Everything Wrong With Thor: The Dark World

[Music] long before the birth of light there was darkness jesus you people had an entire two-hour movie to establish this universe and you're still opening films with expositional narration also before there was light there was darkness on blank screen cliche such evil was possible through the power of the ether the ether will now be the new tesseract without it the dark elves fell ltr envy bury it deep somewhere no one will ever find it next to that parallax guy just another day in disney realm perhaps next time we should start with the big one was that an option this just came out of the smoke basically out of nowhere that dude was rocking off somewhere in the woods and only came out when things calmed down tesseract terrible weapon for hydra minions also serves as great bifrost bridge repair kit you'd be better served by what lies in front of you yeah no i mean jane foster's jane foster but sif is i mean she's a hot chick who knows how to fight and wears sexy metal outfits is there a comparison here thor returns from multiple battles and immediately bathes only his upper half yeah alcoholism is hilarious especially while a kid sits on your lap rebound guy is absolute opposite of dreamy true love and he's played by chris o'dowd cliche how did none of these orphans outside ever run into this portal and if the portal decided to work just now then we have a sin of plot convenience i'm sure the movie will later explain how there happened to be a coincidental rift in space time in london for jane to fall through that landed her exactly where the dangerous ether was being imprisoned but i'll go ahead out on a limb now and say that that explanation will be [ __ ] stupid so this qualifies as burying something thor clearly enters the archway in this shot but then in the next shot he enters it again despite being knocked out in another realm jane magically transports back to earth without finding anything that would bring her back the cops who have been called to find jane are apparently not interested in any capacity to ask her questions or see if she's okay when she appears out of nowhere you said you were coming back i know i know but the bifrost was destroyed well let me take that back the bifrost was destroyed but in the first movie we found out that you didn't really need it to travel between realms anyway because i came down here during all that stuff that happened in the avengers because odin used some dark energy whatever that means but the point is i had no time to give you even a courtesy phone call even during that bullsh forma scene then we used the tesseract power to rebuild the bridge geez it just explodes my brain this is private property and you're trespassing these are the most lackadaisical cops in history they just let jane and darcy run around out of view when they intended to arrest them she does not belong here in asgard any more than a goat belongs to the banquet table don't some cultures have banquets where the goat would be the main course touch her then thor proceeds to touch her without a problem and by the way i know some of you out there are going to say well it's because the ether knows when the person touching her is threatening and when they're not and that's [ __ ] because why would the ether even care as long as it gets to stay in the body someone just grabbing her shouldn't be a big deal but the movie says it is and now thor can just touch her whenever he feels like it convenience absolute and unchallenged couldn't you have just included this with the big expositional opening do we really need two separate history lessons about the ether and the dark elves in this one movie we interrupt this superhero movie to bring you prometheus that's racist this is a clever plan the dark elves are hatching to have this cursed dude get captured and trojan horse into the asgard prison but how did the dark elves know there was a war going on they've been sleeping for thousands of years and all of a sudden they know for a fact that asgar is fighting to keep the nine realms in order why can't heimdall see that this is a brand new person he's never seen before in fact why can't he see all those dark elves that awakened earlier he can see trillions of souls and the realms aligning but when a species long thought dead reappear he goes blind he's not my father not my father cliche okay so now i'm having anakin and padma love story flashbacks from attack of the clones with every 5 000 years the world's aligned perfectly and we call this the convergence during this time the borders between worlds become blurred it's possible you found one of these points is it because i thought the convergence hadn't actually happened yet thor himself acknowledged this to heimdall it approaches doesn't it and the dark elves talked about it as a future event perfect i'd say gloria so it hasn't happened yet and therefore jane should not have found that portal also i told you the explanation was gonna be [ __ ] my father doesn't know everything don't let him hear you say that how did you hear him say that all the way back there he was using his quiet i just kissed you voice too asgard doesn't inspect prisoners for weapons or recently opened wounds before checking them into prison did they not see the dark knight i suppose this asshole's gonna start saying his stomach hurts now right so the dark elves are using killian's extremists then is marvel so dried up creatively that they can't think of any mysterious deadly superpowers besides red burning flesh i need you to do everything i ask no questions yes ma'am movie steals dialogue straight from my natalie portman fan fiction without crediting me what purpose does it serve that the ship becomes visible when it's touched heimdall's sworn can just tear this magic ship apart also ship has a video game weak spot why was there even one invisible ship leading the charge before you just wanted to have a cool action scene with heimdall didn't you we interrupt the superhero movie to bring you the battle for naboo seems like this could have been done sooner but oh well the ship actually drops its trajectory to hit the force field [Music] how the [ __ ] [ __ ] did he know to come here i guarantee you it wasn't that [ __ ] with loki who told him to take the stairs to the left you might want to take the stairs to the left and even if taking the stairs to the left directed him here he had no idea before he came down that there was a force field surrounding the castle so how would he know that destroying this thing would in any way be worth his time heimdall's sworn could pick up a ship pretty quick but all the columns in asgard's castle do no damage to a ship at all this great hall somehow remains standing even after all the support columns are wiped out by the crashing alien ship wait malekith was on that ship that kamikaze crashed into the great hall that was pretty stupid given what we've seen lasers and heimdall's sword do to these ships earlier sure we get a cool villain entrance moment but the actual plan took logic and threw it out the window thanks odin you came just in time we were here a second ago in the dark elves were kicking all the asses now it looks like everyone's dead for no reason who are you yeah doctor who is that okay so she's a hologram so can her real physical self wherever it is see everything that's going on is she controlling herself with a joystick or connect or something complete with a heads-up display or is freeja's illusion so strong that it pretends to move around and look worried where is the ether you're drawn to it remember do you need a verbal answer for so this ship knew that these guys were gonna get knocked off this very balcony to be waiting for them can come on okay sure it disappeared but the hammers still headed in that direction right as we saw with heimdall earlier these invisible ships still have mass and can be destroyed and seriously all this magic and they can't solve one sword stab in the back if this had been thor or odin they would have had some sort of elixir or chant or moon dude to bring them back to life spirit dust me we interrupt this superhero movie to bring you tangled we don't see who the person is talking to because it's probably an empty room or not the expected audience cliche at some point we pass from honoring the marvel creator into territory where we're just humoring a senile old man who actually kills suspension of disbelief in every single marvel movie right i mean i think we're already there but maybe that's just me a terrible bad guy conveniently needs some r r so that the rest of the plot has time to happen before the big finale my king we are all but defenseless well i'm sure iron man hulk and all those other avenger dudes could handle it i mean have you thought about giving them a call malachith will come to us yes and he will destroy us he will i am still confused as to how much power these dark elves have between all the ass-kicking asgardians odin's staff and thor's hammer plus the mysterious fate of all the other dark elves who were kicking ass and then were suddenly dead i don't think they pose much of a challenge really plus the tesseract can kill or fix anything so astrophysicist dr eric selvig honestly they didn't even need to rehash dr selvig's streaking at stonehenge we already saw this earlier in the movie so darcy should have been able to figure out that he was in the psych ward and we maybe could have just cut straight to her trying to get him out the buy first is closed by your father's orders no one needs to come or to go well that worked so well in the last movie cannot overrule my king's wishes not even for you i'm not asking you to all right thor has a plan that won't get heimdall in trouble treason my lord mine jesus i mean what a [ __ ] liar thor is what i'm about to ask of you is treason of the highest order also this is the exact same scenario from the first movie that got thor banned earth in the first place he went somewhere he wasn't supposed to go to fight a guy he'd been told not to fight after his father had ordered the bifrost closed you're not even trying anymore i'm sure i'm glad sift turned around for no reason at all so that we can see who one of the cloaked people is malakath knew the ether was here he can sense its power except for when the plot called for him not to sense the ether and he reached for a [ __ ] illusion this is the movie's way of saying we could have put the avengers in this movie we just didn't oh and [ __ ] you costumes a bit much also why did thor and loki keep their exact voice no matter who they changed into until loki turned into captain america what how the [ __ ] did they not hear all this commotion in an empty large hallway man now this is a love triangle i'd like to be the hypotenuse in i mean it's a unix system you know that right sure let's just get on the alien ship power it up and fly away [Music] all right now that we've randomly powered it up let's become experts at flying in the next five seconds i really don't think there were any columns left to destroy after the first time but the movie ensures that there are because destruction no one chasing thor sees bodies flying out of the ship nice trick but you were flying that thing wildly all over the place so how did this secret ship keep up with all that madness you have to know the altitude the speed and the exact distance the secret ship has to be behind the dark elf ship in order to catch anyone damn there's not even anyone in this ship anymore and they can't shoot it down with a hail of sci-fi lasers really only one ship and if thorn crew were so easily detected after they jumped off the dark elf ship then why did they even bother going through flying that ship in the first place attacking ship decides to stop shooting while fandral does this again i don't know how you do this the ship was behind you now it just happens to be in perfect rope swinging distance and not one [ __ ] sees this coming for some reason also if this ship can barely make it through the tunnel then why did loki never object to flying on the dark elf ship he didn't know the plan thor tricked him never once did he say hey man this big ass ship this ship won't make it through the secret pathway this plan will not work unless you get me on a smaller ship this can't be a trick at all we interrupt this superhero movie to bring you star trek into darkness and does loki's secret pathway only come here are there other realms that you can enter through that passage in the mountains or just this one because i mean what a stroke of luck that the one secret passage in the entire kingdom can come to the exact spot thor needed to take jane you'll have to sign for your father's belongings brilliant plan just say you're someone's kid and break a guy out of a psych ward something's happening wow i broke you out of the mental hospital just in time then it's sooner than i calculated thor too borrows the scientists problems estimating time thing from 2012. see the birds were just waiting for the actors to get on their marks before reappearing what the hell was that darcy forgets that she saw this same phenomenon a couple days ago we interrupt this superhero movie to bring you looper oh come on we've seen these things work remember they did not have some sort of artificial delay in sending people to their doom invisibility is totally necessary right now there's thor's invincible hammer completely waffling again on how powerful it is none of this would have happened if i hadn't found the ether and malachith would have only possessed it that much sooner how would he have possessed it sooner oh my god this is amazing okay great the planets have aligned cell phones from earth can call the dark realm but [ __ ] man you're in a [ __ ] cave the next thing you'll tell me is that they found spock in this cave even convenience is angry at this kind of plot convenience why would the portal take them here shouldn't it be in that stairway where the kids were throwing all the down in it also why did anything they throw down into that thing ever come back if it went into the cave there doesn't appear to be any other portal it could have fallen into to come back unless it boomeranged back into the portal it came from but then it shouldn't have come out of the sky but the portal at the bottom of the stairs they didn't tow this thing out of here they towed that huge truck that was on its side but the station wagon of the girl who flew out of earth at thor let's just keep that here forgive me my liege okay so we know this is loki posing as a soldier so how did he get back to asgard can he fly so fast that he made it through the tunnel and if he used his nebulous dark magic then why does he ever need to use the secret passageway to come and go from asgard malikis is going to fire the ether at a spot where all the nine worlds are connecting good thing the weapon she had insider told were all about the plan of the bad guy who was merely planning to use the weapon all the great constructions the mayans the chinese the egyptians and they left us a map a map that can be deciphered entirely in the united kingdom these are all coordinates taking us here the line selfie drew were all arbitrary i mean i could take all these points and make the lines pass through somewhere else if i wanted to and wouldn't this obsessed doctor figured this out already here greenwich phew that's only a short drive from where we are now sure dodged a bullet on that one library nazi super powerful ether that has no equal does a good job knocking thor down but that's about it these devices were made to detect anomalies not cost them are you are you kidding me with that [ __ ] sure this unpredictable convergence can be harnessed to transport [ __ ] anywhere you need them to go all you need is a thing and a few other things man of steel itis portals just happen to be anywhere everywhere and nowhere all at once this would be fun if there was any actual logic to it now they just show up at the ice giant place after going back and forth between earth and the dark world the entire time we interrupt this superhero movie to bring you harry potter i mean technically speaking wouldn't the crisis hear that thor's facing be more important than the one iron man faced in iron man 3 shouldn't iron man be here helping thor i mean if killian wins he just has a bunch of super soldiers and robots but he hasn't started a war yet and he doesn't threaten to delete the entire universe as malacath does priority wise the avengers are all out of whack [ __ ] overload so malakath fell on his face and went boom and that's supposed to give me satisfaction can he just get up and keep using the ether to be a dick isn't the ether still out there in dangerous now did any thought go into this script after the first draft i guess odin's dead now what a battle that must have been oh well we didn't need to see it i guess and credit scene introduces another bull artifact that we're gonna have to worry about in future movies and we'll have vague but extreme power one down five to go oh [ __ ] there's six of these things and this guy's collecting them damn it also he's had a plan to get these infinity stones and the first one he captures is willingly given to him he's been sitting around hoping someone would give him one so he could start looking for the others what the [ __ ] damn you avengers now there has to be two [ __ ] scenes at the end of every marvel movie [Music] but she will not survive the amount of energy surging within her they have a cave troll they look like big good strong hands don't they [Music] [Music] come on [Music] we outfitted our fastest ship using red matter i would create a black hole which would absorb the exploding star i was on route when the unthinkable happened the supernova destroyed romulus but the power of the ring could not be [Music] undone so you managed to get your shirt off

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 6,711,942

Keywords: sins thor 2, everything wrong with thor the dark world, cinema sins, wave jockey job, cinemasins, thor 2, cinema sins thor: the dark world, everything wrong with, Thor: The Dark World (Film), cinema sins thor 2, everything wrong with thor 2

Id: KO0hy2olg9k

Length: 16min 41sec (1001 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 03 2014