- Next customer, please. Whoa. - Excuse me! I came in here yesterday
to return those curtains and the little (beep) said
he couldn't make the return 'cause he didn't have my receipt and it wasn't the same store. By the way, you are on Facebook Live! - Hi, I'm so sorry about that. You know what I'll do? I'll process your return right now and I'll make sure the person
that turned you away is fired. - Oh, okay. Okay, okay. - Is there anything else
I can help you with today? - No! - [Shop Assistant] Well, have a great day. - You, too! - Next customer, please. - Is it safe? - It's safe, it's good. Happens all the time here. - [Narrator] Every retail job ever. (gentle upbeat music) - What the (beep), Clark? I've told you this so many times. You need to wear clothing from the store. - We work at Baby Gap. - And? Charles does it. - This helps people visualize what their baby will look like, bro. Goo goo gaga. - Don't don't say goo goo, gaga. - Goo goo gaga.
- Yeah. - All the other branches
of Baby Gap don't do that, I asked my friend. - [Customer] I'm gonna need
to speak to your manager. (soft upbeat music) - Didn't Abercrombles go
out of business years ago? - Sexy never quits, hey. But the health insurance does. - [Customer] There's
a stain on this shirt, can I have it for half price? - We really are just one
big happy family here. And I know you must be
nervous on your first day but don't you worry 'cause
I'm gonna show you the ropes. - Oh, thanks so much. - That over there, that's Dave. - Cheese.
- Cheese. - His family comes in to
visit him like all the time and they've never once bought anything. Those two over there,
that's Aiden and Emily. They're the store's hot and new it-couple. Aiden doesn't know that
Emily used to date Dave and still hooks up with him sometimes. And lastly, there's Chloe. She's gonna come into the
store, crying twice a week. Do not ask her why. So do you have any questions? - Yeah, I mean, that was all great info but how do I actually do my job? - Are you flirting with me right now? - [Narrator] Ma'am, ma'am, ah, ma'am! (jaunty music) (upbeat music) (man grunting) - Hey! Stop him! - Stop. - What are you doing? - You pay me minimum wage. You expect me to risk my
safety for your toilet paper? Plus he's my friend, he
stole me a couple rolls. - Yeah, he just made out with 36 rolls. If he gives you one roll out
of that, that's a 0.02% cut. You think you're getting screwed here? Read a book, Reuben. - [Customer] I don't want
anything, just the bathroom. - Okay, and would you like to (mumbles)? - Excuse me, what you say? - No, nothing, sorry, it's stupid. - No, it's fine, what you say? - It's just that we're
supposed to upsell credit cards and nobody ever wants to say no (crying). And there's all this
pressure from my bosses and I really can't
afford to lose this job. - Oh, no, it's okay, I
will sign, I will sign. - Oh, really? - Oh, for sure, what's
another credit card? - (crying) Absolutely nothing,
it's so easy, it's okay. - Yeah, have a good one. - Bye, have a great day, have a great. - Wait, did you just
sign up another person for a credit card? - Yeah, I really wanna win
that $50 Amazon gift card. - Not if I win it first. Hey, you, sign up for a credit
card or I'll cry at you! - [Customer] Do you guys have
any soaps, like bath soaps? (upbeat music) - So who helped you out today? - Oh, ah, I can't remember the name, but they were very helpful. - Well, we work off commission and I'd love to give them credit. What did they look like? - Oh, she was a lady. - Yes, all of our makeup
department employees are women. So, what was she wearing? - Oh, she had a name tag. - Okay, what was written on it? - Oh, her name. Susan, Susan helped me. - (beep) Susan, I'm putting down Paula. - [Customer] I will take
my business elsewhere. - All right, the new
schedule is up (chuckles). - Wait, I'm not on the schedule at all. - What, oh, that's weird. - Are you firing me? - What? No! - Then why am I not scheduled to work? (assistant imitates gagging) - Look, look I just can't commit to just one employee right now. So, you know, but we can
definitely still be friends. - Hmm, then I guess I'll
have to go get another job. - Oh, so I mean nothing to you? - [Employer] Yes, you're
working all of the holidays. (jaunty music) - Oh my God, you got Green Gardens again, isn't that expensive? - No, no, no, I love
ordering from this place. The salads are bomb and
they only cost (crying), four and a half hours of work. - Are you okay? - Yeah, never been better. If I only eat an eighth of this I can make it last the whole week. I'm eating a salad so I'm a happy person. - Okay, I can see that. - [Shop Assistant] All right, I just got done folding
everything and great, they're unfolding it all. - Hey, thanks again for covering
my shift, you're the best. - Oh yeah, no problem at all, I had nothing better to do, so, yeah. (phone chimes) (phone feeps) I can't, covering a shift, damn. (soft upbeat music) - Hey, we saw you from across the store and we think you're really cute. - Wanna come over right now
and have a threesome with us? - I can't, I'm covering a shift,
but I can come over after. - Oh, that's too bad
because we're only horny for the next four to five hours. - That's exactly how long my shift is. - Okay, sorry, bye. (phone rings) - Hello? - Oh son, Loris, I'm so sorry, honey. I hate to tell you this over the phone, but your father has died
and the funeral's right now, I need you here. - I can't mom, I'm covering a shift. - What, how could you say that? You know, you can just
quit your job, right? You know, what's more important, son? - Oh my gosh, you're right, mom, I don't know what I was thinking. - Oh, thank God, okay, so you're coming, you're coming to the funeral, my son? - No, I'm gonna have a threesome. - What, no son, that's
how your father died. - Wait, ladies, I forgot
I can quit my job. - You flirting with me right now? - Oh hell, yeah. Is it that obvious? - Yeah, I'm flirting back. (both laughing) (hands clapping) - [Shop Assistant] Oh, my God. - I don't think people want
their baby to look like that. - [Shop Assistant] I wanna
see my baby looking like that. - [Shop Assistant 2] Look,
look what he's doing. - Yeah, that is a cute baby. - [Customer] Give me my (beep) curtain. Give it back. Flip it through. - There you go.
- Make sure it's good. - Oh, (laughs). You missed the hole,
you didn't even get one. - It's like a starving
artist, but this is the art. - Oh, your body. - Yeah, my body. - Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's the canvas
and the mall people are the painters and they. - Are not looking over here. - Not right now, well, there's
a Wetzel's Pretzels stand and they're very focused on that. - Totally and a Cinnabon, and a. - Right, yeah. But yeah. - Okay, see ya. - For sure, for sure, cool.
Every 7 months or so I’m reminded again that smosh still exists, and I feel so damn old. Thank you, for this one in 7 month reminder again
Oh my god I haven’t watched a smosh vid in ages