Everything Wrong With Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Oh everyone I think parallax is getting loose see I don't care about this random planets destruction if it's not earth I have a hard time getting emotionally involved in an exploding planet Alderaan didn't affect me and I don't even know if there was life on this planet here no one who watches the skies for living notices this still photograph of water staining in for frozen water is still photographed in case you confused it with Giza at Puerto Rico he was in Japan just a second ago and now the Silver Surfer will continue his random journey over worldwide famous landmarks I see roland emmerich got his hands on this thing somehow in case she confused it with los angeles jamaica also bloody hell now los angeles considering this trip was going west from japan to egypt i guess the rest of the united states had no silver surfer sightings now the powers going out in LA but doesn't freeze over like the last two places he flew over absolutely no one is playing on the field at dodger stadium but the people came anyway main characters first appearance time perfectly to a nearby television news program talking about them VidCon girls Reed still wants to marry sue despite her freak alien eyeballs also seriously what the [ __ ] happened to her eyes dude you are not here you were over posing with the hot girls that you would never in a million years stop flirting with to go sit in a chair and do nothing dr. Richards I'm very sorry but it seems we're overbooked American Airlines we do have some seats available and coach though an airline would never force celebrities of this caliber out of first-class some other [ __ ] is gonna be flying coach also this is clearly a setup to a hilarious the thing has to sit in the middle seat joke sorry Ben must have sat on the chick who had the window seat because I don't see her anymore that's a tragedy disguised at a comedy in my book Reed Richards is a dick to people in general scientists ruled out global warming as the cause of the extraordinary climatic events Oh Fox why were we subjected to that five-minute airplane scene were they flying away from a much better movie that we didn't get to see six minutes and 30 seconds in and yes you are still seeing credits on screen movie with no story directed by a guy named story the city is trying to charge us for three squad cars they say we destroy the city allows the Fantastic Four to fight crime but only if they pay the bills for the damage they caused showed up just in time for the sequel view movie rubber fingers do not equal superfast fingers you cannot just flash up your non speedy characters yeah sue says I'm addicted to it to moving your fingers really fast because I'm pretty sure that's not exactly what you meant but I could make hay with that kind of setup they're being caused by cosmic radiation not unlike the kind which gave us our powers I'll let Johnny take this one wow that's really boring a bachelor party could be fun but no exotic dancers Oh a bachelor party does not contain a lap dance ha ha Latveria yeah you get that plot kick started movie is there anything I can help you with yes what happened to your eyes also they dragged poor Andre Braugher into this didn't they movie creates convoluted overly sexy scenario so that the hero's love interest will totally get the wrong idea and we can have some generic conflict rubber neo number three oh wait I got confused with all the fakeness the military just absolutely needed to show up unannounced looking for Reed during his bachelor party didn't they a simple phone call out of the question we're concerned that these anomalies might pose a credible threat to our national security have you tried searching the horizon for bright lights traveling at high speeds either freezing or am peeing everything in it's weak that might be where I'd start do you have anyone watching the sky anyone at all you've never seen anything like it you mean balls of light in space also I see people who watch the sky for a living or watching the sky and noting the incredibly rare unexplainable phenomenon it's just taking days for that to translate into the military asking the superheroes for help gotcha surprise revealed that Von Doom escaped the shipping container prison from the last movie is not a surprise Susie doesn't know anything about it I don't know how Reed expects to build this giant thing out in the open without sue knowing but hooray for conflict don't tell Johnny Oh Johnny what nope he didn't even come close to hearing that this article refers to sue is the luckiest girl in the world I actually think they meant to write read and if they didn't change the pronoun that would be fine by me so what's it take to take the Human Torch fireproof lingerie a lot of ha ha Moo be afraid of first base keeps making jokes about third and fourth base Stanley is playing the actual Stanley here what means he's attending the real life wedding of characters he actually helped create in the comic book universe and if that doesn't just blow Stanley's mind I don't know what will it just doesn't feel right I know I'm blind but want the Gabba to your eyes this had between Kerry Washington and Jessica Alba is good but I know what would make it better just linking it to my PDA this is where reid officially becomes kind of like a bad guy right he lines to his future wife who is Jessica Alba he's distracted by this project instead of Jessica Alba he's willing to let this thing update him during the wedding to Jessica Alba Adele he'd wake up one morning and find out she was killed in a rock slide semen joke is semen Jesus how much emergency gear did von doom have hidden away throughout the world before his capture and escaped zoom and enhance cliche we interrupt this fantastic for sequel to bring you the Return of the Jedi rise of the Silver Surfer that's a sequels name and the wedding is wearing it out dead superheroes have dead parents cliche cosmic radiation just happens to be detected in New York so Reed doesn't seem like such a bad guy after all ah that is cool boobie decides to fellate itself after one decent visual effect okay guys if you want to take the Lincoln Tunnel that's cool but you know that goes to Jersey right also pretty sure Johnny just charbroiled a dozen innocent civilians right there meanwhile in Washington I could just kill him right now but I'll let gravity decide this we interrupt this Fantastic Four movie to bring you the flying hero crashes in the desert sequence from Iron Man and that's not even mentioning the ripoff of the flying heroes flying abilities in question while falling only to return just in the nick of time thing also from Iron Man Silver Surfer character design and advertently inspires Prometheus also Andy Serkis isn't playing the Silver Surfer in this movie evidently this entity this Silver Surfer roll credits this is cute but it's also legally torture in most states and spousal abuse in most others everyone in this scene gets a look at naked Jessica Alba except the audience also movie makes exchange of power as possible so that Sue's clones can burn off and they tease naked Jessica Alba for the fourth time in two movies why does this always happen to me this wasn't even in the script it was just Jessica Alba complaining to the producers I got an idea boss what if they all change powers brilliant write a script around that we start shooting in two days Johnny's always been more of a solo act here's another movie trying to get away with the conflict by eavesdropping the Johnny you've given us throughout these movies would just storm right into the room and start bitching these two out few movie Vaughn dune contract the Silver Surfer without the use of Reed's satellite but apparently no one else can for some reason so Johnny merely tried to talk to the Silver Surfer and the surfer tried to kill him Von Doom shoots lightning at the surfer and the surfer just tosses him out of the way and call ourselves what the dynamic duo and Marvel really has an inferiority complex to be constantly named checking Superman and Batman also DC Comics guys we've got a serious problem we've got a serious problem cliche everywhere the surfer goes eight days later the planet dies so Bieber then also to remember how wrong gear calculations were in the first movie and recalculate that means you have about sixteen hours maybe twelve so the next in the sequence should be and nothing important happened at all during the time it took them to fly from New York to London next time there's no next time that's why I'm bringing in some help general Hager contradicts himself by telling Reed there won't be a next time but then basically saying well there is a next time but it'll be with Victor Von Doom you're gonna put innocent people in danger know more than you already have Hager told Von Doom I want you to hide somewhere when I tell Reed I'm bringing in help he'll protest and that's your cue to come in you trust Victor and you're gonna regret it so far the only one I've regretted trusting here is you but I'm still letting you help me for some reason look at where the energy levels surge when he attacks me general Hager has already seen this right that's why he allowed Von Doom into this operation so why the focus information not share with Reed before they went out to London rock star level famous superheroes are alternately mobbed in public and left alone entirely depending on the needs of the script she's very attractive with the you know that's very sister how's it going didn't sue also go to MIT as a tremendous scientific brain either she can help Ari doesn't want her to help why he basically Pepper Potts in this movie it's gonna be alright you know it won't be well I think we have room for one or two more cliches in this thing don't you got lying around over there got any hero gets anxiety issues about pressure related to the job I can I feel your pulse slowing down do you remember that time a pulse man thank God sue casually said the word pulse who attack yump off you need something that moves faster than the speed of light to throw the Silver Surfer off his board if you can generate tachyons you better build a time machine or some and not forget about it in the next movie don't wait and you activate the field it'll separate him from his board oh well you make it sound easy I've seen as a guy that I almost got his team killed Top Gun script somehow made it into the Fantastic Four sequel this is not a game everyone's been saying like this to Johnny but only the hot girl gets through to him because the power of boners is stronger the other side that's why I flew you and the rest of your team to Germany so that you could just press a button also what was this scene about the military felt the need to tell Johnny they were gonna interrupt the surfer so he could tag along but not actually use him in any meaningful way so let me make it clear for you and you pack of freaks if we interrupt this Fantastic Four movie to bring you the mutants are outcasts vibe from the x-men movies but I guess who never played football in high school suddenly movie feels the need to lay out a dick-measuring contest between Reed and Hagar as if Hagar has been that kind of adversary the whole movie I stayed in and studied like a good little nerd and 15 years later I'm one of the greatest minds of the 21st century instead of getting some other Lackey you could position these tachyon pulse generator things around the Fantastic Four have to do it themselves ensuring that Von Doom will go on watch during this entire operation so this is Germany there aren't any bears in Germany I mean in 2006 there was this Bruno bear that had to be killed but he was the first one to be seen in 170 years sooo pleased that we have a problem game so that Reed has to ask what the hell she's talking about still for surfer crashed into some random spot in the Black Forest but doom knew where he would land we're now in Siberia and the mission is over but yeah let's keep the Fantastic Four on our trip to Siberia to where is he I'm very serious I took my hair out of a ponytail for this fortunately pursue Von Doom requests a meeting and the general calls for a break just as she's trying to have a private conversation with the surfer wouldn't her voice be enough is there any reason to become visible again also none of the video cameras in this facility apparently captured this conversation they're all pointed at the Fantastic Four not the prisoner in who is the one I serve who do you serve surfer please the pronoun game so that sue has to ask who the hell he serves oh come I mean the guy has been rendered powerless by his board but he still has a documentary video to show on his washboard abs Galactus the Devourer of worlds so parallax then this movie is fast becoming a discount Green Lantern and I'm sure I don't have to tell you what that means my surface spares my world and the one I love ah last-minute villain turned hero love story this guy is Bane Miranda Tate is just around the corner somewhere why did you try to protect me you better not say what I think because you remind me of her ah it is not I who draws the destroyer here it is the beacon the source of my power so as board draws the destroyer here and the Destroyers basically gonna eat the planet my question is why does the Silver Surfer need to go around cutting holes in the earth for weeks before the destroyer comes can he just eat the planet without the holes also he never got to finish the one he was gonna do in Germany so if it is required the destroyer is gonna be missing the full complement of holes he needs to eat the planet okay so is Saturn dead now even if earth survives this that'll be a tragedy for about a week would Pluto try and reinstate four planet status you can do your ptosis on the board let's go do that right now I mean it's not like I was in the middle of an interrogation or anything Wow Viktor somehow built a wrist pad that controls the alien surfboard I'm not even mad that's incredible Reid's had a special Fantastic Four jet this entire movie but never thought it would come in handy until just at this moment pammi you will never find a more wretched hive of region ducing product placement than this movie we're now officially enemies of the United States of America Viktor it's out there somewhere with unlimited power will you the narrator I was once called mmm exotic you know I've never been the giving type breathe the Fantastic Four all have ear buds but how the far they able to hear victors calm speaking voice at 500 miles per hour in the sky movie rips off the ship splits into smaller ships thing from Star Trek The Next Generation and fly a few miles from Siberia and boom Wall of China just like that motherfucker's also Victor is a dick to seventh wonders a lactis went from Saturn to Earth in like ten minutes but then takes forever to go from the edge of Earth's atmosphere to actually destroying earth I mean look at how fast he's approaching Earth in this [ __ ] shot did you take all of 1015 seconds for this thing to begin and end this whole movie Jonny's glitch has been causing them to swamp powers he gets a new power of someone he touches and they get his then at the finale Johnny can somehow get all four powers at once because Stanley I know HBO is [ __ ] in all this mess shoplifting then climbs this one crane but thankfully the battle between flying superheroes and intergalactic planet eaters never strays far from that one city block so Ben can still have an impact on things so he's electrocuted right that's all for von doom once he lands in the water right obviously not really dead superhero is obviously not really dead surfer ex machina answer me this why would a planet eating space monster put in his employee an indentured servant and given the power source capable of overthrowing the monster if the surfer is this powerful then why the [ __ ] did he ever allow himself to be the slave and let his planet and girlfriend be threatened surfer ex machina duo films beat conflict resolves itself if it wasn't for the team the whole world will be gone by now I know it's amazing how comic book villains start showing up on earth right after comic-book heroes get their powers let this be a lesson men if a woman constantly tells you she's not interested it does not mean she's not interested wait and Sue Storm Venice is sinking into the Adriatic and you have your PDA set up to inform you of Venice's whereabouts yeah that's cute but Venice is sinking into the Adriatic Sea [ __ ] poor bastards thought they were gonna get a third movie a bachelor party could be fun but no exotic dancers [Music] you guys um we use a large vibrating egg aggressive feelings boy [Music] Oh guess what day it is why are you destroying our planet you think that's air you're breathing now this is not a game we're talking about practice not a game not a game not a game not so tough now are you everybody that reads comic books knows that Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer now am i right or wrong what's your name all right you got a question what is your favorite cut

Channel: CinemaSins

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Keywords: cinemasins, silver surfer, everything wrong with rise of the silver surfer, rise of the silver surfer review, fantastic four rise of the silver surfer, rise of the silver surfer, eww, fantastic four, wave jockey job, everything wrong with, cinemasins rise of the silver surfer, cinema sins

Id: ekjLaVcZhf0

Length: 14min 54sec (894 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 22 2014