Everything Wrong With Birdemic: Shock & Terror

[Music] protagonist environmentalists drives a Ford Mustang also some of you Birdemic fans are gonna say well he says it's a hybrid and [ __ ] you because no it's not camera so depressed it started to record at a tilted angle after riveting traffic footage movie decides to let the audience catch their breath with the title sequence over more riveting traffic footage also movie had pictures there are multiple casts in this movie I hope the cast of broken lizard and the cast of kids in the hall show up four minutes in and we're still tracking in the faceless guy driving a Ford Mustang on a normal everyday afternoon movies are supposed to be escapism right I can't wait until this guy's 3d adventure stuck in the line at the DMV comes out no one will be seated during the thirty second rod walks to the Main Street grill scene ok hostess chick your line is high do you think he could say that without us having to do something weird with the sound later ok I guess not I'm pretty sure Helen Keller would have kept up with a sound continuity and editing flow better than anyone who worked on this movie main character doesn't experiment on how long he can stare at a woman before she inevitably falls in love with you every single line of dialogue needs its own shot in this movie is this guy Michael Myers it's great that they allow the woman with half a torso to do the news also what news outlet uses a TV for their over-the-shoulder graphics and footage and who's operating the camera is it a five-year-old boy population of polar bears I know this is a slow news day when Birds and polar bears are leading the telecast two more minutes of driving complete with a gas station Philip scene [Music] 50% discount this guy is a terrible salesman rob was saddened when he found out that no one else was in the office in fact he may be the only one left alive oh no it wasn't apparently professional fashion models work at one-hour photo joints Victoria's Secret once you become their cover girl oh no they don't [Music] yeah parently landing the Victoria's Secret cover is like a local band landing a dive bar on Wednesday night here's your chance to impress them I'd say she impressed them even though she works at one our photos her pictures were enough to land one of the most coveted jobs in modeling okay even though her agent was clearly hanging up the phone and had nothing else to say Natalie continues the okay the phone call is just about over routine for another ten freaking seconds I think you look great in those lingerie do this guy and the me underwears guy from the room know each other I know a good vet Amy's restaurant sounds delicious I'll see you then even though Ron doesn't mention the name of the restaurant or the meeting time Natalie apparently has all the information she needs a day without sex is a day wasted man this guy must be pretty depressed then professional newscast buys Getty Images for their program but apparently can't pay enough to remove the watermark oh come on Ron would have given himself a 50% discount you got to play hardball man rod said he knew a great Vietnamese place when he asked Natalie out on a date but apparently it's a Chinese place and a Thai place too it's pretty amazing she found this place with no information whatsoever she's a keeper this place opens at zerozero a.m. Monday through Thursday and 30 a.m. on Friday through Sunday blank and stalkery rod was stunned that by the time he finished this sentence Natalie was already banging some other dude watch football especially the 49ers also part times because the movies about killer Eagles right that might be the cleverest thing in this movie and it still sucks no no she's a casts lover these birds these birds don't need to land or anything they just hover around flowers fantasizing about becoming bees where the are they I'm sorry to throw your own words back at you dude but is that all you ever think about is sex he's interested in what I have to say instead of trying to get something from me I'm sorry to throw rods words back at you Natalie but okay so how long before this thumbs-up becomes awkward one two three what hotel has a plain white placard hung up on the wall advertising a website Natalie just happens to be friends with a girl Ron's friend is banging be sure to keep that imagine peace poster in frame you wouldn't want anyone not imagining peace would you [Music] it never ends [Music] congratulations I love my Mustang which is a plug-in hybrid oh you've been liar it gets 100 mpg I feel like I'm in some sort of Liars inception here bring up a car that doesn't exist and give it an impossible mpg that would blow away all records I mean what else is a feature of this magical Mustang does it turn into the Batmobile to either Tony just turned into a serial killer or the actor playing him did that was there are so many things wrong with this one line of dialogue it requires its own mini bonus round number one the theater they went to was clearly not showing An Inconvenient Truth there's role models Twilight transporter three four Christmases it's the fall of 2008 an inconvenient truth came out in 2006 number two no one explicitly states the title of the movie that they just saw to their friends when telling them how much they liked it number three these people aren't even coming out of the theater they're in some mall parking lot and only now does rod make mention of how good the movie was not a four he goes on a double date and decides An Inconvenient Truth would be the best movie for such an occasion number five what a dick I wouldn't worry about that it's like when you declare that you'll never eat McDonald's again after watching Fast Food Nation this [ __ ] is a software engineer who became a software salesman since when does he know anything about solar power okay so going back to An Inconvenient Truth here we've already discussed why they couldn't have seen that movie but they couldn't have seen any of the other movies on the theater marquee either for Christmases and Australia those movies came out in November 26 2008 and now they're going to a pumpkin festival in October festivals are cool and all but I never thought about walking through one while I was watching a movie there's only two things you need to know when you're going to the pumpkin fest where is the giant pumpkin and where are the toilets Oh lovers on the moon whoa so what is your ideal man how long these [ __ ] been going out together and for that matter if the movies saying that they've only been going out for like three days or something how did rod already start his green tech company and sell his ideas for ten million dollars director decided he needed at least one good dollar style jump cut during the highly engaging beach scene oh no we missed some very important dialogue during that jump cut are these people walking in place oh no a mangled mess of computer graphics sprites washed up on the beach just taken well except for starting up a green tech company in five seconds and selling giant solar panels for ten million dollars by the next day did they go to this place after-hours or something yeah that's really hard to believe so you forgot about him asking to sleep with you in the first date and this week my startup company that I founded got funded ten million dollars by evergreen capital Oh so wasn't as bad as I thought it took him a week to start his green tech company and sell his ideas for millions well sure that's plenty of time did they pull this singer off the street how much do you get paid for a gig at a bar like this five bucks this tube is amazing he could sing the lead the chorus and imitate a full band all with his voice this barn full of TV's and forces a strict no TV's on policy Hey look a whole other person showed up at the bar they went to a cheap hotel dude do you have millions and you have a whole freaking house I mean why didn't the break-up occur as soon as he took her here Tippi Hedren had never appeared in a sea bird movie until this came along okay so there was no lap dance here and that's bad but I don't think sex happened either it takes 47 minutes for the Birdemic to begin holy [ __ ] are these birds been ingesting nitroglycerin what the [ __ ] are these birds doing you can have a bird crash-land into a gas pump but if it doesn't blow up the whole gas station I don't give it although even though there are a million cars here no one seems to be in any hurry to get the hell out of here while the birds attack actually no human being seems to even be here at all the bird on the right is upset that it only won bronze in the 400 meter hurdles wait why would birds waste time flying around windows when they can clearly turn themselves into bombs at a moment's notice after supposedly having hot sex our protagonist decided to put the exact number of garments they were wearing back on when they went to sleep and who sleeps in their pants much less with their belts still on what did you plead to much angry birds or something last night as a disclaimer I promise that didn't start out as a pun when I wrote it but why rods eyes starting back and forth like he can see the birds outside the curtains are closed so unless there's a demonic moth that rod is looking at he's not looking at what do you mean not for the moment do you think the birds are somehow gonna learn to pick a lock while they're hovering out there this bird died because of the United States stands on the Kyoto Protocol what I'm not saying it's impossible to lose your car keys but dude you were in one room the whole night where the hell could your keys get lost apparently this couple didn't think about getting in their van immediately after the attack started so they could carpool with another couple who just so happened to be living in sin what are you gonna do battle with a bunch of unborn babies they're right in front of you doing nothing and why are you wildly swinging you're deadly coathangers in any other direction phone battery's dying car keys getting lost car doors getting stuck what's next in this cavalcade of cliches I just don't know how these birds are fending off such a formidable attack from such devastating coat hangers did you get that [ __ ] you just happen to keep guns like this in your van dude what are you shooting at shouldn't you save your ammo for when you're really in danger man people who get killed by these birds needed to die anyway I mean yeah if they got dive-bomb by the suicidal birds that's one thing but killed by the hovering do-nothing Birds you had that coming it looked like a good clean fairly deserted road when they parked the van but now tons of cars are out and about there's a sale at Penny's these birds really like scratching one side of your cheek don't they also did these people just go through a verdict ACK get in their cars and die in an upright position what the [ __ ] even though the birds are flying in attack formation every bird they shoot is somehow alone in the sky it's such a bird Emmett going on wouldn't the sky in the background be filled with birds all over the place and not just in a couple spots this bird clearly swoops in for an attack but does not appear at any time later in the scene can drive already I even have a bandage to help heal the loss of your mom thank you we definitely needed to see that the other kid appreciated his bandages too this girl got over the death of her mom really fast I guess playing Grand Theft Auto and beating up hookers does the trick I'm hungry I've been out of the car for a long time actually I don't mean to be nitpicky but you've been sitting in this van for a long time the car thing was a long time ago I mean yeah I get it you're hungry but it has very little to do with hiding under a car at this point what the hell happened to the other dudes girlfriend how did Tony fall asleep in the amount of time it took them to get to this convenience store it must have been literally I'm hungry too yeah we're in a survival situation let's see what kind of wine selection they have at the convenience store seriously isn't shooting at the birds while you're in a moving vehicle a total waste of bullets I mean I'm guessing the amount of bullets they have is infinite at this point but you know in a real situation isn't it counterproductive Hey look the USA is that way so they're gonna have a picnic outside at the beach and they brought just the handgun what about the other gun what about not getting outside and eating at the beach also this kid brought a ball to play with at the beach where did he get a ball and when will it ever be safe to play with the ball on the beach when there are [ __ ] evil Birds everywhere that's amazing oh they are not normal people would be scared of a guy wearing a mask telling them to go away but not Natalie and Ron go away just means come closer to these folks yeah I thought I told you to stand back these birds are contaminated I guess no other protective clothing is needed in a bird flu situation you just need a surgical mask gloves and environmental protection suits are completely optional [Music] and the Birdemic rages on Wow there are even more dumbasses kicking it at the beach than I thought I mean who does this killer birds everywhere let's go to the beach I can't touch us near sandy surfaces kids continue to laugh at the loss of their parents this bird did not sign up for the Birdemic don't you know that these birds are attacking people how could he not know how do you know this what with your surgical masks you don't have a mobile lab or anything out here you're dressed like you're going to church in an attic I mean this guy doesn't know right global warming is causing viral diseases such as bird flu West Nile virus oh no it's not and I'll shoot them upside down by God yeah this is pretty delicious because I'm pretty sure you meant to say ornithologist but an ornithologist would definitely know the difference [Music] it's a healing species dangerous menacing terrifying animal yeah I know I mean it was a bunch of humans who sat down and decided that this movie was a good idea fossil fuel related activities dude you can't be railing against the human species and their use of fossil fuels and be driving around a truck and a trailer I've got my truck and my trailer and more like astronauts this guy definitely got the bird flu right where did these [ __ ] get scars all the sudden taking on Natalie got tired of killing Iraq why can't we just give pieces to share clog your environmental birds attack movie with not only global warming messages but Iraq too was Becky about to take a with her pants still on Ramsay is running in this shot but is magically in the van and the next shot [ __ ] drive already and apparently the children - where the hell are they hey those people on that bus being attacked by those birds exclamation so during the Birdemic these people decided to hell why not get on a double-decker tour bus we have no room it's full in here hey joke Becky yeah and let's kill the birds for Becky if they're missing the birds for the baby hitting the bus and maybe accidentally killing some people - and that one's for Becky and that one's for Becky I guess the woman at the bottom of the bus died of a heart attack or something I'm so scared hair flip now everything should be fine if rod remembered to open the doors of the van so we can make a quick escape oh well the van isn't too far we should still be able to make it what also who wears an e ze t-shirt in 2008 what is the protocol for these Eagles to kill someone I mean why hover in some instances and go straight for the kill when someone is taking it in other instances wait why are they bloody they had their backs turned to the eagle strength and these Eagles aren't really doing anything right all of these people died of complications from cheek wounds but I still had to come to work anyway that's outrageous I don't blame Ron for being outraged about the gas but damn dude you have millions ok so even though the phone lines have been severed we can still take credit cards yay candy will make the pain go away two times into a gas pump and no explosion rip off I got an extra tank in the back oh you do not you didn't have time to fill a spare tank remember why is this [ __ ] backing up nowhere near his truck the Eagle clearly only sliced this dude's neck but sure why not the trademark cheek wound appears anyway don't bother picking up the gasoline or anything even though there are no Eagles anywhere there's a creek over there wait you mean you guys already finished off that river of water you picked up the convenience store also isn't that what the kids picked up before they got their candy Hey look woody harrelson decided to reprise his role from 2012 in this movie right now I feel like I'm watching a late-night skinemax for some reason oh wait this guy lives in a national park and they just allowed him to build a house in a tree and everything's fine in California man also when they're in a hotel room or about to take a kid on a beach protect them from what I get the sense if there's any danger in this forest this guy ain't stopping it if you were close enough to hear a mountain lion growl the next thing you would hear is screaming right no that's not it it's just the Hunger Games they walked to a totally peaceful Creek at a national park and suddenly they're being accosted by hippies jumped by mountain lions and then a fire starts for no reason oh come on she does not besides when we last left my she and Ron's [ __ ] friend were getting some sensual work done they sure didn't drive all the way out here to do that oh isn't that sweet they were able to hold hands while they got their faces in necks clawed out also what are people doing when they're driving in their cars and getting attacked by Birds I mean these people are pulling to the side of the road and then just stopping then they roll down their windows and let the Eagles claw them too that these people are dying of stupidity right damn it ready I guess yeah that totally sucks if only there was something he could have done earlier to prevent this from happening I don't know thanks for being a rock through this crisis rod and hey look a whole peel of fish - and a steak dinner and a pan of dinner rolls amazing I didn't see these before oh stop the giving van is full of wonder we can cook it hey good idea yeah rod thinks outside the box too bad you don't have any hooks or bait where's your van now we're [ __ ] what yeah don't bother cleaning gutting or scaling this thing just drop it right in there man it's the same thing kid but I don't blame you I don't think rod knows what he's doing yeah well your parents are dead here come those Eagles again probably here to save Gandalf from some tight Jam no they attack cars remember they're so very angry at cars and gas stations and global warming hey look a happy meal - Happy Meals yeah it's about time and if only you guys hadn't used them while you were driving on the road and we're in no danger at all oh man those things never see the car coming it's okay guys the humans decided to end all global warming and Wars and duck hunting because you're so gorgeous doll face are they going to the Grey Havens or something - Eagles fly over oceans [Music] this never and holy bit they gave Tippi Hedren a credit in this movie why didn't she use the Alan Smithee credit two straight minutes of watching birds fly away [Music] I got the results of the test back I definitely have breast cancer ladies and gentlemen I have some great news our Board of Directors has agreed to the acquisition of NCT software by Oracle Corporation for a billion dollars I'm talking about liquid rich enough to have your own ship we hold the world ransom for 100 billion dollar [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] the assumption something like this the earth is so big we can't possibly have any lasting harmful impact on the Earth's environment and maybe that was true at one time but it's not anymore and one of the reasons it's not true anymore is it the most vulnerable part of the Earth's ecological system is the atmosphere you take something this good you go to a man has invested in the past you go to indirect and offer the money to him rebates thought we had an agreement you stay away I stay away

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,732,628

Keywords: Birdemic: Shock And Terror (Film), everything wrong with, everything wrong with birdemic, birdemic sins, wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins birdemic, cinemasins birdemic, cinema sins

Id: I3j_iL2FcXQ

Length: 20min 15sec (1215 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 08 2014