Everything Wrong With The Ring In 14 Minutes Or Less

I hate television hating television girls are hanging out together in a bedroom and I see no evidence of a pillow fight sweetie Joan of Arcadia's viewing of the tape just happened to be one week ago today at the precise time the effects of watching it will give a proper demonstration of its power two minutes after her friend randomly mentioned the rumor she heard about said tape it really is a tape or now get this someone you might know might be calling you at the ungodly hour of 10:00 p.m. holy it was someone she knew calling her at the ungodly hour of 10 p.m. woo hoo ha ha ha even when the demon has a precise killing deadline it prefers to mess with its victim first before doing the killing also it Katie were outside right now with the TV turn on by itself with the static or with the swimming-pool when the TV turns itself on - static twice in a row either you've done drank too much or run [ __ ] teenager blames best friend upstairs for what is clearly an electrical or paranormal phenomena huh wait that's an actor without makeup or CGI to make them look evil that's just how he naturally looks ha ha channeled in a horror movie draws disturbing things cliche yes I understand but these pictures of Aidan's way of working it out Rachael interrupts the teacher so that the interesting information can be delivered more dramatically I'm just saying but rule 6 here suggests that students in this classroom are walking at all times as opposed to sitting at their desks listening to the teacher Katie yeah she told me wait wait Katie told you about this horrific videotapes you want and she was talking about it like she knew for a fact it was going to kill her and she told this to her nine-year-old cousin maybe she deserved to die I don't know also considering what we saw in the beginning of the movie with Katie just chilling with her best bud Becca does this look like someone who's scared they're going to die at any moment Rachael child cause character we've understood to be his mother by her first name to further confuse the dynamic cliche you mean your nine year old kid sure he keeps tabs on his mom's black dresses Aiden's mom walks around the house like this it's great for us sure but the kid no wonder he draws people buried in the ground all the time and as it turns out he didn't know where the dress was he even put it out for which seems nice until you realize he went into his mother's room and took it without asking or telling her about it also they only want isn't my girlfriend wife or even my mom in the seat yeah Dave sure just an awake for my recently deceased daughter I feel just like that dude in the sixth sense ice her face so what are you doing in a closet what tape the one that kills you when you watch it oh please what was on the tape I agree Rachel this tape killer seems pretty amusing when you're at a week for the girl who just died Josh is he here josh is dead information you think Katie's mom would have heard about through the normal course of an investigation but now concerned mother who came up here to retrieve her child well now after the child has wandered off unattended spend several minutes exploring the dead girl's bedroom and ignoring her child warped faces in a photograph definitely means evil spirits and not for instance a terrible cameraman moving the camera at the time of the picture or Photoshop a lot of the stuff written on this newspaper is a bunch of bait bull there should be a full blown police investigation at this point right you have a girl who died mysteriously and her secret boyfriend died on the same night as did two other kids two kids that Adam Brody from the OSI neglected to mention because it wasn't ready to be revealed in the movie yet also three kids from the same high school died on the same night at 10:00 p.m. and the media doesn't turn that into a full-blown front-page story what happened yesterday to knock these kids off the front page Pearl Harbor also did the ghost toy with the other three kids like it did with Katie or did it actually kill them at precisely 10:00 p.m. because remember Katie's mom called at 10:00 p.m. and she was still allowed to live another five minutes after that you're fired no I'm not yes you are no I'm not I'm cooking too good a story about a videotape that kills teenagers when they went out I am fired aren't I well it's not a movie shot in the Seattle area unless there's a helicopter shot establishing a car driving someplace through the woods Oh God any card will be tries to make this minor character memorable by having him performs magic they were in 2012 we didn't pay they didn't how the hell did they get the cabin then take cabin twelve wait why does she have to pay to get the cabin if this horrible business doesn't even take payment to rent the cabin in the first place I love how the videotape killed several kids and even if they watched it here on the campsite way before dying they somehow had the presence of mind to return it to the backwoods cabin rental office that was scary oh don't forget to rewind that tape though and return it to the office girl these kids watch this tape in this room and then died I should definitely watch this tape in this room like they did why would a horror ghost with any kind of motive make a movie like this if you're trying to communicate to people some sort of wrongdoing don't make it a straightforward narrative kid this young walks to school by himself in downtown see out hey I don't know you at all but one day I will for some reason well good talk this movie is 15% shots of VHS tapes being shoved into VCRs Oh Gladys did someone say the ring on that tape so been working a lot the director said eat the only red apple in this entire fruit bowl it'll make you look like even more of an [ __ ] and it rhymes angry ghosts left a message but made sure to do it after intended target left the building super curious girl who has been nothing but super curious about her nieces death in its mysterious nature somehow decides not to listen to the haunted answering machine message she'd be able to see the camera here in the reflection angles straight on don't yeah but is it impossible this ghost director knew camera tricks Rachel hired know how to do this stuff even chastise him for speaking like a video geek committed to go but suddenly think she can control the video equipment better than he can so we're gonna find out in just a second that there's actually someone using this ladder but for what there was no reason any [ __ ] on this earth needs to stick a ladder here unless they're possessed by demons and need to provide quick symbolism whoa I definitely thought this chick died that first night why was she missing from the bedroom when Amber Tamblyn came upstairs she'll show you Becca who is totally and completely screwed up after Katie's death and I can't blame her for anything except she placed the pronoun game so Rachel has to ask who she is that's all it is how the [ __ ] do you know that you didn't watch the tape just knowing someone who died because of the tape give you days until death predicting powers not sure about you but if I saw a fly on my screen moving forward and back in time with the controls but then was also able to physically pull that fly off the screen I'd be freaking my out right about now also why are you able to do this now but not earlier oh hey look the photographer took a picture of this lighthouse at the exact same angle that the ghost shot her film not just content with finding important information at the library Rachel now scours the internet to find the missing pieces it's a great one-two trope combo props to the movie for having an entire article about the quest range here but or whenever seems like a hugely obvious editor's note that made it into the final copy somehow rachel typed something about horses and obviously see something dramatic so why does she now need to go into the archives and find articles about this when she certainly saw the very same stories on the internet copies excitement copies you're gonna die my cousin was two packs a day extremely prescient store clerk turns out to simply be a rude store clerk oh she has a kid I forgot just like she did during the last 30 minutes of a movie where she runs around all over the place without any concern but a kid if there's one flaw in this movie it's that it tries really hard to explain how important Katie wants to Aidan long after she's gone but before she dies she never once mentions it and we never see them together because the movie wanted to start off with that five minute creepy opening that's totally fine just know that relationship is pretty ill-defined why is this ghost pretty grew Goering before the deadline what a dick what compelled this [ __ ] to find some random tape and watch it no so why did you leave this tape lying around why did you even keep it and even if you were gonna keep the tape knowing what you do if it's creepy power why wouldn't you lock it up or hide that or something I mean you're screaming here completely horrified this kid has seen the tape but it's all your fault babe 100% didn't sleep so I found the most random VHS tape I could find and plugged it in no big whoop now you get the sense that the only reason he wants the tape was so that Rachel could be sufficiently motivated to figure out how to beat it in a weird way endangering her son's life help save her protagonist answers phone and says crazy to someone who has no idea what's going on cliche he watched the tape Rachel plays the pronoun game so that the guy from Britney Spears toxic video has to ask who the hell he is dumb but also obvious Rachel and I moms told me not to but goddamn 7 years old why would she have told you the story about her friends with benefits box before you die you see the ring roll credits in completely lost its thunder when the guy from torque said it earlier animals know something as cliche yeah that usually works Rachel graduated top of her class from the Prometheus school of running away from things when the horse died it saw the ring you see the records for patient and Anna Morgan sure thing what do you need medical history x-rays got a great picture of her boobs if you need it okay so that I told you the records room was downstairs but you made the huge leap that they were in this room Mark II CPH station D that's some super slippy well I guess she hitched a ride out here so how does she hope to get back whenever no one answers the door to farm it's customary to wander around set farm like a nosy tabloid reporter Louie has the constant need to show you what everything is in relation to that videotape well it's a movie in the early aughts so I'm guessing this old man is played by Brian Cox who set the world record for being in everything back then you see he wasn't in Josie and the Pussycats like again pose he's there you're just not looking hard enough I don't breed anymore vasectomies will do that to you I think it's a message from your wife Jesus Rachel definitely doesn't believe in easing someone into a tough conversation does she a terrible babysitter somehow manages to answer the phone I'll also miss in the last two hours of psychotic images her charge has been drawing even why did you draw that house god damn it the pronoun game is being insane in this movie why does tomorrow show you things why why are you the conduit for a little girl and a tape that you didn't see until yesterday she's also known as the well but it sounds scarier this way also I am now going to forget that tomorrow shows you things and go about this investigation without asking any further questions because convenience to the plot when you live on an island you catch a cold it's everybody's cold I'm just gonna let Naomi wants in that no offense ma'am but what the hell does that mean you try and walk out of here with my file and I'll be on you like white on rice that's racist luckily no one's found a guy in this hospital who not only knows his story is [ __ ] but still allows him to watch the video anyway because jobs let me ask this no one watched the videotape why did the ghost call Rachel's landline instead of just calling him directly on his cell phone furthermore this brings up another question what if there is no telephone around when you watch the tape no one answered my knock well I'll just come in I'm a title luckily for the plot of this movie the tape Noah was looking for just happens to be sitting completely adjusted in full view so that Rachel can find it jump-scare centipede Rachel also decides I'll just watch the tape right here in the guy's living room he's definitely not here because he didn't answer my knock earlier so movie inspires Paranormal Activity several years later daddy loves the horses gah holy jesus balls it's gonna stun of me if you have to do a jump scare I think that is how you do a jump scare now we need to go clean my pants and take one sin off he doesn't know what tomorrow doctor turned off the camera for some reason during this extremely crucial moment here you see a woman run up the stairs after an insane man who just hit her over the head with a thing because that is just what you do in such situations I suppose didn't she just get hit really hard in the head no concussion or scar anything this is an orgy of evidence that this kid lived in a horror cat bedroom cliche it manages to combine the rocking horse and the music box scare or something all into one Rachel I think this might be blood so I'm gonna touch it oh yeah that edging in the wood is totally exactly the same as the bruise on my arm weird I wonder what date oh thanks no one gets mad about the lack of clues rips the phone out of the wall and creates an instant clue that's basically an accident ex machina right there folks who built this but same people who built the houses and poltergeist hey guys let's build a cabin completely over this old well I mean why not at least baby Jessica can't get in anymore I guess tomorrow couldn't do any others before because after all there was a wooden floor built over the well wood is amazing it's stopping Paranormal Activity yeah and she's dead rachel gets knocked unconscious by her fault but somehow was able to hold her breath at the same time to avoid drowning which is my rule the conscious decision as anyone in the history of film grabbed a fire hose and taken off running without running out of hose and falling hilariously I'm being serious here people know it beautiful view Samara I realize you want to give the audience this information but are you telling me Rachel fell 19 stories into a well survived and then had flashbacks of this memory that is not hers holy Sh are saying that's what happened Rachel saw this decomposed body is a fully preserved human being for some reason feel free to make your jokes about Larry King here wait a minute didn't the stone lid to the will cover the opening by itself a minute ago and didn't it take both of them pushing with all their might to get it off in the first place did Noah study gamma radiation with Bruce Banner it's over probably not I love it too completely forgetting what was going on with this little demon child within the movie but knowing this is how he's found makes me extremely satisfied he said it free you helped her god damn it kid if you knew this would be a bad thing why didn't you warn your mom about it why didn't you explain she was evil any old ring will do when it comes to your inevitable death pick up the phone Noah after all you definitely don't have a cell phone I could call you on during this emergency no one who dies in this movie owns a goddamn answering machine Rachel prefers the I'm going to take in every last detail before confirming my baby daddy is dead method of discovery trust the filmmakers here it's scarier if you don't see what made her strange do you know was there no babysitter here I mean Jesus isn't this kid way too young to be a latchkey child tell them did she suddenly sense there was another videotape nearby mr. prison you show it to what happiest um Samara basically invented the first successful chain letter with this video also since when did Samara from the grave enter images onto a VHS tape and hope for someone to watch it one day and hope for someone to catch all these clues before seven days were up and figure out they needed to copy the tape to live and I mean damn that doesn't want to work for a dead girl movie ends on an editing base-jump scale did I who would bring you Pirates of the Caribbean next year of course [Music] I just gotta have a six-year relationship okay and this should help explain why I'm acting so weird I just want you to know that it's not you it's me I'm sorry I believe you you've disappeared like everything else Wells gonna talk to him last [Music] [Music] first take a big step back and literally your own face [Music] which they say sergeant Oliver hello puddle not a man is assaulting a woman at 1 through 5 West 9th Street the future is a butt that farts horror this is the story of a cat who lives with a young woman in a trailer park not too many years from now the young woman is named Zoe Ashe and her cat smells like a dumpster behind a seafood restaurant on a hot summer day one day a little hologram man tells Zoe that some bad men are coming to kill her these men can do magic using technology because it is the future and such things are possible Zoe and her smelly cat must travel to a strange land called Utah in which many people are dying in exotic and gruesome ways now I don't want to spoil too much of the story so let's just say that things only get weirder from there will Zoe find a way to save mankind from itself and will she do it in time to be back at work for her Monday morning shift at the cafe or we'll both Zoe and her cat be horribly murdered by cyborgs you will have to buy this book to find out futuristic violence aunt Mitsy suits a novel by New York Times bestselling author David Wong you can find it wherever books like this are sold or just go to futuristic violence calm and order it that way it's even available as an audiobook if you think reading is stupid the book has been called subtly brilliant by Publishers Weekly and book lists calls it explosive smart and witty futuristic violence and fancy suits is an adventure suitable for all ages except for Chum during who will be traumatized [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,028,956

Rating: 4.9127321 out of 5

Keywords: movie review, cinema sins, ringu, eww, wave jockey job, The Ring (Film), review, everything wrong with, everything wrong with the ring, cinemasins

Id: V3iJqH9-tQ8

Length: 17min 1sec (1021 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 13 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/centurion_celery]

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"no."

[u/polite-1]

lmao @ the final edit.

[u/DaringDomino3s]

David Wong has a new book? Awesome!

[u/JayScarp]

How come Jeremy didn't post this video? Just wondering.

[u/[deleted]]

was too scared to look at the video

what was the jumpscare they unsinned?