Everything Wrong With Bad Boys For Life In 22 Minutes Or Less

look neither Sony nor Jerry Bruckheimer give a good goddamn that we hate these 54 seconds of logos they ever see this they may make the logos even longer because that's right this is my world and I'm sin enough out of these 54 seconds of logos Marcus isn't used to this after 6 miles 24 years I'm about to throw up that is hand-stitched leather you better drink it it's not a bad boys movie if Marcus isn't about to do something gross in Mike's fancy car sigh its told me this one was good the fact that none of these [ __ ] on the sidewalks are the least bit curious or perturbed by the massive and dangerous high-speed police escort happening in the middle of South Beach tells you a lot about the strength of the weed in that area don't worry I've already booked my ticket that sins on you Mike for parking in front of a hydrant prick so the joke is that they weren't running from the police they were escorts because Marcus's daughters having a baby do you know how many fools they nearly killed how was a helicopter not a better option than several cop cars and cycles and a dozen near accidents Jesus oh it's the guy she went out with and bad boys to whom our two heroes pulled a gun on and berated off her fun that date went so well she went on to have a kid with him the only world in which this makes sense is the one where the movie wants to score cheap laughs and the audience Falls for Katie for life I mean if you're pulling a Hannibal Lecter do you really need to which part and also this is exactly a king Hannibal Lecter which is a bull ripoff especially for a goddamn bad boys movie hey les pido tu Padre Stanley with the larger scale in Survivor so he was a prisoner a step whale ultimate reality 2 per parent is accumulator so he was a prisoner that could give pottery to outsiders how did he get it with the instructions to break you're growing so fast on Papa details I'm not really sure if he's a criminal or an amazing undercover officer to Padre in control of form a desk under me Jonas de dólares antes de sera sera que estas Gordon espera que los brewskis just don't be fooled if Jesse text you and claims to have found the money and even sends pictures of the money on fire so it's a revenge against Mike story only it's all made up and nothing to do with the first two movies that sounds fun my glass I mean carefully labeled product placement that everyone is drinking at the same time this guy John wicks everyone in the nearby circle before anyone can react and get a shot off and no one moves that fast not even John wick I'm done like weird I've said the same thing to myself at least 30 15 times during the opening 10 minutes of this movie it would take something absolutely bonkers to make the sequel somewhat unique I'm talking bonkers like mike has to have an illegitimate son with a cartel or their supernatural implications and would never fly in a franchise like this this time is different when I was looking to that a little baby's eyes something changed off dude held your own babies and looked at him in the eye and you had no problem just say you're old and tired and old it's hilarious to me that everyone has been commenting on how big Will Smith's ears are for ages countdown but this is the second time that mentioned Martin Lawrence's giant lobes was an advanced Miami Metro operations a small team trained to new tactics and investigative methods new tactics and new investigative methods I'm sold gonna replace us old dogs or do some some new tricks I'd be happy if you teach them some fresh dialogue because this banter is stale with a capital really [ __ ] stale dumb ass why she's perfect for you ah I see we're going with the Vicky Vale Selina Kyle transition here where the love interest which was a huge plot point in the previous movie changes with little to no explanation from movie to movie was Gabrielle Union really too busy competitively working out with Dwayne Wade to be available for this film oh wow I feel like Will Smith has built this phrase of dialogue as a writer into all of his contracts since Independence Day like remember when he dropped in oh hell no in the pursuit of happiness and then again in concussion was distracting so there about the foot race and the bet is they either retire or they never retire and that is a stupid bet for both these idiots this may be the most hilariously overdramatic guy getting shot sequence of all time front wheel II terrible CT on the blood splatter slow motion I feel like Drake getting shot in that very special episode of Degrassi was more realistic also how they did Armando know exactly where Mike was gonna be at this moment maybe he knew they were partying at a certain bar but did he seriously overhear the talk about the [ __ ] foot race this is a group of highly trained police officers and even if they're freaked out no one attempts even rudimentary first aid on Mike and no one even tries to pursue the suspect they're literally just huddled around is ass yelling at each other pal did anyone even look at the license plate of the motorcycle hey god it's me Marcus oh my god you just BAM I swear to you I will put no more violence in this world uncapable promises this is personal for me too let's bring every single thing we got as opposed to our normal investigations where we happily half-assed that and everyone gets to clock out at 4:30 just in time for the happy hour special at Buffalo Wild Wings so Terminator mom is upset he went after Mike first because she wanted him to see all the others suffer and my question is why did she send a hothead son she had to know was a hothead that made up his own rules this is on earth this is a failure of leadership sent to government employees killed by sniper headshots and city should be in a full-blown serial killer panic at this point and yet it's not I mean is this the worst way to go the dudes sipping VSOP at a pool party with a bunch of hotties if Armando really wanted her ban she'd have killed this guy on the can like Tywin Lannister or something is it mondo seriously just googling these [ __ ] to figure out where they're at is this judge seriously updating his insta to let everyone know when he's walking out of court same shooter as Mike traffic cams witnesses tire treads so then all the same outfit of shooter is Mike right black bike same make dark armor and helmet could be a different writer each time no therefore different shooter got two cops in real life jumps to this many conclusions o Gogh movie I know this isn't a funeral I'd sooner believe that kill monger actually killed T'Challa halfway through Black Panther than I believe you killed off will [ __ ] Smith's character twenty minutes into this bad boy sequel guys are great ladies and gentlemen it's like a group orgy of credits rolling you know the rule the rules cap this entire series in a nutshell amaz gonna find the dealer that supplied your shoot Wow look I know police work is hard but it's been 16 months since they made that discovery and they haven't gotten anywhere did they not get the bullets that were used in the other killings to match them up I hate to side with Mike here but this supposedly elite unit there's a little JB who put holes in me man he is angry about someone that shot him and he's yelling about it to Marcus a guy that he shot in the ass last movie if that fool put holes in me was a trump card in this partnership it wouldn't be Mike that would be playing it assigned a turn up turn up what are you 20 dude it's weird that ever since he found religion Marcus would be excellent at cinemasins no Mike no the end man that was a short bad boys movie because usually they're a lot oh he didn't mean that no did he goddammit man found snake in his engine that headline is the most Florida thing about this entire movie set in Florida expositional nostalgia via Google X post article ah the character cries single-tier that was probably created by eye drop shortly before the director yelled action cliche video of a shooting of a Miami detective has surfaced online going viral in a matter of hours this is really the weirdest peloton motivational program I've ever seen I know they think outside the box and all but that's pretty can dark by the way even though news operations can be scuzzy this is some real Nightcrawler for them to be showing the actual shooting video on a mainstream service Mike keeps his shiny honest tower of hand weights out on the patio do you realize what the humidity of Miami let alone a couple good rains would do to these weights you know they say you did boy the irony here is that the meat cutter doesn't eat fish it's always got to be someone sleeping with someone and reconciling them with someone that they used to sleep with can't ever just be a man character and a woman character Mike okay salt he'll observe seriously how long do we have to sit through this Mike's totally not gonna take over he's just gonna consult not gonna shoot anyone at all because he's not all turned up and stuff nonsense picked up chatter video everything custom goes Herstal rounds he's making another sale first off to Detective seriously discuss super sensitive details about a case in the middle of the station like this well if there are criminals being transported back and forth for questioning this is like the lobby second this is the only goddamn lead they've gotten in six months Jesus put anyone on this case instead of ammo and they'd find something that they even talked to dj khaled let alone threatened him no wonder they haven't gotten done they have the same video of Mike getting shot on every monitor playing on a loop and this [ __ ] working on his dribbling skills god damn it I hate this [ __ ] team ah so you send their drone in Mike Lowrey suddenly becomes Will Smith's anti-tech character from iRobot before our very eyes there are like 16 people in this meeting some of which are looking in this exact direction but no one notices the super obvious drone hell it's not even a mini drone I call that big berry for [ __ ] sake there's our deal audio he doesn't put a hole through anyone why did they wait on the audio why wasn't the audio feed broadcast with the video beep no I'm not risking the collateral damage on old would have risk did you know in the late 80s a popular trend for boys haircuts but least in the Midwest was to shave two to three lines and the side above and behind the ear this shot here makes me think of that failed hairstyle and laughs laughs at my own dumb youth but laughs even more at the stupid ass for shaving lines his beard and hair along the same line loser it says a lot about this movie that I'm actually relieved to see a goddamn shootout happen after what feels like 90 minutes of crying exposition and arguing not only is the rest of ammo ridiculously slow to act they're not even gonna call in any backup to at least help contain this obvious Massacre he's trying to kill me why is it so hard for Marcus to believe sure he's retired but he's had to have heard about the other fools Armando is often and they'll have a connection of might like this dude so this is incredulous news is disingenuous deleterious outrageous look when a former informant offers themselves as bait you can take that offer and find the bad guy and save the day even if you're technically retired what did I say hey we've got the captain yelling at Mike Wow at the crime scene I love it when they do this one playing all the hits today kids coming up will be a reprise of the ditty Nelly and Murphy Lee collaboration shake a tailfeather - and money Never Sleeps not to get two Seinfeld Ian but the [ __ ] is up with this shirt why is this top button how would it ever be possible to use that bugling even the second one would be a stretch but that top ones nearly on the side of his fing neck that button just cause up your mother don't make me your ground oh that doesn't even make sense good karva Remi Mike literally just went over how they need to be quick to act and the body just fell into the car so why isn't his ass immediately busting up to the top of this building to see who's there oh sure he stunts Mike is attempting look about as real as watching his CG character from Gemini man and on iPhone 5 I know he's police but that vehicle would definitely be impounded as evidence in the murder of snitch emic what's-his-face that landed on it Jesus look how easy it was for her to drive the wing this lack of effort really makes me miss NBA defenses where are you going where are you going right what even is this scene cap called Mike up and said hey meet me at my kids basketball game I have some wisdom to impart pings oh wait suddenly Armando has help sold time he's been a lone gunman now the Rando guy with the post Malone tattoos is helping him take the captain out you're telling me that everyone left a few before Mike and Marcus family members didn't have last moments at the burial site to themselves know one last time last time you just unretire whenever you want though also this is definitely the case because this movie didn't do anything at the box office hell it was a January release and 2020 is all up let me check that's gonna be multiple last time this is like a Jay Z retirement announcement this is a pretty great apartment except for one thing all these four levels above to the right can see whatever naked fun time you have out here in the pool unless you're saying Mike owns all those levels to in which case what a waste of money I can't tell if this dialogue was written by Shane by Kevin Smith or a drunk fourth grader and because of the confusion what's at three cents Mike puts his gun away to settle this with fisticuffs and a lot of people in movies always do this and the other cops taser the guy before the fight can happen but Mike didn't know they were there he was really gonna go to punchy's with this discount John Goodman bring a big boy I call hold on Marcus didn't even know about this bleed until Mike told him on the way to the apartment did he tell mo about it and when have they shown that they were capable of getting the drop on anyone he's celebrating this three spots for a cat like that ditto eyes 45 zillion you narrow down possible birthday spots for a mid-level criminal from all of Miami down to three spots three that's amazing what if he's a child in art and still likes chucky cheese but if he stays home and order some strippers and blow she makes a big deal out of this being a non-lethal raid but they are all using rubber bullets which if the last Castle has taught me anything man it has it can actually kill as the bad boys theme song from these movies and the show cops plays I can't help but think about how rich inner circle must be he's not even wearing a goddamn disguise of any kind Mike is the most well known cop in the city right now he's just gonna cruise up into this club like nothing this is like Edward Snowden walking back into the CIA and sitting at his old desk like nothing happened I like George Costanza goddamn it why a bad guy parties always rule played xxx Godfather - eyes wide shut willful Wall Street rules of attraction now even bad boys - at one of these I want to go to a bad guy party goddamn it stay with you Joey Doron Swade bodyguard I know they have radios but I still refuse to believe they can hear a goddamn thing in this place have you ever been to a club you have to scream into the ear or the person you're dancing with and even then you have a 50/50 chance that you're so hot gets her to suck mic I guess I see why Rafe is such a detective considering he's apparently been spending all his time getting embedded into this club as the trusted house DJ I'm not gonna play it cuz music companies be [ __ ] but the movie is now playing a song by JLo and DJ Khaled who's already an on DJ Khaled character in this movie this breaks the whole suspension of disbelief I was fine with everything up until now but this is too far this works hell daddy better couldn't even pull this trick off on the 10th war back in 1992 look I don't wanna belabor the unbeliever but aren't there four other detectives in ammo that we're supposed to be strategically placed and suelo runs right through them like the 49ers against the Packers in the 2020 NFC Championship this complex plan by a special unit police force to arrest a guy had no one stationed outside the door no one suelo just turn left on second half how do they know that I got a guy in a van but I didn't see any scenes where anyone homing beacons way low Marcus has worked in Miami as a cop for several decades but doesn't have a handle on even rudimentary Spanish see what I told you the movie only had him make the promise earlier so that he could have at home for action-comedy laughs later well to be fair he could be hitting one of these completely innocent cars that are just driving it on the road not being criminals what I like how the driver of this truck just keeps on going after the car and his bed blows the cup he's like they pay me to do it they don't pay me to retrieve it if it was blown up by some random dude with a pistol and a high-speed chase besides if I get home in time I can probably catch the end of Vanderpump rules can't do this as an outtake anymore since music companies will stick various things in our various orifices so it goes this way most fun break it well considering the dip you just took I'll assume you have to put it in a bowl of dry rice for at least 24 hours first but after that I guess you can talk I'm gonna have to go on that the dark side you go with that yeah every single bad boys movie has a hacker saying something is impossible or illegal but he does it anyway every single one though in the first two movies it's the same guy an average basketball player whose name escapes me it looks like the killer is used to be a bouncer guy one night was getting physical with the woman yeah big man lost it hit him master drop dead where did the fight ever since but he kept the fighter bouncers body anyway the point is we're gonna see him beat some ass now that this is out there probably even one punching someone to death this is check-offs manslaughter story was shut down almost done oh and right when they were really hitting their stride - think he's my son what hey Mazel Tov who's got a cigar sure he's tried to murder you multiple times but it's not every day you discover a new love child 24 years ago before we partnered up wait we're saying that the first bad boys movie was their first year together as partners stop spitting out ears if you're not gonna do the map his wife Isabel I was her driver so first shot a police academy they sent a black guy to Mexico to infiltrate a cartel by becoming the cartel leaders driver I'm not saying it's impossible but when you say it out loud it sounds kind of hilarious we connect this so deep we talked about everything you thought Anakin's dialogue and attack of the clones was bad he's the right age it's crazy like me he's worthless like me he's like me so what you had a better argument with the timeline of her arrest in giving birth in prison this son of a drug lords widow being ruthless is not any kind of a proof that you're his daddy god damn so Mike is going to Mexico to I guess surrender to the witch lady or maybe hear some more I don't know but Marcus cares it wants to help and somehow finds out not only that mike is going to Mexico but also what flight he's on and manages to buy the seat directly behind him was this convenience Airlines she makes you fall off I meant penis you should be money on business anyway okay a few things first of all assuming that's her dad behind her and I'm sure it is nice job sitting the whole thing out dad second penis is probably as bad or worse a word for a teenager is there's no safety here in medical terminology third she probably was minding her own business until the grown-ass man next to her started loudly talking about falling off killing your son brother that's the darkness that swallows you whole just ask Thomas Jane from the misc protip if you're having a torrid affair with the cartels boss's wife who also happens to probably be an evil supernatural conjurer maybe don't take a picture posing like you're on your honeymoon that will bite you in the ass every time trust me but a cab seriously not drop them off in the ER to where they were staying even if they were trying to keep their location a secret at least drive them up that steep ass Hill man wait the last time he looked at swallows phone that screen was cracked as hell so how's it so pristine now do you stop at the airport in Mexico City to have it repaired I suppose it's possible but come on it's really not possible there in Mexico ready to go meet Mike son and try to arrest him and there's a knock at the door they draw their guns because they've never seen a movie before so they do not realize it's the rest of the ammo team honest truth I've never seen this movie and I'm 100% confident that I'm right walk me now you got to be quick to get past me I'm from Erie PA I call them again thank God otherwise this mission would be right and it's just like this bumbling band of cluster nuggets to knock on the goddamn door without announcing themselves instead of calling ahead or at least saying hey dude it's that incompetent [ __ ] that you're eventually gonna bang time you make sure we both come off my favorite kind of movie love interest is the kind where all the action happened before the movie and the movie just hints at it and mentions it but doesn't do anything of substance about it at all those kind of movie relationships I jerk off to them he's going to a place the bad guys he will be and he knows there will be a sniper and this is the ending of assassins and you can't convince me otherwise I don't think I've ever seen a more obvious drone in my entire life this drone might as well be playing the ice cream truck song on repeat at top volume it's so obvious the dude says he's jamming signals in case they're running counter surveillance like they can't look out with the naked eye and see that obvious drone this place is wasted and dilapidated yet somehow a huge stained glass dome has remained entirely intact can you see cutaway this time I just lost all comms the entire surveillance system for Mike was isolated to that one super noticeable necklace you put all the comms in that one necklace doesn't seem very practical right shouldn't it at least still be work god damn it these movies pissed me off so much I want to tase a coked-up accountant right now when a Mexican standoff actually happens in Mexico is it just a regular standoff how many bullets can a drone this size even carrying this is automatic gunfire that's many bullets per second you have any idea how heavy bullets are well if it's anything like the therapy they showed in the last bad boys movie Dorn is about to get a bunch of free [ __ ] after this mission this one shot up the center column thinks it's hot as it spins and lifts through the various floors of CGI conflict but at the end I still have no idea who was where who might have been injured and who gives us this is pretty cool not at MIT but it was in the trailer and it's nowhere near cool enough to make up for all the lame leading up to this okay so it's at this point I'm checked out of any reasonable stakes or action in this movie homeboy reached up through the ceiling of the story below and pulled Mike through the goddamn floorboards this movie has some surprises the captain getting killed was legitimately a curve ball but now we moved back into a regular bad boys ie every action movie finale ever and it's tedious as she's using a shard of glass as a weapon if she's cutting him deep into the muscle and her hand is also taking damage and maybe even about to fall apart now he'll add some white doves and even hokey or dialogue and this might as well be the end of face-off he let him live now since it's a movie the kid will respect that somehow I bet not kill Mike for attempting to choke him out earlier or the whole mom with engine holy hell when did this building become a gateway to Satan's lair aboard evacuate everyone leave now Rita ex-market up and was it really necessary for it to be her was Marcus really gonna sit there and watch Mike get his ass killed gotta be some guns lying around here somewhere right I hate this turn for this cute new captain thank God she drinks Heineken which is second on the list of job requirements bad boys bad boys what's she gonna do tell you what I'm gonna do with this point in the movies good opportunity may have presented itself for you to pay down some of that debt interested holy it's the anti Suicide Squad and it looks even worse we'll find the which might we burn make sure you click that bell icon but clicking the little bell icon is how you make sure you get notified every time we release a video so click it he was the black sheep permanent pariah he asked no quarter of the bosses and none was given we're gonna need some loyal employees once a job our operation is small but there's a lot of potential for Iserv expansion I win we lay it down we turn in our papers and we retire I choose not to run Lord hallowed be thy name may our fee be Swift they are about to be mighty to it I don't know if you can hear me in there but the wrong keep dad it's my daughter's wedding mic do we have to do this right now uh yeah whatever I ever done to make you take your service was pitiful you let me down some cover come with me if you want to live Oh what you embarrassed to be seen like this dachshund dachshund we've got dogs in here you jump to conclusions you see it would be this mad that you would put on the floor and would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to the chopper [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,418,493

Keywords: wave jockey job, everything wrong with, eww, cinemasins, everything wrong with bad boys for life, eww bad boys for life, bad boys for life, movie, review, movie review, bad boys for life movie, bad boys for life review, will smith, will smith bad boys, martin lawrence bad boys

Id: mpFNZnI2cFs

Length: 23min 47sec (1427 seconds)

Published: Thu May 14 2020