EVIL EMPEROR: Thanks to this video’s sponsor
Campfire Blaze I will soon be invincible! Let’s see how things are going right now. Maybe I wont feel the need to escape reality
today! Nope. Back to fantasy land I go. Time to dust off my d20 and begin preparing
to jump back into tabletop gaming in my increasingly desperate attempts to escape reality. Terrible Writing Advice already covered how
to become a proper Dungeon Master for a tabletop role playing game, but what about the player
characters? Well TWA has come to their rescue with this
handy guide! So get your character sheets ready and dust
off your player’s handbook and lets dive into writing a character for a tabletop role
playing game. First we should start with what the overall
goal is so we don’t lose sight of what’s important. For the Dungeon Master, that goal is to find
whatever fun is in the game and grind it into the dirt. So while for DM, the game is all about forcing
the players into the role of the passive audience for their own greatness, for the player their
goal is only to have fun. However, since we all know that fun is a zero
sum game, that means that any fun acquired at the table must be at the cost of the fun
of everyone else. So how do we get all of the fun for ourselves? Well we start with our character’s backstory! When it comes to the player character’s
backstory there are only two extremes to choose from. Um… I mean two options. On one end is the character that has no family,
no origin, no connections, no home, and no backstory. Now at first glance, this seems counter productive. Don’t we play tabletop role playing games
to role play? Exactly! And the role I choose to play is that of a
treasure obsessed murder hobo or as they are sometimes called: generic adventures. Now a character without a backstory can be
useful if the game is mostly focused on combat scenarios. But, why confine the murder hobo’s utility
to only hack and slash campaigns? The backstory free murder hobo has no connections
to anyone that the Dungeon Master could use against them. No sidekicks for the villain to abduct, not
adorable children to hold hostage, not even a favorite tavern to burn down. This becomes a massive advantage when the
murder hobo begins killing off all of the Dungeon Master’s precious npcs. The Dungeon Master can’t retaliate by killing
off my character's family because he spawned from nothing save for my endless well of trollish
intent. This even works doubly well when everyone
else in the group has solid characters with engaging backstories and here’s my character
who’s just there. Then when I murder non player characters the
rest of the party has grown attached to they can’t say that its out of character, because
my character doesn’t have any character. If pressed then I’ll just claim that my
character’s backstory is “too deep for you to understand” and that anyone foolish
enough to explore my character’s backstory will get cut on all of the edge I filled it
with. Now I covered the one end of the spectrum
about a character that has no backstory, but on the other end is the character who has
all of the backstory. Rest assured there is nothing a Dungeon Master
loves to see more than a 1000 page long document outlining a character’s backstory and powers. Edit my backstory down into a few core elements
and handful of complimenting plot hooks? Why would I do that? My character I’m playing, Mary Sue, is perfect
along with her novel length backstory full of crap that I’m sure the DM will have time
to include somewhere. For you see, my character is an orphan who
grew up on the streets with amnesia, but is really a dispossessed noble who must reclaim
their throne from a usurper because it turns out that my character is a member of an evil
race, but my character is actually good and trying to prove to everyone that not all of
the evil race is actually evil, and that they are also half dragon, half drow, half kitsune,
half catgirl, fighter monk wizard rogue barbarian bard that has two special katanas of destiny
and a hat that lets her leap between dimensions. Oh, and her eyes change color too! And her hair. Oh right. I almost forgot. She also has a pet Tarasque and starts at
epic level. Is that okay? Of course it’s okay. If not then I’m going to pitch a fit and
rant about how my creativity is being stifled by blatant DM railroading and their unreasonable
demands that I at least stick to the setting when creating my character. Of course we play role playing games to pretend
to be someone special. That means that my character needs to be even
more a special snowflake than everyone else. In fact, the entire game should revolve around
me… I mean my character of course. Design a character that matches with the game’s
tone and provides ample plot hooks as well as room for character growth? You see, I’ve done that. There is still plenty of room for character
development because there is still a whole bunch of powers and abilities I want to take. And anyone who tells that powers and abilities
can’t substitute for characterization has obviously never seen a super hero movie. I mean yeah I don’t have a special effects
budget that could feed the entire third world, but I’m sure that will translate perfectly
to the tabletop. My one note joke character will fit in perfectly
in this multi session epic with a focus on high stakes drama and that the character’s
only joke won’t wear thin after a single session. I could have consulted with the DM and worked
out the details of my character with them. Restrict myself to the medieval fantasy of
the setting like everyone else? But I want to be an adolescent shinobi kappa
that was exposed to mutagens. Just remember when designing a character that
the goal isn’t to participate in a fun and relaxing game with friends. No. We need to defeat the Dungeon Master and the
other Players in a nonexistent game in one upsmanship. When it comes to Dungeon Masters the best
way to view them is as an opponent who must not simply be defeated. Oh no. Simple defeat is too good for the DM. I want to see them crushed, their campaign
in flames, their precious story dashed, and their favorite NPCs slain. I will accept nothing less than seeing the
DM brought to tears in order to satiate my ego. So to best facilitate our road to victory
over the DM, I have compiled this handy list of common DM archetypes as well as some of
the best tactics and strategies that can be employed to defeat them. Remember. Know your enemy. The Clueless First Timer. Oh yes. An easy foe to defeat. This poor sap has no idea what they are in
for. Give them no mercy. Take advantage of their inexperience. In general, I bully them to get what I want
and most are too worried about being one of those mean railroading DMs so they will almost
always give in to demands when pushed rather than just saying “no”. While simple to defeat, just make sure to
not go easy on them or encourage them, or even worse, give them useful feedback to help
improve their future dungeon mastering skills. Right before their first session is also a
great time to have a big fight with one or more of the other players and have everyone
leave angry before the game even begins. The Killer DM. A difficult opponent. The killer DM measures his success in dead
characters, specifically your characters. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to defeat
a Killer DM short of fudging dice rolls when he’s not looking. The important thing is that if a Killer DM
isn’t your style, then don’t just leave and find a game that isn’t the Darksouls
of tabletop, but to instead stick it out no matter how miserable it makes everyone. The Fetishist. This deviant has an unsavory sexual fetish
that for some reason he feels the need to share with everyone else at the table whether
they like it or not. Spoilers. They won’t like it. Now the biggest mistake one can make with
a fetishist is just leaving to find someone who will run a game where everyone isn’t
lactating and pregnant with octuplets, even the male characters. Unfortunately the world is small enough that
we all have to just put up with and tolerate creepy behavior. The Storyteller. This kind of DM is just a joy to defeat because
unlike some of the other DM types, this one is super invested in their campaign. This makes it especially enjoyable to send
their carefully crafted story careening down in flames. They also have a habit of railroading, but
trains get derailed all the time and a storyteller’s plot tends to be as fragile as it is complicated. Now a player could work with the storyteller
to create truly interesting and satisfying character arcs, but then I won’t get to
see them break down into tears when I ruin their precious plots so I can indulge in my
petty need for short term self gratification. The Pinata DM. There is no need to defeat this DM because
they will defeat themselves by showering the party with more awesome stuff faster than
you can say “game-breaking balance issues”. Since they will never tell me “no” I might
as well indulge in all of the free and insanely overpowered homebrew magic items until the
game’s challenge evaporates shortly before the group’s interest in it does. The Master Planner. You have watch this one. Planners have huge binders full notes and
while their railroading can still be derailed, they tend to have far more backup plans than
the Storyteller. Unfortunately the only ways to defeat a master
planner is by war of attrition or by becoming an even more masterly planner than them. Never bother to work with them to become part
of the plan. Why be part of the plan when you can be part
of the problem! Open World Sandbox DM. This DM is far more difficult to defeat than
the others because they usually don’t even have a plot railroad to derail. They also have this annoying habit of letting
the player character’s hang themselves by simply allowing the natural consequences of
their actions play out. They also tend to be very good at improvisation. Alas, the only way to defeat them is to not
make your own plot, but to just sit there and do nothing while the DM stews in frustration
that they built this big sandbox only for the players to have no imagination to actually
interact with it. You can give me a railroad plot to derail,
but you can’t give me freedom and expect me to use it! The Old School. Ah. Finally. A worthy opponent. He knows the rules inside and out. His settings have been strengthen through
years of homebrewing and honed to a fine edge with countless campaigns. Derailed his plot? That’s fine. He has contingency plans within contingency
plans. Kill his pet NPC? That’s fine. He always wanted to do an arc where your character
gets chased by bounty hunters. Think you’ve bested Killer DMs before? They don’t hold a candle to the old school
DM and his kill count. He’s killed enough characters over the years
to fill the Tomb of Horrors with their discarded character sheets. The true apex predator on the tabletop, count
yourself lucky to have survived a single session much less to the end of his campaign. There’s no trick you can pull, no tactic
that you can use, no strategy that you can implement that the Old School DM hasn’t
seen before over his long years experience. Sometimes the only way to pull one over on
the Old School DM is do something so stupid and amateur that even the Old School will
be taken by surprise. That Guy. Behold through the haze of Cheeto dust and
be amazed at the magnificence of the most glorious DM to ever grace the tabletop, That
Guy. Did you think that just because That Guy has
the equivalent intelligence of intestinal worms and about the same level of hygiene
that this would somehow prevent him from attempting to DM his very own campaign? Ohhoho never underestimate the tenacity of
That Guy. Is he as vicious as the Killer DM? Oh no. There is no sweet release of death in his
game. Is he as perverse as the Fetishist? Oh no. The fetishist at least understands the concept
of shame unlike That Guy which is immune to all forms of self awareness. His settings are a combination of overused
anime tropes and bad Saturday morning cartoons. His pet NPCs will be showered with constant
overpowered gear and the plot will always revolve around his self insert NPC that renders
all of the player characters into passive observers. The only creativity he will display is when
describing the tavern wench’s jiggle physics. When faced with someone else displaying creativity
That Guy can only act with befuddlement before pointedly ignoring the accomplishments of
others to go back to what he knows best: throwing in everything he thinks is “cool” into
a blender and then thinking that this foul smelling soup of stale tropes is somehow an
unparalleled work of originality rather than an incoherent mess that even the most self
indulgent Isakai writer would consider excessive. His impulsive need for self gratification
outstrips even my own. The only way a game run by That Guy could
be even better is if everyone else at the table is also That Guy. Truly this the pinnacle of the tabletop RPG
experience and not an excuse to find a new gaming group AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Now that we know how to defeat our main enemy,
the DM, we need to move on to another dangerous foe. The other players! You see, it’s not enough that I ruin the
game for the DM, but that I also can use this cooperative gaming experience and the undivided
attention of my fellow players as a captive audience for my emotional smallness. Compromise by giving up total freedom to have
fun however I want for a net gain in fun for the entire group? What nonsense is this? It’s almost like this is supposed to be
a cooperative experience or something? I want to do whatever I want and everyone
else just needs to deal with it! For example. What if the rest of the party decides to talk
to Professor Plothook because they are genuinely on board the Dungeon Master’s plot? Well this is a great time to murder Professor
Plothook and derail the whole campaign. Who cares if it ruins the fun of everyone
else? That’s their problem. The main point is that I get to have a little
thrill as I get to experience a fleeting moment of power and control over everyone else. I should continue to just randomly murder
NPCs even after the rest of the party gives me multiple chances to cooperate and roleplay
with the other characters. Then express surprise when the rest of the
party labels me an edgelord and finally kills my character before booting me from the group. Even if the whole group decides to torment
the DM that’s okay as well because the DM isn’t supposed to have fun too. That’s ridiculous. Gods forbid we all just sit down before the
game starts and work out what exactly the focus and expectations of the campaign will
be. Nor should any player get a feel for a new
group and their style. The point isn’t to try to make new friends,
but to fill that bottomless void that can only be satiated with fleeting moments of
enjoyment derived from baiting others into anger or sadness. But what if you have an unresolved beef with
another player? Resolve this conflict like reasonable adults
outside the game? Agree to set aside differences during the
game? No! The best place to resolve petty personal grudges
is obviously in game in full view of everyone else and at the cost of the group’s immersion! There is no audience quite like a captive
audience. See, the main weakness of most other players
is that they have this mistaken impulse to keep the party intact and will try to stop
your character from doing stupid, blatantly suicidal things. This is the perfect weapon to use against
them! Not only does your character go down in flames,
but the mark of a truly good player is one that manages to take down the rest of the
party with him! That total party kill may technically go to
the high level dragon I decided to fight in spite of the rest of the player’s protests,
but in spirit the true credit for the party’s ultimate defeat goes to me. And that is what all true players should aspire
to! Well that and stiffing everyone else on the
pizza bill. EVIL EMPEROR: Foolish heroes! You are too late to stop my evil plan and
are now at my mercy! None will escape and your deaths will be full
of anguish! DARK LORD: Huh. So that’s what this looks like from the
other side. EVIL EMPEROR: Sorry! Sorry. Old habit. I’m so use to gloating to the captured heroes
that I forgot that most of you lot are villains. Oh well. Might as well give you the full treatment
with a public execution after my long winded new age speech. DARK LORD: You fiend!… Oh that did not feel right at all. CULT LEADER: We will stop you!… You know, Dark Lord, you’re right. That does feel weird. EVIL EMPEROR: Ha. Nothing can stop me now that I have captured
the hero… um I mean my fellow villains. Ugh. This is so awkward. You know what! Screw this. I’m going to go cash out. You losers can rot in here while I enjoy my
sponsorship money. And no summoning those weird hand monsters. Looking at you hooded mccultist dude. CULT LEADER: For the last time. That’s not us. Hand monsters are body horror. We’re cosmic horror. It’s all tentacles and misshapen otherness. Besides, body horror is so 80s. DARK LORD: You wont get away with this? Ugh. I feel like I need to wash out my mouth after
saying that. EVIL EMPEROR: Fools! I have already won! You see with this video’s sponsor Campfire
Blaze, I will be unstoppable! Campfire Blaze is a browser based writing
organization tool to help novel writers, screen writers, dungeon masters, and very busy Evil
Emperors of large scale galactic empires to keep organized with plots and timelines to
help keep track of the story’s flow and which general to kill for failure. It can even be used collaborate with multiple
users in real time like coordinating with a tabletop gaming group. Not to mention the word processor, character
sheets, character arcs, relationship details, and even tools to flesh out magic systems,
languages, and artifacts. Try the free version or build your own subscription
by choosing only the modules you need by going to bit.ly/TWA2-21. TWA fans can also use the coupon code TWA21
at checkout to receive 20% of all lifetime purchases of Blaze modules! Link is in the description below. GENERAL: The Federation military will never
let the Evil Empire keep all that juicy, juicy sponsorship money. Oh. And um.. something something freedom and democracy. Besides, even with all of that cash, I doubt
the Evil Empire will ever crawl its way out of its deficit. EVIL EMPEROR: Oh there is where you are wrong. For you see, our Imperial Intelligence Agents
have discovered the TWA expanded universe Blaze project and we have found the source. Those idiots at Megacorp have something that
is the origin of these sponsorhips. We merely have to go seize it. DARK LORD: Did you just explain your evil
plan to us? That’s stupid! If we escape we can totally put a stop to
your evil plan now and… oh no. Oh no! I do this all the time don’t I? So that’s how I keep loosing! EVIL EMPEROR: Ugh. Thanks Dark Lord. You just made it weird. Whatever. Going to sell out now! Later losers. LA RESISTANCE: Hey! Any of you interested in joining La Resistance? We’re recruiting right now.
Gold.
I adore your style!