Everything Wrong With Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope - With Kevin Smith

Reidy damn I forgot what all that just said stormtroopers with infamous bad aims somehow managed to actually kill anna frebel soldiers here to take over the ship they survived this Darth Vader could choke fools just by using the hand gesture we learned that later on in this very movie so why is it getting all touch me in the morning with this rebel scum man Vader's got to get back close to a guy who's committed his life to overthrowing the government you get that close homing grab Vader's lightsaber to kill the Sith out of mr. suddenly touchy-feely yell Vader choke that chicken from across the road bro and you didn't seem to have a problem firing on the ship or having your stormtroopers blasting away when they torched the door down Leia's plan is to shoot once at four stormtroopers then Prometheus cool of running away from things into the open hallway that offers no cover I'm not getting in didn't Vader tell these fools he wanted passengers alive hey it's a good thing that the Star Destroyer didn't completely swallow the smaller ship or else this escape pod would have crashed into the floor somewhere hold your fire there's no life-forms unless this is the first day that droids were released to an unsuspecting buying public everyone in the galaxy knows about droids and their capabilities but they just let the escape pod go because of no life-forms they don't even want to shoot the thing down just to be safe man these guys are the biggest fuck-ups in all the Star Wars movies and that's a short-circuited oh oh right you're right that's stupid assumption it's the most likely reason for an escape pod to jettison from a recently captured rebel ship under siege escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting no life-forms were aboard you mean an escape pod like one escape pod why did the other guys say there goes another one which implies more than one Royds are moving so slowly that there's no way they shouldn't be caught immediately by Vader's troopers oh well that's convenient I spent the whole afternoon going in opposite directions and still got to the same place well Jabba's cover some damn ground man also do they have this main sandcrawler ship going around while they dumped off loads of Java's to hide in the mountains in case lost robots show up I guess you're right George this scene felt so incomplete without the CGI writing wizard in the background also isn't it lucky that these things have claws that don't leave any tracks that makes their appearance more cost-effective and unrealistic that conveniently dropped pieces of themselves along the way like brick gums room at roll call I suppose you're programmed for etiquette and protocol uncle Owen rejects droids immediately with a simple note and knows exactly what c-3po does just by looking at but mysteriously talks to him anyway I'm guessing so c-3po can persuade uncle Owen I was going into tosche station to pick up some power converters all right every right-thinking human being on the planet is gonna sin this awkward line and it's equally cinebulle reading in Heaven's we were looking for some daemon here and we got some affleck instead this power converted thing sounds like a lie to me man like when my friend Malcolm would say I'm going a CityWalk guy and then they secretly hook up with dudes at bear bars so I'm saying Luke wanted to go to Tashi but it wasn't his power he wanted converted he was sneaking away for public restroom rendezvoused with Arcturians man male or female don't matter was Arcturian baby red droid melts down conveniently so that r2 can get a job and stay with his buddy hey what are you trying to push on us hey yeah I mean I thought you were reputable salesman with your Sanger lore full of random robot selections you mean the one you instantly dismissed earlier Luke is a teenager who plays with model t16 skyhopper probably so you knew what to buy when you went to the toy store I'm not even sure which well if there's a bright Center to the universe you're on the planet that is farthest from he's a droid it's not your dude bro it doesn't understand sarcasm man homie may be fluent in over six million forms of communication but wise ass ain't one of them stop confusing your sex droids wait they're not sex troy'd the one shaped like a human and little mister ride-height they're not sex droids man that's a sin right there who's she she's beautiful how can you tell it's a blue hologram full of 1970s also if he could discern whether she's beautiful or not why can't he figure out that this is Princess Leia you know about the Civil War going on and she has the title of Princess so how is she unfamiliar to you called obi-wan Kenobi phony might have meant old Dan say both these guys named Kenobi you think they know each other homie changes the Obi one part of his name it keeps the easily identifying Kenobi last name if he'd gone with Ben Jonson literally none of the rest of this movie could ever happen man and don't tell me it's because Kenobi knew one day or one day Luke would need to find a man he's in hiding like all the Jedi that are left alive just admit it man dude's got a good heart but he chose a stupid stupid alias he has too much of his father in him that's what I'm afraid understatement foreshadow is that under shadowing how is it this dark out with Toussaint's you think the combined power would make it look like daytime out here also sons this close together it would cause wicked and sanity on this planet one son would heat the other son dogs and cats living together mass hysteria [Music] the director said ok Luke just stare at the Suns because any line you might say would honestly make this scene worse it's too dangerous with all the sandpeople that's racist dead ahead thank God we went in the one direction r2 did so we could find him Hindi celery driving this thing you are c-3po he's probably saying hold your fire there's no life-forms obvious reverse job is obvious but instead of killing Luke he just knocks him out for some reason how did he knock him out it can't be with the weapon he's holding that's sure death if you get hit by that thing now that's the name I've not know Oh obi-wan basically half truth is when you through this entire movie I was once a Jedi Knight now this is the first time Luke's even hearing about his Jedi dad but the real news here is that his uncle has been lying his ass off for years man forget the dad you never knew stuff this uncle Owen this farmer who's trying to pull moisture out of the deserts like a dick he's the liar you always thought he was man your whole life is a lie get your revenge Luke you go back and you burn your lion uncle alive right in front of his own hat look too late [Music] damn obi-wan you might have wanted to tell Luke which way to point that thing before turning it on which is what I tell all my six droids Luke could have accidentally cut off the head of old man exposition movie franchise nearly sends obi-wan to his death 75 minutes too early ending said movie franchise again the force the force is what gives a Jedi his power it's an energy field created by all living things and something about midi-chlorians but that's not nearly schools what I'm saying it surrounds us penetrates is a force kind of sounds like a sex offender years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars any time you want to tell Luke but this is his long-lost sister here's your chance obi-wan don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers ways lord Vader oh look at mister keeping it real man this has to be his first day on the job am i right as Darth Vader never shown his powers at any time during this guy's life I imagine that right before he left for work his wife was telling him you got to be more assertive in that job if you want to get ahead honey don't be afraid to speak your mind to your bosses they like people who challenge them slow-ass stormtroopers only recently killed these Jabba fools they left the Star Destroyer one minute after the droids but are somehow a day and a half behind it looks like the sandpeople did this all right I've never heard of them eating anything this big beautiful they didn't but we are meant to think they did because Imperial Stormtroopers know what about Tatooine and San people in order to frame their ass and these last points too accurate for sandpeople only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise [Laughter] look I know we got to get Luke into space somehow but the stormtroopers just gone melt as aunt and uncle and don't think I don't know maybe we should ask some questions maybe we should figure out if this boy is coming home super maybe with the droids we're looking for but they don't man they just leave they just create destruction just leave you know it would have been more metal than this if they ripped the flesh from these dirt farmers bones and dressed up in their skins can you imagine that Luke comes home and he's greeted by stormtroopers wearing the bloody skins of Aunt Beru and uncle Owen draped over their helmets and they're asking about droids like I would tell them anything man I'd even tell them what I was really doing whenever I went to tashi station oh I see the Death Star has branded their truth serum robot so that all visitors know this isn't some knockoff Death Star here also how was Leia able to deny the truth serums effects don't tell me she's a Jedi we don't know that yet and she doesn't know that yet and if she Jedi her way out of this somehow Vader would have sensed it obi-wan said okay c-3po let's burn a giant pile of Java bodies because that's the absolute last of their race and no one will ever miss them burials are for closers only I want to come with you to Alderaan even though I have tons of other options at this point also Luke doesn't seem all that broken up about his aunt and uncle dying does he he must have had a titanic cry on the way to the giant Massacre site you will never find more wretched hive of scum and villainy except Gary Indiana of course you've got some obvious Phantom Menace in my new hope that's racist this iconic tavern scene does not contain an alien lap dance among the many creatures here Satan also likes to hang out in the cantina that's bassist we don't serve their kind Threepio gets a taste of his own rhesus Medicine 90 seconds after dismissing the Jawas I don't like the look at this all the unnecessarily added CGI Baloo me neither like every other citizen of the first world with enough time on their hands to care about this kind of we're all so mad that Han no longer shoots Greedo first like the cold-blooded badass he was in the 1977 cut of the movie so we're gonna send this but did you have to make grito such a horrible shot this might be the worst shot in the history of movies man he's literally three feet away and he misses like a dick dude's supposed to be a bounty hunter this is his first day on the job like the mouthy guy in the Death Star is Star Wars really a movie about a bunch of people starting their first day at a new job Han is addictive Jabba's tail and these special effects are addictive the audience what Luke is the most annoying backseat driver since your mom commence primary ignition it takes 10 seconds for the Death Star to shoot its laser after this remember that kids when this takes forever later this yellow monster dies immediately from getting lifted what a [ __ ] you need to control your actions harshly but it also obeys your commands oh wait what your eyes can deceive you don't trust them yeah but I'm gonna guess your eyes don't deceive you as much as everything else you use to detect things it's not like the Jedi is going around blind holding each other before a lightsaber match this [ __ ] Luke isn't feeling the force already after spending just a couple hours with that floaty ball I call it life in my experience there's no such thing as luck you just experience luck it's okay to give it and accept it let the hate flow through you I told you she would never consciously betray the rebellion and to emphasize this point I'm going to start gesturing after I talk terminate her immediately immediately on the Death Star means being around for a couple of hours waiting for the Millennium Falcon to arrive and save the day did they get out of hyperspace just before chunks of Alderaan slammed into their ship because experience that's some serious luck right there also lucky is that the death star just happens to be around Alderaan right now that way you can say Princess Leia and this trip will be meaningless well he ain't gonna be around long enough to tell anybody about us why is it taking so long to get in range to blast this one little Thai fighter this ship made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs we must be trying to return the stolen plans to the princess she may yet be of some use to us you can't possibly think that don't get the idea to rescue Leia from her prison or that don't even find out she's here remember it takes a crazy-ass plan to get into the control room and r2 messing around with the computer to even find out that information even if you have an idea to capture them put them in Leia so and hope she blabs to them about where the secret base is this is silly Leia bullsh you and proved too strong for the mind probe so she's officially useless Darth Vader needs to start setting up charges on the Millennium Falcon take the Death Star plans back destroy Luke and execute Leia at the same time while his children get baptized in the Catholic Church Godfather style wait there's no one on board sir let me get this straight you have sensors that could tell whether there are life forms on an escape pod but you can't detect life-forms on a ship inside the Death Star knowing this anybody could send a ship full of killer droids buried in the floorboards to kill and take out the entire Empire and people [ __ ] about our TSA persons have not filled seats since when since when they've already reported to Vader that no one is here so these stormtroopers were sent on the ship - basically what walk-around and confirm what the last crew of stormtroopers just did a second ago the stormtroopers are still on the ramp exiting the ship and Han picks this exact moment to open the secret panel on the floor and also my guess he figures there's no way they're coming back or that it could be a trip even for smuggling yeah bone smugglin stage I apologize if that joke fell for some stage again but here's the thing your big conflict with Jabba was that you had to let go cargo when you got boarded man but you have all these secret panels in the floor that the Empire can't find so why do you ever sweat getting boarded sounds like a rookie move like maybe it was your first day on the job or something like that this movie is just like the office in outer space man Han is Jim Luke is Dwight and Greedo is like Ryan the temp and why did Obi one get his own compartment while Luke and Han had to go three-way with the Wookiee that beats my fanfiction but why oh so this is the scanning team why didn't some of the stormtrooper stay on board into the team was ready to go scanning the ship requires loading this huge cumbersome box on the ship itself I know this is set a long time ago in a galaxy far far away but you have technology that beats us here in 2015 and I know that simple heat signature technology would tell us there are [ __ ] on this ship blaster fire inside heavily guarded ship raises no alarm or suspicion it sure is lucky that hana luke blasted the two stormtroopers with the exact same size uniforms they needed and those suits are remarkably intact after getting blasted a second ago you know between his howling and your blasting everything in sight of one of the whole station doesn't know we're here Luke Skywalker two would be excellent at cinemasins phallic data extraction also thankfully the Death Star has a computer port that has access to the entire station that also happens to match r2d2 s output thingy I'm afraid I'm not quite sure sir he says I found her and keeps repeating she's here c-3po defines the problem with the pronoun game while r2d2 plays it oh-hoo-hoo is he found Princess Leia you just said you didn't know who he was talking about an r2d2 has not said anything since the conversation started well more wealth than you can imagine Luke is drawn by the power of boners to take on the whole goddamn Death Star and Han is drawn by the power of money boners there is no way the Empire created something so innocent and jovial Swamper brain is only good while good guys occupy the costumes although it still kind of takes them along to conversation anyway I'm surprised this radio didn't shoot on first Han and Chewie somehow need to retreat while holding this super tiny opening in the elevator these troopers a car then the entire rest of the scene none of the Imperial troopers come down this hall and fire into this obvious escape hole into the garbage compactor everyone survives this [ __ ] but when did you ever have time to try shooting the door before Han jumped down to shoot man he jumped down four seconds after you did and held Chewbacca was standing there at the door when Han landed it's your life Luke Skywalker I call you fib Fortuna as a deep cuts reference man achievements unlocks there's something alive in here the Empire just recently threw a live swimming creature into this garbage disposal just before our heroes jumped down in it because how else would it have survived the numerous amounts of compacting unless it's Gumby or something how does Luke get swallowed whole by the shallow-water this creature isn't okay at this point luke is dead that dude drown he comes from a desert planet with virtually no water and no practice with water he's out of his element the Empire's addicted tall stormtroopers if you hurry you might catch them these still aren't the droids we're looking for yeah what thank God for extremely slow trash compactors ah han shoots one guy and the entire stormtrooper unit starts running away and it's not like they're setting a logical trap because the ship is in a different direction will Storm Trooper strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine basically I'll be able to occasionally talk to Luke through ghost power so there honestly this is pretty badass and it makes sense for the plot - obi-wan knows he's outmatched he knows Luke would stick around to try and save him and we'd never get on the ship and so we will remove five sins for Obi Wan's badassery right here no here's a blanket Luke wouldn't want you to catch cold or some we did it for the record Princess Leia is a badass but in this scene she didn't do anything you're sure the homing beacon is secure aboard their ship this might explain why the stormtroopers were so awful at shooting our heroes earlier but how did they coordinate this plan with everyone on the Death Star was it make the shooting look good but don't hit them you might die but it's for the greater good or did Vader set it up so the heroes could escape but didn't mind if they got killed in the process they're tracking us not this ship sister well your male confidence certainly is convincing I guess we should just go straight to the rebel base without any precautions an analysis of the plans provided by Princess Leia Princess Leia hear all your stories when we get back alright it'd be like old times Luke he'll never stop us this guy is trying to drink's the entire mission and he's definitely dead for some reason the Death Star doesn't use its tractor beam to render these ships useless Hopey one turned it off but he didn't destroy it I'm going in cover me Porkins what have I told you about calling me Porkins analyze their attack sir and there is a danger should I have your ship standing by or maybe get some of our ships in formation over the one weakness this entire space station has so that a direct hit doesn't destroy us Vader launch on its target then immediately sprays fire over everything except it's targeted for the first two seconds of firing just like old times man they'll never stop you use the Vosloo your targeting computer is a piece of dogs Luke okay guys this took ten seconds with Alderaan so it's gonna take about as long o ly and it takes 48 seconds for this thing to even get close to firing man so the first time they use it the Death Star unleashes a massive payload all over the face neck and chest of Alderaan that money shots it out of existence but it takes way longer if it wants to go again this is the most erotic Lee charged line in the movie and something I say to Jason Mewes whenever we go to city wok if you follow me how can you not get the chills I'll take another five off for Luke's hit here because the execution of this scene is awesome hey man in the excitement I'd call her Carrie - on some night she might be Darlene you know no role playing can be a powerful tool oh my god that's his sister isn't it how come Chewbacca doesn't get a medal man he was in the Falcon - he helped take out Vader and save Luke's ass and look even yells about it at this point he goes like roars my medal and everyone just collapsed like yay the status quo is maintained on this little animal farm we're all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others this is horse it's always bothered me about this move man let the wookie win a medal this is it really winning since he so clearly deserves it i'ma leave it at that that's dying auntie curse magnetic poppy I wasn't fast enough it's all my friend three weeks after we started cinemasins Kevin Smith tweeted about us once we were revived by medical personnel we noticed a super obvious Kevin Smith has tweeted about you rise and our subscribers and statistics this man put us on the map I gave you back I gave you back the math we figured the best way to thank him was to ask him to guess nary the sins of maybe the biggest geek movie we could ever sit we'd also thought you'd like to know he has a youtube channel which will link in the description below where you can check out videos of fat man on Batman Hollywood babble-on and more please go show him some love thanks Kevin ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out and now the audio outtakes [Music] space a final frontier r2d2 where are you where are you we got some work to do now [Music] sorry as a peeping everyday that man remains free is one more failure 347 days gentlemen 347 failures terminate her immediately now tomorrow not after breakfast now [Music] you

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,652,788

Keywords: eww, review, star wars sins, wave jockey job, cinema sins, everything wrong with, Star Wars (Film Series), Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Film), kevin smith, cinemasins

Id: 5ZDNawCEamA

Length: 20min 53sec (1253 seconds)

Published: Sat May 04 2019