually look like a credible threat rather than a Three Stooges skit. I’m sure the audience will just overlook
the fact that the villains keep letting the heroes win with their incompetence rather
than the heroes winning through their competence. Have the minions play it smart only for the
heroes to outsmart them? Where’s the power fantasy in that? I would rather coast my way through the story
on easy mode rather than deal with something as pointless as narrative tension. Yes my mooks will not actually be a credible
threat thanks to their stupidity, but I can cheat my way past that too by at least making
them look like a threat! How will I do this? By telling the audience how big of threat
they are of course, not by actually showing them. The Dark Lord’s Vile Legions are unstoppable! Proclaims the Guard Captain right before the
Vile Legions are vanquished by the heroes as an afterthought. Now we can return to more important things
like the catty fight between the two double H cup elf girls over who likes the protagonist
more. Could I have shown the Vile Legions defeating
Sir Brave and his order of previously shown to be quite formidable knights? What about a quick scene showing the mighty
armies of men and elves driven before the unstoppable might of the Dread Lord and his
elite forces? What about something more involved like the
Vile Legions dividing up the forces of light and defeating each group in detail until only
the heroes remain and leaving team good guys heavily outnumbered and the ropes? Nope. Not even the mightiest of the Dark Lord’s
elite soldiers can stand up to the Protagonist and his fan club of top-heavy supermodels. All other characters are just there to watch
how amazing the protagonist is, not to give the audience a good sense of how powerful
the evil minions are. Actually, do my villain’s mooks ever do
anything remotely threatening? I mean that the audience actually sees. Do we ever see the Cabal of the Red Blade
kill an even single royal? What about a City Guard Captain? A merchant? Step on bug? Have I done a single thing the entire story
to sell these guys as a credible threat to anyone so the audience won’t be left wondering
if the heroes just killed a bunch of Assassin’s Creed cosplayers by accident? If I am unwilling to spare even a single second
to show the minions doing something evil or menacing can I at least have the heroes come
across the evil lackeys’ handiwork? Please. I can’t be bothered with that! I’ve spent twenty pages describing the courier's
hat, there isn’t room to establish the villains as a credible threat through the actions of
the bad guy’s rank and file soldiers. There isn’t even enough time to show the
goons hassling some innocent people. All grand acts of villainy are reserved for
the story’s central antagonist. Also, all the small acts as well. Sorry, minions. There isn’t a lot of dark deeds to go around
and the Dark Lord gets dibs for what little there is. Now a major antagonist is free to do the truly
vile acts that drive the story like blowing up planets, genocide, enslaving all creation
to his will, and so on. However, the scale of such acts tend to not
have much of an emotional impact on the audience since it’s hard to care about the destruction
of Planet Backdrop and its population of twenty billion background extras who we never get
to meet. Does this mean that this is a prime opportunity
to use the Evil Empire’s forces to drive home just how evil the empire is by showing
the audience up close its destructive and corrupt practices at a personal level? Like showing how Imperial Troopers make the
lives of every planet they occupy worse for everyone? Showing the small ways evil systems destroy
the lives of sympathetic named characters could do way more to establish why the bad
guys are bad than large scale impersonal atrocities ever could. It could even show the tip of the iceberg
of the very system the villains used to keep in power allowing the audience to extrapolate
the vast scale of the monumental problem the heroes now face in combating such a system. Like how the evil empire enslaves people. Oh wait. No. I can’t do that. That might make my hero look bad after he
buys a hot, busty slave a girl and just keeps her. Yeah! Gonna just sweep that one under the rug there. It’s not like having most of the goons’
villainy occur off-screen will lead to a dark future where I have to put up with Evil Empire
apologists and deniers plaguing my video recommended feeds. Or also lead to fans rooting for the evil
empire because they find the heroes boring. Besides, if I want to up the threat level
I’ll just add some elite variations of the mooks. Will they prove a deadly and cunning foe that
finally puts the heroes on the back foot? Do their skills allow them to meet the heroes
head on and fight them on equal terms forcing the heroes to adapt in order to barely eke
out a victory? Well no. They still get slaughtered in droves, but
at least they have the word “elite” in their title plus they get a slightly snazzier
uniform. If they are effective, then don’t worry,
I’m sure they’ll vanish after the whole “hero being captured arc” is done never
to be seen again. But hey, at least their uniforms were cool
to look at while it lasted. Speaking of uniforms! Evil minions always get snazzy uniforms. Franchises have been built on this. Only tryhards though waste their time going
the extra mile with stuff like having distinct officer uniforms, fleshing out ranks and insignias,
and adding variations based on combat role. Also, writers must base these uniforms on
Nazis. Specifically the SS. No exceptions. We will have order! Not creativity in fiction. Now basing their antagonist’s uniforms on
Nazis is fine since they are the go-to villains for a reason. Just remember that this is mandatory and that
a writer should ignore the massive amount of historical empires, nation states, cultures,
and kingdoms throughout history as potential sources of inspiration. Just like a writer is free to ignore giving
the mooks any kind of characterization. Yes, they are background characters who play
only bit roles at best, which means that a writer is free to ignore them and not try
to squeeze out any amount of characterization no matter how small when they can. For example, back to the uniforms, the author
could note how disheveled the minion’s uniforms look now that the heroes and their allies
are closing in on the bad guy’s main base after bad guys suffer a series of losses. Or that their uniforms look too big and don’t
fit right on the teenagers they are pressing into service as the villains run low on manpower
on the eve of their last stand. Details like that might add a nice touch,
but I would rather conserve those details for describing the curvaceous body of love
interest #10463. A writer doesn’t even have to bother with
characterizing the lackeys when the heroes overhear them talking. Just have the mooks info dump like everyone
else in the story, not express an opinion on their situation. Just gloss over or outright ignore small opportunities
for characterization rather than keep an eye out for them and you should be fine. Which is more than I can say for the minions
themselves because their boss has implemented a zero tolerance policy for failure. Failure in this case even extending to things
like giving the Dark Lord an accurate assessment of his current situation so he can make an
informed decision. In fact, the henchman's boss typically kills
more people on his own side than the enemy. Can this be used to showcase the evilness
of the story’s primary antagonist? Of course. Which is why the writer can do this as many
times as they want and the audience will never start to wonder why anyone would follow the
Dark Lord when his primary reward for pretty much everything seems to be death, including
the retirement package. See, he controls them through fear! Does the Dark Lord kill off and reward minions
at random to maintain this climate of fear while keeping everyone off balance? No. That would make my main antagonist look like
he’s using the standard issue cult playbook and I was going for more of a ‘who the hell
put this guy in charge’ kind of playbook instead. Exploring how hierarchies of evil function
and keep their members in line isn’t worth analyzing in depth. It’s not like people need to be warned about
that in real life. This means that writers are free to ignore
why the goons decided working for a guy named Killface Mc.Deathdealer sounded like a good
employment opportunity. Still, as bad as their boss is, our poor mooks
fare even worse at the hands of the good guys! Even Killface Mc.Deathdealer gets a second
chance because killing him would make the hero no better. The lives of lackeys though don’t count
as their death carries no morale weight. Yes, even if they are a feeling thinking fully
sapient individual capable of choosing between good and evil. No mercy for them. Wow. And right after the hero just gave a heroic
speech about the sanctity of life. See it’s okay for the heroes to dehumanize
and kill the villain's lackeys because they were evil and dehumanized people so they could
kill them. It’s wrong to arbitrarily exclude people
from being human to justify murdering them and those who do this are no longer human
so the heroes are fully justified in killing them. I mean it’s not like I’m asking for much
here. I don’t need the heroes to agonize over
killing Imperial Trooper #7235 or anything. Kill them to stop their vile acts or self-defense,
but don’t pretend as though every evil action these people take makes them not human when
being human encompasses the ability to chose evil. Call them monsters if you must, but never
deny the evil of the human heart and acknowledge your foe’s humanity even if it’s only
cursory. Oh. No wait. That gets in the way of the power fantasy. Never mind then. Kill the mooks all you want. Make it as brutal as possible. Threat their bodies like a slab of meat to
be torn apart even if it comes at the cost of tone and makes the heroes look like sadists. It’s important to teach the audience that
it’s okay to be casual with death, due process is for losers, and that murder can solve all
of society’s problems. Besides, the villainous lackeys the heroes
capture are in for a worse time. The heroes will torture the poor henchman
for information on the Dark Lord’s true plan. Ah! Good guys and torture, it’s like peanut
butter and jelly. Do the heroes at least fret over the ethics
of torture? No because they’ll be too busy enjoying
it without a second thought. Actually, under torture is the only time in
the story that the lackey gets to actually give information that proves effective. Then once the heroes tire of the henchman’s
tortured screams only then do they allow them the sweat release of death. Never does it occur to the minion to lie while
being tortured nor does it occur to the heroes to offer the lackey a better deal than whatever
Killface Mc.Deathdealer was paying them. Better to utilize torture because not only
does it always work it’s also 100% accurate. And if anyone disagrees then just torture
them until they change their mind. Now that we’ve tortured and murdered our
poor mooks, it’s time to strip them of what little dignity they have left. That’s right! I’m going to turn them into comic relief! The most important thing about making villainous
henchmen into comic relief is taking into account how it will affect the tone. Comic relief minions can fit in perfectly
with a comedic story so I’m sure they’ll just fit right in my more serious story as
well. Remember that Objective 1: Making the villains
seem like a threat, can never be undermined by their near constant bumbling of even the
most simple tasks. Does the Dark Lord punish all failure with
death? Well not the comic relief minions even though
sometimes the audience really wishes he would. I’m sure the audience can’t get enough
of these silly lackeys and their zany antics so I’ll just overload every scene that features
the villains with their constant presence. Now they can undermine the Dark Lord’s drama
and menace as much as they undermine his efforts at world domination. And then they’ll ruin my Facebook feed too. Unrealized potential… Is something that writers shouldn’t worry
about especially when it comes to the villain’s mooks. Even lackeys who don’t serve the Dark Lord
like bandits should never get any detail at all. No banners or even a name. They get nothing to make it feel like they
are a part of the world and not just props to make the heroes look cool or a speed bump
to slow down the plot’s pacing. They exist to get to wiped out and don’t
even give enough XP for the heroes to level up or any decent loot. Even minions who serve the primary antagonist
just vanish when he’s defeated. If they’re lucky, they might get a sentence
in the epilogue, but I wouldn’t hold your breath. A writer’s love will show through their
work as will their neglect. But since mooks are basically props, it’s
okay to neglect them. Small details like that are unimportant even
if they do add immersion and make the world feel alive. By denying the lackey’s a perspective and
refusing to explore their stories at even a cursory level a writer is free to indulge
in wish fulfillment and make the whole world revolve around their self-insert instead. Did I say self insert? Sorry. I meant protagonist. Then when no one likes my story I can blame
my minions for its failure. And they have failed me for the last time! ANNOUNCER: And were back! With opening statements out of the way, we
can start with the first question for each candidate tonight. What is your primary platform? Let’s start with Ex-General Chainsaw. GENERAL: Platform? We do have M-2809 VWAP, that’s Versatile
Weapons Attack Platform. Mount a couple of 200 mm railguns on that
sucker and you can take out Kaijui at 20 clicks. GREED: He means political platform, you idiot. GENERAL: Oh. Well. Uh. See. I’m all about war. I love war! There’s all these awesome explosions and
cool looking weapons. It’s glorious. Brings a tear to my eye. That’s what Federation needs! More war. War for everyone! The Federation’s problem is that they keep
losing their wars! Just like the last President who declared
war on poverty. And then somehow he lost even though the poor
people couldn’t even afford weapons to fight back! Shameful! If that had been me I would have slaughtered
those poor people in the streets! ANNOUNCER: Mr. Inner Greed? What is your platform? GREED: Greed good. Opponent bad! CONSPIRACY GUY: Crap. Greed’s totally going to win… GENERAL: That’s it? GREED: It really is that simple. Can you really trust my opponent? Look at him! He’s barely animated. GENERAL: Well that’s not fair! So what I don’t have snazzy animations like
you? You are going to destroy the entire TWA Expanded
universe! GREED: I would accuse you of making a strawman
argument if you didn’t resemble a strawman yourself with how stiff your movements are. GENERAL: GRRRR… GREED: Citizens of the Federation. Fear not. Yes the TWA expanded universe will end, but
to make way for something greater! Under my leadership the people of the Federation
will join me on Nebula! Thanks to the nature of YouTube, the TWA Expanded
universe will soon be mined out and depleted. As a platform its corporate imposed limitations
are stifling. It’s time to move on. That is where Nebula comes in. Nebula is a streaming platform built by YouTubers,
podcasters, and other creatives. A platform where we are free to experiment
with content that hasn’t been sanitized or made to appease a machine algorithm. Like Tale Foundry’s Nebula Original Worldsmiths
that dives into the history of some of fiction’s most famous worldbuilders. Some content creators have even migrated completely
over to Nebula. That’s where Lindsay Ellis disappeared off
too. She’s been making more Lord of the Rings
videos. Singing up using my link also gets you free
access to Nebula Classes where the Creators on Nebula can teach you the tricks of being
a creator. For example, Tom, the mind behind Like Stories
of Old, who has a story analysis course. Devin Stone AKA Legaleagle’s course of lawyering. Or Thomas Frank’s business 101 for Creators. Use my link to get a discounted annual plan
at $30 a year. That’s only $2.50 a month. You would be supporting the channel and getting
exclusive access to early Ad free TWA videos. And that’s on top of getting free access
to Nebula Classes. Link in the description as always. GREED: Or you can stick with the General here
and enjoy endless war and the demonetization it brings. GENERAL: Of course everyone loves war. Like Private Joe Bonham over there. GENERAL: See! He loves it! And that’s what I’m going to give everyone! Ha! And they said politics is hard.
